Chapter Text
The room is bathed in soft twilight, illuminated only by the golden light from the streetlamp filtering through the curtains. Everything is quiet. The world seems far away, suspended somewhere outside this apartment.
Yet, lying next to her, Maya still isn’t asleep.
Carina has sensed this for several minutes now.
She feels her irregular breathing, the slightest movements in the sheets. The way her fingers sometimes clench against her waist before relaxing immediately, as if even in the silence, her body completely refuses to relax.
Maya thinks she’s doing a very good job of pretending to sleep.
But Carina knows her too well for that.
Lying facing her, their legs still tangled beneath the covers, Carina finally opens her eyes and lifts her head slightly off the pillow. In the darkness, she makes out Maya’s features turned toward the ceiling, her eyes open, lost somewhere far away.
She moves a little closer.
Her hand gently slides into Maya’s hair. She strokes it slowly with her fingertips, with that infinite tenderness that always makes something inside Maya melt.
— Amore…
Her voice is low, still half-asleep.
— Why aren’t you sleeping?
Maya closes her eyes for a second at the touch of her hand. Her breath falters before she shrugs.
- I don’t know…
Carina smiles softly in the dark.
A lie.
She continues to run her fingers through her hair, gently, until she feels Maya draw closer to her almost unconsciously, drawn by the warmth of her body.
— You’re exhausted…
This time, Maya lets out a small, joyless laugh.
Silence returns for a few seconds. A heavy but tender silence, filled with secrets Maya has kept locked away behind her ribs for years.
Carina waits.
She never forces anything.
Her fingers now rest against the back of her neck, slowly caressing her skin. Maya swallows with difficulty before whispering, her eyes still fixed on the ceiling:
— I think… I just don’t know how to do it.
Carina frowns slightly.
— How to do what?
Maya takes a deep breath. Her body suddenly feels heavier against the mattress.
— Sleep normally.
The words come out in an almost shameful whisper. Like a weakness. Like something she should have learned long ago.
Carina doesn’t say anything right away.
Her hand finds Maya’s and intertwines their fingers. This gesture simply means she’s there. That Maya can speak freely to her.
— When I was little… my father hated it when I slept too much.
Her voice remains calm, but Carina immediately feels the tension return to her shoulders.
— He said that weak people needed rest. That champions worked while others slept.
Carina’s stomach gently knots up.
— He’d wake me up before sunrise to go running. And if I had trouble getting up…
She pauses, her throat tightening.
— He’d take a bucket of ice-cold water and throw it over me in bed.
Carina stops breathing for a split second.
— He said that after that, my bed would become unpleasant enough that I wouldn’t want to stay in it anymore.
The silence that follows is terrible.
Something breaks inside Carina.
Her hand leaves Maya’s to gently cup her cheek. Maya finally turns her eyes toward her, and even in the darkness, Carina can see the immense weariness she has carried for years.
Not just physical.
A deeper weariness. An ancient one.
— Maya…
Her voice trembles almost against her will.
But Maya gently shakes her head.
— It’s stupid.
—No.
The answer comes immediately. Firmly.
Carina presses herself a little closer to her until she can feel her breath against her own.
— It’s not stupid.
Maya looks at her for a few seconds in silence before looking away slightly. Her hand reaches for Carina’s in the sheets, as if she needs something to hold onto while she talks about her injuries.
— I never really rested.
Her thumb absentmindedly strokes Carina’s fingers.
— Even after competitions, training… my body was always on high alert. As if I had to be ready to jump up at a moment’s notice. As if sleeping deeply were dangerous.
Maya swallows hard before continuing, her voice even lower:
— And now, when I sleep with you…
She hesitates.
Admitting it makes her feel vulnerable.
— I love it so much that it scares me. I want to let go when I’m with you. Really. I want to fall asleep against you and think of nothing but… I don’t know how to do it.
Her voice breaks on the last words.
She places a gentle kiss on Carina’s lips, suddenly needing that tenderness to regain her strength.
— Sometimes I’m afraid.
Carina gently rests her forehead against his.
— Afraid of what, amore?
— Afraid of falling into a deep sleep and something happening without me realizing it. I’m afraid of waking up and realizing you’re no longer here.
This sentence completely shatters Carina.
Her eyes fill with tears. Not just because of the pain in Maya’s voice, but because she finally understands how much this woman has lived her whole life in fear of being abandoned.
As if happiness could only ever be temporary.
As if loving someone inevitably meant losing them one day.
Carina doesn’t answer right away.
Her legs entwine further with Maya’s. Her arms wrap around her completely, slowly, as if she were trying to rebuild something around her piece by piece.
Then she plants a kiss in her hair. Another on her temple, her cheek, her nose… everywhere.
She whispers:
— I’m here.
Maya instantly closes her eyes.
Those three words wash over her body with a tenderness she’s never known.
Carina slowly strokes her back through the fabric of her T-shirt, her nails occasionally grazing her skin, sending a slight shiver through her.
— And I’ll still be here when you open your eyes tomorrow morning. And the morning after that, too.
Maya lets out a stifled sob before a tear rolls down her cheek. She instinctively buries her face in Carina’s neck, trying to hide everything she’s suddenly feeling too strongly.
But Carina simply holds her a little tighter.
— You don’t need to stay on guard here anymore…
Her lips brush against his forehead.
— No one’s going to wake you up abruptly. No one’s going to tear you away from your sleep.
Her fingers run through his hair with an almost sacred slowness.
— Let me take care of you now.
Silence returns gently after that.
But it’s no longer heavy.
Maya stays curled up against her for long minutes, slowly breathing in the scent of her skin, the reassuring warmth of her body, the steady beat of her heart beneath her cheek.
And for the first time in a very long time…
Her body finally begins to understand that she’s safe here.
Carina continues her gentle caresses until she feels Maya’s breathing change little by little. Slower. Deeper.
Maya still fights sleep a little, more out of reflex than willpower. But every time she tenses up, Carina’s fingers return to her hair, to the nape of her neck, to her back, like a silent promise that she won’t let her down.
So finally…
Maya falls asleep against her.
Truly.
And even in her sleep, her fingers remain clinging to Carina’s T-shirt, just to feel that she’s really there, that she’s real.
Carina looks down at her in the dim light, then smiles softly before placing one last kiss on her hair and staying awake a little longer, simply to watch her sleep.