Chapter Text
The rest of spring flew by in a blurry haze of trying and failing to find jobs, packing up the apartment, and saying a tearful goodbye to their perfect little New York City home. Jess was in communication with Matt and Chris who were incredibly kind and understanding throughout the whole situation, keeping Jess in the loop even if they were in a state of flux with projects. Jess continued to work through the edits on his own manuscript, but none of their clients were willing to work with someone remotely, so there wasn’t much they could do to help Jess on that front. Rory tried freelancing a bit, but, big surprise, that’s what a lot of unemployed journalists were doing, so she struggled to find anywhere that needed work. So, between the rapidly approaching end to their lease and their speedily decreasing bank accounts, they decided that a move to Stars Hollow would be best.
Everything in Jess was fighting and recoiling against the concept of accepting any kind of help. He was hardwired to figure it out for himself, no matter what, but now it wasn’t just him. It was his duty to make sure girls were taken care of, to make sure they had somewhere safe to live and food to eat and the thought alone of Ellie having to endure any of the homelessness or neglect he endured simply overrode his natural instincts. If it took Luke letting them live in the diner apartment for a little while to keep his baby safe and healthy, then so be it.
Rory was also internally struggling with moving. She wasn’t the biggest fan of having to rely on others, preferred to follow in her mother’s footsteps and work hard and make it on her own, but she also knew that her mother had relied on others like Mia, Sookie, Luke, and the majority of Stars Hollow to get to where she was. What she was struggling with the most was going through yet another change. She was a creature of habit, she relied on stability and routine, and right when she thought they’d finally found their sweet spot in life, it had been pulled out from under her yet again. Another move, another home, another round of settling in in a new environment and finding a new routine and just a lot more new that she wasn’t okay with. Not to mention she hated not being able to provide stability for Ellie.
They both hated that aspect of all the chaos. Ellie was barely a year old and was already moving to her third home. Her routine was being changed again, her environment shifting, her life being thrown into chaos. She seemed aware of the stress her parents were dealing with, was being clingier and fussier than normal, and did her best to unpack everything she could which just about broke Rory and Jess’s hearts. It was like somewhere in her little baby brain she knew that the boxes all over the apartment meant that life was changing and she was going to do everything in her power to stop that from happening.
Jess would be working at the diner again, feeling a strange mix of coming home and returning to his worst nightmare. He’d also be picking up shifts at Gypsy’s whenever he could and spending any remaining time trying to get his book ready for publishing. Rory gratefully took her mother’s offer to work at the Dragonfly as a floater, filling in at reception or for maids or waiters or wherever they needed her every day, and would also be picking up work at Andrew’s. And where would Ellie be during all this? Lulu had – rather conveniently for Jess and Rory – opened a summertime daycare center for parents who needed childcare during the day when their kids would normally be in school the rest of the year. It was more than a little nerve-wracking sending Ellie to daycare with kids and teachers she was unfamiliar with instead of spending her time with Rory, Jess, and Alex, but it was a necessary evil in order to find their footing and get back to a new normal.
Jess took the last couple of boxes down to the cars to be driven either to their temporary new home in Stars Hollow or the storage unit in Hartford. Luke had sworn he would be fine moving his dad’s old boat out of the garage to make room for their things, but they felt they were already putting them out more than enough as it was. The storage unit was small and not terribly expensive and would house their furniture and other non-essential items until they found a new place to land.
Rory buckled Ellie into her seat and then met Jess in front of the car to finalize their plan. Jess’s face twisted in concern when he saw the glisten in Rory’s eyes.
“You okay?” he asked, rubbing a hand across her cheek, tucking a flyaway piece of hair behind her ear and letting his fingers rest on the nape of her neck.
Rory nodded, crossing her arms across her chest and glancing up at the building next to them. She forced a smile on her face, hoping it came across stronger than it felt.
“Ready?”
Jess nodded, still watching her with concern. “See you in the Hollow?”
“See you there,” Rory said with a quick kiss to Jess’s cheek, hopping in her car and putting the key in the ignition while Jess climbed into his with one last look at the brick building that was their home, even if just for a second. Rory pulled away from the curb and hastily wiped her eyes to keep her vision clear.
They’d left their keys, turned out the lights, and closed the locked door on this chapter of their life.
Now, onto the next.
The diner apartment didn’t feel like home. Not to Rory. For Jess, it was a little bit like stepping one foot back in time to 2002 while keeping the other planted firmly in 2008 which was wildly disorienting. When especially tired, he even found himself stumbling over to his old side of the room – which was now Ellie’s – before dazedly realizing his bed was now where Luke’s used to be. Really, it was Luke’s old bed, but Jess didn’t like to spend too much time thinking about that.
For Rory, it all felt temporary. Which, she supposed, was probably for the best. Because it was temporary. This was just for a little while. Until they had their feet under them, had new jobs and a new place to live. She unpacked a little bit to make life easier, especially with Ellie’s things, but she refused to think of the apartment as “home.”
Lorelai recovered quickly from her injuries and was back at work probably sooner than was advisable, but she was an unstoppable force. It was one of the things that Rory most admired and feared in her mother. But it made her own life transition a little easier, helped her settle into work at the Dragonfly a little quicker – also where she could keep an eye on Lorelai and urge her to take it easy if she saw signs of headaches or other discomfort. And Rory adored working at Andrew’s, though she had to keep herself from buying out every new shipment than came in. Unfortunately, though, Andrew just didn’t have that many shifts to offer her. He really just needed help on weekends and with restocking. But Rory took what she could and on her time off from both the inn and the bookstore, she and Ellie explored the town.
Jess quickly settled back into his groove at the diner, finding a flow with Luke, Caesar, and Lane that made the business run smoother than it had in years. And Gypsy, though she would never say it out loud, was grateful for the extra set of hands at the shop. Her appreciation was expressed through seemingly random casseroles or snark-laced offers of maintenance on their vehicles.
Though things at the diner were running as smoothly as possible, things between Luke and Jess were not. Luke had been more than a little awkward since witnessing Liz’s outburst at Ellie’s birthday party, but it had been easy to pretend everything was normal between Jess and his uncle when they lived in separate cities hours away from one another. Now, though, they were in close quarters more often than not, and it was either deal with their issues or live in an awkward silence and tension.
Being Danes men, they opted for the latter.
It wasn’t until their issues started to rub off on other staff that they were coerced into facing their problems.
Lane and Rory had gotten the kids together under the guise of a playdate one weekend late in June, really needing a Mom Day to decompress together while the babies distracted themselves with their toys and conversations in their own babbling toddler language as they sat on a blanket on the grass in front of Kim’s Antiques. As soon as they had gotten settled in their lawn chairs, Lane had started talking – ranting, rather – and had barely stopped to take a breath for the past thirty minutes.
“… and they’re just so awkward and it’s making it awkward for everyone else it’s like they don’t even know each other! And Caesar and I are just stuck in the middle and we don’t know what to do because Caesar is stuck in the kitchen with Luke a lot of the time while I’m on the floor with Jess and every time they happen to interact it’s just mumbling and I’m talking about more mumbling than normal from them and Rory, I’m sorry, I know he’s your boyfriend, fiancé, partner, whatever, but you need to talk to him because I’m going to go insane. I don’t know what their deal is but they need to figure it out soon.”
Rory looked at Lane with wide eyes as she finished talking. “You need some water? A snack?”
“Huh?” Lane asked, screwing up her face in confusion.
“I was just thinking, after that workout you might need some refreshments.”
“Oh,” Lane muttered, her cheeks turning pink. “Sorry, I guess I was talking a lot.”
“You’d definitely give Lorelai a run for her money,” Rory said with a laugh,” but it’s okay because it sounds like you’re dealing with a lot. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault your man and your mom’s man are idiots who refuse to talk about their issues.”
“True,” Rory snorted. “I’ll definitely talk to Jess about it, and if you want, I can ask mom to talk to Luke?”
Lane’s muscles went slack in relief. “Yes, please, that would be amazing. I’m so sorry to put you in the middle—”
“Lane, no. They’re my family, I’m already involved, and you’re right, they need to deal with their crap.”
Lane nodded enthusiastically before taking a sip of her lemonade. “Okay, rant over. Let’s talk about something happier.”
“How about how it’s going with Dave?” Rory asked with a teasing grin, her smile only growing wider as she saw Lane’s cheeks go pink and watched her suppress a smile of her own. “Details, please!” Rory squealed, settling in her seat and clutching her glass as it dripped with condensation.
“You’re definitely making too big a deal out of it,” Lane laughed. “But we’ve been talking on the phone every night—”
“Aw!”
“—and we might be planning a weekend for him to come and meet the boys.”
“Really?!” Rory all but squealed.
“Not as my boyfriend, really, just as, ‘hey, kids, this is Mommy’s friend Dave.’ Just to test the waters.”
“Totally understandable.”
“But I think… I think we might be doing this?” Lane giggled nervously. “Obviously we have to be careful because I don’t want to bring another father figure into the boys’ lives only to have it yanked away again, but with Dave… things just feel different.”
“Lane,” Rory gushed, blinking against the wetness in her eyes. “I’m so happy for you. And just know that he ever does anything to hurt you that he is dead meat.”
“I respect that.”
After leaving Lane’s and taking Ellie home for a nap, she texted Lorelai and asked if she could come over any time that day. Thankfully, Lorelai responded quickly, saying she needed an excuse to get away from the inn for a bit as Michel was being particularly annoying that day. Rory wasn’t exactly looking forward to having to bring her mom in on this whole Danes Men Communication Intervention, but she was tired of watching Luke and Jess walk on eggshells around each other and fully believed that something needed to be done. So, as per the Gilmore Way, she took things into her own hands.
Lorelai was incredibly receptive to the idea, full of relief that she wasn’t the only one who saw that there was something weird going on between Luke and Jess, and was on board to talk to Luke about his side things. It was agreed that they would talk to each of them separately that evening, hoping it would spur some sort of dawning realization in their men.
Unfortunately, it didn’t go quite as smoothly as that.
“If he has something to say, he needs to say it,” Jess grumbled as he stood up from the kitchen table to put his dinner plate in the sink.
Rory barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the irony of Jess’s words. If only he could hear himself.
“Jess, you know he won’t talk unless he absolutely has to. He needs a push sometimes and this thing is starting to affect other people!”
Jess sighed and hung his head, looking out the window at the town square through his lashes. Realistically he knew he needed to talk to Luke, he just didn’t want to have that particular conversation.
“I know. You’re right. I’ll try and talk to him this weekend.”
Rory’s shoulders slumped with relief. “Thank you, Jess. Really,” she said earnestly.
Working in the diner felt even more awkward that Saturday morning. The existing unease was still there, and now there was an added pressure on Jess to find a time and place to bring up said unease and get his uncle to talk to him about what was bothering him when Jess didn’t really want to have that conversation in the first place.
Both fortunately and unfortunately, an opportunity presented itself during the post lunch rush lull. There was only a couple customers in the diner and one of them was savoring the same mug of coffee he’d ordered when he came in two hours previous, apparently engrossed in the novel he’d brought with him. Jess understood and since the man wasn’t exactly holding up a table they needed, he wasn’t one to complain about a silent, paying, tipping customer.
Except when that gave him ample opportunity to open up a can of worms with Luke.
He sidled up next to Luke at the register ad his uncle sorted the morning’s receipts, fidgeting with the coffee machine to give his hands something to do. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, feeling like a fish out of water in more ways than one as he tried to find the right words – or really any words – to broach the subject of the tension between the two of them.
“If you’re gonna say something, say it,” Luke grumbled, not looking up from his meticulously separated piles of paper.
Jess felt his face flush red and his ears go hot. He cleared his throat, opening his mouth with the faith that the words would spill out even if he hadn’t planned what he was going to say.
“Apparently we have an issue.”
“An issue?” Luke asked, still not looking up.
Jess knew. He knew Luke had an issue with what Liz and Jimmy had said at the birthday party. And all at once, he was tired of pretending he didn’t know.
“Luke, come on. Out with it. You’ve been weird since Ellie’s birthday. The hell is going on with you? Did I say something to offend you?” Jess knew he was poking the bear with his outburst, but he wanted Luke to do something, just have some kind of reaction to get the ball rolling. Better out than in, they say, even if the process is painful and messy.
“We’re not doing this here,” Luke muttered, and Jess felt a little glimmer of hope when he saw his uncle’s jaw tense.
“Well we better do it somewhere because it’s officially affecting our friends and family. So, out with it Luke.” Jess stared Luke down unwaveringly.
Luke let out a huff of breath and finally looked up from the counter, staring straight ahead and crumpling the last few receipts in his hand.
“Fine. Apartment. Caesar, we’ll be upstairs!” Luke called into the kitchen.
“Thank God…” came Caesar’s whispered voice as Jess and Luke ducked behind the curtain.
Jess almost ran into Luke as they walked through the doorway into the apartment as he halted suddenly right after opening the door.
“I kind of forgot you guys were living here,” Luke said with a snicker as he observed the apartment, once a bachelor pad with fishing equipment and order sheets strewn about the place, now littered with a rainbow of baby toys and adorned with a crib, changing table, and bottle drying station.
Jess let out a little snort. “Yeah, looks a little different up here than it used to,” he said as he made his way to the fridge. “Tea? Soda? Water?”
Luke waved a hand. “I’m fine.”
Jess nodded slowly, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge for himself, only partially to bring moisture to his suddenly incredibly dry mouth but mostly to fidget with and keep his hands busy during the awkward silence he was anticipating.
“So. You wanna know what’s been bothering me since Ellie’s party?”
Jess froze for a second before sitting down the rest of the way. Okay, so no awkward silence while he waited for Luke to talk. He gave a little nod, urging Luke to continue.
Luke looked down at the table for a moment, seemingly gathering himself as his Adam’s apple visibly bobbed up and down a few times as he swallowed. He raised his eyes a small amount, just enough for Jess to be able to see some expression on his face from his place across the table from his uncle.
“Jimmy, now, you know I’ve never been a fan of his—”
“Really? I never would’ve guessed,” Jess said, suppressing a smirk.
“Can it, let me get this out.”
Jess raised his hands, palms out and chin ducked in defense and apology.
“Jimmy said some… things. I don’t… I think… I guess I need to know how true they were.”
Jess swallowed thickly in nervous anticipation. “Okay,” he said, nodding. “What do you want to know?”
“While I’m not happy about it, I knew a little about the drinking, hell I knew about the pot and I’m really hoping that that was the extent of the drugs that got mentioned… The thing I can’t get out of my head is that Jimmy mentioned neglect,” Luke said softly, voice wary.
Jess simply nodded, looking Luke in the eye as he rolled his water bottle back and forth between his hands.
“A nod? That’s all? ‘Yes’ you remember Jimmy saying that? ‘Yes’ she neglected you? Jess, c’mon, give me a little more than that, I’ve been going insane for three months!”
Jess inhaled deeply and shifted in his chair. “Yes, she neglected me,” he said, voice low and quiet, trying his best to shatter Luke’s image of Liz in the most delicate way possible.
Luke swallowed thickly as his gaze shot down towards his lap.
Jess paused for a second, letting Luke collect himself. “Do you want details?”
Luke hesitated a moment before clearing his throat and giving another short nod.
Jess spoke almost mechanically, feeling outside himself as he basically listed the ways his mother had personally wronged him. All the reasons Child Protective Services should have been called. The nights he spent alone in the apartment while Liz was out with her paramour of the week. The meals he made out of moldy bread and government cheese, learning how to use the stove before he could reach the burners without standing on an overturned trashcan. The boyfriends Liz would bring home who would want to play Daddy until Jess spilled a drink or got in the way somehow and who would then suddenly turn on him. The loud used music to drown out the sounds of yelling or bedsprings on the other side of the thin wall. And oddly, some of what he could consider the closest to favorite memories he had with his mother, the times they had to live in their car. Those were the times he had Liz all to himself, and while it was cold and cramped, he would always fall asleep in his mother’s arms after she read him to sleep. Would sleep soundly all night with the knowledge that Mom wasn’t going anywhere and they would wake up together and go get breakfast at the closest diner and he would be allowed to order cocoa just that once since it had been so cold the night before.
Jess finished speaking and watched Luke carefully. His uncle’s head was hung low and his hands were gripped tightly together where they rested on the table. The only sounds around them came from the diner downstairs, echoes of Caesar calling out orders and forks scraping against plates. After a full five minutes of silence, Jess couldn’t take it anymore.
“Luke, please say something.”
Luke shifted in his seat and cleared his throat no less than three times before he suddenly stood up and rounded the table, kneeling in front of Jess, gathering him in his arms. Jess sat stock still, shocked and confused, before stiffly returning Luke's hug.
“I’m sorry,” Luke whispered gruffly.
“For… what?”
Luke slowly drew back, his hands still gripping Jess’s biceps firmly. He wouldn’t look Jess in the eye, but his voice was laced with emotion. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit more, I would’ve seen the shit she put you through and—”
“And, what, Luke? Taken me home with you? While you were dealing with your dad’s death and trying to open a diner and just figure out how to be a damn adult?”
Luke raised his head in surprise at the coldness in Jess’s tone. Jess took the opportunity to scoot his chair backwards, out of Luke’s reach, causing his uncle to stand.
“But also, you wouldn’t have seen anything! Because Liz is a master at slapping a layer of happy, shiny paint over anything she wants to. She never would’ve let you see how bad off we were.”
“The hell you yellin’ at me for?!” Luke asked, suddenly defensive.
“Because you’re blaming yourself for shit that isn’t your fault and that you have no control over!”
Luke was taken aback, his face oddly blank as he processed Jess’s words. He let out a heavy sigh and sat back down at the table, rubbing his forehead with his fingertips.
“Fine. But that doesn’t mean I’m not upset with your mother.”
Jess couldn’t help but let out a derisive puff of laughter. “Fair enough.”
“Shit, Jess…” Luke breathed. “You were just a kid, weren’t you?”
Jess shrugged and rejoined Luke at the table. “Maybe. Sure as hell tried not to be most of the time.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Luke muttered. “I should’ve seen it.”
“Seen what?”
“That you were hurting.”
Jess just shook his head. “Luke, it’s fine, it’s in the past.”
Luke heaved a heavy sigh and his eyes glazed over as if he were deep in thought. Jess remained unconvinced that his uncle wasn’t taking all this personally, wasn’t still blaming himself for all of Jess’s hurt, but he wasn’t fighting him on it so he was going to claim that as a win. Still, that didn’t mean he wasn’t a little wary of the potential aftermath of their little conversation.
The two sat in silence for a while, both deep in thought and minds full of revelations. Neither quite knew how to wrap up the conversation after everything that had been laid out on the table. Eventually, Luke stood up and muttered something about getting back to the diner in time for the dinner rush, effectively ending the conversation. Jess listened to Luke’s retreating footsteps with a knot in his stomach. He sighed and ran a hand down his face, suddenly feeling drained of all energy but weirdly wired at the same time. Sure, he’d gotten some things out in the open that Luke had probably deserved to know about for a while now, but there was no way in hell that that was the end of it.
Life carried on in their new normal for the rest of the summer. Their new, monotonous, barely scraping by kind of normal. Jess worked in the diner and in the bookstore and did his best to communicate with the guys in Philly, Rory worked at the inn and the bookstore and at the Gazette, and every day they spent as much time with Ellie as they could before collapsing into bed and falling asleep before their heads hit their pillows. They relied on friends and family more than they wanted to and, if they were honest with themselves, more than they were comfortable with. As two extremely independent people, they hated that they were having to ask for help. But, at the same time, they had to acknowledge how incredibly lucky they were to have such an incredible support system surrounding them, offering encouragement and assistance. Even Chris and Matt from all the way in Philadelphia helped as they shared stories with Jess and Rory about clients and company events and how they couldn’t wait until Jess was working fully with them again.
It made Jess long for the days of working with the guys in a cramped office, just as much as Rory longed for the hustle and bustle of a newsroom, bickering and trading ideas every day. He just wished it was feasible to jump back into the company, but without picking up and moving his family four hours away, it just wasn’t an option.