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Where did she come from? Crashing back into Jae's world as if things never happened between the two of them. It's been so long.
Why was she here?
Jae could see it, too. In her memories. We're here again in the moonlight, she thinks solemnly.
That night, she'll never forget the way Heeyoung moved. The way Heeyoung left the room so sad. Like nothing ever turned out like Heeyoung thought it would.
We were young, Jae thinks, and I'm still in love—I'm still a fool for you.
She knew back then, too, that it was too good to be true. That someone like Heeyoung couldn't ever want her for the way she was. I caught your eye, Jae remembers saying on the day Heeyoung broke her heart into two halves of a whole. But tell me you didn't try to compare me to the girl in your mind.
Now, Heeyoung walks toward her. Confidently. Her——fearless as ever. Always one to please the crowd. But her walk—it alone tells Jae how little she's changed.
And Jae. Her legs are frozen to the ground. Couldn't make a sound—couldn't make a move even if she wanted to.
"Hi, Jeongseon."
Jae swallows back the bile that rises in her throat. A mistake is soon to come. She can feel it in her bones.
"Hello, eonnie," she replies quietly. To others, it may be silly, but Jae won't call her by her name.
It still hurts to say it out loud.
And Heeyoung seems to catch it by the way she nods her head while looking at the ground. But she looks back up and flashes Jae with a small smile. However, Jae can tell it's not genuine. It's not one of pure joy. Because there's nothing but sadness radiating from her.
Because nothing ever turned out like she thought it should.
Right?
"It's been a while."
Of course. It's a surprise she is even aware of the fact.
"Yes. A long time."
"How have you been?"
Miserable. Heavy-hearted. Broken to the center of her core. Woebegone. But Heeyoung… She knows that. Doesn't she?
"I've been…okay. Going wherever life takes me. Too adventurous to stay in one place, you know?" Jae—her bones itch. Her flesh feels as if there are insects crawling sickeningly beneath it, wailing and begging to be set free. "What about you?"
Now, a genuine smile breaks out across Heeyoung’s face. And still—she’s so gorgeous, and it makes Jae's stomach turn with heartbreak. "I'm doing great! I just graduated, so I feel like a huge weight has finally been lifted off my shoulders. It's wonderful to be stress-free again!"
"Oh, congratulations. That must feel amazing." Slowly, Jae comes to terms with the fact she doesn't want to hear about this. "Where are you heading next?" She doesn't want to hear about what she’s missed—about the play she doesn't have a starring role in.
All these years, Heeyoung never called. She never wrote. And Jae—god, Jae—like the little lovesick sap she is—she waited. Yes. Like the fool she is. She waited and waited and waited. Until she was forced to leave her delusions behind, and accept the harsh and cruel reality that things were never to be the same. For her own sake, she gave it up and left it alone.
But we were free.
A thought she had often after their break-up.
And she carried it inside her heart forever. It was the one and only thing that kept her from opening herself to anyone else. It wasn't as if she tried to hold onto it. She was fully aware she couldn't move on from Heeyoung even though she tried. Jae couldn't change the way she loved unlike Heeyoung could. She couldn't be different.
But Jae notices there's also something different about Heeyoung now. Maybe it's regret. Maybe it's guilt. Hell, maybe even resentment. And yet…something's also exactly the same. And this one—Jae knows what it is, too. Yes. It's the way Heeyoung’s lips move when she says Jae’s name.
Yes. So sad. Because nothing was as perfect as she wanted it to be.
The conversation brings nothing to the table. Jae learns things she were better off not knowing. And it's simply just…sad. Because even after Heeyoung says good-bye and trails off into the far distance, Jae is still waiting.
She is still waiting to see if Heeyoung will come back around tonight.
To the girl she'll never find. Looking for the person she'll never find. The one who will never be as perfect as Heeyoung wanted her to be.
It's heart-wrenchingly bittersweet. But Jae would never stop loving her.
Even if Jae was nothing Heeyoung wanted, Heeyoung would always be everything she ever desired.
And it was that truth that would continue to haunt Jae in her dreams.