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It wasn’t something that Emma had noticed at first. The little quirks weren’t obvious. There were things that gave Regina’s fear away, certainly- but only when the puzzle pieces all fit together. Without the final puzzle pieces, they were simply aspects of Regina that seemed perfectly sensible.
They fought like animals caged animals sometimes. Raised voices accompanied their proximity, adrenaline coursing through them both as they lashed out. They hadn’t realized it at the time, but their fights were exciting to them both- or rather caused by tension between them wasn’t remotely related to the argument itself.
They shouted, pushed, shoved, and were fairly physical even with their fights. When both women were angry, they were angry.
***
Eventually they had moved passed the fights- for the most part.
She’d watched the brunette do morning exercises on a daily basis; always yoga or pilates. It was never high intensity. Emma had just figured it was part of her choice in athletics, coming from wealth- nothing more. Those types of exercises were popular with all the little extras like dvds. It wasn’t like any of Emma’s strength training where she needed to be fit for her job. No- Mayor Mills was simply an easy going girl that never exercised quite enough to get the blood pumping and her heart pounding like Emma did.
“Why don’t you go for a run with me today?” Emma asked her.
“I’m busy,” Regina told her.
“Busy doing your pilates. Come on- it’s the same thing but it’ll be fun since we can run together,” Emma said.
“I don’t run. It’s not something I enjoy. I’ll cook you breakfast after you come back from your run though,” Regina told her. “I’ll make pancakes.”
“Okay but you’re missing out,” Emma told her, heading out. She enjoyed the wind in her face and the rush that came with it.
***
Regina also didn’t watch scary movies. She didn’t care for them at all in spite of Emma enjoying a good horror film. Her avoidance of them had ranged from simply telling Emma she wasn’t interested to snapping at her and turning the movie off forcibly with the remote. She just wasn’t the type that would let her heart race with fear- not a thrill seeker in that regard.
“Honestly, these movies are so childish and fictional- and if Henry accidentally saw one, he wouldn’t sleep for weeks. He’s such an imaginative kid,” Regina told her as she hid away one of the movies.
“They’re fun to watch. You don’t enjoy being scared?” Emma questioned.
“You enjoy it?” Regina asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, yeah,” Emma said.
“Hmm.”
***
There were more subtle instances too- well, not really subtle.
It wasn’t something she had expected either. The mayor had always seemed so self contained and well put together.
Regina Mills was the loudest woman Emma had ever slept with. She was vocal- which made sense. Regina was nothing if not direct about what she wanted. Emma didn’t really mind direction from her. That made things more enjoyable for the both of them- and if Regina wanted to tell her just exactly what to do with her tongue, Emma wasn’t about to protest. However, the screaming during orgasm was completely unexpected. The first time, Emma had actually been concerned.
“Were you faking?” she asked just moments after she had stopped putting her tongue to use.
“What? No. Of course not,” Regina told her breathlessly, cheeks and chest still flushed to a rosy color that contrasted with her olive skin. She still looked dazed from what they'd been doing. “Why would I fake something like that?”
“Some women do,” Emma pointed out.
“Usually with men. I assure you, you knew exactly what you were doing with your mouth,” Regina told her, laying back on the pillows.
“You were just... so loud. You weren’t over exaggerating for my benefit were you?” Emma asked dubiously.
“I promise you, it wasn’t for your benefit at all,” Regina said, smirking. “You’ve never slept with a screamer?”
Emma shook her head. “At least not like that.”
Regina propped herself up on the pillow. “It’s partly exaggerated- it’s not involuntary. I can control it. I just prefer not to- and I enjoy doing it. Do you have a problem with that?” she questioned, arching an eyebrow.
“Not at all.”
“Good. I don’t intend to stop.”
***
It was in the bathroom one day during a romantic evening in that Regina shared her fear. They normally took showers together, but today she had drawn a bath fro them both.
They were curled up together in the soapy water, bubbles piled high with the scent of jasmine filling the air.
Emma had dunked her own head under the water and washed it with Regina’s help- but as for the other way around? Regina wasn’t having it.
“My hair’s shorter. It will look awful,” she protested.
“I’ve seen you just out of the shower before, it won’t bother me,” Emma said. "You always look beautiful."
“I don’t see why you want to wash my hair,” Regina said.
“You were enjoying doing it to me- I want to return the favor,” Emma told her, not seeing the big deal.
Regina sighed. “I don’t like being submerged like that,” she said.
“I won’t get any in your nose- you’ll be mostly above water,” Emma said.
“Emma... I don’t enjoy it. You know how quiet bathtubs are?” she asked.
“Yes- you don’t like it because it’s quiet?” Emma asked, puzzled.
Regina rolled her eyes. “That’s not it. Here- lay back in the water again and listen.”
Emma frowned but did as she was told, laying back in the water.
“What do you hear?” Regina asked.
“You,” Emma said, still not sure what she was listening for. A few droplets of water dripped from Regina's skin to hers as the brunnette hovered over her.
“No not that. What do you hear when I’m quiet,” Regina asked, pursing her lips together.
Emma was quiet for a moment. “Nothing. Are you sure it's not the silence that bugs you?” she asked, starting to sit up.
“No lay back down. You do hear something. I know you do. Lay back. Tell me everything you hear,” Regina said.
Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. “The dripping tap,” she said after a moment. She paused. “My breathing. Your breathing.”
“What else?”
“My heartbeat,” Emma said, still not getting the point.
“That’s it. That’s what bothers me,” Regina told her, helping her sit up.
“Your heartbeat bothers you?” Emma asked dubiously.
“Imagine growing up with a locked vault of hearts that your mother kept. I’m always aware of my own heartbeat and it scares me. I was afraid she would take mine- afraid of hearing it falter for any reason. I don’t enjoy hearing it,” Regina told her.
Suddenly her lack of strenuous exercise made sense- why she only enjoyed yoga, pilates, or horseback riding where the galloping horse would drown it out. Her hatred of horror movies that made her heart race...
“I didn’t realize,” Emma said softly.
“It’s fine. I deal with it. It makes me uncomfortable but it doesn’t effect me that much. After all, you didn’t notice,” Regina pointed out, getting out of the tub and toweling off.
“You’re right. Sorry. I won’t push you to do anything that would make you hear it again,” Emma said.
“Thank you,” Regina said gratefully.
***
That night, amidst Regina’s screams, it dawned on her why Regina was so very loud during her orgasms.
Emma held her much tighter after that, murmuring against her ear. Her strong arms wrapped protectively around her, trying to soothe the anxiety that Cora had instilled through the years. Though her whispered words were quiet, they were loud enough to drown out the fear.