Chapter Text
All Jeongin could hear was the constant, droning whir of the plane engine and the bubbling of dread in his own stomach.
This week was supposed to be a happy one, two of his best friends finally tying the knot surrounded by everyone they loved, and it was a happy one, but Jeongin couldn’t stop anxiously chewing the inside of his cheek and thinking about everything that could go wrong.
He was excited! Of course he was. After he and all of his friends had graduated, people started to move away and settle down, starting new chapters of their lives and leaving their college party days behind them, so they didn’t see each other everyday like they once did. They still remained friends and kept in contact, but that’s just how life goes, it gets in the way. But this week, they would have more than enough time to catch up and reminisce on their golden days.
That makes Jeongin sound so old. He is only 25 after all, but when you’re living alone, broke and miserable, it’s easy to think that he’s far past his peak and it’s never getting better.
Not that he’s bitter about how his friends lives turned out or anything, not at all! He is so happy for Changbin and Hyunjin’s marriage. Absolutely and positively thrilled. Yeah.
It just chipped away at his heart every time he opened social media just to see his friends reaching another milestone in their lives and relationships and just leaving Jeongin behind at the starting line.
Hyunjin and Changbin were getting married, for crying out loud. It was a long time coming of course, Jeongin had seen then through their ups and downs for the past 6 years and they were stronger than ever. It was the two of them that had made grungy, closed off teenage Jeongin really believe in love.
Chan and Felix had recently moved in together and were starting to think about starting a family together. Chan even had his own business, a music production company which Changbin and Jisung worked at.
Jisung and Minho were…. well, Jisung and Minho. They were a peculiar pair, but all of their friends knew they were meant to be together from the day they met. Nobody really understood their weird soulmate thing they had going on, but it didn’t matter. It was theirs. They had rescued three cats off the street and if Jeongin had to guess, they would be the next to tie the knot.
And Jeongin? He wasn’t in love, he didn’t have a cool job and he could barely afford the rent on his tiny studio apartment.
As if his life wasn’t comical and sad enough, he was about to spend a week sharing a hotel room with his ex at their best friends wedding.
Jeongin banged his head against the plane window. The lady next to him raised an eyebrow in judgement. Jeongin gets it, he would be judging himself too.
He and Seungmin had broken up 6 months ago and it was safe to say that they didn’t end on good terms. He wished he could say it had ended calmly, a mutual decision, but that was far from the case. It had been explosive. Yelling, crying, the full works. It destroyed Jeongin whole, he had to move in with Chan and Felix until he could find his own place and he didn’t leave their guest room for days, hardly eating and not being able to sleep from the ache in his heart. Looking back now, it was a little embarrassing. The way he let the break up consume him completely, he must have looked so pathetic to his friends. Thankfully he had both the cheeriest person in the world, and the most comforting person in the world to get him through it. From the combination of Felix’s cuddles and baking and Chan’s constant reassurance and wisdom, he made it out the other side.
He had been with Seungmin for so long that he wasn’t entirely sure what he was without him. Even before they had been dating, they were best friends and had just always been by each others sides. Maybe that was why it hurt so much to lose him, he wasn’t just losing a lover, he was losing his best friend. The first person he ran to when he had good news, the person who would make him laugh until his chest hurt, the person who had seen him at his very worst and held him tight through it all.
Life was weird without Seungmin. But that was just life now, he had to get used to it at some point.
A bleep sounded from the speakers above him followed by static noise and muffled words from the cabin crew. He couldn’t really make out most of it but he gathered that they would be landing soon, thankfully, as Jeongin’s head was starting to hurt.
He could make it through this week, he just had to bite his tongue.
—
“Jeonginnie!” A cheerful voice called out the moment that Jeongin walked through the glass doors into the hotel lobby.
Felix instantly ran over to him and wrapped him in a suffocating hug. Jeongin struggled and complained but he couldn’t deny that he had missed this.
He had been pretty exhausted from travelling, he had to wait over an hour to get his bags back after the flight and he just wanted to be in bed, but Felix’s energy was contagious. The moment Jeongin saw that bright smile, it was an instant energy boost and he couldn’t help but smile right back.
After Felix let him go, Jeongin saw Chan approaching, offering him a shorter—yet just as tight—embrace.
“Good to see you, you’re looking well.” Chan smiled, giving him a pat on his back.
“Getting by,” Jeongin shrugged. “How are you guys?”
“We’re great. So excited!” Felix grinned, taking hold of Chan’s arm and leaning into his side. Jeongin kept a smile, but the sight made the green eyed monster he tried so hard to repress growl inside of him.
“You seen the betrothed yet?” Jeongin quickly changed the subject.
“Nope, they’re far too busy with preparations.” Chan chuckled, they all knew this would be the case.
“More like Hyunjin making preparations while Changbin just follows and agrees with everything he says.” Felix adds and they all laugh. It felt so great to just laugh with his friends like this again, for a moment he felt the constant weight on his chest lighten just a little.
But even after their laughter dispersed, Chan and Felix still had these forced, slightly uneasy smiles on their faces and suddenly the weight was back. And heavier.
“What?” Jeongin blanked.
“Nothing! Just… happy to see you.” Chan smiled in a way that made Jeongin feel one thing and one thing only—pitied. He exhaled deeply through his nose.
He hated feeling this way. Being the youngest in their friend group, he had grown used to feeling babied and coddled from the others, it was a given. But after the break up it got so much worse, and turned into just pity. Everyone was walking on eggshells around him, scared to say the wrong thing in case it sent Jeongin into a mental breakdown or something. It drove him crazy, because in all the chaos he craved one thing more than anything and that was normality. He just wanted things to go back to how they were, and even now six months later, it seems it still hadn’t.
“Yeah, we’re really glad you came.” Felix smiled.
Jeongin’s brow furrowed slightly. “You say that like you thought I wouldn’t.”
Felix’s mouth opened and the immediately closed again, unable to find the words he was looking for. “I mean, you get why we would think that…” he replied sheepishly.
What?
Jeongin couldn’t believe this. His friends genuinely thought he would miss two of his best friends wedding all because of what? Being too petty? Too embarrassed?
Jeongin let out a deep breath of frustration. “You thought I’d skip Changbin and Hyunjin’s wedding?”
Felix’s face paled and Chan stepped in. “Hey, that’s not what we mean—”
“Whatever, I’m going to take a nap.” Jeongin excused himself, grabbing his bag and heading for the check in desk to get his room key.
Sure, Jeongin was gonna find this week tough and the idea of seeing Seungmin again was making the thought of excavating his own internal organs sound incredibly appealing, but he isn’t that miserable and narrow minded that he would miss out on big milestone events just to avoid seeing him. It’s ridiculous, people break up all the time and it’s never this big a deal half a year down the line. In fact, Chan and Felix had broken up a couple years back and Jeongin doesn’t remember it being nearly as big a deal as this whole situation had turned out to be. Then again, their break up had lasted less than a month before they got back together, but Jeongin’s point still stands.
He got his key and headed to his room, absolutely ecstatic at the thought of laying in a comfy hotel bed and catching up on some much needed sleep. He tapped his key card, pushing the door open and manoeuvring his suitcase through the door to see—
Oh.
“J—Jeongin…”
Jeongin swallowed thickly, clenching his teeth. “Seungmin.”
Seungmin looked almost the exact same as the day he left, apart from how his bangs had grown out a little. Jeongin felt like he couldn’t breathe, his body unable to decide on whether he was relieved to see the familiar man again or filled with pure rage as every memory from that night came flooding back to him. There was something nostalgic about it, standing across the room from Seungmin as he unpacked his suitcase, neat as ever, all his nice clothes hung neatly up and everything else rolled into tight cylinders. He used to tell Jeongin it was to “maximise suitcase space” and he saw it in some life hacks video, but Jeongin would always laugh at him for being so particular even when it was something as trivial as packing for vacation.
This whole situation felt strange.
“Your hair.” Seungmin blurted out.
Jeongin’s expression was completely blank, he simply raised an eyebrow. “What about it?”
“It’s… black.”
“Wow, really? I didn’t notice.” Jeongin rolled his eyes and tossed his backpack on the ground with a thud.
He had almost forgotten that his hair wasn’t always black. He and Seungmin had gotten drunk one night and stupidly decided to bleach Jeongin’s hair, it turned out awful but Jeongin decided to make the most of it and try some fun colours. He tried out orange first, since it was the colour of a fox, which Seungmin always said he reminded him of. When Seungmin had gotten home from work he had been so shocked to see the bright, traffic cone orange colour but he loved it and begged Jeongin to keep it, and so he did. He loved the orange, it just fit him so perfectly. But after they had broken up, it didn’t feel right anymore, he needed a change.
“Ah, yeah.” Seungmin laughed awkwardly, chewing the inside of his cheek. “It’s just so different. Looks good though.” He added in an attempt to save his ass.
“Thanks, I guess.” Jeongin mumbled and toed his shoes off.
The air was thick with tension. Jeongin had dreaded this for all sorts of reasons, but what he had never considered was the silence, which felt worse than anything his nightmares could have come up with.
Silence wasn’t uncommon between the two, the difference is that back then it was comfortable. It was something Jeongin enjoyed, sometimes even more than speaking. The quiet moments where he would just lay his head on Seungmin’s shoulder and listen to his breaths, watching his chest rise and fall with each one, or when they would eat dinner together, sitting opposite each other as they ate a delicious home cooked meal, occasionally looking up at one another and smiling when their eyes accidentally met.
Now? The silence just felt painful. It had the same sensation of a ringing in his ears, even when the only sound between them was the rustling of Seungmin taking things out of his suitcase. It was brooding. Intimidating. Unnerving.
Jeongin didn’t want to talk to Seungmin. They had nothing to talk about, unless they wanted to fight, which Jeongin didn’t have the energy for. He didn’t want to talk, but the silence was suffocating and he wasn’t sure how much of this he could take.
Thankfully, Seungmin broke through the quiet.
“I’m gonna take a walk.” He spoke, his voice sounding a little thicker than he had intended it to. “Let you… unpack and stuff.”
Jeongin wasn’t sure if he meant for him to unpack his bags, or to unpack all of the feelings he was having right now. Probably both.
Jeongin didn’t say anything, just nodded and kept his eyes fixed to a point on the floor as Seungmin walked past him and out of the door, mumbling a goodbye under his breath before he left.
In three steps, Jeongin reached the bed and collapsed face first onto the soft mattress.
The thought he would feel more. No feeling in particular, he just thought he would feel, instead he just felt numb. There was an ache in his heart which he hadn’t felt in a while. He hadn’t been sure if he would be filled with rage upon seeing Seungmin again, start shouting and fighting with him again, if he would be overwhelmed with sadness and just burst into tears or even if he would be happy to see Seungmin in a way that would make his heart break even more because he really had lost the best thing in his life. Instead he just felt nothing at all.
He looked at the clock. 5:28pm. They had dinner reservations at 7 and Jeongin knew for sure he didn’t want to be here when Seungmin comes back from his walk. He isn’t avoiding him, he just needs to process his emotions or lack of before confronting anything. He quickly grabbed a few things, stuffing them into his backpack and left the room again, guess he wasn’t getting his nap after all.
—
Jeongin had spent what was left of the time before dinner catching up with Minho and Jisung. He text Jisung for their room number and invaded the room mere seconds after the text came through from the elder.
It was comforting for sure, sprawled across the couple’s bed and mindlessly listening to them bicker as they unpacked their suitcases. Minho had forgotten Jisung’s conditioner, which Minho argued was actually Jisung’s fault, but apparently Jisung asked Minho to pack it. Jeongin chose not to get involved, valuing his life.
If Jeongin had gotten Chan and Felix in the breakup, Seungmin had gotten Jisung and Minho. It wasn’t that Jeongin didn’t see them, it just wasn’t as much. Seungmin and Minho had always been close so he wasn’t surprised when he heard that Seungmin had gone to him for support. Deep down Jeongin did feel a little guilty for how much the breakup had affected the rest of their friends. Everyone had always told him not to date within your friend group but being young and naive, Jeongin really did think he and Seungmin were the exception of that rule. They wouldn’t make things awkward, because they would never fight or breakup. That was until they did.
“Tell him I’m right, Jeonginnie.” Jisung whined as he collapsed onto the bed next to Jeongin. “You’re always on my side, right?”
Minho rolled his eyes, tutting as he went back to facing the wardrobe.
“Sorry, I wasn’t really listening.” Jeongin admitted with an awkward smile, knowing Jisung would never stay mad at him long. As expected, Jisung gasped in response, rolling away from Jeongin as Minho just chuckled.
“Can’t blame you, kid.” Minho spoke up. “A lot on your mind?”
“Something like that.” Jeongin sighed as he buried his head in the pillow.
Minho walked back over to the bed to grab something out of his suitcase, giving Jeongin a pat on the back as he passed. “We’re here for you, you know that? I know it was kind of awkward before, but we’re still your friends.”
Jeongin turned his head to the side a little to give Minho a weak, but still appreciative smile.
He wasn’t sure what he did in a past life to get lucky enough to end up with friends like these, but it must have been pretty impressive. These people had seen Jeongin at his very worst, snappy and crabby, and they still stuck around and would drop anything to come help him. He sometimes felt bad, he didn’t feel like he was a good a friend to them as they were to him. He had gotten pretty consumed by his relationship before. Seungmin always came first, no matter what. He wondered if they had ever struggled and felt like they couldn’t reach out to Jeongin, assuming he would be too busy with Seungmin to acknowledge the outside world. If he was completely honest with himself, that was probably the truth.
Jeongin yelped as a hand smacked across his ass and it only took one guess to know it was Minho.
“Now shoo, we have dinner in half an hour and you need to get ready.” Minho declared as he sat down on the edge of the bed where Jisung was laying, lacing his fingers through the other’s hair. “Give your dad’s some privacy.”
Jeongin groaned, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes as he sat up. “You guys are so weird.” he gagged and pushed himself up, grabbing his phone and heading for the door before he could be traumatised more than he already is from being friends with those two for so long. He called out a quick goodbye, but the couple already seemed to be distracted as they didn’t reply.
Jeongin thanked God that he wasn’t in the room next to theirs.
—
When he got back to the room, Seungmin wasn’t there thankfully. Jeongin could see he had been back though as his things had moved around and his dress shoes were gone. He must have already gotten ready for dinner and headed out.
Jeongin grabbed his toiletries bag and went into the bathroom, dumping the bag on the counter, turning the shower on to let it heat up and pulling both his hoodie and t-shirt off in one movement. He closed the door and his hand hovered over the lock. He remembered back in their old apartment, he would always leave the door unlocked when he showered as an invitation for Seungmin to join him. Seungmin joined him every time without fail, slipping into the bathroom and silently stripping off before stepping under the hot spray with Jeongin, resting his chin on his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around the other boys middle from behind him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, massaging shampoo into the younger boys hair with expert precision. Jeongin always claimed that it was an accident and that he just forgot to lock the door, but they both knew the truth. Those were some of his favourite moments, just the two of them in their little bubble.
He didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt a tear fall and hit his bare chest. He knew this week was going to be tough but he didn’t anticipate how many feelings that he thought he had gotten over would bubble back to the surface. He missed Seungmin, anyone with half a brain could tell that much. He wondered if Seungmin knew. He wondered if Seungmin missed him too. He had seemed so much less affected by their breakup that Jeongin was, Jeongin supposed he was just easy to leave.
A shaky sob escaped his throat.
All he had wanted was to be loved, and now he was completely alone. Even among his friends, he knew if was only a matter of time before they all settled down properly and didn’t want to deal with Jeongin’s constant moping anymore. Even Seungmin. The thought tore at his heart, but Jeongin knew one day he would open social media to Seungmin getting married to someone who wasn’t him, he wanted to throw up.
That was supposed to be him and Seungmin. Settling down.
He missed Seungmin more than he knew how to deal with, no amount of anger could suppress that.
Jeongin stepped out of his jeans and boxers and got into the steaming hot shower without locking the door.
—
Jeongin wasn’t really sure what the dress code for this dinner was. It wasn’t a very formal event like the other ones planned this week, just a catch up between friends so he didn’t really think to bring a particularly formal outfit. He couldn’t see his friends dressing up for a simple dinner, so he just opted for a plain white t-shirt, loose dress pants and a black jacket
The restaurant was down by the beach, a bespoke looking place with some gorgeous views of the sea. He spotted Felix’s long blonde hair immediately like it was a beacon and headed over. He was about to greet him but was stopped in his tracks when Seungmin turned around.
He wore a black satin shirt with the first few buttons undone, black dress pants and a black blazer. His bangs had been pushed back to expose his forehead and he looked jaw-droppingly gorgeous. Jeongin was blatantly staring, open mouthed and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to run to the nearest bathroom or just stay here drooling over his ex boyfriend for the whole night.
Neither option seemed great for his image.
Thankfully, Felix placed a hand on Jeongin’s shoulder, jolting him out of his thoughts.
“I know. Let’s sit down, yeah?” Felix spoke quietly so the others couldn’t hear and guided Jeongin to the seat next to his. Jeongin could feel the pity dripping from each of Felix’s words. He felt pathetic for the millionth time today.
There was a cheer through the group when Hyunjin and Changbin arrived and Jeongin had to smile because the couple just looked so happy.
They made their way around the table, giving hugs to everyone, saying all sorts like “long time no see” or “it’s been too long”. Hyunjin squeezed Jeongin extra tight which made him want to roll his eyes because he had seen the way Seungmin only earned a short hug and a pat on the back from Hyunjin. Changbin thankfully treated him like a normal human being and not some child who’s parents just got divorced or some shit like that.
“Looking good Jeonginnie, the black suits you.” Changbin beamed, ruffling Jeongin’s hair. Jeongin wanted to whine and complain but he hadn’t put all that much effort into his hair anyway, he just patted it down a bit and thanked Changbin quietly.
Jeongin would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying himself. Once he stopped thinking about Seungmin and stressing himself out over trivial things like the fact that he felt extremely underdressed, he started being able to laugh freely at the other’s stories and occasionally pipe up with one of his own. He chose not to have a drink, worrying what he would do if he lost control of his mind, but most of the others had a few and with every glass, the groups volume just got louder and louder. Thankfully, by now it was pretty late at night and there was no other diners in the small restaurant so they had the place to themselves. The staff didn’t even seem to mind since they had spent so much on drinks and had all tipped generously.
“You’re kidding!” Hyunjin cackled, smacking his hand down on the table as Changbin rubbed his back.
“I’m not! He just… brought it in our house. Left it on the couch.” Chan flailed his hands around, trying to get across how ridiculous this story was. “And forgot to tell me!”
Jisung, the drunkest of them all, was giggling uncontrollably. “Felix just brought a hedgehog in your house?!”
“He was limping, I had to take him in.” Felix defended himself, taking this very seriously as his bottom lip stuck out.
Chan leaned over and kissed the pout off of his lips and smiled fondly. “You did the right thing baby. Just give me a heads up next time before you bring small animals into our home.”
Felix lit up, eyes sparkling and cheeks dusting pink as he leaned over to kiss Chan again and Jeongin suddenly felt more alone than ever. He glanced over at the others, Jisung was slumped into Minho’s side as Minho stroked his hair, Hyunjin couldn’t stop giggling at whatever Changbin was whispering in his ear before Changbin started covering Hyunjin’s face in little kisses. He briefly looked over at Seungmin who just wore a blank expression, keeping his eyes fixed on the table. Jeongin wondered if he was feeling the same as him right now, isolated.
He had been feeling it all night. It was the little things like when he noticed Chan holding Felix’s hand under the table, when Changbin was spoonfeeding desert to Hyunjin or when Jisung and Minho sneaked off to the bathroom together and came back with flushed cheeks and puffy lips. Such normal things for them, they used to be normal things for Jeongin too but now they just hurt to see. Every little act seemed to unearth a new memory for Jeongin that he had tried so hard to suppress.
He remembered his first date with Seungmin. They went to a restaurant that was pretty similar to this one. It was a fancy place that Seungmin picked, wanting to impress Jeongin. It was super awkward, neither of them really knowing how to act in such an environment. In the end they had left and just got takeout, walking down to the beach and eating it on the sand. They watched the sunset and talked until the morning.
He remembered when they still hadn’t told their friends about their relationship yet and they went to Chan’s birthday party and kept sneaking into his bedroom to fool around.
He remembered it all. What it felt like to be so young and in love. How it felt to never have to feel alone, to be doted on and just cared for. He remembered how it felt to be kissed until his brain turned to complete mush all except for one person.
And that person was staring at him right now.
Fuck. He can’t get upset here. Not in front of everyone.
He quickly swallowed and spoke up for the first time in a while, “What did you do with the hedgehog in the end?”
He didn’t care. He was pretty sure he had actually heard this story before, but he just needed something to focus on.
Felix turned to Jeongin quickly, seemingly a little surprised but just smiled. “We took it to a vet to get it checked, they told us about a sanctuary for them so we took it there.”
Chan chuckled. “You mean I took it there. I drove over an hour to get there.”
“Worth it though, he was so cute.” Felix cooed.
“Suppose he was cute. Not so cute to find on my couch when I’ve just woken up.” Chan added and the group laughed.
“We had the same thing after new years,” Jisung drunkenly giggled, looking up at Minho who looked confused by the other’s words. “Except instead of a hedgehog it was that guy—”
Minho seemed to realise something and squeezed Jisung’s arm, shaking his head slightly to shut him up.
“What guy?” Changbin asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “C’mon, you gotta tell us now.”
Minho was just shaking his head at Jisung who just looked confused. “What? What did I do? I just meant about when we found that guy that Seungmin brought home—”
Seungmin bolted upright, his body tensing instantly and the table went silent.
Jeongin looked straight at Seungmin who was staring right back at him with a horrified expression.
New years.
Jeongin and Seungmin only split up mid December.
He felt bile rising in his throat, he didn’t know how he was supposed to feel right now, he just knew he needed out of here. Out of this room full of people who were all staring at him with pity in their eyes.
Jeongin didn’t want to make a scene. He went through his life attempting to draw the least amount of attention to himself that he possibly can. He didn’t want to ruin this right, but he was pretty sure they were already past that point by now.
He grabbed his jacked from the back of his chair and got up, “I’m gonna, um— head to bed.” he swallowed thickly. He could see in the corner of his eye Seungmin try to stand up but Minho stopping and say something to him. He could distantly hear people wishing him a goodnight but it was all just white noise against the ringing in his ears.
Just as he was leaving he felt an hand on his arm, he turned around to see Minho.
“Wait up, I’ll walk with you.”
“You should probably be taking care of Jisung.” Jeongin spoke thickly.
“Felix is taking him to our room. I’m really sorry about him.” Minho spoke, his voice sounding surprisingly sincere for Minho standards.
“He didn’t really do anything, he just told a story.” Jeongin shrugged, trying to seem unbothered but his face and body language gave him away.
“Listen, you don’t know the full story.” Minho spoke. “It really isn’t what you think.”
“It’s pretty obvious, no?” Jeongin blanked, a bite to his words. “Seungmin took less than a month to rebound and just sleep with some random guy.”
Jeongin and Seungmin were each others firsts. Maybe that’s why the thought of being with anyone else fills Jeongin with dread. They had only ever slept with each other, which is why the idea of Seungmin just having a one night stand so quickly after they split makes his entire body ache.
“They didn’t sleep together.” Minho spoke sternly. “I swear, Jeongin. You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Jeongin was quiet for a moment, chewing at the inside of his cheek before looking up at Minho. There wasn’t even a hint of deceit in his eyes. “Then explain what Jisung said.”
“He tried to hook up with that guy, but couldn’t go through with it, it was late so Seungmin let him crash on our couch. I know that doesn’t get him off the hook, I just think it’s important you know that.”
Jeongin bit his lip anxiously. “He still tried to.”
“That was our fault. We told him to try and get back out there.” Minho admitted. “He got himself in a really bad state over it, we shouldn’t have pushed him.”
Jeongin sighed. “He has every right to. I don’t know why I even care.”
“Because you loved each other, Jeongin. You were together a long time, of course you’re gonna be upset.”
He was right.
He had loved Seungmin. For years. Even before they were officially dating, Jeongin knew he loved Seungmin. There was a point in time where Jeongin thought he very purpose on this earth was to love Seungmin.
Maybe it still is, and maybe he still does.
“You saw the look on his face back there, Jeongin.” Minho added, his voice firm in a way that left no room for further argument.
They had arrived at Jeongin’s room, he didn’t really want to go in there yet. He didn’t want to be alone. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. About any of this.” he admitted quietly, looking down at the floor.
Minho sighed. “There’s no handbook for these things I’m afraid. But the good thing about that is that there’s no right way to feel. Whatever you feel is completely valid, remember that.”
“You’re so annoying. You sound like a self help book.” Jeongin rolled his eyes.
Minho smirked, “Exactly, people pay for this advice, so do yourself a favour and listen.”
Jeongin scoffed and Minho gave him a pat on the back. “You’re stronger than you think, it’ll be okay kid.”
“Thanks, Minho.” Jeongin smiled a little, looking up to meet Minho’s eyes, the sincere look in them surprisingly comforting.
“Sleep on things, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Good night, Minho.” Jeongin nodded as he unlocked the door. “Oh, and good luck with Jisung.” He added with a half smirk.
“Thanks, I’ll need it.” Minho chuckled as he walked away.
It wasn’t long after Jeongin got changed out of his clothes and into his pyjamas that he heard a knock on the door.
“It’s me.” Seungmin’s voice called out. “Am I okay to come in?”
Jeongin took a deep breath, bracing himself. “Yeah, come in.”
Seungmin opened the door, locking it behind him and walked over. “Look, I want to explain—”
“Minho already did, let’s just leave it.”
“Don’t look at me like that.” Seungmin spoke, his face looking like one of a kicked puppy. “At least let me apologise.”
“Minho explained.” Jeongin repeated. “So there’s nothing to apologise for.”
“I know, but still.” Seungmin sighed. “I need you to know that Jisung pushed this guy on me to try make me feel better, I didn’t go out of my way to find some rebound. I wouldn’t do that to you, no matter what happened between us.”
Something in Seungmin’s words made Jeongin want to believe him, but there’s a nagging voice in the back of his mind screaming for him to run.
“I haven’t been with anyone since we broke up. No hook ups, no dates, kissing, anything.” Seungmin added.
Jeongin swallowed, “Me neither.”
Jeongin noticed the way Seungmin’s shoulders seemed to relax a little but decided not to think anything of it.
“I’m gonna get changed.” Seungmin spoke and got up, grabbing some pyjamas from the drawer and heading to the bathroom.
Jeongin didn’t hear the door lock, but once again chose not to think anything of it.
Jeongin hadn’t unpacked. He usually didn’t for trips like this. He would just live out of his suitcase, taking things out when he needed them and stuffing them back in once he had worn them. He didn’t even remember really unpacking when he moved in with Chan and Felix. It was probably because he was still in denial, convinced that soon enough he and Seungmin would make up and go back to the old apartment.
“Messy as ever.” Seungmin chuckled, pulling Jeongin from his thoughts. He could see Seungmin passing by him in the corner of his eye, neatly folding up his clothes from earlier and placing them in the wardrobe.
“It’s just easier.” Jeongin mumbled as he zipped up his suitcase.
“It’s lazy.” Seungmin spoke, a teasing lilt to his voice.
Jeongin rose to his feet, looking around and suddenly feeling a little awkward. He hadn’t really thought this far ahead yet.
“I’ll sleep on the couch.” Jeongin spoke, fidgeting with his fingers.
Seungmin’s head shot around to look at Jeongin, “Don’t be stupid, you’re not sleeping on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed.”
“But—”
“Jeongin.”
Seungmin has always known how to shut Jeongin up in just a second, it seemed that still worked even now.
“It’s no big deal. The bed is huge, we can just share.” Seungmin spoke as if it was the most simple thing in the world. It probably isn’t a big deal for Seungmin, considering now unaffected he seems by their whole breakup.
Jeongin just sighed. “Fine.”
“We can put pillows between us if it puts you at ease.” Seungmin smirked a little, his tone was obviously teasing but Jeongin had already been planning on just that.
He grabbed two of the couch cushions before climbing into the bed and wedging the cushions down the centre of the bed. He didn’t care if this looked silly and childish, he needed to pretend Seungmin wasn’t there of there was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.
How could something so familiar feel so wrong?
For years they shared a bed every night, even back when they were in college dorms and had to squeeze into Seungmin’s twin sized bed, that was just their normal. It was something they didn’t even have to think about, but right now it was all Jeongin could think about. Every breath he let out, every slight shift of his body to try and get comfortable, every little thing had Jeongin’s brain in overdrive.
He felt the mattress dip next to him and he wasn’t sure if it was comforting or terrifying. It was everything all at once.
“Good night, Jeongin.” Seungmin spoke surprisingly softly.
“Night.” Jeongin murmured and closed his eyes.
He could head Seungmin’s breaths from the other side of their makeshift pillow wall and the sound was oddly soothing. They were deep and steady. Jeongin matched his breathing with Seungmin’s, counting every breath in his head.
He barely made it to twenty before he was fast asleep.
Seungmin had always had that effect on him.