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Marines
Buggy was going to kill his brother; slowly, painfully and with zero regret. How Red had managed to claim himself a son that was worse than him, the pirate clown did not know, but somehow Luffy had the self-restraint of a gnat and the ability to fuck up all of Buggy's flashy plans as thoroughly as his mãe.
He had planned to be in Impel Down for exactly as long as it took to get what he needed and get out. Intelligence on the lower levels, a layout of the guard rotations, a few whispered conversations with inmates who owed him favours and that was it. The kind of intel that Red did not need to know where it came from only that it was useful. His brother would fret too much otherwise. That's how their whole business worked. Buggy brought the intel, Shanks used it, no one knew they were still talking to each other. Impel Down was the most complex prison he had ever had to plan to escape from, but it was not the first by far.
Red knew about two. They were in the two dozens
In and out, flashy and elegant.
And then he came across the damned rubber brat. Raising havoc, almost getting caught, more wounded than Buggy liked to see him and telling him that Ace was in level six, slated for execution.
Ace who was apparently Captain's kid. His and Shanks' little brother. And Buggy hadn't known it was him when they had met. He was supposed to know.
It didn't matter. What mattered was that Luffy was there and going to Level 6, which meant following him. Which in turn meant not finding Ace, but finding Crocodile there - and Buggy was going to have words with the man - and then the escape plan got hastened because they needed to get to Marineford yesterday.
Shanks was going to kill him. Or worse, lecture him.
Marineford was an insanity the likes of which he had vowed to never get tangled in again. Edd Wars at 12 had been enough. Half of the time he was trying to keep track of his insane sobrinho who was rushing into the fray faster than the heavy hitters were able to and the other half of the time he was dodging one asshole or another who figured he made an easy target.
Sengoku airing up his past with the Roger pirates had not helped matters any.
And then that damned brat decided to use him as distraction for Hawkeyes, which Buggy would have done anyway, he wasn't planning to let the kid fight the warlord alone. Perhaps that's why he didn't even notice it at first. He was dodging another hit from Yoru before he felt it - a shudder that ran under his skin, prickling and foreign. Something he would have ignored if he didn't know it was most likely a devil fruit ability at work. But, it was there and gone so fast that he decided to not pay any attention to it, instead getting away from Mihawk and trying to see where the brat had gotten off to and if he needed help.
Any other day he might have stopped to examine it, to figure out what the fuck had just hit him and from where. But Luffy was somewhere ahead, reckless stupidity and all, Ace was still yelling at him to get away from his scaffold and Buggy had it with children being in danger for the sins of their fathers.
The Marine who materialised in his path looked far too pleased with himself for someone in the middle an unflashy war.
"Well, well. Buggy the Clown." The Marine - was he a captain? He seemed familiar, Buggy must have bribed him at some point. "Didn't think a weakling like you had the gall to show his face here. Tired of pretending to be competent in the East Blue?"
"I've been learning haki since I was ten," Buggy snapped. The Marine blinked. Buggy's brain short-circuited.
What. The. Fuck.
That was not what he had been planning to say. That was nowhere near what he had been planning to say. He had been aiming for his flashy performance, the smoke and mirrors, the usual bravado that got him known in the East Blue. Not this. Whatever the fuck this was.
"Haki?" The Marine's expression shifted from smug to confused - well that made two of them Buggy himself was confused as fuck. "The Fleet Admiral just said you were the Pirate King's cabin boy. Was he the one who taught you?"
Buggy could feel the answer building in his chest, pressing against his teeth. Rayleigh. Roger. Gaban. Flashy fuck no. That was a history for him to know and no one else to poke at. No one that wasn't family. Definitely not some random grunt from the East Blue that found himself in such a big scale war simply because Sengoku needed cannon fodder to kill a kid and defang an Emperor.
He bit down. Hard. Tasted copper.
"I-"
The answer almost forced itself out. Almost because Buggy had perfected the art of lying and deflection when he was a brat learning from Rouge. And not even what had to be a devil fruit could make him answer what he didn't want to.
"Wouldn't you like to know?"
There. Not a lie, so the devil fruit didn't see it as such. Which did not stop the Marine from trying to ask again, but gave Buggy enough time to try and stab him.
Before he had the chance to do so, Luffy got thrown back from wherever he had managed to get to and clashed in the Marine with the speed of a cannonball, sending the man flying.
"Tio?" The brat had the audacity to blink confused, before Buggy hauled him back to his feet.
"Didn't I tell you to wait for me?"
"Gotta save Ace! You're too slow!"
The audacity of the brat. Buggy let him go, prepared to keep up this time, sent one last dagger to a marine that was trying to reach for the kid and sprinted - just to walk in a wall of sand that had him cursing and sputtering.
This was not the time.
"Haki since you were ten, clown?" Crocodile asked, half-intrigued, half-menacing. "Wasn't Shanks the one who - "
Yeah no. Buggy chop-chopped away faster than the sand logia could blink. Questions about his brother in the middle of war while under the influence of a devil fruit who apparently made Buggy say the truth were dangerous. Especially when asked by someone like Crocodile.
Besides, he had a brat to look out for and another to save.
Crocodile
Buggy could not deny he likes treasure. It was one of those simple pleasures that Captain had nurtured when he was a kid by hiding small chests on islands they stopped at and drawing him maps to find them. He may not have found Captain John's treasure yet, but even Shanks knew that whenever he wanted to bribe him with something a treasure chest or a map would do.
Which is why he did not hesitate for a single second to open the chest Galdino had given him from one new follower or another, ready to put on a show as the lid revealed thousands of coins and the words -
- got stuck in his throat
What?
"The Great -" he tried again, ready to grandstand and just nothing. Flashy hell.
"Captain?" Galdino asked in the same way that could mean both Do you need me to bring Alvida to bitch with her? Or Do you need an escape from the madness? "You okay?"
The answer at the moment was both. Would have been both if the flashy assholes called themselves his partners weren't watching him like hawks.
Hakws. Hawky. Ha.
"Flashy fine," he nodded at Galdino that he was free to go. Okay, this felt familiar. Felt like Marineford two years ago when he had answered that asshole's question without meaning to, but at that time he had been more interested in making sure both Ace and Luffy made it out alive. Not that the brats hadn't giving him enough frights for a lifetime until they did.
Buggy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had to test it.
"Anything wrong, clown?" Mihawk asked as he uncorked a bottle of Dreessrosa red wine. Some aged vintage that the former warlord swore by and Buggy personally believed tasted like old socks.
Try a lie.
"Your wine is-" the best I have ever tasted, he wanted to say, but what ended up was. "I don't know how you can drink that vinegar, Hawkeyes. It smells like something died in the barrel and the colour's gone muddy."
Well. Fucking Grandline. Cursed coins it was. And apparently ones who made him tell the truth. He'd simply have to stay as far away from his partners as possible until whatever this was ran its course.
Just as he was about to get up and make a hasty retreat to his tent, he noticed Mihawk freeze. The swordsman turned the cork over in his hands, smelled the wine and checked the colour in light. If looked the same to Buggy - same swill that was, but Mihawk's grip on the bottle tightened before he poured it all in the fireplace.
"What?" Buggy couldn't help but shriek. That shit was expensive and Doflamingo didn't sell it easily.
"It was poisoned." Mihawk nodded to him as if confirming something Buggy already knew. Which he didn't. "You have a keen eye to have noticed it."
Buggy hadn't noticed shit, but now Crocodile was looking at him all interested and -
"Surprising even for you, Blue." Crocodile purred and fuck him for bringing out the childhood name. "What else have you been hiding?"
I've been working as an underground agent for decades. I'm working as my brother's information broker. Shanks and I -
He bit down each and every word. Copper flooded his mouth.
"Why Crocy take me out for dinner first and I might tell you."
WHY DID THAT COME OUT AS THE TRUTH.
He chop chopped away before he could find out.
Teach
Buggy was not an idiot. He played the idiot sure, but he hadn't survived this long and made sure his dumbass brother didn't get in over his head in shit by being an idiot. Shanks may have been strong, but a planner he was not. As such, when he saw he'd been made an Emperor, the first thing he did was return to his tent and scream. The second thing he did was string up the idiots who made those damn recruitment posters by their toes. And the third thing he did was get roaring drunk. Which was perhaps why it took him a moment or two to come to and realise he was no longer on Karai Bari, but rather in some dinghy dungeon, chained in seastone and with a pounding headache.
"Zehahaha. Finally awake, clown?"
How the fuck? No, Buggy didn't want to know. He'd find out by himself and when he did, heads would roll. For now he had to get out of this shitty situation before Teach decided to re-enact his favourite childhood game which was make the clown scream.
"What, got bored of hunting down kids across the New World?"
The punch that followed was expected, but so was Buggy's satisfaction of seeing that smug grin wiped clean off Teach's face. It seemed the other Emperor hadn't gotten over the fact that Ace had been saved from his execution and was now leading the Whitebeard Remnants quite successfully and overall proving himself a nuisance for many of Teach's attempts to grab Newgate's former territories.
"You're not going to be laughing much longer, red nose," Teach snarled, clicking his fingers to motion someone to come forth. Not one of his Commanders, no. Buggy knew all of those, had been mapping their weaknesses and strengths from the moment Teach arrived with them at Marineford. Some grunt from the looks of him who was shaking in his boots as he raised his hand and did something. Something that was unfortunately familiar - the same tingle from he battlefield, the same way his body shivered.
Buggy was not an idiot, which is why he knew exactly what the grunt's devil fruit was going to do.
"I see you recognise it," Teach said, grinning again. "Took it off a dead Marine a couple months back. Useful little fruit, don't you think?" He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "I think we're going to have a very nice conversation now, aren't we Blue?"
"As nice as anything can be with you in the room," Buggy snarked, wincing at the second hit.
"How did you convince Hawkeyes and Crocodile to join you?" Teach asked without preamble and Buggy could feel his body seize, the devil fruit's attempt to make him answer. Too bad for Teach the answer was less interesting than whatever he hoped to find out.
"Didn't," the clown drawled. "Assholes popped up on my island one day and refused to leave."
After all, Teach had not asked why they were still there.
"They wouldn't be following you if that was the only reason. What are they playing at acting as your subordinates?"
Honestly, if these were the kinds of questions Teach was planning on asking, Buggy was going to have an easy time planning his escape and managing to not give any useful information.
"Just because Morgans spins it like that, it doesn't mean they're my subordinates. Calypso knows they kick my ass on the regular too much for that."
Hawky was relentless with his spars after all. And Crocodile did not fail to test Buggy's reflexes once every two days in increasingly creative ways. Teach's eyes narrowed, glaring at the grunt as if it was the man's fault for his questions being shit.
"Let's try something else. Strawhat, you were helping him out at Marineford. Now, my dear former Second Commander I can get, he is Roger's brat. But why were you helping him?"
Fuck. Now that was something harder to navigate if Teach decided to press. Buggy bit down the automatic answer. He's my nephew, he's Shanks' kid, of course I'd help. That was something Teach could not know. "He bullied me into helping." True enough for the devil fruit to allow it. Luffy had bullied Buggy to help, even if he was going to help regardless of anything the kid did.
Honestly, at this point he was anticipating the third hit. Teach snarled, his shadows reaching for the terrified grunt before he must have realised doing whatever he wanted to do with the man would cancel the devil fruit.
"You're deflecting," Teach turned his attention back to Buggy. "I should have realised you're the same pathetic coward from when we were brats. Always lying and hiding behind Roger's skirts. Only showed some backbone when I was having some fun with Red."
"Fun?" Buggy snarled. "Is that was you call almost blinding my brother?"
Shit. He shouldn't have said that.
"Zehahaha, so you are in contact still," the asshole laughed. "I've been wondering about that since the war. And now you've confirmed it for me. So, what is dear little Red planning?" the asshole purred.
Following Captain's dream, hoping to see his kid crowned, trying to -. It was almost as if the answer was pressing against his teeth, forcing himself out and Buggy bit his cheek, grounded himself in pain before answering.
"How should I know what's happening in that flashy nutcase's mind? Not even Benn Beckman knows what Shanks is planning from one day to another."
There. True enough for Buggy to be able to give a shallow exhale. Clearly not enough to fool Teach considering the way the man's eyes narrowed, as if he was debating how to better ask his next question.
"What is -?"
Just in that moment the door to the cell exploded, knocking the grunt down and leaching the tension from Buggy's frame when he felt the devil fruit's powers stutter out. He turned his attention to whatever had caused the commotion and what???
"I believe you have something of ours," Mihawk announced casual as you please, Yoru at ready.
"Hand over our clown," Crocodile snarled, half human and half swirling sand.
Well, that was awfully romantic considering the circumstances.
+1 Garling
Buggy was blaming his brother for this one. Or his brother's brat. He just knew one of them was at fault. Ever since his crazy little sobrinho's little stint in Egghead Island, things had been spiralling out of control faster and faster, to the point that even Buggy's grip on everything was tenuous at best. Which is why he was not even surprised to wake up somewhere he definitely should not be.
White walls, marble floors, vaulted ceiling - heck even the chair he was chained to stank of wealth. Thin seastone bracelets instead of the shackles he would have expected from a Marine stronghold and flashy hell he did not like where his realisation was going. Nor did he like the fact his thoughts were all muddy, almost as if he'd been drugged. The still aching sting in his neck told him he was probably correct.
"I should have remained in the East Blue," Buggy muttered to himself just as the door in front of him opened and a face he had hoped never to see again strolled inside like he owned the place. Which he probably did. Figarland Garling had aged since he had last tried to steal Shanks from the Oro Jackson, but had the same infuriating arrogance oozing from him, the same haughty expression and cold stare. How this fucker managed to have a kid like Shanks still had Buggy confused.
"Clown."
Well, that was just rude. Not that Buggy was expecting anything else from the asshole.
"It is time my son stops making a nuisance out of himself. As such, you are here to ensure that."
"What son? Don't know any son of yours."
As soon as he uttered the words, pain flared at his temples, sharp enough to make him hiss. What the fuck had they drugged him with?
"It would not be in your best interest to lie." Garling pointed out coldly. "You could, of course, but the effects will be far more unpleasant. I am referring to Shanks."
"Well," Buggy drawled. "My previous statement stands." He grins sharp and furious. "Roger is Shanks' father. I should know, we grew up together after all." The pain flared again, but Buggy was not backing down on this one, truth serums be damned.
"Gol D. Roger is his kidnapper, nothing more," Garling retorted, sitting in a chair opposite Buggy. "He kept Shanks away from me and brainwashed him with the filth of the Lower World. Seeing his son dead would have lessened that sting, but you have also robbed me of that opportunity."
Fucker. As soon as Buggy was out he was going to sink his daggers in his throat.
"Now, I was willing to dismiss Shanks' rebellion as long as he was not actively interfering with our plans. However, that is no longer the case. As such, you are here to act both as bait and to offer me information on his comings and goings. It shouldn't be too hard for your; I am aware how little pirates value trust even among allies."
"You think I'm just going to what? Spill the truth about plans I have no idea about?" Buggy snarked and flinched the next moment when his body flared in pain. Fuck this, he'd rather deal with Teach's shitty devil fruit user grunt again.
"As I mentioned, the effects of lying are quite unpleasant," Garling smirked slightly. "How long has my son been working against the World Government?"
"Fuck yo - shit."
The asshole knew what we was asking, Buggy had to give him that.
"Should I repeat my question? Failing to answer it a second time will simply prologue the pain."
"You can take your question and shove it -" the more Buggy talked the more his body flared in agony. Flashy fuck, it hurt to breathe. "Years," he gasped out. It seemed the one word answer was enough to satisfy the drug because the pain stopped the moment he answered.
"That is perhaps not unexpected." Garling hummed to himself. "After Shanks fled the Holy City, I had assumed his reasons for returning to the family had been less than honest. Especially when he stole that devil fruit. I was surprised he did not eat it himself to try to unlock his powers. Why didn't he?"
"How should I know?" Buggy asked, through clenched teeth. "I wasn't there." The pain lessened.
"I suppose you are correct," Garling answered with a nasty smile. "But surely he must have talked to you about it. What did my son tell you about his reasons?"
Everything. Buggy bit his lip in pain. How Shanks had initially thought the devil fruit should be for Ace, for the little brother they knew they had, but didn't know who or where he was. How Luffy had eaten it by accident because he was mad at Shanks. How the brat had then called out is dream, fearless and bold just like Captain had. How Shanks had laughed and left his hat behind, crowned the little prince.
"That it was an accident."
His temples throbbed in pain. Apparently half-truths wouldn't be satisfying anymore, not when the truth was vaster than anything Garling could have anticipated. Captain coming back from Laughtale, telling him and Shanks the crew had been too early. Tasking them to wait. Telling them the fruit could not fall in World Government hands. Two kids handed a dream that was not theirs, but that no one else could carry.
"An accident," Garling hummed. "My son lost a devil fruit the World Government coveted for centuries and his arm in the East Blue in what - accidents?"
"Oh no," Buggy purred. Yeah, they weren't playing this game anymore. Garling wanted to know? Oh he'd know. "The arm wasn't an accident. It was deliberate. You think anything would have been able to make Shanks lose an arm in the East Blue? No, he let an Sea King eat it to get rid of that fucking brand."
Garling's calm façade shattered, features twisting in hatred. "What?"
"What? You think Shanks wanted to remain branded like a slave by your so-called lord?" the Elder rose to his feet, hand on the pommel of his sword. "Oh, I wasn't supposed to know?" Buggy laughed, high and hysterical, the sort of laugh that put even his partners on edge when they heard it. "You didn't think Shanks told me about it, did you? I was just the clown, the fool, why would I know? You all are nothing but puppets, truly."
"How dare you -"
"Oh, I dare so fucking much more. You wanted the truth, didn't you? What, it's uncomfortable when it's your own? You grabbed me cuz you want to bring my brother here? Well, flashy news, he's not going to come. He knows I'd eviscerate him if he did. If he stepped foot one back on this cursed land. The only reason I'd accept his presence here would be if you got your hands on his kid, but then again you can't catch Monkey D. Luffy, now can you?" Buggy asked sharply.
"What do you mean that boy is my son's child?"
"Flashy hell, you really though it was some high plan, didn't you?" Buggy cackled. "Some strategy, some insight in the future that Shanks had. Something Captain learned at Laughtale, perhaps," he lowered his voice, eyes going flint sharp. "Instead it was something you can't ever fucking understand. It was love. My brother just found himself a dumb brat to call son in the East Blue and that kid is now kicking your asses all over the New World."
"Enough! If my son will not be convinced to come for you, perhaps he will be convinced if I send him pieces of you."
Before Garling could act, before he could even unsheathe his sword, a large - was that a three headed dog? - came barrelling inside the room, knocking the man down and rendering him unconscious. What the flashy fuck.
"Good boy, Cerberus," a voice came the doorframe and Buggy turned his attention from the dog to the newcomer.
"Perhaps you should not have antagonised Father if you wished to return to Shanks in one piece," the man pointed out and Buggy groaned, loud and hard and despairing. Of course. Of course both of them would be nuisances.
"Shamrock, I suppose? Does Shanks know you're also playing both sides?"
"He does not," Shamrock said, unlocking the cuffs and helping Buggy stand. Fuck, but his legs felt like jelly. "Although that won't last much longer, I suppose. Father will not simply forget Cerberus knocking him out and there is no one else in the estate that had the keys to your cuffs."
"You - are you insane?" Buggy screeched. "Am I doomed to have only red haired menaces in my life? You blew your cover to save me? You don't even know me! And who the flashy fuck are you even working for? With? Whatever?"
"Dragon," Shamrock answered. The Revolutionary Army. Flashy hell! "And Shanks would have never forgiven me if I let anything happen to you."
"He wouldn't have even known!"
What was it with these two and their dramatic choices?!
Days later, back on Karai Bari, the first thing Buggy did after reuniting with his partners, was pick up a den den mushi and yell at his brother. On principle for the simple fact that his twin was just as insane as him.
"I didn't even want a middle brother!" Buggy yelled in the den den, Shanks cackling on the other side. "Why is he not horrible?"
He pretended not to see the small, shocked smile that flared on Shamrock's face at the words.