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despite the way he sometimes behaves with his friends, samir isn't a completely oblivious man.
he can see the way the atmosphere shifts after that kiss, how everyone freezes under the weight of it, including paul baker, who looks like the guilt might crush him alive.
so samir opens his mouth and suggests a movie, which was their original intention for the evening anyway, and it works, snapping everyone out of their haze for a few moments. samir tries to keep it going, because he can see the line of tension on both anton's and paul baker's shoulders.
stunned silence reigns anyway, throwing a wrench into his plans. samir never thought he'd be excited for the power to go out, because it saves them from having to continue. "bed, instead, i guess? i'll call them tomorrow," his voice ringing infinitely louder in the dark.
he and billie clean the table, taking the cake to the kitchen. samir wraps it in plastic, shoving it into the fridge as fast as he can to keep the cold in. as he mentally makes a note to buy dry ice tomorrow, he hears the front door close with a quiet click!
he thought he'd heard them all go upstairs, but he'll check really fast before he goes to sleep. samir bids billie goodnight. then he stands, scrolling through his messages. after a few minutes, samir deems it safe to find his way out of the kitchen, using his phone flashlight to avoid adding a concussion to whatever else went on today.
very slowly, he twists the handle, the porch light spilling into the house as he opens the door. samir's eyes take a second to adjust, but when they do, he recognizes the shape of paul baker on the front steps.
a sound echoes in the night. samir suddenly realizes the sound came from paul baker, who is still dressed in his wedding suit. he takes a step out onto the concrete, quietly closing the door behind him. the sound reoccurs, slightly quieter than the original.
paul baker is crying.
he's not sure he's equipped for this. in all honesty, he should grab issa. or maybe anton, his newly minted spouse, except then samir thinks billie is the most adult out of them, if he starts a ranking in his head. but samir had said that paul baker was his guy, and he meant it. he can handle this. he is more emotionally aware than most people he knows; his family made sure of that. middle eastern families are often touchy feely and full of phrases to express love beyond any measurable amount, his being a prime example.
his aunts would pinch his cheeks, his cousins spilling family tea with each other, bodies squished onto the couches, as they'd learned it. samir would be the one to calm his parents, to help his sisters with their crises. that's what family does, or at least, it's what his family does. they never shied away from it. samir, as a man in the household, originally had to rein it in, but he expresses it freely with his second family.
plus, it would take far too long for him to grab any of them, especially when they're all acting weird.
samir makes up his mind. he walks forward with all the confidence he shouldn't have for the situation he's about to put himself in, reassuring himself that he's got this. he's an adult with a house and bills. his sisters have had louder meltdowns in two languages for less. samir can do anything.
then he unceremoniously drops flat on his ass next to paul baker, who jumps once he realizes he's not alone. "oh, samir," his voice sounds wrecked. samir's chest kind of aches; he's gotten really attached in the last few months. dead serious when he said he'd marry paul baker. he just fit in so well. he thinks his mother would like- okay, rein it in, samir. focus.
"hey, buddy," he winces at his own delivery. buddy? paul baker's not five years old. "my bad, man. are you okay?"
the streetlight is bright, harsh, but it illuminates paul baker's face. samir feels terrible, seeing the tear tracks shining on his cheeks. paul baker tries for a smile. it's small and wobbly at best, disappearing almost as quickly as it came. his normal mask is clearly cracked, his face dropping, his gaze fixating on the curb. "i'm... i'm okay." samir resists the almost overwhelming urge to call him out on it, opting instead for a gentle, "are you sure? you know i'm here to support you too."
a watery gasp answers him. "but... i-issa and anton a-are your friends. sh-shouldn't you be w-worrying about them?"
shit.
does paul baker really think they only keep him around because he's issa's boyfriend? offhandedly, samir wonders if maybe they'd gone wrong somewhere, or if this is just a result of the emotional toll the day had taken on him.
either way, he needs to say something. "you're my friend too, paul baker. i have room enough to worry about all of you." he finishes his declarations with a wink, drawing a giggle out of his friend. samir takes the win. knowing his proclivity for physical touch, samir shifts closer, setting his hand down on paul baker's arm.
"i'm not going to leave you here to suffer on your own. if you don't want to talk about it, that's okay, i can just sit here with you until you're ready to go inside. you can even sleep in my room? if that helps? but again, genuinely... are you okay?" during his mini speech, paul baker's eyes had welled with tears again. the distress is written so clearly across his face, it doesn't surprise samir when a sob escapes him, quiet and heartbroken. what does shock him is the way they'd apparently shared the same idea.
in the split second samir opens his arms towards paul baker, he's already leaning into samir. before paul baker moved in, samir had stated that he didn't know where they'd put him because of his size. right now, paul baker feels so small in samir's arms, his sobs muffled in samir's suit vest. the fabric wrinkles in paul baker's grasp, but samir doesn't mind in the slightest, concern for his friend the only thing on his mind.
he thinks back to the way his mom would comfort him when he was upset. pulling paul baker closer, he adjusts his position, rubbing a hand up and down his spine. being this close to someone who's crying is new for him, but samir is determined not to fuck this up.
paul baker's shoulders are shaking. samir is too aware of the way his chest is heaving, of the sticky spot where the tears have soaked his shirt. he won't move. samir will comfort paul baker, dammit, because he's hurting and he's samir's guy and this is what he needs.
they sit in their respective positions for some time. he repeats, "i'm here," feeling awkward but knowing his mom would be proud of him. if she could see him now, samir thinks. then he frowns. his brain made it sound like she'd died. they were just out of town. not that serious. samir clocks back in to a change in weight against his chest.
silence reigns for a few minutes after that. samir gets his thoughts in order, processing the way paul baker's gone completely boneless, reduced to sniffles and shuddering breaths.
he lets paul baker push off of him. samir keeps his hand around his back, waiting. he's doing a lot of that tonight, watching paul baker scrub at his face with his hands. "i'm so," he cuts off, takes a deep breath, tries again, "s-so sorry, samir."
"there's nothing to be sorry for, paul baker. today was a lot, especially for you. don't argue with me," he adds, when it looks like paul baker is about to protest, "you were the one who discovered, in one day, that your visa was expiring, that you might have to leave us, that you were going to get married-"
samir's now counting off on his fingers for dramatic effect. "- that issa was married, and we all knew, which... that was shitty, i'm sorry we didn't tell you, that's a story for later, and then anton married you instead, and then that kiss. i'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed, to say the least."
eyes wide as saucers, paul baker nods. samir can see how both issa and anton fell for him. between his doe eyes and his soft, kind demeanor, if samir was gay, he'd be in the same boat. he can dissect that train of thought later.
"i just..." paul baker starts, then adds, "mindwipe?"
"no," samir says, startling himself and paul baker, who stares at him, adorably confused.
it's as if someone else is talking, except it's his own voice. he's definitely the one speaking. "no. we're not going to mindwipe your very valid feelings. you're not burdening me, paul baker. i'm not going to leave you alone with this. now, out with it."
thankfully, paul baker does not cry a third time. he takes a deep breath, slumping against samir's shoulder. winding his arm back around paul baker, he watches him wrestle with his thoughts. he thumbs at paul baker's hip absentmindedly, hoping he didn't just close off at samir's refusal to mindwipe.
he was serious. sometimes they use the mindwipe too often, to get away from vulnerability or the consequences of their thoughts and actions, but samir won't let it slide this time.
"i feel kind of stupid, you know?" it's low in volume, but at least he's spilling his thoughts, "i thought maybe i could push myself through this, because you all wanted to me to stay. marriage means something to me, but i figured i could sacrifice it because it would give me something i wanted. all i asked was that she doesn't lie to me. and instead i find out she's lied the whole time, and then she said she couldn't marry me. then it turned into 'any one of us would marry you', but she had quite literally just said she couldn't!"
paul baker sniffles. "i can't believe she'd been married up until this morning. and now i've fucked it all up. i'm married to anton, who i think i might have a crush on? he bought me a glowstick."
that's where samir loses the plot. is that a euphemism? it must show on his face, because paul baker clarifies. "at the bar, earlier. i told anton i'd had a plan for my wedding, with glowsticks at the afterparty." it clicks. "oooh," samir breathes, "that's why he had the yellow glowstick. okay, makes sense. continue?"
"the guilt is crushing me, and i feel like i can’t breathe. i think i owe you one for the power going out. i love issa, but i feel so confused. and i love all of you, i don't want to lose any of you, but i think the best option is for me to just leave?"
his expression looks like it pained him to even think it, let alone say it aloud.
samir can't help himself. "no, dude, that's not the answer. i know it's complicated, but we didn't go through all this just for you to leave. that's like, that's the opposite of the goal. we'll figure it out, okay?" paul baker looks up at him, whispers, "are you sure? i don't want to ruin the house dynamics." samir feels ridiculously certain. he's not going to let this implode. "absolutely."
"now come on, it's been a long, fucked-up day. we both need sleep."
paul baker sits up, picking at his already chipped nail polish, looking at the front door nervously.
samir stands, offering his hand. "you're sleeping in my bed."
a hand slides into his, squeezing, "my guy, are you propositioning me?" samir shoves him, "yeah, man. seems to be the theme of the day. actually, that's definitely why i came out here! to get a piece of the paul baker cake!" paul baker laughs, the sound reassuring to samir. later, when they're lying side by side in bed, samir hears a little, "thank you," from his right. "of course, man," he turns, but paul baker is already asleep.
he smiles, covers his friend with a blanket, and follows suit.
and if samir wakes the next morning with paul baker burrowed into his side, well.
anything for his guy.