Work Text:
The first time Namjoon realized Taehyung was a problem was during the cop raid of the Visvim after-afterparty at New York Fashion Week. It had been enough hours and venues removed to be a Visvim affair only in memory and to this day he isn't sure what they were busted for or how, but one moment he was watching the flow of models ducking into the bathroom to do lines and the next warning shouts pierced the air, coinciding perfectly with Taehyung stepping out of the crowd, rubbing under his nose. Both of these alarmed Namjoon and he bolted upright, grabbed Taehyung by the arm, and sprinted for the fire exit.
They weren't really friends, but Namjoon knew Taehyung well enough through Hoseok to feel responsible for him. They ran, feet and hearts thundering, and almost made it to the main street before Taehyung tripped and took Namjoon down with him. When they got to their feet, it was to be slammed against the side of a parked cruiser with their hands cuffed behind their backs.
"We're not resisting," Namjoon said loudly, drunk enough to smile when Taehyung snorted with laughter. Taehyung was getting his cheek ground into the police car door, hard enough that the next day he needed a triple layer of concealer to walk his shows, but he bit his lip when their eyes met and lowered his eyelashes, and Namjoon felt a trickle of misgiving that was validated an hour later when they were released without charges (Taehyung was sober after all) and Taehyung pushed him into the nearest public bathroom and blew him.
The worst part was he'd seen it coming, but the flesh was - still is - fucking weak.
To paraphrase the industry consensus: Taehyung has a reputation, but he's not dirty. "He just has a lot of love to give," Hoseok says. "He's enthusiastic." Hoseok is also the first name on the unofficial record of victims of Taehyung's attentions - they dated for long on-and-off stretches after doing an ad shoot together a few months after Taehyung was first signed - so Namjoon discounts his opinion.
After Hoseok it had been Kim Minjae, an actor who was later replaced by a more successful version named Park Bogum. There's the constancy of Taehyung's more ambiguous relationships, namely with veteran model and mentor Kim Seokjin (vaguely incestuous) and as part of an infamous trio with Big Hit choreographer Park Jimin and idol singer Jeon Jungkook (suspiciously codependent). Interspersed: connections with rappers, designers, other models.
Namjoon isn't judging. Taehyung's zero-to-one-hundred style just makes him feel old, even more so than usual. Infatuations don't really inspire him, even if they're sincere. He's been aware of how Taehyung feels about him since Taehyung's first gushing interview about his fashion icons, and his approach has always been to try to defuse and deescalate. It had worked for the majority of their relationship. Or he thought it had been working, until the police station blowjob.
Talk about a wakeup call.
As soon as they returned from New York, Namjoon was swept up in work and so, fortunately or not, he and Taehyung never got around to acknowledging that night. Namjoon felt like he ought to say something, but kept finding reasons to delay the conversation. He was releasing his first branded capsule collection, a dress-length draped tee and three hat designs, and there were samples to approve, meetings to attend, and placements to secure.
Namjoon started modelling professionally when he was eighteen, mostly by accident. He's always liked fashion and used to document his weekend outfit photos in high school; during his senior year, a classmate who ran an online shopping mall asked him for a favour, and the regular gig caught the eye of a talent scout. Namjoon isn't handsome, not conventionally, but as the netizens say, clothes love his body. The splash made by his first editorial surprised everyone; it earned praise even from his finicky agent Min Yoongi, a former editor who could have been a model himself if he hadn't stopped growing at age twelve. Editorial remains Namjoon's specialty, but it was his clumsiness on the runway that boosted him to trend status - the public fondly calls him RM, after 'Runway Monster' became a top search term when a video of him accidentally ripping his shirt on the catwalk went viral. This year he signed an endorsement deal with Adidas and his agency started looking at drama scripts. With army service still years away, Namjoon is at the peak of his career.
The afternoon of the launch, Taehyung faithfully uploaded a selca of himself wearing all three hats and Namjoon liked the post. That felt like a reconciliation, however cowardly. The collection sold out in two days. At the follow-up press conference, Namjoon announced that the next fashion season would be his last as a working model.
The next week Taehyung appears out of nowhere, falling into step with Namjoon as soon as he exits his studio.
"Hyung," he says, sounding faintly breathless. It's the middle of December and his nose is pink with cold. He's wearing a RM beanie. Namjoon shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and starts down the street.
"What's up?"
"You - how are you," Taehyung says. "You're busy, right?"
"Yeah." Namjoon's breath is a puff of fog in the night air. "Lots of meetings with suppliers and buyers. Feels like I'm learning more about logistics management than design. Yoongi-hyung keeps asking me for a raise for all the extra work he's doing."
"Oh, is Yoongi-hyung…"
Namjoon nods. "Yeah, he agreed to join me."
Taehyung grabs his upper arm and Namjoon jerks to a stop. Namjoon looks around, expecting a speeding vehicle or some other danger, but Taehyung pulls him again so they're facing each other.
"Are you really going to quit modelling? Really, hyung?"
"I think so," Namjoon says carefully. Taehyung's eyes glisten, and this is why Namjoon doesn't understand his relationship with Taehyung - these atmospheres of guilty concern, like he's somehow not living up to his end of a relationship. There's nothing in this conversation that should be sensitive, but it feels like they're on thin ice, as though Namjoon should have his arms out ready to catch Taehyung if he falls. Taehyung is effusive in his praise of Namjoon's modelling work, but it doesn't seem right to treat him like another disappointed fan. Namjoon tries to explain: "I've done this for almost five years. I don't want to go into acting, but I want to try something new." I want to create something, he wants to say next. I want to be a producer, not a product.
"No, hyung, you can't! Please don't quit." Taehyung hangs off Namjoon's sleeve like a begging puppy. "Isn't it something new every season? You said it yourself, fashion is constant reinvention."
"In some ways," Namjoon says. "But I'm a limited canvas." He gestures to his body.
Taehyung looks at him, uncomprehending. "I signed a contract with DNH," he says helplessly. "I was going to tell you in New York. I left Big Hit."
"Taehyung joined our agency?" Namjoon demands into his phone. He called Yoongi the moment he arrived at his apartment, after making sure Taehyung got home safely. "And you didn't tell me?"
A pause. "I didn't hide it from you, if that's what you mean."
"He joined in September, hyung!"
"I don't manage him. It is, literally, none of my business, much less yours. If you exchange information on a personal basis, fine, but it's not official agency news," Yoongi raises his voice over Namjoon's noise of protest, "seeing as he won't actually sign the contract until the new year because of legal shit. He had discussions in September and right now it's an informal agreement. And that's more information than you should be privy to."
Namjoon deflates. "It feels like my business when the reason he told me was to change my mind about retirement," he mumbles.
"Namjoon, are you surprised? Taehyung's been angling for this forever. You know the only reason Taegyun-hyung didn't take him earlier was because he doesn't like idol-type faces. Taehyung worked really hard this year to get less commercial work."
"I didn't think he would leave Big Hit..."
"Yeah, I heard Jungkook is really unhappy about it. Jimin has a better perspective, I think. He knows what Taehyung wants."
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information," Namjoon says. "I mean, I know because I feel guilty about quitting now that he's signing, but I don't know why I should feel guilty. Like, it's not a big deal."
"It's not a big deal," Yoongi agrees. "DNH is smaller than Big Hit, but Taehyung has enough leverage these days that he won't lose any opportunities and it'll only make us bigger. But you know you're why he became a model."
"I know," Namjoon says uncomfortably.
Maybe the best compliment one can give Taehyung is that he has good taste in people. He crushes on talent. He thinks Hoseok hung the stars in the sky with his grace and epicene beauty, and has endless praise for Jungkook's superhuman physicality and Jimin's, well, everything. Namjoon is why he became a model. As Taehyung often tells it, he's been a fan since Namjoon's online mall days and started posting his own outfit photos as directly inspired by Namjoon's old blog. With his looks, it didn't take long before a recruiter from Big Hit tracked down his contact information. Photos still circulate from the year Taehyung went through a phase of cutting up his clothes in emulation of a Japanese designer Namjoon had been obsessed with.
In childish terms, Namjoon has always been Taehyung's ultimate crush. It had just always felt more removed than his other attachments, the love for an idol on the stage rather than for someone you wanted to be with as a friend or lover, though his expressions of affection had become more overt over the years. Taehyung had carried his torch in one hand as he chased the dew trails of Namjoon's career. And sometime when Namjoon hadn't been paying attention, he'd caught up.
Namjoon felt he ought to acknowledge this, too, but he didn't know how.
Taehyung starts sending him daily sad-faced stickers over chat. They feel light-hearted enough that Namjoon can respond without words, using kowtowing cats and repentant bears to convey his indistinct apologies.
Taehyung isn't the only one he's feeling pressure from. The CEO of DNH, Taegyun-hyung, is fairly relaxed about him pursuing a career change as a designer; he says he has faith in Namjoon's vision. Others in the company aren't so confident. "Every rapper has his own shitty streetwear brand," Jung Hunchul, another model, tells him while blowing the smoke from his blunt into Namjoon's face. His parents are supportive, but don't understand why he can't model and design at the same time - "At least until you get your label off the ground."
Namjoon can't agree. If he's going to do something, he has to give 100 percent. But he's found himself flipping through his old photo shoots with pangs of uncertainty. If he goes back on his word, his sincerity and integrity will be torn apart online. Part of Namjoon also second-guesses backing out now and leaving so much money on the table, literally and metaphorically. It's hard not to buy into the idea that forsaking material success is stupid. He wonders if he's acting egotistic because of a passing restlessness, and feels afraid.
Not that he can turn back now, since he's publically announced his decision. All of his sponsors have called meetings to discuss his contract terms. Yoongi promised that none of them can sue.
Every night, Namjoon twines his resolve around one constant fact: he's good at modelling, but he's never felt passion for it.
Hyung help
Pls bring pants. I'm in the laundromat across ur place
The laundromat looks empty when Namjoon arrives with a pair of sweatpants in hand. He glances around uncertainly, not sure what to expect or if Taehyung is even here, when a tousled head pops up from behind the last row of machines and grins sheepishly at him.
"You're the best, hyung. I thought I was going to have to wait around in my undies." Taehyung leans forward to take the sweats and his short red briefs ride up even more, tucking into the crease of his bare thigh.
"What happened this time?"
"Someone famous accidentally pissed on me." Taehyung says. "I signed a non-disclosure agreement, but stage name two characters, starts with a Z -"
Namjoon covers Taehyung's mouth with his hand. "I don't want to know." Taehyung blinks at him, leaning further. The front of his tank top gapes open, and Namjoon takes his hand back and pushes Taehyung upright by the shoulders. "Are you okay? Do you want a shower or something?"
"No, it's okay, I rinsed off in the sink here. Can you sit with me until my clothes are done though?" Taehyung screws up his face. "I took a little something earlier and it hasn't totally worn off."
The clock on the wall reads three a.m. Namjoon stifles a yawn and nods, drops down onto the nearest bench. Taehyung perches next to him, leaving a couple of inches between them.
"Fun party?" Namjoon asks.
Taehyung nods. "We had a company dinner and then went to a club. Jungkookie had a private room but there were some other people there and we all got together." He fidgets with the hem of his tank. The flesh of his upper arms and thighs are pebbled with goose bumps, so Namjoon tugs his hoodie over his head and helps Taehyung put it on instead. Taehyung beams at him, his upturned face unexpectedly pink.
"You're so nice to me, hyung."
Namjoon coughs. "Not exceptionally. Besides, everyone is nice to you."
"Mmm… hyung?" Taehyung waits until Namjoon looks at him, and then lifts both hands to carefully cup Namjoon's jaw. The tips of his fingers poking out of the sleeves of the hoodie are cold against Namjoon's skin.
Namjoon closes his eyes, and lets Taehyung gently kiss him. He doesn't remember anything from the first time they kissed except that it was wet and messy with urgency, tinged with traces of musky bitterness. Taehyung's lips are soft and full, still at first and then quivering as he presses tiny kisses to Namjoon's mouth. His tongue, when it pushes between Namjoon's lips, is hot and curious, curling against the back of Namjoon's teeth. Time disappears. At some point Namjoon realizes he's gripping the back of Taehyung's thigh, supporting him as he straddles Namjoon's knees. Slowly but inexorably, Namjoon pulls back, letting Taehyung nip at his lips a little, eventually breaking contact. Taehyung lists into the curve of Namjoon's body and doesn't take his hands off Namjoon's face.
"Was it a goodbye party?" Namjoon's voice is raspy to his own ears. He's aware of the width of Taehyung's frame, the places where his clothes don't cover his body. He itches to put his hands on the jut of Taehyung's hips, press against the heat emanating from his core.
"They didn't say but I think so." Taehyung breathes. "I sign the contract on Monday morning."
"You don't have to." Namjoon knows that's missing the point even before he finishes speaking, but Taehyung doesn't seem to mind.
"It's my dream," he replies simply. His eyes are unblinking, wide and clear and light. "I want you to be a part of it."
"It's not like I won't still be around, even if I'm not doing shoots or shows anymore," Namjoon says slowly. "I'm just changing jobs. You can call or visit me the same as always. Hyung is still here."
Taehyung slides his fingers into the cropped hair at Namjoon's nape. "We've never shot together," he says wistfully. "I asked a few directors, you know, but they said our faces would clash. I always thought it would be cool if we could be like, a magazine duo."
"Taehyung…" Namjoon says, but Taehyung shakes his head and slips off Namjoon's lap. He opens one of the dryers, which had fallen silent without Namjoon's notice, and changes into a black wrap jumpsuit.
"I'm telling you what I want, hyung." Taehyung says once he's done. He puts Namjoon's hoodie and unworn sweatpants on the bench. "That's all. See you."
Namjoon is still modelling until the end of February, so for the next couple of months he has a double workload: he goes to his schedules and doesn't slack on maintaining his body, plus he works on designs whenever he has a moment to spare. They've decided to give him a year to come out with his first collection, and Yoongi drew up an ambitious timeline that has him auditioning print models by spring. Nonetheless, Namjoon cancels the next morning's meetings and books a physical therapy session, because it's time he got a professional opinion.
"Your shoulders are a little too tight," Jimin tells him. "But you've gained a few degrees of flexibility in your adductors, good job."
"Did I ever do anything to lead Taehyung on?"
Jimin looks down from the checklist on his clipboard. Namjoon waits for an answer, red-faced and panting, flat on his back in reclined butterfly pose in the middle of his living room. Jimin's not actually a physical therapist, but Namjoon had taken dance lessons with him to improve his coordination early in his career, and now he's become Namjoon's sort-of all-purpose physical consultant.
"You mean asides from letting him put your dick in his mouth?"
Namjoon didn't think his face could heat up any more. "Okay, I'm not denying - I just mean like, normally. Before that. Or maybe if there was something I did that encouraged that to happen. Taehyung said that I'm always so nice to him." Jimin's face darkens and Namjoon thinks maybe he shouldn't be having this conversation when he's in such a vulnerable position.
"Hyung, you shouldn't think you're free of responsibility when you take something just because it was offered to you," Jimin says sharply. Namjoon flinches and Jimin softens, though his mouth is still pursed in a way that says he really wants to roll his eyes but is too polite to do so.
"Look - you're a good hyung. You naturally worry about everyone as much as you think they need, and maybe that means sometimes you end up taking care of Taehyung more than you do other people. I don't think that's leading him on. There are a lot of reasons why Taehyung likes you."
"Does he really like me though, or is he just, you know, being himself?" Open-hearted, impulsive. A guileless heartbreaker. Namjoon stares at the ceiling. "I don't know how serious he actually is and I'm not sure he knows either. He keeps telling me not to quit modelling. Maybe he'll be satisfied if we just finally do a shoot together."
"Hyung, there's no way you're going to keep modelling just for him and Taehyung knows it. He's just upset by your announcement because he said it felt like you were always dodging him, but signing with DNH - that's a gesture to you, not your job. If you're worried about how long it'll last between you guys… well, that's a hazard of dating, right?"
Namjoon sits upright and barely registers the alarming crack of his spine. "Um, I think that's getting a little far ahead. I'm just trying to figure out what to say to Taehyung about my career change."
Now Jimin does roll his eyes. "Taehyungie is waiting for an answer, hyung, but the question is definitely not about your work."
Unsatisfied with the results of his first consultation, Namjoon calls Seokjin for a second opinion.
"I guess Taehyung is tapping into your pathological guilt complex as well as your personal insecurities, but I don't understand why you're taking it so seriously," Seokjin says after Namjoon explains the situation, and then hangs up. Namjoon stares at his phone in disbelief. So much for being his most mature and empathetic friend.
After the conversation, however, Namjoon finds himself continuously circling back. Because it's true - as his friends have been telling him, this is not a big deal. It's natural that he feels bad about disappointing Taehyung and nervous about abandoning a successful career, but neither is worth the energy he's been expending. It doesn't matter, except he feels like it does. That itself is the indicator of value. Namjoon thinks he's been studying the wrong problem. It doesn't matter how sorry he felt - only that he felt so much at all, that he ached to soothe Taehyung's unhappiness to this extent.
This time, he seeks Taehyung out.
He finds him at a bar with Jungkook, face shimmering with smears of glitter and highlighter from what Namjoon guesses is Jungkook's high-end cosmetics collection. Taehyung makes eye contact over a glass of liquor, and the hopeful light that enters his face makes Namjoon's chest twinge. He takes the stool next to Taehyung, and Taehyung wiggles his fingers at the bartender for a drink. Jungkook gives the two of them a measured look, and makes himself scarce.
"Sorry," Namjoon says and tentatively touches Taehyung's hand. He's not sure Taehyung can actually hear him over the music and chatter, but Taehyung's smile is growing in brilliance. He leans over and puts his mouth to Namjoon's ear.
"Jimin said I should apologize for whining so much," he says. "Sorry, hyung. I really like the clothes you make, and I'm happy you're getting to do what you want."
Namjoon squeezes Taehyung's hand. There's another thought he keeps circling back to, and he brushes a kiss to the corner of Taehyung's mouth, like a pledge. "I would have liked to do a shoot together too," he says into the curve of Taehyung's shining cheek. "But I was wondering - if you want, I'd love for you to model for my designs."
Taehyung reaches for the drink the bartender slides down and clinks it against his own glass before handing it to Namjoon. "That would be a dream."