Work Text:
What is this?, ART asked.
I was too late to throw up a wall. Nothing.
It's code...a story!
I couldn't tell ART to stop reading. I could ask, but even that didn't always stop it.
It's not a story, it's a screenplay. I wasn't sulking. I don't sulk. I told you it was nothing.
***
The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon, episode XXX
Our Flag Means Death, episode XXX
Canon-era Stede Bonnet and Edward Teach appear on the set of Sanctuary Moon.
SCENE: The main stage of the set of Sanctuary Moon. The bridge. Handlers and extras and assistants mill about. The director's chair, labelled, sits empty. STEDE BONNET and EDWARD TEACH appear in the middle; all activity swarms about them in a rainbow blur. A handler approaches.
HANDLER
You the new extras? Take your marks.
STEDE, aside to Ed
This doesn't look like the Republic of Pirates.
ED, looking around, gauging
Well, it's been rebuilt. Reckon if it's been gentrified, the English'll keep clear.
STEDE, focused on the actors as they stride in
Ooh, look at the fine fabrics!
HANDLER
Come on, you two, budge up, over here. Are you sure you're in the right costumes?
CUT TO:
Stede and Ed skulking behind a food truck.
STEDE
I don't know what to do!
ED
We won't be called back on set today, I think. We've got all night to figure out how to get back to our own time.
STEDE
Yeah, but in the meantime— I can't believe they gave me lines!
ED
You'll be great. Just give it a little more oomph.
STEDE
I'm an actor!
ED
Give it more than that. You are an actor. Now own it. Come on, say it properly. Go.
STEDE
I'm an actor. (clears throat) Wait, I can do it better. I'm an actor!
ED
Oh, boy.
STEDE, posing dramatically
Muse, why have you forsaken me?
ED
C'mon, let's try and find something to eat.
[Once they figure out how to return, Ed pirates a future-outfit for Stede. As they escape, Stede triggers a purple burglar alarm.
"Stay calm," Ed says.
"It'll be okay," Stede says. "You have our word."
This interaction causes a rift in the space-time continuum, which means they'll have to return, and that there will be approximately 253 more episodes].
***
ART was done reading in 3.3 seconds, which meant a reread. I wish you'd written it for World Hoppers.
That was the greatest compliment I could've received.
"Maybe I'll write a second one," I mumbled out loud.
We went back to work, planning an extraction of our humans from an unfortunate and annoying situation.