Work Text:
When Kotoha heard what happened the day before her birthday, she didn’t want to believe it. She already knew she was useless when she couldn't fight, and she already knew she’d made everyone worry about her again.
But when Ryu had accidentally mentioned what happened that day, when that small mention of her friends risking themselves to save her compelled Kotoha to make him tell her everything, every little detail, Kotoha realized how much of a burden she really was.
Nothing made her feel worse than hearing about Chiaki, her closest friend, who was willing to fall to corruption, to sacrifice his very own soul, his humanity, just so that she could live.
Kotoha, who was useless back then, and couldn't even fight for herself.
She thanked Ryu for his honesty, he tried to say something; but Kotoha's feet were already in a hurry elsewhere. She had to see him, to ask him why.
Why? Over and over again, the only thought in her head was why, why, why?
And between the whys, were so many terrible what ifs.
What if Genta hadn't shown up in time? Would Chiaki be lost forever to the Sanzu River? What if she never saw him again? And the others, would they have followed him there? Would he have gone alone? Would he be alone because of her?
Chiaki, her closest, dearest friend, the one who always believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, the one who would always notice when she was feeling down, and cheer her up in his own roundabout ways.
The thought of him becoming corrupt, of him giving up his life for her's, all because she was too weak made Kotoha's heart sink to her stomach.
And maybe it was selfish of her to think of it that way, but she didn’t think she could be satisfied in a reality he wasn’t a part of.
She looked all over the Shiba manor, before finally spotting Chiaki outside sitting on the engawa, her heart pounded in her chest, but her determination burned clear as day.
She had to ask him, she had to know.
————————————
"Chiaki."
Kotoha's voice mad him turn his head around "Oh, Kotoha," he said, noticing she seemed a little more tense than usual "Whats up?".
Kotoha stayed quiet, and quiclky sat next to him, fidgeting with the ends of her sleeves, she didnt look at him.
"Hey," he spoke a little softer this time, he didnt even notice he was doing it "Kotoha, whats wrong?" his brows furrowed, maybe he was getting a little worried.
Internally he was already thinking of diffrerent things he could do to cheer her up, maybe he could buy the cake she likes again, but she seems more upset than usual, so maybe he should think of somewhere to take her that would get her mind off of it?
"Chiaki,," She finally met his eyes, cutting off hiis train if thought "Back then, when... when that ayakashi took my soul"
Oh.
"Were you going to sacrifice yourself?"
Chiaki wasnt prepared for this.
He thought about denying it, saying its all a misunderstanding, a mistake, anything that would make that worry in her eyes dissapear, that would reassure her everything was fine.
Its not like he actually did it in the end, right? Genta came and saved the day, and Kotoha was safe, thats all that mattered.
But instead, he asked "Who told you that?" He looked off into some point in the distance, suddenly finding the greenery around them very interesting.
"Ryu did" She said "I'm the one who asked him about it, though" she quickly added, probably to prevent him from directing any anger at Ryunosuke.
Chiaki sighed, Ryuunosuke was great and all, but he really wished he would keep his damn mouth shut sometimes, 'cause up until now Chiaki liked to think he was doing a pretty good job at keeping that detail away from Kotoha's ears.
"Does that mean it’s true?" She asked.
",,Yeah, it is" there was no point in lying to her, and Chiaki didn’t wanna do that either way. Chiaki knew Kotoha wasn't stupid, as much as she liked to think of herself that way.
"Why?!" the rise in Kotoha's voice made Chiaki's head turn back to her.
She looked directly into his eyes, and it felt like he'd just kicked a puppy.
"Huh- what do you mean why?" He could only reply in confusion, was it not obvious why he wanted to save her?
Ah, This is exactly why she wasn't supposed to know what happened, they were supposed to move on, there was no need to dwell on Chiaki being the first to offer himself to be corrupted, no need to think about how far he would have gone if it meant saving her. if it meant seeing her smile again. Hearing her laugh again.
There was no need to think about it, because the reason didnt matter.
It didn't matter why the thought of losing Kotoha to some stupid ayakashi made his skin crawl. It doesn't matter why, that's what he told himself.
It clearly does to her, you idiot.
"Why would you give up your humanity for me?" She repeated her question, and suddenly everything made more sense.
So thats what this is about, he should've seen it coming.
"Jeez, is that really what youre asking?" Chiaki ran a hand through his hair, maybe he was trying to make it seem like less of a big deal, not that it worked.
"I’m serious!" Kotoha sounded even more frustrated, good job "you would have had to do something really horrible and give up on your soul! what if you couldnt keep fighting? or what if you were the one who died instead of me?!"
"That wouldn’t have changed my decision! Your life isn’t any less important than mine" Her word's frustrated him, why does she always think shes expendable? he thought back to what she said when shed woken up from her soul being taken "I'm glad he only got me" he hated it, she didnt deserve to think like that.
"But what about protecting everyone-"
Chiaki grabbed Kotoha by the shoulders, gently, but firmly "Stop that," he said "Stop trying to justify why you're less important than the rest of us! you act like you're expendable, and maybe you think you are! but listen to me, youre an important member of this team, you got that?"
She looked down "But I.. I'm not..."
"Kotoha, look at me." He wasn't done yet. he gently guided her head to look him in the eye by her chin without much thought "I don't care how little you think of yourself, and hell- maybe it doesn't make any sense, but I would've done it even if you weren't a shinkenger."
He didn’t know where all these sappy words were coming from, but he couldn't seem to stop them from coming, either.
"Saving the world? Sure! Its important! But in that moment, the only one i was thinking about was you"
—————————————
Kotoha didn’t know what to say.
She just sat there and processed his words, and didn’t pull her eyes away from his for a second.
Why is it so hard for her to believe his words? Is this how Chiaki truly felt about her this whole time?
He wanted to save her.
Not ShinkenYellow, her, Kotoha.
Did she think so little of herself, that she couldn't fathom he would care so much about her?
"Chiaki,," she finally spoke "Is that really how you feel?".
Maybe it was stupid to ask again, but she really wanted to hear him say it, needed to know she wasnt just making things up in her head.
Chiaki looked at her puzzled, like the question in itself made no sense "Eh? obviously, why else would i say all that, jeez..."
And Kotoha laughed, awkwardly, but she did. "Hey, cmon, whats so funny?" Chiaki asked.
"Nothing, nothing," she reassured, her laughter pausing and turning into a relieved smile "Thanks, Chiaki" she takes the hand that was on her chin before, clasping it with both her hands "I'm really lucky to have you"
Chiaki glances at their hands together for a moment before looking away, "Pfsh, its not a big deal, I'm- We're the ones who are lucky." he insists, but a sheepish smile forms on his lips, one he never seems to be able to suppress in moments like these.
Its cute, Kotoha thought.
It only made her smile grow wider.
Soon enough, they were summoned back inside the manor, "Come on, lets go!" the girl suddenly perked up, though Kotoha decided she wasnt ready to let go just yet, and took the boy with her by his hand, he didn’t protest, or question why she did it, so Kotoha figured it must not matter, and didnt think much of it herself.
The people that surrounded her in this manor mattered, the boy walking behind her mattered.
As long as she could fight to protect them, she'd be okay.