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The obvious mistake Olruggio made was letting himself be talked into working downstairs to watch the girls while Qifrey was away. It was one of those annoying mistakes where you don't notice that the line is slightly crooked, or the size of the circle is off, or you forget something painfully obvious, and you don't notice it until it's too late.
“Master Olly?” He turned at Tetia’s voice. Behind her, the girls stood in a line—the first red flag—each with roughly the same level of interest, even Agott, to a certain extent. She clearly found this annoying, but she still stood with them, which spoke volumes. “Can I ask you a question?”
Indeed, almost an amateurish mistake. The girls are capable of practicing alone, and Qifrey shouldn't be gone for very long. It wasn't even difficult to refuse. Olruggio is half sure that Qifrey ask him to look for them so that Olruggio himself could get out into the sun, and not for the girls. In case of an emergency, they know where to find him, but the room would provide protection.
"Of course," he said, turning and giving them his full attention. "Problems with the spell?"
"No-no, not really," Tetia said, winding her hair around her finger. "You're the Watchful Eye of the Atelier, right?"
“That’s right,” he drawled. Qifrey should have told them what it was, but perhaps it was too much to hope for "thats—"
"We know what it is," Agott interrupted, glaring at Tetia. Olruggio waited for a nod from Coco, just in case.
"So you here for Master Qifrey?"
His very first mistake, he thinks, was letting Qifrey take on apprentices and thinking it wouldn't affect him in any way.
They should have stopped on Richeh.
"Well, it's more complicated than that—" he exhaled irritably, rubbing the back of his head. He wasn't sure why he even tried. Tetia was almost hopping on her toes, Coco was looking at him like he was about to show her new spell, Richeh looked like he was hiding food, and even Agott was frowning. They were waiting for his obvious answer, not a lecture on the complexity of his position "But yeah, basically"
Tetia's scream deafened him.
"I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" she shouted, jumping and spinning Coco around in a circle, who smiled back at her.
"It's his work!" Agott raised her voice, trying to shout over the excited chatter, in a tone that suggested this was an argument that had been going on for some time. "It's not the same! It doesn't mean anything at all!"
If only Olruggio could understand what they were talking about.
"You and Master Qifrey are really close," Coco said with a smile as Tetia left her to wander alone.
"Yeah..." Olruggio liked to believe that it was true. Just this tone...
Oh.
“Why did you decide to become Master Qifrey’s Watchful Eye?” Richeh asked quietly, drawing everyone’s attention back to him. “Did he ask you to do this?”
Oh no.
“Didn’t Qifrey give you any assignments?” Olruggio waved at them, hoping to chase them away before they noticed his face burning. He’d been through enough of this as a child and had heard enough of it as adult, there is absolutely no need to involve girls also.
"It was for Master Qifrey's sake, wasnt it" Agott commented, sounding slightly surprised. Olruggio frowned.
"I knew you were dating! I knew!" Tetia screamed.
"We're not dating!" Olruggio shot to his feet in a wave of panic, looking around. Knowing full well his luck, Qifrey could appear at this very moment. "And can you stop screaming?"
“You like Master Qifrey?” Agott pointed at him. Her sentence wasn't a question, but it definitely sounded like one.
Why are children so loud?
“And Master Qifrey likes you.” Richeh nodded, stars shining in her eyes.
"You already live together, and help each other, and cook together, and—" Coco smiled broadly, resting her hands on her cheeks.
"That's not—!" The problem was that Olruggio knew how it looked like from the outside, so he didn't even have any good objections.
“You should start dating!” Tetia interrupted firmly, as if they were her favorite characters and not, well, people. The girls nodded in agreement except for Agott, who seemed to be going through her own personal crisis at the same time as Olruggio.
"It's none of your business." He wished his voice hadn't been so strained. Maybe then it would have actually affected them.
“But you two are so cute together,” Tetia said dreamily. “Master Qifrey must know how you feel!”
Olruggio covered his face with his hands, giving up. Because things between them are a little less straightforward than the girls see them to be, and he really isn't in the mood to explain all the nuances. If only he hadn't come down and agreed to sit with them, he wouldn't have to. It's his own fault he's here. He has no one to blame but himself.
"It's a little more complicated than that—" he began weakly. Another mistake. Children sense weakness. They can smell it a mile away, and Tetia, with that determined expression, was ready to take advantage of every moment.
Coco frowned, obviously not understanding what could be so complicated about this. Richeh looked at him as though he were an idiot (maybe not in those exact words, but he felt like he was being called an idiot under that look). Only Agott still hadn't fully recovered.
"There's nothing complicated about it," Tetia pouted, looking back at Coco and waving her hands as if this completely proved her point. Coco looked back at him and then at Tetia. He could see that she agreed with Tetia, but also that she was uncomfortable admitting it so openly in front of him. "You will make each other happy! That's the main thing!"
"We're already happy where we are," he said, trying not to sound condescending and failing miserably, judging by the way Tetia pouted and Richeh's gaze.
And at this moment, of course, his luck struck.
“I’m home!” Qifrey’s voice came with the sound of the door opening.
"Master Qifrey!" Tetia shouted as she started running. Olruggio felt the color drain from his face. Everything around him slowed down, and even so, he knew he didn't have enough time to stop the too-loud, too-active kid who was determined to ruin his life.
The sound of her small footsteps echoing in his ears was the sound of nails being hammered into Olruggio's coffin. He had barely begun to pray that Tetia would use something sufficiently vague in her own phrasing, something to which Qifrey could reply, "Of course, we're good friends," when he saw Agott crash into the other girl at a speed beyond the reach of standard levitation circles.
They fell to the floor with a loud thud, rolling a little, and Agott didn't hesitate for a second before climbing on top of Tetia and covering the other girl's face with both hands.
Agott was his favorite child, Olruggio decided.
"Agott! Tetia!" Qifrey dropped the groceries by the door and immediately ran up to the girls. Tetia hit Agott in the face with her hands and kicked her legs, trying to get free, but Agott, despite the obvious embarrassment on her face, held on.
Qifrey sat down next to them, reaching out to pull them apart, but Coco and Richeh were faster. Coco stood in front of Qifrey, effectively stopping his interference and blocking the scene, while Richeh helped Agott.
"You're ruining the surprise!" Agott shouted breathlessly, obviously blurting out the first thing that came to mind. Olruggio hoped that was obvious only to him. Tetia mumbled discontentedly into Agott's hands, Agott's voice trailing off as she added, "W-we have to listen to Master Olly first! You can't just—!"
"It's not right to decide for others," Richeh nodded seriously. Olruggio remembered how Qifrey had once said something similar, letting her draw her own circles with a gentle smile.
It would have been a relief to know that the lessons were taking hold, if not for the sheer horror with which he continued to watch the scene.
He forced himself to look away from the girls and at Qifrey. Eye wide, lips pursed. One hand already held a pen, and the other was reaching for a notebook. He froze for a second as he looked up at Olruggio, silently asking.
Olruggio took a deep breath. He should keep his composure. One of them needed to, and Qifrey was clearly in no state to do so.
...Everything would be much easier if Qifrey stopped reacting to everything the girls did with so much panic.
"Everyone's alive, no one's hurt, no one's in trouble," he told him. The girls turned around, and Olruggio was already in this mess, so, resigning himself to a terrible conversation, he continued, "We just need to talk, right?"
The girls nodded uncertainly. Tetia calmed down but continued to glare at him.
“Olly,” Qifrey began, the strange note still lingering in his voice, so Olruggio decided to do better.
“I'll explain it to you later, okay?” he said more honestly, more quietly, hoping he would see the sincerity.
“Well, I sure hope so,” Qifrey sighed displeasedly, then turned his gaze to the girls. He hesitated for a second, then shook his head and got up from the floor, apparently deciding not to give the lecture on physical violence. “Will you finish your… conversation before dinner?”
"Of course," Olruggio replied as he stood up.
"Ew!" Agott exclaimed, quickly removing her hands from Tetia and shaking them as though they had touched something disgusting, while Tetia stuck her tongue out at her from the floor with a wicked smile.
Olruggio swallowed and looked away.
"I don't understand why not!" Tetia aggressively sat down on the floor, the last one, with her arms crossed "You make each other happy! And you are very cute together!"
"Tetia," Olruggio took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling, thinking. There's probably no good way to say this, he realized as he ran a hand through his hair, so maybe it's better to say it as it is "Qifrey doesn't like me. Not romantically."
“What makes you say that, Master Olly?” Coco asked cautiously. Olruggio knew that tone.
"Adults are stupid" Richeh frowned, saying out loud what was on the others' faces.
And Olruggio understood, he really understood.
"Master Qifrey doesn't like you," Agott repeated his words. "You didn't say you didn't like him."
"I said what I said," he turned away, feeling the heat rising to his cheeks. What an achievement — Olruggio thinks, trying not to grimace — discussing the details of his own romantic life with kids.
"But he looks at you so tenderly," Tetia began to prove to him. "And he hugs you so tightly, and you spend the evenings together! It's like a date and—"
“I know, I understand where you got that idea,” he held up his hands, stopping her. To his surprise, she— they all were actually silent, perhaps from the sheer weariness in his voice, the kind that went a little deeper than he usually showed them, or perhaps from their own curiosity, or indulgence towards him.
They gave him time and Olruggio took it, trying to find the words.
None came. How exactly can he explain this, when Tetia looks at them as characters from fairy tales? She wants to see them as knights, heroes, she wants to believe in eternal love and destiny, always and forever mutual.
Of course, Olruggio had been through it a long time ago, he had found comfort. But when he was young, it wasn't easy, and it wouldn't be easy for them to hear it now either. In an ideal world, Olruggio wouldn't explain it to them at all, but it's what happens, and it's what might happen to them someday.
Olruggio hopes it will be later in their lives. He hopes for a distant "never."
"Your Master is a very gentle and kind person. Qifrey values me in his life, of course he does," he says quietly, a confession.
When he was younger, he also saw things that were not there. Because Qifrey likes to enter his personal space, to revolve in his orbit, to hold his waist, to keep his hand there, to put his head on his shoulder, to move closer so that their elbows, knees and shoulders were touching, leaving as little space between them as he could.
And when Qifrey laughs at his terrible joke and looks at him with his eyes shining. When he touches his cheek, so gently, drawing his attention, making a point. When he leans in, a little too close to say something. When Olruggio feels the hand running through his hair, when Qifrey thinks that he's asleep, at thouse moments it is so easy to make a mistake.
"But that doesn't mean— listen. A rejection is a rejection, no matter how gentle it is. And I— I don't want to insist on things that Qifrey doesn't feel for me."
Because maybe in the moonlight, Qifrey looks at him as if he were the brightest star in the entire night sky, the only one worth his attention, but that does not change the fact that he still leans away. Because when Olruggio made a mistake, when he acted, when he cautiously took his hand, Qifrey abruptly took his away. Because when the conversation became too delicate, and their dance barely crossed the line, Qifrey changed the subject to safer things.
Because after that, Qifrey always turned away, tried to pretend that nothing had changed, that nothing had happened. Olruggio saw Qifrey swallow his words, forcing a smile.
Olruggio saw the guilt that Qifrey concealed in his own eyes when he looked at him.
He still sees it, sometimes, in moments when the silence becomes too comfortable, and Olruggio doesn't hide his, without alcohol, drunken gaze.
Qifrey doesn't want to break his heart, he doesn't want to offend. He keeps quiet, sitting next to him as if he wants to comfort him. And Olruggio is grateful, so much so that it hurts, but explaining it without sounding tragic, even to himself, is difficult.
“Rejection?” Tetia repeated, quietly.
Olruggio forced himself to look at them. Agott pursed her lips, studying him intently, Richeh and Coco blinked in surprise, probably not expecting him to ever try to do anything with his own feelings, and Tetia... Tetia looked devastated.
“Well, what’s with all those faces?” he scratched his beard, laughing.
"But why?" Tetia asked, as if there was another, secret answer to this question. As if it would now turn out that Qifrey was also in love, and he didn't mean carefully closed doors and gently set boundaries, as if in reality it was some fantastic curse that separated them from a romantic relationship.
“I can’t make him fall in love with me, can I?” Olruggio put his hand on her shoulder, trying to speak softly, as Qifrey does. The words came out a little too rough “And even if I could… I wouldn’t want to.”
Because Qifrey knows, and he still trusts him with his heart, in a way that may not be romantic, but is nonetheless precious. He comes close, covers Olruggio with a blanket, and lets Olruggio rest his head on his shoulder. He is there, sharing a bottle of wine, not afraid that Olruggio will push or press.
Olruggio wouldn't trade it for anything. He wouldn't give up the memories they shared, romance be damned.
"Why not?"
"Tetia—" Coco took her hand, trying to comfort her, but Tetia began to shake her head, and with horror, Olruggio saw tears glistening.
“What if Master Qifrey finds someone else?” she asked, looking at Olruggio defiantly, as seriously as only children can. “What if he falls in love and– and will leave!”
"As long as you're here, that will not happen," Olruggio had no doubt about that, "you're always his first priority."
"Then what if he'll ask you to leave?"
"He won't get away from me that easily," Olruggio laughed, although it wasn't an answer, not quite.
Olruggio doesn't believe that Qifrey will leave him, nor will ask him to leave, right now he doesn't even believe that Qifrey is thinking about a relationship at all, but if it does happen, if Qifrey finds a witch he wants to spend the rest of his life with, while still having the Atelier...
There will always be a place for Olruggio, but it won't be in the room upstairs, will it? It won't be in the shared kitchen, it won't be sharing dinner at the same table.
“And when we grow up?” Agott asked. Qifrey had taught them well, they had all heard how he had dodged the question. “When Master Qifrey finds someone and has no reason to stay here? Or if he would want someone else to take over as Watchful Eye, what then?”
Olruggio ran his hand over his face, physically trying to compose himself.
He knew better than to think he'd outgrow his feelings, that he'd be able to live with someone other than Qifrey in the long term. A couple of months, yes, maybe even a year or two, but...
But they always left, and it was Olruggio who let them go. It's a little sad, but he can't bring himself to regret it, and he doesn't think he ever will. Olruggio, in truth, doesn't want that to change.
Qifrey is the only one he's comfortable living with, that's true, but it's also true that he's comfortable living alone. There's nothing to fix here. But telling girls that is effectively saying "I'm ready to be a sad old man all alone" which won't help matters, and lying isn't an option either.
“Dinner is ready!” Qifrey peeked out of the door, as always, on time.
As if on cue, Tetia stood up and ran past Qifrey, Coco almost immediately following her, trying to say something.
"H-hey!" he stood up, thinking of following them, not expecting either the speed or the sudden action, but in the end, he gave up, lowering his hand that was extended after them. It's not the first time someone thinks that if he's alone it means he's lonely, but that's not the point, is it? That is not the reason why she was crying.
Qifrey blinked at Olruggio, Olruggio wasn't sure what to say or do in response, so he just continued to stare back. Awkwardly.
"...I'll go get the girls," Qifrey exhaled, not insisting on answers now, and taking charge of conversations, which he handles better than Olruggio.
Olruggio knows that the questions will overtake him later, it's was just about priorities, but he was grateful anyway.
"I won't miss dinner because of this," Richeh said, walking towards the exit.
"…Aren’t you sad?” Agott asked in a quet voice, Olruggio turned around. The girl glanced at him, immediately lowering her gaze back to the floor.
"No, not really" he answered honestly "the fact that we're not dating doesn't mean that we're not important to each other. Romance isn't everything in this life. That would be nice, of course, but I'm happy the way I am."
Agott hesitated, but nodded.
"Don't think too much about it," he ran his hand through her hair. Almost immediately, there was a disgruntled "hey!"
"I'm going to eat!" she said, pushing his hands away. As she walked away from him with her head held high and her steps discontented, Agott did not forget to cast an angry glance at him.
He never agrees to answer questions that aren't about magic ever again. Never.
To say that dinner was awkward would be a lie. Richeh and Agott ate peacefully. Coco, who arrived later, with a slightly tearful Tetia also ate some, and they did not look too tense. The only thing was that Qifrey may have fussed over the girls a bit too much, but that was not surprising considering everything.
So no, for the others the dinner was perfectly ordinary. It was uncomfortable only for Olruggio, who really thought of just running off to his own workshop, but was stopped by Qifrey's unimpressed gaze.
As the girls began to disperse, Olruggio almost asked Agott to stay, just in case. He did not say it out loud, and the girl ignored his silent cry for help, which he gave with his eyes.
He gathered up the dishes and began drawing circles to wash them when Qifrey finally decided to bring up the subject.
“Olly,” Qifrey said in his tone, which immediately made Olruggio wince, “do you want to explain what made Tetia cry?”
No, not exactly, but that's a bad answer.
"You know I'm bad with kids," he replied instead.
"That's frankly not true." Qifrey's voice was...odd, for lack of a better word. Olruggio had really expected to hear more discontent.
And Qifrey hesitated. He did not start questioning trying to understand what had happened, no, he stood quietly, obviously choosing his words. Tetia told him? That would not be surprising, but Qifrey already knew, and the matter between them worked as long as they pretended that Qifrey didn't know. As long as they were not in the same room when the words were spoken, it shouldn't be a problem.
"She calmed down only when Coco and I convinced her that you weren't going anywhere," Qifrey said in a breath. Olruggio turned sharply. Qifrey stood with his back to him, his straight posture giving way to hunched shoulders. He was fiddling with his fingers. "Why— what made her think that you—?"
Olruggio exhaled in exasperation as loudly and dramatically as he could, returning to drawing circles.
"She came to ask me for love advice," he began, not quite true, but not a lie either. He could almost hear the surprised look on Qifrey's face. "me of all people!"
Olruggio waved his hand without turning around, knowing that Qifrey was looking at him, feeling that gaze, but unable to bring himself to meet it.
"Well, it somehow got to our romantic life," Olruggio rolled his eyes.
"Oh," Qifrey replied, polite and a little embarrassed.
"And then she asked what if you find someone," he drew circles, cleaned dishes, "she was scared by the thought that then I would have to leave."
"Olly…" his name sounded gentle, a quiet comfort.
"I calmed her down, told her you wouldn't get away from me, but..." he snorted, "it didn't really work, as you saw."
"You—" he heard Qifrey stumble over the words, "of course. Of course you're not going anywhere, this is your home too— always."
"I don't understand how you can spend all day talking to kids, it's exhausting." Olruggio meant it as a joke, but the words came out a little too honest. Qifrey didn't answer, Olruggio almost thought they were done with it.
"Is—" Qifrey began, "is that all you were talking about?"
“Yes, more or less,” Olruggio replied, a second too late.
“She didn’t ask what if you find someone?” There was a strange note in Qifrey’s voice, one that Olruggio was used to ignoring.
"It probably didn't occur to her."
"Olly..." the same gentle voice that Olruggio didn't want to hear.
Of course he understood that Qifrey didn't believe him, he wasn't trying very hard to be convincing. What was the point of doing so? It would be easier for both of them if they continued to dance around, half-said and unspoken. Qifrey shouldn't feel guilty about this, but here he was anyway, too caring, for his own good.
Olruggio liked to be where he was. If they admitted out loud what was hanging between them, Qifrey would have to say no out loud, and after that things between them could change— they would change.
Of course Qifrey knew, but by living as if he didn't, they could pretend that the distance that was little too close, and the hands that lingered for bit too long, mattered to Olruggio the same as for Qifrey. As if his heart did not start pounding too loudly in his ears when he looked at his friend, and that he would rather look at the night sky above them and not Qifrey.
They could continue to enjoy moments together, share memories without any additional subtext. That was all Olruggio ever wanted.
There were footsteps behind him, uncertain movements. Qifrey stood there for a moment. He was always like that, taking responsibility for things beyond his control, trying to fix something that was not his fault. In the safety of his head, Olruggio could admit that it scared him sometimes. Just one look, and– only sometimes – Olruggio couldn't shake the feeling that Qifrey was acting dead to people who weren't burying him.
After a minute, Qifrey exhaled wearily and returned to his work.
“You shouldn’t sit at your own desk for so long,” Qifrey continued, another topic, safe territory. “Your back looks worse than usual.”
And Olruggio was grateful.