Chapter Text
“Grace?”
His body protests, mind heavy and begging to stay asleep. Grace lets out a small whine, pulling his quilt tighter to his chest, pushing away from the nudging.
“Jus… five minutes,” he slurs. There’s a calmness in his chest and relaxed glow that urges him back to rest.
There’s a soft laughing sound, chiming in his ears and he smiles without even thinking. “What?” he chuckles and opens his eyes, easy, turning to face-
Rocky.
Oh my god! Rocky!
Grace scrambles forward from where he was slumped against the barrier, detangling his limbs from his quilt. He throws himself at the ball, a ragged cry already bursting from his chest.
“Grace so leaky so fast!” Rocky squeals, trying to move away but Grace is so clingy he just rolls along with the ball. It probably looks ridiculous. “Disgust!”
Grace laughs but it likely just looks like more crying. Because that’s what he’s also doing. He tries to say something, but he’s just a blubbering mess.
“Grace miss Rocky, question?”
“Rock, oh my god,” Grace hiccups, pressing the side of his face into the ball. “I didn’t- You’re awake! Fuck, I was so. I didn’t know-”
“Finally! Grace says human profanity!” Rocky does jazz hands with a little happy dance.
“It was over two weeks,” Grace wails, but he’s so happy he can’t seem to let Rocky go. “Scared me. Worry, worry, worry.”
“Apology, apology, apology.” Rocky finally presses closer, bonking the top of his carapace against the ball where Grace’s face is. “Rocky need sleep to heal. Need lots of healing. Will still need time.”
Grace shudders at the quiet vibration of Rocky’s melodic voice through the barrier. His burn mark pulses, sending a cascading warmth through him.
Actually more than warmth.
An ache in his gut suddenly twists, quiet buzzing need suddenly ramping up, like someone just turned up the volume on a radio that was previously background music. He shivers, skin prickles and flares with sensitivity. His exhaustive pre-heat has stoked back to life in just a matter of seconds in Rocky’s presence.
Dear god. It was all happening too fast.
“Something wrong with Grace,” Rocky thrills, tapping the xenonite, rather insistent. “Skin leak, breathing strange. Grace hurt, question? Sick?”
“You could say that,” Grace says, voice shaky. He’s suddenly panicking. How was he going to explain this?
The more he procrastinates, the more incoherent he’s bound to come. That fact was utterly humiliating. He’s about to devolve spectacularly, any needed explanations reducing to strained whines, whimpers, and pleas. He’s about to lose sense of self, stripped down to the needy creature that aches for touch even though Grace trembles in fear at the thought of it.
The ache within pulses, threatening to overtake him. His hands fall to his stomach, fisting into his shirt, out of breath and heated.
This is happening whether he wills it to or not. Whether Rocky understands or not. But it feels so entirely selfish. He’s been locked in survival mode for months now. Of course, his body latched itself onto the first living thing to place a claiming mark on him. Pack meant a higher chance of survival, and Grace had been alone for too long. Far too long.
But the bond… it had stayed because Grace.
He and his fucked up instinctual needs both know that Rocky is the safest, most reliable choice. Rocky already saved his life. He made him smile and laugh again. Bonding to him was hardly even a choice at all. He had done it unconsciously. Easier than breathing. In the truest parts of his heart, he trusts Rocky. Wants Rocky to always be with him.
But.
Rocky has a mate back home already. One he misses so dearly. Why should Grace be worthy of any of his attention just because his body latched itself to his friend through sheer hormonal will?
Rocky wasn’t given a choice in this. Grace knows what it’s like to not be given a choice. Knows too well. Rocky was simply trying to save him. Now Grace has to explain the consequences of that choice, one that Rocky has no way of knowing the fallout of.
Grace really can’t stop crying. He wants to be wanted. But he’s paralyzed to ask for it.
It’s all too much. Entirely too much.
“Grace missed Rocky so much!” Rocky exclaims, his hums growing more concerned. His claws reach to paw at Grace’s face, currently smushed against the xenonite. That must look horrible from Rocky’s point of view. (He obviously can’t wipe Grace’s tears, but the sentiment is nice.) “No more leak! Make Rocky sad.”
“Sorry,” Grace starts. It takes all his will power to pull back from the ball to finally look at Rocky again. He tries to wipe the tears off of the ball while still sniffling. “It’s just- Well. A lot happened.”
“Explain, explain!”
Grace slumps to the floor, folding his legs up underneath him. He drags his quilt into his lap, nervously playing with one of the loose threads, rolling it between his fingers. All the words seem to be stopped-up at the top of his throat, cowardly bunching together and choking him. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out but a measly whine. And he flinches at the noise he makes, humiliated and needy to call to Rocky in such a way.
But Rocky coos back in response, tapping at the xenonite. Grace has to hold back the next wave of tears that threatens to overtake him again. The sound calls right to his deepest needs, responding in such a soothing non-verbal way that Grace can let go of some of the tension in his shoulders.
His words still come out rough and choked.
“Remember all the stuff we talked about with packs from human culture?”
“Grace know Rocky cannot forget.”
Grace rubs his face. “It’s a conversation starter.”
“Is stupid. Rocky has explained-”
“Do you still want to be a pack with me?”
The words tumble out of Grace’s mouth and he can’t look at Rocky when he says it. He stares straight down at his hands. How they shake and twist and grip into the colorful quilt squares.
Rocky is quiet for a moment before humming, “Grace say species not compatible.”
“That was a hypothesis.”
“Rocky not scientist, statement.”
“It means I was wrong,” Grace says. “I was really really really wrong.”
Rocky taps his claws together, feet shuffling. His ball rolls just a fraction closer to Grace, bumping lightly at his knee.
“What Rocky said still true. Rocky always want Grace. Want pack with Grace.”
Grace stifles another whine, relief pulsing but still overwhelmed with guilt. His burn mark flares at the remark, a desperate burn igniting on the inside, too. The bond practically sings inside of him. He has to lift a hand to his mouth to hold back the sob that threatens to fall from his mouth.
“O-okay,” he whispers. “Yeah. Uh. Good. Same.”
Rocky bubbles up some happy little chirps, pressing more into Grace’s knee with the ball's weight. “Grace Rocky pack! No more leak! Happy happy happy.”
He does some more jazz hands in Grace’s face, which make Grace smile. It alleviates some of the horrible tightness in his chest. But he’s not sure he could stop crying. Anytime he tries, it just gets worse.
“Grace needs to explain change,” Rocky hums excitedly. “How Grace found Eridian and Humans compatible, question?”
Grace exhales shakily. He doesn’t know where to even begin.
He just knows he unconsciously accepted the bond while his body healed from getting tossed around like a ragdoll. But he also wants Rocky to understand that this isn’t just something that happened. Even if it started with a freak accident, he had to have wanted this in order for it to stay. Even if he didn’t realize it at first.
It’s time to start somewhere.
“Yeah… so. I remembered,” Grace clears his throat, struggling to stay calm. He attempts to swallow down the heavy lump in his throat. It doesn’t work. “While you were sleeping. I remembered how I was bit.”
His hands start shaking.
“Tell,” Rocky says, calm rather than insistent. “Grace tell Rocky anything. Is best friend, definition.”
Grace nods, trying not to feel the weight of being pressed down by the unrelenting weight of an alpha, legs forced open. To not feel what it’s like to be suffocated with a hand fisted in his hair, pressing his face down into a mattress. Taken. Filthy.
He remembers to take a breath, even if it is thin and shaking.
“My bite scar is just a scar,” Grace says. “It’s not a mating bite. I rejected the bond.”
Rocky takes some quiet steps closer.
“Why reject, question? What mean?”
“Because humans can’t force a mating bond,” Grace explains, throat tightening up. “That’s really the one thing omegas have control over. If we don’t want it, it dies. Even if we’re marked. After it happened, my body went through a process called rejection. It severed the bond.”
Rocky takes a second to absorb, claws tapping together in thought.
“Grace did not want mark… question?”
“Yeah, no. Someone…” Grace gestures to where his bite scar is. “An alpha. They forced me.”
Rocky goes perfectly still. It’s unnerving. Usually some part of him was clicking, tapping, or whirling.
“They bit me. Even when I didn’t want it,” Grace whispers, unable to say it stronger. “I- I didn’t-”
It aches. Saying it outloud. Just like when he told Carl. Grace’s heart pounds in his chest, a sickening chill washing over him. More details fly forward, factual and stinging. The walls were dark blue. The alarm clock wasn’t set, flashing 00:00 on the nightstand. He was drunk that night. Too disoriented to think clearly when the alpha took him home. Too weak to fight back when he was shoved down into the bed. Too weak to twist away when his teeth came down.
“Alpha hurt Grace.”
Rocky’s notes have dropped an octave. Ringing in Grace’s chest, hollow.
Grace breaks more as he nods.
“Yeah. Bad memory,” Grace says. “Bad, bad, bad.”
“Why?” Rocky notes come out clipped and frantic. His feet start to stomp and his body shakes. “Why hurt Grace? No understand!”
Grace struggles to find the words. Rocky’s song rings louder and dissonant, piercing Grace’s ears.
The alpha told him it was to teach him a lesson. That he deserved it. Grace suddenly remembers that the alpha recognized him at the bar, knew him from his work. He got him drunk just to bring him home and let out his true frustrations. Because Grace was an omega with a voice and education to back up his ideas. An omega that snapped back and looked people in the eye and told them they were wrong.
It wasn’t random. Grace was picked.
(“You never knew when to shut up before. Someone’s gotta teach you.”)
“I- I don’t know…” is all Grace can manage. “Sometimes bad things… they just happen.”
Rocky definitely hates that answer. Grace doesn’t blame him.
“Humans bad bad bad. Humans hurt each other. Cause pain and hurt! No logic, no reason!”
“Rock-” Grace chokes, shaking his head. “It’s- it’s fine! Don’t stress yourself out when you’re recovering. It’s okay. I’m here now!”
“Is not okay!” Rocky stamps his feet, agitated and unable to stay still in his ball. It bangs into the table next to them, jostling some test tubes. “Grace lie, humans lie! Always say fine but not fine! Hurt not okay!”
“Okay, okay, you’re right,” Grace puts his hands out, trying to steady him. It works, making Rocky’s frantic movements slow as his hands rest on the ball. “You’re right, it’s not okay. Hurt is not okay. But I need you to calm down because I need to show you something.”
“Fine. Show.”
“Calm down first.”
“Am calm!” Rocky snaps, decidedly not calm. He stomps his feet several times, a low growl-like sound leaving him that makes something shoot up Grace’s spine. He’s never heard that before. Rocky’s vents huff and the stomping stops. With a small shake, his carapace droops. “Apology. Am calm.”
Grace has to bring himself back from the drop in his stomach at the display.
“Okay…” He shakily exhales before lifting his arm. “Promise not to freak out.” Grace carefully starts to unwrap the bandage over the mark and Rocky’s concerned thrill is loud.
“Show injury?”
Grace grimaces as he works off the gauze. The burn is still fresh. Healing, yes. But it stings to remove the wrap. “You asked how I figured out that our species are more compatible than I originally thought…”
Rocky clicks in affirmation and anxiously shuffles his legs. He leans in close against the ball, rocking it forward, his claw tapping out a seeking rhythm.
Grace pulls back the bandage. The harsh burn in the shape of Rocky’s claw stands out stark red on his skin, skin raised and peeling. He knows Rocky can hear it because he goes still. The tapping stops. Everything stops.
“I told you that receiving a mating mark hurts,” Grace says, heart picking up speed. “And when you were asleep… I realized there was. Well… A bond.” He swallows. “A bond between us.”
Rocky is silent. The words settle and stick.
Grace forgets how to breathe.
All his fears seem to compound at once and Grace looks down at the mark, anxiety twisting so intensely he feels nauseous.
This is insane, he realizes.
Rocky deserves so much more than to be tied to the likes of him. Something so needy, desperate, and broken. His body doesn’t even function properly. This shouldn’t have happened, and yet here Grace is, tying himself to Rocky, burdening him with this news, and foolishly hoping that Rocky might actually want him in return. Sure, Rocky may have naively stated he wanted to be pack with Grace, but his mate? That’s a whole other layer that they’ve never even spoken about before.
Grace feels so stupid. Why did he think he would be wanted?
“Hey,” his voice starts to shake, struggling to maintain a front. “I know that this crazy-”
“Rocky hurt Grace.”
His hum is the lowest Grace has ever heard and his head snaps up to look at Rocky. The last time he heard it like this, Rocky had been describing the horrific deaths of his crew.
That can’t be good.
“No, that’s not-”
“Rocky hurt Grace.” The second time rings a little dissonant, the low hum clashing with a high pitched ring. He backs up several steps, stumbling a bit. The ball rolls back, making his limbs flail, even more unsteady.
Grace is taken back, a wild wrongness striking him square in his chest. “Rocky, it’s okay! That’s not what I’m-”
Rocky continues to ramble, words running into each other, highly distressed, “No, no, no, bad, bad, badbadbadbad. Hurt Grace. Hurt Grace.”
“Rocky, no,” Grace stresses. “You’re not! Listen to me. Listen, please.”
Rocky doesn’t seem to be hearing him, panicking, “Rocky ♪ ♬♪ Grace. Forced bond! Marked just like bad bad bad alpha!”
Rocky’s vents harshly puff and he rolls away, unsteady on all five legs. Grace has never seen him like this before. The last time he saw anything similar was when Rocky was tumbling around frantically exclaiming 'Life is reason!’ But that was elation. And this was horror. Despair.
Rocky retreats from his ball into his side of the xenonite, emitting a high pitched pulse that makes Grace’s ears ring.
“Don’t run from me,” Grace begs, even while wincing. Rocky’s not even close to being recovered and it makes Grace panic in return, worried that he’s about to give Rocky some form of Eridian heart attack. “Stay. Rocky. Please, stay and listen.”
“♪ ♬♪” Rocky says something again, untranslated. It’s dissonant and broken, tone warbling in grief. “Rocky ♪ ♬♪ Grace.”
“No,” Grace whispers, crawling after him. Whatever he’s saying, Grace knows it can’t be true. He knows. “No, Rocky, no.” He puts a hand on their barrier, collapsed by it. Rocky stays far away.
Grace gets desperate. And because he’s explained to Rocky what this means, he gathers himself on his knees and tilts his head to the side, bearing his neck.
An immediate flush runs through his skin. Grace trembles, exhaling as something in him sings. He’s submitting to his mate, after all. It feels so incredibly right. The burn throbs in a way that isn’t painful for once. It’s pulling from somewhere deep within him, somewhere he hasn’t explored this side of him. It’s more certain to him than ever that this is where he should be.
He trusts Rocky.
He doesn’t need anything in return.
In his weakened state, he slips all too easily into that floaty headspace. Grace practically melts against the barrier. Rocky lets out a shocked chirp.
“Grace…” Rocky’s warbling tone reaches back out to him. Grace opens his eyes, slumped forward, and supported by the xenonite.
“You want to tell me what that word means?” Grace asks.
Rocky’s claws tap together, unsure. He’s still as far from Grace as he can get in his enclosure.
“Please,” Grace says, and it comes out more as a whimper, his scent gland pulsing.
Rocky’s legs step in closer to his body, shrinking his appearance.
“To harm. Deeply. Closely.”
Grace already knew it was coming, but he still feels a chill go down his spine.
“Violate,” he says. “Word is to violate.”
Rocky says nothing and Grace swallows, shaking his head.
“Rocky, you didn’t. You saved me.”
“Rocky big big big fear. Never violate Grace. Rather die.”
Fuck.
“You never violated me.” Grace says again, trying to be as insistent as he can, but Rocky stays far away and shrunken down. It breaks his heart. “You… You don’t believe me?”
Rocky shudders, lifting his carapace a small bit.
“Humans lie. Grace lie. Make hurt sound like less. Say fine even when hurts hurts hurts.”
Grace whimpers again. He can’t explain how he needs Rocky to be closer. It comes out only as a nonverbal plea. Rocky seems to flinch at the noise.
“You usually hate when I repeat things,” Grace says. “But you’re being the stupid one right now.”
Rocky stands up sharply and stomps a foot, a harsh musical clash leaving him. Grace makes a sharp noise to stop him.
“No, listen. You can’t force a bond,” Grace repeats. “It only stays if I want it. Didn’t you hear me?”
He hesitates only for a moment before holding out his arm. He could never hate this mark. Not in a million years.
“I know you didn’t ask for this. Which is why I don’t expect anything from you. Really. I don’t. Neither of us thought that something like this could happen.” Grace swallows. “But would you believe me, if I told you that this makes me feel happy? For once in my life - it makes me feel safe.”
Rocky stares at him (yes, he can tell even with no eyes).
“Rocky, this…” Grace can’t help but laugh in amazement, tears jumping to his eyes. “It’s incredible. You… you cared enough for me that did the one thing you should never have done. You touched me. Because I was going to die. And it nearly killed you.”
The mark was proof of Rocky’s care for him. His sacrifice. He can’t help but smile and cry all at once. He would touch it, but he knows it would hurt more than help at the moment.
“I thought you were dying. That was what hurt. That was the part that was horrible. Not this.” Grace sniffs, looking at his arm before back at Rocky. “I don’t know what to do to show you that I mean it.”
Rocky carefully creeps forward. Grace can only offer a feeble whimper, thankful, pawing at the xenonite.
“You saved me,” he says. “You put me first. How could I ever let that go?”
Rocky finally gets close enough to put the reach out the three claws that burned into Grace finally press at the xenonite between his and Grace’s hand. Rocky taps slowly to see, quietly thinking over Grace’s words.
“Grace happy… no lie. Question?”
“No lie,” Grace whispers. “Statement.” But that still doesn’t feel strong enough, so he says. “Promise.”
~
Rocky takes to the news hesitantly. He’s clearly still shaken up, but Grace can’t tell how much of his meekness is from still not being fully healed or apprehension about what Grace has shared.
Grace moves on to showing him the breeder tanks and his bountiful Taumoeba farms. He’s just happy to be able to give him some undeniably good news after that rollercoaster of emotions. And he hasn’t even mentioned his impending heat. He’s not sure how to at this point.
Rocky is in much better spirits after learning about Grace’s plans to breed nitrogen-resistant Taomoeba strong enough to live in Venus’ and Threeworld’s atmosphere. It makes it harder to bring the conversation back to his mess of a body.
“It’s only 1.5 percent resistant now, but it’s been successful so far. It’s a waiting game until we can get to 8.5 percent.”
“Grace genius, statement. Amaze amaze amaze!”
Grace smiles, laughing at the jazz hands that follow.
“All thanks to your designs,” he says, unable to claim all the credit Rocky wants to give.
“Rocky tank design work as intended. Happy, happy, happy.” His carapace bounces with the repeated words.
“We’ll have to celebrate when we finally get to 8.5,” Grace says. “Do they have parties on Erid? Celebrations?”
“Of course,” Rocky chirps. “Many cause for celebration. When Grace Rocky save stars, there will be biggest celebration of them all.”
Grace doesn’t know how Earth will react to his return. He doesn’t know the extent of how bad things are with the climate crisis. Who will survive long enough to be there when he makes his miraculous return. Hi, everyone. Guess what? I’m not dead!
“That sounds nice,” Grace says. He’s a little shaky on his feet, so leans against one of the lab counters. A strong flush follows his light-headedness, taking away self control just long enough for a needy whine to leave him.
Rocky is by his side in an instant, the ball right at his feet.
“Grace? What wrong with Grace? Heartbeat fast!”
“Kinda in rough shape,” Grace admits, gripping the edge of the counter, head bowed low. “Don’t worry, bud.”
“No, Grace shape the same.”
“That’s not-”
“Is because of bond?”
Grace can’t answer for a moment, answers swirling around inside nauseously.
“Um.” He swallows and tries to focus, even with heat dulling his thoughts and making him just want to sink down and press up against Rocky. “Yeah. It is.”
How eloquent. He already knows what’s coming before Rocky starts a barrage of musical notes.
“Grace stupid and not explain! Rocky not know human functions. Must explain, must! Grace shaky, leaky mess! Stop with being stupid and explain what Grace needs.”
Grace nods, closing his eyes. He’s falling apart faster than he anticipated.
“You’re right.”
“Of course, right!” Rocky makes a huffing with his vents. “Rocky always right. Now, explain.”
“Humble, too.”
“Grace use humor. Does not distract Rocky from problem.”
“I know, I know.” Grace sighs. He gives into his weakness and sinks to the floor, legs folding underneath him. “It’s just. It’s embarrassing. Okay?”
“Irrelevant.”
“It feels relevant to me!” Grace can’t help his voice raising, twisting in anxiety. His last heat was abysmal. Terror quaking in his core, empty and aching and alone. His body remembers. It’s getting twitchy with unease. The instinct to run and hide away is strong and undeniable. He dreads what’s about to happen. How Rocky will see him so desperate and out of control.
Rocky rocks his ball into Grace’s side, nudging him with a soft thrill.
“Grace worry… question?”
The two foot taps that follow are farther apart, marking his careful question. Grace can’t speak. He nods, looking down at his hands, a quiet whimper pulling from his chest. His burn mark pulses and his insides twist, the beginnings of cramps awakening. There wasn’t time to prepare. Barely enough time to explain. Grace would want weeks to get ready for something like this with Rocky. Not days or even hours if he’s that unlucky.
“It’s stupid,” he whispers, but Rocky lets a sharp note.
“No, no, only Rocky say that.”
“You’re right, though.”
“Grace cannot control fear.” Rocky shuffles, trying to be closer. “Rocky worry worry worry. Want to help.”
“What if it’s too much?”
“What mean?”
“What I’m asking of you,” Grace sniffs. “What if it’s too much?”
“Grace never too much,” Rocky thrills, feet tapping like he’s getting nervous. “Often ask too little! Rocky want to understand. Tell Rocky, command.”
Grace wavers. Command. He’s going to have to talk to Rocky about how that affects him. But right now it’s needed, the words said softly enough that it tugs away Grace’s hesitance like a blanket slowly being pulled from his fingers. Grace willingly lets go.
“With our bond, I… I feel different. My body is… changing.”
“How change, question?”
Grace bites the bullet. “It’s preparing to be with a mate.”
“Rocky is mate.”
Grace blinks at him.
“Wait- Just because my body is reacting to your mark doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate!”
“Grace back to being stupid one!” Rocky stomps sharply, and begins to point his arm accusingly, chords forceful and scolding. “Grace say Rocky give Grace mating mark! Conclusion: Rocky is mate! Grace now say body prepares for mate. Mate is Rocky! Rocky protect Grace. Will care for mate. Provide. Always.” Rocky huffs and stomps his feet, puffing up like he’s trying to make himself bigger. “Grace understand, question?”
Grace's bottom lip trembles like he’s a friggin cartoon character. “Really?”
“Yes, yes, yes!” Rocky presses forward with his claws against the xenonite like he wants to reach out and wipe away Grace’s tears himself. “Now Grace leaking. Again.”
“You should’ve predicted that,” Grace manages through his tears. “You got all sappy on me.”
Rocky lets out an affectionate thrill, which runs up Grace’s spine in pure want. His cramps trigger again, and he hunches over, a pained gasp leaving him. It hurts more now. Worst one yet.
“Grace in pain!” Rocky rocks in his ball, concerned. He taps at the xenonite urgently. “What Grace need? Explain how Rocky help. ”
Grace puts a hand where Rocky’s claw is. The tapping continues.
“It’s called a heat,” Grace explains, voice thin from his cramps. “It’s the active part of an omega’s mating cycle. It happens multiple times a year. But mine has been off because of…” he gestures around vaguely, “All this. Right now, I’m in what’s called pre-heat. It’s been long. Much longer than I’m used to.” He swallows, unsure if he’s brave enough to say why.
“Mating cycle starts soon, question?”
“Yeah,” Grace nods, ducking his head. “It’s close. I…” he swallows, fighting against the embarrassment. “I was waiting for you. To wake up. That’s why it’s been longer.”
“Ah. Understand,” Rocky thrills. He rocks into Grace’s side, humming, “Grace want mate for heat.”
Grace nods. “Need mate,” he whispers like it’s a secret, leaning his weight into Rocky as the flush works its way up his chest. Rocky presses up against him, top of his carapace pressing close, xenonite warming. Grace shivers, nuzzling his nose into it. But because Grace is well… Grace, he also adds, “If you… don’t mind.”
“Grace have mate,” Rocky assures, words vibrating lightly against his skin. ”Rocky never mind, statement.”
Grace, already warm, gets even more so. He wants to die a little thinking about all the impossible things his body wants. His head can hardly handle that Rocky has even accepted him, accepted this. None of it feels real. What does feel real is the blurring of his thoughts, and how they morph and twist into something desperate and fearful.
Rocky can’t touch him. And Grace has no idea how he’s going to react to his mate being so close but still completely caged off. How much of himself will be stripped away into something Rocky can’t recognize.
“I gotta warn you,” Graces says. “I’m not going to be very coherent. My last one was… Rough. I was really out of it. I’m going to be feverish and needy and saying a lot of things I probably wouldn't say.”
He hasn’t even mentioned slick yet. Oh god… How is Rocky going to react to Grace becoming an even more of a leaking mess?
“Grace explain how Rocky help.”
Grace can’t remember a time when he let someone help with his heat. He doesn’t know what he likes. What he needs. “I’m going to be honest… I don’t know. Just. Be there?”
“Silly. Where else Rocky be?” Rocky hums, tapping his claws together. “No worry. Rocky smart. Will find ways to help Grace. Grace can focus on body wants… Need word.”
“Uh. Instincts?”
“Yes, yes,” Rocky bobs his carapace like a nod. Grace smiles. “Grace need to listen to body. Trust. Good for health. Is natural!”
It sounds simple that way. Like he isn’t trying to suppress a wave of panic at the idea of losing control. But it’s like he’s hard-wired to run and hide. To push away from those who want to reach him. He’s not sure Rocky’s going to like the version of him he’s about to sink into. He certainly doesn’t.
He also has never been encouraged to trust that part of himself. It was something that needed to be covered up or masked. A flaw rather than a genuine piece of him.
His scent glands pulse, his own sweetness wafting the air. His stomach twists and dread seeps in. He wants it to be that easy. But it just isn’t. He’s too changed. Too broken.
“Grace make one more promise… question?”
“What is it?”
“Grace tell Rocky what Grace need.”
Oof. Grace exhales, not even trusting himself. He’s already held back so much. Grace’s burn mark pulses, urging closeness with his mate. It makes him flinch.
“I’ll try to,” Grace whispers. “That’s all I can really say.”
Rocky’s next notes vibrate through the xenonite with warmth. Too much devotion for what Grace is prepared for.
“Is enough.”