Chapter Text
Okuto Nakamura sat in his sharehouse room at his desk on a Wednesday afternoon. It was spring April and cherry blossoms bloomed beautifully, dancing along the wind currents outdoors. Having started school anew in university, nature smiled upon the new students with such a welcoming spirit.
Not that Okuto would know. He closed his blinds so no one could peep him having a meltdown at his desk. Spring break ended and so did any sort of closer connection he could have fostered with Aiki Hirose.
They hadn’t spoken since freaking high school graduation. Okuto didn’t go for it. He was too afraid.
Hana Sakamoto threw him in for a loop all those years ago. Back when they were first years, Hirose dated her for a short time. To Okuto, who had been pining after the love of his teenage life since their high school’s entrance ceremony, that really cut down his pride. All hope seemed lost for poor Okuto Nakamura.
Until after breaking up with Hana, Hirose asked to meet up with Nakamura after school.
Okuto Nakamura had received the fated note on his desk. He remembered the way Hirose looked at him that school evening… He had known Hirose had just broken up with Hana. Most of all?
He knew it was now or never to go for it.
Meet me toward the back of the school. Don’t tell anyone, please.
Okuto ran faster than he ever ran once school ended. The heels of his feet burned as he could feel his muscles move. As he ran, his lungs ran out of breath and quickly regain, much like how his heart would stop and start back up again whenever he saw Hirose.
It was a familiar feeling, with the way the world stopped spinning whenever they’d lock eyes.
At the back of the school, Okuto wriggled his shoes into the dirt of the ground. Having planted his feet, he’s confident he won’t run away. He just needs to go for it.
Okuto looked back on that moment with shame. He had been so sure he’d do something about that moment. When Hirose told him that boys were easier to talk to. When Okuto agreed. When Hirose and him locked eyes. When Okuto smiled fondly. When Hirose’s phone rang. When Hirose ran and left in a panic. When Okuto let him run. When Okuto never brought it up again when the two would talk and lock gazes numerous times afterwards. When they’d do this up until graduation.
When Okuto Nakamura didn’t go for it.
A knock on the door interrupted his thinking. It must be his late as hell roommate. Okuto had been too shy to be proactive on the roommate search, so he’d been stuck with random choice. He had picked a university in the city as the university had a decent marine biology based-major. No one he knew was truly interested in such topics. He got up steadily.
Okuto knew a clean slate would his best chance after messing things up with Hirose. Maybe his roommate would be the cutest guy on the planet. Maybe he’d compete with Hirose. Yeah, some competition. Would Hirose get jealous? Okuto opened the door with smugness.
In walked Kousei Matsumura with a suitcase and boxes in the hallway. Cue both their shocked faces.
“What are you doing here?!” yelled Okuto. There was no way he was rooming with this creep!
Matsumura gasped and put a hand over his heart. “What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?!”
Okuto and Matsumura were two sides of the same coin. The other is a childhood friend of Hirose’s from middle school. He was gay and had a deep crush on Hirose. What made them different, however, was a fact that Okuto hated to admit to himself.
Matsumura was handsome and not at all shy, unlike Okuto himself. Lucky for him, though, Matsumura was a creep. He kept childhood photos and items of Hirose from when they met, BEFORE they met, and especially after they met. While Okuto hadn’t believed himself to be completely innocent, he believed he had standards.
The two were perfect rivals. Still, somehow when both of them lose to a battle of Hirose’s love, they end up wallowing in their misery together. They never really spoke after first year, however, when Matsumura moved away. Even then, Okuto didn’t go for it.
After the initial freakout, the two sat earnestly at a school cafe to catch up.
“Yeah, definitely not cray cray over Hirose anymore,” said Matsumura as he stirred the coffee in his mug. Okuto didn’t believe it for a second.
“With how creepily obsessed you were, I seriously doubt that,” replied Okuto. The other scoffed, flicking some coffee from his spoon at Okuto.
“Look. People change, Nakamura.”
“I believe that. But you changed that much? I bet you still carry those photos on you!”
“For the love of God, would you listen to me for a second?”
Okuto reluctantly gave in and nodded. Matsumura’s eyes drifted towards the windows of the cafe, looking out at the people walking about.
“I moved to the city, you see. I learned a lot while I was there. You know… about people like us,” he said, just before meeting Okuto’s eyes.
“Hirose used to be our whole world, Nakamura. But, our world is much bigger than him. So much bigger. Maybe you’ll learn that here in university.”
Okuto’s heart dropped at that. Having been with Hirose as long as he had, it never occurred to him how moving into a populous environment away from Hirose could change him. He didn’t want to believe it. Who needs anyone else when Hirose is right there?
One of the things Okuto hated most about socializing is that he always felt he was one or more steps behind from everyone else. Even at university, where he was supposed to start off on a clean slate, he is still a step behind. Go figure.
On their way back to the sharehouse, Okuto mustered up the courage to ask a question that had been on his mind since Matsumura told him those words in the cafe.
“Should I move on?” He didn’t dare ask that to the other’s face.
Matsumura remained silent for a still moment. He stopped walking for a second, folding his arms with a slight frown.
Then, he smirked. “You’re just asking that so you know you don’t have to compete with me. You’re not slick.”
Then, he stepped up to Okuto from behind and rested a hand on his shoulder. He leaned in close, his warm breath tickling his ear and the side of his neck. He whispered,
“All I said was that I changed. Not that I had given up. Wouldn’t you want to be with a man who is experienced, Nakamura?”
Damn him. So much for a clean slate. Now, he’ll really have to go for it!