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Something hasn't felt right for months.
He knows his body intimately, has lived in it for 35 years, has had every injury possible. He knows when something is wrong.
He tried to ignore it for a long time, cracking up to the extreme grief of losing the greatest man he will ever know. He'd been so sick over it, for months. And his stomach, normally a little pudgy, but muscular, has swollen until he's taken on the appearance of a middle aged truck driver.
He doesn't want to acknowledge what it probably is, has been putting off visiting the doctor - he doesn't want to hear that word.
Cancer.
His brother had died far too young. And Buck has the same genome, created in a lab to be a perfect match.
Or, almost perfect. If it were perfect, he would have been able to save his brother.
So no, he very much doesn't want to go to the doctor, find out that it's his turn now.
He can't take it.
The team can't take it.
And so he's put it off.
But now…now he's curled in the dust and dirt, on the floor of some godforsaken basement. He's trapped - he’d already tried to find an exit, but the collapse has left him completely alone, his radio as smashed as the concrete around him.
The pain is almost blinding.
Waves of it crash over him, low in his abdomen.
He's checked himself thoroughly for injuries, couldn't find anything of significance, but the pain has only gotten worse.
“Oh fuck.” He cries out. No one's here to hear him scream anyway.
Help isn't coming.
Whatever this is, it's gonna kill him.
“Oh no. Oh holy shit. Shit. SHIIIIIIT.”
He feels his body release, and fluid gushes between his legs. “Oh god, oh no.”
Buck tugs his pants down, expecting to see a pool of blood beneath him. But it's not that. He's not bleeding. Just…wet.
He was standing earlier, a spinal injury doesn't make sense, he can still feel his legs. And he doesn't feel like his bladder has let go, but…
“Ooooooooh my god.” It hits again, hangs on for longer this time. There's so much pressure. It's almost like…
No. It couldn't be that.
It's not.
Impossible. It's Impossible.
Another cramp crashes over him, and through the haze he remembers.
One night.
8 months ago, right after Bobby died.
He and Eddie, standing in the kitchen, so unbelievably angry with each other, the grief threatening to consume them both.
And Eddie had taken hold of his wrist, pulling him down the hall. “You’re not sleeping on the couch tonight. Neither of us should be alone.”
They'd lain there for awhile, Buck had listened to Eddie sob for what seemed like hours.
Eventually, they'd turned to each other, seeking comfort even in anger.
The sadness had been too strong.
Something that he'd wanted for years, tainted by devastation.
It's not possible.
“Noooo. Oh god, no, not again. Ahhhhhhhh.”
The pressure is too intense now, and his body fights against it. He has to…
He has to push.
Shaking now, his hand trails carefully between his legs, and finds an opening that has never been there before. It's huge.
Not cancer.
Not a tumor.
A different kind of parasite than he'd thought.
Whatever - whoever - it was…they have made the decision for him. They are coming.
Right the fuck now.
Another screaming moan that leaves him panting.
Buck struggles to his knees, holding on to a ledge of busted cement as his body presses down.
There's no stopping this, he doesn't have any options here.
And he's completely, utterly alone.
There's a clatter somewhere above him. He must hear voices, but everything outside of this tiny pit fades into the background as he bears down again.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”
More pain. So much more. It's more intense than anything he's ever felt before, his body is ripping itself apart.
And then fire.
Hot, burning, tearing pain, right at the core of him.
They are almost here.
He reaches down again, and holy fuck.
That's a head. THAT'S A HEAD.
One more. He's gotta get through one more.
It hits harder than any tsunami, and there's nothing he can do but push and scream and try to breathe.
And then.
Relief.
Terror.
Amazement.
Because cupped in his hands, there's a person.
A girl.
She’s so incredibly tiny, and pissed the fuck off about the state of the world that she's found herself in.
Mine.
He feels that thought with every corner of his soul.
There's nothing to cut the cord with, not down here in this pit of hell.
Just them.
Buck, and Eddie's daughter.
“Oh my god. Oh my god. Hi.”
All he can do is tuck her into his turnouts, ripping open the buttons on his uniform to press her close to his skin.
She already knows what to do, finding a nipple and latching on.
Oh.
Oh.
She's nursing. From him.
What an absolutely ridiculous situation. How is his body even capable of this?
He doesn't know.
He tucks his turnout pants under him - can’t get them back on one-handed - and uses them as a blanket to sit on, so at least he's not directly on the dusty floor.
Not that his pants are any cleaner.
He just had a baby.
Alone.
In the dark.
-
“Chim, I can hear him screaming."
“I know, Eddie. We are gonna get him. I promise. Pannikar! Over here with the jacks. Diaz, Wilson, get these blocks out of the way.”
His captain continues to yell orders, but all Eddie can hear are the screams.
He's heard Buck scream like that before, years ago, in the middle of a dark street, an impossible weight crushing him.
“We are coming, Buck!” He screams back, not sure if the man can hear him.
It's almost animalistic, the drive to get to his friend.
His best friend.
The person who he loves more than he ever thought possible.
He's dying.
And Eddie can't reach him.
Then finally.
FINALLY, the rock gives way. The team rips it away from the pile, and for a moment, everything in the universe stops spinning.
Because there he is.
His eyes bright against the grey plaster on his face. He's so damn beautiful, even like this.
“Buck.”
“Eddie?”
“We are almost to you. Hang on for me. Ok?”
“Yeah…yeah, I'm here.”
“Can you tell where you are hurt?”
Buck shakes his head, tears streaking down his cheeks. “I’m…I’m not hurt. Not anymore.”
Eddie doesn't understand. Those screams.
Another block is moved, the opening now big enough that he can slip through and…
Oh.
“Buck, you're not wearing any pants.”
A wet laugh chokes out from his friend. “Ha, um, yeah. I know. Come here. Just you. For a second.”
“I’m coming down, hold on.”
He flips on his flashlight, takes in the scene. The ground is wet, there must be a leak somewhere. The air is tainted by the smell of blood.
And Buck.
Buck’s chin is tucked in his turnouts, his shoulders shaking a bit as he whispers to himself.
“Buck.”
“Eddie. Come here. Carefully.”
It's only then, when he gets close enough, that he sees the cord. Purplish blue and extending from…
What.
The.
Fuck.
“Eddie, come meet your daughter.” His voice is so incredibly soft.
His knees buckle, and he falls to the floor next to his best friend, who is opening his jacket just enough.
Just enough for him to see.
Buck is holding a baby.
A girl.
She's so unbelievably tiny against such a huge man.
And she's absolutely gorgeous.
It all clicks into place.
The fight. The bed. Holding Buck as he's wanted to for years.
The sickness after. The grief. Buck's pale face when he said he was moving out. The pain in his eyes that day.
He'd gained weight. And not in the normal way he bulks up.
Eddie had cracked it up to stress, knew Buck wasn't taking care of himself the way he should.
“I need your help, Eds.” Buck whispers, looking up at him, waking Eddie up. “Need to cut the cord. Get her outta here.”
“Oh my god, Buck.”
He did this all on his own. He had to have been so scared.
“Did…did you know?”
Buck shakes his head. “No. Not until about 30 minutes ago.”
“Ok. Ok. Holy fuck. Chim! Hen! Need you down here immediately! No one else.”
His friends jump down in the hole and their eyes go wide. It must be Hen who gasps, before she drops in front of Buck.
“Hey. You ok?”
“Better now.”
“Just gonna check you over. Ok?”
“Yeah. It's fine.”
“Yours?” Chim asks from behind him.
“I…I think so.”
“Neither of you knew?”
“No.”
“Jesus. Ok. Hen. You got this? I'll get the ambo ready.”
“We're good Cap, but need to get them outta here asap.”
The next few minutes are a blur. Protocol. The cord is cut and Eddie helps Buck back into his pants, then picks him up and carries him out. He's not got so much as a scratch on him, which in itself is a miracle.
Nothing compared to the miracle that Buck is holding onto so tightly.
Their baby.
He had their baby.
“I love you so much. I never got to say it.”
Buck tilts his head up, tears still streaming down his face. “I love you so much it hurts, Eddie. And I'm sorry. That you had to find out this way.”
He shushed him. “You gave birth alone in a hole, baby. Please don't apologize to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been there enough to see it.”
“She’s yours.”
“Yeah. Yeah I did the math. She's a little early.”
“Landed on my stomach. Think she decided she'd had enough.”
Eddie lays him down on the gurney as gently as he can. “She’s ok?”
“She’s perfect.”
“You're perfect. You're everything, Evan Buckley. Everything.”
Chim and Hen must hop into the front of the bus because they are moving now. Eddie barely notices.
He has a daughter.
And he has Buck.
“I love you.” He whispers again, kissing him so, so softly.
He just pulled his entire life out of that pit. And he's never gonna let go.