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“I miss you,” Keith says. He’s curled on his couch with a cup of tea and a discarded book. His apartment feels so empty and he’s bored.
“I miss you too,” Lance replies softly. The softness of his voice makes Keith’s heart ache. He knows how Lance can get.
“Are you done for the night?” Keith asks, “cozy in bed?” He hears some ruffling on Lance’s side of the line and some mumbled talking.
“Sorry, just let me deal with this,” Lance says. Keith hums and waits patiently as he hears a mumbled conversation between Lance and some kid. It’s sort of nice to hear Lance’s gentle voice he uses on kids. “Okay, I’m going to my cabin now,” Lance says.
“Did I interrupt something important?” Keith asks, “I should have told you I was calling.” Lance tuts and he hears a door close softly.
“Shut up,” Lance says playfully, “there was just a kid having trouble opening his mouth wash. You can always call me.” Keith smiles, hugging his blanket around himself tighter.
“So… how are you feeling?” Keith asks. It’s month two of Lance being head counselor at this summer camp and it’s been a rollercoaster. He’s been doing this since they were teenagers, and Keith has hated it every summer. He wants to spend his summers with his best friend, but he knows how much Lance loves the job.
“Tired,” Lance says, “and I… well I miss home. And you.” Keith rolls his eyes. It took him years to get used to someone saying things like that. He’s not used to missing people, let alone people missing him.
“Feeling homesick?” Keith asks.
“Can we video call?” Lance asks, “I wanna see something familiar.” Keith immediately starts the video call and is met with Lance’s tanned, freckled face.
“You look tired, man,” Keith says. Lance nods, rubbing at his eyes.
“I have no idea where these kids are getting this boundless energy,” Lance says, “I’ve had to stop kids from eating bugs way too many times today.” Lance cringes, eyes looking far away in thought.
“I really don’t know how you do it,” Keith says.
“I don’t either. But for some reason the kids like me,” Lance says.
“Maybe it’s because you act like a child,” Keith teases, “they relate to you.”
“As if you don’t act like one too,” Lance says, “you pout all the time.”
“I do not!” Keith exclaims.
“You’re pouting right now,” Lance says, tone flat. Keith rolls his eyes and a little smile pulls at Lance’s lips. “I’m glad you called, I needed this.”
“You needed to bully me?” Keith asks.
“Yeah,” Lance says simply.
“You’re ridiculous,” Keith says.
“And yet you miss me,” Lance says. A silence falls over them and they sort of just look at each other. The familiarity that Lance holds is really comforting. It’s nice that Keith has known someone for as long as he can remember.
“When do you come home again?” Keith asks when his mind starts to wander into nostalgia. Lance rolls around in his bed and pulls something out of a cubby.
“Five weeks from now,” Lance says, flopping onto his pillow heavily, “that feels really long. I love it here, but I love being home too.” Keith nods. He knows Lance and he knows how bad he gets homesick.
“Tell me about some of the fun stuff you’ve been doing,” Keith says. He’d never admit how much he hates Lance being gone to his face, but he wants to. He wants Lance to know how annoying life is without him. How cold and empty their apartment feels. But when Lance starts talking and his face lights up, Keith remembers why he keeps it all to himself. Lance glows when he’s happy and Keith really likes when Lance is happy.
They stay on the phone for an hour, mostly talking about Lance’s crazy stories. Keith hasn’t done much more than go to work and the gym, so he spends most of the call listening, but he doesn’t mind that at all. He likes that Lance talks a lot. When he can start to see Lance fighting to stay awake, he stops him from starting another story and gives him a stern look. “Go to sleep,” Keith says.
“Don’t wanna,” Lance says. But his eyelids are heavy and his breathing is slow.
“You need the rest, yeah?” Keith says, “you can text me in the morning.”
“Then you sleep too,” Lance says, “you always stay up late and it’s bad for you.”
“How do you know if I stay up late if you’re always asleep early?” Keith asks. Lance smiles, his face squished adorably against his pillow.
“Cause I always wake up when you brush your teeth,” Lance says, “and it’s normally late.” Keith frowns. He always tries to be as quiet as he can.
“Sorry,” Keith says. Lance waves him off.
“I don’t mind,” Lance says, “I sleep better knowing you’re getting some rest too.” Keith’s not sure why that makes his heart stutter.
“Okay, go to sleep,” Keith says.
“Goodnight,” Lance says, giving Keith a small wave.
“Goodnight Lance,” Keith says. When he hangs up, he feels a little less bored and alone. He still hates being alone in the apartment, but talking to Lance always makes him feel better.
–
“Scorching hot and bitter as hell,” Shiro says, setting a coffee down in front of Keith. Shiro sets his own drink down, a sweet looking latte of some sort and sits across from Keith. “So, how’s your project going?” Keith hums, picking at the sticker on his to go cup.
“Slowly,” Keith says, “I can’t seem to get myself motivated.” Shiro frowns in that way that makes Keith feel guilty.
“But you normally love doing these kinds of jobs,” Shiro says. Keith nods and looks down at the steam swirling out of his cup. This project is right up his alley, but nothing seems to be going right and he’s starting to get way too frustrated.
“I know,” Keith says, “I just feel… weird. Things aren’t working the way they’re supposed to.” Shiro tilts his head, looking at Keith pensively.
“How’s Lance doing?” Shiro asks. Keith pinches his brows and looks back up at Shiro.
“Good, why?” Keith asks. Shiro chuckles and leans back in his chair. Damn him and always looking calm and casual.
“He’s your roommate and best friend,” Shiro says, “maybe your work is affected by him being gone.” Shiro says it so casually like that’s a normal thing that happens to normal people. Keith should be able to do his job just fine without his best friend around. He should be just fine alone in his apartment.
“I miss him, but not enough to affect my work,” Keith says. Shiro shrugs, taking a sip of his drink.
“I’m just saying, you guys are always together and you’ve never spent this much time alone at the apartment,” Shiro says, “it’s an adjustment.” Keith sighs.
“He’s been gone every summer for almost eight years now,” Keith says, “this year is no different.” Shiro raises an eyebrow.
“But it is,” Shiro says, “you guys didn’t live together before. It’s not so crazy to feel a bit lonely.” Keith rolls his eyes, but Shiro might be right. He’s gotten really used to Lance always being around this past year. Living together has only made them closer, and that’s hard to imagine since they’ve always been inseparable.
“I guess you have a point,” Keith says, “but I’ll still get this project done in time, so it’s fine.” Shiro nods, showing he has full confidence in Keith. And Keith is confident in himself, he will get this done, he’s just normally done way ahead of deadlines. “So, how’s Matt doing? I haven’t seen him in a while.” Shiro flushes like he does every time Matt is mentioned and it’s pretty damn adorable. Keith thought it was cheesy as hell at first, but now it’s just sweet.
“He’s good,” Shiro says, “he uh- he took me to this little orchestra the other day. They played all the songs from the Star Wars movies.” Keith smiles. He’s so unbelievably happy Matt and Shiro found each other. Shiro is genuinely an angel on this planet and Matt treats him so well. He seems to read Shiro’s mind constantly.
“That’s really sweet,” Keith says. He takes a sip of his coffee and lets the warmth spread through him. “I should have everyone over for a game night when Lance gets back.”
“For sure,” Shiro says, “I’m sure he’s missed his friends. Only two more weeks, right?” Keith nods. Just two more weeks and maybe he’ll stop feeling cold in their apartment.
–
“So then he goes up to her and just completely freezes. I mean, jaw hanging open, eyes wide, completely silent. It was really hard to watch,” Allura says, “I’ve never seen someone freeze up like that. I was embarrassed for him.” Keith watches closely as Allura braids Romelle's hair. She does it so quickly and precisely it’s sort of scary.
“That’s sort of adorable,” Romelle says, “she must have been beautiful.”
“Stunning,” Allura says, “poor Hunk didn’t stand a chance when she made eye contact with him.” Keith can picture it very clearly. Hunk is a great conversationalist, but like anybody, a beautiful woman puts pause in his words. And if Allura is calling someone stunning, it must have been a literal walking goddess.
“Did he get her number though?” Keith asks. Allura scoffs and ties off the last braid in Romelle’s hair.
“Of course,” Allura says, “you know Hunk, he can charm anyone’s pants off. I think she found him really sweet.”
“He really is a teddy bear,” Romelle coos, “I hope it works out. He deserves to be loved.”
“You’re a sap,” Keith says, cringing dramatically. Romelle smacks his shoulder and stands up from her spot on the floor in front of Allura.
“What about you bud, any romance in your life?” Allura asks. Keith sighs, slumping onto the couch.
“No,” Keith says plainly, “being gay is hard.” Allura snorts and flops onto the couch next to him. Keith doesn’t really complain about being single, it’s not really something that bothers him. He has enough company and love in his life as it is. But seeing people couple up around him does make him wonder a little bit. Wonder what it feels like to be in love.
“Tell me about it,” Allura says, “if Romelle didn’t hold my hair up while I threw up the entire contents of my stomach, I’d probably still be single as hell.” Romelle smiles at her fondly while she feels the braids in her hair.
“I can’t believe that’s how you guys met,” Keith says, “how did you see her yack and still want to talk to her?” Romelle shrugs and settles next to Allura.
“She was beautiful, even hunched over a toilet,” Romelle says, gently bumping her and Allura’s heads together.
“I think love is gross,” Keith says, “that’s my final verdict.” Romelle and Allura both laugh and he slumps into the couch further. He’s probably going to be alone forever.
–
As embarrassing as it is, Keith couldn’t fall asleep last night. He was exhausted, sure, but Lance comes home today and it’s very exciting to no longer be alone in the apartment. And to just be around Lance again. It’s not the same over the phone. He misses not just his presence, but his voice and his face. That’s probably a little bit pathetic. When the sun starts to flood into his room, he’s wide awake and anxious.
The anticipation of waiting for Lance to get back is probably enough to kill him. He tries to read a book to keep himself occupied, but he’s too distracted. He settles for curling up on the couch with a cup of coffee and morning cartoons on the TV. He only has to last a few more hours and he can get over this weird anticipation curling in his chest.
He nearly jumps out of his skin when his phone rings next to him. He snaps out of his anxious daze and picks it up, sort of thankful for the distraction. “Yo,” Pidge says, “what time did you want us to come again?” Keith looks at the clock above the TV and hums. He selfishly wants some time alone with Lance first. He knows Lance is going to be tired and he’ll be overwhelmed if everyone is here when he gets home.
“Maybe like six?” Keith says, “I was going to order in a bunch of pizza and stuff.”
“I’ll bring some of that weird candy that he likes,” Pidge says, “need anything else?”
“No,” Keith says, “I uh- I got everything.”
“I’m glad he’s coming back,” Pidge says, “you’ve seemed… lonely.” There’s a pause and Keith hears Pidge take a sharp breath on her end of the phone. “Sorry, that was blunt.”
“It’s okay,” Keith says honestly, “it has been weird being in the apartment alone.”
“I gotta go,” Pidge says, “but you know, you can always invite me over if you need company. I get lonely too.” When Keith first met Pidge, he didn’t think they’d get along super well, but it turns out they have a lot in common. It’s been nice having someone who can see things from his perspective.
“See you tonight,” Keith says. When he hangs up the phone, he feels a little less antsy. He’s still surprised that he actually has all the friends he has.
–
Keith speedwalks to the door and opens it with a little bit too much force. Standing across from him is a sun kissed Lance with two suitcases, a backpack and a pillow. He’s got a lopsided smile on his face and dark bags under his eyes. He looks tired, but happy. “Hi,” Lance says. Keith smiles and takes the suitcases from him and leads them into the living room. Lance throws his stuff on the ground and wraps his arms around Keith. Keith lets out a soft sigh and melts into Lance’s arms.
Everything about Lance brings him comfort and it feels like a weight lifts off of his shoulders. He never knew missing someone could feel like this. “You smell good,” Lance whispers. Keith chuckles and reluctantly slips out of the hug.
“Did the cabins smell that bad?” Keith asks. Lance shakes his head, keeping a hand on Keith’s shoulder.
“This is just familiar,” Lance says, “it’s nice.” They stand there in silence for a while, and it’s comforting.
“I’m assuming you’re a little tired?” Keith says. Lance nods and drops his head to Keith’s shoulder. He groans and Keith pats his back softly.
“I need to shower,” Lance says, “then can we watch some cartoons? I really want to watch Spongebob.” Keith quite literally wants nothing more. So he sends Lance on his way and gets them a bowl of grapes and a blanket. He also shoves all of Lance’s stuff into his room and turns the fan on to get rid of the stuffy air.
When Lance comes out of the bathroom, he looks a little more awake and refreshed. He’s wearing sweatpants low on his hips and one of Keith’s band tees. His hair is damp and messy around his face. This is how Lance looks best, in Keith’s opinion. Something about him looking so relaxed and comfortable makes Keith feel relaxed and comfortable too. Lance settles into the couch next to him, immediately shoveling grapes into his mouth.
They quickly finish the grapes and Lance huffs as he lays his head on Keith’s lap. Without thinking, Keith’s hand moves to Lance’s head and he starts idly playing with Lance’s hair. It’s warm and comfortable and Keith finally feels at ease. They make their way through five episodes of Spongebob before the first person lets themself in the apartment. Keith told people to let themselves in, since he figured this would happen. This being Lance snoring and drooling in his lap.
Pidge makes her way in, smiling fondly when she sees Lance fast asleep. “He looks comfortable,” Pidge says. Keith nods, still threading his fingers through Lance’s drying hair.
“I don’t think he’s had a proper sleep in three months,” Keith says.
“You think he’ll still be up to game night?” Pidge asks, pulling things out of the bag slung over her shoulder. She tosses the Squashies, the stupid British candy that Lance loves, on the counter and pulls out a couple card games Keith doesn’t recognize.
“Yeah, I bought him his favourite flavour of Redbull,” Keith says, “and he’s definitely going to be hyped when he sees everyone.” Pidge nods and flops down next to them. It jostles Lance and he makes a small noise. Pidge smiles and pats Lance’s shoulder gently.
“When are you gonna wake him up?” Pidge asks. Keith smirks and Pidge raises an eyebrow at him. “What are you scheming?”
“I wanna wait til everyone is here and make a fake game of Uno around him,” Keith says, “wake him up and say it’s his turn and he’s gotta pick up a million of them.”
“You want to confuse the poor guy?” Pidge asks. Keith shrugs and Lance makes another small noise.
“He’ll find it funny when he gets his bearings,” Keith says, “Spongebob while we wait for everyone else?” Pidge nods and they fall into a Spongebob filled silence. People start to trickle in, all giving Lance the same fond look. Lance has a way of making people look at him fondly, even through exasperation. When everyone is finally there and Shiro starts setting up all the snacks, Keith decides to have a little bit of mercy and wake Lance up, but not in a pseudo game of Uno.
Lance grumbles as Keith shakes his shoulder and his eyes flutter open for a few seconds as he gathers his bearings. “Sorry,” Lance mumbles, rubbing his eyes as he sits up, keeping his gaze on Keith, “didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Keith smiles and brushes away the hair stuck to Lance’s cheek.
“It’s okay,” Keith says softly, “there’s uh- there’s some people here for you.” Lance pinches his brows and turns to look at the room around him. He gasps softly and Keith can imagine the grin that spreads on his face.
“You guys!” Lance exclaims, standing from the couch, “group hug, I missed all of you.” Keith watches everyone crowd around Lance until he feels himself get roughly tugged into the pile of people. When Lance feels sufficiently hugged, everyone disperses and Lance shuffles over to the snacks. Keith grabs the Redbull from the fridge and sneaks up behind Lance, pressing the cold can against his neck.
Lance hisses and turns to Keith with a glare. Keith shoves the can at him with a lopsided smile. Lance shakes his head and takes it from him. “Asshole,” Lance mumbles. But he’s smiling and he cracks the Redbull open with a grateful look on his face. It doesn’t take them long to get into their first game. And of course Pidge insists on starting it off with Uno.
After two overly dramatic games of Uno, Matt is draped over Shiro, whining about Pidge being a demon. Hunk and Allura are showing everyone the cards they used to cheat and Romelle is doing her best not to look pissed about it. And Lance, he just looks extremely content. As they’re getting ready for the next game, there’s a knock at the door and Keith looks at Hunk excitedly. “Who else is coming?” Lance asks, pausing the braid he’s doing on Keith’s hair.
“Someone you’re excited to meet,” Keith says as Hunk leads Shay into the room. Lance jumps up excitedly and rushes over to them, abandoning the braid he begged to do. Keith watches fondly as Lance and Shay meet each other. Matt siddles up next to him.
“Shay is handling him well,” Matt says. The Redbull is making Lance an erratic blur, but Shay seems entirely unfazed. “Lance looks happy.”
“Yeah,” Keith says softly. Matt pinches his brows and stares at the side of Keith’s face. “What?” Keith asks.
“Will you be mad if I ask you something?” Matt asks. Keith raises an eyebrow.
“I mean… depends what you ask,” Keith says, “I’m sure I won’t be mad, though.” Matt nods and sucks in a seemingly nervous breath.
“Do you have… feelings for Lance?” Matt asks. He doesn’t say it bluntly, but the words hit Keith’s brain with blunt force.
“What?” Keith says, throat feeling tight around the word.
“It’s just- I don’t mean to be intrusive or anything, you just look at him how I look at Shiro,” Matt says. Keith shakes his head and looks over at Lance. Lance who brings him more comfort than anyone else. But Keith doesn’t have those sort of feelings for him.
“I don’t think I do,” Keith says, sounding more calm despite the storm inside him.
“Well, just thought I’d ask,” Matt says, “sorry for assuming.” Keith waves him off as Lance comes bounding back over to them.
“We’re gonna play this new game Pidge brought, come on,” Lance says, grabbing Keith’s wrist. Lance drags him to the circle around the living room table where Pidge is explaining the rules for Flip Seven. Keith has a feeling this game is going to cause a lot of arguments.
–
“I’m not doing it,” Matt says, “your evil ways won’t work on me.” Pidge and Matt glare at each other from across the table, both one card away from getting the bonus points. Everyone else is out and waiting to move onto the next round. Lance leans into Keith’s shoulder and bumps their heads together gently.
“Who’s winning?” Lance asks, grabbing the sheet of paper between them on the table.
“Not you,” Keith says, “you’ve lost every single hand. Never gamble.” Lance laughs softly and looks over the list. He gasps and turns to glare at Keith.
“You’re winning!” Lance exclaims, “when the hell did that happen?” Keith just smirks with a small shrug. Lance pouts and puts the paper back down. “You suck.”
“Fuck you!” Matt exclaims, tossing in his losing cards. Pidge is grinning across from him as Shiro comforts Matt dramatically.
“I’m winning on the next hand, just you guys wait,” Pidge says. Keith looks down at the score and snorts. Pidge definitely isn’t winning based on the numbers he has here. That becomes abundantly clear when Keith wins the last hand and takes the game. There is a lot of outrage, but Keith ignores it all in favour of getting a drink from the kitchen. Lance follows behind him.
“That was kinda cool,” Lance says, pushing past Keith to get to the fridge first.
“You kept trying to sabotage me with the freeze cards, I had to win,” Keith says. Lance hands him a Dr Pepper and closes the fridge with nothing for himself.
“Your competitive nature is hard to follow,” Lance says, “you pick and choose.” Keith hums, taking a generous swig of his drink. He pushes the can towards Lance and leans against the counter.
“Gotta pick my battles,” Keith says, eyeing Lance as he takes an adorably small sip.
“Can you pick the battle of convincing everyone to play charades?” Lance asks, “I got one more game in me before I curl up on the couch and fall asleep again.” Keith takes the can back and nods. Everyone likes to pretend they don’t like charades, but Keith can tell everyone loves it. Except for himself, but Lance loves it enough for both of them. It doesn’t take much for Keith to get everyone squished together on the couch and load up a random word generator.
Hunk takes his turn first and despite their initial complaints, everyone is super into it. Keith mostly watches, happy to see his friends prance around frantically. Everyone has a playful grin on their face and it makes Keith feel quite happy. He likes seeing everyone have fun together. He can tell Lance is starting to run his engine out though, when he flops down next to Keith, leans against him heavily, and stops guessing.
The game goes on for a while after that and Lance somehow manages to fall asleep against him, despite the shouting going on around him. Keith finds great comfort in the solid warmth beside him. He missed how there Lance always is. He’s solid and reliable and more than Keith could ever deserve in a friend. Eventually, the excitement dies down and people catch on to Lance’s snoring. “He must be exhausted,” Matt says softly.
“I’m sure being surrounded by children for months is tiring,” Pidge says, “he’s tired every year, but being head counselor must be more draining.”
“He complained to me so much about kids and their little scrapes that ‘needed’ bandages,” Hunk says.
“He told me the kids were dramatic,” Allura says, “he’s the biggest drama queen I know.” They all laugh softly and Lance makes a small noise and snuggles into Keith’s shoulder. Keith’s heart swells with fondness.
“We should let him rest,” Shiro says, “thank you for having us all over.”
“Tell him it was lovely to meet him,” Shay says, “he’s as wonderful as Hunk described.” Keith smiles and looks at the people around him. He’s really glad they could all be here for Lance.
“Want help cleaning anything up?” Pidge asks. Keith shakes his head and slips out from under Lance, only jostling him slightly.
“I’ll just drag him to bed and deal with it,” Keith says, “there’s not much to clean.” He sees everyone out and pointedly ignores the look Matt gives him. He’s not into Lance, no matter how convinced Matt is. When he goes back to the living room, Lance is rubbing his eyes and yawning. He looks so sweet when he’s sleepy.
“Did everyone go?” Lance asks, voice raspy with sleep.
“Yeah,” Keith says, “should I have woken you up?” Lance shakes his head and stands up slowly, hugging his arms around himself.
“Thanks for this,” Lance says, “it means a lot. This is exactly what I needed. Even if I was half asleep the whole time.” Keith nods and stuffs his hands in his pockets.
“I’m glad you’re back,” Keith says, “we all are. Now go do your stupid skin care and get some rest, I’ll help you unpack in the morning.”
“I’ll help you clean up,” Lance says. Keith shakes his head and walks over to push Lance towards the bathroom.
“Bed,” Keith says. Lance huffs, but lets himself be shoved into the bathroom.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” Lance says, “we’re getting waffles. I miss waffles.”
“Okay,” Keith says, “goodnight.” Lance smiles and disappears into the bathroom. Keith makes his way to the kitchen and starts cleaning things up, feeling lighter on his feet than he has in weeks.
–
“That means I’m officially friends with fifteen queer people,” Pidge says, “that’s a solid number if you ask me.” Hunk looks at her with wide eyes and starts counting people off on his fingers as he mumbles to himself.
“Fifteen?” Lance says, scratching his chin, “I might have you beat.” Pidge raises an eyebrow.
“Oh really?” Pidge says, “what makes you think your straight ass could out number me?” Lance rolls his eyes. Keith watches the exchange with amusement.
“Hey, I may be straight, but I have some fruit in me,” Lance says, “I sing ABBA when we do karaoke.” Keith looks at him with a flat expression.
“That’s not gay,” Keith says. Lance looks at him with dramatic offense and Keith just waves him off.
“Why does it matter how many gay people you know anyway?” Lance asks.
“Because queer people are cool,” Pidge says.
“I agree with her,” Keith says, crossing his arms. Lance glares at him.
“You’re biased,” Lance says. He turns to Hunk a little desperately, “side with me on this one buddy.”
“What am I even siding with you on?” Hunk asks, “are you trying to get me to say queer people aren’t cool?” Lance opens his mouth to say something, then snaps it shut and pouts.
“What am I trying to argue?” Lance asks. Pidge cackles and throws a piece of popcorn at him.
“How did we get to this conversation again?” Keith asks, picking the popcorn out of Lance’s hair.
“Hunk gave me the wonderful news that Shay is pan,” Pidge says, “that made the fifteen.”
“I am surrounded by gay people,” Lance says, looking around the room dramatically.
“I’m straight,” Hunk says. Lance waves him off and steals a handful of popcorn from Pidge.
“You’re the exception,” Lance says.
“We’re like pokemon cards,” Pidge says. They look at her with equal looks of confusion. She sighs like they’re all idiots. “We’ve got all different types of fruity. It’s kind of cool.”
“No one in our group is bisexual though, we need to cross that one off,” Hunk says, “I mean, Shiro thought he was for a while, but we all knew where that would go.” The conversation goes on to list all the signs of Shiro’s raging homosexual tendencies. It was something they just had to let the guy figure out on his own.
–
Keith gathers the booze he bought earlier in the day and shoves it in his shoulder bag. Lance is singing along to some music from his childhood in the bathroom and it’s quite enjoyable as background noise. Keith has always enjoyed when Lance speaks spanish and him singing in spanish is a whole other level. Keith just likes when people can speak other languages honestly. Eventually, Lance finishes fussing around with his hair and joins Keith at the door as they slip their shoes on.
The bottles clink around in Keith’s bag and he suddenly feels like a highschooler sneaking around to go to a party. Lance must feel the same since he giggles as they walk out the door, pressing a finger to his lips to shush Keith. “We can’t get caught,” Lance says. Keith rolls his eyes and kicks Lance’s ankle as they walk.
“You’re a dork,” Keith says.
“I’m not the one carrying booze around like a middle schooler,” Lance says. Keith raises an eyebrow and shoves the bag towards Lance.
“You carry it then, mr. ungrateful,” Keith says. Lance shakes his head and crosses his arms.
“I will do no such thing,” Lance says. Keith only stares at him for a few moments before he gives in and slips the bag back over his shoulder.
“You should be grateful,” Keith says, “I bought you that weird tequila that you like.” Lance grins and skips a few steps ahead of Keith to walk backwards.
“You’re an angel,” Lance says, “oh thank you lord Kogane.” Keith can’t help but crack a smile at Lance’s antics. “And you say you don’t like nicknames.”
“I don’t,” Keith says. Lance shakes his head and falls back into step with Keith.
“You smile every time I use one,” Lance says.
“I do not,” Keith says. Lance bumps his shoulder and Keith doesn’t have to look at him to know the look on his face.
“Especially when I call you mullet,” Lance says, “don’t you just adore that one?” Keith sighs, but he is smiling. The nickname mullet has grown on him quite a bit over the years. He would never admit that outloud, even if Lance has already figured it out.
“You like nicknames too, so don’t even make fun of me right now,” Keith says.
“I do! And you never use them,” Lance says.
“Cause you don’t like the ones I give you,” Keith says. Lance huffs and stops at the curb to wait for their Uber.
“Because calling me Armstrong is stupid,” Lance says, “I’m not a cyclist by any means.” Keith stops next to him, brushing their shoulders.
“But your name is Lance,” Keith says, tone intentionally flat.
“You suck,” Lance says, “at least my other friends have nicknames for me. Good ones.” Keith raises an eyebrow.
“Hunk calling you space ranger is so cheesy,” Keith says.
“I love cheesy! You know this!” Lance exclaims. Keith chuckles and bumps their shoulders again.
“I’ll try to think of some good ones, okay?” Keith says, “but that means you need some new ones too. No more mullet until you come up with something fresh.” Lance nods and sticks out his hand. Keith shakes it, making sure to squeeze it firmly.
“You have yourself a deal,” Lance says. Keith looks out at the setting sun and tries to think. The only thing that comes to mind is that the fading blue in the sky reminds him of Lance’s eyes. He smirks to himself. Maybe nicknames aren’t too bad. He likes the idea of Lance being Blue.
–
“One more shot,” Lance says, “just one.” Hunk takes the shot glass away from Lance, and pushes it into the sink behind him. It clinks against the stainless steel, but Lance doesn’t seem to notice, already floating on a good buzz. Hunk looks over at Keith a little desperately. Keith sighs, takes a sip of his beer, and goes over to them. “Keithhhh,” Lance says, draping himself over Keith, nearly knocking the beer to the floor.
“Hey, buddy,” Keith says, putting his beer on the counter, “how are you doing?” Lance hums, leaning all of his weight on Keith.
“He’s six shots in,” Hunk says, “he probably needs some water.” Keith nods and waves Hunk off.
“Go join Shay, I’ll take care of him,” Keith says, “you’ve done your babysitting for the night.” Hunk smiles gratefully and rushes away to where Shay is picking at a tray of fruit. Lance lifts himself off of him a little bit and pokes Keith’s cheek.
“You’re not as drunk as me,” Lance says. Somehow, his words aren’t slurring, but his voice is slow and heavy.
“I never am,” Keith says, “you’re a lightweight.”
“And you don’t take shots,” Lance says, “stupid beer fills you up before you get drunk.” Lance is like this every time they drink. He feels like Keith isn’t having enough fun if he’s not as wasted as Lance. What Lance loves to forget is that Keith gets hungover bad if he has hard liquor. The fact that Lance almost never gets hungover is genuinely insane.
“I don’t want a migraine tomorrow,” Keith says, “speaking of, let’s get you some water.” Lance pouts and leans all of his weight on Keith again. “You’re annoying.” Lance smiles against his shoulder and Keith starts the difficult task of turning them around so he can get to the sink.
“Help me sit on the counter?” Lance asks, “I’ll stop being annoying.” Keith pushes him up on the counter and Lance leans against the cabinets. Keith fills a cup with water and shoves it at Lance.
“Drink up,” Keith says. Lance smiles and gulps down the water. Keith watches closely to make sure he doesn’t spill it everywhere, something he’s done many times before. When Lance is done, he hands the glass to Keith and leans his head back, closing his eyes.
“Is anyone on the balcony?” Lance asks, sliding off of the counter.
“We can go check,” Keith says, “want some fresh air?” Lance nods and leans against Keith again.
“I wanna ask you something,” Lance says, “something secret.” Keith raises an eyebrow as they shuffle towards the balcony.
“You very rarely have secrets,” Keith says, “should I be scared or excited?” Lance shrugs, but there’s a mischievous look on his face. Last time Lance had a secret, it was that his favourite fruit changed from strawberries to raspberries. Keith is looking forward to whatever this is.
“Keithhhh,” Lance whines when they’re halfway there.
“What?” Keith asks, turning around to face him.
“Piggyback? My legs hurt,” Lance says. Keith rolls his eyes, but gives in rather easily. He’s never found it easy to say no to Lance. Lance grins and hops onto Keith’s back. He’s a pile of deadweight, and it makes Keith very grateful that he’s been consistent at the gym. They barely get a glance on the way out, most of their friends more than used to their antics. The air is cool around them when Keith pushes onto the balcony.
“Can I put you down now?” Keith asks, “you’re heavy as hell.” Lance huffs and slides off of Keith’s back.
“You’re calling me fat,” Lance states. Keith shakes his head and pushes Lance to the small couch in the corner of the balcony. Lance flops down and pulls Keith next to him by his wrist.
“What did you want to ask me?” Keith asks. They’ll get extremely side tracked if Lance doesn’t get to his point right away. Lance shifts next to him and hugs his knees up to his chest.
“Can I have a second?” Lance asks. His voice is wobbly and soft and it makes Keith feel really nervous.
“Of course,” Keith says. A comfortable silence falls over them, but Lance is fidgety and tense and not himself. He’s almost never like this, and he’s definitely never like this when he’s drunk. Keith doesn’t know if he’s prepared for whatever this secret question is.
“So… I uh- I don’t know exactly how to ask this,” Lance says, looking adamantly away from Keith.
“Take your time,” Keith says, “you can talk to me about anything.” Lance nods, squeezing his arms around his legs tighter. Keith is happy to sit in the silence while Lance gathers himself.
“How did you know?” Lance asks. His voice is so quiet Keith has to strain to hear it.
“Know what?” Keith asks.
“That you were… into men?” Lance asks, “how did you know you were gay?” Keith’s breath actually catches in his throat. He really didn’t expect that.
“How did I…” Keith trails when he hears Lance’s breathing. Lance is crying. “Lance?” Lance takes a hitched breath and turns to look at Keith.
“How did you know?” Lance asks. There are tears sparkling on his cheeks and he looks genuinely distraught. Keith collects himself. He needs to be solid for Lance right now.
“I guess I just… never understood the way guys talked about girls,” Keith says, “I mean, women are beautiful, but when I was old enough to understand… feelings I realized I wasn't attracted to them. A woman has never turned me on… I guess.” Keith feels really awkward, he’s never really talked about this before. “I’ve always known. Men are simply hot.” Lance hums and leans towards Keith a bit. Keith easily lets him rest against his chest, wrapping an arm around him.
“I know I like women,” Lance says. Keith figured as much. He has never doubted Lance’s attraction to women, he flirts with every single one he meets.
“Why are you asking?” Keith asks gently.
“I had a dream a couple nights ago,” Lance says, “and I don’t know who it was, but it was… well a man was touching me and I liked it.” Keith hums, trying to stay as neutral as possible. Lance needs to work through this on his own, Keith is just there to be a pillar of comfort. “And then I started thinking about it and I guess… I don’t know, I feel like maybe I’ve been missing a part of myself for a long time.”
“You don’t need to have a definitive answer, you know?” Keith says. Lance nods against his chest, cuddling into him more.
“I know,” Lance says, “but I want to know for myself. I want to know what I’m feeling.”
“So you liked the dream,” Keith says, “do you have any male celebrity crushes? Maybe you can try to decipher what kind of crushes they are.” Lance doesn’t answer right away and Keith is worried he’s said something wrong, but then he takes a deep breath and pulls away from Keith a bit.
“I-” his voice catches and he looks so lost and scared and it breaks Keith’s heart a little bit, “I think I’m into men.” The words seem to open a dam and tears start to spill down his cheeks. As Lance’s shoulders slump and he leans forward to collapse against Keith’s chest, Keith’s blood goes cold. Mother fucker, Matt was right. Holding Lance like this, seeing Lance being vulnerable, thinking of everything they’ve been through, something becomes very clear.
He’s in love with Lance.
–
Lance fell asleep in his arms, and he falls asleep again the second Keith puts him on his bed. Keith walks out of the room the second Lance is settled and slumps onto the couch heavily. He’s sort of mad at Matt. Until that idiot brought it up, Keith never even considered being into Lance. He knew Lance was objectively attractive and a great guy, but he just sort of… admired him. Apparently all it took was Lance having a sexuality crisis for Keith to know his feelings.
He feels like a jerk. Lance is clearly going through something big right now and he’s taken that as an opportunity to explore his own repressed feelings. Now is not the time for him to be feeling all of this. On top of that, just cause Lance is questioning if he likes guys, doesn’t mean Keith has a chance. Lance deserves so much better than Keith. Keith is confident he can’t give Lance everything he deserves.
Before he can spiral into something dangerous, his phone buzzes next to him, startling him out of his own head. Shiro is calling him and it’s nearly three in the morning. He gives his phone a puzzled look before he answers. “Shiro?” Keith says, “it’s late, is everything okay?” When he left Pidge’s apartment, Shiro and Matt were happily sharing a bag of chips on the couch.
“I was about to ask you that,” Shiro says, “you and Lance left in a hurry and he looked like he was about to pass out.” Keith sucks in a breath and looks towards Lance’s door.
“He was just… having a rough night,” Keith says. Shiro hums, but he doesn’t seem satisfied.
“You looked flustered,” Shiro says. Keith nods even though Shiro can’t see him. That’s definitely a way to describe it.
“I guess I was?” Keith says, “can I tell you something and not be met with judgement?”
“Of course,” Shiro says softly, “you can tell me anything.” Keith really shouldn’t rush into telling people this, but he’s never been more certain of something in his entire life. He doesn’t know how he went this long without realizing it.
“I'm almost entirely sure I’m really into Lance,” Keith says, “like, I probably love him. I think.” The line is silent for a few tense seconds and Keith wonders if he somehow said something wrong. But then he hears chuckling and his heart drops. “What?” Keith asks a little desperately.
“Sorry, it’s just… Matt was right,” Shiro says, “he’s always fucking right.” Keith groans and slumps further into the couch.
“This is stupid,” Keith grumbles.
“Hey, no it’s not,” Shiro says, “I think it’s great.” Keith huffs.
“Really? You think it’s great I’m hopelessly in love with my best friend?” Keith asks, “how is this possibly a good thing?”
“Because you’ve never actually been into someone before,” Shiro says, “this is good for you. For your brain.”
“It doesn’t feel very good,” Keith says. That’s only half true, but he’s focusing on the bad parts right now. Not that it feels really good to let his mind wander about Lance. Not that he feels unbelievably grateful to be his friend. Not that, because right now, he’s focused on the fact that this isn’t going to end well. “I don’t act normal around people I find hot,” Keith says quietly.
“But this is Lance,” Shiro says.
“Don’t you get it? That makes it worse,” Keith says, “what we have now… it’s really good. I don’t want to ruin it.”
“What makes you think this is going to ruin it?” Shiro asks carefully. Keith sighs. This is not the conversation he wants to be having right now.
“Shiro, I’m not having this conversation right now,” Keith says. As far as anyone else knows, Lance is straight, so he’s not sure what Shiro is so chipper about.
“He’s a good kid, he wouldn’t let something like this cause a problem,” Shiro says.
“I know that,” Keith says, “but it’s going to change things. It’s not something I’m going to be able to hide for very long. I don’t want that change to happen.” Shiro sighs and it sounds deep and full of wisdom.
“Keith, change has to happen, change is good,” Shiro says, “if you plan to keep Lance in your life for as long as you live, things will have to change. And hey, who knows, maybe it’ll change things for the better.” Keith doubts that quite fiercely, but he can’t say something self-deprecating around Shiro without getting his head bitten off.
“I guess so,” Keith says, “I’m really tired, but I appreciate you checking up on me. You and Matt got home safe?”
“He’s out cold on my lap right now,” Shiro says, “I won’t tell him he was right, I’ll leave that to you.” Keith somehow slumps further down the couch.
“How nice of you,” Keith says sarcastically.
“Try and get some good sleep, yeah?” Shiro says.
“Will do mom,” Keith grumbles before mumbling a quick goodnight and hanging up. This is some bullshit. Life and feelings and smart people are bullshit.
–
Keith wakes up curled on the couch, his neck sore from whatever position he fell asleep in. A lovely smell is wafting from the kitchen, and it helps him force himself into a sitting position. He looks over the back of the couch and sees Lance in the kitchen, humming and swaying his hips. His heart clenches. How did he go so long without knowing he was in love with Lance? He lets himself sit there and admire him for a little longer before making his consciousness known.
When he clears his throat, Lance looks over, smiling brightly. Fuck him and his lack of hangovers. Keith literally had three beers and he can feel a headache creeping up on him. “Good morning,” Lance says, “I made us breakfast.”
“You didn’t have to do that,” Keith says. Lance shrugs and pours juice into two empty glasses.
“You fell asleep on the couch and I know it hurts your neck when you do that,” Lance says, “I feel like it was partially my fault for being such a mess last night.” Keith shakes his head, pinching his brows.
“It’s definitely not your fault,” Keith says, “it’s Shiro’s.” Lance raises an eyebrow and Keith waves him off. He feels gross and in need of a shower and a good brush of his teeth. And of course Lance looks like a literal ray of sunshine.
“Whatever it is, I feel bad, come eat,” Lance says, “I’ll give you a neck massage after.” Keith’s heart melts as he walks over to the table. There’s a spread of fruit and plate stacked with bacon and eggs, over-easy just how Keith likes them. Right as he sits down, toast pops up from across the kitchen.
“This is a very classic breakfast,” Keith says, “I sort of feel like I’m in a movie.” Lance grins and tosses two pieces of toast to Keith.
“I was feeling fancy,” Lance says, “plus the bacon was gonna go bad if we didn’t use it soon. Your random BLT cravings have probably raised my cholesterol.” Keith chuckles as he piles food onto his plate.
“You don’t have to eat them every time I do,” Keith says. Lance rolls his eyes, building his own plate next to him.
“How can I not when the apartment smells like bacon?” Lance asks, “I have some self control, but that’s on another level entirely.” Keith shakes his head, trying not to ogle Lance too obviously. He looks really good like this, with flushed cheeks and a bright smile. He sort of always looks really good.
“Can I shower before you touch my neck?” Keith asks, “I feel gross.” Lance nods and kicks his ankle under the table.
“Duh,” Lance says, “we both have the day off today. All we have is time.” Keith nods and takes the first bite of his food. It’s delightful. They eat in complete silence and it’s really nice. Really fucking nice and way too domestic and Keith’s heart might jump out of his throat.
–
When he walks back into the living room after freshening up, Lance is sprawled on the couch reading Keith’s book. Keith rolls his eyes and pushes Lance’s legs out of the way. “Enjoying that book?” Keith asks. Lance hums, not taking his eyes away from the book. “Can I sit?” Keith asks when Lance moves his legs again.
“Sit in front of me,” Lance says, “gives me a better angle for your neck.” Keith chuckles and flops down in front of him.
“Sounds like what a serial killer would say,” Keith says. Lance sets the book down and his legs come down to frame Keith’s shoulders. The warmth and proximity makes Keith shiver. He and Lance have always been rather touchy, but now it feels different. Now he knows how much more the simple touches mean to him.
“Do I look like a serial killer?” Lance asks.
“I don’t know, I can’t see you right now,” Keith says, “maybe you’re holding a knife.” Lance lets out a huff and Keith feels it ruffle his hair. Then Lance’s fingers are threading through his hair and all words die on his tongue.
“Does that feel like a knife?” Lance teases. Keith doesn’t answer, he just lets his eyes flutter shut. After a few seconds, he lets out a long breath and opens his eyes.
“That’s not my neck,” Keith says softly.
“Are you complaining?” Lance asks.
“Absolutely not,” Keith says, “I’ll shut up.” Lance gets to work after that. It’s not often Lance offers a massage, but he’s damn good at it. Keith lets his eyes flutter shut again and melts as Lance does his thing. It’s really not fair how many things Lance is stupidly good at. Lance goes from his hair to his neck to his shoulders and Keith feels like he’s on cloud nine.
They stay in complete silence until Keith starts nodding off. Lance slowly takes his hands away and pats Keith’s head. “Falling asleep on me?” Keith hums, leaning his head against Lance’s knee.
“Hard not to,” Keith says, “I didn’t exactly get a lot of sleep last night.” Lance’s hand goes back to his head, just resting there. The contact is nice.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Lance says after a while, “I’m an ugly crier when I’m drunk.”
“You’re always an ugly crier,” Keith teases. Lance slaps his head softly and Keith chuckles.
“Thanks for being there though,” Lance says, “the thought of it has crossed my mind more than I’d like to admit. That dream sort of pushed me over the edge, I guess.” He can feel Lance tense up a little bit, so he puts a gentle hand on his calf.
“Sometimes that’s all it takes,” Keith says. Lance hums, moving his hand down to pinch Keith’s ear softly.
“I think I am bi,” Lance says, “I feel pretty sure about that now.” Keith nods against his leg and finally turns to look at him. Lance actually looks quite relieved, which is much better than how scared he looked last night.
“You don’t have to label anything if you don’t want to,” Keith says. Lance nods and Keith turns to rest his head on his knee again. He doesn’t really want to move right now. He doesn’t want to think about the way his heart is racing.
“I know you said you just kinda knew, but who was your gay awakening?” Lance asks. Keith hums and closes his eyes as he thinks. After a while, he sighs when the memory comes back to him.
“Beast Boy,” Keith says, “and Ben10.” Lance bursts into laughter and Keith leans away from him with a scowl on his face. “Beast Boy was really funny in Teen Titans!” Keith defends, “and you can’t tell me Ben10 wasn’t cool as hell.” Lance just shakes his head, holding his middle like this is the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “What?” Lance takes a deep breath, his cheeks flushed from the laughter.
“Nothing,” Lance says, “I just… I didn’t expect Beast Boy. We’ve never really talked about what your type is until now.”
“I guess not,” Keith says, “I’m not sure I have a type.” Lance raises an eyebrow.
“Give me some more crushes, childhood or present,” Lance says. Keith's heart starts to go into overdrive, but he tries to ignore it. Lance isn’t asking him to confess his love, no matter how much it feels like that.
“Well, I was a big fan of Sokka in Avatar,” Keith says, “and the older brother in Good Luck Charlie. More recent… I mean, Andy Samberg is pretty hot in Brooklyn Nine Nine.” As Keith lists these characters, he realizes they’re all pretty similar. And all not too far from Lance. He hopes he’s not flushing too deeply. He's an oblivious idiot, it seems.
“Interesting,” Lance says, “you like funny guys.” Keith shrugs. Maybe he does. He’s never really put much thought into what his type is. He’s always just found seemingly random guys hot. Apparently it’s not so random.
“What about you then? Any characters you can look back on now and realize it was a crush?” Keith asks. Lance seems to think really hard about this and the expression on his face is adorable.
“To piggyback off of you, I liked Robin in Teen Titans,” Lance says, “and Zuko in Avatar. I feel like I was also sort of obsessed with Danny Phantom.” Lance’s cheeks start to go a little pink and Keith can’t help but look at him fondly.
“So you like… emotionally stunted guys?” Keith asks playfully. Lance rolls his eyes and the small remaining tension in his shoulders seems to melt away.
“This feels nice,” Lance says, “being able to talk about this with someone who gets it. I always felt sort of weird about how I admired men, but it makes sense now.” He laughs a little at himself and Keith lifts himself up to sit next to him.
“You can talk to me about hot guys whenever you want,” Keith says. Lance smacks his shoulder, but then a devious look comes over his face.
“We’re doing a tier list," Lance says.
“What?” Keith asks.
“A tear list of hot male characters,” Lance says, “perfect way to spend my first day being bi.” Keith sighs.
“We’re going to argue over every guy,” Keith says, “I think we have different types.”
“That’s what makes it fun!” Lance says, “oh! Another crush just came to mind. Don’t judge me.” Keith just raises an eyebrow and waits patiently. “Rick.”
“Like… from Rick and Morty?” Keith asks with horror. Lance nods.
“He’s an asshole in a hot way,” Lance says. They look at each other in silence for a couple seconds before they burst into laughter. Maybe being in love with Lance isn’t too bad. Keith still feels like himself. For now.
–
“It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a bar,” Lance says, “I’m so excited to dance.” Honestly, the last thing Keith wants to do is go to a bar, but once he’s there and everyone is having a good time, he’ll have fun too. Probably. “Are you going to dance?”
“What do you think?” Keith asks from the couch. Lance huffs and throws a towel at him from the kitchen.
“You’re no fun,” Lance says with a pout, “I just wanna dance with my best friend.” Keith looks over his shoulder at Lance and raises an eyebrow.
“Are you trying to guilt trip me?” Keith asks. Lance smiles and shrugs like he’s innocent.
“Is it really so bad to dance?” Lance asks.
“For me, sort of yeah,” Keith says, “I have many things, rhythm is not one of them.” Lance comes around to sit next to him, handing him a cup of tea. Keith feels old as hell needing ginger tea before going out to drink. “You didn’t have to make this for me.”
“You always have one before we go out,” Lance says. Keith has been noticing all these small things since his feelings came to light. He knew Lance was a good, thoughtful person, but now he’s really seeing how thoughtful he is. “Can you at least consider dancing with me?”
“What about this?” Keith says, “if they play Macarena, I’ll join you.” Lance’s grin is worth any amount of embarrassing dancing.
–
“You’re going to hate me,” Pidge says, sliding a beer over to Keith. Keith looks away from where Lance is dancing and squints at her.
“What did you do?” Keith asks. Pidge bites her lip and glances over Keith’s shoulder at Hunk and Shay at the bar.
“So Lance may have told me you made a promise with him,” Pidge says, “and you know, I’m good friends with the DJ that’s here tonight-”
“No you didn’t,” Keith says flatly.
“Lance gets really sad when you don’t dance with him,” Pidge says, “and I really want to see you do the Macarena.” Keith glares at her and squeezes the cold bottle of beer in his hand.
“You suck,” Keith says, “you might actually be the worst. Clubs never play that shit anymore.” Pidge shrugs, a shit eating grin on her face.
“Lance will be happy,” Pidge says simply, “you probably have ten minutes.” With that, she’s up and out of the booth before Keith can say another word. Keith looks back over at Lance and his chest warms. Lance is grinning, moving so easily with the music and he looks absolutely beautiful. Keith swirls his bottle around for a few minutes contemplating what to do. He has just about no rhythm and he’s not drunk enough to avoid being embarrassed.
Before he can make a decision, he hears the start of the Macarena and his heart stops. Lance looks at him from across the room and his jaw drops. It turns out Keith is a very weak man, because his legs start moving without a second thought. Before he knows it, he’s stopped in front of Lance. “I can’t believe it,” Lance says. Keith sighs, but he can’t help the smile that creeps up on his face. “Please tell me you do know the Macarena.”
“Of course I do,” Keith says, “I’m not a psychopath.” Lance raises an eyebrow.
“Are you sure? I’ve seen you put the milk before the cereal before,” Lance says. Keith shoves his shoulder and Lance laughs. His laughter carries into the music and Keith can’t help but stare openly. There’s just enough alcohol in his system for him to be a bit unashamed. As the music goes on, Lance does the dance, looking at Keith expectantly. It only takes a little bit of eyebrow dancing for Keith to start dancing with him.
Keith actually finds himself having a good time. Lance is the only person Keith could have this much fun dancing with. And the Macarena of all things. But Keith is laughing and smiling and bumping hips with Lance. Lance looks so unabashedly happy and carefree and it makes Keith feel a little more carefree too. It’s nice seeing someone be so confident. When the song is over, Lance forces him to stay for another song and Keith can’t say no.
Eventually, Keith gets sick of dancing and drags Lance back to their booth. He shoves Lance into the corner and sits next to him. “How are you not more tired?” Keith asks, grabbing his now lukewarm beer.
“Dancing energizes me,” Lance says, “it makes me feel alive.”
“You’re so cheesy,” Keith says. Lance smiles, steals a sip of his beer and slides out of the booth.
“I’m going back out there if you don’t mind,” Lance says, “if you need me, you know where to find me.” With that, he starts walking back to the dance floor. Keith just sighs and settles into the booth, joining in on the conversation Matt and Hunk are having. He manages to avoid staring at Lance for a while, but when the conversation starts to go into some science stuff he doesn’t understand, he can’t help but look for him in the crowd.
He regrets it immediately. Lance is dancing with another guy, which is fine, except they’re not just dancing, their lips are dancing. Lance is full on making out with some random guy and Keith feels like he’s going to throw up. He rips his eyes away and stares down at his empty bottle. He’s squeezing it a little too tight. “Keith?” Hunks voice snaps him out of it and he looks over at him.
“Yeah?” Keith says. His voice comes out strained and he feels a little bit mortified.
“Are you okay?” Hunk asks, “see someone you know or something?” Keith shakes his head and starts scooting to the edge of the booth.
“Just need some fresh air,” Keith says, “the beer isn’t sitting well.” Hunk raises an eyebrow, but he seems convinced enough.
“Text me if you need anything,” Hunk says. Keith nods and gives him a genuine smile. He rushes away from the table, still clutching the bottle firmly in his hand. He doesn’t dare look back in Lance’s direction as he rushes out of the bar. He feels a bit of the panic leave him when he’s hit with fresh air, but his chest is still tight and his palms are sweating. He walks past the crowds of people smoking and presses his back against an empty part of the wall.
He was supposed to be able to handle this. He was fine with one sided feelings for Lance. This was going to be easy and possible and viable for the foreseeable future. But the way his heart is racing and his stomach is clenching, prove that’s not true. It’s not possible. Just the thought of Lance with someone else makes bile rise in Keith’s throat, a ferocious sort of jealousy he’s never felt before twisting his insides.
He’s not sure he’s ever wanted something as much as he wants Lance right now. He smacks the empty bottle against his thigh and hisses out a breath. This is really bad. This is really embarrassing. He leans his head back and takes a deep breath. He had no idea this is how he would react. Lance doesn’t belong to him, Lance isn’t his to have and protect, yet he feels an almost unstoppable urge to burst in there and rip that guy away from Lance.
There’s no way he can go back in there knowing he might see more of that. He sets the empty bottle down, and after a moment of consideration, slides to sit down on the sidewalk. This is pretty sad. He looks over at the other people outside, all of them oblivious to the way his mind is actively crumbling. He needs to get over his feelings for Lance before he loses everything they have. He can’t lose Lance as a friend, he just can’t. The sidewalk is cold and hard against his ass, but he doesn’t move a muscle.
It’s only when he starts shivering that someone comes out to find him. He’s sort of relieved to see Shay approaching him. She has this wise air about her that’s oddly reassuring, even if she is younger than him. “Is everything okay? Hunk mentioned you weren’t feeling well.” Keith nods, and before he can stand up, Shay slides down to sit next to him.
“You really don’t need to-” Keith starts.
“Something’s bothering you,” Shay says. She sounds so confident that it’s a little startling.
“I guess so,” Keith says quietly.
“Can I guess?” Shay asks, tucking her knees to her chest.
“Sure,” Keith mumbles. Shay looks at him, seemingly unbothered that he’s not looking back.
“You saw Lance with that guy and it’s not feeling too good?” Shay says. Keith pinches his brows and finally looks at her.
“Fuck, how obvious am I?” Keith asks. Shay shrugs, her expression soft and understanding.
“It’s the way you look at him,” Shay says, “it’s changed the past few weeks.” Keith swallows and looks down at his fidgeting hands.
“I thought I’d be able to live with it, but it feels like my heart is going to leap out of my throat,” Keith says, “I’m not sure I’ve ever felt jealous or possessive before. It’s a lot.” Shay nods and puts a hand on his knee. It’s warm and comforting.
“You should tell him,” Shay says. Keith tries not to roll his eyes.
“Lance would never reciprocate and I don’t want to put him through something awkward like that,” Keith says.
“You sound so sure,” Shay says. Keith blows a gust of air out of his mouth and closes his eyes.
“He’s too good for me,” Keith says, “it’s fine.” Shay sighs and kicks his ankle before standing up.
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Shay says, extending a hand to help him up, “you can’t know the outcome unless you say something. I just… I don’t think you should have to be miserable about this.” Keith takes her hand and stands up, brushing off his pants.
“I don’t think I can take any of the possible answers,” Keith says, “I don’t want to hear his rejection, I don’t want to make things awkward, and I really- I can’t lose him.”
“You’re thinking about it too much,” Shay says, “I can’t force you into anything, but just think about it, yeah?” Keith follows her back inside.
“You’re reminding me of Shiro right now,” Keith mumbles.
“And I take that as a compliment,” Shay says, “now go in there and have fun and do your best to be normal around your best friend.” Keith nods and allows himself to be pushed the rest of the way to the table.
–
Almost an hour passes before Lance comes back to the table. He’s flushed, smiling and he looks exhausted. Keith is slumped in the corner nursing his fourth beer when Lance sits down. “How’s everyone doing?” Lance asks. It’s only Keith and Matt at the table.
“Good,” Matt says, “Shiro and I are going to head home though, he’s just taking a piss.” Lance nods and leans forward to rest his elbows on the table.
“You look tired,” Lance says to Keith. Keith nods and takes a small sip of his beer, “wanna head home?”
“Yeah,” Keith says quietly. Honestly, he’s exhausted and he just wants to sleep all of these intense feelings away.
“What’s wrong?” Lance asks softly, leaning closer so only Keith can hear him. Keith tries not to think about how Lance somehow smells good after dancing for hours.
“Nothing,” Keith says. Lance shakes his head.
“Don’t lie to me,” Lance says. His voice is so gentle and it’s making it hard for Keith to concentrate.
“I just wanna go home,” Keith says. Lance bites his lip and studies Keith’s face.
“Okay,” Lance says, grabbing Keith’s wrist, “we’re leaving, tell everyone we said goodbye.” Matt gives him a thumbs up and gives Keith a knowing look. Keith quickly looks away and follows Lance outside, leaving his half finished beer behind.
–
The second they’re in the apartment, Lance kicks his shoes off and wraps Keith in a tight hug. Keith freezes for a second, but he can’t help the way he melts into it. Lance’s hugs will forever be the most comforting thing. “I’m sorry something’s making you sad,” Lance mumbles into his shoulder.
“I promise I’m okay,” Keith says, hating how he has to lie through his teeth. Lance pulls back just enough to look at him.
“I’ve known you since middle school,” Lance says, “I can tell when something is bothering you.” Keith looks down and tries to get his heart to calm down. He’s an adult. He can do this.
“I uh- I don’t really wanna talk about it right now,” Keith says. Lance frowns and pulls him back into a hug.
“Did something happen at the bar?” Lance asks.
“Sort of,” Keith says. He finds it easier to talk when he doesn’t have to look at Lance.
“Did someone do something to you? Was James there? I’ll literally slash his tires if he did something,” Lance says, pulling away from the hug, but keeping his arms on Keith’s shoulders.
“James wasn’t there,” Keith says, “it’s okay. I’m okay.” Lance pinches his brows and chews his lip.
“Talk about it in the morning?” Lance asks. Keith nods, wanting nothing more than to lay down and pass out. “Okay, I’ll let you get to bed then.” He sounds sad and Keith hates it. Lance’s arms drop from his shoulders. He doesn’t want to lie to Lance.
“Hey, I uh- I saw you dancing with some guy,” Keith says, “make any strides on the whole bi thing?” Lance shifts a little uncomfortably at this and it makes Keith’s stomach clench.
“I guess so,” Lance says, “I mean… I definitely enjoy kissing men, so that’s that.” Keith tries to smile, he really does, but he knows Lance can see through it. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Keith nods and reaches out to squeeze Lance’s shoulder.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” Keith says. Lance nods and gives him an adorable little wave as they go their separate ways. Keith tosses and turns for an hour before he can fall asleep, despite how tired he is. Fuck emotions.
–
Keith wakes up feeling groggy and anxious. Turns out sleeping did not get rid of his stupid feelings. He has the day off, so he shuffles around the apartment cleaning things up until Lance comes home from work in the evening. He feels weird, but Lance is his normal chipper self. It’s almost strange seeing Lance act normal, knowing they both went to bed feeling strange. Lance has always been really good at bouncing back though.
When Lance comes out of the shower, Keith has some ramen ready for both of them. Lance manages to hold himself back until they sit down with their food. “Tell me what’s wrong?” Lance asks, stirring his food around. Keith sighs, looking down at the noodles swirling around his bowl.
“I uh… I don’t know if I can,” Keith says honestly. He knows Lance is pouting, but he doesn’t want to see it.
“You can tell me anything,” Lance says.
“I know,” Keith says, “I trust you more than anyone.”
“So why can’t you tell me?” Lance asks. Keith finally looks up at him and he regrets it immediately. Lance looks hurt.
“It’s not the right time,” Keith says. He doesn’t want it to seem like he’s taking advantage of Lance because of his recent sexuality crisis. He doesn’t want Lance to think he’s only feeling this way because Lance is now an option. He doesn't want Lance to think he's using him.
“Not the right time?” Lance asks, “Keith, I don’t get it.” If Lance keeps looking at him like this, he’s going to crack.
“After we eat?” Keith asks. It’ll buy him some time to build up the nerve to do it. His friends are right. Lance is a good person and he would never let something like this ruin what they have.
“Okay,” Lance says, “now you’re going to be stuck listening to me rant about work though.” Keith smiles as he takes a bite of his food.
“That’s okay,” Keith says. And it really is. Keith loves when Lance rambles.
–
Keith gets to ignore the elephant in the room for almost two hours before Lance brings it up again. They’re sitting on the small couch on their balcony, both resting on an arm rest. Their toes are touching and they’re both scrolling silently on their phones. It’s a pretty average evening for them. “Okay, I can’t keep scrolling, I’m not even looking at anything,” Lance says, “you’re tense.” Keith sighs and puts his phone down. He was hoping they could go to bed like everything is good and dandy.
“It’s sort of a big thing,” Keith says. Lance nods and puts his phone down to give Keith his full attention.
“That’s okay,” Lance says, “I can handle it.” Keith starts picking at his nails and Lance immediately picks up on how nervous he is based on the look on his face.
“It’s going to change things,” Keith says, “god I sound so dramatic right now.” Lance tilts his head a fraction.
“It’s fine,” Lance says, “if you really don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you.” Keith nods and takes a deep breath.
“I love you,” Keith says. Lance pinches his brows.
“I love you too,” Lance says, clearly confused. Keith takes another much needed deep breath.
“Lance, I love you,” Keith says, “as in I want to hold you and kiss you and be with you.” Keith can’t believe the words just came out of his mouth. He can’t believe he’s actually admitting it out loud to Lance’s face. Lance stares at him for a while in silence and Keith feels like crawling out of his skin and disappearing forever. He pulls his knees up to his chest, slipping his feet out from under Lance’s. This seems to snap Lance back into reality.
“Keith…” Lance says. His face is unreadable, and his voice barely above a whisper.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Keith says, “I thought it was only fair that you knew. And when I saw you making out with that guy last night it just… I don’t know, it set something off in me and I didn’t feel right keeping this from you.” Lance nods and audibly swallows. “I know the timing is bad with your recently discovered feelings towards guys, but I really didn’t do this on purpose.”
“I know,” Lance says quietly, “you wouldn’t. You’d never use me.” Keith nods, still unsure what Lance is feeling.
“Do you want me to go-” Keith starts.
“No,” Lance says, “stay. I just- I need a second to think. Can I have that?” Keith nods, hugging his arms around his knees tightly.
“Of course,” Keith says. He tucks his head against his knees so he doesn’t have to look at Lance. The suspense of Lance’s response is nearly killing him, but he owes this time of silence to Lance. It’s not every day your childhood best friend/roommate expresses their love for you. Their definitely not platonic love. It takes every bit of self restraint he has, but he keeps his head down, listening to Lance’s slightly erratic breathing.
He prepares himself for every possible outcome. He prepares himself for rejection, he prepares for Lance wanting to move out and for things to change for the worst. He’s ready to start the lengthy process of moving on. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t know what to say,” Lance says. Keith looks up, trying not to let the rapidly forming tears drop.
“That’s okay,” Keith says, voice shaky.
“No, it’s not okay,” Lance says, “you deserve an answer.”
“Lance, you really don’t have to-” Keith starts.
“Look, I don’t know what I’m feeling right now,” Lance says, “this is a lot and I think my brain is malfunctioning a little bit.”
“You don’t need to have an answer right now,” Keith says. Lance shakes his head and bites his lip.
“It’s just… I literally just realized I’m into men, right? And that was a huge thing and it made so many puzzle pieces snap into place in my brain. And that was a lot. Like… it was exhausting realizing I was missing out on so much of myself,” Lance says. He takes a shaky breath and squeezes his hands on his knees. “And you’re my best friend and you’re really important to me and I want you to be in my life for as long as I live. I don’t really wanna do this whole life thing without you.” Keith’s heart thumps heavily against his ribs. He has no idea where this is going.
“I guess what I’m saying is that you’re definitely hot and probably my type, which I’m sure you noticed when we did that tier list," Lance says, “but I have no idea what the hell is going on in my brain right now.” Keith just stares at him, unsure what to say. His brain keeps latching onto the fact that Lance thinks he’s hot.
“I- what should I do?” Keith asks, “do you need some space?” Lance shakes his head and leans forward to pull at the hem of his pants around his ankles. He looks really nervous.
“I uh- well… I think maybe I need you to kiss me?” Lance says, sounding extremely unsure. Keith’s breath catches in his throat and he just about has a heart attack.
“You… don’t sound so sure,” Keith says, not wanting to take advantage of Lance in any way.
“Oh, I’m definitely sure,” Lance says, seeming to gain back some of his confidence,”I’m just worried.”
“What, that I’m not a good kisser?” Keith asks, trying to ease some of the tension.
“Keith, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be wrong about this,” Lance says.
“I trust you,” Keith says, “you know your own feelings. Do what you think is right. I know you’ll make the best choice.” Lance’s face softens at that and he stops fidgeting with his pants.
“Okay, then yeah, you should definitely kiss me,” Lance says, “for sure.” Keith smiles even though he still feels like he’s dying. “Come over here, I don’t wanna move.” Keith shakes his head and leans forward to crawl over to Lance. He does not appreciate the way Lance laughs at him.
“What?” Keith asks, stopping right above Lance’s face.
“You looked really stupid crawling like that,” Lance says honestly. It’s nice to see him smiling genuinely again.
“Do you want me to kiss you or not?” Keith asks. Lance doesn’t answer, he just grabs the front of Keith’s shirt and pulls their lips together. Any remaining anxiety trickles out of Keith’s body the second they melt into the kiss. It feels so natural. Lance’s lips are warm and pliant against his and he tastes like the cherry pie they had for dessert. He has no idea how Lance is feeling about all of this, but he knows he’s having a damn good time.
When his lungs start to squeeze and his elbow starts to ache from holding himself over Lance, he pulls back. Lance’s eyes flutter open and sparkle up at Keith. His cheeks are flushed, his lips glossy and plump. He looks perfect. “Thoughts?” Keith says playfully.
“You’re a good kisser,” Lance says. Keith smiles and leans back to relieve his elbow.
“Do you want me to kiss you again?” Keith asks. Lance bites his lip and flushes darker.
“Yeah,” Lance says. So Keith does and this time he doesn’t hold a single thing back.
–
Keith’s has never been one to go into things slowly. He doesn’t take his time and he doesn’t savour things like he should. But with Lance, it’s different. With Lance, he’s gentle and cautious. With Lance, he wants to do things right. So they do wake up in the same bed the next morning, but they did nothing more than cuddle. Lance is still learning so much about himself and Keith doesn’t want to interfere with that cause of his libido.
It’s really nice waking up with Lance though. It’s not like they haven’t fallen asleep squished together on a couch, or passed out in some random house after a party, but this is different. Lance is wrapped around him, nuzzling into his chest like a cat. He’s as clingy as Keith hoped. Unfortunately, his bladder has objections and he has to reluctantly slide Lance off of him. “Where’r you goin’?” Lance slurs, reaching out for Keith.
“To take a piss,” Keith says.
“Come back,” Lance whines, “m’ cold.” Keith shakes his head, looking down at Lance fondly. He’s adorable when he’s sleepy.
“I’ll be quick,” Keith says. Lance huffs and curls in on himself. What has Keith gotten himself into? When he comes back, Lance reaches out for him again and Keith’s heart swells. He slides in next to him and Lance cuddles up to him immediately. “You’re adjusting to this rather quickly,” Keith says.
“I realized it’s not that complicated,” Lance says, peering up at Keith.
“Yeah?” Keith asks, trying not to be too hopeful.
“I mean, we’ve always been really close,” Lance says, “not much will change if we move forward with this. We had a lot of the dating stuff going on already.” Keith hums and threads his fingers through the hair at the back of Lance’s neck. Lance hums and his eyes flutter shut. “Stuff like this,” Lance says, “I can’t count how many times I’ve fallen asleep in your lap while you play with my hair.” Keith closes his eyes and thinks back to all of their time together. They are pretty clingy and touchy.
“I think I was an idiot for a long time,” Keith says. Lance chuckles and reaches up to poke Keith’s cheek.
“I don’t think you were,” Lance says, “I think feelings work in weird ways. Yours actually ended up having pretty convenient timing.” Keith bites his lip, but it doesn’t stop the words from coming out.
“I knew for sure the night you sort of came out to me,” Keith blurts. Lance stills and looks up at him with wide blue eyes.
“Am I that pretty when I cry?” Lance teases. But his voice is soft like he’s in awe.
“I don’t know what it was honestly, but something about that moment, about holding you in my arms flipped the switch,” Keith says, “feelings are weird.” Lance pokes him again, but his finger stays on Keith’s chest and starts tracing shapes.
“Yours specifically,” Lance says, “I recall you saying I was into emotionally stunted people? Seems that you fit the bill,” Keith rolls his eyes, but there’s a fond smile on his face. “You remind me a lot of Zuko and he was my biggest crush.”
“That’s extremely flattering,” Keith says. Lance just smiles and kisses Keith’s shoulder before settling back in against his chest. Keith is really glad they both work evening shifts tonight, he has absolutely zero desire to get out of bed.