Chapter Text
It had been 8 weeks since they captured Toni, 5 since they made her a part of the system again, and 3 since Katie left the apartment.
Her reason?
It was one thing for Bill to be in the FBI, a completely different one for him to be working with the CIA; the agency had a bad reputation, a worse reputation than the Bureau, and she couldn't go on like that.
She left the ring on the table, told him she would give him his share of the deposit for the new apartment, packed her bags and left him, sitting on the couch; such was her urgency to leave that she told him to keep the living room and the bedroom; her kitchen utensils, dining room, and chairs had been dispatched by a moving company the day she broke the engagement, the fateful day where not only did he lose the woman he had been with for over 15 years... but he also understood that perhaps, the love was over.
Was it painful?
Of course.
Did he cry?
Like a strong man who cannot show what he feels because his job has forged him that way, he cried all night, well, until he fell asleep, but he didn't cry alone; someone else was there with him.
They knew things had gotten somewhat cold after the events of his quasi-kidnapping by Kostov; he had to be honest, she was the woman he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, but was she still his better half?
The truth is Bill was beginning to believe something was happening, something worrying, because now he cared about what Colin said. Being honest, even his suits were now mostly in Colin's favorite colors; he worried if his partner would notice the pattern of his tie or if he wore a sweater, he would say something.
That is why, when Katie left, he called in sick and didn't answer any of his phones; he would have more days to explain, not only the broken engagement, but also why it was so important that his new partner—someone completely and utterly reckless, who cared about no one—told him he looked good, bad, or that he was doing well or poorly in operations.
Gina called twice, he didn't want to answer; Colin called 4 times, he was tempted, but he didn't want him to hear him cry. Nikki just sent a message saying that if he didn't want to answer it was fine, but to at least show signs of life; he only answered her, "I'm here, tomorrow everything will be fine." Jubal he did have to answer; his mentor, boss, and friend heard him sob a little, told him to take another day, that he understood what was happening, because even though they never made it official, they had been living together for many years, that it would be complicated, but he wasn't alone, to let him know if he needed more time, because his new position dictated that he be at 100%, he couldn't go around distracted, he didn't want to lose him, not just as an agent, but as a friend; the man had already lost too many operatives and friends to tolerate one more.
Colin called again, he didn't answer; a large part of what he was feeling was his fault, the guilt was eating him up, how it didn't hurt him that much to lose the one he thought was the love of his life, the woman he was about to marry, but it weighed on him not to answer his "obnoxious" partner. What he never imagined was that this "obnoxious" character would show up directly at his apartment.
He genuinely thought it was a joke when he told him he had an extra key to his apartment; to what degree of paranoia did the Agency's spies live.
He heard the lock open; he thought Katie was coming back for more things. For a fraction of a second, he thought about what would happen if she wanted to come back, to fix everything, would he want to? Imagine his surprise when he realized it wasn't Katie; it was a tall figure, clad in a leather jacket, with a bottle under his arm, a bottle whose ounce would cost more than a car payment.
"But what the h..." Bill blurted out.
"Shh, shh, Boy Scout, I don't know who you think you are, but in this line of work, you answer the calls of your worried partner," he said as he walked towards him, "because yeah, for a moment I thought you had been kidnapped, until Nikki said you were alive but sick."
He sat next to a Bill who had swollen eyes, the suit he had worn yesterday, and many, many tissues all around him.
Bill could only think of how pathetic Colin would think he was, crying in the middle of an emptied-out apartment, over a woman who no longer loved him, over a feeling that terrified him (which the one generating that feeling could never know about), but above all, over the lack of professionalism. He didn't know if it was everything all together, the proximity of the man, or what caused it, but Bill, the righteous Bill, the Boy Scout Bill, clung to his very cold, distant, lying, trickster, and sarcastic partner, and broke down crying even harder. Colin didn't know what to do; he had always been bad when it came to feelings, but seeing his partner so vulnerable, so... desolate...
Colin had felt confused; Toni's appearance had broken his already broken heart. Being honest, Bill's presence had helped keep him sane, even when he was hurt, even when he couldn't repress his anger, even when he was hurtful and defiant, sarcastic; even so, Bill stayed, and even though he sometimes looked hurt, he didn't talk back to him.
When Toni was reintegrated into the Agency, he felt even more betrayed by his company; she didn't just betray him, but the whole Agency, but even so, her skills were more important to them.
Toni had been the love of his life, Toni had been the woman of his dreams, Toni had broken his heart and his morale, Toni had damaged his ego, Toni almost got Bill hurt, and that, more than anything, was surprising and revealing.
Bill on that boat, Bill worrying, Bill staying, because Bill decided to stay in the unit, rather than leave, where his family was, where he would be closer to his parents, where he could have a dream wedding with his dream fiancée, with his 2.4 kids in the future, with his promotion; Bill chose him, he wanted to think that Bill chose him, Colin, not just the union of the CIA with the FBI, no, he chose Colin above all else.
That's why when Nikki said he wasn't coming in, that he was sick, Colin feared the worst: that he had finally realized Colin was nothing but masks, lies, and appearances; that he didn't want to stay; that he chose her.
Because what were more than 15 years against a little over 1... because what was a beautiful, smart, and reliable woman against a sarcastic and hurtful partner, because he knew he had hurt him, he knew he had made him feel miserable.
But his head played against him; he left the office when the 4th call went unanswered, he left almost running. If anyone saw him they would think he was in danger, that he was being chased—although he was, chased by the revealing image, the revealing feeling of desolation if Bill left, if his partner finally left him, by the feeling of abandonment once again.
The only thing that made him slow down was Gina, a message from his brilliant girl: "Apparently the engagement is off." Five words that changed his thinking. His partner would be devastated; now, even less could he afford not to be by his side. Arriving at his place was... depressing. A half-empty apartment, it looked like it had been emptied out; a tearful Bill, a disheveled Bill, a surprised Bill, a Bill who looked broken. Approaching him was dangerous, he just wanted to wrap him in his arms, lock him in a capsule, and make everything stay away from him.
They stayed like that for over 20 minutes, until Colin felt Bill's rhythmic breathing, and understood he had fallen asleep. He knew the apartment, he had been there, searching for bugs and transmitters, but it was revealing when he reached the bedroom carrying a completely exhausted Bill, that he realized the sudden absence of half of everything.
The strong and serious Bill looked calm, but still sad, the tears drying on his cheeks. The strong man that was his partner had made himself vulnerable in his presence, and now, he couldn't be more certain that he is totally and completely captivated by him.