Work Text:
When Namping finally opened his eyes, the pink glow from Bangkok's sunset was descending through the curtains of his bedroom. Even though the sheets next to him has turned cold, Namping can remember how Keng's fingers slowly brushed through his hair before he had to leave the bed for his All-select schedule.
Till tomorrow he had no schedule, which means he has the rest of the day for himself. He had no appetite after waking up, with just a glass of water for himself, he stepped out to the balcony of his condo.
Although he was afraid of heights, Namping still love watching the view of the city skyline. Every time, it reminds him of how far he has made from the small city of Mae hong son to the big capital of Thailand. This apartment offers him a different kind of peace with his life, whereas Keng's single house located in a quiet neighbourhood right outside of the city reminds both of them of their quiet rural life.
As Namping scrolls through X while sipping the cold water, he realises that another heated discussion was going on within the fandom. He quickly switched his account to his private one to monitor the discourse, the one that even Keng doesn't know, the alt one where he pretends to be his own fan, not the one where he and Keng shares private tweets to his closed circle.
After scrolling through the tweets, looking through the random group chats and spaces, he gets the picture of what's going on right now. The phone was now back in his pocket, and he lets out a sigh. Namping wasn't stupid. Even from when he was just a casual viewer of Thai movie industry, or when he had researched into the showbizz culture as a communication student in Chula, even without his seniors's insider stories about working in the industry, Namping know how hard and different it could be to. Especially in the BL side, where partnerships are crucial to the success of the stars, Namping knew how being a 'ke' would be different.
Behind the scenes of DMD friendship show, where Namping and Keng made sure that the cameras wasn't rolling and the mics were off, they discussed about how they want their partnership to be. Namping wanted security, Keng wanted dedication.
Even after they chosed each other with careful consideration, things weren't going as smoothly as they thought. They barely had any schedules together, and Keng was busy with filming his role as Jingna in Paradise of thorns.
Outside the sky has started to fade into dark blue hues.
Namping Napatsakorn Pingmuang was someone who stayed true to their choices. He was patient, and he still is patient. Even when he was left at the workshops and random gigs, or when the insecurity he felt at his previous relationship creeps back to him suddenly, he reminds himself about the conversation he and Keng had, the promise they made.
Even then, Namping wasn't Buddha.
When Keng's reply became short after continuous midnight shoots, when Namping sees that the fan's face went blank due to Keng's curt reply, when Keng accidentally made a mistake during a livestream, it aches in his heart.
But as he said, Napatsakorn Pingmuang keeps his promises and goals straight. He patiently explained to Keng that he needs more words than a single 'no, I am not coming.' , how and what to say to his fans, while quickly covering Keng's mistakes during filming with his witty remarks and quick hands.
It wasn't that Namping was fearless. Keng with a straight face, especially when he was exhausted can be pretty intimidating. He would be quiet and this would make Namping overthink, occasionally to the point of blaming himself for things that no one did wrong of. Sometimes how his ex brushed off when he brought up his concerns about their relationship come to his mind when he thought about discussing things with Keng. He was afraid of Keng repeating what he had before he gave up on his past.
But Keng was different.
As much as Keng was quiet to his words, he was attentive to Namping when they sat down to have these discussions together. He was an honest man, and Namping can see it when Keng apologised or confessed that he wasn't thinking much when he said those words. Unlike his ex, Keng thanked him for when Namping has helped out for his shortcomings. When Keng holds his hands and say he'd be better, Namping actually can feel his sincerity.
And He did. Keng slowly started to change his mannerism. It wasn't within a week nor a month. It wasn't one magical conversation that they had. It took them multiple times of sitting down by themselves, either in Keng's house or Namping's apartment where they had the privacy. The sound of notification from his phone interrupted Namping's memory trip down the lane. The special notification tone he set for the one special person in his life, for the boy from Phayao.
Keng: *photo*
Keng: "Are you awake, Bibi? =)"
Namping slowly smiled at Keng's text. All the worry and insecurity he felt from reminiscing his past disappeared immediately with what the present Keng has to offer.
Thailand may be the most progressive with the LGBTQ rights, and the Thai BL industry may be booming, but the preference for the 'masculine' image has not gone unnoticed for those who are in it. Even when you're straight , or manly enough to top, as long as your role is from downstairs, you won't get the same opportunity as the one in upstairs.
Namping promised himself to not hide who he is anymore once he came to Bangkok. He won't hide his precious name, he won't hide how he sometimes prefers to be pretty instead of handsome, he definitely won't hide when he was unhappy with things anymore.
As his fingers type back a reply to Keng, he thinks about how happy he is now that Keng is in his life, as his partner. Not only on screen, but also where others can't see. There're times where he is not satisfied with his work life, but with how Keng is there to reassure him, and reflects back his caring efforts to this relationship, Namping won't have much to complain about for the next 200 years
Namping: "mm"
Nampig: " Can't wait to recharge you tonight na"