Archive of Our Own

It was late, the setting sun painting the sky in vibrant hues of purple and orange. A cool breeze ruffled the grass on deck and filled the sails. Zoro and Brook walked out of the men’s quarters, wishing the others a good night. Brook headed up to the helm while Zoro started towards the crow’s nest, ready to get a workout in while on night watch. Before he could start climbing up Nami stopped him on her way back from the bath with Robin.

“Hey, Zoro, I need a little help real quick. Robin and I weren’t able to stop by a shop the last time we docked,” she explained, voice too sweet.

“And why should I care, witch?” Zoro gruffed.

“Because, idiot, I need you to help a girl out. If you do, I’ll take a bit off your debt,” she smiled but her voice was tight with an unspoken threat should he refuse.

“Why didn’t you just come right out with it then. I’ll be right back.”

Zoro headed back to the men’s room and to his locker. As he put in his combination he could feel a glare on the back of his head. He ignored it for a moment as he dug in a bag at the bottom of his locker.

“Got a problem, Curls?” Zoro grunted as he stood, small box in hand.

“Why are you back in here? Forget something like you always forget where you are?” Sanji growled. 

Zoro rolled his eyes and slammed his locker. Usopp jumped, turning to stare at the noise. “Can you be quiet?” he complained. “I was almost asleep.”

“Sorry, I’m just leaving,” Zoro huffed.

But Sanji was up, following behind Zoro like he was looking for a reason to fight. Zoro smirked, knowing that ignoring the cook was just pissing him off more. Nami was waiting by the stairs to the girls’ quarters. Her face lit up as Zoro handed over the discrete box.

“Thanks Zoro! I’ll take off 1,000, ‘kay?” she said through a grin.

“Yeah, whatever. Just make sure you get extra next time so this doesn’t happen again.”

“Don’t talk to Nami like that!” Sanji huffed, lashing out with a kick square to Zoro’s head, knocking him back a few steps. “Especially when she’s being so generous. What’s in the box anyway?”

“None of your business, cook,” Zoro replied, pulling Wado from its sheath.

“Hey, not tonight!” Nami chastised. “I’m tired and not in the mood to listen to you two fight. I’m going to bed, and I recommend that you do the same Sanji.”

“Of course Nami, my sweet. Sorry for keeping you up. Have a lovely night,” Sanji cooed and waved as Nami headed off to bed. By the time he turned around Zoro had already left too, halfway up to the crow’s nest. Sanji glared for a second longer before going back to bed. He had to be up earlier to start breakfast anyways.

A few days passed before they landed at a new island. The town on the side of the island they landed on seemed peaceful enough. A quick trip into town for a resupply would be reasonable if not for Luffy’s habit of discovering a conspiracy by complete accident. While it was true that the small port town they had landed in was calm and quiet, the larger city on the other side of the island was up to some shady stuff that made life for the townsfolk harder.

After the usual shenanigans the crew, as was becoming tradition, threw a giant feast for the town. Sanji had a group of volunteers following his every order in the makeshift kitchen that had been set up in the town square. Meanwhile, Nami was happily going through donations of trade goods the town had offered. Luffy and Brook were entertaining while Franky and Usopp helped to repair some of the damage that was caused during the fighting. Chopper and Jimbe were looking after anyone that had been injured. 

Zoro took a big gulp of sake as Robin sat down across from him. They chatted for a bit, watching the crew enjoy the festivities. Everyone seemed to be in such a good mood. Robin slid a box across the table to him, neither needing to acknowledge what was inside. Zoro took it and tucked it away.

“Nami said that she’s going to buy more tomorrow after she finishes going through what all was so graciously gifted to us and makes a new shopping list with Sanji. Are you going to be up for hauling the cart tomorrow or shall I ask Franky?” Robin spoke, eyeing Zoro knowingly. 

“I can handle it,” Zoro huffed. He thought he was hiding his discomfort well but Robin could always read people well.

“I wasn’t implying that you couldn’t. I just wanted to know if you would prefer to have an extra long nap tomorrow.”

Sanji saw Robin sit down with Zoro. Nothing unusual about that, but then he saw it, Robin handing over the same kind of plain packaged box that Zoro had given Nami a few nights prior. Sanji felt his curiosity grow. He filled a couple of plates with food so as to have an excuse to go over. He noticed when Zoro’s muscles tightened slightly, the way they did whenever he got defensive. Then he heard Robin’s voice soothing him.

“Must be nice being offered to nap all day,” Sanji remarked as he set the plates down. “You don’t need to be so nice to him, Robin dear. He’ll get over whatever made his bristle like a stray cat.”

Zoro rolled his eyes, but pulled one of the plates closer to him. He would never turn down Sanji’s cooking, no matter how much the cook got on his nerves. He tuned out to the rest of the conversation, happy to have a good meal and a bottle of sake to ease his pains. 

“Cook-san, it really is no trouble to let our swordsman sleep during the day. He does an excellent job guarding us while we sleep, does he not?” Robin said in that voice that was gentle and guiding. 

“I guess,” Sanji conceited. “As long as Franky is willing to do the hauling tomorrow mosshead here can do whatever he pleases then.”

“The food looks great, Sanji. Thank you.”

Zoro headed back to the ship early the next morning. Most of the others were either too tired or too drunk to head back with him. When he got there he realized that Jimbe had already returned, likely at some point the  night before. Zoro nodded to him as he went towards the bath. He intended to take a shower before anyone else returned.

“Good morning Zoro,” Jimbe greeted. “Are you feeling well this morning?”

“I’m fine Jimbe,” Zoro muttered. 

“I didn’t see you talk to Chopper at all last night,” Jimbe hinted, voice layered with a bit of concern. At first Zoro was confused, he had not been injured at all in the fight. But then he remembered that Jimbe, thanks to being a shark fishman, had the uncanny ability to smell blood. Zoro shifted on his feet.

“It’s nothing serious. Chopper was busy with the townspeople last night. I can handle myself,” Zoro deflected. Before Jimbe could worry more, he added, “I’ll talk to him when he gets back to the ship.”

Jimbe nodded, seemingly satisfied and let Zoro get on with his morning. It didn’t take long before the crew started to filter back. By the time Zoro had gotten cleaned up, comfortable, and put his belongings away he could smell Sanji’s cooking in the kitchen. The same scents of spices that had been so comforting the night before now filled Zoro with a wave of nausea. He sat out on the deck of the Sunny, trying to meditate but more so willing the feeling to go away before Sanji could call everyone in for a hangover breakfast that was sure to make his stomach turn against his will.

Zoro was the last to arrive at the table, sitting down with a thud. At least the light above the table wasn’t quite as bright as the morning sun glaring at him. Maybe the growing migraine would ease in the lower light but it was unlikely given the noise level of the room with nine other people chatting away, conversations overlapping. Zoro poked at his food with his fork, face scrunching despite his best efforts when a deep pain twisted in him, radiating pain in his hips and lower back.

“Is my cooking not to your liking, marimo?” Sanji spat, mistaking Zoro’s face for one of disgust.

“Despite what you might think, curly, not everything is about you,” Zoro hissed back. “Your insecurity is showing.” It was toeing the line of a low blow, the implication hanging in the air. The rest of the crew had quieted, waiting to see if Zoro was going to say worse. But even he wouldn’t cross that line. Sanji still felt it though, the expression of rage on his face clear. Sanji turned fully to Zoro, a gleam in his eye.

“You’re right,” Sanji started, much to Zoro’s surprise. “Let’s talk about you for a minute.” Before Zoro could question what he meant, Sanji was slamming a box on the table. Zoro’s heart stopped.

“You snooped in my locker?!” He tried to yell but the words got caught.

“Sanji!” Nami screamed from down the table but it was too late. Sanji was opening the box. He was opening it in front of everyone and all Zoro could handle doing in that moment was leave. Zoro made it to the galley doors just as the contents of the box spilled out. He couldn’t take what might be said about him now, racing out as fast as he could.

Sanji stared in confusion at the individually wrapped little pink products that tipped out of the box and then at the galley doors as the fluttered closed. Nami and Luffy were staring at Sanji like they didn’t recognize him while Chopper and Robin just looked disappointed. Luffy stood, hat obscuring his eyes. He stalked across the room in dead silence to grab Sanji by the arm.

“You had no right to do that.” Luffy’s voice was like ice and Sanji knew that he fucked up. “Nami, go make sure Zoro is okay,” Luffy commanded, not breaking eye contact with Sanji as he spoke. Sanji audibly gulped as Nami cast one final pained look at him before running after the swordsman. 

Robin pulled the box from Sanji’s hands, picking up the hygiene products and putting them away. No one else would look at him but Luffy, although Luffy’s glare wasn’t any better. Luffy’s grip tightened a bit as he hauled Sanji up and out of the galley. Sanji looked back in bewilderment as the door closed behind him. 

When Luffy finally let go they were in the library. Sanji rubbed at his arm where Luffy had grabbed him. Luffy still seemed to be fuming as he turned to look at Sanji again. Sanji sat down, hands up in a surrender pose.

“Listen captain,” he said, deciding to be a bit more formal in his predicament. “I didn’t know that he would get so upset.”

“Of course he’s upset!” Luffy scolded. “You just outed him to the whole crew, Sanji!” Luffy looked determined to put Sanji in his place and that made him nervous.

“What do you mean I…” Sanji trailed off. His eyes widened in shock as his brain connected the dots. He had meant to embarrass the swordsman with the knowledge that he held onto products for the girls in case of an emergency like the other night. The gravity of the situation hit him all at once. “He’s… you mean he’s…?”

“Yes Sanji! Zoro’s trans and you just outed him to the rest of the crew,” Luffy seemed to be calming but Sanji knew he wasn’t out of the woods yet. “Was it worth it? Was it worth getting one up on him? Does it feel good to win one of your squabbles like this? What if he decides to leave because of this? Will all this be worth it for you?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t think!” Sanji jolted up and started pacing. “I fucked up.”

“Yes, you did.” Luffy crossed his arms, letting out a sigh. “And I can’t even tell you to go make it right because I know Zoro doesn’t want to see you right now. You know, when I heard that you had been training with Iva I thought you’d learn something, Sanji. I thought Iva and her friends would have taught you about treating everyone the same.” It was Luffy’s turn to sit. He shook his head, trying to think of how to deal with the rough situation the crew was now in. Sanji was still pacing when a knock sounded from the door.

Nami found Zoro right before he was about to leave the dock. It was clear from the way he refused to look at her that he was crying. She wrapped her arms around him as best she could, begging him to get back on the ship.

“I can’t. Nami, I can’t!” he wailed.

“I’m sorry Zoro. I wish I would have stopped him. I never thought he’d go this far.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

Zoro tried to pull away but Nami held tight. She couldn’t let him leave in the state he was in. But Zoro was stronger and pried her off. She scrambled for an idea as he started to leave again.

“Let’s go call Perona!” she settled on. Zoro turned back to look at her. “Let’s go get the transponder snail and call Perona to come get you. You can go with her for a few days and come back when you feel up to it. And we’ll know you’re safe and we can call each other. Okay? Please?” Zoro could hear the desperation in Nami’s voice, could see the fear and anguish on her face should she lose him.

“Okay, yeah. Let’s go call Perona,” he agreed, wiping his face with his sleeve. It would be good to see her again anyways. He let Nami lead him back onto the ship and into the girls’ quarters. He sat on her bed while she fetched the snail from the galley. They called together and Zoro let Nami explain to Perona why he needed a break. He could hear the indignant anger in her voice as she promised to be in port by the end of the day before hollering for Mihawk to ask for a boat. 

“Go ahead and get your things around. I’m going to go let Luffy know what’s going on,” Nami comforted. Zoro just nodded as she got up to go talk to the captain. 

Nami looked around the ship a bit before hearing Luffy and Sanji in the library. She knocked on the door.

“Luffy,” she called. Luffy opened the door to let her in. “Zoro’s going to go stay with Perona and Mihawk for a bit. At least until this is all taken care of.”

Luffy nodded and gave Nami a hug. “It’ll be okay. You did great, Nami.” As those words left Luffy’s mouth Nami finally let herself feel it.

“I almost couldn’t get him to come back,” she sobbed. She buried her face in Luffy’s shirt and held tight. “I was so scared we were going to lose him.”

“I know. But you got him. He’s only going to be gone for a little while,” Luffy ran his hand through her hair. “He’s not leaving us, Nami. Zoro’ll come back. We were apart for two years. We can handle this too. I bet it won’t be that long. And then he’ll be back and it’ll be like he never left.”

Sanji stood there awkwardly, knowing that he had caused more than just Zoro pain. At the very least Luffy and Nami were now suffering because of his mistake, too. He could feel his chest tightening, that voice in the back of his head getting louder. He needed a smoke, but as he patted down his pockets he remembered that he had smoked his last cigarette this morning. The panic was rising and so were the words that he couldn’t hold back without his fix.

“I should be the one leaving,” he blurted. “I’m the one that destroyed everything, not him. I…I should just go. Tell him I’ll leave. Please, tell him I’m sorry. That I’m an idiot.” His skin felt too tight and he couldn’t tell if he was breathing or not. “Send me back to Ivankov. Send me back to the Baratie. I don’t care. Tell him to stay.”

“It’s too late now!” Nami snapped. “You can’t undo this, Sanji!”

“I know that,” Sanji whispered, hands tugging at his blond locks. Tears filled his eyes but he refused to let them fall since he didn’t feel as though he deserved to cry right now. He looked up at Luffy, silently begging his captain to do something to fix things like he always did.

“I think,” Luffy started, his gaze softening but still determined, “You should spend a little more one on one training with Iva. I know that you don’t like to talk about your time in Kamabakka Queendom and that it was uncomfortable for you. But I think Iva might be able to help you more right now, if you’re willing to actually listen. I’m not going to make you of course, because even though what you did was really shitty, I’m not going to make you go away.”

Sanji looked between Luffy and Nami. He felt a pit in his chest at the thought of actually going back there, of grappling with feelings inside himself that he wasn’t ready or willing to address. But he realized that something had to change; he had to change. So, despite the fear gripping his heart he nodded his head.

“How long?” he asked, barely able to force the question out. He blinked and felt the wetness drip down his cheek.

“Until Zoro comes back,” Luffy suggested. Sanji nodded in reluctant agreement. “Come on, Nami.” Luffy led Nami out of the library, leaving Sanji to stew in his uncomfortable emotions.

The rest of the crew waited in the galley with baited breath. When Nami had come in to retrieve the snail they had looked up at her expectantly but the distraught look on her face and speed with which she hurried back out didn’t leave them very hopeful. Robin and Chopper took a few moments to explain to Franky, Brook, Usopp, and Jimbe more about what had truly just gone down. 

“Nami and Luffy have known the whole time,” Chopper started. “And obviously I had to know. He disclosed it to me when I did everyone’s original physicals.”

“I wasn’t really meant to find out but it was inevitable. He came to confide in Nami so often that it was only a matter of time before I overheard,” Robin explained.

“Well,” Usopp leaned back in their seat, arms crossed. “I’m not upset that he’s trans. I just wish he would have trusted me enough to tell me. It’s his business though.”

“It is truly unfortunate that we had to find out this way,” Brook added.

“I still don’t think I fully understand. What does this trans thing mean?” Jimbe asked, confusion evident. 

“It means that our bro Zoro is so much stronger than we thought,” Franky hiccupped, tears slipping from behind his shades. “You see, Zoro’s mind and body didn’t align. His mind is a man but his body wasn’t born that way. It’s a hard thing to go through and a lot of people that do don’t go around telling everybody. It can kinda defeat the purpose of transitioning, you know?”

“Ah, I see. The negative situation aside, this is a very interesting topic.”

The conversation paused as Luffy and Nami returned. Nami sank down next to Robin, leaning against her shoulder. Luffy stayed standing, ready to address the crew. He took a deep breath and looked around at them.

“Both Zoro and Sanji are going to be away for a little while,” he informed. The crew looked at him with disbelieving stares. “Zoro’s going to go stay with ghost girl until he feels better. And Sanji is going to go learn some more from Iva, if she’s willing. We’ll stay here until they get back.”

“Are you sure about this Luffy?” Usopp asked carefully.

“It’s all I could think of to keep Zoro from running,” Nami restated. 

“And Sanji could really use a bit of time with Ivankov in a more neutral setting. From what I’ve heard of him, he’ll be able handle the situation in a way only she is uniquely qualified for,” Robin said.

“Chopper, can you go see if Zoro is done getting his things out of the men’s room so that Sanji can go get his?” Nami asked.

“Yeah. Sure thing.”

Another transponder snail call and an afternoon of awkwardness later two ships pulled up beside the Sunny in the port. 

“Hello Straw-boy!” came Ivankov’s boisterous greeting. 

Just as Ivankov was crossing over to the Sunny, Mihawk and Perona also were arriving. Perona floated straight past the gathered crew, looking for that telltale green.

“Zoro! We’re here, okay?” she called.

“Why hello Mihawk,” Ivankov said. “How’s Croco-boy doing? I heard that you two are closer than ever.”

“What are you doing here?” Mihawk droned, ignoring her question.

“Straw-boy told me that my pupil needed a bit more educating so I made some room in my schedule.”

Before much more could be said, Perona was on her way back over with Zoro in tow. The crew was wishing him well, making all kinds of promises of what they’d do together once he returned. Nami and Chopper both gave him long hugs and made him promise to come back.

“Are you ready to depart, Roronoa?” Mihawk asked, silently taking his luggage as the only sign of consideration.

“Yeah,” Zoro said, head hanging. Perona and Mihawk jumped down to their relatively smaller ship, designed for quick, personal travel. Zoro looked back once more and before he followed them his eyes locked with Sanji’s as the chef came out of the kitchen. They stared at each other, a moment full of unspoken pain before Sanji broke and jerked away, unable to take the depressed look in the swordsman’s eye that he was responsible for. And then Zoro was gone, jumping down to a place that felt safer.

“There you are!” Ivankov smiled. “We better get going too!”

“Yeah, just a second,” Sanji acknowledged. “I prepped a week’s worth of meals with the instructions on the containers. I can’t have you all going hungry while I’m gone.”

Sanji didn’t speak to anyone in particular, hands ringing in front of him, worn and tired from all the prep he did to distract himself. He didn’t look up, couldn’t meet their eyes as he hauled himself across the deck towards Ivankov’s ship.

“Sanji,” it was Luffy’s voice that rang out like a beacon of hope. “Come home soon, okay?”

“I will,” Sanji promised, the aching in his chest releasing a bit for the first time all day. “I’ll come back better.”

“Don’t worry Straw-boy. I’ll take good care of him!”

Sanji sat with Ivankov, suspensefully quiet in a tucked away corner of the ship. Ivankov sipped at his cup of tea, uncaring that Sanji was getting more jittery by the second. Eventually she set the cup down with a gentle clink. Her eyes dug into Sanji until he finally looked up.

“Tell me what happened,” Ivankov commanded.

“Didn’t Luffy already tell you?” Sanji asked.

“Of course he did but I want to hear it from you. What was going on that led you here.” She waited patiently, giving Sanji the time he needed to gather his thoughts.

“The other night,” he began, voice shaky. “Zoro came into the quarters as the rest of us were going to sleep and got a box out of his locker. I followed him and watched him give it to Nami. She seemed so happy and thankful to him, it made me angry.”

“Jealous?” Ivankov pressed.

“No! I would never be jealous of him!” Sanji deflected, face heating. “Anyways, I had put the incident out of my mind until last night. I saw Robin hand him the same kind of box. I was curious.”

“And?” she prompted, waiting for him to continue.

“I went through his locker this morning, while breakfast was cooking. I was only out of the kitchen for a moment. I didn’t want anyone to know until I confronted him myself. I didn’t have time to look in the box since I had to get back to the kitchen. I figured I’d wait until after breakfast. But…” he trailed off, looking down at his hands, picking at his nails. 

“Something happened?” Ivankov guessed.

“I thought Zoro was being petty, about my cooking. I didn’t know that he wasn’t feeling well. So I asked him if he thought my cooking wasn’t good enough. Which is kind of stupid in retrospect. He’s never said something like that before. He got angry, said that not everything was about me. He said… he said I was being insecure.” Sanji was mumbling at this point, shame coloring his face up to his ears.

“Weren’t you?” she commented blankly.

“I wasn’t!” Sanji jolted but Ivankov gave him a look and he retracted. He had committed to this whole self-improvement thing, the least he could do was be honest. “Maybe a bit. And I lost it. I felt like he was playing dirty so I figured that whatever was in the box would be embarrassing. Nothing too bad. I just wanted to get back at him, you know? I never in a million years would have expected it to be… those.”

“We’re not going to get anywhere if you can’t even say the word tampon.”

“Tampons,” he gritted out. “I didn’t think it would be tampons. And even when I saw them I didn’t realize that they could possibly be for him. Not until Luffy of all people had to spell it out for me like an idiot.” Sanji gulped at the memory. “A tiny part of me thought Luffy was going to throw me off the ship, he was so angry. He never would, that’s not the kind of captain he is. But if he did I wouldn’t blame him.”

“So you know what you did was wrong at least. That’s better than nothing. So, let’s talk about where you want to start. Should we deal with your insecurity, your anger issues, or your jealousy first? It all swings around to self-acceptance in the end so where we begin doesn’t really matter.”

“I’ve done plenty of self-acceptance, I wasn’t jealous, I don’t have anger issues, and I’m not that insecure,” Sanji rebutted. 

“We can do this the easy way or the hard way, you’re choice.”

Ivankov stood, hovering over Sanji and daring him to try any more denial tactics. Sanji sighed and resolved himself to the reality of his aggressive therapy treatment plan. 

“We can still go back and I’ll hit him with my negative hollow,” Perona offered after Zoro told her that he’d seen him before they left.

“No, it’s not worth it.” Zoro sat quietly, gazing out at the horizon. His normally stoic stare glazed over, a frown painted across his face. Perona hovered near him, poking his cheek to try and get his full attention. When he didn’t respond she pouted and went back over to the helm where Mihawk was steering.

“Leave him be, Perona. He’ll tell us what he needs when he knows,” Mihawk spoke.

“I know but he’s acting like a kicked puppy and I can’t take it!”

Mihawk watched the way Zoro seemed to deflate with each breath, noticed the way his body was just now starting to relax as if he was coming out of a fight, and the way his hand kept wandering up to brush at his chest scars over his shirt. Then, as if he couldn’t stay there a moment longer, Zoro stood up and scrubbed his eyes with his palms. He grabbed his bag from the deck nearby and sulked to the sleeping quarters. The door swung behind him with not a word spoken.

“See!” Perona pointed with a whispered shout. “He didn’t even wave goodnight or anything!”

“He is obviously deeply wounded. All we can do is hold space for him and be here should he want to speak about it.”

“Hmm…” Perona hummed, thinking. “I’m going to cheer him up if it kills him.”

“Would it kill you to listen to me?” Mihawk sighed. “I just told you to leave him alone until he’s ready.”

“This is Zoro we’re talking about. If I leave it until he’s ready to talk about his emotions we’ll be waiting until the end of time.”

When Ivankov woke Sanji was already in the kitchen. He sat down at the counter, watching the way Sanji moved, cut, stirred, tossed to pan. His movements were choppy, harsh, like the food had personally offended him. His knife came down fast and hard and it took him about two seconds too long to realize that he grazed his knuckles with the knife. He stood there, staring at the blood flowing from his hand and onto the half sliced vegetables on the cutting board.

“I have a first aid kit in the other room,” Ivankov said gently, rounding the counter to turn off the stove. She put her hands on Sanji's shoulders to guide him. “Come on.”

“I haven’t cut myself in years,” Sanji murmured, cradling his hand.

They walked in silence to the makeshift infirmary. Ivankov sat Sanji down in a chair and opened a box of medical supplies. He held the injured hand steady as he poured disinfectant over the cuts.

“It’s shallow. You’ll be just fine,” Ivankov said as she began to wrap each finger in thin strips of bandage. “Are you ready to talk yet or do you want to go another round with the vegetables?”

“Stupid cocky bastard!” Sanji snapped. “I never thought he’d have something to be that ashamed of! He was always so proud.”

“You ever stop to think that the only reason he feels ashamed about it is because of people like you? In fact you are arguably worse than flat out hatred,” Ivankov gripped Sanji’s hand a bit tighter. “I’ve dealt with a lot of people like you, you know? You say you don’t care while in the same breath acting like it’s a dirty little secret to be kept. You’re the type that would fawn over lesbians and then turn around and say that gay men better not so much as check you out. You’re so insecure and afraid to be perceived as anything less than the perfect picture of masculinity that you make it everyone else’s problem. Am I hitting the mark here or do you want to argue some more?” He dropped Sanji’s hand and slammed the lid on the medical supplies.

“You don’t know anything about me. Just because you and your little friends tormented me for two years doesn’t mean anything. You have no idea what I’ve survived!” Sanji jumped up out of the chair. “You don’t know who I am!”

“Then tell me. Tell me all about who you are. Because right now all I see is a scared, angry child,” Ivankov hissed.

“I am!” he blurted, falling to his knees. “Was. I was a scared child. I spent every day wishing I was stronger, better. So I could make my asshole father like me, so that my brothers would stop beating the shit out of me. Every. Single. Day. Only two people gave a damn about me, my mother and my sister. And neither of them could do a damn thing. And when my mother died it only got worse. I was eight years old when my father locked me away and faked my death. Because I wasn’t a perfect little soldier.” Sanji sobbed violently, shaking as he held himself in a tight ball. “Because I’d rather cook than jump off buildings and spare grown adults. I…I still can’t have anything over my head because of that metal helmet. Sometimes it feels like it’s still there, in my nightmares, just like the broken bones. My ribs crack and I can’t breathe. And then they slam my head into the floor and blood floods the helmet until I’m drowning in it.”

Ivankov sat down next to him, reaching out to place a hand on his back. Sanji flinched away, like the touch burned him. He was crying so hard, snot bubbling at his nose, that he was barely breathing. His body shook as his hands clawed at his hair. They sat there, side by side as Sanji completely lost control of himself. 

It took nearly two hours of working through breathing techniques, ground skills, and babbling about anything and everything he’d gone through before Sanji allowed himself to be pulled from the ground. They talked about the experiments Judge did on him and his siblings, how his mother tried to save them and died for it, his imprisonment and subsequent escape, his time on the cruise ship and the pirate attack, the days he spent starving with Zeff. He finally calmed down when he got to his time at the Baratie.

  “Zeff’s my real father,” Sanji said as they walked back to the kitchen. “He took care of me and taught me everything he knows. He was tough but I finally felt at home. Leaving him was hard and I can’t let him down. I can’t let Luffy and the crew down either.”

“And you think that if you let them see you as anything but the front you’ve put up that’s what will happen?” Ivankov inferred. “Do they seem like the kind of people who would care about that kind of thing?”

Ivankov sat Sanji down at the table while she went to clean up the kitchen and prepare a fresh meal. Sanji insisted on taking the soiled food for himself, unable to watch anything go to waste.

“Zoro!” Perona whined. “Come on. It’ll be fun and relaxing. Please?”

“I don’t feel like having some ridiculous spa day. In case you forgot, I’m trying not to think about being a girl,” Zoro sighed, continuing to do the bicep curls he’d been doing when Perona burst in.

“Well first off, you’re not a girl. Trust me, you’re as gross as any other man,” Perona started. “And that’s exactly why you need a spa day. Men could benefit from a spa day every once in a while.”

“Why don’t you go ask Mihawk then?” Zoro growled.

“She did,” Mihawk revealed, stepping into the doorway. “I quite enjoy a long soak and a glass of wine.”

“See? Mihawk is doing it. I promise absolutely no girly things for you. I won’t even ask to fix your cuticles. Just a long bath, a hair trim, and some skin care. Please?” Perona whined.

“Fine. But only because a hot bath will help with all this aching,” Zoro conceded.

“Aching?” Mihawk questioned. “You’ve not been working out long today.”

“Oh!” Perona leaned in close to whisper. “Are you on your period right now?”

“Yes,” Zoro gritted out, turning red. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“I’ll get you some sake and we’ll meet you at the bath. Take your time.”

Perona and Mihawk left the room as Zoro sighed and racked his weights. He gazed at himself in the large mirror, looking himself up and down. He twisted his body this way and that, glaring at anything he perceived as imperfect. He couldn’t help thinking about what the others might think now. He could imagine them either tiptoeing around it, trying not to hurt him and pitying him, or saying something weird and uncomfortable due to lack of understanding. He knew deep down that none of his friends would say something out of malice, but he could see some of them saying something that would hurt him accidently.

He had carefully and meticulously chosen who he’d revealed his identity to, sans Robin. And when she found out he had panicked for a few days, even though she had responded well to the news. And now it was all out in the open because of the man, who despite everything, he had grown to really respect and consider important to him. Truly he would have told the rest of the crew eventually, he’d already been considering it and how to do it since they had reunited back in Sabaody. He’d wanted to do it carefully, talking to each of them privately with microdoses of vulnerability that he felt prepared to handle. 

He left the weight room with one last long look in the mirror. He stalked to his room in Shikkearu castle. It felt familiar and safe here and he was thankful that Mihawk had brought him here instead of somewhere in the Cross Guild’s territory. He’d spent two years on this bed, in this room, in this castle. It felt like a second home to the Sunny. He felt himself grinning when he realized that Mihawk and Perona had kept his room exactly as he’d left it. The green bedding Mihawk had bought him was still on the bed; the nightstand had rolls of bandages that Perona kept there to patch him up. There was the stuffed bear with an eyepatch that Perona had sewn for him when he lost his eye and the sword rack Mihawk had specially commissioned. His bag sat near the dresser where he had dropped it, early in the morning before the sun had risen, when they had arrived before he had headed to the weight room. He dug into his bag, retrieving his bath robe.

Perona and Mihawk were already in the large, divided bath, a half-wall between them. Zoro washed off with the shower before sinking into the steamy water. Perona waded over to the divider, placing a large bottle of sake on the ledge. Zoro took it happily, leaning back to take a swig. He let out a sigh of relaxation.

“You were right Perona. This is just what I needed,” Zoro acquiesced. 

Perona buzzed with happiness at the smile on Zoro’s face. She flicked her gaze to Mihawk with an “I told you so” look. He rolled his eyes as he sipped his wine. The three of them settled down, sinking further into the water, for the long soak. 

After the bath, they wrapped up in their bath robes and Perona ushered Zoro and Mihawk to another room with large black recliners. There were many shelves and a vanity filled with lotions, creams, makeup, nail polish, and other self care items. She had them both sit and got them both another drink.

“I just got these chairs. They’re this new technology,” Perona explained before turning them on. “They’re massage chairs. If it’s even possible that you have any knots left after the bath you won’t have any when these are done.”

Zoro let out a tight exhale as a roller embedded in the chair pressed into his tight shoulder muscle. The rollers worked up and down his back as Perona spread a thick layer of black gel on his face. She went over to Mihawk, putting the same gel on the upper half of his face before grabbing a small dropper bottle, dripping a few drops into her hands and rubbing it into his beard. 

“Are you happy now, Perona?” Mihawk quipped lightheartedly. “She has been trying to find an excuse to get me to take a week off to come home. She keeps talking about how I never spend time with her anymore.”

“Well, you don’t,” Perona responded. “If you would at least arrange your schedule so that I have some time with the great and powerful Hawkeye Mihawk, the man who took me in and gave me a place to stay when I had been displaced.” She droned dramatically. “How dare I, a lonely girl, find comfort in a dear friend.”

“You’re welcome to come visit me any time you like, you know,” Mihawk said.

“I know that and I was there visiting you. But that circus tent makes me uncomfortable.”

“You can’t blame her for that,” Zoro pointed out. “I still can’t believe you teamed up with that clown.”

“He’s… entertaining. And Sir Crocodile is good company.”

“Lalalalala! I’m not listening!” Perona bellowed, covering her ears.

“No!” Zoro laughed. “Mihawk! Say it’s not true,” he teased.

“She’s being dramatic again. I haven’t told her anything uncouth. And my personal life is my business,” he defended. 

“If I have to hear Buggy call you Hawky Baby or watch Crocodile eye you like dessert over dinner again I’m going to drink poison,” Perona proclaimed as Zoro busted into a laughing fit. “I don’t care what you do but I don’t want to know any more than what’s completely obvious.”

“They’re not that obvious,” Mihawk rebutted.

“It must be an in private thing,” Zoro said. “If you three acted like that in public the gossip column that Nami reads would have it as the next big headline.”

“It could be more private,” Perona groaned. “I’m sure that I’m not the only one who’s noticed.”

“That’s because I trust you. And by extension, since they trust my judgement, they also trust you. They wouldn’t allow you to see it if they didn’t. But I suppose I can request that they tone it down around you, since it impacts you so.”

Perona settled down in the last chair after she put on her own face mask and put the container back on the shelf. The three of them continued to gossip and laugh well into the afternoon, Zoro and Mihawk electing to stay in the tiny salon room and drink while Perona did her lavish self care routine. Zoro even allowed her to trim his hair and remove his earrings to give the gold a quick cleaning.

“I’ve got it!” Nami called, rushing to pick up the receiver of the transponder snail. “Hello?” she answered.

“Hey Nami,” Zoro’s voice came through the speaker.

“Zoro!” Nami cheered. “How are you?” She tried to keep the apprehension out of her voice as Luffy came barreling into the galley.

“I’m okay,” Zoro assured. “Perona just got done doing my hair and Mihawk is heading down to the kitchen so I thought I’d call before dinner. How’s… how did… What are the others up to?” he settled on.

Luffy was climbing over Nami, trying to snatch the receiver from her hand. Nami shoved him, causing some cups to fall off the table behind them. 

“It’s fine Zoro. Nothing's going to change, I promise,” she said before turning to yell at Luffy as his arm stretched to grab at the snail again. “Would you knock it off Luffy! You can talk to him in a minute!”

“But Nami!” Luffy whined. “I want to talk to Zoro now! I’m the captain, it’s my snail.”

“And who paid for it?!” Nami corrected. “Anyways, it sounds like you’re feeling better. I’m glad Perona was able to cheer you up.”

“Yeah. As annoying as she can be sometimes, she really does know this whole relaxing thing. It’s helping. I just wanted to tell you that I think I’m going to be okay. In a few more days. I have some stuff to think about. Now put Luffy on before he breaks something.”

“Okay Zoro. Take care. We can’t wait for you to come home,” Nami calmed, stepping aside so Luffy could take her spot.

“Zoro!” Luffy exclaimed. “I’m so happy you called.”

Luffy spoke excitedly to Zoro about everything that he had done since the other left, including a very detailed list of the bugs he caught while exploring around the island. Zoro listened happily to his best friend, knowing that things truly would be okay, because his friends were the kind of people that were full of the same kind of fairness and joy as their captain. 

“What would you do if you didn’t have anything to prove?” Ivankov asked. 

“What do you mean?” Sanji huffed, pulling the wagon up onto the deck. They had stopped to grab a few things that Ivankov hadn’t had time to pack in her rush to get to the Strawhats on time. She was nice enough to buy Sanji a couple of packs of cigarettes for his stay, and Sanji was more than ready to have one.

“If you didn’t have to be the perfect strong cook that Zeff raised you as and that you feel like you still need to be, in able to protect your crewmates. If you didn’t have to be a perfect gentleman all the time. What would you do? How would you act? How would you present yourself?” Ivankov clarified. 

“I don’t have to be a gentleman. I choose to be,” Sanji replied, lighting a cigarette and taking a long pull. The nicotine immediately calmed him and he felt better than he had in a day and a half. “Zeff made sure that I knew that ladies deserve to be treated with respect.”

“And how do you think he’d feel if he knew that you only treated ladies you’re attracted to with respect?” Ivankov challenged. Sanji had been talking about Zeff all day and Ivankov could tell that Sanji thought very highly of the man, that it might be his best way to push Sanji in the right direction.

“I don’t,” he started but even he knew that denying that was a crock. “I could be better about that. I can see,” he groaned, “how that would come across as misogynist.” It was like pulling teeth. “And I should treat all women better. Nami has been telling me this for a while, that even the women I’m attracted to don’t want to be treated the way I act sometimes.” He took another drag from his cigarette.

“That’s right. For you women fall into two categories, objects of lust or repulsive monsters. And no woman wants to be either of those. So no matter if she is elderly or fat or hairy or anything else, all women, and I mean all, should be treated well, if you’re going to do this chivalry thing. Hold the door, pull out her seat, offer her assistance, without drooling over her or saying weird creepy comments.”

Sanji lost himself in thought as he considered what his chivalry should really look like. And as he thought, images of Zoro filled his mind, the way the swordsman was always seamlessly there for the rest of them. How he helped Nami pick tangerines, listened to Robin talk about her books, held the door for Sanji when his hands were full with groceries. Sanji’s face heated at the thought. He forced himself to think about how Zoro did the same kind of things for everyone, like playing cards with Chopper when everyone else was too busy, or letting Usopp ramble about a new invention they were excited about. But Sanji couldn’t stop himself from picturing Zoro holding that stupid door open. Such a small gesture, simple and meaningless. It was just a door, anyone could hold it for him, anyone would. But it was always Zoro.

“Damnit Mossy,” Sanji mumbled.

“What’s that?” Ivankov questioned, too busy putting things away while Sanji was pondering to hear what he’d said. 

“I don’t know yet,” he replied honestly. Sanji shook his head. “You asked what I’d do differently?” Sanji hurried to change his train of thought. “I haven’t given it much thought, things have always been a certain way, I’ve always been a certain way. I think I’d like to grow my hair out but I’ve never been able to let myself. I think I’m worried I’d look like my old man.”

Ivankov nodded understandingly as Sanji took the last drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out on the bottom of his shoe. She walked closer, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to see?” Ivankov offered. “I could give you a microdose of one of my hormones, just enough for your hair to grow. And if you hate it, we cut it back off. What do you think?”

“Just enough for my hair to grow. Nothing else,” Sanji affirmed.

“Of course.”

“Okay. Yeah, let’s do it.”

Ivankov and Sanji walked to Ivankov’s room and Sanji sat at the vanity. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as Ivankov injected him. He felt his hair brush his cheeks, then his neck, and down his back. He kept his eyes closed as Ivankov pulled back, anxious to look in the mirror. 

“Let me just style it, then you can look,” Ivankov said, already brushing through the fresh locks.

“Does it look alright?” Sanji asked after a few moments.

“You tell me. Open your eyes,” Ivankov said, setting down the brush.

Sanji peeked at himself in the mirror and for a second the world stopped. Ivankov had brushed his long blonde hair into a sleek ponytail that hung over his shoulder. Tears brimmed Sanji’s eyes as he reached out to touch his reflection. He brushed his bangs out of his face to see more clearly and let out a sob.

“Do you want to cut it back off?” Ivankov offered, worried that Sanji was about to have another panic attack.

“No!” Sanji replied instantly. “No, please. It’s perfect. It’s so perfect.”

“Is it what you hoped then?” Ivankov smiled.

“Better. It’s so much better than I could ever imagine. It’s like having a piece of my mother back.”

Sanji was smiling so wide now, the tears running happily down his face. Ivankov leaned in, giving Sanji a soft side hug. “Long hair suits you. It’s like it was meant to be.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, eyes glittering with the promise of something new and wonderful. 

The next morning Sanji was dancing around the kitchen, humming and swaying. He seemed like a completely different person compared to the day before. Ivankov laughed at the way his hair bounced in the messy bun Sanji had attempted.

“I’ll have to teach you some hair styles to keep the lovely blonde hair out of your face while you cook. Is there anything else you want to do today?” Ivankov offered.

“I’d like some advice,” Sanji said, plating up the food. He set one down in front of Ivankov, leaning on the counter across from her with his own plate. “I want to make sure my apology to Zoro is as good as it can be, you know. So I need some help, if you could, so it comes across right.”

“And because I’m queer you think I’ll be able to help you not fuck it up?” Ivankov hummed, taking a bite of her meal.

“A bit, yeah,” he admitted with a shrug. “I know you’re not the same as him. But you know a lot more than I do. I just don’t want to put my foot in my mouth while trying to show I’m genuinely sorry. Especially given my history with him, I just, I think that whatever I come up with on my own won’t be good enough.”

“I see,” he nodded. “Well, I’ll tell you what, you come up with the ideas and I’ll help you refine them. I’m not doing any of the work for you, but I suppose I can make sure you don’t make an even bigger ass of yourself.”

“I was also thinking,” Sanji hesitated. “While you’re showing me how to do my hair, maybe we could also..” He took a deep breath and looked away. “You could teach me how to do my nails,” he forced out. “Just, like keeping them maintained. Obviously I keep my nails clean, since I’m a chef, but maybe I could keep them a bit nicer.”

“Sure, I’d be happy to. I’m glad that you’re asking for things you want. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own body, whatever that looks like for you.”

Sanji smiled, a weight lifting from him. Ivankov could see exactly what was happening, he’d seen it so many times before. Maybe she’d been too hard on Sanji in Kamabakka Queendom, pushed him too hard. After everything Sanji disclosed yesterday it was no wonder the boy was so resistant to any challenge to his identity. And now that Ivankov was taking it easier, letting Sanji take the lead, she could see him relaxing. He was like a flower, about to bloom. And all Ivankov had to do was provide a little bit of water.

“Would you like to have a friendly duel, Roronoa?” Mihawk asked over breakfast. “I believe it may be amusing to see how much you’ve improved since you resided here.”

“Oh my gosh Mihawk!” Perona groaned. “Just say you miss sparring with him.”

“I’d like that,” Zoro admitted, ignoring Perona’s outburst. “And who knows, maybe you’ll be the one being patched up this time,” he goaded. 

“Watch your mouth, boy. You are still far from besting me. But you can try, I’ll enjoy knocking you down all the more.”

“Cocky old man.”

“Insulant child.”

Perona looked back and forth between the two men as they held fierce gazes on each other. Just as she was about to stand and put a stop to their stand off they both broke, Mihawk letting out a soft chuckle while Zoro busted with laughter. Perona sighed, settling back in her seat.

“How about this,” Mihawk started. “If you last longer than your best time against me, I’ll allow you to select one of the barrels of alcohol from my personal collection in the cellar. Some of them have been aging for quite a while. That should be adequate.”

“If you thought I needed an excuse to do my best, you’re mistaken but I’ll happily help myself to your precious cellar when we’re finished!” Zoro smirked, standing to go retrieve his swords. “I’ll meet you outside. I’m going to make a call first.”

“Perona, will you be kind enough to keep time?” Mihawk asked.

“I guess. It’ll give me a good reason to catch up on my stories.”

After tying his swords to his waist he set off to find the transponder snail. He knew that the last place he had it was in the lounge when he’d called Nami and Luffy. And in theory, he knew how to get to the lounge. He’d been there often enough. He walked the halls, checking behind doors and finding every room but the one he wanted. He even stumbled on Mihawk’s room. He was about to close the door, not wanting to invade his privacy when the corner of a photo caught his eye. He stepped in, turning to see it better. Mihawk had a large photo framed on the far wall, near his desk, of himself with Zoro and Perona. It took Zoro a minute but soon he remembered that this photo had been taken the night before he left to return to his crew. In the photo the three of them were laughing, holding steins with their backs illuminated by a bonfire and their faces lit up by the flash of the photo snail. The frame was the kind of ornate gold that would be expected but the small plaque at the bottom, which he’d almost glanced over, caught Zoro by surprise. In decorative etching a single word sat, Family. 

Zoro hurried out of the room, closing the door behind him. His heart soared, a soft smile pulling at his lips. It was true, Mihawk was his rival, someone he would defeat one day and claim the title of World’s Greatest Swordsman. But he was also his mentor, who he respected and looked up to. Even someone he cared about. And apparently, in the secret hidden part of his private world Mihawk cared about him too. 

It seemed that Zoro was taking too long to find the transponder snail because as he rounded a corner one of Perona’s ghosts appeared. Which meant that Perona was sitting somewhere waiting impatiently for him. He sighed, following the ghost through the corridors. He really wasn’t that far from the lounge, as it turned out. The ghost disappeared once Zoro sat on the couch, having served its purpose. Zoro reached for the snail, making his call.

“Why hello Zoro,” came Robin’s cool tone. “What can I do for you?”

“Can I talk to Usopp?” Zoro asked.

“But of course. Give me just a moment.”

There were the sounds of Robin picking up the snail and walking through the ship before the clanking of what Zoro assumed was Usopp tinkering filled the speaker before quieting. 

“Call for you,” Robin said.

“Hey!” Usopp greeted. “How you doing buddy?”

“I’m good,” Zoro replied. “I wanted to talk to you. I wanted you to know that I was going to tell you, eventually. Soon, actually. You were the next person I was going to tell.”

“Don’t worry about it, Zoro. You didn’t have to call just to tell me that.”

“I know that. But I wanted to tell you what I’d been planning, since the moment kind of got ripped away from me.”

“Okay. I get it. A little reclaiming of the situation. Alright, proceed.”

“I was going to tell you the next time we had a card night. I wanted to wait until everything was calm and normal. Everyone always stays up late on those nights and it’s easier for me to talk about it when I’m either too drunk to care or it’s too dark to see anyone’s face, in case they’re disappointed. And card night is easy, it’s just the people who matter. So, I was going to wait until the early risers went to bed, when it’s just you and me and Nami, sometimes Luffy or Robin.”

“That way Nami could beat my ass undisturbed if I said something fucked up?”

“So that I had…” Zoro sighed. “So that I had support. So that no one I wasn’t ready to tell would overhear.”

“That’s kind of sweet. You should lean on us more, you know. We’ve got your back too.”

“I know that!” he snapped. “It’s not that simple.”

“You’re like really bad at this being vulnerable thing, you know that right? You sound emotionally constipated,” Usopp joked. “But thanks for telling me this. I know it’s hard for you. Take it easy and I’ll see you in a few days, yeah?”

“Yeah. Before you go, Nami said that the others took it well, all things considered. Is that true?”

“You don’t trust Nami’s judgement?” 

“Not when she’s like this. She’d say anything to get me home right now. So tell me the truth, am I going to have a hard time when I come back.”

“I think the hardest time you’re going to have to deal with is awkward questions from Jimbe and Franky offering to give you upgrades. And well, the elephant in the room of course.”

“I don’t know if I can even look at him.”

“I know, man. But you’re like the bravest, toughest, most unfazed person I know. You’ve been on the brink of death and didn’t even bat an eye. I think you can handle whatever comes next.”

“Thanks Usopp.”

“By the way, while we’re on the topic, you do know I’m nonbinary, right? Like, I feel like you didn’t know.”

“You’ve never told me. But that makes sense, now that I think about it.”

“Yeah, so don’t worry too much about coming home. It’s a bit more queer here than you give us credit for.”

Zoro hung up, feeling more self assured. He stood, cracking his neck and heading out to the training grounds. Mihawk was waiting, after all. And he was excited to show how much he’d improved to his mentor.

Ivankov had spent the morning giving Sanji a manicure, telling him exactly what she was doing and why. Then, she showed him how to do a few hairdos, ending with an elegant high bun. 

“Can I show you a little bit of makeup? Just for the dark bags under your eyes and those incredibly dry lips,” Ivankov asked.

“I guess. Do I really look that bad?” Sanji questioned. “I didn’t think my eye bags were that bad.”

“You look better than most. I can tell you actually use a facial cleanser now. It’s good to know you did learn something from my girls. But no matter how well you take care of your skin, an atrocious sleep schedule is going to age you. And the smoking doesn’t help, dries your lips out like nothing else. But that’s nothing I can’t teach you how to fix.”

Sanji listened carefully as Ivankov explained about every cream and powder she applied. It really wasn’t a lot, Sanji remembered getting his make up done being far worse. 

“So,” Ivankov said, putting down a compact. “About that apology, do you have any ideas?”

“Not yet. But I have ruled some things out. I can’t get him anything because he’s not really a material person, the only gifts he ever gets is alcohol and whetstones. It wouldn’t be very original and he’d think it pretty shallow. Not how I want this apology to go. I can’t just say it either. I know he values actions over words, and I’d probably fuck it up if I tried to say it anyways.”

“Well, what would he appreciate?" he asked. “Instead of thinking about everything that won’t help you, focus on what would.”

“I don’t know! How do I make him feel supported after what I did? I humiliated him in front of everyone he cares about and threw his biggest secret into the open. I might just swallow what’s left of my pride and beg.”

“I know you said he’s an actions over words kind of guy, but maybe you should just talk to him. I think we’ve made a lot of progress the last few days and by the time we head back you just might make the breakthrough you need to figure out where your initial feelings towards him, that lead you here, came from. And understanding those feelings might help you apologize.”

Ivankov turned Sanji’s chair so he could see himself in the mirror. Sanji took a long look at himself and felt his chest tighten. He leaned closer, noticing every carefully styled strand of hair and the way his face was brightened, that no one would know was because of makeup. He gulped and looked up at Ivankov.

“What’s wrong? You look like a kicked puppy.”

“I like it,” Sanji whimpered. “I look pretty and I like it.”

“You’re allowed to look pretty and you’re allowed to like it. I’m sorry no one ever made you feel like you could.”

“I think there’s something wrong with me. I’ve been so confused. Everything made sense before and now nothing does,” Sanji admitted. “Iva, what’s happening? I was so sure about myself or at least I thought I was.” Sanji hugged himself. He wasn’t fully panicking like he’d done the first day but he was starting to get that distant look.

“You’re okay Sanji. You’re safe. Take some deep breaths, okay? Like we practiced before,” Ivankov led him through the breathing exercises, squeezing his arms gently to distract him. It didn’t take too long for Sanji to calm down this time, but he still was teetering on starting up again.

“What if everything I thought about myself is a lie?”

“Well, let’s go through what’s important and you tell me if any of it is a lie. You care deeply about your crew and about the Zeff and the other cooks at the Baratie. That’s true, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Of course it is. But that’s not what I mean.”

“I know. Just be patient, will you. You’re a great chef, you trained hard to be the best you can be. You don’t waste food and you’ll feed anyone who’s hungry. You’re a kind and generous person. Your values are unwavering.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re a strong fighter, incredibly fast and flexible, with plenty of techniques and abilities in your arsenal. You protect those who can not protect themselves.”

“Yes.”

“These things are the core of who you are. You’re still the same person whether you have long hair or short, whether you wear make up or not, no matter what you wear or how you look, you are still the same person with the same values and the same personality. These other things that you’re worried about, it’s fluff. It’s the stuff that’s just there to express yourself, to make you feel good. You haven’t been lying to yourself. You just weren’t ready to know. But now you are. It’s up to you if you want to embrace what’s been hidden.”

“Zoro’s never questioned who he is like this. That’s why he always made me so mad. He’s always been so sure of himself, so confident. It feels unfair. How can he go through life knowing exactly who he is?”

Ivankov let out a laugh. She didn’t mean to, it was a bit cruel to laugh when Sanji was having such an existential crisis and subsequent emotional breakthrough. But she truly couldn’t help it. She shook her head and patted Sanji on the shoulder.

“He likely did question everything, long ago, before you ever met him. No one transitions without thinking about it, asking a hundred questions of themselves. The same kind of questions you’re asking yourself now are the kind of questions that every who goes through this kind of metamorphosis asks. So, Sanji, where do we go from here?”

Zoro laid on the ground, panting. Mihawk stood over him, looking down. He held out his hand to pull Zoro up. Zoro gripped it, yanking himself up. He brushed the dust off his body and stumbled when he tried to step. Perona floated down, reaching out to steady him.

“Easy big guy,” Perona said. “Let’s get you to your room.”

“I can walk on my own,” Zoro insisted, trying to take another step.

“Let him go, Perona. I didn’t hurt him that badly. It was just a friendly duel after all,” Mihawk said. 

“Wait,” Zoro remembered. “Perona! Did I beat my time? How long have we been dueling?”

“Seriously?” Perona sighed, pointing at the newest cut on Zoro’s chest. “Aren’t you more worried about getting that patched up?”

“No. It’s not even that deep,” Zoro replied with a smirk at Mihawk, as if the wound not being deeper was a point of pride.

“It’ll be easier to get him to bed if you tell him if he won his prize.”

“Fine!” Perona floated back up to where she had perched during the fight. She opened a notebook that she kept from Zoro’s training, tracking every possible stat for him. She flipped to the latest page where she had written down the time that the fight had started. She pulled her pocket watch to check the current time, then jotted it down. 

“Well?” Zoro called up to her.

“Hang on!” she snipped back. She counted the hours and minutes in between the start and end times and compared it to the times farther back in the notebook. “Yes. You beat your time. Now go to your room so I can disinfect your cut and then you can choose what you want from the cellar.”

“Okay, okay. But you better make it quick,” Zoro agreed.

“Here Perona, I’ll take your tea tray to the kitchen,” Mihawk offered.

Perona handed Mihawk the tray with the small, ornate tea set. Then she gathered up her books and stuffed bear, ready to lead Zoro through the halls of the castle. Zoro followed behind her and allowed her to fuse over him. He sat on his bed and let her patch up his wounds, even the ones he really didn’t think needed anything.

“So,” Perona murmured. “Are you going back soon?”

“Tired of me already?” Zoro teased.

“You know that’s not what I meant! It just seems like you’re doing a lot better. And I know your friends are really important to you, you’d want to get back to them as soon as possible.”

“Well yeah. But you’re my friend too and I’m glad you’re here for me. I’ll go back soon but I want to spend another day or two with you and Mihawk.”

“Don’t think too much about it, not that you can really think. I only missed you a little bit. You can go back whenever you want.”

Zoro sighed and flicked her forehead. “I just said I want to hang out with you a bit longer. Now take me to the cellar so we can open one of Mihawk’s precious barrels and drink it down.”

Perona laughed. “Yeah, okay. I’ll get the deck of cards so I can wipe the floor with you two while we drink.”

Perona and Zoro made their way down to the kitchen where Mihawk was already preparing dinner. They took the stairs down to the cellar and Zoro selected an old barrel, lifting it easily and taking it up to the dining room. After eating the cozy dinner Mihawk cooked, the three played cards well into the night while emptying the barrel.

“I’m still a man though,” Sanji said, unprompted, over breakfast. “I feel like a man. I like women.”

“Liking women and being a man don’t have much to do with each other,” Ivankov pointed out. 

“I’m not a woman though. I don’t want to be a woman,” he said. “Well, that’s not completely true. I’ve thought about it, what it would be like to be a girl. But I’ve never felt wrong about being a man.”

“What about Inazuma and I? Do you think you might be like us? Does both feel more correct?” 

Sanji poked at his food with his fork as he thought, considered it. “I don’t know. I never liked the way I felt in that dress.”

“That dress didn’t suit you anyways,” Ivankov replied. “You’d look much better in something darker, like a sapphire blue or maybe a mustard yellow. And tighter too, like a corset vest and pencil skirt with a high slit to keep your maneuverability. Flowy pastel pink really isn’t your vibe.” He hummed. “And stiletto heels would make your kicks that much more dangerous.”

“This is not where this conversation was supposed to go,” Sanji admonished. “I’m having enough of an identity crisis without your help.”

“It really is not as big of a problem as you’re making it out to be. You don’t have to figure everything out right now and you never have to put a label on anything. You can just be you.”

“What am I supposed to say if someone asks? Hmm? Having the answers would make my life a lot easier.”

“You know plenty of queer people, most of us don’t go around announcing it. We just live our lives. But if you really must figure it out while you have me around, I suppose I can assist.”

“That’s it!” Sanji sprang up. “I’ve got it!”

“You figured out your whole little crisis just now?” Ivankov questioned, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“No! I know how to apologize now. I need to call Luffy.”

“What idea popped into that little head of yours?”

“Okay!” Luffy cheered. “Leave it to me! This is gonna be so fun.”

“Thanks Luffy. I’ll be home soon. Tell Nami I’ll pay her back for everything. I’d do it all myself if I were there but I want everything to be ready when Zoro gets back,” Sanji promised.

“Don’t worry about it,” Nami scoffed, snatching the transponder from Luffy. “Just don’t fuck up like this again and we’ll call it even.”

Sanji could hear Luffy laughing in the background. “You’re just excited to have an excuse to video call V…” There was the unmistakable sound of Nami whacking the captain in the head.

“I have a lot to do so I’ll talk to you guys soon, okay?” Sanji said, still worried about Nami’s unyielding wrath.

“You sure do.”

Sanji hung up, took a cigarette from his pack and lit it. After taking a long drag he turned to Ivankov.

“Alright. Let’s see what you imagine would look best on me,” Sanji said.

“Are you sure?” Ivankov asked sarcastically with a wide smile on her face. “Wouldn’t want to complicate your incredibly hard situation.”

“I can just change if I hate it, right? It’s not a big deal.”

“Look at you, you really can learn.”

“Shut up before I change my mind. Are we going shopping or not?”

“After you,” Ivankov laughed, gesturing towards the gangplank.

“By the way,” Sanji said as they walked. “What word do you and Inazuma use?”

“Inazuma uses bigender since he switches between man and woman pretty clearly. I just use queer, easy and all encompassing. Some people use nonbinary to say that their gender doesn’t fit into one or the other. Some say genderfluid to express that their gender is ever changing. There are many, many words to express that you are outside the mold that society has made.”

“Genderfluid,” Sanji whispered, testing the way the word felt on his tongue. “I like that. What about,” he began. “What about something for when you mostly like women but there’s one or two guys you’ve thought about?”

“You could just say you’re bisexual with a heavy leaning towards women. Do I know either of these guys you may or may not have thought about?” Ivankov probed.

“Possibly. But it’s none of your business. Especially since I just realized what it was. I’m still getting used to all this.”

“What did you think it was before?”

“Respect? I don’t know. I knew I thought they were attractive, but like in a piece of art kind of way. Like, that painting looks good,” Sanji babbled, gesturing to nothing in particular. He let out a loud sigh. “I’ll tell you one, and only one if you promise to never bring it up again to anyone.”

“Of course. Your little crush is safe with me.”

“Luffy’s brother,” he muttered.

“What was that? I can’t hear you,” Ivankov teased.

“Luffy’s brother,” he said louder. “Ace. When he was with us in Alabasta, I felt it for the first time. He smiled at me and I think I nearly died. I denied it, of course. I couldn’t possibly be attracted to him but every time he said something nice to me it felt like… I don’t even know. I couldn’t take it and I was kind of happy when he left because those confusing emotions went with him. I convinced myself that it was nothing, a fluke, anything but what it was. And now, now that I know, now that I’m trying to accept this part of me. And I keep thinking about these handful of guys, and it’s driving me insane.”

“Aww, poor baby,” she mocked. “It must be so hard to be attracted to a ripped man that runs around shirtless constantly. No one has ever found freckles and sun kissed skin appealing.”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” he growled. And while it felt nice to get his old crush on Ace off his chest, he’s been more focused on a different muscular man that he’d seen shirtless often. But it was much too soon and too sensitive to talk about those developing feelings.

Zoro snored away on the couch in the lounge. He really didn’t need to be here, in this room. His bed was perfectly fine. But the light shining through the stained glass window warmed his skin and he slept better in the sun, like a lazing cat. Mihawk sat in his chair, reading the newspaper while Perona sat on the floor between the two, nimble fingers working a needle and thread through her latest project. It was a peaceful midday, one that didn’t require conversation, just quiet company. Paper flipping, soft snores, and gentle humming were the soundtrack that had all of them at ease. It was unfortunately interrupted by the sound of a call coming through.

Zoro continued dozing while Mihawk was happy to let the line ring. Perona sighed, setting the fabric down and stomping over to pick up the call. Her answer was a bit brash, unhappy about being disturbed.

“Hold on,” she said after the voice on the other end had replied. “He’s right here. I just gotta… Oh? What is it then?” She listened for a moment. “Yes, we can do that.” Another pause. “That sounds like it could be fun. Alright. See you.”

Perona hung up, picked up her project, and began to head off. She paused in the doorway, turning to Mihawk. “Come see me when you’re done reading the paper.”

“For?” Mihawk asked, not looking away from the article he was reading.

“Can’t talk about it,” she answered, gesturing to where Zoro was lying.

“He’s asleep.”

“It’s a surprise. He could wake up at any time!”

“Fine, whatever you say. I’ll come talk to you in about half an hour or so. Is that acceptable?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know about this,” Sanji doubted from behind the curtain. 

“Come on out,” Ivankov said. “Let’s see.”

“I don’t even know if I did this right,” he continued, peaking out. “You said the middle lacing, right?”

“Yes. Just, let me take a look. Turn around.”

Ivankov stood and walked over, half opening the curtain. She waited for Sanji to turn and then reached down and pulled on the ribbons, tightening the corset to accentuate Sanji’s naturally small waist. She tied it in a neat bow then gestured for Sanji to look in the floor length mirror of the dressing room. 

Sanji stood there, staring at himself in the silk black button down, tucked into a midi length pencil skirt with a slit up the side and the well made, sturdy blue corset over top. The shiny patent leather heels made his legs even longer. He twisted, studying the way his body looked.

“What do you think?” he asked, insecurity lacing his voice.

“The fit is perfect. They really know their stuff here. They got your measurements just right,” Ivankov commented. “But what do you think?”

“I’m beautiful, it’s perfect. But I don’t know if I can do this,” Sanji whispered. “What if someone…”

“I know it’s scary. The people that care about you will understand, though.”

“What will Zeff say if he sees me in the paper, dressed like this. I can’t risk disappointing him. What if he…” Sanji sniffled. “What if he stops loving me?”

“Don’t let him find out that way. We’ll call him together. You know the number to the Baratie by heart, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then,” Ivankov comforted, giving Sanji a hug. “We’ll call him when we get back to the ship.” She wiped the tears from his eyes before they could fall. “Now, do you want me to buy this pretty little outfit for you? Because you look gorgeous.”

“Yes,” he answered, turning to look at himself again. “Do you think it would be too complicated to ask the crew to call me differently based on how I dress?”

“If Straw-boy can do it for Inazuma, I think your crew can handle doing it for you.”

“Good point. Then I’m going to need more than one new outfit, won’t I? Can you have the attendant bring a few more pieces? And I think I’ll use Candy for the more feminine part of my identity, since you’ve been so patient with my bullshit.”

“I really have been patient, haven’t I? So, you’re still Sanji but you’re also Candy, is that right?”

“I think so. Does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense. Let me go get the attendant. We’ll make sure you have a great wardrobe.”

Candy watched Ivankov go before doing a small twirl, smiling at the way her hair swayed.

Back on the ship, after their shopping spree in which Ivankov made sure Candy had everything she could possibly need, they sat and Candy yanked her heels off.

“It’s going to take a while to get used to walking in these,” she groaned.

“You’ll get there before you know it. If you start getting blisters you can use a small bandage on the spots so the back of the heel doesn’t rub into the skin,” Ivankov informed.

Candy sighed, leaning back in her chair. She yawned and checked the time. It was later than she usually prepared dinner but not too late.

“I’m going to start dinner,” she said, gathering her hair up and securing it in a bun like Ivankov had shown her.

“Do you want to call Zeff before or after dinner?”

“I guess we should just rip the bandage off. It’s not going to get any easier.” 

Ivankov fetched the transponder snail, coming back over to sit beside Candy while she took a deep breath. Her hand trembled as she made the call. Ivankov put his hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

“The Baratie, where the chefs fight. How can I help you?” Patty’s voice answered.

“Hey Patty. It’s Sanji. I know it’s the dinner rush, but I really need to talk to Zeff,” she said, voice shaking.

“Geez kid!” Patty laughed. “You sound like you’re about to tell Chef you’re terminal. You’re not, right?”

“No Patty. Just put the geezer on the line!” Candy’s nails dug into her palms.

Patty huffed but didn’t press. The line went quiet for so long that she almost hung up, heart racing so fast she thought it would explode.

“Hey brat! What’s the bright idea, calling and demanding to yap during the busiest time,” Zeff’s voice chastised. 

“Zeff,” Candy whimpered, tears filling her eyes already. “I have something to tell you.”

“Hey, Eggplant,” Zeff’s voice immediately softened. “What’s going on? You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” She looked up at Ivankov for support, taking a deep breath. “This isn’t easy to tell you so just listen.”

“You can tell me anything, kid. You should know that by now,” he said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

“I really don’t want to disappoint you, please don’t be mad,” she sobbed, clutching her chest. “I don’t know how to explain this to you.”

“Take a breath. I can barely understand what you’re saying. Just slow down and tell me what you need to say.”

“I… I feel like,” she started, tripping over her words. “I’m a girl, sometimes. Not all the time. I’m still a man but I’m also a woman.”

“I don’t understand,” he spoke, confusion obvious.

Candy let out a gut-wrenching sound, tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Ivankov gave her arms a squeeze.

“Hang on now,” Zeff said. There were the sounds of him walking, his peg leg tapping against the floor. “Okay, I’m upstairs now. Eggplant, can you try explaining this to me again. Maybe I heard you wrong, with all the sounds of the dining room.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she whimpered again. “I can’t hide this anymore. I wanted to tell you myself, so you didn’t have to see it in the paper.”

“Kid, calm down. I’m just confused, alright? Can you stop with the sobs for just long enough for me to catch up?”

Candy wiped the tears from her face, letting Ivankov help her calm down. Once she could speak without crying, she tried again. “Sometimes I’m Sanji, a man. Sometimes I’m Candy, a woman. I’m the same person but I… I like to look pretty sometimes. Also,” she decided to just drive fully in. “Some guys are attractive.”

“Okay,” Zeff drew the word out. “I can get used to that, I think. So, you just wanted to warn me, in case the next time you all go causing problems I’m prepared for your updated wanted poster to have you in a dress? Is that it?”

Candy froze, not processing how casual he sounded. “You’re… you’re not disappointed?” 

“You’re an idiot. Why would I care if you want to flounce around in a dress? You can still cook, can’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And you can still fight?”

“Yes.”

“And you are still acting right? You behaving how I raised you?”

“Of course sir.”

“Stop with the sir thing. You’ve never called me sir. Feels wrong.”

“Sorry Zeff,” Candy laughed, feeling her body calming. 

“Now that’s better. You may be a stupid brat, but you’re my stupid brat and you could never make me disappointed if you’re just being yourself. If you’re going to do this, make sure you hold your head high. No brat of mine is going to be scared of what anyone is going to think, got that?”

“Yeah, thanks geezer.”

“There’s my Eggplant.”

“Are you going to call me stupid again if I’m a little emotional?”

“Depends,” Zeff joked.

Candy laughed. “Love you, dad.”

“Damn you!” Zeff lightly scolded, the fondness slipping in. “You a boy or girl right now?”

“Girl.”

“Then I love you too, stupid daughter. But don’t you go telling anyone.”

“I won’t, old man.”

“If that’s all, I have to get back to the kitchen.”

Candy hung up, turning to hug Ivankov. She sighed with relief. She took a minute to straighten herself out before heading for the kitchen.

“Okay, now that you’re all caught up,” Perona said. “Do you think this dress or this dress?” She held up two purple dresses, holding one in front of herself and then the other.

“This is ridiculous,” Mihawk sighed. “I will not be participating.”

“But you could wear that blood red shirt you like so much, with the gold buttons,” Perona protested, turning to the mirror since Mihawk wasn’t helping. “With some dark denim and your normal boots. You don’t even need to try.”

“Why would that be the color scheme for me?” Mihawk questioned.

“It’s the best choice, given your options. I don’t think you own enough blue for the other.” She hung one of her dresses back up, holding the other triumphantly. “This one, for sure.”

“And how, pray tell, are you going to convince Roronoa to wear something fitting?”

“Easy. I have approximately sixteen hours to design, pattern, cut, sew, and fit a simple nagagi and haori. Luckily, most of the work is already done since I’ve made outfits for that block-head before. I just have to make sure his measurements are still the same. So all I have to do is load my sewing machine and supplies on the ship and work on it on our way back. You underestimate me, Mihawk.”

“Fine,” he conceded. “If you are so sure you can accomplish this, I will go along. We’ll leave after dinner this evening. That should give you a few hours to work before you have to load all of your equipment.”

“Perfect!” Perona cheered. “I’m going to go wake him up so I can check his measurements.”

Zoro woke up to Perona shaking him. He groaned as she ordered him to stand, maneuvering his limbs and pulling her measuring tape along every possible area.

“Couldn’t this wait until later?” Zoro yawned, resisting the urge to stretch, lest he be the target of a mood swing.

“Nope!” she popped. “I’m almost done, just hold still. Then you can do whatever you please.”

Mihawk came down just as Perona was finishing, jolting down the numbers in her notebook. Zoro looked curiously as she floated off but Mihawk just shook his head. Zoro shrugged, deciding to go to the weight room and get a workout in before dinner.

Perona flitted around her room, pulling bolts of potential fabrics from their organizers. She laid them together, testing which fabrics looked best with each other. Once she had decided on a set of soft linen she dug out one of the patterns she’d kept for making Zoro’s clothes and arranged the pieces to correspond with the colors she wanted each piece of the outfit to be. After checking her notes and making a couple of minor adjustments she traced and cut the pattern pieces. By the time she had snipped through the last bit of fabric Mihawk was calling for her and Zoro to join him for dinner.

“After you finish eating,” Mihawk said. “Make sure you have everything ready to go. We’ll be heading out shortly.”

“Huh?” Zoro questioned. “Taking me back, are you?”

“Do you not wish to return?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then what seems to be the issue?”

“Nothing,” he sighed. Zoro jabbed his fork into the piece of meat on his plate, taking a violent bite.

“I can assure you that I’m not trying to be rid of you, if that’s your concern,” Mihawk soothed. “Your friends called during your nap, asking when you’d return. Perona and I believed you’d been properly consoled and told them we’d have you back to them in the morning.” he lied. “Should I have told them you were to stay longer?”

“No, it’s fine then,” Zoro yielded. “I miss those idiots too.”

“Then we’ll go as planned.”

Mihawk helped Perona load her things onto the small ship and made sure she was properly set up before fetching Zoro. Mentor and student walked side by side, down the private dock to the ship. Neither said a word to the other, silence filling the space. Sentiments that need not be spoken aloud rested there, understood within both men. As they climbed aboard, ready to set sail, they glanced at one another, a look of mutual respect.

“It’s been good to see you again, boy. Now, let’s get you home, shall we?”

Sanji and Ivankov pulled up beside the Sunny promptly at dawn. Most of the crew was still asleep, with only Brook on night watch there to greet them as they came aboard. To Sanji’s delight, Nami had pulled out all the stops, decorating the deck of the Sunny in decorative banners and the table that usually sat in the galley had been pulled out on deck with a tablecloth swishing gently in the breeze. 

“Well Sanji,” Brook said. “What do you think? Is this what you had in mind?”

“It’s great. I owe you guys,” Sanji nodded. At the feeling of bony fingers combing through his hair, his face contorted. “Could you not touch my hair?!” He snapped.

“Sorry,” Brook laughed. “It just looked so soft. It’s so long.”

“Yeah, well. I thought I needed a change.”

“And it’s quite a change,” Ivankov joked.

“Shut up!” Sanji growled. “Are you going to come help me in the kitchen or not?”

Sanji heaved the ingredients towards the kitchen. Ivankov laughed, following behind him. Sanji flipped his hair up, washed his hands and got straight to work. He fell into the familiar rhythm of cooking large batches of food; his crew, especially his captain, having near endless stomachs. 

“What do you want me to do, hmm?” Ivankov hummed, hand on hip.

“Start deboning the fish,” Sanji requested, gesturing to the cutting board and boning knife he’d set up. “We’ve got a lot of fish to process.”

“Whatever you say, chef,” Ivankov smiled.

A couple hours later, Sanji was hulling platters and chafers out of the kitchen and setting them up buffet style on a long table that Franky clearly made for the event. The rest of the crew was starting to wake up by now, Sanji could hear them rustling around to get ready for when Zoro would arrive.

“Come on now,” Ivankov ushered. “You have to get ready too. Your friend will be here soon.”

“Are you sure it’s a good idea for me to go all out right now?” Sanji questioned as Ivankov corralled him towards her ship. “I don’t want it to feel like I’m trying to be manipulative or something. What if it comes across wrong? Like ‘Being mean to you made me realize that I’m queer too so you have to forgive me because I was just mad that you could be yourself when I couldn’t and if you don’t then you’re just as bad as me.’”

“You’re being ridiculous again,” Ivankov asserted. “No one is going to think that. Now, get out of your head and get into that pretty dress we picked out.” She shoved him through the door, into the small room he’d been staying in.

“Okay, okay. Just make sure Luffy doesn’t raid the buffet.”

“Here!” Perona beamed. She held up the clothing she had been working on, the pastel colors contrasting against the deep purple of her own dress. “I made this for you.” 

“Umm… thanks?” Zoro said as he took the nagagi, haori, and obi with crinkled brows.

“Well!” she rushed. “Go try it on!”

She shoved him towards the room she had previously been occupying, his heels dragging before she got him through the threshold and slammed the door. Mihawk watched from across the deck, pinching the bridge of his nose while a small smile pulled at his lips, a mixture of irritation and fondness filling him at the antics of his young companions. When Zoro reemerged from the room he did so with a hint of discomfort in his form.

“I look like a giant piece of cotton candy,” he growled.

“You look great!” Perona corrected. “Don’t tell me you don’t appreciate all my hard work.” She puffed up her cheeks and stomped her foot.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it! You could have just picked better colors is all I’m saying!” he countered.

“Knock it off, both of you. We’re pulling into port now so stop your squabbling and get ready to lay anchor.”

Once anchored, Perona and Mihawk walked Zoro up to the Sunny. Perona was practically vibrating while Mihawk had his arms crossed, seeming to be mildly annoyed. Zoro glanced questioningly between the two but he didn’t have to wonder for long, for when he climbed aboard the Sunny a brightness like no other consumed him.

“Welcome home Zoro!” The crew cheered. 

A large banner with those same words, written in colorful, gaudy letters hung from the  foremast. Smaller banners, each a different combination of vibrant colors, hung from the walls that led to the men’s quarters and the aquarium bar. Among them he spotted one that matched the soft blue, gentle pink, and pure white that Perona had forced him into and he immediately realized that the choice of colors had not been mere coincidence.

Nami, in her short dress that faded from orange to pink, ran up and hugged him. Luffy wasn’t far behind, his usual red exchanged for the same color palette Perona wore, purple with black, white, and gray accents. Luffy wrapped his stretched arms around Zoro until he was held stiff from the multiple crisscrossing layers of rubber. Zoro couldn’t help but smile as he noticed that his friends had all dressed for the occasion. 

“You guys didn’t have to do all this for me,” Zoro said once Luffy loosened his grip.

“It was Sanji’s idea,” Luffy said. 

“To show you that you’re not alone,” Nami explained. 

Zoro took a hard breath. “Where is he?” he asked. He looked over at the buffet, evidence that the cook was around somewhere. 

The door to the bar opened and Zoro’s eyes widened in surprise. The figure that stepped out into the morning sun looked nothing and yet everything like the person he knew. A dazzling dress with hues of dusty pink, fuchsia, and dark blue hugged that small waist and powerful thighs. Beautiful golden locks, curled to perfection, strung with pearls swayed with each step of glossy black heals on the turfed floor. A manicured thumb was bitten between glossy lips as painted eyes refused to meet his. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she walked in front of Zoro and dropped to her knees, head bowed with guilt.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I was a jealous, insecure fool. I don’t deserve your forgiveness but I beg for it anyways.”

“Get up,” he barked.

“What?” And finally her eyes looked up, puzzled.

“I said,” he began, reaching down to grab her arm. “Get up.” He dragged her to her feet and once she was standing he threw his arms around her, holding her tight while she was too stunned to speak. “Idiot.” He spoke the insult with such fondness that the tension in her body snapped and she fell into him more heavily. She hugged back, letting a sob of relief rack her body.

“I really really am sorry,” she whispered next to his ear.

“I know,” he answered, pulling back to look at her properly. “You can tell me about all this,” he gestured to her. “Once I get a plate of your cooking. I could smell it all the way from the docks and I’m starving.”

“Yeah!” Luffy cheered. “Let’s eat!”

The crew and their guests filed through the large fish buffet that had been made especially to Zoro’s tastes. They sat around the table, happy and cheerful as they ate. Nami had Vivi up on video call, smiling brightly at seeing her girlfriend’s face again, as they started to share their stories. Stories about realizing their identities, of coming out, of exploring themselves. And inevitably, when the questions for their cook began, Candy realized again, just as she had with Zeff, that they came from a place of wanting to understand. And it didn’t feel so scary this time, as she explained herself and everything she learned about herself while she was away.

“Oh?” Vivi chimed from the video feed. “What boys have you had a crush on?” Her curiosity was innocent enough that Candy could not fault her for it, but she was still hesitant to share. Noticing this, Vivi amended, “Or what’s your type, at least?”

“My type,” she pondered. “Well, umm…” Her face began to heat up as she thought about it. “Brave, kind, handsome…” She buried her face in her hands. “Rugged,” she squeaked.

“Having a type is weird,” Luffy said. “You just have to find that person that is the right one. Like Traffy.”

“That’s not how it works for most people, Luffy,” Usopp corrected. “That’s why we put you in that outfit, I’m telling you, you are textbook demisexual.”

“All of these labels are so confusing. Everyone should just be whoever they are and be with whoever they love. It’s not that hard,” he said.

“Well said, Straw-boy,” Ivankov agreed. “Although some people find that having a word for how they feel can be comforting.”

Even after Perona and Mihawk had gone, Ivankov said her farewells, and Vivi had to get back to her royal duties, the Straw-Hats continued to party well into the night. They devoured plate after plate of fish and rice, downing jugs of sake while Brook sang. They played cards, danced, joked and laughed. As the moon rose high in the sky, many of the crew began to fall asleep. Franky and Jimbe, carrying Chopper and Luffy respectively, made their way to the men’s quarters.

“You get the ladies, I’ll get Brook and Usopp,” Sanji said. Halfway through the day he had gone off and changed, back in his usual suit and loafers. As he scooped up the sniper he noticed that Zoro was staring at him with a look of confusion. He knew at once why and let a sigh fall from his mouth. “They’ll be more comfortable knowing you helped them to bed. Maybe one day they’ll trust me but I know I have a lot of work to do before then. So, for now, you make sure they get to bed.” He slung Brook over his shoulder and headed off to put the two to bed.

When he came back out Zoro was gathering up the dirty dishes. Sanji joined him and the two silently made their way to the kitchen. Sanji filled the basins of the sink while Zoro pulled a fresh dish towel from the cabinet. They worked in calm silence, Sanji washing and rinsing the dishes while Zoro dried them and put them away.

Once the dishes were done, the decorations were picked up, the table was moved back, and any trash was thrown away, the two settled down on the deck, lying side by side looking up at the stars and drinking one final bottle. The sky was calm and the anger, fear, and sadness that had haunted them for the past week faded into the background, leaving a peaceful feeling in the air. 

“Goodnight, Curls,” Zoro whispered as he scooped Sanji into his arms. The blond had fallen asleep next to him on the deck and Zoro couldn’t find it in himself to leave his crewmate there. He pushed the door to the men’s room open and set the cook down on his bunk, pulling the stupidly extravagant blanket that he kept up to his shoulders. As Zoro left to go keep watch he turned in the doorway, looking at each of his friends, one after the other, drinking in the warmth that being around them gave, before stopping finally on Sanji. He watched from a moment as he cozied into his blanket and a happy, sleepy sound left him and his whole body relaxed into the familiar bed. Zoro let a smile turn the corners of his lips as he closed the door.

Sanji was setting the table for breakfast as everyone started to file into the galley. Zoro came in last, shirtless and sweaty from a long workout, as Sanji was passing out drinks from a tray held high in the air. As Zoro made his way to his normal seat Sanji’s eyes followed, mesmerized by the way his muscles gleamed it the light. He was so caught up in his gawking that his foot caught on the leg of a chair and he stumbled. He was about to right himself when a large arm wrapped around his waist, stabilizing him. 

“Careful cook,” Zoro laughed. His other hand had reached out and snatched the last drink from the tray. “I know you stayed up past your bedtime last night but you wouldn’t want to go spilling anything, right?”

Zoro was so close now that Sanji could smell him, the fresh musk and the scent of iron. He felt his face heat and scrambled away, quickly turning to the kitchen. “Thanks,” he puffed out, letting his bangs hide him as he rushed around the counter. I have to get a hold of myself, he thought as he set the tray down, willing himself to act normal. Now is the worst possible time to be developing feelings.

Zoro took his seat, taking a large gulp of the cool refreshing blend of juices Sanji had prepared to go with breakfast. He quirked a curious eyebrow as he watched the cook run a shaking hand through long hair. He glanced over to Nami to see if she had noticed the odd way their chef was acting but she was lost in conversation with Robin. He’d talk with her about it later, he presumed. After a few more, seemingly manic movements, Sanji was coming back out and sitting down with the rest of them. 

“You outta smokes again or something?” he asked, hoping to avoid any of the moodiness that came whenever Sanji was going through withdrawal. 

“No. I’m fine. Trying not to smoke inside as much. Part of the whole, being more considerate thing,” Sanji supplied, despite reaching for the pack in his jacket pocket. 

Zoro watched as he pulled out a cigarette and set it down on the table near his plate. As they ate and talked with the others Zoro saw every time Sanji’s gaze drifted back to the small stick of tobacco. And he started to notice that every time it had something to do with Zoro. It started with Franky asking about Zoro’s workout, then when Luffy made Zoro laugh, and again when Zoro gulped down the rest of his drink. It was to be expected, he figured, that things would be a bit different now. That Sanji would be more stressed out but also reserved around him. 

“I’m going to go take a nap,” Zoro announced, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn. 

Sanji sighed with relief as everyone began to wrap up breakfast. Chopper and Usopp offered to help with dishes to which he gladly accepted. He rushed out, cigarette in hand, to take a much needed break. If he spent one more moment trying not to emote in front of everyone he was going to explode. The salty sea air and the burn of nicotine mixed in the perfect combination to calm him. They had pulled out of port while he was making breakfast and Nami and Jimbe were heading to the helm now to plot a course to the next island. 

Maybe, he pondered. I just need to get it out of my system. I’ll just find someone on the next island and see if I really like men. It made perfect sense, no need to let emotions get tangled. Surely a quick one night stand would prove that he liked men much more in theory than practice and he could put this silly crush to bed and never have to address it again. He just had to get through this trip, wait it out for a week at most. They’d reach another island before anyone even picked up on the fact that he was having a mental breakdown. 

“That’s the same stuff Perona uses,” Zoro remarked, making Candy jump.

Candy had gone to grab her shower bag after dinner, ready to get cleaned up and go to bed. She hadn’t noticed the swordsman behind her when she went to the bedroom. She had been doing so well the past two days, avoiding being alone with Zoro for her own sanity. And now he was practically looming over her, in a more metaphorical sense, since her heels actually made her a smidge taller than him.

“Haha, yeah. It’s a popular makeup remover,” she mumbled. She took a step back, pressing into the lockers. She laughed nervously as he crossed his arms and cocked his head at her.

“Listen,” he started. “I know you still feel guilty and all that crap but you’re acting fucking weird.”

“Weird? Who’s weird? I’m not acting weird. You must be imagining things. I’m acting totally normal.” She was fidgeting with a lock of hair.

“No, you’re not. Yesterday alone you about jumped out of your skin when I brushed past you, ran the opposite direction when I came out of the bathroom even though you looked like you were about to piss yourself, completely ignored me when I came to take a bottle of sake when usually you’d threat to kick my ass, and  went out and smoked while the rest of us ate lunch and I know it’s because I sat near you so don’t even try to say otherwise.” He counted the instances off on his fingers, his voice growing more agitated with each point. 

“It’s not like that, okay?” She could feel herself getting defensive because, even through recognizing where the hostility started and the looming feelings, the swordsman still had a way of irritating her. “That first one is completely made up, I’d never be intimidated by you. Secondly, I forgot I left the stove on, that’s all. Again, I’m trying to be nicer,” she was gritting her words out, lying through her teeth. “So I didn’t snap at you about stealing all the booze you want like the loaf that you are. And like I’ve been telling you, I’m not smoking inside anymore so you can make up all the reasons you want in your head but everything is fine. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to go get cleaned up since some of us shower more than once a week.”

She shouldered past him, clutching her bag to her chest. To her relief, he didn’t try to stop her as she reached the door. She didn’t rest until she made it to the shower, locking the door behind her. She dropped her bag on the counter and steadied herself, running a hand down her face. She let out a sigh that turned to a growl. “Stupid moss. Who does he think he is, cornering me like that? And looking at me like he was worried about me. He’s such a brute. A big, dumb, handsome, altruistic bastard.” She tugged at her hair.

“She’s being fucking crazy,” Zoro groaned, dropping into the seat closest to Nami’s drafting table in the library.  

“Hmm? Who?” Nami asked, half paying attention.

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” Zoro complained. “Candy. She’s been acting strange ever since we got back.”

“This again,” Nami sighed, sitting up straight and taking her glasses off. She turned to face Zoro. “I told you yesterday, she’s probably just adjusting.”

“She won’t even admit it. I wouldn’t be so mad if she would just be honest about the fact she’s ignoring me. I just confronted her about it and she lied. To my face.”

“You know she’s always had a hard time being vulnerable,” Nami pointed out with a roll of her eyes. “She doesn’t want to admit that she’s still feeling some kind of way about everything.”

“How are we supposed to help her if she won’t talk to us?”

Nami laughed at that. “Look at the pot calling the kettle black. You can’t talk about your emotions for shit.”

Zoro grimaced and turned away, feeling caught. Nami stood, stretching and working her wrist. She ruffled Zoro’s hair as she passed him, heading out of the room.

“Just give her a little more time and if she’s still doing it then we’ll talk to her together, okay?”

“Fine. But I’m going to keep taking alcohol while she’s not yelling at me.”

It was the next day, a rainy afternoon, when Usopp called down from the crow’s nest. They spotted land with their spyglass and hollered down to report it to Nami. She looked at the log pose, noting the positions of the three needles. 

“Jimbe, a minor adjustment towards starboard. Usopp, keep your sights set on that island. Franky, tell the others we’ll be docking soon,” Nami commanded.

“You got it Nami!” the three replied.

An hour or so later, despite the torrential downpour, they had managed to lay anchor in the port of a city. The crew prepared to set out, the more sensible of them opting to throw on ponchos or raincoats while the others were already plowing ahead.

“Are you going to be normal with me pulling the cart or are you going to keep acting like I don’t exist?” Zoro quipped as Sanji got ready to go grocery shopping.

“For the last time, I’m not ignoring you, stupid moss. Why don’t you go get the tarp for the cart so our food doesn’t get waterlogged?” Sanji snapped back.

“I already did, but of course you wouldn’t notice since you are ignoring me.”

“Well,” Sanji puffed up. “Thank you. Let’s go then.”

Sanji led the way down the docks and into the city. The streets were quiet and shopping was easy, with hardly anyone wanting to be out in such weather. It didn’t take long for Sanji to get most of the things off his list while he forced himself to make small talk with Zoro as they shopped. 

“Which one do you want?” Sanji asked when they stopped at a fish stall.

“You never care about my opinion. You always say ‘It’s my kitchen and I’ll stock it with whatever the hell I please.’” Zoro mocked.

“Well I care now. So do you want to help pick fish or not? First I’m ignoring you and now that I’m trying to include you that’s wrong too.”

“So you admit you have been avoiding me.”

Sanji slammed his hands on the counter. “I have not been avoiding you.”

The fisherman took a step back as the two butted heads, looking around for someone to step in. “Gentlemen,” he warbled. “This is no place for a lover’s spat.”

“We are not lovers!” They both yowled.

Sanji hurriedly grabbed a few fish, slapping the payment onto the counter without a word. He threw the fish in the cart, growling with the knowledge that there was no way he was going to be able to smoke in this downpour. He stomped off, not needing to check if Zoro was following, knowing that the swordsman would not risk his or Nami’s fury should the cart not make it back to the ship.

Back at the Sunny, Sanji sorted through the groceries as Zoro brought them into the kitchen off of the cart. Both of them were on the verge of snapping, tension thick in the air. The moment the last ingredient was shelved in the pantry, Zoro was heading up to the crow’s nest. Sanji stepped out onto the gangplank. 

“And where are you going?” Zoro yelled from halfway up the mast.

“None of your damn business!” Sanji shouted back.

Sanji was off by the time Zoro was down and heading after him. But before he could get too far Usopp, who had been charged with manning the Sunny, was standing in front of him.

“Woah, hey. Let’s calm down,” Usopp said.

“I’m following him,” Zoro asserted. 

“Is that really the best idea?”

Zoro let out a feral growl that had Usopp taking a step back. At the look of apprehension on the sniper’s face, Zoro sighed. He took a deep breath, working on the grounding techniques Mihawk had taught him.

“I’m worried about him,” he relented. “He’s not himself and I just want to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.” Explaining himself, his feelings, felt taxing in a way he wasn’t used to but he knew he owed his crewmates that much.

“Fine,” Usopp allowed. “Just don’t start a fight with him.”

“He won’t even know I’m there.”

Sanji swung open the door of a dingy bar. It wasn’t his first choice of establishment, but people in these kinds of places didn’t ask questions. He sat on one of the tattered barstools and pulled an ashtray closer. He lit a cigarette before telling the bartender he needed a stiff drink.

“That’s a lot of alcohol for someone your size,” commented a grizzled mountain of a man a few seats down.

“I can handle my liquor just fine,” Sanji hissed.

“And what is someone like you,” the man purred, looking Sanji up and down. “Doing in a place like this? You look much too nice for this dump.” He moved closer, putting a hand on Sanji’s shoulder.

Sanji bristled and pulled away. Is he flirting with me? “I’ve had a long day.” He eyed the stranger, he was handsome enough, if a little older than what Sanji typically liked. “Week actually. I’m trying to relax.” It came out meaner than he meant it but that didn’t seem to deter the man.

“I know how to help uptight little things like yourself relax.” His hand was on him again, at his waist this time, grabbing. “Why don’t I buy you a round or two to help you loosen up, let that pretty hair down, and then we’ll see if that takes care of your feisty attitude.”

“Seems like you like feisty.” The hand on his waist tightened, squeezing his side a little too hard. The man moved behind him, pressing in close enough that Sanji could feel his breath right next to his ear. He leaned forward until the bar top was digging into him. The man’s other hand wrapped into his hair, holding the back of his head.

“I like to break the feisty out of pretty young boys like you.” And then he was letting go, sitting down beside Sanji. The bartender set down a drink and the man scooted it closer to him. “Go on, drink up.”

I can always kick his ass if I want it to stop, he reasoned. He took a long gulp, feeling the burn of alcohol as it slid down his throat. The man had his hand on his thigh now, squeezing again. The man was obviously a sleaze, his touches too rough and his tone too controlling. I can’t be too selective. It’s just one time. Just tonight.

“There’s a good boy, doing what you’re told.” He leaned in, grinning. He pulled the hair tie keeping Sanji’s bun in place. As the hair fell he ran his fingers through it. “I can tell you take good care of yourself.”

“Yeah, I try to,” Sanji forced, pulling his hair away and tossing it over his shoulder. He downed the rest of his drink. I need another drink if I’m going to do this. He loosened his tie, letting it hang around his neck. The man was signaling to the bartender for him. The second round hit the bar before he had time to think and the man was pushing the glass towards him again.

“Keeping yourself nice and clean,” he whispered close to Sanji’s ear, the hand not squeezing his thigh was on the small of his back and moving down. Sanji chugged his second drink. “So that someone like me can come along and make a mess of you.” The man pressed his lips to his neck and grabbed his ass.

“Okay!” Sanji yelped, bolting to his feet. “I actually think I’m gonna go now.” He went to talk a step but he felt off balance, the edges of his vision pulsing. He stumbled a few steps before he was falling, feeling like it was happening in slow motion. He hit the ground hard but didn’t feel it for what felt like a few minutes but couldn’t have been more than a couple seconds.

“I’m surprised you’re still awake, sweetheart,” the man laughed, kneeling down to grab him by the hair. “The dose I tossed in that first drink should have had you on your ass right away. You really are a special one, aren’t you?”

His head felt like it was full of cotton, sounds muffled and vision blurring. He tried to get himself to speak but all that came out was some garbled sounds. He forced his eyes to stay open, refusing to let whatever drug that was coursing through his system take him under. There was a flash of movement and the hand holding his head up let go, his skull thunking against the bar floor. He finally had to let his eyes close but he gripped to consciousness until there was a voice, gentle and familiar, telling him he was safe.

Zoro stalked behind Sanji to the bar. He watched as the blond sat and started talking with someone. Zoro slipped into a booth on the far side, eyes glued to the cook. He scowled as the man got closer, touching Sanji like he knew him. He gripped tight to Wado when the man moved to pin Sanji to the bar, almost jumping out of his seat but calmed himself when the man sat down again. Sanji can handle himself. He had to remind himself. He felt the anger boiling as the man kept going, touching where he pleased and Sanji let him. He was twitching when he undid his tie. He was standing, marching over when the man grabbed Sanji’s ass. Like hell I’m going to sit here and watch him do something this fucking stupid. 

And then Sanji was standing, then stumbling, then falling. Zoro stopped cold, not processing what he was seeing. There was no way Sanji was drunk after just two measly drinks. His heart sank and without a second thought he was zipping over when he heard the man laughing. He was zeroed in on his target and painting the bar red before the prick even knew what was happening. The only thing Zoro regretted was the way Sanji’s head knocked against the floor when he sliced through the man’s hand. He stood next to Sanji, glaring at the entire bar for a moment, daring anyone to say a damn word. He knelt down, pulling the cook into his arms.

“Shh. It’s okay, Curly. I’ve got you,” he whispered and Sanji’s body sagged like he’d given in. Zoro ran out of the bar and through the street. “Find the port. Find the port. Find the port. Where is the damn port?!”

“Hey Zoro, that you?” Franky called, rounding a corner. “That’s not good,” he said when he saw them. “Come on, let’s get back to the Sunny.”

Franky led the way as they raced through the streets. Franky used a mini transponder to call Chopper as they ran, relaying to the doctor that he had to meet them on board. Zoro was laying Sanji down on the hospital style bed in Chopper’s office when the reindeer got there.

“What happened?” Chopper demanded as he started to take Sanji’s vitals.

“Some kind of drug. I heard the guy say something about how he had to give Sanji more than normal,” Zoro responded. That’s when Chopper noticed the blood on Zoro’s shirt.

“That better be that guy’s blood,” Chopper scorned.

“It is.”

“Good. Then, get me the book on poisons and drugs. The purple one.” Chopper gestured to the small bookcase holding his most important medical encyclopedias. Zoro grabbed the book, setting it at Chopper’s desk as he came over.  Hooves flipped through pages, scanning each page quickly but thoroughly. “I’m likely going to need to take a blood sample,” he spoke to himself. He went to open the drawer that held his syringes but it stopped against Zoro’s leg. Chopper looked up, expecting the swordsman to move when he felt the drawer, but he was too busy staring at Sanji’s unconscious body. “Zoro.”

“Yeah?”

“Get out!” Chopper scolded. “It’s small enough in here as it is. I need room to work.”

“Oh, yeah okay.”

Zoro stepped outside of the door and planted himself, cross-legged, on the sopping wet deck. He didn’t move for the hour that Chopper was in his office, testing and searching. The rain poured down on him, soaking him through. He listened as Franky explained to the others, as they slowly returned, what was happening. Even when Nami tried to usher him inside to at least sit somewhere warm and dry, he refused. His crewmate was in danger and he could have interfered. He should have risked another argument with Sanji when his gut told him to step in the first time. A bit of rain wasn’t going to bother him nearly as much as what he was feeling now.

“He’s stable now,” Chopper said as he opened the door. “He’s asleep and I want him to stay that way until he wakes up on his own.” Zoro stood, turning to go into the office but Chopper stopped him. “I don’t care if you want to sit with him until he wakes up but first you are going to go put on clean dry clothes.”

“I’m fine, Chopper,” Zoro insisted. 

“Zoro, if you want access to my office you need to listen to me. Sanji will be fine for a few minutes while you go get changed. I don’t need you getting sick from sulking in the rain.”

“I’m not sulking. I don’t sulk.”

“Pouting, moping, brooding. Whatever you want to call it. I don’t care but you have to dry off.”

“Fine.”

Zoro turned and stomped off to the men’s quarters. He peeled his wet clothes off, tossing them in the direction of the hamper. He was pulling on a dry pair of pants when Sanji’s blanket caught his eye. He finished dressing before walking over to Sanji’s bunk. He folded the soft fabric and tucked it under his arm. He grabbed one of the umbrellas from beside the door before heading back over to the medical office. Chopper let him in this time without a fuss. Chopper had to take off Sanji’s jacket and button up to get to his arm for the IV that was currently flowing with the medication he needed. Zoro unraveled the blanket and covered Sanji with it before pulling the chair from Chopper’s desk up to the bed. He sat down, resting his head in his arms near Sanji’s hip, staring up the bed at the gentle rise and fall of his chest and the peaceful expression on his face.

“I’m going to go brief Luffy on Sanji’s condition. Let me know when he wakes up or his IV runs out,” Chopper informed.

“Okay,” Zoro replied, not looking away.

Chopper headed out of the room, quietly closing the door. Zoro stayed, barely moving, beside Sanji through the night. The only thing that drew him from the bedside was Chopper’s check-ins, coming to change the IV bag or take vitals. He only left the room once, while Chopper was there of course, to go to the bathroom and to fetch a few things. It was around sunrise when Sanji started to stir, causing Zoro to instantly straighten.

“Ugh…” he groaned, hand going to rub at his temple as he pushed up to his elbow. “I feel like shit.” He opened his eyes, confusion evident as he looked between his surroundings and swordsman. “What happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Zoro asked, helping him sit up. He handed him a glass of water that Sanji took thankfully, taking a long drink.

“We went shopping,” he started. “We were arguing and we got back to the ship.”

“Yeah,” Zoro confirmed as he began to peel one of the tangerines he’d brought in for when Sanji woke up. He held one of the wedges out and Sanji took it.

“After we put the groceries away I went to find a bar,” he continued in between bites that he allowed himself to be fed. “I was talking to this guy, he was being gross. I think I tried to leave but I don’t remember.”

“He drugged you,” Zoro said. His voice sounded pained and he wouldn’t meet Sanji’s eyes. He gripped the half of the tangerine he was holding so tightly that juice dripped down his arm.

“What happened?” Sanji asked again, more urgently with a hint of fear.

“Nothing,” Zoro responded quickly, realizing what Sanji must be thinking. He calmed himself and set the squished fruit down on the plate, wiping his hand. “I sliced his hand off before anything could happen.”

“How’d you know where I was? That I needed help?”

“I followed you, from the ship.”

Zoro could see that Sanji wanted to yell at him, scorn him for following him. But he couldn’t, not when Zoro had been there when he needed him. He looked around the room again, noticed the plate that held a couple of the sweet citrus and a bit of cheese, nuts, and crackers, the pitcher of water to refill the glass he still gripped, the blanket covering him that had been transferred from his own bed, the bag sitting on the floor that his hairbrush and a pair of pajamas was peaking out of.

“I have to go tell Chopper you’re awake,” Zoro said after the silence held too long. Before Sanji could reply Zoro was already out the door.

Sanji picked at the plate while he waited for the doctor to come in. Chopper smiled at him when he came in, happy to see Sanji doing okay. He went through a list of questions, checking for any lingering side effects of the drug. After taking his vitals one more time he gave Sanji a partial clear; he could leave the office and go about his day as usual but he had to take it easy and get as much rest as he could in between meals.

“Thanks for having all my stuff around and the food,” Sanji said as he picked his bag up off the floor.

“Oh, I didn’t do that. Zoro did,” Chopper said. “He said he knew you’d want to go straight to the shower when you woke up and that you’d be hungry. He stayed with you the whole time, you know.”

Sanji’s heart could explode at that moment. He knew that the swordsman cared deeply for the crew but this felt different and it wasn’t doing anything to help with his mission of ridding himself of his growing feelings. “He stayed in that chair all night? Just watching me sleep?”

“Yeah. Robin took over his night watch so he could sit in with you. He was really worried about you. I finally got him to agree to get some sleep since you’re awake now.”

“I’ll have to thank him then,” Sanji said, more to himself than to Chopper.

Sanji did indeed head straight to the shower. He felt the strong need to scrub every inch of his body thoroughly. He appreciated the soft cotton pajamas Zoro had packed for him, it was one of his favorite sets. It felt comforting and safe in the same way his well loved blanket did.

After brushing and braiding his hair, he gathered his things and headed down to put them away before starting on breakfast. He knew that Chopper would worry if he tried to make meals that were too extravagant today so he rearranged the ever changing menu he kept in his head. He’d keep it simple with things that didn’t take much prep and could be made in less than an hour.

It was a bit early when he was calling everyone to breakfast but just the bit of work he’d done had him exhausted. He realized quickly that the doctor wasn’t kidding when he told Sanji he’d be groggy for the rest of the day. He was doing his usual routine of passing drinks and making sure everyone was satisfied, even though he felt sluggish and his arm tired under the negligible weight of the drink tray. But before he could even get half way around the table the tray was taken from him.

“Go sit down,” Zoro ordered. His tone left no room for argument, and even if he wanted to, Sanji's body wouldn’t let him either. He slumped into his seat and let out a long yawn.

Zoro continued to hover throughout breakfast, watching Sanji carefully. The swordsman refused to let Sanji do anything more than instruct him from his seat on exactly what to do to make an extra pitcher of juice and how much soap to use to wash the dishes. By the time Zoro was finished, Sanji was starting to doze off on the couch.

“Come on,” Zoro said as he wiped his hands and set the hand towel on the counter. “Let’s go take a nap.”

Sanji stood, shaky on his feet, and let Zoro guide him to the familiar warmth of the bunks. He felt silly and childish when the swordsman tucked him in, swatting him away.

“I can do it,” he mumbled, pulling the blanket up his body to prove his point. “Give me my alarm clock.”

Zoro rolled his eyes but obliged. He knew he was pushing it with everything he was insistent on doing for the cook today, so he’d let him have this bit of self-sufficiency. He waited for Sanji to wind up the clock before taking it and placing it back in its spot. He climbed into his own bunk, still tired himself from the long night.

The day continued like that, through lunch and dinner, with Zoro a constant presence in Sanji’s space. He let him cook, staying firmly on the couch out of the way until it came time to call everyone in, at which point Zoro would take over, ushering Sanji to his seat. They’d eat and Zoro would clean up. They had another nap after lunch but by the end of dinner Sanji was feeling mostly back to normal and Zoro was getting ready for night watch.

“My sleep schedule is fucked now,” the blond stated when Zoro sat beside him on the couch.

“It’ll be back to normal soon. Probably a day or two,” Zoro replied. 

They sat awkwardly, close enough together that if one of them shifted they’d be touching but the space purposefully held. The air between them was heavy with words neither dared breath. The only sounds matching breathing and pulsing hearts. They glanced at each other and then quickly away. There was another moment, as both their faces heated.

“I’m sorry,” they both blurted together.

“Why are you sorry?” Sanji questioned.

“You got hurt because I didn’t act quick enough. If I had stepped in right away you would have been angry with me but you’d be safe.”

“I got hurt because I’m an idiot. I was too busy trying to prove something to myself that I let the first guy that paid me any attention push too far.”

“So you were looking for something in that bar?”

Sanji tensed, heart pounding. This was getting too close. “I was trying to get over something.” It was quiet again, both of them staring at their hands. Zoro sighed heavily.

“I question myself sometimes when it comes to the crew, but yesterday was worse. I want to step in, but I also want you all to hold your own, because I know you’re all capable. When he had you pushed up against the bar, I don’t know what that feeling was but it screamed inside me. I should have cut him to pieces right then, I was going to.”

“What stopped you?” This was easier, talking about Zoro instead of himself. He could see the way Zoro’s anger clouded his eyes as he thought about what happened.

“I figured that you knew what you were doing. I thought I was angry for nothing. If you wanted that kind of attention I had no right to intervene. I was just being…” he gestured vaguely as he spoke, still trying to name the thing that had him gripping Wado in the first place.

“And now I’m a burden to you, because I was seeking that kind of attention. You’ve done nothing but attend to me since.”

“You are not a burden,” he spoke firmly. Zoro hesitated to put his hand on Sanji’s shoulder, not wanting to make the other pull away but when his hand landed blue met steel in a flash of emotions. Zoro brushed away the bangs hanging in the way of seeing both of the shining irises. “You are important.”

Sanji was overwhelmed at this point, the contact too much for him to bear. He turned away, hand subconsciously moving up as if to protect his heart. He could feel the pressure building as he looked for an escape.

“I should let you get up to the crow’s nest,” he settled on. It was a weak excuse but he clung to it like a safety net. “It’ll be dark soon.”

Sanji stood quickly and was out the door, absconding. Zoro sat there a bit longer, suddenly frustrated. It felt as if something valuable and important had just slipped from his fingertips and it riled him up. He growled as he stood, determined to let his emotions flow out of him by way of intense work out. 

By morning the uncomfortableness had returned. Candy was back to pretending that she wasn’t ignoring Zoro again. But this time Zoro was ready for her game and decided he could play it too. Any interaction the two had was in full view of the crew and it was short, almost curt. An “Excuse me.” here and a “Thank you.” there. Never touching, never making eye contact, but always polite and on the edge of coldly formal. It was as if they went from nakama to distant coworkers overnight. The crew watched it go on for a few awkward, unbearable days before Nami pulled everyone aside after dinner.

“So something is extremely wrong, right?” she asked as the eight of them huddled together on the deck. Zoro had been spending most of his time in the crow’s nest working out while Candy hardly left the kitchen, scrubbing and rescrubbing every inch in between meals. 

“They’re acting worse than when they first got back,” Jimbe agreed.

“Yeah, because if you bring up one in front of the other they either look like they’re gonna kill you or they just walk away and ignore you,” Usopp pointed out.

“I just don’t understand,” Chopper said. “I thought everything was fine.”

“Well clearly not,” Robin said. “Something must have happened after cook-san got hurt.”

“We gotta do something!” Franky added.

“Yes, but what?” Brook asked.

“It’s really starting to bug me,” Luffy groaned. “I can’t have my friends acting like this. What if we just tell them to work it out?”

“I don’t think that’s going to work Luffy,” Nami said. “If they were going to work it out on their own they would have done it already. I think it’s time for a stealth mission.” She nodded seriously at Robin.

“You mean spy on them when they think they’re alone?” Brook inferred.

“Not just that,” Robin said. “But both of them are likely to open up to Nami if she presses them. She can do some more direct investigation while I see what I can find out.”

“Luffy, are you really okay letting the girls just spy on them?” Usopp checked.

“We have to make them friends again!” Luffy asserted, giving Robin and Nami all the clearance they needed.

“Hey Zoro,” Nami called as she came into the crow’s nest. It was late, the sun already well below the horizon. She carried a bottle of sake with her.

“What?” he snapped. “Shouldn’t you be getting your all important beauty sleep?”

“No need to be so rude. I brought you something after all. Is it wrong of me to want to talk to my friend?”

She sat near the window, offering the bottle to Zoro as he approached and sat beside her.

“What do you really want?” he questioned, taking the bottle and taking a swig.

“Can’t a girl just spend time with someone?”

“A normal girl, yes. You, no. Cut to the chase before I finish this bottle.”

“Fine. You and Candy are causing problems and I’m giving you one chance to explain yourself to me before I let Luffy start asking questions.” She crossed her arms as Zoro almost choked.

“It’s none of your or Luffy’s business and how can we be causing problems when we’re hardly even speaking to each other?”

“So you admit, you two aren’t speaking.”

“Evil witch!” Zoro growled, standing to pace around the room as he drank. “Would you prefer us to be fighting all the time again? I tried being patient, I tried being nice. I spent a whole day worried sick about her, which is more than she deserves, and how does she thank me? By going back to pretending I don’t exist. Well that’s just fine because the next time she needs someone I won’t be there.”

“You don’t mean that,” Nami stated, pinning him with a sharp glare. 

Zoro gulped down the rest of the bottle and wiped his mouth on the back of his arm. “I thought things were going to be normal again. We were talking after dinner the other night and she just freaked out. Maybe I shouldn’t have touched her, maybe it was too soon.”

“Tell me exactly what happened,” Nami said, patting the seat next to her. To her relief Zoro sat, leaning back.

“We were talking about what happened at the bar, why she went there and what I was feeling watching what happened. And then she was doing that self guilt thing again. She wouldn’t look at me so I put my hand on her shoulder and waited until she was paying attention to tell her she was being an idiot. And then she just made up a shitty excuse about how late it was and took off.”

“And then the next morning she was back to ignoring you?”

“Yup, so I’m doing it right back. I don’t know what she’s getting at, acting like this, but I’m not going to sit by and feel like that again.”

“Like what?” She was prying, trying to get just a little bit more out of him.

“Like… like…” he growled, scratching at his head. “I’m someone for her to be afraid of. At first it made sense, she was worried I didn’t fully forgive her for what she did. But now, I don’t know. How could she still think that? Does she think I’m going to do something? Doesn’t she feel safe around me? Why else would she avoid me?” His eyes felt watery.

“I’m sure it’s not like that,” Nami comforted, leaning close to wrap an arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry you’re hurting again.”

“Thanks witch,” he joked. Letting his feelings out to her had made him feel a bit better and knowing that she might be able to help made things seem lighter.

“What’d you get?” Nami asked once her and Robin were back in their room.

“Not much,” she confessed. “All I could hear was her mumbling to herself while she cleaned. But she was definitely cussing out Zoro in her head. I caught ‘stupid marimo’ quite a bit, along with a lot of violent sounding words in a language that, if I had to guess, is from the North Blue. You?”

“Zoro’s retaliating. He feels hurt so he’s doing the same thing back to her. I’ll talk to her in the morning, see if I can get something out of her.”

“Nami, dear, what can I do for you?” Sanji asked when Nami sat at the counter.

“You can start by telling me what’s going on with you?” she said bluntly.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” he said, even as he paused what he’d been doing. 

“So, if I brought Zoro in here, you wouldn’t care?” She raised an eyebrow with a disbelieving scowl. “How about you don’t lie to my face.”

He bristled, turning as if the stove was suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. “There’s nothing to talk about when it comes to that dumbass. Même s’il est beau.”

“Fine.” She scribbled down what she thought he said. “Then let’s talk about what you were doing at that sleazy bar. Because no one in their right mind would have chosen that bar out of all the bars in the city.”

“I wanted a drink. It was the first bar I saw.”

“You can make better drinks blindfolded than whatever they had there. Two strikes, Sanji. Say something stupid to me again.”

“Fine, I was trying to get over something.”

“Something? What’s so bad you had to go somewhere like that instead of talking to one of us?”

“It doesn’t matter now, okay? I’m over it, really. I’ll apologize to mosshead, if that’s what you’re worried about. Things can go back to normal,” he assured, then to himself he whispered, “Je ne veux pas qu’il me brise le cœur.”

“Good, because I’m tired of you two acting like this,” she scolded as she tried her best to transcribe what she heard. “If you two are still being insufferable by the end of the day, we’re going to have a real problem.”

“Understood,” he sighed. He waited until she had gone to let his body react. He gripped his arms, squeezing to ground himself as he closed his eyes and took breaths that sounded like they were painful. “Damnit.” What am I going to do?

Sanji was keenly aware of the crew watching him and Zoro all through breakfast. He could feel their eyes boring into him and he knew that they all knew something was very wrong. He wished they would just talk to each other, let him fade into the background. Zoro seemed unbothered by the looks, scarfing down his meal without a care for the prying looks. Then he was standing, wiping his mouth and stalking out of the room with a slam of the door. Sanji took the chance, while everyone was turned to watch Zoro go, to jump out of his seat and beeline for the back door that led through Chopper’s office. It was definitely time for a smoke break to clear his head.

Sanji was in no way stalling, if you asked him. The dishes really did need to be rewashed and the floor needed to be swept and mopped. And it surely was not a possibility that he decided to do a detailed inventory of the pantry only to prolong the inevitably terrible conversation he’d have to have. He really did need to do all of those things, urgently, if you asked him. 

But it was far too soon that he found himself delivering lunches around the Sunny while everyone worked on their own separate projects so that he wouldn’t have to suffer through another embarrassing mealtime. And then he was standing at the base of the foremast, staring up at the crow’s nest, at his impending doom. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re stalling, cook-san,” Robin said pointedly. “And our dear swordsman’s food must be getting cold while you stand here.”

“I’m not stalling,” he defended, but could think of no further excuse.

“Well then, up you go. No need to stay talking with me.” She gave him a gentle nudge forward.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else you need from me, before I go up there? I may be a while,” he blabbered.

“Now that you mention it,” she began. “What is that language you speak to yourself from time to time. I’ve heard you muttering before and it sounds quite elegant. I’d like to add it to my repertoire, if you don’t mind.”

“Français? Umm…” he scratched his chin, trying to remember the common name for the language. “French. It was my mother’s native language. Are you sure that’s all you need? I could stay and teach you a few phrases if you like.”

“No,” Robin ushered. “That’s alright. You have more important things to attend to right now. I can do a bit of research on my own for now. I might already have a book or two in the library. Languages are my specialty, after all.”

Sanji steeled himself as Robin left. He debated going back to the kitchen to warm the food back up but he could see Nami watching him from across the deck. She would be disappointed and potentially furious if he put this conversation off any further. He sky walked up, knocking on the hatch. It didn’t take long for Zoro to open up. He tried to take the plate and slam the hatch closed but Sanji was already pushing his way up.

“We have to talk,” Sanji started.

“Now you want to talk?” Zoro growled. “Well I don’t. So why don’t you go fuck yourself.”

“Real mature, mosshead.” Sanji crossed his arms, shoe tapping on the floorboards. Zoro slammed the plate down, resisting the urge to hurl it at the cook’s face. 

“Mature? You want to talk about mature? How mature have you been lately? I don’t think you’ve made a single mature decision in almost a month.” He stomped over, shoving his finger into Sanji’s chest and practically spitting in his face. “And not once have you thought about anyone but yourself. It’s all about your jealousy, your insecurities, your fears. You, you, you. But what about everyone else? Huh? What about…” He cut himself off with an angry huff.

“Hey, I know I fucked up but I’ve been trying, okay? This isn’t easy for me.” He stepped back a couple of paces, fists clenched at his sides now as he started to feed off of Zoro’s anger, his own fire growing. 

“Yes, it must be so fucking hard for you.” He followed Sanji, backing him up against the wall. “The way everyone has been so careful not to hurt you because your stupid self-hatred made it impossible for you to not be a raging prick.” He was back in his face, shouting. “And now that you’ve realized no one but you gives a single fuck what anyone is, we have to be happy for you to catch up. Well, congratulations, you did at 22 what I did at 10.” He shoved him hard, watching him bounce off the wall. “I’m tired of being patient for the sake of your fragile ego. So if you’re here to give a half-assed apology just because Nami asked you to, you can shove it.”

“Zoro, I…” Before he could get anything out a sharp pain radiated from his cheek. His ear rang from the force of the hit. “Did you just slap me?” He looked up in confusion, taking in the pained look on Zoro’s face. Out of everything he was prepared for, being slapped across the face wasn’t one of them. He’d even expected to have a sword drawn on him but this felt different, personal in a way that was confirmed by the tears and redness he saw in that gray gaze.

“You’re a selfish bastard. I don’t know what I did to make you hate me so much that you’d treat me the way you have but if this is how you really feel about me then I want nothing to do with you. Now get out.”

“I don’t hate you,” Sanji protested, reaching out despite the emotional hurt that curled in his chest. But Zoro pulled away, turning his back on the cook.

“Just get out!”

“You forgave me before. You said so. I’m not perfect, you know? Why is now any different?” Sanji yelled back.

“Because you’re being a dick on purpose now! You couldn’t have known what was in that box or what it meant for me. But now you are choosing to ignore me and pretend that you’re not. If you needed time, if you felt guilty or upset, I’d understand if you just told me. But you aren’t even brave enough to acknowledge what you’re doing. You are a coward, Sanji. And I will not let you get away with what you’ve done. I will not easily forgive you again.” 

Zoro gripped tightly to Wado, like a child with a stuffed bear. His back was still to Sanji but the cook could hear the waver in his voice, the pain in every word. When he finished there was but the sounds of a man broken and trying not to show it. And yet again Sanji had to bear the realization of the hurt he put this man through. 

“Do you really want me to go?” he asked, hoping that the answer would be anything but what he knew it would be.

“Yes.”

Sanji walked over to the hatch, stepping down. He took one more look at Zoro but the swordsman didn’t look back. He closed the door and made his way down to the deck. He could feel Nami’s eyes on him as he made his way back to the kitchen to lock himself in the pantry.

“Je suis vraiment un idiot,” he muttered as he slid to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest.

“Well?” Nami asked, sitting beside Robin in the library.

“That didn’t go as we’d hoped I’m afraid,” Robin reported, releasing her power. She walked over to the paper Nami had brought to her that morning and added another line to it. “Let’s see what we can find on this end.”

Nami and Robin searched the section of the library where the language books Robin collected were shelved. They started with the part of the shelf that held the books Robin hadn’t gotten to yet and found a couple of translation guides.

“I’ll look in this one,” Nami said, taking the smaller book and sitting down. Robin sat with her, the list of foreign words between them as they flipped through the pages of their books.

Zoro waited until Sanji had gone before sinking to the floor. There was an unfamiliar tightness in his chest as he fought off the sobs that threatened to rack his body. It’s fine. I’m fine. He tried to assure himself, desperate not to feel the pain that gripped him. There was something different about the emotions he was having now, the betrayal cutting deeper. Why does this hurt so much? 

It made no sense to him, a confusing cacophony of anger, despair, and fear overlaid with something green and ugly. He replayed the events leading up to this moment, everything that drove to the sting that still clung to his palm. It had been an uncharacteristic outburst, a physical representation of what Sanji had put him through. It had been cathartic in the moment, a vengeful part of him satisfied with the way Sanji’s eyes had widened with that confused, pained expression. But most of him felt terrible, regret flooding him. How could I do that? I hit him. I hit one of my crewmates because I couldn’t control my anger.

 “Hey, Sanji!” Luffy called as he looked around the galley. “It’s almost dinner time! I’m hungry!”

Sanji sat in the dark of the pantry, the world outside a fuzzy, distant place. He could hear Luffy but it sounded far away. The thought of pulling himself up from the floor was entirely too much, so even as the handle to the door beside him shook he stayed curled there. Even as the lock gave way and light that was far too bright poured in, all he could manage was to curl himself tighter, letting his mussed up hair curtain around him like a shield. Footsteps sounded beside him, cutting through the haze of his mind. A strong hand reached out, touching his arm in a careful way.

“Sanji,” that bright voice called again, a lighthouse in a storm. 

He looked up at Luffy. And it felt too vibrant, like looking at this man who always forgave, always helped, was like looking directly into the sun. He felt that wave of guilt trying to swallow him whole once more and turned away.

“I’ll start dinner right now, captain,” he murmured.

Luffy didn’t press or pry. He just helped Sanji to his feet. He sat at the bar, watched as Sanji moved around the kitchen. He talked, filled the air with nonsense about bugs and fighting moves and childish ideas, so that Sanji didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts. He demanded nothing but a hot meal and offered nothing but his presence. For a bit, Sanji almost felt normal, like things were back to how they used to be. At any moment the crew would start coming in and Sanji imagined them all laughing and talking together. He imagined snapping at Zoro to have more manners and bickering with him like they used to. It stung, knowing that things might never be that way again. He wanted nothing more than to be able to talk with his rival without either of them getting hurt.

“Luffy,” he said at last. “I really messed up. I don’t think I can fix it this time.”

“Did you try?” Luffy asked.

“Of course I did.”

“No, like really try Sanji!” He leaned across the counter. “Did you really, really try?”

“I don’t know what I can do. He won’t listen to me,” he complained. “Je ne sais pas si je peux lui dire la vérité.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Luffy said with a perplexed expression. 

“I do,” Robin said from the doorway, book in hand.

“Robin!” Sanji whirled around, heart pounding. “I enjoy your company very much, you know that, but please stop sneaking up on me.”

“Sanji, you are an idiot,” Nami said, coming in behind Robin. She slammed a piece of paper on the counter. Sanji took it, looking it over. He cringed at the poor attempts of spelling in his second language but felt his eyes widen as he pieced the butchered sentences together. He looked up at Nami and Robin, swallowing dryly.

“What…what do you think these mean?” he asked, eyeing them nervously.

“Well the first one here,” Nami tapped. “Is pretty similar to this sentence here.” She took the open book from Robin, flipping to a bookmarked page. She held it up for Sanji to see.

“The next one is kind of sad, cook-san. You need not be that afraid to express your feelings,” Robin added. She could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t need her to prove that she had translated it correctly.

“What are you guys talking about?” Luffy asked.

“It’s part of our mission, captain,” Robin smiled.

“What mission?” Sanji asked. “I said this while I was alone…” He pointed to the last sentence on the page before looking back up at the group with anguish. “You were spying on me.”

“To be fair,” Nami said. “We were spying on Zoro too.”

“Well, whatever you think you know, it’s probably wrong.”

“I don’t think it is, Sanji. Besides, you did say that your type was brave, kind, handsome, and rugged. Remember? Does that sound like someone we know?” Nami looked every bit like the cat that her nickname implied. Anytime she knew she had the upper hand she turned insufferable and now was no different. 

“You really do need to try speaking to him again,” Robin said. “We are prepared to sit with you this time, to help mediate. This needs to be resolved, even if you aren’t quite ready to disclose your true feelings.”

“Oh!” Luffy yelled, the lightbulb going off in his brain. “Sanji! You like Zoro!”

“Shut up Luffy!” Sanji launched himself across the counter, trying to silence the loudmouthed man, but it was all in vain as the rest of the crew was rolling in together at that moment. Sanji stood there, mortified, at the collective jaw drop. The only saving grace was that the swordsman wasn’t with them, likely avoiding joining until the very last moment or even asleep somewhere. “He’s crazy. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“Sanji, you should leave the lying to Usopp,” Franky joked.

“Seriously?!” Usopp growled. “We’ve been dealing with all this for days because you can’t handle being attracted to someone?!”

“Does that mean you guys are gonna make up and be okay again?” Chopper asked.

Sanji was about to answer but the smell of the food starting the char alerted him and he had to turn away. He was thankful to the food for being a great distraction from a conversation he’d rather die than have right now. He focused on finishing dinner, even as he listened to the others talk about and to him about his feelings for Zoro.

“None of you are to say a single thing about this to him. I mean it, not a word,” Sanji begged as he started serving them.

“A word to who about what?” Zoro barked from behind him.

Sanji spun to see him, arms crossed in anger. Sanji looked to the crew for back up, for any of them to save him. But the ones who weren’t eating up the drama of the situation were too busy trying not to look suspicious. He turned back to face Zoro, face heating with every passing second.

“Are you going to yell at me again?” Sanji asked, looking down at his own hands as he fiddled with the hem of his vest.

“Depends on what you’re telling everyone not to tell me. I was going to apologize for snapping at you earlier, but now I’m not sure if I should.”

“Why don’t you say what you want to say first and then I’ll go,” Sanji said, hoping to postpone this incredibly awkward moment. He watched Zoro look past him, to where Nami sat. He looked too, just in time to see her nod, signaling that Zoro should go along for now.

“Fine. I let my anger get the best of me earlier. I said things I didn’t mean. I was lashing out because…” Zoro looked around the room, clearly uncomfortable that everyone else was witnessing this. “Because you hurt me.” He gritted it out, trying to make it so only Sanji could hear. “But it was still unfair of me to act that way.”

“I deserved it,” Sanji sighed. “I was being all those things you said. Especially a coward. The truth is,” he chewed at his lip, anxiety building. “I wasn’t ready to confront all of these new feelings I’ve been having, or…well… noticing actually.”

“I remember what it felt like to be where you are. I shouldn’t be so hard on you about it.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have been avoiding you. Let me make it up to you?”

“You can make it up to me by telling me whatever it is that is making Luffy make his ‘definitely not hiding something’ face.”

“Yeah, about that…” Sanji rubbed the back of his neck. He was sweating, truly nervously sweating. “Can we go outside?” Zoro nodded and the two left. Sanji leaned on the railing, lighting a cigarette and taking a hit before continuing. “I told you how when I went to that bar I was trying to get over something. It was more of a someone. I thought that if I… this sounds so stupid now.” He hung his head.

“Hey, it’s fine. Keep going,” Zoro encouraged.

“I thought that if I hooked up with a guy I’d realize I didn’t actually really want to be with a guy. Then things would be a little simpler and I could stop thinking about…someone.”

“So, you have a crush on someone and it’s bothering you that it’s a guy because?”

“Because, if he didn’t like me back, things could be really weird. Or if we did try and we broke up it could cause problems. I don’t even know if he’d like someone like me. And I don’t want him to think I’m like… experimenting with him. He’d hate me for that.”

“Well, if you ask me, whoever it is would be damn lucky to have you. You’d probably do something ridiculously sappy like cook his favorite meal every day and buy him flowers and shit. And the type of guy you said you’re into probably doesn’t get that from anyone. I know I’d appreciate it if a cute guy fawned over me the way I’ve seen you fawn over the girls you like.”

“You’d like someone to buy you flowers?” Sanji asked, tilting his head to eye Zoro. Zoro just shrugged.

“Yeah, why not? But no guy I’ve been with ever thought I’d like romantic shit so I just don’t expect it. But whoever you like will probably get it all the time once you pull your head out your ass and just tell him.”

“You sound jealous,” Sanji laughed.

“I don’t get jealous,” Zoro scowled, but something in him clicked, like a piece of a puzzle falling into place. That feeling he’d felt in the bar had a name and he’d known it all along.

“Well, we should probably go eat. The food's getting cold.”

“Yeah, if Luffy left us anything.”

To Sanji’s relief no one asked anything when they came back to eat. Nami ushered the others out when Sanji shook his head at her raised brow so that Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper wouldn’t reveal what they knew. Sanji was already forming a plan anyway so Nami only had to keep them away from Zoro and quiet for a bit longer.

The next morning Sanji pulled Nami aside, inviting her into the kitchen while he made breakfast while tasking Robin and Franky with babysitting the crewmembers that were a danger to his plan.

“It’s going to be beautiful. Do you think Robin will let me have some of her flowers? And can you help me get ready?” Sanji asked, dancing around the kitchen in excitement in a way he hadn’t done in a while.

“Oh my gosh!” Nami jumped up and down. “So you’re really going to tell him? Tonight?”

“Do you think the sky will be clear?” 

“I’ll personally make sure nothing goes wrong. You will be beautiful, the sky will be beautiful, the flowers, everything. Not a single one of those idiots will mess this up. In fact, outside of meals they can stay down in the workshops. I’m sure Franky can put them to good work so that there’s absolutely no way they can spoil things.”

“Thanks Nami-swan. And I’m sorry I’ve been making everyone’s lives difficult lately.”

“You are forgiven.”

True to her word, Nami banished half the crew to the very bottom floor after breakfast. She even insisted that lunch be another delivery day, claiming she had a lot of work to do and didn’t want to be bothered. With Zoro napping and everyone out of trouble, Nami and Robin were free to assist in Sanji’s romantic plans.

“I need to know what dress you’re going to wear so I can match your makeup to it,” Nami said as she was pulling the stool from her vanity over to the bed.

It was the afternoon. Dinner was in the oven, a nice roast that would cook slow enough to give the girls plenty of time to give Candy a full makeover. They had invited her to their room, an invitation she didn’t take lightly. She brought a garment bag with her and at Nami’s question she unzipped it for her to see.

“It was kind of an impulse purchase. Ivankov was all too happy to encourage me though.”

“You’re going to look stunning,” Robin said. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

Candy sat on the stool with Nami in front of her, crisscrossed on the bed ready to do her makeup, and Robin standing behind her to do her hair. They sipped wine as they worked, the room bubbly with excitement. It was fun, spending time together like that. Candy felt like she was connecting to a part of herself she hadn’t known was there, a sense of girlhood that was sweet and soft.

“Can I do your nails too?” Nami asked. “Please?”

“I can’t. It’s a health hazard for the food. I can’t risk the polish flaking off while I’m cooking,” Candy replied.

“What about press-ons? I have a spare set. You can take them off afterwards. And that way you don’t have to hold perfectly still either. Nami can paint them before you put them on,” Robin offered.

“Yeah, that would be okay.”

Robin retrieved the small box while Nami grabbed a couple bottles of polish. Once Nami was set up Robin showed Candy to their bathroom so she could have some privacy to change. 

“Robin,” Candy called, peeking through the door. “Could you help me? I’m still not very good at getting these zippers on my own.”

“Of course. It can be a bit tricky, especially the dainty little ones.”

Robin gave Candy a once over after helping her into her dress to make sure none of the hairdo or makeup was disturbed in the changing process. She helped Candy with her jewelry while Nami was putting the finishing touches on the nails. 

“It’s almost time,” Nami buzzed. They had finished getting Candy ready and were making sure everything was set up properly. Nami smoothed out a corner of the blanket. “I’m going to go keep Zoro busy. Robin, you signal me once everyone else is settled in for dinner so we can make sure none of the others disrupt the moment.”

“Are you ready?” Robin asked Candy.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” she nodded, grip on the bouquet tightening slightly.

Nami headed up to the crow’s nest while Robin went to call the others to dinner. Candy sat there next to the helm, heart pounding. She heard the others make their way into the galley. Then she saw Nami and Zoro coming down the mast.  Nami had apparently made Zoro tie his bandana over his eyes, not that it did much if he used his observation haki. She led him up to the edge of the picnic blanket.

“Okay, wait right here. And no peeking,” Nami commanded.

“This better be a damn good surprise,” Zoro grumbled.

Nami nodded to Candy and headed off to join the others for dinner. Candy waited until she was out of sight before standing, wobbly from nerves and the heels, and walking up in front of the swordsman. She took a deep breath and straightened the flowers in her hand.

“You can look now,” she murmured.

“Cook?” Zoro questioned, reaching up to take the makeshift blindfold off. As his eye opened the sight took his breath away. A soft blanket was laid out on the deck with candles flickering next to a bottle of white wine. Two plates sat in perfect place settings across from each other, filled with freshly made sushi, which definitely wasn’t what he’d been smelling cooking for the last few hours. And of course, Candy stood there, gorgeous in an emerald green cocktail dress that hugged her figure. “What’s… what’s going on?”

“There’s this guy that I like,” Candy started. “He’s incredibly handsome and amazingly strong. And he gets on my last nerve. He’s really annoying. But he hasn’t been lately, and I kind of miss it. He told me he’d like to be fawned over by someone like me, so I’m being brave and telling him how I feel. I understand if he doesn’t but I hope he likes me back. Do you think he will?” She held out the flowers to him.

“I think he’d be an idiot not to,” Zoro grinned, taking the flowers in one hand and reaching out with the other to grab her by the waist and pull her in. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” she giggled. “God yes.”

Zoro leaned in, eyeing those soft painted lips. His lips met hers in a smooth movement, a passionate dance. It felt like fireworks. And then it sounded like fireworks, and cheering. The two pulled apart in mutual bewilderment. High above them flashes of color filled the sky while across the way their friends cheered from the balcony.

“I didn’t plan that part,” Candy admitted, face burning bright. “They’re insufferable.”

“Well, they can watch if they want but that sushi isn’t the only thing that looks delectable tonight. I’m sure they’ll find something else to do before we finish our dinner though.”

“Zoro!” Candy whacked his arm lightheartedly. “I’m not that easy. You’re going to have to work for that.”

“I’ve never been afraid of a little hard work.”

The two of them sat, talking and enjoying each other's company. It felt normal, easy for them to fall into. As they were finishing the last of the wine, Zoro scooted closer and reached out to brush Candy’s bangs aside. He leaned in, kissing her softly.

“Please, just a taste. Let me thank you for tonight,” he whispered in her ear, stroking her cheek as he kissed her neck.

“I-I don’t know,” she muttered, heart rate picking up. “Haven’t thought about doing that… with you yet.” She watched the way he looked at her, gentle, like she might break. Or worse, like she might run again if he pushed too far. She felt his presence shift, not pulling away completely just yet but back off, hand hovering instead of touching. He was waiting, she realized, to see what she would do, what she wanted. Her hand trembled as she reached up, pressing his hand back against her cheek. She kissed his palm, willing herself to calm. “You’ll stop? If I ask?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?” he spoke, not offended, but confused as if the thought of not listening to her boundaries never crossed his mind.

“Not here though,” she said, standing. “Let’s go up to the crow’s nest.”

Zoro stood, started to turn towards the steps that lend down to the base of the mast, when there were hands on him and then he was scooped up in Candy’s arms. She sky walked them up, his arms around her shoulders.

“I should be the one carrying you, you know,” Zoro pointed out. “Wouldn’t want anyone else to see up your dress.”

“Shit!” she cursed, shifting him to one arm so she could hold the dress tightly against herself with the other. “I forgot about that.”

She rushed through the air as quickly as possible, embarrassment painting her face a bright red. She got them inside and immediately dropped Zoro to adjust her dress.

“Well, you don’t have to worry now,” Zoro laughed. “I’m going to see everything soon enough.”

He reached up from the floor where he landed to pull her down with him. She landed on top of him, her legs spreading to straddle his lap causing her dress to ride up, barely covering her anymore. Her hands slammed down on either side of his head to hold herself up. One of his hands gripped her waist while the other went to attempt to free her hair from its styling. 

“Stupid marimo!” Candy growled, whacking his shoulder. She reached to tug at the hem of her dress. “Why would you do that?” She looked down at his stupidly smug face and felt the familiar pressure of an unavoidable nosebleed.

“Because I wanted you in my lap. Thought that was obvious, Curly,” he teased, raising up on his elbows to get closer. She sat up, pressing a hand to her nose as she felt a small trickle start. He followed, hands on her waist to steady her and pull her fully against him. “You seem to be enjoying yourself.”

He grinded up, feeling the way she was filling out below the dress. He watched as her nosebleed worsened, grinning at the way her eyes fluttered at the friction and the sweet stuttering moan that he pulled from her as he leaned in the work a hickey into her neck.

“W-wait! Slow down!” she called. As she tried to take a moment to compose herself she felt immediate regret as he followed her request, hips stopping their movement. She took a deep breath and waited a second for her nosebleed to stop. When she opened her eyes she was face to face with his steady gaze.

“Do you want to stop?” he asked softly, one hand reaching up to wipe away a bit of blood that leaked past her fingers.

“No. I want to keep going,” she assured, rutting down against him. “It’s just so much, having you touch me like this.”

“If you think this is a lot, just wait until I get under your dress,” he said smugly. His hand ran up her leg, reaching under the edge of her dress to grab at her panty-clad ass.

“Hey!” she yelped in surprise, blushing so brightly she felt the need to hide her face.

“I knew a pretty thing like you would have a perfect ass. But that’s something for another day. I think I’ve teased you long enough.”

He wrapped his free arm around her shoulders to tip her back. As her back met the floor his grip on her ass loosened so he could pull her underwear down her long powerful legs. He left them wrapped around her calves as he shoved her dress up just enough to free her cock. Her hips jumped at the air hitting her.

“Just lay back and relax,” Zoro hummed, eyes trained hungrily on the twitching member in front of him. He pinned her hips down and dove in, licking a long strip up the underside.

“Z-Zoro!” she moaned, hands scrambling for purchase in his short hair. 

He took his time, listening to the whining sounds she let out. He reveled in watching her fall apart as he did nothing more than lick and kiss at her dick. He savored every drop of precum that dribbled out of her. His grip on her stayed steady, refusing to let her buck up into him.

“Please,” she finally whimpered. “Just… could you just…I-I need it.” She was babbling, tugging on his hair like a life line. The sharp pain in his scalp made his mind float and he rumbled out a moan.

“Hang on, beautiful, and I’ll give you what you need,” he assured, giving her hips a squeeze. “I’m gonna let go and you’re not going to worry about me. I can handle it, okay? So just let yourself go.”

He gave her a devilish grin before taking her into his mouth. He worked his way down a bit and then let go of her. At once her hips bucked up into his mouth while her hands held his head in place. For a moment she felt bad but as she looked down at him she noticed the look in his eyes. He was swallowing around her as he tried to moan, sending vibrations through her. She looked at the way his hand disappeared into his pants, moving in an unmistakable way. Before long he was consistently getting all the way to the base.

“I’m not going to last much longer,” she warned, back bowing. 

His free hand came up to fondle her balls, pushing her closer to the edge. Her hands tugged meanly at his hair as he sucked hard on the head of her cock. She bucked up one last time, burying her dick deep as she released down his throat. When she got too sensitive she pulled him off, both of them panting.

“How was that, Curls?” Zoro smirked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Instead of answering, she pulled him flush to her and kissed him. It was long and slow as their lips danced together lazily. Their hands caressed each other, gentle and almost reverent. 

“Do you want me to,” she started, eyeing him up and down.

“No,” he interrupted. “I mean,” he mumbled, turning away. “I already, you know…” he trailed off.

“Oh,” she chuckled, making him pull away. “Aw, come on Mossy. I didn’t mean it like that.”

He sat back, arms crossed. He refused to look at her, face red with embarrassment. 

“How did you mean it then, asshole?” he grumbled.

“I just meant,” she began, reaching out to gently turn his face towards her. “I’m a little surprised.” 

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been with anyone, okay?” he growled defensively, even as he leaned into her touch. “I couldn’t help myself.”

Despite her soft touch there was a teasing gleam in her eye. “I could tell. Such a naughty boy. Bet you thought I wouldn’t notice when you shoved your hand down your pants.”

She kissed his cheek, her hand going up to pet his hair. He glared at her but made no move to stop her.

“You’re insufferable,” he huffed, pinching her cheeks. “Stupid cook.”

“Right back at you marimo!” They glared at each other the same old way they always did. The world falling back into place made them both smile, letting their foreheads fall together. “Is it weird that I really missed this?”

“No. What’s weird is that your panties are still hanging off your ankle,” he barked a laugh.

She pulled the offending garment off and tossed it at him before standing to stomp with a click of her heels. She leaned over him, annoyance pulling at her features.

“You’re lucky I don’t kick your stupid handsome face in.”

He rolled his eye, smirking up at her. He shoved her out of his way as he got up. He kissed her forehead, dropping her panties back in her hand.

“Get yourself together so I can help you down to the bath, okay? I know it’s getting close to your bedtime,” he teased. “So unless you want to spend the night up here like this,” he gestured to her debauched form, hair and makeup a mess and clothing out of place, “I suggest you be a little nicer.”

“I think I’ve been plenty nice to you today, blockhead,” she huffed as she straightened herself out.

Once she was decent he wasted no time in wrapping his hands around her waist from behind and hoisting her up to sit on his broad shoulder. She startled for a moment before adjusting, crossing her legs gracefully.

“You comfy princess?” he joked as he started down the mast.

“Sh-shut up!” she hissed, blushing slightly.

It wasn’t long before Zoro was standing beside Sanji’s bunk, kissing him goodnight.

“Sleep tight,” he whispered.

“Goodnight Zoro,” Sanji murmured with a grin.

“Goodnight Sanji.”