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“Gen, I.. I don’t think this is a good idea.” Starling said with a tremor in his voice, like he was afraid of what he would do if he wasn’t careful, or maybe was afraid that Gen would really listen and stop. Even though he was much taller than the girl, he seemed to shrink beneath her weight as she straddled his lap in the desk chair. Her short nails playing with the overgrown hair curling down the brunettes neck wasn’t helping him stay composed either, his breath coming in shallow huffs as the air fogged up his glasses.
“Why don’t you push me off then, hm? Tell me to stop and you know I will.”
Gen tilted her head with a sly smile, testing him, and he ultimately failed. He hung his head low, a defeated sigh leaving his lips. He knew he couldn’t tell her no, not when she was offering the warmth he had been deprived of for so long. Jesus, he had lessons to plan, work to grade, this is the last distraction he needed. His hand damp with sweat came to hold his head swimming with dilemmas.
But she was getting to her knees now, forcing him to meet her curious gaze as she looked up at his pained face.
“No one’s home; they won’t be for a while.”
Gen reminded him, a pleading look in her eyes. Of course, it was the weekend so no housekeepers were home, and her mother was working. However, the reminder made his stomach churn with guilt. Still, before he knew it, his fingers toyed with a strand of platinum hair framing her face.
“Sweetheart, I respect your mother greatly. She pays me good money to teach you.”
Gen playfully pouted, but if Sterling looked closer he could almost see the hopeful light in her eyes dim at his words.
“Ugh, all you do is talk about my mom, Mr. Starling!”
But they both knew it was more than that.
She smiled through a pout as she rested her cheek on his knee, almost looking sweet instead of dangerously inticing, but that sweet look only made his heart simultaneously sink and race even more. He could sense that how transactional he made their situation seem hurt Gen more than she let on.
He almost regretted his words when she bounced up to her feet once again, waltzing on over to the door of the study with a certain pep that contrasted her honey sultry movements moments before.
“Welp, looks like I’ll have to be the Cinderella around here doing all the cleaning!”
She dramatically lifted the back of her hand to her forehead in a fake faint as she left, eliciting a soft scoff from Starling. She could bring light to any situation so easily, making a grown man smile in the worst situations.
When she shut the door behind her, Sterling let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. That was way too close, what the hell was he thinking? He was her tutor for screaming out loud. But the way she fit into his lap like a lost puzzle piece… He shook his head, fixing his button up to try and look like a proper man again. He needed to work, anything to distract from the images rushing through his active mind.
Gen returned to her dimly lit bedroom, the light outside filtering through her curtains only getting darker. She sunk under her pink covers, curling in on herself. Once again she was reminded of what they could never be, after she was so close. She could still smell old books and leather on her finger tips, and she closed her eyes to savor the comforting scent. Of course, she knew she couldn’t sulk forever, and so she counted to three. One… Two… Three… and she rose from her bed, dragging her feet to the bathroom where she would wash off the heavy memories, hoping tomorrow could be a new day.
The next morning, Gen could barely bring herself to get out of bed. She only stirred out of bed when she remembered that she would have another lesson with Starling in the evening, the idea making her heart start up again with excitement. Brushing her teeth, getting dressed, doing her makeup, it all went by in a blur, her only motive hearing him speak to her again. She should’ve known something was off when her mom didn’t give one comment on her outfit or tardiness. They just drove to school in silence, Gen already looking forward to returning home. If she could just get through today, she promised herself she could give up on the naive hope that they could be anything more. Just one more school day. One more.