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Eleanor knows that she was a bad person on earth. Hell, she knows that she still isn’t a very good person—a few weeks of ethics training doesn’t exactly change twenty years on earth of being a shitty, shitty person. And yeah, she slept around a lot. But most of the guys in her town sucked, okay? It wasn’t her fault that her choices were all terrible! But now that she’s stuck in the good place forever (not that it’s a bad thing) she feels more than a little pressured to find a soulmate. She still has brief moments where she wonders if she actually does love Chidi, but she throws those thoughts out pretty quickly.
And one day, it just kinda hits her. Like the car that killed her. Okay, well, that was a bad comparison, but whatever. She figures out who she’s actually in love with—like, love love, not honor for helping her be slightly less shitty—while she’s sitting by the fountain reading some book that Janet gave her for no reason. Her system is still a little bugged. Eleanor didn’t plan to read the book but then Tahani told her it was good and—blah, she’s getting off track. She figures out who her soulmate is on the hundredth page of the book. The main girl, who she’s been picturing as Tahani the entire time, suddenly figures out she’s a lesbian. Eleanor figures it out at the same time as the character.
Okay, well not necessarily a lesbian. Eleanor discovers that she really doesn’t mind if she’s making out with a girl or a guy, because they’re both pretty hot. But her big issue is the girl she wants to make out with is Tahani, and that’s kind of a huge issue, since they’re best friends and all. Gross, she can’t believe she used that term. Anyway! She’s kind of freaking out when she realizes it, so she screams out, “Janet, help me!” and still jumps when the robotic woman appears. Janet smiles softly and asks, “Yes, Eleanor?”
“Dude, this is gonna sound crazy,” she says. “But I think I’m in love with Tahani. Does that sound crazy to you? It sounds pretty crazy to me.”
Janet is still smiling, and it never gets any less creepy that her face barely ever moves. “Not particularly, actually. I have been studying your relationship with her for quite some time now, and it appears more than platonic, as many studies I have read indicate. Are you interested in women only? Or men as well?”
“I think that’s a little personal, Janet.”
“I am a personal assistant, Eleanor. My point is to get personal. Would you like to know where Tahani is currently?”
Eleanor lets out a chuckle, followed by a scoff. “Psh, no,” she says, and then immediately after, “Yeah, that would be cool. Can you find me some red roses while you’re at it? This is totally gonna blow her away.”
While she may have planned for her confession to blow Tahani away, by the time Eleanor has made it to the doorstep of her huge fucking mansion, her knees are shaking and she has some pretty severe back sweat going on. Janet isn’t always the sharpest tool in the shed, so the roses she brought still had their thorns in them, and while Eleanor started off trying to be careful she’s just too anxious now. Her hand is bleeding pretty severely. She may need a doctor. Still, she knocks on the door with her very, very bloody hand and waits impatiently for someone to answer.
Just her luck, the person who answers is Chidi. And it looks like Tahani has the entire neighborhood over. This was not Eleanor’s grand plan. It was supposed to be just the two of them, and Tahani was supposed to take her into those gorgeous, tan arms, and they were supposed to make out passionately and that stuff. But no, instead she has to tell Tahani that she kind of wants to kiss her, a lot, in front of the entire neighborhood. Even the other Eleanor is there. God. “Eleanor, are you bleeding?” Chidi asks, cautiously. “Oh, you are. Why do you have roses? You don’t think you’re in love with me again, do you?”
“Of course not, dork,” she says. “I’m in love with Tahani. For real.”
Well. Okay.
Everyone is staring at her. Tahani drops the glass of wine in her hand and it shatters to pieces on the ground. Chidi turns to look and calls for Janet quickly, who winks in Eleanor’s direction as she cleans the glass. Eleanor is still standing on the front porch, roses in her bloody hand, with a deer-caught-in-headlights look. “Do you really love me, Eleanor?” Tahani asks her, in that cute British accent, fucking dammit. She steps over the broken glass and walks past her guests, right up to Eleanor. She takes the roses and sets them on a table inside. “You’re bleeding."
“Yeah, I, well, um. I asked Janet for red roses and she kinda gave me them with thorns in them, but I was really nervous about this and I just wanted to rip it off like a bandaid but I think I may need bandaids now since I’m kind of bleeding, anyway I really really love you and not Chidi, kinda think I’ve loved your annoying face and accent this entire time, and—”
Tahani kisses her. It’s soft and hesitant, like she isn’t sure if it’s the right thing to do. When she goes to pull away, Eleanor finally reacts, throwing her arms around Tahani’s neck and climbing her like a damn jungle gym, mushing their lips together like she’s never kissed anyone in her life before. Tahani’s hands instinctively fly to Eleanor’s thighs to hold her up. Tahani is the first to pull back. Their foreheads are touching. It’s gross and warm and mushy like a romcom. “I suppose I’m quite fond of you as well, Eleanor,” she responds. “In fact, I’d even go as far as to say I love you.”
Eleanor smiles. For reals.
(After Eleanor makes a big deal of kicking all of the guests out, Tahani cleans and bandages her cuts, kisses all of them and says it’ll make them feel better, and Eleanor laughs. They watch that stupid British show that Tahani likes and cuddle, and even though the show is actual literal shit, there’s no place she’d rather be.)