Chapter Text
“Did you need tissues, too?”
The first time Isak locked eyes with Even Bech Næsheim, the older boy had just emptied a paper towel dispenser in the bathroom. Isak stood there, curious but mostly wondering ‘What on earth?’
The tall blond then casually picked up a tissue that looked somewhat untouched from the bin and handed it to Isak. He was about to take it when his phone started ringing.
It was Vilde.
“Isak, can you buy me some tampons on your way home? Please, please, please. I’ll let you have my cereals, please,” she begged on the other side of the line.
“What the fuck, Vilde? I am NOT buying you tampons!”
.
Isak left the bathroom without washing his hands that day. And he only brought up the odd boy with the paper towels about three or four times at parties when it was time to share random stories and entertain everybody. Isak didn’t even remember what the boy looked like other than he was tall. And sure, he made their encounter sound more bizarre in his stories than it actually was. But it was his first semester at the University of Oslo, and the more bizarre his stories were, the more friends he made.
.
Alright. It was kind of fake but Isak didn’t really mind. As cliche as it sounded, he had long given up on genuine interactions. He still kept his friends from highschool of course, and most of them had ended up right there with him at the University of Oslo. But everything was constantly changing, and he could no longer spend most of his days around Jonas and the boys. They were in different programs, took different classes in different buildings, and had different schedules. It was frustrating at first, but Isak got used to it.
His most peculiar relationship was by far with Vilde. He couldn’t quite remember how they had decided to become roommates, but he soon found himself hosting ‘Girls Night’ and ‘Cheese and Wine Night’. Actually, Vilde did the hosting and he did the complaining, locking himself in his room and googling for a new place to live.
But Vilde was surprisingly good to him. She never asked questions that one time he brought a random boy back home, and she didn’t mind that he locked himself up in his room most of the time.
In return, Isak bought her tampons once, and dragged her passed out body out of four or five parties.
.
“Isak, why do you hate love?” she asked him once, pressed against him in a taxi as he held onto her heels and her bag.
“What the fuck, Vilde?”
“Why are you always so cynical? Why don’t you want to be in a relationship?”
Drunk Vilde was always interesting. But while she tended to be clueless and insensitive, she rarely had deep inquiries. Isak still appreciated the gender neutrality in her question.
.
He never answered because she dozed off right then and there. But the truth was that Isak didn’t hate love. Isak loved love. He wanted to be loved so badly. He wanted to hold and to be held. He wanted to feel something, anything. He wanted it so badly that he desperately locked eyes with every stranger in the streets, his gaze screaming ‘love me, please love me’. But nobody ever came close to holding his interest. And whenever someone stared back, he looked down and speed-walked away.
Isak had harbored crushes. But he never dared to love anyone, too convinced he would just end up losing sight of himself.
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Isak couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he became so cynical and detached. He couldn’t tell when sarcasm turned into a defense mechanism, when he started shutting everybody out. His last honest conversation was probably three years prior, on that forsaken bench with Eva. And even that wasn’t honest.
Isak didn’t realize it back then, but his parents’ separation had taken a toll on him. No, it had fucked him up . And slowly, walls started going up around him. He became unreachable, a shell version of the happy boy he used to be. His attraction to boys wasn’t helping things either. Isak was … empty .
“I feel so empty,” he admitted to Vilde a few nights later over leftover wine from her Girls’ Night.
“Why don’t you call that guy from the other day?” she suggested very carefully.
“Fuck him. He got so weird on me. Wanted to hold my hand and kiss me in public. Can you believe?” Isak was so drunk. So so drunk. Never in a million years would he blurt out such things to Vilde, of all people.
“That means he likes you, no?” She was so careful.
“I don’t care. Besides, he kind of hates me now. Whatever. Fuck him.” Isak passed out not too long after, and when he woke up the next morning, he swore off alcohol.
.
Isak had met the guy in question at a party the second weekend of the semester. He had tanned skin, big brown eyes, and had dragged him to a small staircase where they made out for what felt like hours. Isak liked the kissing and the teasing and the touching, so he took him back home. They did nothing but get each other off, but it was enough for Isak to have an existential crisis the next day.
He shut him off, didn’t take his calls, and didn’t read his texts. And when he ran into him by the library four days later and the tanned boy tried to peck him on the lips, Isak all but shoved him hard in the chest.
“I don’t want this. It was just a hookup. Please leave me alone.”
“Do you even have feelings?” the boy eventually bit back.
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I don’t know. Do I?
When a tall boy pulled the chair next to Isak’s at the beginning of bio class that Wednesday morning, he didn’t react much to it. He was on his phone texting Mahdi about this new song that had just dropped.
“Hello.”
Isak looked up, a bit startled by how deep his voice was.
“Uh. Hi,” he replied.
The tall boy was in his class. Isak had seen him a few times but never actually took the time to register his face. His hair was ridiculous and his smile. Well, his smile was very nice to look at.
Isak’s phone buzzed again, so he looked down and started typing a reply. He quickly stole a glance, and the boy was still looking at him, chuckling.
“Nice conversation,” the taller boy joked. Isak offered him a polite smile and went back to his phone.
“I’m Even,” the boy finally said, extending his right hand.
“Uh. Isak,” he replied hesitantly.
They shook hands while maintaining eye contact, and it was just bizarre. Isak was confused and he didn’t even try to hide it. Why was this guy talking to him?
“How do you like Elementary Biology so far, Isak?”
“Uhm. It’s my major so it would be kind of sad if I didn’t enjoy this class,” he replied.
“Bioscience major? Why would you do that to yourself?”
“I’m afraid we haven’t reached that point in our relationship for me to start explaining my shitty life choices,” Isak retorted, and quickly hoped he hadn’t come off as rude. Instead, the boy just laughed, causing something inside Isak’s chest to stir a bit. He was beautiful.
“Well, I’m a media and film major and I don’t understand jack shit in this class,” Even admitted.
“Why would a media major take Elementary Biology?”
“We haven’t reached that point in our relationship for me to start explaining my shitty life choices, Isak.”
“Wow, word for word. I’m impressed,” huffed Isak, earning him another smile from Even.
The other boy was about to respond when the professor showed up to class. He waved Isak goodbye and quickly made his way to his friends several seats away.
Isak waved back then felt weird. Had that boy just approached him to chat? How random.
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Isak felt a little embarrassed searching for ‘Even’ on social media, but he literally couldn’t think about anything else that night. He was in the cafeteria with Jonas when he realized that Even and the paper towel guy were the same person. He laughed so hard, he almost fell off his chair.
His stalking efforts weren’t very fruitful, and he quickly shoved his phone away when he realized how ridiculous he was being.
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His full name was Even Bech Næsheim, courtesy of Jonas’ new roommate: Jakob.
Isak was sitting on a bench with Jonas and Jakob, when the tall boy walked past them in a group of people. Isak let himself stare for a moment before realizing that Even had just waved in his direction. Isak waved back, rather sheepishly. He was kind of flustered and had to make efforts to hide it.
When Even was out of sight, Jakob casually asked, “since when are you friends with Even Bech Næsheim?”
“Even who? That guy? He’s in my bio class. Why?”
“He’s a legend! He’s the guy who broke into the swimming pool last year and responded with ‘because I felt like swimming’ when he got caught. Fucking hilarious!” Jakob seemed to know everything about everyone.
“Uh, okay.”
“The first year girls are all dying to nail him. Lucky bastard,” Jakob continued. “You’re a first year, too. Go for it, baby boy.”
“Fuck off, Jakob!” said Isak and Jonas at the same time.
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The thing about Jakob was that Isak kind of hated him. He hated that he was always around Jonas and how he reminded him of Elias. Isak never talked to Jakob about his sexual preferences, but the other boy had decided that he was into guys the very first time they met. The other thing about Jakob was that he was attractive, smart, and as straight as they came. Isak hated him, but sometimes he stared when he wasn't looking.
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When he went back home, Isak did some more shameless stalking. He quickly found Even’s instagram account, and it only had three pictures each with over six hundred likes. The first picture was of his face. He was smiling and holding a barbie doll. The other two pictures were doodles. They were quite funny and Isak almost pressed the like button.
After some more stalking, Isak decided that Even was a funny and cool guy. He could also see from the very little that was available on him that he was popular, and that they belonged in very different worlds.
He sighed and wished Even the very best in life in his head.
What am I even doing right now?
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So when @even_b_naesheim commented with ‘hope you washed your hands this time haha’ on his latest instagram picture featuring Magnus and himself striking a ridiculous pose in the bathroom, Isak all but fell off his bed.