Work Text:
When they were very young, Splinter was present in the best way he could be. His 100% was not very great, but he still gave it. He still tried.
Raphael seemed to have tried harder.
At some point, when Raph was about 6, Splinter drifted away. Even if he was six, as said by Splinter, he had still only spent four years alive. Splinter locked himself in his room, and Raph took care of them. He stopped the younger two from fighting, and he helped four year old Mikey clean up. He took care of them.
That’s what older brothers do.
Raph was a good older brother.
It was hard, at first, but then April came into play a year later. She brought Splinter out of his funk because she was absolutely going to die if he didn’t. She thought she was as strong and as immune as the turtles. One time she tried swimming in sewer water with them and Splinter had to come get her out. About an hour later, after she had taken a shower in their shower, been given one of the turtles’ clean shorts and hoodie, and was sitting down with some tea, the effects truly sunk in. She threw up and wouldn’t stop. Splinter had the others escort the eight year old girl to her house.
Simply put: Splinter had to be there, or crap would hit the fan.
He was, for a good while too, but then he left again. He briefly was there when Raph started working on his anger (repressing it, more like), and after that… not much.
Raph was still a teenager. He was, in no way, his siblings’ parental figure. He still took care of them, though. Always. Even if he wasn’t their mom, he was still motherly by nature. Or not. Maybe it was by nurture.
Either way, his size was the only reason he didn’t lose his temper as much, and his position as a caretaker of the family definitely had a part in the way he was. So it was probably both. People’s first thought about him was usually that he was scary and mean, and their second thought was that he was sweet and a living teddy bear. He was neither. In no way was he a teddy bear. In no way was he mean.
Did he lose his temper? Yes. Did he act motherly? Yes. He hit his siblings hard enough for it to hurt, but not enough for it to damage. He was their older brother. A caretaker, but not a parent, no matter how motherly he was.
Splinter was the opposite. He was there but also not. He was an adult, and definitely their father. He loved them, but he wouldn’t show it as much as they wanted (as they needed). He was depressed, and he didn’t know how to do this. Going from an enslaved gladiatorial fighter to a single father of four to a single father of five (April counted) was hard, to say the least.
He was childish. Hogged the TV and stole Donnie’s turtle tank. He got better, as time went on, but it was still hard. It made Raph want to kick and scream, but that’s just how it was. It made Splinter want to kick and scream too. Every part of him was heavy with guilt, both for his neglect over the children he had, and his weakness and inability to save the other two turtles. One of them had yellow eye splotches, he remembered.
He missed them more than he hated his new form. He felt horrible, and it made him think all he could do was hurt the ones he had. He just wanted to do right, but he didn’t push through his grief.
He hogged the TV. He was fooled by a rock pretending to be his daughter.
He was hopeless.
He was the turtles, Piebald, and April’s father. They viewed him as such, he knew. But he hadn’t been there for them for a long time. Maybe he could grow along with Draxum.
He just wished he wasn’t so childish.