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Gretchen knew there were a lot of things wrong with her. Her hips were too wide. Her love for vintage clothes was cringe, wait not cringe… embarrassing. She looked too much into the books she read. Her drawings were childish. She fell in love with the wrong people.
But that was okay. Because Regina was always quick to point out her faults.
For example, liking girls. That was one of the first things Regina told her was wrong. Well not wrong with her, but it was pretty clear that it's wrong to like girls. But Gretchen couldn't help if she was just enamoured by Regina's looks and the way she… no. No, that was wrong. It was clear to see when Regina didn't invite Janis to her pool party. Which was a shame because Janis was fun to talk to! But it was clear she couldn't come because it's wrong to like girls.
And it didn't matter to Gretchen anyway. She was Regina's best friend. She was in charge of Regina's deepest darkest secrets. That was enough. It doesn't matter that she wants more. That Regina would look at her like she looks at- NO! No. No. She shouldn't think that way. Because that was wrong.
Regina also saved her from impending social suicide. No, it's true. Gretchen used to be obsessed with vintage fashion. I mean could you blame her? The colours were so vibrant and the different types of skirts, blouses and blazers made the possibilities endless. Everything from the fabrics to the buttons were just so cute! Gretchen used to have pages on pages of Pinterest boards that saved every piece of vintage clothing she found. Thankfully, Regina saved her before she bought the godawful stuff.
"Ew, what is that?"
"Oh! They're my boards of all the clothes I want to buy!" she chirped, showing off the boards to her best friend.
"What? No. Are you trying to look like a loser? Wearing that is just asking to be embarrassed."
"Oh… really?"
"Yes. Here I have a few things that would look perfect on you. Come on. Honestly Gretchen, what would you do without me?"
So that's how Regina saved her fashion sense and social life.
(But sometimes when Gretchen is craving the freedom of individuality she'll look back at those old middle school boards and think about what could have been.)
Reading was another wrong that Regina corrected. Don't get her wrong, it wasn't like Regina was stopping Gretchen doing it, she just made sure Gretchen read the correct things. Gretchen used to read heaps of novels. Novels that would transport you to places you've never been before. Stories that could make you question your reality. Tales that would let experience things you could never imagine. She loved learning about new worlds and learning new ideas and phrases.
But Regina never enjoyed what Gretchen read. She scoffed at the novels Gretchen would read, the rants she'd go on about these worlds. She'd tell Gretchen that she should focus on more important things, like the latest Vogue, cause how else would she keep up with latest trends. Heavens know she can't do that herself.
The breaking point was when Gretchen found 'fetch'. It was perfect! It encapsulated so much and it would fit their vocabulary perfectly. And yet -
"Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!"
"Maybe you would know that if you read something useful once in a while."
Maybe Regina was right.
Gretchen knew that she done it. She did something right. The most important thing right. She had a crush on a boy! Kevin G. He was smart and charming and so unapologetically himself like she wished she could be. She was so excited when she told Regina and Karen at their girls night.
Regina stopped for a second and Gretchen thought that this was it, she finally did something right! Then they both laughed at her.
"You're joking right? The mathlete?" Regina scorned.
Maybe not then. "Yes, of course I'm joking."
"Okay, good. Because have you seen that loser? Gretchen don't say that lightly, you know associating yourself with the mathletes is social suicide."
Another reminder, doodling was ok, it was cute. But proper art? Filling sketchbooks with paintings and watercolours that was wrong. Regina made it clear that it was just like associating with the art freaks. And Gretchen wouldn't want that. It wasn't like she was like Janis. And associating with the art freaks was wrong. She made that very clear to Cady.
"Like if I was wearing jeans today, I would be sitting over there with the art freaks."
(But some days, she wish she could.)
The task was simple, be an example, show Cady what was right, how to act, how to talk around Regina. Why couldn’t Gretchen get it right? She’d been doing it for years. Regina’s rules were simple: speak, but not too much; look skinny, but not starving; wear jeans on Fridays but not on any other day. What is wrong with her? Could it just be… Regina?
NO! Regina is always right, always perfect. Gretchen just needs to try harder.
When Cady took over as Queen Bee, Gretchen was worried. Sure, Regina wasn't her boss anymore, and she could say what wanted (as long as it didn't bother Cady), and wear what she pleased (as long as it matched the others), but how was supposed to act? She supposed it wouldn't be too different to how it was when Regina was queen bee. Just follow all the rules from before and help Cady just like before. With all the parties, and the clothes, the music and secrets and the-
"Gretchen! I get it!"
Why couldn't she ever get it right? Maybe Regina wasn't ever right.
And yet, when Cady stepped on that stage, crowned as Spring Fling Queen, talking about stars that shone brighter than diamonds, Gretchen realised that maybe all the things Regina said were wrong... weren't wrong. Maybe there wasn't anything wrong with her, that she could like vintage clothes, books, art... girls. Maybe... her interests were worth something... she was worth something.
Gretchen knew that there were a lot of things wrong with her. She needed to appreciate her figure more. Her closet was severely lacking in vintage clothes. She needed a new sketch book. She didn't know what gender she liked.
But that's okay, she's figuring it out and that's what made her… her.