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The wind whips around Ramona yanking her hair back. Ramona feels exposed, strung up and naked.
Ramona’s mind buzzes as she surges forward taking two steps at a time. Stepping onto the dock doesn’t give her the welcome relief she thought it would. Her mind is still spinning and now it feels like the worlds swimming, washing around in front of her.
The low sun shines striking her eyes in an almost blinding fashion. The wind is deafening down close to the water. Despite the noise of the wind and the birds and the water smashing into the deck Ramona can still hear her heart hammering in her chest.
The voice in her head seems to scream at her but she can’t make out what its saying. Ramona isn’t even sure if it’s her voice.
It almost sounds like the voice on the tape. Her mums voice. Had she even heard it before. Surely, when she was younger Gordon must have played her some of the tapes, but she couldn’t remember it. Probably wouldn’t have recognised the voice if not for the context.
The wind pushes her forward closer to the edge of the deck. Ramona tries to take a deep breath centre herself like Oona says she should when she feels like running.
She can’t though Ramona can’t seem to get the air to stay in her lungs. It feels like someone is sitting on her chest blocking the entrance to her lungs, laughing at her struggle.
Suddenly her skin starts burns and Ramona feels her clothes become a glove around her.
Now she really can’t breathe or see. The space in front of her is blurry and cold.
When had she gotten in the water.
Was she still sinking.
Ramona didn’t feel herself moving, she just felt a deep sinking feeling pulling her further and further down.
Ramona is running again, away from her past and the future Annie seems to be forcing upon her. Except she isn’t actually running she is still sinking towards the bottom of the lake, and her lungs are burning, tight with panic, not air to fill them.
Then her head breaks the surface, and she feels the chill of air hit her wet skin.
All Ramona can think is that she needs to go, get away from the cottage, and Annie and the tape and her mum.
As she swims the sun begins its decent slowing falling below the waters surface plunging Ramona into darkness. She can’t really see where she is going but her arms keep pushing like they are being controlled by a source outside her body.
After what feels like both an eternity and no time at all Ramona finds herself at a dock. Ramona's hands hit the dock hard sending a shooting pain up her arm. Needles prickle stinging her skin as she pulls herself up out of the water.
Ramona's body buzzes as she stands in the middle of the dock, blinking trying to get her eyes to focus on her surroundings.
The blur of pink and yellow lights let her know she he is at the marina. Oona’s boat wades on the edge of the water. The lights are mesmerising, hypnotising Ramona calling her forward.
The dock creaks as she paces forward moving fast towards Oona’s boat. A blanket of warms envelops her as Ramona walks down the steps entering the inside of the boat.
The smell of cinnamon candles and cigarettes sends a wave of comfort through her pushing the buzzing out.
Suddenly Ramona feels cold. She becomes all at once aware of her wet hair and cloths sticking to her and the chattering of her teeth.
Then Ramona sees Oona, the girl is already moving towards her confusing and panic swimming across her face.
“Ramona woah what happened?” Oona asks walking over to her. Oona’s room is cosy, dressed in warm lights. Oona herself is wearing a big grey hoodie with sweatpants. She looks warm and comfortable and not worried.
Ramona instantly feels guilty, but she can’t get any words past her chattering teeth to apologise.
“Why are you soaking wet?”
“Did you swim here?” Oona’s questions feel never ending even though Ramona’s pretty sure she only asked three. Ramona just stands in front of her dumbly water spilling off her all over Oona’s floor.
Tripping over her words Ramona mumbles out a pathetic ‘kind’ as way to respond to all of Oona’s questions.
Oona’s eyes go wide for a moment then her face falls and Ramona wishes she never came here because she didn’t want sympathy and she sure didn’t want to feel this pathetic she just wanted to forget everything and hang out with her best friend like they used to before Ramona’s life went to complete shit.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Ramona is already shaking her head before Oona gets the rest of her question out. Ramona wants to run again but she literally has nowhere left to go, and her body feels like led.
Ramona feels if she moves her ligaments will begin to snap one by one. All she can do is shake her head and hope Oona understands.
“Okay…” Oona caves and immediately reaches out finally closing the distance between them pulling the hem of Ramona's shirt, “so let’s get you out of these clothes.” Ramona shakes her head furiously trying to turn away from Oona, putting her back to the girl before she pulls the shirt over her head.
Ramona hears Oona moving around behind her presumably digging through her draws.
Ramona’s skin feels bare and icy despite the warmth of the room. Somehow a fluffy towel finds its way around her shoulders, as she shimmies her shorts off. Oona takes her top and shorts, and Ramona hears her move out towards the deck leaving Ramona alone shivering feeling stupid.
The buzzing makes itself known again and grows louder and louder until Ramona feels it spread across her body. Ramona’s teeth are still chattering and now her body is shaking, shivers running across her skin, she feels like she could collapse at any moment.
Then strong arms find their way around shoulders, hands coming to rest firm against her chest.
Ramona’s skin feels alight under the towel, and she desperately wants to run again but Oona presses herself further into Ramona, resting her head by Ramona’s shoulder, enveloping her in the embrace.
Ramona feels Oona’s chest rise and fall steadily against her back, she hadn’t noticed how erratic her own breathing had been until now.
The two stand there like that for a while in silence letting Ramona's breathing return to normal and her teeth to stop chattering. After a while Oona begins to whisper something in her ear, Ramona can’t get her brain to comprehend it but the buzzing under her skin begins to settle.
The warmth against her neck becomes fleeting and then a cold draft settles there. Oona’s face comes into view, but Ramona can’t meet her gaze.
“Do you want to dry your hair?” Oona asks voice soft a sad smile playing on her lips. “It’s still dripping.”
Ramona nods pathetically whispering a ‘thank you’ she hopes Oona hears.
Oona’s hand settles on Ramona's back as she guides her to sit on the bed. The Oona is gone again.
Ramona closes her eyes feeling the soothing rocking on the boat. Ramona has always loved visiting Oona at her boat house; she loves the rocking of the boat and the comfort it brings her. It feels like an extension of Oona.
A warm breeze settles over Ramona making her shiver. Then a hand comes up racking gentle fingers through her hair. The feeling is so nice Ramona feels herself sinking into it.
“Listen ‘mona I’ve missed you a lot too but next time bring a boat with you to get her yeah?” Oona says voice light, Ramona opens her eyes taking in Oona’s words then nods lightly.
They stay silent for a while letting the white noise of the hair dryer fill the space. Ramona's wishes she could stay in this moment forever, the comfort of the boat, Oona’s fingers gently combing her hair, the warmth of the dryer, its perfect.
Then the noise of the hair dryer shuts off. Instantly Ramona becomes away of the fact that she is sitting naked in just a towel to cover her. Oona’s hand comes to rest under Ramona’s chin tapping it up, forcing Ramona to finally meet her gaze.
“I’ll miss you heaps if you die of hypothermia.” Oona lets out a breath of laughter but the look she gives Ramona tells her she isn’t really joking. A jolt of annoyance shoots through Ramona because who is Oona to tell her what to do and to pretend she cares what happens to Ramona.
Oona’s brow furrows but she holds Ramona’s stare dragging her thumb lightly over Ramona’s cheek. As she does Ramona feels her cheeks warm and her annoyance dissipate into shame.
Ramona looks away first, “Okay.” she caves.
Oona seems to take that because she pulls her hand away and moves back towards her draws before she throws some clothes at Ramona.
“Put those on before your lips become even more blue.”
Ramona looks down at the clothes in her lap; checked grey socks, boxer shorts and an oversized baseball jersey, its so Oona it makes Ramona's stomach swim.
“Hurry up don’t be shy.” Oona’s a smirk spreading over her face. Ramona flushes hard and her heart jumps into her throat.
“Turn around then you perv…” She attempts to joke, clearly it lands because Oona lets out a bark like laugh before turning her back to Ramona.
First Ramona pulls the shirt over her head, then lets the towel fall around her hip. The shirt smells exactly like Oona lavender and cinnamon and cigarettes. Ramona has to physically stop herself from taking a deep breath. What is wrong with her.
“Please baby it’s not like I haven’t see you in your underwear before.” Oona jokes her voice laced with teasing and British accent think.
All Ramona can do is choke out as she pulls on the shorts and soft socks. “O-okay you can turn around idiot.”
“Wow ‘mona you look great in my clothes sweetheart.” Oona smiles playfully and she walks over to Ramona.
No matter how long Ramona knows Oona she doesn’t think she will ever get used to Oona’s naturally overly flirtatious personality.
Though who is she to complain as Oona slips beside her on the bed resting back against the pillows pulling Ramona along with her. Only half an hour ago Ramona had felt like her world was literally ending and her existence was a mistake.
Now, in the comfort of Oona’s bed bodies pressed close together Ramona feels like she might be able to get through anything.
“Wanna tell me what happened now?” Oona broaches the topic Ramona knew she wouldn’t drop.
Ramona lets the silence consume them for a moment as Ramona pressed up onto her elbow to look down at Ramona.
It feels like Oona is evaluating her, reading Ramona’s thoughts and picking her apart.
Then Oona’s fingers find themselves twisting around the ends of Ramona's hair grounding her pulling her back to their moment together.
So, Ramona tells Oona all about the tape. Ramona tells Oona that she had told Annie to get rid of the box of what she had described to Annie as junk but instead of course Anni had kept.
Ramona doesn’t tell Oona that she feels jealous that Annie found the tape and played it first or that she feels jealous that Annie actually got to hear their mothers voice in real life and can seem to remember and recognise it.
Ramona does tell Oona that she felt they weren’t supposed to listen to the tape, that she thinks it was abandoned for a reason, a memory private for her mum, not anyone else.
Obviously, Oona disagrees with this and immediately voices as such. Ramona shifts over resting her arm on Oona’s knee attempting to joke about the rest of the stuff Gordon hoarded to move away from the heavy topic.
Oona doesn’t let them move on though. “I know you don’t always believe in this kind of stuff, but sometimes I think the universe is smacking you over your dumb pretty head.” Oona reaches over grabbing Ramona’s cheeks and shaking her head.
For as long as she can remember Oona has always been someone who believes in something; Taro cards, zodiac signs, the universe, the care of others. To Ramona Oona seems to have an endless stream of hope and optimism.
Sometimes Ramona feels selfish like she is sucking the joy out of Oona with her cynicism.
Oona keeps shaking her until Ramona lets out a laugh despite herself. “I feel like everyone can see them except you.” Oona goes on.
Ramona pauses and looks at Oona giving her a caustic stare. “I can see the secret sister.” She deadpans.
“She won’t leave me alone.” Ramona whispers feeling sadness wash over her again.
The bed dips beside her as Oona lays back next to her.
For a moment, they both just stare up at the ceiling feeling the boar rock them gently. Then Oona quietly breaks the silence, “Yeah, no I think there might be something special that comes out of that too.”
The way she says it is so sincere that Ramona can’t even begin to think up a sarcastic dismissing reply. Instead, the two of them just stare at each other for a beat the air feeling heavy on Ramona’s chest.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Ramona caves.
“I’m really glad you came over.” Oona says while turning on her side to face Ramona. There is a smile in her voice when she speaks, and Ramona feels the mood shift to Oona’s normal light and fun atmosphere. “I’ve missed having alone time with you.” Oona continues a suggestiveness to her tone that Ramona finds she has missed.
“Yeah.” Ramona feels herself choke out her words. “Me too.” She can’t help them smile that pulls at her lips or the warmth that spreads across her chest when Oona becomes serious once more checking that Ramona does now feel better.
Once Ramona confirms she does, Oona reaches back behind herself and switches the light off before settling back beside Ramona. Oona shuffles closer resting her head against Ramona’s shoulder.
Ramona feels Oona’s breath tickle against shoulder sending a spark down her arm. “I love you.” Oona whispers into the dark.
The three words cause her heat to stop and body to flush cold again. Oona has said those words to Ramona a thousand times before but for some reason this time Ramona's mind spins and her body tenses.
Something inside her feels different around Oona since she has been back in Sterling Point. At first Ramona had just put it down to awkwardness after not seeing Oona for over a year but now Ramona isn’t so sure. She doesn’t feel awkward around Oona she actually feels more comfortable than she ever has before with the girl tucked beside her.
Pushing the daunting thought aside to deal with later Ramona tilts her head down to rest against Oona’s head letting the gentle rocking of the boats ease her into the first restful sleep she has had in over a year.