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Rain drops tainted the window in his bedroom. The lack of sun outside makes you feel like you’re in a graveyard, and the atmosphere was nothing but gloomy. It wasn’t any better on the inside.
There sat Isagi at his desk, furiously working to respond to emails on a computer. His hand was flying across the keyboard, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and a slight frown on his face.
The computer screen illuminated Isagi’s face in the pitch dark room, but you wouldn’t be able to see anything else. Sitting right next to him on the desk is a picture frame.
The photo was perfectly frozen and concealed in the casing, capturing a moment between the two friends. Bachira's arm wrapped around Isagi’s neck, and a bright grin painted onto his face.
With how radiant the smile was, it could’ve lightened the whole space. Bachira would burst into the room with that same cheerful demeanor.
Thinking this, Isagi instinctively lifted his head and turned to the doorway. It didn’t open like he was expecting, he hoped that it would all be a dream and Bachira was here. To reassure him that everything is fine, and that it’ll be okay.
Instead, a wave of melancholy washed over him as his eyes met the unmoving wooden door. His expression darkened further, because it wasn’t like he was content with his current state in life anyway.
The rain outside intensified, producing a meaningless melody as it hit against the fenestella. Turning back to the screen, his mind wanders further to other thoughts…
That night when Bachira took him out when it was pouring, and they ran through the streets. Isagi remembers looking at his face, and was met back with a huge smile. That was the last time he saw that beam.
A late alarm went off on his phone, warning Isagi about eating something before he starves to death. He never did this before, but ever since the incident Isagi struggled with taking care of himself. The weight of that event kept him locked in his room for a whole month, and it even got his teammates worrying.
Isagi peeks at the time. 9:30 PM. He should make something to eat, or he could go out instead. Isagi debated on that for a while, and finally pushed his chair away to stand up. It was about time he got out of his house.
Picking something to wear didn’t require any overthinking, it was too dark to see. And out of the corner of his eye, Isagi suddenly spotted a brightly colored hoodie laying on top of an unorganized pile. It was a golden yellow with cute little designs across the sleeves, as well as two small pockets on either side.
Isagi knew who it belonged to, but he couldn’t give it back. Not anymore. It was left sitting there, with the other miscellaneous shirts and pants. The hoodie felt more like a bitter reminder of who he lost.
Like a rat stepping out of its little den, Isagi was hesitant to reveal himself to the public. Despite being distant and avoiding any interaction, he cares deeply about how others think of him.
Isagi took a deep breath and opened his umbrella and headed out, his rain boots splashing into the puddles of water. The raindrops hitting the umbrella sounds like soft footsteps of a dog, running around a house.
Isagi’s eyes drift to his surroundings. The streets were sort of empty, due to the rainfall and late hours. He could see an elderly woman with a young man walking together, who he assumes to be her grandson. A group of friends ahead were all chatting and bantering with each other.
For a second, Isagi thought he had seen Bachira within the group. Same medium length hair, same colors, but just a different face. His heart rate increased but it was quickly replaced with disappointment. Just another stranger…
He passed by them and couldn't help glance one more time, hoping to recognize them in some way. Bachira’s face would fit perfectly on them, but he forced himself to look away.
Isagi’s grip tightened on the umbrella holder, he could feel tears welling up in his eyes. A strong wind was building up, and he was having a hard time keeping the umbrella above his head.
When arriving at a local restaurant, the menu didn’t seem appealing to his current appetite. He ordered a dish Bachira would always get, but even the food tastes bland in his mouth.
Customers around were surprised by the soccer star’s appearance, however none of them approached him. They must’ve sensed his dampened mood, although Isagi paid no attention to them.
Derealization starts to settle in him. At first it was a ripple, like a calm shore gently washing itself upon the sandy land. Then, it hit him like a full wave. The chatters around faded into a void, his vision blurred and mixed together.
Isagi doesn’t remember what happened next, but at least he made it home safe.
The hard sound of large raindrops hitting the ground was mixed with heavy footsteps scrambling on the concrete streets. Two teenage boys ran in the pouring rain, their hair messy and clothes soaked. But despite the horrible weather, laughter radiated from the both of them.
Brilliant street lights shined all around, adding a sort of fantasy to the dim atmosphere. Bachira and Isagi sped through the avenue, hands and fingers intertwined together.
Bachira was especially happy, grinning ear to ear and laughing with delight. He didn’t care about what came his way, just blasted past everything with incredible speed. It reminded Isagi of how he effortlessly dribbles past defenders and midfielders.
“Nyahaha! Isn’t this so much fun, Isagi-kun?!” His voice came bursting out like a splash of bright paint, or like a sudden beam of sunshine. “Haha! Slow down, Bachira!”
They both decelerated after a few seconds, catching their breaths and giggling. The cold was finally seeping through their bones, and there came the shivering.
“Damn, I shouldn’t have come out in a t-shirt… Sorry for dragging you here, Partner.” Bachira's teeth chattered as he spoke, and he wrapped his arms around himself. “No worries,” Isagi brushed strands of wet hair out of his face, “I don’t mind spending time with you, no matter what it is.”
“Ah,” Bachira’s smile widened, “I guess we haven't had time to hang out lately, just the two of us.” Being so busy in training and soccer matches, there hasn’t been much free time for any player. But during those rough days, Bachira and Isagi developed in their own ways independently.
…
“Bachira, I want to tell you something…” Isagi’s voice became smaller, as if he’s afraid to ruin the precious moment.
“Hm? What is it?”
The rain continued to pour on them both, and showed no signs of stopping or clearing up. It seems to get heavier each minute.
“I really like you.”
…
Huuuuhh?? I’m getting a confession?!
Bachira was stunned at the revelation. He never received a confession before, nor did he ever think Isagi had feelings for him. What does he say? Shouldn’t his heart be pounding? How is he supposed to feel?
“You really had no idea, huh?” Isagi had a small, sheepish smile on his face along with a faint blush. “I knew you were always oblivious to my feelings, but I was hoping you would notice in some way.”
Bachira couldn’t think of what to say, and stood there staring at Isagi. He couldn’t wrap his head around this situation. Isagi would love someone like him? But how could he never–
A particularly strong wind almost knocked them down, and the rain was drowning the space around them.
“It’s not safe to be out here… come on, let’s go back!” Bachira took hold of Isagi’s hand and dragged him out of his spot.
“Huh? But…” Isagi tried to look for any expressions on Bachira’s face, but he was facing ahead and not giving a glance at Isagi. “Bachira, please give me an answer!”
Isagi pulled his hand back, forcing Bachira to turn around. They were now standing in the middle of a crossing street.
“I…” Bachira stuttered, unable to give a response.
The crossing light turned red. A car came speeding by and was too late to notice the two boys.
Ah… Isagi..!
“Partner! Watch out!” He quickly pushed Isagi away with his elbow, and as far as possible.
“Wha-?!” Isagi landed on the ground with a loud thud, but when he was taking time to process the moment…
!!!
“Bachira..? BACHIRA!!”
“Is somebody hurt?!” “Those two boys over there!” “Is that Isagi-san and… Bachira-san?!”
Bachira lay bleeding and bruised on the road, his eyes fighting to keep open. The blood was mixing with the rain, creating a puddle of translucent pink liquid. There was an especially large wound on Bachira’s side, where he was hit.
Isagi rushed over with panic on his face, though Bachira couldn’t see much of it due to his blurring vision. Isagi took Bachira’s limp hand in his, crying and screaming for help.
No, Isagi… don’t come over here… you shouldn’t see me in such a miserable state…
Isagi’s voice became muffled and unclear as he slowly faded out of consciousness. Sounds of police sirens and cries of help were recognizable in the distance.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t even tell you how I felt… How would I respond anyways? I bet I would disappoint you with my answer… I’m so, so sorry…