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You know, now that Tim thinks about it, he never signed up for this.
Well that’s a blatant lie he definitely signed up for this, but he is currently referring to the frankly garish amount of bullshit he has to deal with and this just takes the cake.
Scratch that because you know what, he can’t be held responsible for any of this, he was a minor when he signed up, therefore it’s not legally binding. He should've up and left ages ago but his unfortunate sense of duty guilted him into staying.
Who in their sane mind allows a child to blackmail them. Oh right, it's his mentor/coworker/dad who is Batman.
Life comes with all types of surprises.
The only other people he should maybe blame are his parents who were chronically gone. It’s their own negligence that allowed him to be a nighttime photographer. He will never, and he means never, admit to stalking. That's like rule number one of getting away with crime. He would know he’s committed and prevented a lot of crime. It’s not amateur hour ever for him.
Cobblepot may claim to be the best of the best when it comes to white collar crime but everyone knows that Tim wins in that department, that's not even him being cocky. Also, Penguin has no style I mean butler suits, no offense Alfred, monocles, his ostentatious bald head is just distasteful, again no offense Alfred, and overall demeanor lends a bad name to white collar crime.
When Alvin Draper, who may or may not be Tim, gallivanted across Europe he managed to get away with stealing priceless artifacts and stealing enough money that his parents would be jealous. He hid it well enough behind the bullshit financial ledgers that nobody ever noticed the money was missing to begin with despite it being stolen from Ra’s many shell companies.
This is impressive because when Ra’s isn’t being a creep or evil he meticulously manages his resources double and triple checking. He’s like Mr. Crabs on steroids.
For crying out loud he hid a batmobile in the goddamn batarang budget, the pinnacle of getting away with metaphorical murder.
Tim had and has finesse and he does it in a hot topic t-shirt, skinny jeans, and the many many bombs he definitely didn’t not commandeer from Jason.
If Tim had more awareness he could have sworn he heard some loud groans ringing around the room alas Tim is not here right now, in fact as of right now Tim is dead to the world much like his friends and or love of his life who he shall not name should he come and confront him outside the grave.
On another note He’s pretty sure this is the most rest he will and has gotten in months so he will pretend nothing is wrong and everything is working.
It would be really perfect if it weren't for the tremors and racing heart which is a major downside to being awake right now.
It’s like perpetual anxiety and paranoia except he can’t distract himself with contingencies since his brain is both sluggish and rapid firing right now. His patience is gone too so he doesn’t want to think about fixing it.
He should just pass out or wait for Cass to put him out of his misery. He’s fairly certain his contingency, which he knows Cass knows, is for him to be knocked out in case of being drugged with anything that compromises his ability to lie.
Some may ask, Tim, why do you have a contingency for such a situation, he thinks it's fairly obvious, but when you account for the amount of chemical warfare employed by Gotham's rogues it’s basically inevitable, besides this has definitely happened before.
Maybe not to him but it was only a matter of time before he got dosed with a variation of truth serum, and the tell-tale sign of symptoms and coloration of pollen perfume confirms this. He has abysmal luck and the worst always seems to happen (or maybe he’s lucky for holding out this long without being dosed), this is why he needs to be prepared for everything.
Also he’s a Bat. It’s in the job description to have contingencies for everything.
He's also learned his lesson from the caped community who he foolishly trusted to at least look at the evidence, but noooo Tim lost too many people and hasn’t slept properly in weeks as if he hadn’t worked with less sleep with any less proficiency before.
He still does it now when he’s borrowing money after a 24 hour case binge from Lex Luthor or Ra’s shell companies that survived his farewell gift involving his favorite bombs C4.
Reliable and works every time like a charm. Kinda like a magic fix all when the bo staff doesn’t cut it.
Actually where is Cass anyways. Tim cranes his head to look around the med-bay without getting up considering the current restraints and stops.
He’s pretty sure he’s delirious right now because his whole family is staring at him with concern.
It almost touches his heart if it weren’t such a foreign and disorienting feeling.
The stares intensify and Tim looks away.
His family’s stares aren't helping.
The stares reduce in intensity
Side note he feels a certain amount of betrayal at Cass since she was supposed to knock him out.
Perhaps she can’t, Cass is like the best person in the world there is no way she wouldn’t follow his contingency unless there were extenuating circumstances.
He tries to sit up this time but straps that he vaguely noticed before are tying him down, the prickling stabs inflicting his brain are not helping either in fact they are currently his enemy.
Maybe he should close his eyes but then he remembers sleep is his enemy as well so he opens his eyes again.
He wonders how he got here… oh right he was fighting Ivy. She loves to make complicated pollens to ruin his … he means everyone’s day. Actually let him amend that, if memory serves he was minding his business watching Nightwing and Robin handling her tantrum over a new company moving in and tearing down a park.
If only Alfred never confiscated his coffee he could’ve avoided her spritzing him with her special pollen to force Tim to tell the truth.
Tim hears a snort. It's probably Jason based on how it resembles a pig. Another laugh and some indignant yet indistinct yelling tells him Jason was offended.
Anyways, what's the point of doing it to Tim? Oh right she hates him specifically because he as Red Robin stole some plant to formulate a counter towards a strain of pollen she used a month ago to attack employees of a pharmaceutical company. Honestly such a counterproductive move he doesn’t know why she even bothers to try to fix anything.
Tim’s feeling weirdly introspective. That’s worrying because he only does this when he’s too conked out to solve problems.
Also what’s with the mumbling. It’s not helping in the least. In fact whoever is mumbling should shut the hell up. It's getting annoying.
No one responded. Did Tim even say that out loud?
The mumbling is getting louder. It is then the realization hits him that he’s the one mumbling.
That’s embarrassing. He should probably shut the hell up yet unfortunately for him his mouth is not doing what he says.
Then the ringing stops and suddenly he realizes that his ears were ringing and now that he can hear clearly he realizes he’s been incoherently narrating what he’s thinking, his only saving grace is that he sounds drunk and was slurring, additionally B is currently asking him something.
His voice is like a blender of gravel when he seemingly repeats the question, “ Red Robin can you hear me?”
Tim gives a halfhearted thumbs up and says something along the lines of “yep” which sounded a bit more like “yej”
Bruce seems vaguely pleased but maybe that’s Tim being optimistic.
Tim decides to bite the bullet, “When can you fix this?” He enunciates as clearly as possible and is a little more blunt than usual but he can’t help it. This situation is just so annoying.
Bruce gave a look that told him he should’ve accepted defeat and become acquainted with sleeping because he’s pretty sure he’s gonna be stuck like this for at least a while.
Bruce’s affirming “Hnn” confirms everything.
Another moment, and then “Why were you interacting with Ra’s al Ghul?”
“Because I had to” is the tumbling response falling out of Tim’s lips.
And then Bruce, because he had to, says “Could you elaborate?”
“Yes”
“Are you avoiding the topic?”
“Yes”
“Why?”
“It’s an uncomfortable topic. Would you like me asking you about why you dress up as a bat instead of choosing any other alternative.”
“Hmm”
The gleam in Bruce's eye is telling. It even looks like a magnifying glass. He’s not gonna let this go is he?
He’s going to ask more questions and he can't run away because he's tied down. He’ll look guilty if he tries to avoid answering more difficult questions. Bruce never did trust him completely after the boomerang incident which is ludicrous since he didn't even go through with it. He’s literally in the opportune position to be questioned and verified. That's like placing crack in front of a drug addict, meaning he can't resist the urge to needle out every detail possible. Everyone else pretty much got off scot free so why cant he. What about him is so untrustworthy, he literally dedicated his whole life to this family. He just wants to have his dignity so can’t they let him have it. Is that so unfair to ask when he literally does all he can to help this family stay together.
The dread is creeping in and he feels like he can’t quite breathe.
It shouldn’t be this hard to breathe so why can’t he.
A hand on his shoulder snaps his attention. He looks and oh. It’s just Bruce.
Well this is just great. He’s acting like a lunatic in front of everyone.
Tim feels his cheeks burn and looks pointedly at the stalactites dripping water.
Maybe if he denies it enough he can gaslight everyone into forgetting this happened.
He almost managed it with Tam so it’s definitely possible to do it to the bats.
He steels his resolve, takes a deep breath, and turns back to Bruce, and only Bruce so he can avoid the rest of his family's stares, and asks in the most calm voice possible, “How long will this last?”
Bruce seems to be startled by this change in composure but he is forced by social conventions of vigilantism to ignore this and answer pertinent questions, small mercies that Tim will absolutely take advantage of to avoid the obvious mental breakdown he’s having.
“Approximately three hours based on the amount of exposure, but this seems to be a new strain of pollen so we are running tests now. Current antidotes didn’t work and synthesizing a new one will likely take close to five hours.” Bruce says, sounding somewhat stern with an underlying note of pity.
Tim does not appreciate the pity since it does nothing to fix this issue. He’s screwed and it’s not even funny. Maybe he should go to Uruguay and be Alexandro Martinez. Alexandro Martinez doesn’t have to deal with truth serums and paranoid colleagues.
Bruce must be able to read his mind or the pollen broke his ability to mask his emotions because then he says, “Everyone will abstain from asking any questions and will respect your privacy.”
Tim gave the most disbelieving look possible before pointedly staring at each of his colleagues and saying, “Really, are you sure about that?”
Previous indications say otherwise. Damian alone sniffs out weakness for the hell of it, and he doesn't have enough affection for Tim to refrain. Jason would do anything to spite Bruce and generally doesn't give a shit about Tim. Dick will pretend to do what is asked before breaking down and asking questions that he believes are in Tim's best interest. Steph will just think this is the perfect time to get embarrassing facts about his life. As much as Tim loves Cass, she will let it happen because she truly thinks that it’s in his best interest and not a big deal. Tim doesn’t even know about Duke but considering the general direction of his life it isn't gonna be good.
Just to prove his point Steph says, “aww, come on B, Tim never shares and this is the best way to get all the embarrassing stories while we still can it’s not gonna hurt anything besides his dignity. Like what happened with the Bodega Front?”
The truth pollen must be worse than he thought because as soon as the question is out Tim blurts “I slipped on a sandwich setting off the alarms which led to me getting turned into metaphorical swiss cheese.”
There's some stifled laughter, most strongly coming from Jason. That’s rich considering he’s literally the worst at stealth.
Damian follows with his cliche “tch” before saying, “as if Drake has any dignity left to preserve. His inadequate skills in stealth just proves it. Father this is the best opportunity to see where his loyalty lies.”
He says it with a sneer as if Tim’s been anything but loyal.
He’s also rather offended considering, again Jason is the worst at stealth and no one ever comments on it.
Everyone seems to think his distaste for the situation is due to possible embarrassment.
No one seems to be getting that this isn’t just about preserving his dignity, it’s about the privacy he’s built to keep his distance and to preserve what little sense of self he has.
His whole life is about being useful ever since he joined the cape crusade. How can he help Bruce? How can he not anger Damian while simultaneously helping him integrate into regular society? How can he shoulder Dick’s misplaced affection to stave off his guilt for not accepting Jason before he died? How can stop Jason from hating him so he can complete a mission? How can he pretend that it’s okay he’s had repeated attempts on his life by his so called brothers? How can he get rid of the awkward silence between him and Steph after she faked her death? How can he help the whole family by staying away even when the cold loneliness is killing him while also still being present enough to help with cases and leads and gang fights?
What happens when these people he’s worked with for years suddenly see how pathetic he actually is and realize he’s not as helpful as he tries to be? That he’s more trouble than he’s worth.
All Tim feels these days is exhaustion and the dreadful wait for something to magically change.
The mumbling problem is still ongoing but he’s aware enough to muffle it to the point no one can understand what he’s saying or at least he hopes so. Dealing with the fallout would be embarrassing otherwise.
It seems that Bruce glared everyone into silence in the Cave to the point it’s stifling once the mumbling stops. Everyone disburses and seems to be acting like they have something to do while sending curious glances to Tim.
The quiet becomes oppressive and reminiscent of the absolute silence after the whole Titans tower debacle or the silence of returning from Wayne manor to Drake Manor where there was nothing to keep him company besides the many priceless artifacts his parents chose over him.
It becomes tortuous after five minutes.
He wants it to be over so he asks the next most logical question to cut through the silence, “Can’t we just sedate me”
Alfred seems to pause before gently breaking the news, “Master Tim, it is unfortunate, but mixing drugs and pollen would be fatal.”
That makes sense but Tim is so done with this situation and tries for a macabre comment to reflect his feelings on the matter.
It’s funny how quickly a response can derail one’s life.
Tim can’t stop the word from coming out of his mouth before realizing how bad an idea it is to say what he’s about to because it’s such a normal reaction for him, “Meh, I’d rather die than spend the next couple of hours like this.”
There was a pause.
The silence is back and it takes him a second to realize the seriousness of what he said.
Everybody is staring at him this time with strong concern and it seems they have also realized the seriousness of what he said.
You see, while that may be the normal macabre humor usual for him and his age range, the pollen he’s afflicted with forces him to say the truth even for throwaway comments meaning he truly meant he would prefer death than talking. Everybody in here knows this.
There's a tense awkwardness that is tinged with embarrassment in the air.
Tim’s beginning to think this whole suppression thing wasn’t as healthy as he thought it was. He thought he was alright. It’s not like his life has been all bad, nothing really stands out as amazing but he’s had some good moments. It turns out he was lying to himself without realizing. That’s so stupid. There’s no way he’s actually suicidal, that's for people with real problems, honestly it would be a shameful way to bow out considering the number of times he's almost been killed in the line of duty.
His musing is cut short by the sudden outbursts by those behind him.
“Hey what the fuck Timbit, are you kidding me” pipes up Jason.
Dick adds his piece saying, “Timmy you can’t really mean that … right?”
“Drake, surely you’re not pathetic enough to give up after everything.”
The comments from the others start blending together. He can’t get any words out to defend himself without garbling over the pollen forced answers. His vision is also starting to black out which is just great and all he can think is that he’s gonna get thrown out. There’s no way they’re gonna keep him around. They’ll think he’s a liability just waiting to happen. He tries to take a deep breath, but it feels like there is a lump in his throat.
He can’t breathe.
…
He can’t breathe at all.
…
He can’t hear.
…
He can’t see.
…
And now he can’t think.
…
He comes back to reality after who knows how long to see Bruce and all Tim can focus on is the way his mouth quirks downward and counting the stray stubble on his chin that he missed when shaving.
There's like 22 black stubble dots he missed; Bruce should really get better at shaving.
Maybe if he focuses hard enough, he’ll dissociate into a reality where none of this never happened.
Bruce seems to have been trying to talk to Tim for a while. Tim sees the worried face, and he realizes he must be trying to do panic attack protocols typical for calming civilians. Tim literally cannot handle Bruce doing that for him.
So, Tim does it himself since if he can’t hear Bruce then it’s not him actually doing it.
He breathes in for four, holds for seven, and breathes out for eight.
He does this four times before he can finally gain a semblance of composure.
Tim feels hot tears that dried sticky on his cheeks leaving them red and itchy. “ I am o… .k. Kk .ghhh” he starts again “ I am f .. i. .. ghhh” okay this isn’t working.
Everyone seems to be staring at him like he’ll break, and it makes Tim want to break something.
Time to go for deflection if placation can’t work.
Attempt number three and Tim musters all his frustration to spit, “get out!”
Yes, he really is the master of deflection. He truly managed to get everyone unfocused on the fact that Tim, the designated robot with no emotions, has issues and is crying about it. God, he hasn’t cried in front of anybody in … has he … oh… guess he never cried in front of anyone ever since he gained consciousness at like three. That’s a bit pathetic so he moves on from that train of thought before it runs him over.
So clearly this didn’t work out one hundred percent, but Alfred does say with a quiet grave tone he’s only heard two times, “Young Masters if you all would proceed upstairs to give Master Tim some privacy.”
Truly Alfred is a saint.
Cass quietly flitters out with some regret on her face, much like the rest are showing. Even Damian and Jason are showing some shocked concern.
He may be having a stroke if these are the actual reactions to his truths.
Bruce looks devastated and guilty sitting across from him. It leaves Tim’s chest uncomfortably tight, so he looks down and fiddles with the medical cot sheets.
“Tim, how long have you felt this way?” Bruce managed to get out.
“What way?” Tim is gonna drag this out for as long as possible.
Bruce is resigned when he says “Suicidal. How long have you been suicidal?”
Apparently, Tim can’t drag it out for that long.
Tim can’t really give a straight clearcut answer and he can’t deny it for it would be a lie so all he can give is a sad muttered truthful “I don’t know.”
Tim looks back up and sees tears in Bruce’s eyes. No Batman mask to hide behind nor Brucie persona to fake. The unadulterated emotions of his maybe Dad when faced with his mess of a maybe son who was only a son on paper.
Tim may or may not have mixed feelings in Bruce never commenting on his emancipation and dropping Wayne from his name.
Tim needs to fix this so he starts to ramble “Can’t we just ignore this. You wouldn’t have known about it if it weren’t for extenuating circumstances putting it out in the open. I only think about smashing my head in until I can’t hear anything on really bad days and I would never act on it. It’s not like I’m hur.. Gh my..gh..se.. Jrg…lf, okay, well if I do it’s only during vigilante work. Wait, that's not better, I am only allowing myself to get hit. Shit that’s worse. I..I don’t know. But I thought I was fine. I’m a CEO, I solve about 10 cases per night, I drink 5 cups of coffee every day, I helped a little girl find her mother after a robbery at a Batburger yesterday, and... and I solved that one computer bug on the batcomputer that Babs forgot to fix. We don’t have to talk about my problems. I am a productive member of this family so there's no need to worry Ijustwanttogohomejustletmegohomeandsleepthisoffandneverwake-”
He’s made it ten times worse. He never should’ve come here. Then Bruce would look at him like that. Like he was something to be fixed.
Bruce opens his mouth. “We’re going to therapy”
…
…
…
Tim blinks an incredulous “What?” slips out.
Gruff and determined Bruce repeats, “We are going to therapy?”
Tim responds, “I heard you, but what do you mean we?”
“I mean that if you go to therapy I will also go to therapy.”
He stares at Bruce with so much disbelief he hopes it's palpable so Bruce will realize how ludicrous he’s being.
Tim is so shocked he can’t even feel the dread at first.
“You’re kidding, right?” said with such a deep exasperation that Tim didn’t even know he possessed.
Bruce's voice tells him he’s serious when he says, “I’m not”
His brain just can’t comprehend. He might be more drugged than he thought because what the hell.
He’s trying to corner Tim.
Bruce “never supported therapy in his life” Wayne is willing to go to therapy just so he has to go too
And now Tim is getting angry, “That’s not fair. It’s only now you're willing to get therapy. We have all been trying to get you to go to therapy for years and this is what pushed you over? Not for Jason, not to handle Damian and how he came about, not for when you adopted Dick, or for when you got trapped in the time stream, and not for when your parents died. Your first choice of coping was to dress as a bat and fight crime. Do you realize how ridiculous this all is? You're the world’s greatest detective if you didn’t think therapy was gonna work then why do you think it will work now.”
“You are correct, this is long overdue, but I can’t keep letting this go because I don’t know how to fix this. I have had bad personal experiences with therapists but that is no excuse to not better myself so that my children are aware that they are the most important part of my life. I didn't even notice something was wrong with my son and you would’ve rather died than tell any of us you were struggling and that’s unacceptable. It is unforgivable. I don’t know everything, but I do know that I love you Tim and I would do anything to make sure you're happy and healthy so yes if going to therapy is what it takes for you to get help then I will gladly do so.”
You know this is such a bitch move. He’s cornered. If he says no, he would be perpetually blacklisted from family dinners. Alfred would even let it happen.
“If that is what it takes then I’m willing to be underhanded” and its said with such a grim determination Bruce rarely showcases outside of Batman
…
Tim folded.
“Fine. However, I sustain the right to do background checks on every potential therapist we see even if it’s Dinah.”
“Of course,”
“We should force the others to attend as well.”
With a sigh, “We’ll worry about that later”
…
“Will you stay with me until this wears off”
“Of course, Tim “
“Thanks dad”