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Chiss, Chocolate, and Other Human Hazards

Summary:

Today, while chatting on the Everything Chiss Discord server, we somehow ended up discussing which foods Chiss might be able to eat that humans cannot, and vice versa. Which means I have to thank Its_a_moray for putting the truly excellent and terrible thought in my head:

What if chocolate were as toxic to Chiss as it is to dogs?

For context: chocolate contains methylxanthines, mainly theobromine and some caffeine. Humans metabolize these well enough that chocolate is usually just a delicious life choice; dogs do not, which is why chocolate poisoning can cause vomiting, tremors, tachycardia, seizures, and, in severe cases, death. So this fic runs with the idea that Chiss biology handles chocolate just as badly.

Which is unfortunate for Thrawn, because Eli Vanto has just received a birthday care package from home.

With dark chocolate cookies.

Notes:

Chapter 1: Home package

Chapter Text

The package arrived halfway through second shift, with two Imperial inspection seals slapped over the original transit label, a corner crushed in from careless handling, and a strip of blue packing tape wound around it in a way that made Eli stop before he had even read the sender line.

It was not regulation blue.

It was Vanto Shipping blue.

For a moment he simply stood there in front of the quartermaster’s counter, datapad in hand, thumb hovering over the receipt confirmation while the noise of the Blood Crow’s auxiliary logistics bay shifted around him in its usual tired rhythm — repulsor pallets whining along marked tracks, crewmen arguing in low voices over mismatched inventory codes, the ventilation system pushing recycled air over crates that smelled faintly of engine oil, plastoid, and whatever cleaning solvent the Navy had decided was suitable for human lungs.

The box sat between all of that like a mistake.

Not a bad one.

Just a soft one.

Something from a place where packages were packed by people who knew your name before your rank, where labels were handwritten because the sender trusted ink more than automated manifests, where blue tape meant home and not supply category eight.

“Ensign Vanto,” the quartermaster said, with the careful patience of a man who had seen young officers freeze at stranger things than a parcel from their parents. “You need to sign for it.”

Eli blinked.

“Right. Yes. Sorry.”

He signed.

The quartermaster turned the datapad back, checked the confirmation, then nudged the package toward him. “Cleared inspection. No active circuitry, no pressurized containers, no undeclared biological material, no restricted compounds.”

Eli looked down at the battered box and felt, absurdly, the urge to defend it. “It’s from my family.”

“That was not one of the restricted categories.”

“No, I mean—” He stopped, because explaining that his mother’s care packages did not deserve to be described in the same tone as contraband explosives was unlikely to improve anyone’s day. “Never mind.”

The quartermaster’s expression remained unchanged. “Happy birthday, sir.”

That caught him off guard more than the package had.

Eli stared at him.

The man looked back, face bland, eyes already drifting toward the next item in the intake queue. “It was on the customs declaration.”

“Oh.” Eli tightened his grip around the box. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

There was nothing else to say, so Eli stepped aside before he could make the moment any stranger, tucking the package under one arm and trying not to look as pleased as he felt.

It was a ridiculous thing, really. He was twenty-three, eight months out of the Academy, an officer of the Imperial Navy posted to a patrol cruiser that had already taught him more about supply inefficiency, hyperspace lane disputes, and the private misery of shared refresher schedules than he had ever wanted to know. He had stood watch through pirate alerts, translated trade complaints from captains twice his age, been shouted at by commanders who seemed to believe volume was a leadership doctrine, and once spent fourteen consecutive hours reconciling fuel expenditure logs because a lieutenant in engineering had entered decimal points as though they were decorative.

He should not have been undone by a box.

But the thing smelled faintly of home even through the packaging.

Not Lysatra itself, not exactly. That would have required dust, hot metal, damp cargo nets, river wind, and the particular mineral tang of shipyards baking under afternoon sun. This was gentler: sugar, spice, waxed paper, roasted grains, and underneath it all the deep, bitter-rich scent of dark chocolate.

Eli held the box closer before he realized he was doing it.

Then, because the corridor was still full of officers and enlisted crew and he had not yet reached the point in his career where he could afford to be seen hugging freight, he straightened, adjusted his face into something more neutral, and carried it toward the turbolift.

He almost made it.

“Vanto.”

The voice came from behind him, cool, precise, and unmistakable.

Eli turned.

Lieutenant Thrawn stood at the intersection near the navigation annex, datapad in one hand, posture as composed as if the Blood Crow had arranged its corridor geometry purely for his benefit. He had been aboard long enough that most of the crew no longer stared openly, but not long enough for them to stop noticing him. Eli still saw it sometimes: the flicker of attention, the pause, the quick recalculation when someone’s gaze caught on blue skin, red eyes, a uniform worn correctly but never quite invisibly.

Eli noticed other things now.

The stillness before Thrawn spoke. The way his eyes moved first, not broadly, but with surgical economy. The way he seemed to collect a room before entering it fully. The fact that, when he looked at the package under Eli’s arm, he did not look merely curious.

He looked as though the box had presented data.

“Lieutenant,” Eli said, shifting the package into a more secure hold. “Do you need something?”

“I have completed my review of the cargo-route projections you translated this morning.”

Of course he had.

Eli tried not to glance longingly toward the turbolift. “Was there a problem?”

“There is an inconsistency in the reported turnaround time between the Kurost transfer station and the secondary depot at Sevarcos.”

Eli felt his shoulders sink a fraction. “That’s because the captain of the Merrydown is lying about his engine class.”

Thrawn’s brow lifted slightly.

Not much. With him, not much was often the equivalent of someone else leaning across a table.

“You were aware.”

“Suspected,” Eli corrected. “He claims a class three hyperdrive because that keeps his contract premium, but his actual transit intervals are closer to an old class four with a temperamental motivator. Civilian haulers do that sometimes. Especially family companies that don’t want to admit they’re running on parts older than their crew.”

“An expensive deception.”

“Only if anyone checks.”

“I checked.”

“Yes,” Eli said, unable to help the faint smile. “I’m starting to notice that about you.”

Thrawn considered him for a moment, and Eli had the uncomfortable sense that the smile had been catalogued somewhere beside the fraudulent hyperdrive and the crushed corner of the package.

“Your assessment is likely correct,” Thrawn said. “I will revise the projection accordingly.”

“Glad to help.”

Eli took half a step backward.

Thrawn’s gaze shifted again, briefly, to the box.

“That package is personal.”

It was not a question, but Eli had grown used to answering Thrawn’s observations as if they contained one. Half the time they did, just not in the usual shape.

“From my family,” he said. “They run shipping routes out of Lysatra. Vanto Shipping Company. We passed close enough to one of their commercial lanes for them to transfer something through Navy post.”

“For your birthday.”

Eli stared. Then remembered the customs declaration and huffed a quiet laugh. “Does everyone know that now?”

“The quartermaster mentioned it to Lieutenant Dey when I entered the bay. Lieutenant Dey then repeated it to two ensigns near the manifest console. One of them appeared interested in the contents of the package.”

“That would be Rask,” Eli said darkly. “Rask is interested in anything that might contain sugar.”

“Does it?”

Eli looked down at the box, and this time he did smile properly, because the scent had warmed slightly under his arm and memory came with it, uninvited but welcome: his mother cooling trays on the counter, his sister stealing broken edges, his father pretending not to like sweets and then taking three when he thought no one was counting.

“Yeah,” he said. “It does.”

Thrawn waited.

There was no pressure in it. That was the strange thing. Other officers asked questions like they were taking inventory of you, deciding which parts could be used and which could be discarded. Thrawn’s questions, when they came, felt different. Not softer, exactly. Never soft. But cleaner. He wanted to know because something had become unknown, and unknown things offended some private symmetry in him.

“My mother makes these dark chocolate cookies,” Eli explained, tapping the top of the box. “Well, she says she makes them. I’m pretty sure my sister does most of the work now and lets her take credit. They’re bitter, not too sweet, with salt on top. Kind of a family favorite.”

“Dark chocolate,” Thrawn repeated.

The words came out with the faint pause he used when testing unfamiliar terminology.

Eli looked up. “You’ve never had chocolate?”

“I am unfamiliar with the term in that context.”

“In what context do you know it?”

“Trade compounds. Pigments. Two botanical references, neither edible.”

Eli laughed before he could stop himself. “Right. Well, human context: edible. Very edible. Depending who you ask, one of the better arguments for civilization.”

“I see.”

“You absolutely do not, but that’s fine.”

For a second, Thrawn’s expression did not change.

Then one corner of his mouth moved, barely there, and Eli had the sudden, dangerous satisfaction of realizing he had amused him.

It was gone almost immediately.

“You are off duty?” Thrawn asked.

“Technically, yes.”

“Technically?”

“I have three reports to finish, but none of them are on fire yet.”

“Reports do not combust.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“I would not,” Thrawn said. “The shipboard filing system is poorly maintained.”

Eli looked at him.

Thrawn looked back.

After a moment Eli decided the safest option was to treat that as humor, whether or not it had been intended that way. “I was going to open this in my quarters. Maybe bribe myself into doing the reports.”

“A common motivational strategy?”

“Among humans? Extremely.”

“Then I will not delay you.”

The proper response would have been to nod, excuse himself, go to his quarters, open the package alone, and eat as many cookies as nostalgia demanded before dinner ruined his appetite. That would have been sensible. That would have been normal.

But the Blood Crow had a way of making normal things feel smaller. Birthdays became entries in a personnel file. Family became delayed transmissions. Home became a smell trapped under inspection tape. And Thrawn, who stood in the corridor with his strange stillness and his stranger attention, was the first person all day who had looked at the package and seen something other than a processed object moving through Imperial channels.

So Eli heard himself say, “You can try one, if you want.”

Thrawn paused.

Eli immediately wondered if he had just committed some catastrophic breach of Chiss etiquette. Maybe offering food in a corridor implied a blood debt. Maybe accepting sweets from a subordinate created a command obligation. Maybe Chiss did not snack. That seemed possible. Thrawn, in particular, looked like someone who had never snacked in his life, only consumed nutrients at strategically optimal intervals.

“I mean,” Eli added, suddenly too aware of the box under his arm, “unless you don’t eat sweets. Or corridor-based birthday contraband.”

“It passed inspection.”

“That does not make it less contraband in spirit.”

“Ah,” Thrawn said. “A cultural distinction.”

“Something like that.”

Thrawn considered the package, then Eli.

“I would be interested,” he said.

Eli’s smile returned, easy and unguarded this time. “Then come on. Before Rask smells it from two decks away.”

He regretted the phrasing as soon as he said it, because Thrawn’s eyes sharpened in that way that meant he had taken the statement literally enough to wonder whether Ensign Rask possessed an unusual olfactory range. But, mercifully, he did not ask.

They walked together toward the turbolift.

It was not far. Nothing on the Blood Crow was far enough to allow a silence to become comfortable unless both people were willing to help it along, and Eli had never been good at silence when he was nervous. He shifted the box again, cleared his throat, and said, “My mother probably packed too much.”

“Is that not desirable?”

“Depends how many people find out. A care package has a half-life on a ship. The moment you open it, it starts attracting hungry officers.”

“Then secrecy would be strategically useful.”

“You say that like we’re planning an ambush.”

“Are we not?”

Eli glanced sideways.

Thrawn’s face was perfectly calm.

This time Eli was almost sure it was intentional.

“Lieutenant,” he said solemnly, “I may be from a shipping family, but I want it known I do not usually conduct covert operations involving baked goods.”

“Your inexperience is noted.”

The turbolift doors opened.

Eli stepped inside, laughing under his breath, and for the first time all day the Blood Crow felt a little less like a machine designed to grind the softness out of people.

It would occur to him later, with a clarity that made the memory cruel, that he had not asked whether chocolate was an usual thing for Chiss.

But then, why would he have?

Chocolate was food.

Chocolate was home.

Chocolate was the thing his mother sent when she could not send herself, the thing his father pretended was too sweet and ate anyway, the thing Eli had missed with an ache so ordinary he had not thought to name it.

And Thrawn, who knew poisons by trade designation, pigments by mineral composition, and military deception by the shape of silence around it, had never heard the word in a form that mattered.

So neither of them suspected anything.

Not when Eli opened the box.

Not when the smell of dark chocolate filled the little borrowed privacy of his quarters, warm and bitter and familiar.

Not when Thrawn accepted the biscuit Eli offered him with polite curiosity.

Not even when he took the first careful bite.