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Instance #1
Having been knocked up once already, Taeui felt like he was more prepared for this pregnancy, though it technically was an accidental one. And, in terms of the principle of the matter, he was completely prepared, but including the nuances of the situation, he really wasn't.
Before, with Hyeon Jin, the extent of it was food cravings, and the occasionally nauseua (actually, the main issue was that he was horny 24/7). Now, with Yohan, it was all of that (minus the sexual drive) plus something else. Something worse.
He was absolutely and thoroughly exhausted.
You might think, well, yes, he was pregnant, he was bound to be fatigued, or at the very least tired, but Taeui was so sleepy all the time! He woke up, and he already wanted to go back to bed!!
It might've been bearable if only it weren't for the fact that the only place he could sleep off was in Ilay's arms. God! It was never like this before! If anything, Ilay was the one who depended on him to fall asleep. It reached a point where Taeui found himself bothering Ilay while he was working, reading, or even showering…Yes, he would actively strip, get into the shower, and hug Ilay until he was asleep.
Taeui thought it was the most mortifying thing in the world, even though he knew Ilay enjoyed it more than he let on. So much so that soon enough, there were blankets in his office; hell, there were blankets everywhere now.
Apart from the public humiliation of falling asleep in Ilay's lap at the occasional dinner/outing, it wasn't too bad, overall. Taeui liked the feeling of having shifted into his panther form and snoozing away by the fireplace. Even more so did he like the feeling of briefly waking up to find Ilay and Hyeon Jin next to him. Though Jin wouldn't be in his own animal form, he would often lean on Taeui, with a book in his hands, while Ilay lay on the other side of him.
Sometimes, Taeui would admittedly like to climb into Ilay's lap and just sit there to soak up the spicy scent of his cologne. Nothing beat the snow leopard's natural warmth, not even the fireplace.
Taeui was ashamed to say it, but he was addicted to Ilay. He didn't think he would be able to survive if Ilay left the house, even if it were to get groceries.
A soft chuckle resounded from above him, and Taeui's fingers halted as they were toying with the silky strands of hair above Ilay's neck.
"What is it?" he whispered tiredly, leaning further into Ilay's embrace.
The snow leopard shook his head, and Taeui felt the distinct sensation of him noting something down.
"It's nothing, darling. I just think you're endearing," Ilay replied, just as quietly.
That was a bit sweet, but since it came from Ilay's mouth, it felt oddly demeaning.
Taeui heaved a sigh of exhaustion before closing his eyes again.
"Love you, Ilay…" he murmured, words brushing against Ilay's neck like a tender kiss.
Just as he felt himself slipping away into the deeper clutches of sleep, he heard Ilay's warm reply.
"I love you too, Jeong Taeui."
Instance #2
As much as Hyeon Jin loved his appa, there reached a certain point where he thought he might actually choke on panther fur. He was well aware that pregnancy instigated uncontrollable desires, but being subject to one of those desires was suffocating. To elaborate, his appa had developed this penchant for clinging to him all the time.
He could be studying for heaven's sake, and Taeui would come and cuddle up to him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead. Honestly, Jin liked all the attention, but the issue was that he was, well, he was classically conditioned into falling asleep whenever Taeui did something like that. As a young ten-year-old with nothing much to worry about except for what Valentine's gift to get for Niko, it wasn't too bothersome.
So, then, most of the time, he would be working while sitting next to Taeui, or be in his arms.
Now, Jin wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed (he was, he was the guillotine), but something he noticed rather swiftly was that his appa enjoyed it when he was in his fawn form. Hyeon Jin didn't shift that much, which was, yes, a bit unhealthy, since it was debilitating. No opposable thumbs, what are you gonna do? Anyway, he didn't like being in his fawn form as he would spend a lot of his time reading, but Taeui seemed to love it so much that he began to comply.
As a parent, Taeui must have liked doting over him, which was honestly quite nice.
He would, in his panther form, pick him up, while he was in his deer form, by the scruff of his neck and plop him down by the fireplace to groom him. Yep, he would literally hold him down with his fat paw and peacefully groom away.
Jin thought he was getting too old for it, but if his appa wanted it, then he didn't mind. Especially since Taeui would stop about five minutes later and tuck Jin next to him so he could curl his body around him and sleep off. And as a child who ran cold, Jin would welcome the warmth happily.
That was until his father showed up, and he would overheat. It wasn't his fault; the snow leopard was WAY too hot. And then being between two warm, giant cats and on top of all of that, being in front of the fireplace— god, it was like he was burning up.
Of course, he would never say that. But it was hot. Really hot.
So, yes, here he was in his appa's arms as he held him close. Taeui ran his slender fingers through Jin's hair, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of his head.
"Are you excited to be a big brother, Jinnie?" Taeui asked, stroking the apple of Jin's cheek.
Jin glanced up at him, burrowing further into his chest before responding with his muffled answer.
"No. I don't feel particularly excited or disappointed about it. As long as you guys are happy."
He knew that, ideally, that wasn't the correct reply, but Taeui had told him over and over again that it was better to be honest than to people-please. And he wasn't lying—a sibling wasn't exactly an appealing prospect, nor was it a sad one. Additionally, he knew his alexithymia would get in the way of "caring" for them, so why should he even try to pretend it would be okay?
"Is that so, Jinnie? Well, we're very happy. And I just want you to be happy, too, so you can tell me if you're scared," Taeui responded, cradling Jin's jaw in his hands.
"Scared? I mean, I don't know. I never know. I'm just here, I suppose."
When he gazed up into the panther's eyes, his own apathetic ones gleamed back, as if to mock him. But, as the reflection of his own eyes morphed with Taeui's, the apathy rippled into disturbed waves of love. He liked doing this for that very reason. Because even if he couldn't understand what it truly meant to love, he knew that if he looked in his appa's eyes, he would find it right there.
As for the sibling, well, he would try to be good for them.
It sort of reminded him of vis inertiae. Some things were simply… irresistible to change. And he was one of them.
Instance #3
Ilay sighed to himself quietly, shedding his tie and coat before tossing them haphazardly to the side. As he stepped into the bedroom, he paused at the sight of his mate curled up in the middle of the bed, clutching his pillow. Though it was sweet to see, his heart tightened at the noticeable tear-streaks, gaze latching onto them with tentative fervour.
Considering Taeui's recent antics, it wasn't healthy for him to be stressing himself over things, so it was quite unfortunate that he couldn't fall asleep without Ilay beside him. Of course, in some darker, more loathsome part of his soul, the notion pleased him to the veins, with the mere dependency that had blossomed in Taeui being a delight to his twisted desires. But above all of that, it still pained him to see his sweet mate in so much distress from the sheer fatigue.
"Jeong Taeui," he called out softly, slipping into the bed and pressing his body around the other as he hugged him.
"…Ilay…?" Taeui murmured, with a slight confusion beneath his otherwise exhausted tone. "You came back so quickly…"
Ilay anchored his arm around Taeui's slim waist, pulling the panther flush against himself. As their tails intertwined, Ilay began to stroke his supple cheek, replying, "I called off the meeting when Hyeon Jin said you couldn't sleep."
Taeui gazed up at him despondently, burrowing into Ilay's embrace. Once his face was pressed into his chest, he feebly wrapped his own arms around Ilay's torso, soaking up his natural heat. A gentle, rumbling purr vibrated between them before Taeui mumbled, "I'm sorry for bothering you so much."
He began to unbutton Ilay's shirt to shift closer to the source of the warmth, with the contented purring growing louder when Ilay tenderly whispered, "I want you to bother me, my beautiful mate. Why else do you think we're married?"
Now, with Ilay's shirt tossed to the side and Taeui's sweater pushed away, the two were pressed closer than ever, with their body heat overlapping into one.
Ilay watched his lover gently slip under the waves of repose, with his restless expression soothing into one of satisfaction. When his breathing regulated, his body rising and falling in a languid, pendulum pattern, Ilay began to card his pale fingers through the mahogany strands that littered Taeui's head.
Now that things were silent enough to ruminate, save for Taeui's slow breathing, he somewhat berated himself for even leaving in the first place. Really, when Kyle nagged him about his "required attendance," he should've just shot him then and there. Another nuisance would be finally dealt with. After that, it would just be Chris, Jeong Jaeui, and Ling Xinlu…
Well, either way, the point was that his heart almost skipped a beat when he received his son's distant yet concerned text.
If he was being frank, he had actually been mid-meeting when Jin had messaged him. Naturally, he was not exactly doing anything important; he was there to observe and be a representative of his sector, so he was at the back, whiling away his time on his phone when it vibrated with a text.
[New Message from: Little Bambi]
{papa are you busy}
{No, is something wrong}
{appa looks depressed}
{come back and hug him to sleep}
{also he's crying}
{i dont know why you even left smh}
{Yeah, yeah, I'm coming back now}
{Did he eat}
{i think so}
{he was crying into his soup}
{it was probably too salty to consume after that}
{Was the soup all he ate}
{he had ice cream}
{like the whole tub}
{he ate all my hazelnut swirl :( }
{I'll buy more on the way back}
{buy more eggs too we're all out}
{You hearted this message}
{dont speed i dont need two useless parents}
{You hearted this message}
Unfortunately, he hadn't taken his son's advice whatsoever and broke the speed limit exactly 43 times on the way home (including the pit stop for ice cream and eggs). And considering the drive was only 30 minutes, he thought his dedication was a little impressive.
Taeui hadn't been eating or drinking properly for months, on top of not even sleeping well. Fuck, he knew he shouldn't have left Taeui alone; he really should've just killed Kyle all those years ago.
When he had gotten home, though his son was pleased to see his ice cream, he had spared Ilay a scathing glance, stealing a glimpse at the clock before tsking softly—as if he had already assessed the rate at which Ilay sped home.
"I'm pretty sure he's trying to morph with the sheets, from what I've seen. I would recommend you stop him, I don't believe that's normal behaviour," Hyeon Jin had dryly offered, placing the ice cream in the freezer.
Ilay hadn't bothered with a reply, instead ascending the stairs with agitated swiftness.
"Don't trip on all that desperation," his son had called out, an amused laugh following the statement.
"God, just do your homework, Hyeon Jin," he had snapped back with a roll of his eyes.
At least their home wasn't so large as to hinder Ilay's desires to reunite with his mate, he thought faintly to himself as he breathed in the mild floral scent of Taeui's shampoo.
Just as he was about to close his own eyes, the muffled thud of light footsteps climbing the stairs alerted him to his son's approaching presence.
"Oh, good, appa's asleep," Jin whispered, his amethyst eyes fixated on Taeui. "I'm gonna go nap, too. I'm kind of tired."
Ilay gave Hyeon Jin an affectionate smile, shifting back from Taeui to allow there to be a small gap between them. A gap big enough to fit just a child.
When Jin frowned, analysing the situation, Ilay couldn't help but chuckle, pointedly glancing at the space. The little bambi shrugged and shuffled silently into the room, clambering onto the bed with agile liquidity, before fitting himself between their bodies.
Taeui's subtle smile had Jin pausing, staring up at him.
"Hello, sweetheart," Taeui murmured softly as he moved an arm down to caress Jin's cheek. "Did you do your work?"
"Of course I did. So, here I am, indulging both your wishes and sleeping between you two overgrown radiators."
With a pinch to the neck, Jin felt silent for a moment before muttering, "Don't leave again, papa."
"Yeah, Ilay…you heard your son," Taeui sleepily added in.
Though Ilay wanted to retort, the two had already fallen asleep, snoozing away in his arms.
Well, he wasn't planning to leave anytime soon.
Everything he needed was already right beside him.
Bonus Instance #4
Taeui awoke with a particular thirst building up in his throat. As he groped about for his water bottle, with a light shake, he found it to be empty, eliciting a soft groan. At least, post-second son, the exhaustion had also left his body, and Taeui now wasn't scrounging for every last minute of sleep. i.e., he couldn't bother Ilay to go downstairs and refill his water bottle, though he was certain that if he asked, he would've done it.
Well, after he had sat up, he finally noticed that his mate wasn't even there in the first place, with silver fur speckling the ruffled sheets.
Now his curiosity was piqued.
Taeui ran his fingers through his hair, rubbing away the sleep lingering in his groggy eyes.
"Let's see where he's gone…" he mumbled to himself, slipping on his slides.
With his water bottle in hand, Taeui peeked out into the corridor, glancing around to find any trace of the snow leopard. Oddly enough, his mate was leaning on the door frame of their son's room. Yes, apologies to his beloved fawn son, but it was simply so much easier to have them stay together until Yohan was older. Anyway, Ilay had a gentle smile gracing his impassive lips, which was already a disturbing sight, but on top of that, Taeui swore that as he pocketed his phone, the camera app had been open.
He crept over to his mate, poking Ilay's back with his bottle.
"What are you—"
Ilay tilted his head back at Taeui, making the shh gesture with his finger. Taeui frowned at his dismissive behaviour, before taking the time to actually gaze into his sons' room to find his little fawn sprawled out on the bed.
With a panther cub sleeping right on his face.
He choked on his saliva, eyes widening incredulously as he clutched Ilay's bicep in surprise.
"Can he breathe?!" He hissed, trying to step inside.
"Wait a moment, just watch," Ilay replied quietly, holding him back with a robust arm.
Taeui paused, obliging Ilay's suggestion with a dubious expression. When he turned back to watch his children, Hyeon Jin had picked Yohan up by the scruff of his neck and plopped him to the side, curling into himself with a discontented scowl. Unfortunately, the panther cub hadn't taken the hint and woke up with an unhappy yowl, clambering onto his brother's face once more.
It went back and forth like that for more than a few moments, until Jin sleepily acquiesced, gathering the cub into his arms and burying his face into the silky fur. As Yohan began to purr, Taeui nodded in satisfaction, pleased to find his otherwise apathetic son having enough patience to deal with his baby brother.
"No, no. That's not it. Just wait another moment," the low voice behind him spoke up, rubbing the curve of Taeui's hip.
And so he did, fidgeting with the cap of his water bottle.
Another few minutes ticked by, and Yohan suddenly meowed, poking his inky head out from Jin's arms. He glanced around as he frantically struggled to climb out of Hyeon Jin's hold. After he finally did, he pattered around his brother, circling once— twice— thrice, until it seemed that he was satiated and flopped over.
Taeui tilted his head in confusion, not entirely sure what was happening.
"I think he's trying to keep him safe," Ilay murmured, smoothly taking the bottle from Taeui's hand and stepping back.
"Wow, that's…really cute," Taeui exclaimed as soon as they were out of earshot, clasping his hands together. "My babies are so adorable together."
"Ours. They're our children, in case you forgot."
Taeui flicked Ilay's head while they descended the stairs together.
"How could I? The process to conceive them was hell," he muttered to himself with a shudder.
He was somewhat surprised when the reply to that was an amused chuckle.
"But they're worth the world, aren't they?"
The statement was so out of character that it had Taeui's brain malfunctioning for a hot second.
"U-Uh, yeah…yeah- they really are…"