Chapter Text
So there I was, out in the middle of the Arizona desert stripped down to my underwears next to some dingy looking RV. The boss called two days back, says to me to pack for a trip, gives me some coordinates out in the middle of nowhere.
He told me today we'd be cooking meth I just sort of went with it. Dunno how but I figure I'd be an assistant, somethin’ like that. Sun was beating down on me like something else, I tell ya.
After a while of waiting, I see a motorcycle in the distance. The silhouette gets closer and closer, it's definitely the Doctor. Stringy white hair and a shiny white bald head that reflected so bright I could see it from here. The boss looked real ridiculous on that stupid low rider!
Hey, he's getting really close. He’s not slowing down! This lunatic’s gonna freaking hit me! I scrambled around, tripping on my feet a moment before bolting the opposite direction.
I kept running my ass off and spared a glance behind me, the doctor had finally slowed the motorcycle to a halt just feet from my ass. I keeled over, letting out a few heaving breaths.
“Boss, you almost just…”
“Yes, yes, I see you Paulie.” He hopped off his bike with a jump and tiptoed over to the RV, unlocking the door and pulling it open with a grunt.
He chewed on his lips a moment, sucking in his gaunt lips before suddenly snapping his head to me. “Get in!”
I jumped at him shouting at me and scrambled to the RV door. I hesitated a second before getting shoved in by the boss and falling onto an off color yellow carpet.
“You know why you are out here, then?”
“Yeah. We're cooking meth…” I slowly got to my feet. “But boss– I really don't know how.”
“Pah! That? I lied!”
“You… lied? So I was out here in my underwear for nothing?”
“Yes!”
“Right, so then what’re we doin’, boss?”
“We are robbing a bank.”
“There isn't a bank for…”
“I said that we are robbing a bank, why do you not listen!?”
“Alright, I hear ya, boss.” I rubbed the back of my head and looked down at my body. “But does it have to be like this?”
“No!” He walked over to a table in the back of the RV and stuck his head deep into an overflowing cardboard box, he tossed a few glowing gizmos, gadgets and gears out the box before struggling with a fat ball of clothes, tossing them at me before snatching a gray cap out the box and throwing it my way.
I looked down at the worn leather jacket, black sweater… the jeans and the flat cap. Hey, these were all from my… “These are all from my closet, how did you–”
“I know where all my minions live.” He was slipping out of his own clothes like a snake. “Get changed!”
I quickly slipped into the clothes, grumbling out some swears. Dr. Diabolical put on his usual uniform with ease, shrugging on his usual lab coat and putting his usual fat blue goggles onto his face.
I walked over to the passenger’s seat and sat down, just reminding myself over and over that the pay makes this all worth it in the end.
“Seatbelts, henchman.”
“Right, my seatbelt. So where's the bank? I mean, if we are robbing a bank why’d you even have me come all the way out…”
Diabolical turned the ignition three times, the stick had sucked itself in like it were in a vacuum, the dash had flipped over in on itself almost entirely to reveal a shiny metal sheen with various red, green and blue levers of all sorts and kinds I could hardly hope to recognize.
He hit a few buttons and pulled a lever back. I felt the RV get a little bumpy for a second and then stable itself back out. Then he pulled another lever back slowly and… we were flying, oh my God!
“H-holy shit!” The RV steadily lifted into the air, I looked out the window at the shrinking ground beneath us. There were these massive thrusters that awkwardly jutted out the side of the RV.
“We are taking this to Freedom City.”
“Freedom City?” I dipped my head back inside. “Uh, sure thing, boss.” I decided not to question it, henchmen live long when they don't ask too many questions. I know it nagged me why the hell he even brought me out to Arizona, we were already doing our usual thing in Freedom city!
He pulled the lever, this small grin snaking it's way onto his old face, we were flying higher and higher in the air and going real damn fast.
I was practically being pulled off my seat, but these were some good quality seat belts! Back to Freedom city already.