Chapter Text
It had been a year now since Castiel had died confessing and suddenly came back, without any trace of remorse for it and any will or want to talk about it with Dean, or anyone else for that matter.
Dean had learned to deal with it. It wasn't something out of the ordinary either, Cas and him were famously known for getting back into each other's life without ever apologising for anything they could have done to the other in the past.
They'd usually hug it out, but since Dean learned about the fact that Castiel was deeply in love with him, he decided that maybe it was best to not hug. And do not get him wrong, he didn't mind Cas being in love with him, he didn't find it disgusting or uncomfortable.
Dean was just the kind of guy to lead people on without ever noticing, and sadly, that had hurt a lot of people in the past. Even though Dean didn't love Castiel the way Castiel loved him, he still didn't want to break his heart.
And he felt that hugging could send the wrong signals.
So they hadn't hugged like they usually did. Dean didn't mind. It did feel weird to simply smile and wave back at Cas when he came back.
Dean hadn't told anyone either, it was his secret to bear. A heavy secret that, if he was a hundred percent honest, he was mad about. He wasn't mad at the angel for loving him, he was mad at the way he confessed.
Seriously, saying all of that and killing yourself in the next minute?
Yeah, Dean was peachy about it.
Dean had been pretty obvious about it for the first few weeks. Every time Cas would ask for Dean to give him a mug or some coffee, Dean would always answer something along the lines of only if you don't kill yourself after. Which could be seen as an insensitive joke.
Dean wasn't joking though. No, he had been mad at Castiel during months. He then realised it sucked to not have his best friend around. Dean missed Cas. He wanted to watch movie with him again and most importantly, Dean wanted to introduce Miracle to the angel.
So what was a better opportunity to talk about it all than when Sam was gone on a run with Eileen and nobody else was in the bunker? Nothing was a better opportunity.
When Castiel walked into the bunker's kitchen, Dean was very much decided on talking about it.
"Morning, sunshine." Dean said. That did not move an inch. The nickname hadn't changed and that was the only thing Dean was allowing himself to keep. It could possibly send the wrong signals, but Dean had always called Cas that, and he wasn't going to stop now.
"Good morning, Dean." Castiel answered, voice still very low as he walked towards the table. The angel could sleep now, that was something Dean had realised one day when he came back from the grocery store only to find the angel asleep in the Dean Cave.
Dean followed Castiel at the table, two mugs filled with coffee in his hands. It was eight in the morning, way too early to have this conversation, and yet.
"We need to talk, Cas." Dean said, and he tried for his voice not to shake, he succeeded at it too because when Cas looked up from his mug, he had a slight frown on his eyebrows, genuinely curious. "About- You know." He continued and Cas' eyes grew a little wider. He gently put the mug on the table, looking back down at it.
"Oh."
"Yeah," Dean answered. He didn't want to hurt the angel, so maybe it was better to just say it now and move on with their lives, instead of doing whatever else Dean had planned on doing. "Did you mean it?" And Dean knew the angel had meant it. He was simply giving Castiel an escape, a way out.
"Yes, I did." Castiel nodded, drinking in his mug. He looked back at Dean with the kind of confidence Dean had never seen from Castiel. "I am not ashamed of my feelings for you, Dean. I did love you, and I still do." He continued, keeping the eye-contact with Dean. "It might be uncomfortable for you to know, but I am glad that you are aware of what I feel."
Dean closed his eyes for a second. He was already very confused about how and why Castiel loved him, but now, Castiel was saying it so proudly it looked like Castiel loved Dean in a way Christians would love God.
Maybe that was stretching it.
"Why though?" Dean simply said his thoughts. The world wasn't in danger anymore, nobody was going to die or sacrifice themselves for the greater good. He thought that maybe, maybe talking would be good.
Not with Sam though. He still struggled telling Sam stuff like that, or actually communicating. That was different though, because Sam was his brother and that made it weirder. Dean basically raised him, it felt weird to share his personal feelings with his -basically- kid.
Castiel tilted his head, frowning slightly. "I would give you a list and all of the details of those reasons, Dean, but it could and would take days." He smiled slightly. "And I do believe I made a pretty good summary of it all before dying." He took a sip again, still smiling against the mug.
Dean looked away, his jaw muscle ticked and Castiel obviously noticed because he pressed his lips into a line, letting a small sigh out.
"I am sorry, Dean." He added and Dean looked back at Castiel. For how you feel? Was the question Dean left unasked. "For the way I did it." Castiel answered and it was like he had read Dean's mind. "You have to believe confessing to you before dying was not in my plans." He nodded, still looking at the hunter with those same eyes that made Dean feel so bad for him. "But I do believe that, in the moment, me being taken by the empty was the only way to save your life."
"Okay. Sure, man. Just don't do it again." Dean said, but it sounded more like a question.
"I will do it again if needed, Dean." Castiel's frown disappeared a little. "But I doubt I will need to do such things again, since Chuck is gone." Dean tilted his head, nodding. Fair enough.
"Cas, I-" Dean started, frowning slightly while trying to find a way to say the things he wanted to say. "About you being- You know." He continued and Castiel nodded.
"In love with you." Castiel said. He said it so casually it almost made Dean choke on his coffee.
"Yeah. That." He blinked, swallowing his saliva hard. "I'm sorry, man. I'm not-" He tried. "It's not-" He continued, frowning at his own words. This was the worst rejection he had ever gave.
"I know, Dean." The angel answered anyway, putting the mug back down and straightening in his seat. "I feel a certain way towards you but that doesn't mean you do too. I am fully aware of it, and I am not expecting anything from you."
"I'll help," Dean nodded at his own words. "I'll find you another dude-"
"Dean, I am not-" Castiel frowned. "I do not want someone else." He looked into his eyes with an intensity Dean wasn't sure where it was coming from.
"Cas, you- You'll need to move on-" Dean started. "I don't-"
"I know but, simply because you do not love me doesn't mean I should stop loving you, Dean." He made sure Dean heard correctly, because he was staring and Dean didn't do well with staring. He didn't really know why, because it was fine when Sam, Jack, Eileen or literally anyone other than Cas would stare at him.
"Dude, unrequited love sucks ass." Dean noted. "You have to move on, this'll hurt like a bitch." His face was covered in confusion, and he knew that because a smile pulled on Castiel's lips.
"I meant what I said, Dean." He continued. "Love isn't just in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it."
"Do not quote your deathbed love confession, Cas." Dean warned, voice low enough for Castiel to nod slightly, a small smile still harbouring his lips.
"I do not expect anything from you. I take what I am given. If being your best friend is what I get, I will happily be your best friend, Dean." Castiel said as the bunker's front door creaked open. "But do not force me to stop loving you, because I love loving you. Falling for you is a peaceful process." He continued, lowering his voice as if he had the same worries as Dean : That the others would walk into the kitchen and hear everything. "And I do not wish to stop."
Dean took a deep breath, passing a hand on his face like he was wiping sweat from his skin. His skin wasn't sweaty at all, but oh well.
"Sure, Cas." Dean finally answered. "Love me, I guess." He shrugged softly and Castiel nodded, a bigger smile on his lips. "I can't do anything about it, anyway.." He muttered to himself as Sam walked into the kitchen, Eileen at his side.
The morning went by. It wasn't awkward, and that was what was awkward for Dean. The fact that the whole thing wasn't weird was weird. Why wasn't he acting weird? Why was Cas not acting weird?
Dean made breakfast after Sam and Eileen went to shower, together, which was now a thing they did and they warned people about it too.
Dean was half glad half disgusted by it. Half glad because thanks to this Dean hadn't walked in on them having sex even once. Half disgusted because Dean didn't need to know when Sam had sex and in which room.
They wouldn't say it explicitly, of course, but Eileen would smirk at Dean while saying "We're going to the gym, do not come with us." and Dean wasn't dumb enough to not understand what it meant.
But at least when Sam and Eileen came back from the shower, they were both clean and they didn't smell like sweat, or sex. Dean was thanking himself everyday that he taught Sam to have a good hygiene, ironic because Sam could be described as more hygienic than Dean.
"Bacon? Really, Dean?" Sam's eyes fell to the plate on the table, greasy pork meat was resting on it. Dean rolled his eyes, he was making breakfast for everyone and god forbid he misplaced a plate. "Why would you cook bacon and-"
"That's because that one's not for you." Dean pushed the plate towards Cas, this one smiled to thank him. He nodded and looked back at his brother. "I got you your disgusting vegetarian bacon. Next time, I'm not buying that shit, you are." He pat Sam's shoulder with a smile before going to get Eileen and Sam's plate.
"Where's yours?" Castiel asked, eating a piece of the omelette he insisted on having with the bacon.
"Don't worry 'bout it." Dean answered, walking towards the stove to turn it off.
"You're not eating?" Sam asked, taking a bite of his disgusting fake-bacon that Dean really didn't understand. Seriously, he raised the guy and he became a vegetarian, somehow. Dean looked at Sam with a pointed look, then opened the fridge the take a piece of pie out of the fridge. He smiled when he saw Eileen chuckle. "Dude, that's my cake!" Sam protested.
"You don't deserve the pie, Sammy. You call it cake." Dean answered and his eyes passed on Castiel. The angel was looking at him with heart eyes. Even when he noticed Dean looking at him, it didn't stop Castiel from looking.
"I still bought it." Sam said, but it was a losing battle and he knew that when Dean stabbed the pie with his fork and brought a piece to his mouth. "Go ahead, man. I bet it's passed anyway."
Dean smiled, raising an eyebrow at his brother as he finished chewing the piece of pie he had in his mouth.
"You think that'd stops me from eating pie." Dean chuckled, shaking his head. He walked towards the little booth and sat down next to the angel. There wasn't any space anywhere else, okay? He wasn't going to sit on the floor or stand up for an hour, he was in his mid forties.
"At least pie is made with healthy fruit." Cas said and Sam turned his head towards him. Dean raised an eyebrow at the angel. "I'd rather eat passed pie than whatever your bacon is made out of." He continued, taking a bite of his real bacon that Dean had cooked with much more love than Sam's. Dean tried not to chuckle at the sudden disdain Castiel was feeling for vegetarian bacon.
Not that he was complaining.
"What this bacon is made out of cannot be that bad, Cas." Sam shook his head, trying to get Eileen to support him. She shrugged, continuing to eat her also very normal bacon. She didn't know enough and decided to shut up. Dean loved her.
He shut his mouth too, because he didn't know shit about the topic.
"No, probably not. You might not be hurting animals, Sam, you still end up you participating in the almost-slavery methods these vegetarian alternatives are made by." He nodded, continuing to talk. Dean frowned. He didn't know that. "Though, I do agree with meat industry is quite horrible. I did make Dean buy the meat from the farmer a few miles from us." Sam stared down at the angel, then back at his food, then back up at Cas. Dean followed. "It is, after all, more ethical." He took a bite of his bacon.
Sam stared down at his plate, grimacing.
"You are free to eat whatever you want, Sam. Eat the weird bacon if you want to eat the weird bacon." The angel added to soften the blow. Sam looked up, frowning.
"Sent me link to the videos or articles about it please." Sam asked, pushing a piece of his bacon into his mouth. Dean cooked it, might as well be eaten. Castiel nodded as an answer.
Of course the angel's reaction was caused because of a documentary he had seen about it. It made Dean want to chuckle, but it was good to know, he guessed. Castiel had been into documentaries a lot.
The angel already knew too much, and yet he wanted to learn more, and more, and more. Dean couldn't really understand but he didn't mind watching them with him. They had a system now. Every Wednesday and Fridays were movie nights, Wednesdays were for Dean's movies and Fridays were for Castiel's documentaries.
Dean couldn't lie about it, he had found it very very boring at first. Then he found out penguins gave each other rocks to confess to each other and found it too cute to fall asleep to, so he watched. And the time after, when Cas told him a fun fact about bees, he was interested enough to stay awake during the entirety of the documentary.
Dean was a simple man, just tell him bees basically work like angels in heaven and he'd be into the documentary.
The day went by faster than the morning did. Sam and Eileen went on a hunt, Claire picked up the demon blade to kill some bitch with her girlfriend and Dean was in the garage, fixing up Kaia's car like he promised he would.
Cas was reading a book in the garage too, not close to Dean but in the same room. Dean didn't really know why the angel started reading in there but he didn't mind, so he let him do it. Sometimes when Dean was under the hood, he'd ask the angel for a tool and in the next seconds, he would see Cas' hand wrapped around the tool, lowered enough for Dean to take it.
And he spent the day on the car. For some reason Kaia hadn't learned that they needed an oil change, so he had to explain that to her and do it for her. She had the car for two years and never did an oil change, which was alarming, really.
He fixed the dents in the rocker panel and the turn signals that had lightbulb that weren't working anymore. Dean wondered how Kaia did to stay alive with a car like that, without ever fixing it. She just had to take a wrong turn at the wrong moment and she was done for.
Those lights were useful, he needed to remind her of that. Maybe he'd ask her to come over at least once every two months too, just in case.
He rolled out of under the car and with a groan, he raised his body up, stretching his back real slowly. Again, Dean was in his mid forties, let the man suffer of back pain in peace. Most of the times, he tried not to show when his back was bothering him because when Sam noticed for the first time, Dean had a wonderful week full of You okay, old man? and Should I buy you a cane too?
Dean didn't need a cane. His legs weren't hurting and he was pretty sure if he were to get one, Sam would start calling him Dr. House. As much as Dean loved Gregory House, he didn't love him enough to cosplay him.
When Sam's right leg started to crack at every steps, Dean saw an opportunity to make fun of him too. At one point, there had been a silent agreement that they were too old for their body not to suffer, so they stopped making fun of each other.
When Dean'd walk weirdly, Sam would laugh at him. When Sam'd limp, Dean would laugh at him. But no actual words were exchanged except from that.
This was the peace they had both agreed on in silence.
"You should go see a doctor, Dean." Castiel's voice echoed. Dean looked over at the little sofa he installed for the angel in the garage, Castiel was still looking down at his book, turning a page slowly without even looking at the hunter.
"Why? They'll just tell me some shit I already know." He shrugged off the tightness in his back, picking up some cloth to wipe his hands from the dirt. It didn't wipe much off. "It doesn't matter, I'll go walk tonight and won't do much tomorrow. It'll pass." Dean continued, throwing the cloth back onto the table next to the car.
"If you say so." Castiel answered without really seeming to care.
"I do," He noted. "What are you reading anyway?" He frowned, opening up the hood to check if everything was okay one last time. Castiel took a breath, like Dean was bothering him during his reading-time. Dean looked over the car to look at the angel with a surprised and fake-hurt face. "Oh. My apologies, Angel of the Lord. I will not dare bother you during your precious reading-time anymore." He said, taking a royal-like voice as Cas sighed, rolling his eyes.
"I wasn't-" He stopped in his tracks, closing the book. "This book is frustrating. I wasn't annoyed by you, but by the characters and the choices they make." He finally said, pushing the book on the side of the couch to focus on Dean.
Which was the thing Dean needed to see to look back down under the hood.
"What's it about?" He asked anyway, cleaning stuff up like he normally would.
"Well, Bridget is a princess and Rhys is her new bodyguard. It's very- Things happen and Rhys still acts like he's just doing his job." Dean looked up, a slight frown on his face.
He remembered that book. Charlie had basically begged him to read the first one, so he read the whole series. His favourite love interest was Josh and Rhys, but he had a soft spot for Alex, especially in any of the books except his.
"You're reading Twisted Games?" Cas opened his eyes slightly wider. "Yeah, yeah. Don't tell Sam." He pointed at the angel and Cas nodded, a smile growing on his lips. "He's the best out of the four, so talk better about him." He nodded at his own words as he closed the hood.
At least, Rhys hadn't kicked Bridget out of his place after fucking her, then breaking up with her like a douche bag. Dean did love Josh, he did hate that he did that to Jules. He hadn't finished reading Twisted Lies, a little too creepy for Dean, he stopped when Stella found the document in Christian's office, filled with random information about her.
That had been too creepy, a little too dark for Dean.
He was into romance, though you would never actually hear him say it. He only told Charlie once, and she kept the secret like she always kept secrets.
Everything was in order, he hit the side of the car before opening the garage's door to walk out. Castiel stood up from the couch with his book as soon as the door opened. He followed Dean out without a word.
Dean arrived to his bedroom, taking some clothes to go take his shower almost directly after. Castiel was in the way out of Dean's room when Dean tried to walk out of it. He held his clothes to his chest, a frown of confusion on his face.
"Can I help ya, buddy?" Dean asked and Castiel stared in front of him, taking a breath, barely noticeable.
"I'll come walk with you." The angel said before walking away and Dean opened his mouth to talk way too late, because when the Okay came out, the hallway was empty.
Dean didn't really know why Cas had flew the scene, he didn't really care either if he wax completely honest. He assumed it had something to do with the angel being in love with him. He assumed that a lot these days.
He showered, quickly because it was soon to be dark outside and Dean didn't really like walking in the dark. Well, he did, but not tonight. He had his moments, but right now wasn't one. When he walked out of the bathroom and into the Dean Cave, his hair were damp and he had his comfortable clothes on.
"Done with my shower, Cas." He said, walking towards the sofa as he dried his hair with the towel around his neck. The angel turned his head from the TV to look at Dean, his eyes trailed up and down on Dean's body and face, and that wasn't new.
It was at first, but since Castiel had confessed, he hadn't stopped himself from looking at Dean like a crocodile would look at a piece of meat. He hadn't been trying to be subtle about it either, because Sam, who was sitting right next to Cas, faked a cough to burst the bubble Cas had locked himself into.
"Let me get ready," He said, standing up almost directly and walking out. Dean tried not to chuckle as he sat on the armrest of the couch, looking at Sam the same way he was looking at Dean.
"What?" Dean asked, voice almost cold but Sam knew that was just the normality of his and Dean's relationship.
"Nothing," He shrugged, turning back to the TV. "Date night?" He asked, a teasing smile on his lips and Dean rolled his eyes, continuing to dry his hair.
"Ah ah, very funny." Dean said with a straight face and Sam turned towards him again, putting his arm on the back of the couch and pausing the documentary he was watching.
"Seriously though, where are you guys going?" Sam asked, in a more genuine tone and Dean stared for a minute, trying to chose between telling his brother and not telling him.
"Going on a walk. Cas asked to come with me." He shrugged, letting the towel fall around his neck as he looked at the TV. "What are you watching?" His eyes went back on his brother.
"A documentary about World War II." Sam smiled, and Dean groaned. Sam apparently liked history so much now. Well, Dean could remember Sam in high school and he had always been a nerd. So it wasn't that surprising but still. "It's really interesting." He nodded, a smirk pulling up as Castiel walked back into the room.
"There are a few details they missed." Cas said, putting his trench coat on. It was a little too small for him now, Dean realised. He also noticed how big the angel had gotten, way more muscular. Which meant that every single piece of clothing Dean had bought for Cas years ago were now way too small for him. "But it is overall well done." He nodded. "Are we taking Miracle?"
"Nope, he's with Claire and Kaia tonight," He started, throwing his damp towel on his little brother, causing a disgusted groan out of Sam. "Miracle has his own walks. Those are my little moments of peace." He nodded as he caught the towel Sam had thrown back at him.
Sam turned back to the TV when Dean and Castiel started walking out. And off they went, on a walk.
If Dean was honest, he usually preferred to go on those walks alone and he'd be silent for the entirety of it, just thinking, left alone with his thoughts. That used to scare him, leaving himself alone with his thoughts. It didn't anymore, because the world was well and he was honest, again, slowly down on the hunting side of the job was relaxing.
He'd never admit it to Sam or Eileen, but he was tired of being a hunter. Maybe he'd go on a hunt there and there, but he had always pictured himself growing old like Bobby did, except the dying part of course.
Dean opened the door, absentmindedly holding the door open for the angel, then closed it behind them. He had an empty abandoned road he always took, it was peaceful and it would take him less than an hour to walk it.
So that was where they went. At first, Cas stayed silent the same way Dean was, looking around with a relaxed smile, watching the flow of the water from a river that followed the road. Dean didn't know why, but he liked looking at water flowing naturally, it was always something peaceful.
As much as Dean would deny it to himself, those walks weren't only for his back problems but also to relax and not think.
After a little while, Castiel started talking, not really expecting an answer from Dean. He talked about how and why God had chosen for the sky's colour to change that much when he saw a pink reddish cloud appear to their left, how some animals were created and how he had the privilege of being in the room when the angels decided to release new ones into the nature.
And even though Dean had wanted silence, having Castiel talking beside him wasn't bothering him in the slightest.
"Dean, may I talk to you about something more important than the extinctions of Dodos?" He asked, not even looking at Dean and the hunter left his hands fall into his hood's central pocket. He nodded, feeling too relaxed to talk.
He had those moments too.
"Sam has perhaps already talked to you about in brief pieces, but he did mention wanting me to repeat them in details to you during this walk." He continued and Dean continued to listen, looking at the branches on the road. "I did notice how silent you were, so I assumed it might not have been the right moment to talk about it, as it is a relaxing walk." He could see the angel nod to himself next to him.
"Spill it, Cas." He said, voice low as they continued to walk straight. The noise of the tree branches hitting each other was something Dean loved. Sam was probably right, if he wanted to tell him something that could vex Dean, it'd be better to do it in a moment where Dean was fully relaxed.
"Sam and Eileen had planned on moving out, and turning the bunker into a reunion center for hunters. There is, after all, a lot of content about creatures and weapons, the armory could be also used for other trusted hunters." He continued, voice confident. "Of course, the demon blade would stay with us and any other weapons we do not want to share."
"Sam said he could make new demon blades, that he'd need the help of Rowena, but that he probably could." Dean shrugged. "We're keeping the blade for now, though." He went on, kicking a dead branch off of the road and into the river.
"Jack has planned to come down to Earth after finishing the work on Heaven." Castiel said suddenly and Dean frowned. Castiel was looking at him with carefulness Dean had only seen in Sam's eyes before. "I would want to move out of the bunker when he does, Dean."
That made sense. It sucked because Dean loved having the angel around, but it made sense. Jack was four, he needed a home that wasn't a literal bunker who would probably be filled with smelly hunters most of the time.
Dean would end up alone in the bunker. Technically not alone because of the hundreds of hunters that would come over for researches, but Sam and Eileen had been talking about moving out to get a place of their own and getting married soon, so he'd be the only person from the Team Free Will left in the bunker.
"Man. Sharing the bathroom with Sam is already a struggle, but sharing it with a bunch of people coming over will be hell.." Dean said to himself and Cas couldn't help but let out a chuckle. Dean turned his head to look at the angel, chuckling back softly.
The silence stretched in a way that wasn't awkward or annoying, it was pretty relaxing. Dean kept thinking about being alone in the bunker, the pros and the cons. He found more cons than pros.
"Dean, you-" Cas stopped himself. "Nevermind." The angel shook his thoughts away as they turned to continue following the road.
"Relaxing walk, Cas." Dean reminded him. "Just say it." He pat the angel's back before putting his hand back into his pocket. He kicked a few rocks off the road, still looking at water they were following, or the water following them. Though, the water was there before them.
Before Dean, at least.
"When I do move away from the bunker," Castiel started, looking at the sky in front of them. "You are free to come live with Jack and I, if you feel comfortable enough with me, of course." He nodded at his own words as Dean looked at his side slowly.
"I'm not uncomfortable with you, Cas." Dean needed to make sure the angel knew that. He turned his head a little more. "You're my best friend, I would never be uncomfortable around you." He repeated, just to be sure Cas understood.
"You would be alright with living with me, then?" Castiel asked with a careful tone. That tone again, why was everyone using that tone around Dean? He wasn't going to break, god damn it.
"You're my best friend, Cas. I'd be alright spending the rest of my life with you." It came out in a way he knew it shouldn't have come out. It sounded too romantic for a person who had platonic feelings for the angel.
Cas swallowed hard and audibly. "Do not say it like that, Dean."
"Sorry, I didn't.." He took a deep breath. Dean had relaxed too much, and that made him say meaningful stuff. Because he did mean what he had said, he wouldn't mind spending the rest of his life by Cas' side in an old house. "I'm hard to live with, man. You sure you're up for that?" He asked instead of continuing the mess he had started to make.
"Well, Dean, I am in love with you. It is more a pro than a con." He answered and Dean blinked at the words. Cas was saying it with such ease. "I do know how messy you can be, but I do not mind it at all if I get to live with you in the end." He continued, putting his hands in his trench coat's pockets.
"Damn, you're in love in love." Dean frowned, a little smile on his face, mostly amused by it all. He wasn't making fun of Cas, and Castiel knew that because he nodded with a smile.
"I am, indeed."
"Can't understand it.." Dean couldn't stop himself from saying and Castiel's smile wavered for a second.
"You don't have to." He simply answered and Dean frowned again, a little deeper and stronger than he did before.
Dean was confused by the love Castiel was giving him, and the way he was proudly showing it off. After everything Dean had done to Castiel, to the world, the angel was still loving him like he was a saint.
Dean had killed hundreds of people, demons, werewolves, vamps.. He had kick started the apocalypse, had been a shitty brother to Sam, a shitty best friend to Castiel too.
And yet, the angel was still looking at Dean the same way an astronaut would look at the moon, in awe.
"I wanna stop hunting," Dean found himself saying instead of asking why Castiel loved him again. The angel didn't stop. Walking, but he did slow down, so Dean matched his pace. "Not entirely but," He stopped mid sentence, he hadn't thought of it that hard. He only thought bits and pieces of it, then stopped himself from thinking about it.
Except on relaxing walks. On relaxing walks, Dean could think whatever he wanted, because as soon as he'd step inside the bunker, those thoughts would be far gone under a pile of other thoughts he was ignoring.
"You could stop," Castiel answered anyway. "We are moving out, after all." He nodded, voice soft like he was trying not to break the man he was in love with. "I too am pretty tired of hunting, I wish I could just garden and relax most days. I would help other hunters of course, but not in a way that would put myself, you, Jack or anyone else close to me in danger." Dean hummed a noise of agreement.
"Bobby's house's not that far," Dean shrugged. "I mean, sure, we'd need to renovate it a bit but it was a pretty good house before everything went down." He continued, kicking rocks and branches off the road and into the river.
"It has been abandoned for years, Dean. We would need to renovate a lot." Cas answered and Dean nodded anyway. "But we have the money to renovate it thanks to Charlie, so yes, we could live in his old house." He ended by saying and Dean's lips pulled into a smile. Castiel couldn't see it but he wasn't meant to anyway.
Silence reigned again except now, every time Dean tried to kick a rock or a branch into the river, Castiel would stop him with a glare. So Dean stopped kicking stuff into the river, instead he started kicking stuff into Cas' legs, just to annoy him a little.
Every time he would, the angel would look at him fondly and shake his head like Dean was a child who had just learned to disobey.
"I like cars," Dean said suddenly, still relaxed but a lot more lively. Those relaxing walks were usually silent and not really fun. Turns out having someone during this walk made it a hundred times better.
Castiel turned his head towards Dean, a small smile on his lips as he raised an eyebrow, encouraging Dean into talking more.
"Kaia's car this morning, I like fixing it. I like fixing cars up." He continued, stopping on the side of the road and kneeling to look through the little plants. When Cas looked over Dean's shoulder, he realised it was a small part of the grass that were actually filled with clovers. "Bobby had a huge garage next to the house where he could go under the cars without ever having to move his back." Dean continued explaining, passing a hand through the clovers to find one with four leaves.
"You would want to do that." Castiel said but it sounded like he had asked, joining Dean on the ground. Dean didn't look at the angel. Instead, they started looking for a four leaves clover together.
"I'd help, you know? Like Bobby did," He continued and finally, finally a smile stretched on his lips when he found a clover with four damn leaves. "Here," He handed it to the angel without even thinking about it. "My mom and I used to search for them in the grass when we were out." Dean started and god, why was he spewing out all of that shit?
"Mary went clover hunting?" Castiel asked with a smirk on his face as he put the clover Dean had gave him softly in his other hand.
"Before she died," He stated. "The first time." He continued, still passing his fingers through the grass to find a second clover. "She used to love searching for those things, she'd keep them in books while waiting for them to dry and a little later, when they were, she'd give each of us one." He didn't think of this memory as much as he should've been. It was a happy memory, he knew that.
But thinking about the way all of those clovers went into flames later made his skin crawl.
"Dad used to have one in his wallet, and a little pile next to their bed. Mom put all of the lucky clovers she found for Sam in a little box next to his mini closet." He continued. It did feel good to share all of this. Sam didn't know about it, he should probably tell him before they leave and move out. "She used to get me some too, because I searched for them with her." He shrugged, a smile appearing slowly on his lips as he plucked a clover out. The smile faded slightly when he realised the clover only had three leaves.
"You always escape the topic around your mother." Castiel stated, looking down at the clover in his hand. "Why is that?"
"You want the honest, harsh answer? Or the answer I'd give Sammy?" Dean turned his head to look at the angel, and Castiel did the same. He tilted his head with a slight frown.
"Both."
"I loved mom. When she died, it fucked me up and then she came back, and it fucked me up even more. She died again, felt sad." He started, that was the version he had given Sam for a few years now.
"And the honest, harsh answer?" Castiel assumed right and Dean chuckled slightly.
"When my mom died, it was like my entire world had been destroyed. I was five and running out of a room on fire with my little brother of barely seven month." He started. He knew the explanation would be long, but he was too tired to actually give a fuck. "Then Dad taught us how to fight, how to shoot a gun.." He slowed his hand through the grass, the sun was barely visible. "He died and I was relieved, in a way. Sad but relieved." He nodded at his own words.
Castiel was the first person to ever hear that from Dean's mouth. He frowned, pressing his lips together.
"I'm not blind, or deaf, I know my father was a dick, Cas." Dean added, because he knew how the angel felt about John Winchester. "Anyway, life went on. When Amara brought mom back, I was pretty happy." He nodded. "I mean, dead mother coming back. Who wouldn't?"
Cas grimaced at that, like he had been hurt for Dean.
"Anyway, she came back, acted like a mom for two whole days and then left." He shrugged, a smile on his lips as he picked a clover from the ground. Four fucking leaves. Dean was so good at searching for stuff like these. "Felt like shit, told her about it, she shrugged it off." He put the clover in Cas' hand, softly as he dragged his face back to the grass.
He was searching for three other clovers : Jack, Eileen and Sam.
"She barely talked with Sam, was kind of a bitch when we brought it up. Then she started working with the literal enemy, sleeping with him too." He continued, voice low as he searched. "She was my mom, don't get me wrong but the Mary that came back wasn't my mom." He shook his head slightly. "I'm glad, you know, that she had a go at life again. I'm just sad I lost my mom twice, and the second time was when I didn't even believe she was her." He said, clapping his hands against his thighs as he stood back up.
It was too dark to see anything anymore. They needed to get home. Maybe he'd go back and search for more tomorrow afternoon, maybe with Castiel if the angel was willing to come.
"Dean-"
"Nope. The moment is gone now." Dean held up a hand. "Spilled a few secrets that you will keep to yourself," He pointed at the angel with a pointed look. "Because we all know you're a terrible liar."
"That is not true. I once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother."
Dean frowned at him, then chuckled. Alright, sure. Just bring it up like that, why not. Castiel had been very comfortable with sharing his love for Dean and the betrayal he had committed apparently.
Castiel smiled like he had just said a slightly funny joke, and they continued to walk.
Dean realised then that it had been almost an hour since they had gone out. Sitting around and searching for clovers had apparently taken some time, as well as the very small walking they were doing.
But Dean didn't mind. He didn't mind at all, actually. He'd have to explain it to a worried Sam when they would go home, but it was worth it.
"May I admit something, Dean? Since we are already on the topic of sharing secrets," The angel started, clovers still in his hand as he carefully protected them from the possible wind with his other hand. Dean simply nodded, curious.
Dean didn't know everything about Castiel, but he knew enough, which made it weird when he would find out something new about the angel. It was like Dean had never really known him, for some reason.
"I was afraid to come back," He started and Dean frowned, turning his head to look at the angel. "I did not know how you would react. And when I did came back, I was still afraid that you would hate me for it, that my love for you would ruin our friendship." Castiel continued and Dean's heart skipped a beat at the reminder that Castiel loved him.
Which was a crazy concept to Dean, the fact he was romantically lovable. He was trying to get used to Cas saying it. It was a little bit hard to get use to it.
"I told Sam about it," The angel said, his eyes meeting the hunter's as this one simply nodded. Dean was wondering whether or not his brother knew. Well, now he had his answer. "I do hope it's okay."
"Sam's your best friend, Cas. You don't need my consent or whatever to talk to him about something." Dean simply answered, looking back down at the river on his other side.
"You are my best friend, Dean." The angel corrected and a smile creeped up on Dean's lips. Dean didn't really know why but he liked having confirmation that other people felt the same way he did towards him.
"And you're mine, Cas." He nodded. "But you can have two of those." Castiel hummed, probably disagreeing. "You don't talk about your crush to your crush, you talk about them with your friends. And even though I do fall under that category," Dean raised his head and pat a hand on Cas' shoulder. "You still have a massive crush on me."
That made the angel smile. He nodded at Dean's words.
"I'm glad you are fine with Sam knowing, I was worried you would hate me for it." The angel answered and Dean shook his head, frowning as he put his hand back into his hoodie's main pocket.
"Could never hate you, Cas." Dean stated. "You betrayed me, I betrayed you. You hurt me, I hurt you." He continued. "And you're still my best friend." He shrugged. "If I started hating you for feeling stuff that you have no control over, it'd be a new low for me."
"I might go on walks with you more often if you are open to talk about your feelings that way every time." Castiel said, voice and Dean then realised that he had be totally honest during the whole conversation.
In almost a single hour, the angel had learned more about the little details of Dean Winchester than anyone else in the world.
It was kind of creepy the way Dean would relax a lot more while having Castiel by his side, he realised. Castiel was his best friend after all, it shouldn't have been as shocking as it was to Dean.
"Feel free to," Dean shrugged, not really thinking about anything else than the fact that he was really at ease when he was hanging out with Castiel. It was probably because the angel had seen every part of Dean, and still loved him like this.
Dean knew he could be himself with his best friend. He could be himself, fully. Wow.
The angel loving him romantically maybe was a good thing. Castiel nodded, visibly happy that Dean had allowed him to come on those walks whenever he wanted. They took another turn, seeing the bunker a little away from them.
"Do you think it would be possible to start the renovations on your father's old house as soon as possible?" Dean chuckled at Castiel's words, trying to move past the fact that he had called Bobby Dean's father. He liked the fact that Bobby was mostly known as The Winchesters' Adoptive Father and yet, the angel was simply calling Bobby what he had been to the boys : a dad.
"You really want to get out of that bunker, huh?" Dean asked, smirking as he opened the door to the bunker. He then realised he hadn't included his dog in the scheme of it all. "Miracle will live with us, right?" He turned to Cas as the angel walked in, Dean holding the door open.
"Of course, Dean." He rolled his eyes, like it had been an obvious answer. It might have been but Dean still needed the confirmation. He closed the door behind them, walking down the stairs to find Sam around the map table.
"Oh my God," Sam exhaled, audibly annoyed. "It has been an hour, Dean. An hour and no texts." He started, getting up from the chair as Dean rolled his eyes. "And you," Sam turned to the angel. "You're the responsible one, you should've answered your text." He continued, like he was the big brother in the room, like he was the oldest.
"I left my phone here." The angel answered and Sam narrowed his eyes at him, Castiel answered with a simple smile.
"And I don't owe you shit, Sammy." Dean added as he walked off to the kitchen. All of that walking made him hungry. He needed to shit too. Walking helped with digestion and everything. He wasn't going to share that with the class though. "Where the fuck is the rest of my pie?" He called out, looking into the fridge.
"It was passed, Dean. I threw it away." Sam answered like it was a minor detail. Oh, Dean was fuming. He sighed, loudly, looking out of the fridge to see his brother wearing a sorry smile and suddenly, Dean felt like he was fourteen babysitting small Sam.
He simply rolled his eyes, yet again, and walked away from the kitchen. Castiel had gone somewhere, Dean realised, because he was in the kitchen.
"So, an hour long walk." Sam added, following Dean into the main library of the bunker. "What did you guys talk about?" He continued, sitting down around a table as Dean sat in front of him, stretching his arm to get the bottle of whiskey that wasn't too far.
"You should know, Sammy, you sent him." Dean smiled, a little cocky. Sam pressed his lips together. Busted.
"How did you find out?"
"He told me." He shrugged an answer and Sam frowned, opening his mouth like it was unfair. "Don't blame him, the guy's in love." Sam's eyes opened his eyes a little wider. "He told me he told you too, so stop pretending to be surprised." He added, pouring whiskey into a glass Sam gave him.
"Damn," Sam said to himself, pushing his glass towards his older brother. "So.."
"So, the bunker's turning into a reunion center. You and Eileen are moving out." He started, and he knew the next thing would make Sam tease him a lot, so he dreaded it. "Cas and Jack are gonna live at Bobby's old place," He continued. "With me." He said a little lower, taking a sip from the glass.
Sam's eyes lit up like the moon during a full moon.
Sam and everyone around him had been absolutely sure Dean was in love with Castiel. Dean wasn't. Dean knew he wasn't in love with Cas. And yet, everyone thought they were, somehow, in one of those situation-ships kids had these days.
Dean was not in a situation-ship. Dean was forty six, he was too old to be in a situation-ship.
And obviously, he didn't love Castiel the way the angel loved him.
"Zip it." Dean warned. "Cas is Cas. Don't start your shit again, especially now that you know how Cas feels. It's shitty to make the guy hope." His voice grew a little colder. He really didn't want to hurt the angel by accidentally giving him hope.
Because there was none, really, he felt like he was insisting on it too much but, he wasn't into the angel. He simply wasn't.
"Sorry, sorry." Sam said, the ghost of his smirk still on his lips. "So living with Cas, you'll be okay with that?" He asked, drinking from his glass. Dean shrugged.
"Why not? I've been living with the guy for almost two years already." And that was the most logical reason Dean could think of. "Known him for more than a decade," Holy shit, he did had known Cas for a decade. Castiel would end up being in Dean's life more than when he wasn't. "He doesn't leave hair in the shower." He raised an eyebrow at Sam, this one rolled his eyes with a smile.
Steps were heard, and both Sam and Dean turned their head to find Jack, standing in the room like a toddler that just puked in the bed, waking up his parents in the middle of the night because of it.
"Hi, Sam." He said. "Hi, Dean." He added, looking around. "Where is my dad?" Jack continued looking around and Dean smiled, taking a sip.
"No idea, buddy." He shrugged. "Maybe showering."
"No, there is no sound of water in the bunker." The blond nodded, a smile on his lips. "What are you guys drinking?"
"Apple juice." Sam answered, way too fast and Jack frowned at the quickness.
"Can I have some?"
"It's whiskey, Jack." Dean told him, a smile on his lips.
He had told himself he was going to do better with the kid. Jack deserved a lot better than what Dean had given him. And after all they went through, Jack deserved a little sunshine. He deserved to be a damn kid.
Dean wasn't going to fuck up like his dad did. Jack will have the childhood Sam and Dean couldn't have.
He'd make sure of that.
"Oh," Jack said. "Then I don't want it." He answered, a soft smile on his lips directed at Dean. And Dean, Dean could never understand why and how Jack had forgiven him, had moved past it all. "Cas said alcohol is bad for the body." He nodded, looking around to see his Castiel was soon to come into the room.
"Yeah, it is." Dean nodded, taking a sip and Sam rolled his eyes at his brother. Saying this while drinking alcohol was a little ironic, Dean had to admit that.
"So, are you coming to live with us?" Jack turned suddenly towards Dean, which made both brothers flinch at the fastness of the movement. Dean could only describe Jack's eyes with one word : hope. "I do have to work on Heaven with Death, but I'd come live with Cas and," Jack hesitated. "And you'll be there, right?" He asked.
Dean's heart was torn to pieces. Jack was simply too cute a four year old stuck in a body of a nineteen years old.
"Yeah, kid. I'll move in with you both." As soon as the words hit Jack, the biggest smile Dean had ever seen pulled on the kid's lips. Then steps were heard, again, and Jack's head snapped back like a dog who heard their owner come home.
"Cas!" Jack said, running towards the angel to hug him. Castiel hugged back, wearing a wide smile. When Jack stepped out of the hug, the angel wrapped his hands to cup his son's face. Those were the terms they were using now.
Jack was Castiel's son and Castiel was Jack's father.
Dean found it very cute, he would never admit it but he found it really cute. The way Cas and Jack found each other was very cute, very meaningful, like it had been meant to be.
"How is Heaven?" Castiel asked, his eyes leaving his son to smile at both Sam and Dean, eyes lingering a little longer on Dean. Dean looked down at the glass in his hand.
Jack wasn't into alcohol. Castiel probably would never be into Jack drinking. And here, Dean was drinking whiskey for no special reason.
He was going to live with those two. Maybe he should be setting an example.
His eyes traveled the room. From Sam who was now looking at him with a frown, to Castiel and Jack smiling at each other and talking about heaven, sometimes Castiel would steal glances at Dean.
He looked back at his glass, closing his eyes hard and groaning in a way that was barely audible. But for hyperaware Sam Winchester, Angel of the Lord Castiel and the New God (Temporary) Jack, it had been heard, loud and clear.
Fuck it, I quit.
Dean pushed the glass, still full of whiskey, onto the table and towards Sam. His brother frowned, confused and his face asking Why? Instead of answering, Dean forced the glass to pass to Sam's side under the wondering eyes of everyone in the room.
He stared at the glass before Jack's voice echoed in the room.
"Are you okay?"
"Just not thirsty anymore." Dean smiled, turning towards the kid. Jack nodded innocently.
"Jack, I guess you're very busy since you need to work on Heaven and everything so, why are you here? Not that you're not welcome, you always are, you know that." Sam said, tearing his frown away from Dean to look at the kid.
"I know," Jack nodded. Dean felt so warm, like he had cuddled a puppy. God, Jack was jus like a puppy. "And I came here to answer Cas' prayer." He turned back to the angel, Castiel frowned.
"You do not have to, Jack." He noted, a little smile on his lips, but Jack shrugged, smile still very much present.
"Wait, wait, wait." Dean stopped the whole conversation. He blinked hard. "What was Cas' prayer?" He frowned and Castiel's eyes moved away to look back at Jack. "Cas? What's prayer?" He asked and the angel did not answer. Of course, he didn't.
"Should I answer for you-"
"No, Jack. Please, do not." Castiel said, urgently. "If he knows he will try and dissuade me," He turned his head towards Dean then. Well, now Dean was worried. "This has nothing to do with you, Dean. Let me have this."
"I don't even know what this is, Cas." Dean spit back, confused.
"I do have to go back to Heaven," Jack said, pulling his smile into a line, a little confused about the situation but still in a rush. He raised his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I did have fun creating a way for this to happen, dad. So, thank you." Why did that sound familiar?
Was Castiel about to lose his memory? Was Cas about to die, again? What the fuck was happening? Why the fuck was Dean panicking this much?
"Cas," Dean's eyes were wide opened, a little panicked and apparently it was visible because Sam shifted in front of him. Castiel's eyes met Dean's, he frowned for second before smiling softly and mouthing Trust me.
And it was with a shaking breath that Dean relaxed his back to hit the chair, still visibly concerned about what was about to happen.
Jack's hand started to glow on Castiel's shoulder and a sudden flash of light hit the room, blinding both Sam and Dean.
When the light disappeared and so did Jack. When Dean opened his eyes again, he saw Castiel standing very still, a smile on his face as both Sam and Dean looked around. Dean pushed himself off his chair and walked towards the angel with decisive steps.
"Cas, what the hell-"
"Dean," Castiel smiled, wide, then looked up at Dean. Eyes fixed into the hunter's. "I'm human now."
What?
Dean frowned, looking at Castiel with his head tilted.
"You-" Dean blinked. "What?" He asked again.
The panic came down on him. Castiel was not sacrificing himself again, killing himself in front of Dean. Yeah, good to know.
"Life will be much easier," Castiel said then, turning towards Sam too. "You two can not get badly hurt anymore, I will not be able to heal you." He continued before pointedly looking at Dean.
"You're human now?" Dean asked, again, very confused by it all as he passed a hand through his hair. Castiel's eyes followed the movement before nodding at Dean's words. Dean opened his mouth to talk but shut it before any words could come out.
"Congrats, man, but-" Sam started, walking towards Castiel much slowly than Dean had. "You didn't have to hide it from us." He smiled, patting the angel's back.
"Dean would've tried to stop me." Cas answered. Sam frowned, still smiling then looked at Dean with a wondering look. Dean looked away, almost immediately.
"No, Dean, you-"
"Oh, c'mon." Dean rolled his eyes. "I just don't want him to die in a ridiculous way." He continued. "I mean before? Angel can only die by holy fire, holy light or angel blades." He stated. "Now a nail in a wood board could kill the dude."
"That is part of the reason I became human, to die." Castiel smiled. "Life is beautiful, but I find eternity annoying without the people I love the most."
"This has nothing to do with you, Dean." My ass.
"Well, welcome to the world of the living, human version." Sam said instead. "Wanna eat something now that it'll taste like something?" Cas' eyes lit up at that. "Okay, wait here." Sam called out as he ran away from the room, to the kitchen, Dean assumed.
"Never do that again." Dean warned as the angel turned his head at the hunter, a confused expression covering his face. "I thought you were about to die again. I wouldn't have stopped you if you wanted it so badly. Next time just talk to me." Dean continued as Sam walked into the room with a plate full of multiple shit he took from the fridge.
"I know Dean Winchester isn't talking about healthy communication right now." He joked, giving the plate to Cas as Castiel didn't look away from Dean, softly nodding at Dean's latest words.
"Good, I'm gonna go get Miracle from Claire and Kaia's room and then go to sleep." He clapped a hand on Castiel's back. "Welcome to hell." He winked and then started walking off, into the hallway.
Oh shit. He winked at the angel, he seriously winked at an angel who has an enormous crush on him.
Okay, yeah, sure. Whatever you want, Dean.