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Xue Yang stared at the two faint lines on the wet strip of plastic in his hands and felt like his life had been pulled from under his feet. There was something lodged deep inside his throat, maybe a hysterical scream.

Pregnant.

There had to be some kind of mistake.

He got out of the toilet, still clutching that damned piece of diagnostic tool and his whole body trembled. This was not supposed to happen.

Of course, he had known there were going to be risks. After all, Xue Yang was one of the staff in Lanling Jin Corp’s RDI program testing novel birth control methods; a pleasure omega responsible for taking care of the Jin alpha’s ruts. Or, as they were generally known in Jinlintai, a rut slut.

Of course, he had known. He just had thought it would never happen to him, blindly trusting in dubious science.

And the father? He had no idea.

Xue Yang wanted to throw up.

There had been too many alphas who had fucked him during their ruts. It was a miracle he was still unmarked and unmated—Jin Corp had protected him from that under Su Minshan’s watchful eye as a bare minimum. And the pay had been decent, at least better than a life on the streets as a homeless orphan.

Blood, pain, his pinky finger, Yueyang. He was just a child.

Xue Yang’s head swam. How stupid he had been. He should have wandered off to literally any other place in Jianghu. But hopelessly hopeful and desperately angry, Xue Yang had thought that surely there would be something in Lanling for omegas with no family, no name, no money, no dowry, and no pinky finger. Lanling was a cultivation megalopolis after all, so surely there was a way to earn some money or connections so that he could finally exact his revenge.

It hadn’t taken him long to find out about the Jin Corp med test program. It had seemed perfectly legitimate on paper, a glorious opportunity to contribute for the good of society and omega rights. Upon calling, he had been accepted on spot, no questions asked.

But now, after almost three years of being fucked and used and prodded and poked, he knew Jin Corp was going to kick him out of the program. It was as simple as that. If the meds worked and the RDI Department got its data and fancy results, omegas were welcomed and treated well, paid for their efforts, for giving up their bodies for the sake of science. But once the birth control failed?

Jin Corp had zero interest in giving their omegas an abortion because it cost money and there was always the threat of serious complications, not telling whether the omega would be ready to serve any time soon. With no shortage of starry-eyed newcomers, pregnant omegas were disposed of in silence instead.

Xue Yang had seen it happen too many times.

One day an omega was in their shared omega house, and the next he wasn’t. Or she. There were omegas of both first genders there, because only their secondary gender mattered at Jinlintai.

Bile rose to his throat as Xue Yang stared at the offensive piece of test strip in his hand before throwing it in the trash. His time had run out, his good days were over. It was just a matter of time before they found out, before Su Minshan came to him and tossed him onto the hidden alleyways of Lanling, never to be seen again.

Xue Yang growled. Hot tears burned his eyes. He clutched his stomach, as flat as always, purposefully not thinking about what was growing inside.

The slums outside the shining city of inner Lanling weren’t as bad as they could have been. That didn’t mean they weren’t poor, their houses ramshackle and roads dirty.

It had been a few weeks since Xue Yang had arrived, walking into those narrow streets with nothing but a small duffel bag on his shoulder, his whole life wrapped up like that. A bit of clothes, a book of Kuizhou folk tales and spells, his talisman-making kit and his half-broken cell phone—a gift from Jin Corp since they didn't want that garbage back. It cost more to properly recycle the components that just gift it away.

He also had a shiny, new debit card which was linked to a bank account with all his salary from the past three years. However, when he had tried to get cash out of an ATM before leaving the main city, he had been informed that his account was all but empty. He had texted Su Minshan, who had informed him the money had been withdrawn as compensation for a so-called breach of contract, namely for getting pregnant. Then he had blocked Xue Yang’s number.  

Xue Yang stared at the useless debit card, the first he had ever owned. He really should have read the small print.

It was just that he had been so desperate. 

Well. Xue Yang was paying for his stupidity now. Rents and food were costly even in the slums, and soon there would be two of them. But at least he still had his revenge, the idea of it in his head, the image of tearing Chang Cian apart and slaughtering his whole sect. It warmed his heart, if not his body.

Not knowing what to do, Xue Yang spent his days wandering around, trying to find a job. Even though the slums were generally regarded as omega-friendly, coming by available jobs wasn’t easy. His cultivation was low, not enough to take on any real hunts or spirit-slaying assignments, and he was suffering from constant nausea, throwing up all the time and generally feeling like shit.

Luckily, he had managed to find a small place for himself, just a tiny room on the ground floor of an omega dorm. He was grateful to the point that even the slugs that wiggled inside from the cracks on the wall in the dark of the night didn't bother him. His landlady was a kind beta who had felt sorry for Xue Yang and let him stay for free as long as he was able to help her with some errands.

Xue Yang hadn’t had much kindness targeted his way in his life, had always thought there was only violence for him to go by. This time, he promised to pay back with interest as soon as he was fit enough for a job, even though the words felt odd on his tongue as he voiced them, almost getting stuck in his throat.

It was just that he was so fucking nauseous all the time, barely able to function. Bringing him some water, his landlady informed him that he was probably suffering from hypere-something, extensive nausea and vomiting during pregnancy. Xue Yang couldn’t bring himself to care. It mattered little when there was no fucking cure, no talisman to help him—he had crafted and tried those already.

Smells made him nauseous, food made him nauseous, alphas made him nauseous and merely existing made him nauseous.

Every day he walked around the slums, desperately seeking a job and a source of income, feeling like his skin was three sizes too small and throwing up all around the dusty streets. People looked at him with pity in their eyes, that poor omega. He violently wanted to gut them with his knife, see their blood paint the alleyways red, because despite their pity, there was no way anyone wanted to hire a pregnant omega who kept vomiting, retching, convulsing, his eyes watery and angry, mouth turned downwards.

Maybe he wasn’t even pregnant; maybe he was just so high on some shady stuff that he was like that they probably thought and hell, Xue Yang couldn’t blame them for that.

Ultimately, the only job he was able to find was selling matches on the streets. He had tried crafting fire talismans but realized he was running out of materials too soon and had no money to buy more. Match-selling didn’t really give him any kind of income, only a fake sense of security and some resemblance of a meaning for his life. But he kept going, not thinking about his future or that of his unborn child, and definitely not thinking about the fact that he had absolutely nothing to give to his child except his deep hatred towards the world.

Maybe it would be better off aborted after all, whispered his mind but he ignored that, too. As if he had the money.

“Chengmei,” said his landlady one early morning when he was just about to leave to sell those matches no one wanted to buy.

“Yes?” he answered automatically.

The landlady gave him a small smile he didn’t quite know how to accept. “I don’t know if the word has reached you yet, but there’s an ob-gyn specializing in omega medicine who visits the slums every two weeks to provide care for the omegas here. Out of goodwill, all pro bono. Apparently, he’ll be here this week, too, in case you’d like to get yourself checked.”

Xue Yang frowned, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. He knew he must be reaching the end of the first trimester, but he wasn't sure. The only thing he knew for sure was that he felt horribly sick all the time. In fact, it was getting increasingly difficult not to slash anyone’s throat open from sheer desperation when he couldn’t eat anything, drink anything and with bile as the only constant taste in his mouth.

“Thank you,” he said, words foreign on his tongue and voice hoarse from non-use and vomiting. “Maybe I’ll go.”

Of course he wouldn’t. But he didn’t want to tell that to his landlady who only meant well, and Xue Yang knew it was only because of her goodwill that he even had a roof above him. 

It seemed like she knew him only too well because suddenly she grabbed his shoulders and made him face her. “Chengmei. I know you're having tough time and that you generally don’t trust a lot of people around here. But Dr. Xingchen is very much adored in this part of the town, one of the kindest doctors around. The people around here trust him. Please, Chengmei, won’t you go see him? You need to have at least the basic pregnancy bloodwork done.”

Xue Yang didn’t say anything. He didn’t know how to reply to the kindness, barely recognized it. Thank you? The words felt plasticky and he was surely running late, although there was no strict schedule for his work. However, the less time he spent on the streets selling his sorry little matches, the less chances he had of getting any money. And with the trick that Jin Corp had pulled on his savings—

Xue Yang wanted to scream, maybe murder someone.

“Okay,” his mouth agreed regardless, his murderous intentions not making it past his brain. The pregnancy fog was dangerous for his mind, he thought unhappily.

His landlady smiled, a small twitch of her lips. “Thank you, Chengmei. Dr. Xingchen’s going to be here on Thursday. 6pm, Frost Shack.”

Xue Yang nodded. His mind was buzzing from unease, but he had made his decision: he wasn’t going to live on the streets again like he had in the past, even if it took a useless visit to see a useless doctor.

And hence, true to his promise for once, Xue Yang found himself waiting to see Dr. Xiao Xingchen on Thursday.

“Xue Chengmei?”

He rose unsteadily to his feet when he heard a lovely, warm voice calling his name and made his way to the makeshift appointment room at Frost Shack.

The moment he closed the door found him punched out of all breath.

A tall, fucking beautiful alpha in a white lab coat was standing next to the window, his face illuminated by the glow of the plate sun. His hair was black, long and shining, and it looked like he had all the money in the world to use for hair care products. And when he turned to look at Xue Yang, Xue Yang couldn’t do anything except stare into his gently sparkling dark eyes. An oddly neutral but not quite scent lingered in the air, and Xue Yang wondered if the doctor was using a scent blocker or something, or if it was just his own cocktail of funky pregnancy hormones making him feel dizzy.

At least he hadn’t thrown up yet, which could be counted as a win.

“Xue Chengmei,” the doctor smiled, eyes crinkling as if it was his greatest pleasure to meet Xue Yang. “Please take a seat.”

“It’s Xue Yang,” Xue Yang replied sullenly, ambling over to the chair next to the desk and sitting down.

He wondered what he must look like; it had been a while since he had wanted to look into a mirror and witness the dark circles under his eyes and the paleness of his skin that was a direct consequence of not being able to keep much food inside.

“Xue Yang. A-Yang.” The alpha’s voice reverberated in Xue Yang’s head, making him unexpectedly warm and fuzzy. No one had called him A-Yang, ever, and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “I’m Dr. Xiao Xingchen. I own a private clinic in the inner city of Lanling but come here to treat omegas once in two or three weeks. I’m so glad you’re here today.”

Xue Yang nodded mutely. Xiao Xingchen’s voice was clear and extremely soothing. He oozed the confidence of a cultivated and educated alpha who was on the top of the gender ladder, never having to care about anything in his life, free to pursue the career of his wanting, free to choose his mates as he pleased.

Xue Yang felt humiliated. He had always been the lowest of the low, but now, somehow, he was about to become even lower: an overfucked, unmated, penniless omega with a child. A complex mix of emotions brewed under his skin, blinding and sudden, and he clenched his teeth.

“So, A-Yang,” Xiao Xingchen said conversationally, looking at Xue Yang with a kind smile that made Xue Yang’s heart beat a little bit faster despite his shame. “You’ve informed you are with child. Can you tell me more about your situation?”

Xue Yang swallowed once, twice, forcing himself to concentrate. At Jin Corp he had learned that omegas who refused to obey the commands and requests of alphas were always punished.

“Yes. The Jin assholes got me pregnant. I was working for them, their birth control med test program. I don’t know how far I am and I don’t fucking care.” His voice was dull, his fingers digging into his knees.

Xiao Xingchen frowned unhappily. “Oh, A-Yang. Sweetheart. How are you feeling? Any cravings? Nausea?”

Xue Yang shrugged noncommittally. “Yeah. I’m sick all the time. Can’t really eat anything, I just keep throwing up. It’s difficult to work but I’m managing.”

“Mm. Sounds like you’re really having rough time, A-Yang. I’m so sorry to hear that. What do you do for work?” Xiao Zingchen’s voice was so nice, Xue Yang could’ve easily fallen asleep just listening to it. Something about it made him want to be good. Had it been anyone else asking these questions, he would’ve probably bitten them like a mad dog.

“I sell matches,” he answered and the visceral feeling shame left him reeling. The stub of his missing pinky finger throbbed under the leather prosthetic, as if reminding him of all those years on the streets and just how far he had made it.  

Not far at all. Just a small detour only to end up in the same place once more.

Xiao Xingchen frowned again. “A-Yang. That cannot possibly bring you any income. You need money to support your little one.”

Xue Yang growled suddenly, ready to bolt. “Fuck you, doc. You don’t know shit. Don’t worry about me. I’ll find something once I’m able to work again properly.” He wanted to gnash his teeth, or maybe vomit. He had to look away because even looking at Xiao Xingchen, all prim and proper and full of good intentions made him feel like the whore he was. 

He hated it. Hated it.

Xiao Xingchen didn’t push the issue further. Smiling gently at Xue Yang, he continued. “I see. So, A-Yang. Have you had any bloodwork or general checkup done?”

Xue Yang shook his head mutinously, eyes blazing with rage.

“Alright. So, how about I draw some blood, and we’ll analyze the sample at our clinic? Don’t worry, it’s completely free for you. I just want to make sure everything is going well. Also, if you’re okay with it, I’d like to screen for the cultivation-based Trisomies.”

Xue Yang’s eyes flew open. Trisomies. He hadn’t even considered that but now to think of it… Gods only knew what tainted spiritual energy the Jin Corp alphas had circulating in their bodies. 

“I—” he started before snapping his mouth shut. His hands flew to his stomach that was starting to protrude only the slightest bit. Or maybe he was just bloated.

Xiao Xingchen stood up and walked to him, placing his hand on his shoulder. He froze; it felt hot and nice and tingly, the mild scent of him calming him down so much it almost hurt. He didn’t remember when someone had touched him like this, maybe never. The only touches he knew were violent and insistent, rough and ruthless as his pinky finger was mangled, as the Jin Corp shitty alphas plowed his body for release, time after time again until they were spent, until Xue Yang was bruised and sometimes bloody, stuffed full of painful knots—

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Xiao Xingchen said in his calm, soothing tone. “I can see you’re having a rough time. You’re just in your head a bit, aren’t you, A-Yang? Easy. Easy. We’ll just do the necessary tests and make sure that everything is going well, alright?”

Xue Yang felt compelled to nod, had no other option. Somewhere deep down, a part of him wanted to lash out like a scared, feral tabby, but his body refused to move under Xiao Xingchen’s calming touch.

“I would like you to lie down here.” Xiao Xingchen pointed at the sofa that was double-timing as a makeshift examination table. “Make yourself comfortable, alright? I will feel around your womb a little bit.”

Again, Xue Yang nodded and moved as if in a dream, the alpha’s sweet commands taking over his instincts. He lay down uneasily and waited for Xiao Xingchen to follow.

“Hush, sweetheart. Relax.”

Suddenly the air was filled with sweet scent of brisk mountain air and starshine that somehow didn’t make Xue Yang feel like he was going to throw up immediately. He relaxed into the softness of the sofa, let the fatigue and nausea escape his body if only for few minutes.

Xiao Xingchen’s hands lifted the hem of his shirt slightly, feeling around his tummy. “Good, very good, A-Yang. You’re being so good to me. Everything is growing beautifully; I can feel the upper edge of your womb right here.” The alpha’s firm fingers pressed the space between Xue Yang’s pubic bone and navel and he groaned lightly, releasing a whiff of pheromones that screamed unease and panic.

Xiao Xingchen only continued to massage around the area firmly yet gently, pretending not to see how Xue Yang was squirming under his hands. “Shh. It’s alright, sweetheart, everything is okay here. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”

Xue Yang’s heart skipped a beat. “A… heartbeat?”

Xiao Xingchen smiled at him. “Yes. A heartbeat. I have a doppler here with me.”

Xue Yang nodded, suddenly feeling nervous. Up until this point it had been almost easy to pretend he wasn’t pregnant, that his nausea and vomiting all had another cause, maybe some incurable sickness. But now, a possibility to hear the heartbeat? It would make all this so final.

And even worse, what if this was all a joke?

Sorry sweetheart, there’s no heartbeat after all. You’ve been suffering for nothing and now you’re all alone again. Now, get out.

He could almost hear the words already.

Xiao Xingchen returned with a small device and a bottle of gel. It reminded Xue Yang of the Jin Corp -issued bottles of lube and he shuddered, feeling invisible hands all over his body. How many alphas had he had during the med test program? He couldn’t remember, couldn’t keep up with the count. He felt filthy; Xiao Xingchen shouldn’t probably be touching him with his fine hands.

“This is going to feel a bit cool on your skin,” said Xiao Xingchen and pursed some gel onto Xue Yang’s belly. He yelped and the alpha chuckled lightly.

The scent of mountains and stars floated in the air. It reminded Xue Yang of home, and he suddenly wanted to cry. Fucking weird-ass pregnancy hormones. What a fucking awful mess. If he couldn’t take his annoyance out on anyone and just tear someone apart, maybe it would be better if he was dead instead.

Lost in thought, he didn’t pay attention to Xiao Xingchen who was scanning his slick stomach with a tiny stick-like plastic thing, humming quietly. Until—

…baDum-baDum-baDum-baDum-baDum…

Impossibly fast, the sound of a tiny but strong heartbeat filled the air.

Xue Yang’s eyes widened and he almost choked on his words. “Is that…?”

Xiao Xingchen met his eyes, those beautiful, gentle gems boring into his. “Yes. It’s your baby, A-Yang. I know you’ve been having a hard time, but the baby’s is doing well. Splendidly. Such a beautiful heartbeat. You’re such a good boy, A-Yang, carrying this tiny miracle so well.”

An odd sound vibrated in the air together with the steady thumping, and it took Xue Yang a moment to realize he was purring. Mortified, he tried to stop but the sound just kept coming. He couldn’t even remember when the last time had been that he had purred like this. Maybe never, and definitely not since he had arrived at Lanling and forged himself a life as a test subject at Jinlintai.

Xiao Xingchen must find him pathetic. A poor, unmated pregnant omega purring at the slightest kind touch like a touch-starved slut he was, hungry for any scrap of kindness and attention.

But Xiao Xingchen didn’t say anything, only smiled a little. “A-Yang. I’m going to draw a little bit of blood for the prenatal screening now. Do you consent?”

Xue Yang nodded. He would consent; Xiao Xingchen surely knew what was for the best.

“Words, A-Yang,” Xiao Xingchen chided softly.

“I consent,” Xue Yang ground out, half-surprised how easy it was to obey Xiao Xingchen’s every command.

“Thank you.” There was a tiny sting on his arm where a needle pierced his skin, but he focused on the incomprehensible idea of his baby, alive and well inside his filthy body.

“All done,” announced Xiao Xingchen and moved away from the sofa and Xue Yang, leaving only coldness behind. Xue Yang blinked away the warm haze in his head, slowly getting up. His hands were clenched.

“It would be beneficial for you to visit whenever I’m here so that I can monitor your condition.” Xiao Xingchen was looking at him expectantly.

Xue Yang nodded. He could probably do that.

“Do you have a phone? I’ll let you know about the results of the screening when they’re ready.”

Xue Yang nodded and scribbled his number on the offered paper. “Thank you,” he said, getting up and putting on his shoes. “I’ll see you around then, doc. You’ve been very kind.” He flashed a cheeky grin at the alpha and bolted out of the door and into the unforgiving streets of the slums before Xiao Xingchen could say anything else.

When he was sure he had gotten far enough from Frost Shack, he let his grin fade. Pulling few match boxes from his bag, he held those in his hands, trying to offer them to the passing people. Only few paid him any attention and he felt the all-too-familiar feeling of nausea rise in him again, the all-encompassing need to lie down and just throw up. But he trudged on, unsteady on his feet, the thought of his baby’s heartbeat keeping him company in the cold autumn air when there was no one else.

A week passed by and, to Xue Yang’s devastation, every day was as horrible as the one before. There was simply no end in sight for his nausea. His landlady tried to cheer him up, telling him that all those early pregnancy symptoms would normally pass after week 12.

It soon became week 15 and surely, they would pass by week 21.

Xue Yang had no idea what week he was on, but the nausea and vomiting persisted. It was difficult to get any work done. Instead of walking around like he used to do to maximize his meagre sales, he had decided to sacrifice the only soft and comfortable blanket in his barren nest to use as an undersheet while sitting on the dirty ground, desperately trying to sell his matches.

“Matches! 5 yuan!” he shouted, but often to no avail. Absolutely no one was interested in his matches or him, for that matter. He had never felt so alone in his life, not even as a street rat kid.

Every day he had to tell himself that life was still worth living, that there was at least someone who needed him to be here. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more the idea of having a child seemed to stick to his very core, a strange sort of possessiveness boiling in his heart. He only had his idea of revenge, and now his child: his two most precious things, the only things that made life worthwhile.

Come what may, he wasn’t going to give those up.

One day, around two weeks after having met Dr. Xingchen, Xue Yang’s phone rang as he was sitting at a street corner, having just retched viciously. He coughed as he fumbled for it, having buried it somewhere in his bag.

“Hello.”

“Hi, A-Yang. It’s Xingchen.”

Xue Yang’s sorry omega heart slammed against his ribcage. “Hi, doc,” he mumbled, hastily trying to muster up some enthusiasm into his voice.

Xiao Xingchen sighed audibly and his voice was solemn as he spoke. “I’m calling you about the results of your prenatal screening. A-Yang, you need to pay attention now: the markers for cultivation-based Trisomy-33 and -46 are elevated.”

Xue Yang’s mind went blank. What the fuck? What was Xiao Xingchen saying? Elevated markers for multiple Trisomies? He couldn’t understand.

This must be a joke, some ugly final parting gift from Jin Guangyao himself, that fucking creep.

“What?” he whispered, desperate, clutching at the phone.

“I’m so sorry, A-Yang. The odds for your baby having Trisomy-33 are 1/9 and for Trisomy-46 they are 1/13.”

Xue Yang couldn’t say anything as the world around him shifted, no longer supporting his weight. There were no thoughts in his mind, all he could do was to stare at the bustling streets of the slums in front of him with a stunned, utterly hopeless look in his eyes.

All around him, people were laughing and going about their business despite their tough life in the slums. And then there was Xue Yang, whose torment seemed never-ending.

His cell phone fell from his hands without him even noticing as hot tears welled up in his eyes.

He felt wronged.

Trisomy-33 and -46.

Xue Yang wasn’t very knowledgeable about the particularities of prenatal screenings and congenital anomalies in general, much less cultivation-based. However, even he knew that if the baby had either one of the Trisomies, there was zero change for it to survive. He had heard about it from the other omegas at Jinlintai, hushed whispers about what it meant for them to get pregnant.

With Trisomy-33 the babies normally died only hours after birth—if they even lived up to that point—whereas the latter could gift them few previous weeks until they finally succumbed to their anomaly.

Elevated odds.

Risk pregnancy.

Xue Yang threw up until his belly was empty. He wasn’t feeling good at all, fat tears now falling from his eyes as he clutched at his belly. Just this week he thought it had started to get only the slightest bit rounder. He thought about the heartbeat of his baby and started to cry even harder, blindly gathering his stuff and his cell phone before scrambling back to his apartment. The stench of an omega in distress followed him like he was rotting inside.

Inside his apartment he cried and cried until his heart was bleeding and his eyes were red, puffy and sore. His baby. His little baby. He hadn’t even wanted it, had only gotten used to the idea of actually having it, and now there was a chance that even this small sliver of joy would be taken away from him?

He couldn’t think of anything else as he screamed and raged.

Days passed in haze. Xue Yang could barely drag his body out of his apartment, too stricken with gloomy thoughts and hard grief. Rolling waves of nausea kept him company and he felt shitty and miserable. He didn’t even have any energy for his anger, and even the memory of his baby’s heartbeat had stopped bringing him comfort.

Instead, he was trying to distance himself from that tiny being inside him; that potentially crippled sick thing that would die soon after birth and leave Xue Yang all alone again after all the pains of bringing it to the world.

He had told his landlady about the results, and she had tried to cheer him up, told him there was ‘a good chance’ that the baby would be healthy after all. Little did she know that good things never happened to Xue Yang. Xue Yang didn’t deserve good things, nice things, joy and happiness. He was tainted and penniless street urchin, a cripple who had, for a moment, thought that even his life could have a greater meaning.

Autumn progressed and the air of the slums got increasingly colder. Every exhale left a cloud of cool mist lingering in the air, but Xue Yang could barely feel the chill. He vaguely registered that Xiao Xingchen’s appointment date had long passed and that he had missed it.

But what was there to discuss about his pregnancy anyway?

He looked down at his lightly protruding belly under his clothes. It was cold, people passed him by, giving him sorry looks and shaking their heads. No one needed matches.

A wave of nausea rose in him and he knew he needed to vomit immediately. He was barely able to make it away from his precious blanket until he heaved heavily, throwing up yellow bile and drool and the empty contents of his stomach next to a shabby house.

“What the fuck are you doing?” A blond head appeared on the window and shouted with a livid voice. “Get the fuck lost already, you piece of sick filth!”

Not able to stand because of the nausea, Xue Yang crawled away from the spot he had been vacating, dragging his important blanket with him like it was his lifeline. No one paid him any attention.

If he had had more energy, he would have fucking killed them all, maybe set the streets on fire with his stupid, good-for-nothing matches.

Utterly alone, Xue Yang found a place next to another house on a street that wasn’t so busy. He took one of his matchboxes and opened it, taking out a match. He lit it with a quick movement of his trembling fingers, looking at the flickering light with dark eyes, trying to absorb some of its warmth. But soon enough the fire was gone and Xue Yang frowned. He took another one of his matches, lit it and watched it burn.

Without realizing it, he had gone through the whole matchbox up until the very last match, the light of which was now flickering in front of his eyes, soon to disappear together with all his hope for a better tomorrow and a healthy baby.

“Xue Yang?!”

Blearily he looked up from his match, barely seeing the final flicker before it died. Still clutching the empty matchbox in his hand—that was 5 yuan that had just disappeared into the air—he met the concerned gaze of Xiao Xingchen, as stunning and lovely as always.

“Doc,” he rasped. His head was swimming with confusion. What was the doctor doing here? It certainly wasn’t his appointment day so he shouldn’t even be in the slums. But he smelled so nice, like the best of Kuizhou mountains, fresh and lovely and full of sunshine.

“A-Yang, sweetheart. What are you doing? You look terrible.” Xiao Xingchen was looking at him, eyes clouded with worry although Xue Yang had no idea why.

“Just selling my matches,” he shrugged, voice scratchy from nonuse and throwing up. His throat was raw and his mouth tasted like shit. Stupid pregnancy. Stupid baby. His stupid life. He should never have come to Lanling. He should have stayed in some backwater village instead, somewhere where male omegas were mostly just ignored because no one had adequate resources to operate on pregnant male omegas who couldn’t give birth otherwise.

Xiao Xingchen’s gaze was soft and compassionate when he reached out a hand to Xue Yang. “Come on, A-Yang. We should get you cleaned up and then put some food in you. I would also like to examine you again.”

Xue Yang struggled to get on his feet but finally managed. His stance was wobbly as he bowed down to pick up his blanket from the ground.

“Why are you here, doc?” he asked.

Xiao Xingchen smiled but it looked pinched. “Would you believe me if I said I was worried about you, A-Yang? When I called you about the results of your bloodwork and you hang up, and when you didn’t show up for the appointment… I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

Xue Yang nodded but didn’t feel entirely convinced. “And what’s in it for you? Winning the best cultivation doctor in Lanling award or something?”

He knew he was being horrible. Finally, there was someone who at least pretended to care about him and his wellbeing, and he couldn’t be nice for two words, instead lashing out like a wounded animal

Xiao Xingchen shook his head. “Do I need a reason other than that I wanted to? What if it was that simple?”

Xue Yang didn’t reply. With tired steps he started to walk towards his cramped room, the alpha’s lovely scent soothing his frayed nerves and tired body. Xiao Xingchen, too, was silent, observing Xue Yang closely. He looked too brilliant, shining and pretty, like a prime alpha who didn’t belong to the slums. Heads turned as he walked, and when people recognized him, they smiled and waved, greeting him with hopeful looks.

No one paid any attention to Xue Yang. He could have been air for all it mattered.

Once they arrived at Xue Yang’s room, he tried to send Xiao Xingchen away. Yes, he would shower, rest and try to eat something. Blah blah blah.

Xiao Xingchen, however, was having none of that. He pushed Xue Yang inside sternly and followed suit, leaving his off-white, woolen coat hanging by the door. Xue Yang saw how he scrunched his nose a bit and immediately realized why.

The whole room reeked the putrid smell of a distressed omega.

“I—” Xue Yang started but was immediately silenced by a strong hand on his neck, fingers pressing into his scent glands and making his body go blissfully limp in Xiao Xingchen’s grasp.

Had the doctor just… scruffed him?

Xue Yang growled.

“Hush,” said Xiao Xingchen with a sweet, compelling voice thundering somewhere above him. “You don’t need to explain anything, A-Yang. You’ve had a rough time, you poor little thing. Why don’t we get you cleaned first? Then I will examine you and we can talk.”

Xue Yang only hung in there limply, too shocked to even protest when Xiao Xingchen started to undress him. When his hands were on the waistband of his trousers, the button of which he couldn’t close anymore, he briefly brushed Xue Yang’s tiny bump with his fingertips, very lightly and very gently. Xue Yang felt some of the putridity in the air vanishing, replaced by something that wasn’t quite his own scent, yet immensely better than that awful, distressed smell.

Xiao Xingchen led him to the tiny metallic bathroom that reminded him of a butcherhouse. Xue Yang let him, weeks of nausea having left him weak and, to be frank, craving even a bit of human touch. And when Xiao Xingchen slowly washed his back, he didn’t protest, all but melting into the touch, although he demanded to wash his bump and his genitals himself.

After showering he returned to his living-sleeping space. Xiao Xingchen was waiting for him with a thermos full of something in his hand. He signaled Xue Yang to sit at the table.

“Eat. It’s chicken congee. You need the energy, A-Yang.”

Xue Yang sat down and took the offered spoon and the thermos. The congee smelled good, better than he had expected when all smells just tended to trigger his nausea. And the taste was if not divine, at least close. Had he really cooked this for Xue Yang? Just for him?

He ate while feeling Xiao Xingchen’s eyes on him.

“How have you been, Xue Yang?” asked the handsome alpha.

“Shitty,” murmured Xue Yang truthfully, looking down at the now empty thermos. It had been too good, a treat that made his belly warm and content for the first time in ages.

“I know the results of the bloodwork and screening must have come as a shock to you,” said Xiao Xingchen, looking at Xue Yang.

As soon as the topic of Xue Yang’s baby’s possible condition was brought up, Xue Yang could feel the air get heavy with the unattractive scent of his grief. He turned his head away and refused to meet Xiao Xingchen’s eyes. The thought of likely losing his baby was too raw, too ugly.

“It is a shock to hear that, A-Yang. However, I want you to believe me when I say this: I’ve seen omegas with worse odds than you who have still delivered healthy babies. I know you must be panicking, but we simply cannot know yet. There is a big chance everything will turn out fine.”

Xue Yang nodded faintly. The congee was a nice, warm pressure in his stomach, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had been able to eat that much without instantly throwing up. Hell, he couldn’t even remember when he had eaten any proper food.

“But what if the baby is ill after all? And I… what do I do if it dies?” His voice was hollow as the words tumbled from his lips.

“Xue Yang, look at me.” Xiao Xingchen’s voice was grounding and he smelled nice, so nice. “There is nothing I can do about nature except for let it take its course. What I can do, however, is to offer a basic scan. The portable device I use for that isn’t as precise as what we have at the clinic, but if it would suffice, I would encourage you to continue attending your appointments.”

Xue Yang wiped his eyes and nodded hesitantly, mouth quivering. Xiao Xingchen smiled at him warmly.

“Now, if you’re done eating, would you lie on the bed and let me do a brief check-up?”

Xue Yang nodded again, as if he had any power over his body anymore. His heavy legs took him to the bed, where he lay down and stared at the ceiling with the beginnings of water damage on one corner.

How familiar it was these days.

Xiao Xingchen moved to stand next to him and looked directly into Xue Yang’s eyes as he pulled down Xue Yang’s joggers, the only piece of clothing that could accommodate his growing belly well. His hands were gentle and somehow it made Xue Yang even sadder, angrier.

He had never had gentleness in his life. It was so unfair that the only person to treat him kindly was his doctor and nothing more.

“Now, A-Yang, I’m going to feel around a bit here. Nothing to worry about, alright? Just tell me if it feels weird.”

With those words Xiao Xingchen started to palpate Xue Yang’s belly, all beautiful, confident, strong movements that made Xue Yang’s skin warm up nicely.

“Good boy,” Xiao Xingchen purred, his hands still on Xue Yang’s stomach. “You’re doing so well. Shh, see, here.” Xiao Xingchen pushed his hands into the skin directly under his navel. “This is your symphysis. You’re about halfway through your pregnancy, A-Yang. Imagine, a spring baby.”

Xue Yang stared at Xiao Xingchen. Already halfway through? He seemed to have lost track of time.

“My landlady said the vomiting would stop. Will it? It fucking sucks.”

Xiao Xingchen’s hand soothed his forehead, a steady touch of a confident alpha. “Unfortunately, I cannot say. It always depends on the omega.”

Xue Yang nodded. Of course. He was freefalling into a bubble of anxiety when he suddenly felt something tickle his belly.

From the inside.

“Fuck,” he choked, eyes wide. It couldn’t be.

“Is something wrong?” Xiao Xingchen’s voice was instantly filled with worry, which itself was… peculiar. Xue Yang was nothing to him.

Xue Yang shook his head vigorously. “No. It’s the… it’s the baby. I felt… for the first time.”

Xiao Xingchen’s mouth formed a very cute ‘o’ as he looked down on Xue Yang’s belly, eyes soft and fond. “See,” he whispered, “everything will be fine.”

Xue Yang nodded, staring at where Xiao Xingchen was still touching him, still feeling the tiniest of tickling touches inside his womb.

Something in him shattered a bit at the sight and he had to remind himself not to take professional kindness for actual care. Xiao Xingchen was his doctor, nothing more. He wouldn’t sully his hands with the likes of Xue Yang if it wasn’t for work. But being there, just the two of them in complete silence as if listening to the baby inside the belly, it was so very easy to pretend.

A few weeks passed by uneventfully. Xue Yang’s moods didn’t improve, but the tiny kicks of the baby kept him somewhat sane despite his nausea truly doing its best to drive him insane. 

Xiao Xingchen had made him promise that he would attend his planned biweekly appointments to monitor the growth of his baby. It seemed that the Trisomy news had been just a scare, but of course only giving birth would yield the final results.

During the appointments, the alpha would often have some tiny treats to offer Xue Yang after they were done—a small, sweet bun, a piece of hard, juicy candy or maybe some fresh fruit from the markets of Lanling. Sometimes there was congee in a thermos or another hearty meal for him to consume.

It always felt like Xiao Xingchen was making all this effort specifically for him, although Xue Yang realized how absolutely ridiculous the thought was. Regardless, he dutifully ate everything he was offered, refusing to deny himself free food. He was too tired and penniless to argue otherwise. His matches didn’t sell and he spent most of his days inside his tiny room, feeling sick and lonely and hopeless, the weight of the world and his future heavy on his shoulders.

Not having much to do, the details of his time in the Jin Corp omega program raced through his mind, over and over again. The medical procedures during which he was poked and probed mercilessly, all those humiliating gynecological examinations to evaluate his value as an omega a fresh memory on his mind.

His feet twitched, the phantom feeling of stirrups digging into his soles re-emerging from the depths of his bodily memory.

But, of course, it wasn't only the doctors. No. He remembered all those faceless alphas, some of which treated him with fake kindness, others who didn’t even bother. He remembered that feeling of immense pride when he checked the balance of his bank account on his first payday. He was being useful, making a momentous change for science.

Why was it that he had ended up with nothing?

One day between the appointments Xue Yang's phone rang. He already knew it was Xiao Xingchen because there was no one else who would be calling him. He had no friends, no relatives, no neighbors in need. His landlady could reach him just by knocking on the door. 

“Hello,” he answered tentatively. 

“Hi, A-Yang,” echoed Xiao Xingchen’s deep voice in his ear. “How have you been feeling?”

“Terrible,” Xue Yang admitted truthfully.

Xiao Xingchen sighed. “I’m sorry there’s nothing I can do. I could try some talismans and spells, but with the high risk of Trisomies… I wouldn’t want to accelerate anything.”

“It’s not your fault,” Xue Yang answered stiffly. A momentary silence lingered in the vast space between them.

“Anyway,” Xiao Xingchen continued, sounding like he wished to placate Xue Yang. “I'm calling because there is something I'd like to do. With your consent, of course." 

"And what's that?" Xue Yang was dimly aware that he sounded prickly like a hedgehog. He just really didn't like the sound of this. 

Xiao Xingchen sighed, as if sensing Xue Yang's unease. "I need to test your glucose levels, A-Yang.”

Xue Yang frowned even though the alpha couldn’t see it. “Glucose? Why?" Then he realized what the doctor meant, having heard omegas in Jinlintai sometimes talk about it. "Ah. You mean… for gestational diabetes?”

“Yes," the alpha said in affirmation. "I'm sorry but those are the new guidelines. Previously only the omegas past the age of thirty or with hereditary predisposition needed to be tested. However, according to the new guidelines, everyone should undergo the oral glucose tolerance test.”

“Oh.” Xue Yang didn’t really want to undergo any more tests. “Do I really have to? I've gotten this far already.” He was pleading; he knew it but couldn't stop himself. The test would be wasted on him, better use it for some rich asshole in inner Lanling.

“Well. Obviously, I cannot force you. However, it would be for the sake of the baby.”

“Of course,” Xue Yang admitted, snorting. “Of course it is. So how does it work?”

Xiao Xingchen hummed. “You need to fast overnight, after which we’ll take a blood sample to check your fasting blood sugar. Then you’ll drink a cup of sweet liquid with glucose, and we’ll just draw more blood samples at certain intervals. That’s it.”

Xue Yang was doubtful. “That’s it?” It didn't sound... too bad. 

“Yes. That’s it. In ideal conditions we should have tested this already somewhere around week 13 for the first time, but better late than never.” Xiao Xingchen seemed to hesitate before speaking up again. "I simply couldn't ask you before because of your hyperemesis."

“I see.” To be frank, both fasting and the drinking of something that sweet sounded like hell to Xue Yang. His stomach rolled at the mere thought. “So. When do I have to do this?”

“As soon as possible,” Xiao Xingchen said, his voice tinny. “Even though I’m not there all the time, I have administrated on-the-go test kits for the local nurses. I can book you a time slot say… the day after tomorrow?”

Xue Yang stayed silent. He really didn’t want to do this. He really didn’t, but... “Perfect,” he croaked. “What time?”

“7am,” Xiao Xingchen noted and Xue Yang heard a relieved smile in his voice. “I’m sure you don’t want to fast any longer.”

That made sense. He definitely didn’t want to fast any longer. It was paradoxical, really, that his body did its absolute best to keep his stomach empty even though at the same time an empty stomach tended to multiply his nausea thousandfold.

“Thank you,” he uttered. “Same place?”

“Yes,” Xiao Xingchen said. “You’re doing so well, A-Yang, such a sweet, perfect omega. You can do this—it’s for the good of the baby.”

"Right." Xue Yang promptly hung up.

He dragged himself to his bed, plopping on it unceremoniously and wondering how he would survive through all this. The baby moved lightly, gifting him with a tiny tickling kick somewhere around his navel.

Placing his hand on his bump, Xue Yang inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. 

The glucose tolerance test was every bit as awful as Xue Yang had expected. The moment he stepped into the room, he had his blood drawn from his fingertip, after which he was forced to drink way too much of the horrible glucose drink.

It took him all of three minutes to run outside and throw up absolutely everything, the sweet glucose turning his tormented insides inside out. Heaving heavily, he retched and retched, transparent thick liquid splattering on the dirty street. People were looking at him, casting pitiful looks and shaking their heads. A junkie, a drunkard, what the fuck is wrong with him—he could hear it all through his vomiting.

He had never felt as humiliated as now, probably not even on the day that he was kicked out of the med test program. To be called a junkie in the slums? Xue Yang felt like his pride had been dragged out of his body and burnt at the stake, nothing but ashes left behind. 

Kill them, kill them all, rip their throats and slash their bellies and—

He puked again.

After his body had calmed down, he slowly made his way inside, only to be faced with the disappointed look on the nurse’s face.

“Sorry,” Xue Yang drawled. “Couldn’t keep it in.”

The nurse just stared at him and finally sighed. “I see.”

Desperation hit Xue Yang, then. “When will this stop? Please, will this ever stop? I wanna die.”

The expression on the nurse’s face turned from stern to sympathetic. “I’m sorry Xiao Xue. Hyperemesis gravidarum is one of the toughest conditions during pregnancy for an omega, even though it's generally not considered dangerous for the baby.”

“And what conditions are dangerous for the baby, then?”

The nurse hummed. “Gestational diabetes. Pre-eclampsia. Intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy. To mention few.”

Swallowing hard, Xue Yang stared at the nurse. “Does the… baby die?”

The nurse shrugged. “With the most serious complications that can indeed be the case. There are also some placental complications, the most serious of which is placental abruption. In severe cases there are only minutes to save the baby.”

Xue Yang felt sick. Why had he asked about all this in the first place? He didn't really care to know all that could go wrong.

“I… I don’t,” he muttered, turning his head down to stare at his feet. He needed new shoes, that much was obvious.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Xiao Xue. But it’s good to know about the possibilities. In fact, you should include a biweekly urine sample in your appointments with Dr. Xiao. We can screen for pre-eclampsia by checking if there's any protein in your urine.”

Xue Yang sniffled. How humiliating.

Despite having made his living by being a test subject, he had never felt as much like a test subject as now. It was like his body was nothing but a container for the growing baby. Being poked and prodded, interrogated and forced to give all these samples while constantly throwing up and being afraid that the baby wouldn’t even live…

He really didn’t feel like a human being anymore. Just a test subject. An empty shell.

“Of course,” he said mechanically. His scent soured beyond recognition. 

The nurse smiled, ignoring the spike in his unhappy scent. “Well, good. We’ll analyze the first blood sample soon and let you know about the results as soon as possible. I’ll see you later for the urine sample, then.”

Xue Yang left, feeling dejected. It was still early and the slums were waking up. He looked as people busied themselves with the new day, visiting the stalls on the streets that sold instant coffee and homemade treats. Oh, how he wished that he would have some money to spend on something nice, too. A cup of good coffee, a freshly baked bun. Something, anything. 

But of course, he had nothing. If something, he would need to find new clothes soon. Despite being stretchy, his shirts and pants were simply unable to accommodate his growing bump any longer. He sighed, trudging on. Yet another thing he should probably consider.

But while he was out and about, he might as well try to be useful.

"Matches! Anyone need matches?" Pulling a pouch of matches from his bag he made his way back home, trying not to throw up. 

A few hours later he got a phone call from Xiao Xingchen. He had been expecting the nurse to call him, so he immediately felt punched out of breath upon seeing the alpha’s name flash on the screen.

Something had to be wrong if Xiao Xingchen himself called him.

“Hi,” Xue Yang said awkwardly, bitterly. “What is it?”

The alpha on the other end sighed. “A-Yang. Your fasting blood sugar levels were high. Not much but it doesn’t make a difference, really. It’s—”

“Gestational diabetes, yeah, yeah.” The phone fell to the floor from Xue Yang’s numb fingers, his mind swinging from disbelief to utter rage, from shame to worry. He could distantly hear Xiao Xingchen call out his name but paid no attention.

He couldn’t fucking believe this. Was there anything his body could do right? Such a fucking rotten, useless body: first losing a pinky to that evil nasty fucker Chang Cian, then refusing to cultivate a golden core, then getting pregnant when it wasn’t supposed to, and finally putting him through these fucking pains while toying with the idea that his baby wasn’t healthy.

And now this? He couldn’t even fucking eat and yet he had gestational diabetes. What a fucking joke.

An ugly, wrecked sob made its way out of his mouth. He barely managed to stop himself from throwing his phone on the wall and screaming aloud. Glancing down at his bump, he felt nothing but disappointed rage, targeted at himself.

“Xue Yang? Are you alright?” Xiao Xingchen’s voice was full of concern. “You have to answer me, or I’ll have to come there.”

“What?” Xue Yang barked, crouching down to pick up his phone and bringing it to his ear. “What else do you have to say? Isn’t this enough already?” He found himself crying for the second time today, angry tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Xue Yang. I know you must be shocked—”

He actually howled. “It’s so fucking unfair!”

Walking to the mirror he stared at himself—eyes wild and red from all the crying, face blotched and hideous. His pregnancy glow seemed to be that of tears and puke. 

“It is,” Xiao Xingchen said resolutely, his voice steady and calm. Xue Yang hated him for a bit. “How about I come down there tonight and we can go over the basics of the gestational diabetes diet together?”

“Diet?” barked Xue Yang and bared his teeth to his mirror image. “I have no money. How do you think I’ll be able to stick to a fucking diet, you shitty doc? And I’ll just throw up everything anyway.” His voice fell to a whisper, all the anger suddenly bleeding out of his body. “How can you expect me to handle this when I literally have nothing?”

He slumped to the floor, arms wrapped around his knees. He didn’t want to talk to Xiao Xingchen anymore; he was just too exhausted about the way his body had decided to betray him in every way imaginable.

Distantly, he heard Xiao Xingchen’s voice on the phone but refused to acknowledge it any further. He should just smash the fucking phone and disappear.

This time, when the baby abruptly rolled in his belly, he didn’t feel better at all. 

The diet was pure misery. First, he didn’t have much to begin with. Second, whatever little he had had to contain protein and good fats. Carbohydrates to some extent, but only a little. No sweets, no sweet drinks that he had somehow managed to keep inside despite his nausea.

Xiao Xingchen had supplied him with blood glucose test strips, but that didn’t make him feel any better. He had to measure his blood sugar levels five times a day, spending his time feeling utterly betrayed by his body. He soon found out that if he avoided almost all carbohydrates, he was able to keep his blood sugar levels fairly alright during the day.

Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for his nighttime blood sugars. He tried everything but woke up each morning with levels that were too high. Eventually, he dragged his weary, aching body to meet Xiao Xingchen during his appointment hours.

“It’s the dawn phenomenon,” Xiao Xingchen explained, routinely palpating Xue Yang’s belly at the same time. “Everyone has a rise in their blood sugars in the early hours of the dawn. It’s just that if your body isn’t dealing with it correctly, it can lead to hyperglycemia and a larger baby.”

There was a sinking feeling in the pit of Xue Yang’s belly. “Of course,” he ground out. “How do I manage it?”

Xiao Xingchen sighed and reached out with one hand to stroke his cheek. “Insulin.”

Xue Yang opened his mouth to answer but no words came out. He needed… insulin?

He had no fucking money for insulin.

An ugly growl tore itself free from his mouth. “Is this a joke?” he whispered, eyes red-rimmed and wet. “I can’t afford it.”

Xiao Xingchen kept stroking his cheek, his hair, rubbing his scent glands. “Don’t worry about it, A-Yang. I can supply you with injectors. If everything goes well, you’ll be fine with a small dose, six to ten units a night.”

“And if I refuse?” Xue Yang snarled.

Sighing, Xiao Xingchen removed his hand and why wouldn’t he? Xue Yang was dirty, after all.

“It’s not good for the baby nor for you. I will worry.”

“Who cares,” Xue Yang groused, vaguely nauseous. “It’s my body.”

“But it’s not only yours, now,” Xiao Xingchen added, a bit too gentle, a bit too understanding, swiveling away with his chair. “And didn’t you hear me, A-Yang? I would worry. For you.”

“Fuck off,” Xue Yang blurted, confused. “My baby’s going to be piss poor from the start, better get used to not getting anything you need.” He struggled to get up, groaning as he felt a sharp sting of pain in his groin.

“Xue Yang,” Xiao Xingchen started.

“Don’t patronize me!”

It was all too much. His cheeks were wet as he dashed out of the appointment room, lungs burning from the strain his bump was already putting on him. So what if he didn’t have any money for insulin? So what if his baby is born into poverty?

The nurse yelled after him, but Xue Yang didn’t stop, disappearing into the dirty, dusty streets of the slums.

The insulin injection pens arrived the next day, delivered directly to his doorstep. Xue Yang, feeling sick and terrible and betrayed, sold a few on the streets for extra money, keeping the rest, eyeing them spitefully.

He caved in a week later when his morning blood sugars had clearly started creeping up despite his strict, tasteless diabetes diet. Despite what he was saying, he wasn’t actually going to risk the baby. It was his, his own, the only thing in this world that truly mattered to him.

That night, he re-read the text from Xiao Xingchen he had done his best to ignore: A-Yang. Start with six units and see how it goes. Raise the dose by two, if needed.

Xue Yang did as he was told but it was obvious that six units weren’t enough. Slowly he increased the dosage, first to eight units, then ten, poking his thigh full of tiny holes to inject the medicine. The reward was immediate: his morning blood sugars leveled off.  

His bump was also growing at a spectacular speed and moving became heavier, clumsier. He started to waddle, cursing himself to the lowest levels of hell and, for once, thanking his miserable life in the slums for the fact that no one he knew had to witness the humiliating sight.

However, there were perks, too. The nausea finally abated, leaving behind a peculiarly light feeling despite all his swollen limbs and painful heartburn that scorched his chest. He still threw up every once in a while, quite unexpectedly, but he found himself being able to get out and try to make a living once more, even if it was for a few weeks.

Xue Yang hadn’t seen Xiao Xingchen since the case with the insulin, but he had started replying to the alpha’s texts—which had never ceased—eventually swallowing down his shame and asking the alpha to send him some craft paper and ink for making talismans. His own texts were short as he sullenly promised to pay Xiao Xingchen back, only to receive a reply in the form of a horde of blushing-smiling-blinking emojis.

The simple fire talismans he managed to craft earned him much more than the matches, and even though it still wasn’t much, at least he knew he had just enough to purchase food instead of constantly having none to too little. His moods became brighter, more manageable, and he even agreed to start attending his checkups once more.

The first time he met Xiao Xingchen after spiraling and crawling his way back up made him feel things.

“Yo,” he greeted him, smirking and heaving as he waddled inside the makeshift appointment space.

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes lit up, and he let out a small huff of a breath, looking relieved and as if he was happy, overjoyed even, to see Xue Yang. “A-Yang,” he breathed, smiling like Xue Yang had hung the moons.

Xue Yang wasn’t quite sure what to do with any of it. Not being able to afford any scent blockers, he couldn’t quite hide the whiff of delight and deep satisfaction that tinged his scent.

They first checked Xue Yang’s urine sample for any anomalies and found none, then listened to the baby’s heartbeat, energetic, beautiful, strong. Finally, they just talked about this and that while Xiao Xingchen caressed Xue Yang’s bump, his face, his hair, and Xue Yang found himself lulled into a warm sense of stability that was both dangerous and tempting.

“Doc, don’t you have anyone else here today,” Xue Yang inquired lazily, lying on his side, Xiao Xingchen’s hand a solid weight against his bump.

“Ah. It seems not? This is an extra shift,” the alpha replied, cheeks tinted red, not quite meeting Xue Yang’s eyes.

“Well.” Xue Yang rolled his eyes. “Xingchen-ge’s missing out good earnings in inner Lanling, having decided to spend his time here with worthless street rats. You should prioritize your business better.”

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened impossibly, maybe from the shock of being called Xingchen-ge, maybe from being admonished by the said street rat. He gave Xue Yang a lopsided smile. “A-Yang shouldn’t worry. I’m pretty sure I’ve got my priorities in check.”

The baby rolled and kicked Xue Yang’s belly just then, and for a few heartbeats it looked like there was a crazy ass yaoguai was writhing inside his body. Xue Yang shrugged, staring at his shaking bump curiously. His, his, his. That thing inside was his, something in this world that was only his. “Whatever gege says.”

Humming, Xiao Xingchen tapped the spot where the baby was kicking. “Have you thought about how you would want to give birth?”

Xue Yang almost choked on his spit. “No. The slums are supposed to have a clinic to operate male omegas. I’ll just… go there? I hear they operate you and make you go home immediately after to cut the costs. Which is fine, I can manage.”

He wasn’t looking forward to the pain of literally being cut open, but since he was a man and an omega, there was little anyone could do. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t felt pain in his life before, no.

Xue Yang was a pro in pain management and disassociation.

A hand touched his face and Xue Yang startled. Xiao Xingchen was looking at him with a deep frown etched on his face, pretty eyes glimmering with disapproval. “I don’t feel good about letting you do that, A-Yang,” he noted slowly, pronouncing every word very carefully as if to make a point.

“Well. What a good thing it’s my baby and not yours,” Xue Yang said peevishly. “The talismans are selling alright but it’s not like I have money for anything fancy. I should be glad if I survive giving birth.” His belly tied itself into a knot as he continued, “and it’s not as if I know if the baby’s even healthy.”

Xiao Xingchen sighed, taking Xue Yang’s hands into his own and squeezing. Anger filtered out of Xue Yang; there was something about Xiao Xingchen’s scent that made Xue Yang stupefied, completely mollified.

“A-Yang. I have a suggestion, but you must promise me not to freak out.”

“Hn?” His head was blurry with Xiao Xingcheng.

The alpha smiled briefly. “Come to inner Lanling to give birth. Come to my clinic. I’ll have my best surgeon deliver the baby. You’ll both be safe and looked after.”

Xue Yang jolted, trying to pull his hands away, but the alpha’s grip was steely. He sneered, baring his teeth. “Why would I do that? Xingchen-ge’s so wise, coming up with this idea. Did you not hear me, or did you not understand? I don’t have the money!”

He finally managed to wrench his hands away from Xiao Xingchen’s hold, heaving as he tried to get up. Stupid fucking bump!

“Wait, A-Yang. You’re not listening.”

Xue Yang was so mad. He flipped Xiao Xingchen a finger, groaning as the baby kicked him in the ribs in revenge. “Traitor,” he whispered, offended.

Xiao Xingchen laughed, small and bright, like pearl-bells jingling in the air. “Oh, A-Yang. You’re so…”

“Annoying?” Xue Yang said, mouth twitching unhappily.

“Precious.”

Xue Yang blinked. Staring at the alpha’s pretty, earnest face he suddenly felt nauseous. Whether it was pregnancy or heartburn or something else—like feelings—he couldn’t say.

“You’re so precious. That’s what you are,” Xiao Xingchen repeated, tipping his head. “Give birth at my clinic. I want you to, I want—I want to make sure you’re properly cared for, that you’ll heal properly, that there are no complications. It’s a gift.”

“Why—” Xue Yang swallowed around the thickness in his throat. “Why would you do that?”

I’m nobody. Worthless trash.

“Because it’s within my power to do so,” Xiao Xingchen said simply. “And because you, A-Yang, deserve good things.”

Xue Yang nodded dumbly and promptly turned on his heels, stomping out. There was too much to unpack about the whole situation and, based on the way his treacherous heart kept fluttering, it was better that he took a bit of a break from Dr. Xiao Xingchen.

Giving birth via C-Section was a surprisingly anticlimactic matter.

Xue Yang arrived at Xiao Xingchen’s clinic the previous night, got a room, made himself as comfortable as he could with his swollen, itching limbs, and was promptly told not to eat anything. The beta nurse gave him an apologetic look, explaining that the drinks they normally gave for prepping would mess up his blood sugars.

“Thank fuck I don’t need to think about those after tomorrow,” Xue Yang blurted and the beta laughed politely, mumbling something about the how they would need to continue monitoring his blood sugars even after the delivery to make sure they were leveling out properly.

Xue Yang ignored him.

The operation was scheduled for the next morning, and it was over soon. The spinal tap hurt, followed by a blissful feeling on heavy nothingness. When the surgeon—Xue Yang couldn’t remember her name—cut through the layers of his skin, muscle and uterine walls, feeling around for the baby, he threw up empathetically as if it was pushed out of him from the inside.

He stared at the wall groggily as the surgeon rummaged inside his belly, tugging and pulling and yeah, it really was the strangest sensation.

He giggled a bit because—yeah.

Then he threw up again, not even feeling sorry for the nurse with the vomit bag duty.

And then, a cry.

A newborn baby’s weak cry rang in the air and before he could do anything at all, the nurses had already brought the baby to lie on his bare chest, all red and wrinkly and covered in odd, whiteish stuff.

It was his. His baby.

His.

Xue Yang wasn’t alone anymore.

“Is it sick?” he croaked, eyes burning.

“You mean the Trisomies? There are no signs of anything wrong. She looks like a perfectly healthy baby girl,” said the doctor, a smile in her voice. “I’m going to close you up now. Because of your gestational diabetes, I’m going to put a negative pressure wound therapy device on the wound to make sure it doesn’t get infected. The cord will be hanging loose, don’t be surprised. And, congratulations.”

Xue Yang nodded, closed his eyes and drifted off with his baby daughter on his chest, feeling like his life was about to change once and for all. He only hoped it was for the better.

While the delivery had been surprisingly easy and painless, the recovery was painful and slow. The second day was, by far, the worst. He couldn’t sit, he couldn’t stand. The only thing he could do was to whine and writhe and wait for the next dose of painkillers.

Xiao Xingchen spent so much time by his side that Xue Yang was getting itchy, too. “Don’t you have other patients?” he barked, the baby sleeping peacefully on his chest in skin-to-skin contact.

“A-Yang needs not to worry about that,” the alpha answered breezily, staring at the tiny newborn with a look of absolute wonder.

“I’m starting to doubt your sanity,” he groused, trying to ignore his heart that kept slamming against his ribcage at the attention. Alpha wants you, his omega whispered, pathetic and hopeful. Alpha is paying attention to you.

They also discovered that while the baby was, indeed, healthy, she had a rare cultivation-based congenital condition in her eyes, her irises all white. Fortunately, it shouldn’t affect her eyesight.

“What are you going to call her, A-Yang?” asked Xiao Xingchen on the third day when he was visiting.

Xue Yang thought about it for a while. “Xue Qing,” he said quietly. “She’s A-Qing.”

Xue Qing. Mine.

The nurses taught him to take care of the baby, to change her nappies, to comfort her, to feed her with a bottle as male omegas rarely lactate. Days passed in a comfortable haze, and Xue Yang recovered, his bump slowly disappearing, the skin of his belly knitting itself together again until only a deep red scar remained.

Xiao Xingchen, his Xingchen-ge, visited him every day and they talked and laughed, spending large amounts of time just staring at Xue Yang’s newborn baby in silence. 

Xue Yang was—happy, for the better word for it.

He knew his moral compass was wonky at best, but he desperately wanted to repay Xiao Xingchen somehow, the only person who had treated him with such kindness, save for his landlady. But he had no wealth, nothing of significance to gift to the alpha.

Except his body. He always had his body.

And so, he made a plan, waiting for a time when he knew Xiao Xingchen was alone at his spacious office with that comfortable leather sofa. Making sure A-Qing was sleeping soundly, belly filled with warm milk, he trudged to the alpha’s office, opening the door.

Xiao Xingchen lifted his gaze from the book he was reading and smiled. It reached his eyes, too, and he was just so fucking beautiful. Xue Yang’s heart ached.

“A-Yang.”

“Xingchen-ge,” he muttered and promptly let his robe fall off, revealing his naked body.

Xiao Xingchen’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “A-Yang,” he gasped. “What—you don’t—”

“Xingchen-ge,” Xue Yang said, interrupting him and taking a step closer, then another—

“What’s this?”

Xue Yang stopped on his feet as a new voice rang in the air, dark and sultry and—enraged. He got a whiff of the scent of an angry alpha and whipped around, hissing and ready to lash out.

Before him stood an impossibly tall man with eyes as dark as the blackest stone and features carved like the most stunning of sculptures.

And he was staring straight at Xue Yang, lips pinched into an annoyed line.

“Xingchen?” The man’s eyes flicked to Xiao Xingchen before returning on Xue Yang.

“Zichen,” Xiao Xingchen said, voice mellow. “This is Xue Yang. A-Yang.” He turned his attention to Xue Yang. “A-Yang, please. There’s no need, just put on your robes and we’ll talk.”

Xue Yang's fingers trembled as struggled to fasten his robes, humiliation a burning hot sensation all over his body. 

Stupid, fucking stupid Xue Yang.

“Who the fuck is Zichen,” he muttered.

Xiao Xingchen cocked his head and smiled brightly. “Song Lan—Zichen—is my mate. He’s not—fond of touch. I’m so glad you’re—”

“Mate?” Xue Yang croaked, not letting Xiao Xingchen finish. His eyes had started to burn, and he could feel tears already welling up, angry, humiliated, sad.

What had he been thinking? A filthy omega like Xue Yang, a med test rut slut knocked up by a nameless, faceless alpha. Worthless and penniless, postpartum belly soft and floppy and covered in scars. Xiao Xingchen had only ever been polite and kind, and Xue Yang had thought it had meant—

What had he been thinking?

“Xue Yang?” he heard Song Lan rumble on his right.

“A-Yang,” whispered Xiao Xingchen on his left.

Xue Yang made an anguished sound deep in his throat and fled. By the time he reached his room, he was already crying, whooping hiccups spilling from his lips. He didn’t even stop to think about his options, throwing his stuff inside his duffel bag before tying his baby wrap around his body. He carefully lifted A-Qing from where she was sleeping in her tiny cot and wrapped her in the soft fabric. Bless his landlady for giving him a lecture on babywearing and gifting him the simple cotton wrap.

Then he dashed out, disappearing into the shadows before neither of the alphas could even realize he was gone, his heart shattering into pieces inside his chest.

The trip back to the slums was difficult. He had no money for normal cabs or cultivation services such as sword-cabs, so he had to make way by foot. He was avoiding the bigger streets in case the alphas were looking for him, and it took him ages to get back, his body still recovering after all.

All of him ached, and he had also run out of the formula Xiao Xingchen had given him. A-Qing was crying constantly, probably hungry, and Xue Yang wanted to wail with her when they finally reached his little room.

Luckily, he had managed to source some milk before leaving for Xaio Xingchen’s clinic, so at least he was able to feed the baby while still wearing her for comfort. His or hers, it was impossible to tell.

He absently went through his stock of craft paper and ink, mentally counting the talismans he could make for sale. There were also a few insulin injectors left, and people paid good money for those, at least, since not even cultivation was able to cure all sicknesses.

The sun had already set as he finally sat down, whole body hurting like hell, mind in complete chaos. He hadn’t even realized that between one moment and the next, he had started to hope. What a fucking foolish thing to do.

Another alpha, a mate.

Fuck you, Xiao Xingchen, and fuck your generosity!

Xue Yang would stay here just long enough for A-Qing to handle a longer trip to Yueyang. In the end, he was left with two things: his baby and his revenge. Even without any resources, it was time to make sure no one managed to steal the latter from him.

He fell into an exhausted slumber next to A-Qing, tears trickling down his cheeks, snot all over his face.

He sold the insulin injectors the next day and took his time to craft new fire talismans. They sold on the second day.

On the third day, he woke up to furious banging on the door, accompanied by shouts of his name.

Exhausted from the lack of sleep he scrambled up. Making sure A-Qing was alright and warm, he dragged his body to the door and opened it, only to be faced with both Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan.

“A-Yang?” Xiao Xingchen said, eyes wide and vulnerable and fuck, Xue Yang’s heart ached.

“We’ll come in,” Song Lan announced and gently moved Xue Yang enough for them to be able to step it.

“The fuck?” Xue Yang blurted, furious. “You dare?”

“We dare,” Song Lan said, way too calmly. His gaze drifted to the tiny sleeping baby on the bed and his expression melted instantly into something softer. “Is that A-Qing?”

Xue Yang’s eyes widened. “Get away from her,” he sneered. His heart was pounding—surely the alphas weren’t there to take her away? “She’s mine.”

Xiao Xingchen slid closer and touched Xue Yang’s shoulder lightly. “A-Yang. Calm down, no one’s going to take her away.”

“Calm down? You’re barging in like this and telling me to calm down? Some nerve you’ve got! I should gouge out your fucking eyes!”

“A-Yang, hush,” Xiao Xingchen repeated and suddenly there was a warm, solid hand on his neck, fingers digging into his skin and scruffing him.

It was infuriating how easily he went pliant under Song Lan’s touch, slumping against Xiao Xingchen who caught him in an embrace. The fingers left and Song Lan moved, but Xue Yang didn’t have it in himself to struggle.

“Now, will you listen to us?”

“Do I have an option?” he gritted through his teeth.

Xiao Xingchen hummed and it was an answer enough.

“First, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. About Song Lan.” Xiao Xingchen spoke quietly, his arms surprisingly steely around Xue Yang’s slight body. “We are mates but, as you can see, it’s quite unconventional as we’re both alphas.”

Song Lan, who was sitting on the bed and gazing at the sleeping A-Qing, impossibly big compared to the tiny baby, picked up from where Xiao Xingchen stopped. “Xingchen has been talking about you nonstop, you know. For months. I’ve never seen him like this. This… infatuated.”

Xue Yang was stunned silent. “What?” he croaked against Xiao Xingchen’s chest.

“Mm,” Xiao Xingchen hummed, stroking his hair. It felt so nice and Xue Yang closed his eyes. He wanted to fight, but his body refused to move, and his mind was a jumbled mess. “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, A-Yang. You’re funny and witty, so admirably resilient. So pretty. How could I not like you?”

Xue Yang made a series of shocked noises, too flummoxed to speak.

Song Lan let out a small, amused huff. “He’s been trying to find a suitable moment to bring up the option of you joining us. As our omega.”

“I literally didn’t know you even existed,” Xue Yang choked, face turning red.

“Yeah. About that,” Xiao Xingchen said sheepishly. “I’ve been, ah, trying to find a suitable moment to bring that up, too.” He seemed to hesitate for a moment before placing a small kiss on top of Xue Yang’s head. “That Song Lan is mine, and that I would love to have you as mine, too. As ours.”

Xue Yang made a wet, wretched sound. “Greedy,” he snarked, but there was an edge of desperation at the edges of the statement. “I’m a package deal these days.”

“We’ve always wanted kids,” said Song Lan steadily, like it was a natural thing to say.

When Xue Yang finally managed to disentangle himself enough to look at his direction, he was staring at A-Qing, looking besotted.

“So, you’d just have any kid?” Annoyance bubbled inside him again, sharp and sour. “How valiant.”

“Of course not,” Xiao Xingchen said with a hesitant smile. “We want you. The fact that you have a child is just an additional blessing. We wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“So,” Xue Yang said, trying to muster up some distant coolness in his voice and probably failing monumentally, “you want to bring an all but homeless omega and his bastard child into your lives? Stupid geges.” His voice broke at the final word.

“Yes. That’s exactly what we want to do. We want to take care of you both.” Xiao Xingchen’s voice was just a whisper as he moved closer.

Song Lan, too, stood up and carefully wrapped an arm around Xue Yang’s shoulders, just a light touch yet caging him loosely between them. “The only question that remains is whether you’ll allow us.”

Their scents were everywhere, fresh mountains and stark winters, and what could he say? Xue Yang was already falling.

They took it slowly. In months’ time, talks turned to touches, which turned to kisses and naked intimacy. Xue Yang had never lived with anyone like this, wasn’t used to being taken care of, so there were fights, too. Hurtful, raging fights with a lot of shouting and stiff apologies, but those were always followed by tentative smiles and more kisses.

They were also exhausted because A-Qing kept them all up at night.

“How many fucking grown ass men does it take to raise a baby,” groaned Xue Yang one morning around 4am after getting up for the seventh time.

“Beats me,” grumbled Song Lan and turned his back on him, trying to get some sleep.

Secretly, Xue Yang spent his time waiting for the moment when his stupid geges would finally tell him and A-Qing to leave.

It never came. Instead, what he got were confessions of love and commitment, tentative images painted of a future together.

When his first postpartum heat arrived, Xiao Xingchen canceled all his appointments and took baby A-Qing to stay with his aunt Baoshan Sanren, who lived further away in the mountains. Song Lan, a professor at Baixue Academy, cleared his teaching schedule, too, and for the first time in his life, Xue Yang had a proper nest during his heat and not one but two devoted alphas to take care of him.

He struggled, of course, like a caged animal, sneering and smirking, joking feebly when Xiao Xingchen inquired about his preferred snacks, when Song Lan made sure he had all the blankets he wanted. Too bad his two stupid alphas read him like an open book. Go away, I don’t need you, said his mouth, but what they heard was please, pay attention to me. Look at my way. Am I enough?

It started slowly, just a prickle of unease inside his skin, trickling down his marrow and making its home somewhere inside his lower belly. He was hot, then cold, then hot again, shivering as he got wetter and wetter, as the ache became unbearable.

Writhing against the sheets, he opened his mouth to accept a mouthful of fresh, scented water from Xingchen while Song Lan stroked his back and his sides.

“Ge,” he gasped as a full-body tremor coursed through him. “Hurts.”

“Hush,” someone murmured into his hair, maybe Xingchen, maybe Zichen, and then they were all naked and there were hands on his cock, a finger probing into the leaking wetness of his hole, massaging his prostate, and he was coming, coming, shaking and panting and sweaty, his alphas’ scents floating in the air, engulfing him completely.

Time ceased to exist as he rode the waves of heat, getting fucked by his alphas separately and together, Song Lan slamming into him from behind, him riding Xingchen, painting the alpha’s toned chest in pretty hues of milky white.

He napped, he ate, he enjoyed his alphas, commanded them to alleviate his aches. His alphas enjoyed him, pampered him, bodies wound tightly together, skin on skin, mouths meeting passionately. It was good; overwhelming.

Beautiful, pretty, so good, our A-Yang, perfect.  

Never a rut slut, whore, good lay, test subject, asshole, convenient hole to fuck.

On the fourth day, they had penetrated him together, Xue Yang impaling himself of Xiao Xingchen’s cock and leaning forward against his chest, waiting for Song Lan to drill his cock inside his wet heat, too, nudge it against Xiao Xingchen’s. Between them, Xue Yang panted and drooled, stuffed full of alpha cock and mind blissfully empty.

“Ah, alpha.” He came, gasping into Xingchen’s neck, feeling those two cocks still moving inside him.

“A-Yang, love,” Xiao Xingchen whispered and bucked once, twice, painting his insides and Song Lan’s cock with his release, slipping out slowly. Song Lan immediately fed his cock deeper, making sure Xiao Xingchen’s come stayed inside him. 

Shuffling upwards on the bed, Xiao Xingchen arranged Xue Yang so that his head was resting against his strong thigh, murmuring words of encouragement as Song Lan’s hips started to piston in and out of him, his cock dragging against his wet walls. Xiao Xingchen entwined their fingers, and Xue Yang twisted his head to meet his fond gaze, those starlit eyes that looked down at him in amazement.

He forced his eyes to stay open when Song Lan picked up his pace, tall and strong and solid, when he grunted and buried his cock as deep inside as possible, popping his knot inside and locking them together as he came, seed mixing with Xiao Xingchen’s. Song Lan’s breath fanned his neck, his scent glands, and Xue Yang stared, stared, into Xiao Xingchen’s eyes when the alpha bit down, his fangs piercing the skin of Xue Yang’s glands.

He shrieked, willing his eyes to stay open, wetness gathering at the corners.

“Fuck,” whispered Xiao Xingchen, voice full of wonder, fingers tightening their hold of Xue Yang’s hand.  

Against his neck, Song Lan groaned empathically, his cock twitching inside him.

Later that day, when Xiao Xingchen bit him and marked him as his, Song Lan drank Xue Yang’s whines straight from his mouth, their lips fused tightly together in a passionate kiss.

When his heat ended, he felt content and safe and—happy. At least that’s what he thought the feeling bubbling inside his chest was, scorching him in the best of ways, his body tingling with it. He still didn’t have much experience with happiness, but whenever he looked at his alphas, his stupid, tall, handsome geges, the ones who had made him as theirs and readily become fathers to his bastard child, his heart was overflowing with a feeling he assumed could only be that.

He still thought of his revenge sometimes. Some days, it simmered heavily in his chest, a low frequency hum that was impossible to ignore. It got stuck to his stump, impossible to shake off.

But then he looked at A-Qing, laughing and learning to skip rope at the ripe age of four, looked at Xingchen doing crosswords with his face scrunched adorably and Zichen working on his jianshu, stoic, focused, kind. Letting his gaze drop, he stared at his own round belly, two lives growing inside, two extra heartbeats to add to their previous group of four.

A faint shadow of a smile tugged at his lips, and he let the feeling pass, riding it out and breathing it away.