Chapter Text
Sometimes, when your eyes meet, she flashes this smile that turns your insides into a pit of writhing snakes. And your cheeks get hot, and your feet start to kick; your heart swells like a balloon. But even as nerves overtake you, you vibrate with excitement, bask in confidence you never knew you had. Maybe Mom’s right, and you really are a catch. You’re starting to think so: every time you look in the mirror, you see how much you’ve blossomed.
And then there’s the way she always brightens while you’re around, or how whenever you two talk, you always find some new way to make her laugh. You’d never really seen yourself as particularly charming, but maybe you are. You catch her staring at you sometimes, the same way you do at her. That certainly helps.
Her name is Amber, and you can't get her out of your head, not that you'd want to. She's so great, the prettiest girl you've ever seen. Everything from her voice, to the way she carries herself, to her sense of style captivates you. Nearly every day she has some new look to show off; impressing her is half the reason you’ve been going to Jade for fashion advice.
She’s tall, charismatic, popular, athletic: she has great hair. And she’s confident, too, with her stupid, pretty, sly, heart-attack inducing smile. There's this way she greets you when you pass her in the hall. She’ll be standing around, chatting with friends, and as you pass by, her head won’t move, but her eyes will dart up to meet yours. Then she’ll give that smile, and raise her eyebrows. “Hey Mel,” she’ll say, friendly, and clearly happy to see you, but casual, collected.
Jade calls her suave, and a flirt. She’s right—probably anyway, you can’t tell for sure if she’s really flirting with you—but that’s hardly all you care about. Amber is kind. She’s easy to talk to. She makes you laugh. Basically, she's the coolest girl you've ever seen, and you treasure every conversation with her. You haven’t had all that many, though. She’s new-ish, transferred to your class at the beginning of the year.
The idea of love at first sight is so cliche, so tacky; your heart never got the memo. She sits behind you in literature class; one day, when she needed a pen, you let her borrow one of yours.
She tapped you on the shoulder, and in that cool, gentle voice said. “You got a pen, Mel? Mine’s a dud.”
And you smiled to yourself, opened up your tidy little pen case--it’s colored a rich violet, like your favorite flowers—and from the neat little row of pens, all different shapes, sizes, and fun designs, you selected your favorite. There's no way Amber could have known; it felt special all the same. When she tried to give it back, you told her she could keep it. You haven't seen her use any other since.
And it's stupid, because there's a hundred other little reasons, signs, hints she might share your feelings: whenever you get the chance to talk, she acts all cool—it works, of course—but she’s giving you her full attention, no matter who else is around. In science class, Amber sits between you and her best friend, but whenever it's time to partner up for something she asks you.
“Hey Mel, you’re smart,” she’ll say and give you that stupid, pretty grin of hers, “wanna help me out?”
She compliments you a lot: your hair, your style, your lashes. Whenever there’s something she likes about your outfit, she somehow always picks the things you like best, that you're most excited to show off. She sees you, gets you.
Sometimes, when a class you share ends, Amber will linger near the door. She’ll lean against the wall and talk with one of her friends, or pretend to have a question for the teacher. She’ll keep herself occupied with one thing or another, right up to the moment you finish packing your things. As you head toward the door, wouldn't you know it, that exact moment is when she finishes whatever she is doing, and the two of you are walking together. Maybe she's aware how unsubtle she's being. Maybe not. It could be all in your head, you could be seeing signs only because you want to.
That's the problem. There are so many little things, but it’s only ever little things. You asked Mom once: what does She think? If a girl wants one of your flower buds, in exchange for one of hers, does that mean she likes you?
She gave you one of those Mom looks, and said of course that's what it means. Then She asked if you’d met someone. She always takes interest in your life, but this time was different; there was a certain intensity to her gaze; she was looking through you, not at you. You deflected, because for whatever reason you get bashful around Mom whenever that sort of thing comes up. But that’s irrelevant, what matters is Amber must like you back, according to Mom. It’s still scary, not knowing for certain. But what’s life without a little risk?
The school day has ended. Amber is at her locker, chatting with friends before she heads home. The sight of her alone is enough to trap a strangled breath in your throat. You don’t have to do this. It could be some other time, if you aren’t ready. Then her friends disperse, and your feet are propelling you forward. What are you doing? Each footfall sends shockwaves of giddy, nervous energy all up and down your body. They tingle on your skin and spur your heartrate to a panicked gallop. Why can’t you stop?
It's too late. Amber turns to face you; her smile could show up the sun. “Oh, hey Mel! What's up?” Her tone is warm and friendly, but she’s relaxed, collected, self-assured. She oozes confidence in ways you’ve never understood. Why should you be nervous, though? Look how excited she is to see you. Her eyes, a lovely cyan, shimmer as you feel her focus narrow to you and you alone.
By some miracle, you manage to mirror her energy. “Hey Amber,” you drawl. A lopsided grin crosses your face. “Not so much, you?” Even as nerves nibble ‘round the edges of every thought, the words just slip out: cool and casual. You never get used to just how easy she is to talk to.
“I'm doing alright.” Amber says, she brushes a lock of hair from her face, fingers gliding down to the tips. “Oh, by the way, I really liked what you had to say in Lit today. Super interesting."
You blush, forcing a giggle while your insides glow with joy. “Thanks, I just really like reading stuff from the early stellar period. I think it's really cool to see how the times were changing so much so fast, and how that gets reflected through art and uh—” you stop yourself before going off the deep end into a wild tangent.
She gives an expectant look, she really does want to hear what you have to say. That shouldn't come as a surprise, she's always been interested in whatever you have to say. It's nice all the same. “And what?”
“Uh, nothing. Maybe another time,” you say.
The two of you stand for a moment, each searching for something to hold onto through the awkwardness of expectation sans any clear path forward.
Amber finds her footing first. “So, did you just wanna say hi or?” she giggles a little, touching her hair again.
You join in, laughing off the tension best you can. “Well, yeah!” You answer brightly, then trail off. “But um, there is something else.”
“Oh?” her tone is cool and collected, even aloof. But she can't hide that twinkle in her eye. “Well what is it?”
The big moment is here: where the nerves take an egg beater to your language center, and your throat swells shut and your tongue turns to taffy, leaving you a blathering mess of half formed words. How is anyone ever meant to do this?
You feel yourself slipping, falling into yourself. There's a rush of excitement and just the right amount of fear to keep things interesting. The feelings bubble up like a fresh opened bottle of cola, and they take you with them to someplace outside yourself and behind yourself, or maybe deep within. There, awash in these feelings, the words just slip out.
“Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime? On a date, I mean.” You can hardly believe what you're hearing, half convinced someone else was speaking. But no, those were your words in your voice.
A half moment passed, two or three beats of your hammering heart. It feels so much longer. Still, somehow you already know her answer.
Her smile shatters the tension. It rains down on you, shards sharp and tingly. “I think I'd like that very much.”
You can barely contain yourself; the next few minutes pass in a daze. Somehow, you manage to keep your cool. You leave school with two equally important pieces of information: you're both free Friday evening, and she thinks this skirt makes your butt look cute.
You’re brimming with excitement, practically skipping home. You actually did it. It was scary and it was risky but somehow it all felt so natural. And you have a date, a for real date. Soon you might have a girlfriend even.
Jade is waiting for you outside, an expectant look on her face. She takes one look at you, and breaks into an excited grin. “Did you ask her?” she asks hopefully.
Bounding up to her, you take her hands in yours and nod. “I did!” You reply. “And she said yes! We’re meeting Friday!"
“That’s fantastic,” she squeals. “You have to let me help you pick an outfit. I have some saved on the compiler that I thought you’d look hot in. What are you two gonna do?”
“Uhh,” you pause, giggling nervously. “We actually didn’t talk about that.”
She rolls her eyes at you, flashing a teasing grin as she flicks you on the back of the head. “You’re hopeless. You gotta talk about these things.”
“Well, we’ll figure it out,” you pout.
Jade shakes her head. “You’re gonna spend all day tomorrow hiding from her aren’t you?”
“Am not!” You insist. “That was only like, the first few weeks that I’d do that. I can talk to her just fine, I mean, I asked her out, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, well I’m just saying, I’m not gonna go looking for you in the bathroom at lunch again,” she says.
“That was one time!” She’ll never let you live that down, will she?
The rest of your walk home is uneventful. Jade teases relentlessly, because of course she does. But nothing can put a damper on your mood today. You asked Amber out, and she said yes. You’re not sure it’s really set in yet. Every few minutes you remember, and have to fight giggles.
It isn't long before the familiar sight of your hab comes into view. You bid goodbye to Jade; first a brief hug, the two of you separate, then part ways.
The front door slides open as you approach, welcoming you inside. “Mom, I’m home! ” You call. You can’t wait to tell her. She doesn’t answer at first, but just as you’re wondering if She’s gone out, you hear the back door open.
“Hey sweetie!” She calls from down the hall. Her voice is so kind, melodic, full of love. Just hearing it fills you with warm, fuzzy feelings. You’re home. Where you belong.
You skip into the kitchen, and She’s waiting for you, smiling, already pouring tea for the both of you. “Hey Mom!” You chirp, gazing up at her. She’s so beautiful, no wonder Amber said yes to a date with you, considering who you take after. “Were you out in the garden?”
“Sure was,” She replies. “The blueberry bushes are coming along great. We should have tons this year.” She settles into her chair at the kitchen table, and slides you your tea. “How was school?”
The question alone is enough to bring a giddy smile to your face. Bashful, you look down at your wiggling toes. “It uhm—it was really good.”
“Oh?” Her interest is piqued immediately. “Tell me about it.” She takes your hand in a vine, and guides you into your chair.
“Well, there’s this girl I like in my class,” Her attention sharpens; you can feel it. For whatever reason, that has you even more bashful. “And uh, I asked her out after school today, and she said yes.”
For a moment, you sit in silence, feeling her loving, protective eyes on you. And just as it starts to feel strange, how long she’s taking to say something, she speaks. “Oh, sweetheart,” she beams. “That’s so wonderful.” She squeezes your hand. “Tell me about her, what’s she like?”
Her unblinking gaze covers you like a blanket, or a hug. Again, you begin to feel bashful, you’ve had a hard time keeping eye contact with Her of late. You get all fluttery. Good fluttery, happy fluttery. You’ve lived your whole life under that gaze, grown so much. Her pride warms your skin. She loves you so much, it’s hard not to let that sense of comfort and belonging overtake you. Fidgeting in place, you trace little patterns along the kitchen table, and answer. “She’s really great, Mom. Her name is Amber, and she’s pretty, and she’s kind, and she’s way cooler than me,” you giggle.
“Well I doubt that last part very much,” Mom says. “I know girls your age don’t think their Mothers know a thing about being cool, but I think I have a very cool daughter.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll be sure to tell her my Mom thinks I’m cooler than her,” you tease. “Anyway, she’s great. We’re seeing each other Friday. If… if that’s okay?”
Mom scoffs. “Okay? Of course it’s okay honey. This is wonderful. And I’ll do my best to not be too nosey. I trust your judgement, but be responsible, and be safe. You know, safe safe.”
Your cheeks glow red. “Mooom,” you whine. “I’m not gonna—we just—I’m not—we haven’t even held hands yet.”
“Hey, don’t blame me. I know what girls your age get up to. I was young too, once. You think I didn’t have my share of—”
“No, Mom, please. No details. I get it. I get it.” You cover your ears, blushing. There’s a warm, squirmy feeling in your belly. It’s because of how weird and uncomfortable it is to think about Mom that way. As in, thinking about her doing that sort of thing. Not literally thinking about her that way. Of course you wouldn’t do that.
A vine curls around your wrist, gently tugging your hands away. “Okay, sweetheart. I won’t tell you about my escapades. But if you ever do want to learn a thing or two, let me know.”
“What? Ugh, Gross! Mom, come on! You’re just trying to torture me at this point.” You shift and squirm in your chair, crossing your legs tight and chewing your lip.
She smiles at you in that way that feels like home. “Forgive me, Mellybelly. It is a Mother’s duty to embarrass her daughter a little. And to be a little protective about this sort of thing.”
You return her smile with one of your own. “I know,” you answer. “Thanks, Mom.”
The remainder of your day passes uneventfully. All you can think about is how excited you are to see Amber tomorrow. At morning break, you pass her in the hallway. She smiles at you, and you blush, giving her a little wave. As you pass by, Amber’s hand darts out to catch you by the wrist, and pull you in close. Gosh, she’s so pretty, and tall, and those piercing eyes of hers staring down at you, you can hardly—
“Hey Mel?” She calls, chuckling to herself. “You alright?”
You take a deep breath. It’s okay. How can it not be? The prettiest girl in school wants to hold hands with you. “Yeah,” you giggle. “Yeah sorry, I just uh, I guess I wasn’t ready for that.” You still aren’t; you’re vibrating just thinking about it. “What’s up, did you just wanna say hi?”
“I did,” she answers in a teasing, singsong voice. She reaches out to brush a lock of hair from your face. It feels right. “But, I was thinking. I could use some help studying. And, y’know, you’re smart. Would you be up for a study session after school?”
“Oh, yeah!” You’re not sure how much studying you’ll get done with Amber beside you, but that’s another matter.
“Perfect,” Amber beams. “I'll meet you in the library?”
Nerves and excitement entwine in your gut. “That should be okay,” you reply.
“Cool,” she says, tapping your nose. “I’ll see you then. And, this doesn’t count as our date, to be clear. We’re still on for Friday.”
You nod, tight lipped, barely containing yourself. She bids you farewell. You manage to keep in it until you round the corner. Then you’re full on sprinting to find Jade and scream at her in excitement. School’s going to take forever today, isn’t it?