Chapter Text
Ena checks her phone. Or at least, she tries to. It should be a simple enough task, but she has an armful of clingy girlfriend wrapped all around her and currently doing her darndest to monopolize all of Ena’s attention. Right now, said clingy girlfriend is kissing her neck and clumsily trying to undo the top buttons of Ena’s school uniform shirt even though Ena has told her repeatedly to leave the damn buttons be because they don’t have time. Her classes are starting soon, and she’s gotten there completely disheveled a couple of times already and it’s been humiliating to say the least.
She strains her neck a bit as she lifts her phone against the late afternoon sky, so that she can see the time. Only ten more minutes. She sighs. Not nearly enough time.
It’s been exactly twelve days since Mizuki has first come over to Ena’s house and they have become… more intimate. Since then, they haven’t really had an opportunity to be alone and re-experience that closeness that Ena has been desperately craving since. Judging by Mizuki’s behavior, she’s not in a much better position than Ena.
Right now, they’re on the school rooftop. Ena is sitting with her back against the net, which keeps rattling with a metallic sound every time Mizuki pushes against her. Mizuki is almost sitting in her lap, her face burrowed in Ena’s neck and Ena is very close to losing her mind, actually.
“Put the phone away…” Mizuki whispers. She finally stops fiddling with the buttons so that she can pull Ena down to kiss her. Deeply. Oh no. Not good.
Ena reluctantly but dutifully pushes her away.
“E-enough,” she says, internally cringing at her own shaky voice. “You made a mess of my hair, I have to touch up my make-up, you probably gave me God knows how many hickeys and you gotta cover them up, alright? This is ridiculous.”
Mizuki pouts like a child, crossing her arms on her chest.
“Skip your classes.”
Ena sighs. She is tempted. She almost suggested it herself at least five times this afternoon. But Mizuki is being exceptionally needy, and if Ena kisses her one more time, she knows things could very well get out of hand. And the damn school rooftop isn’t exactly a private place, as a certain previous (and quite traumatic) experience has proven.
“You’re a temptress, is what you are,” is all Ena says, lightly flicking her girlfriend’s forehead.
Mizuki pouts some more but she still reaches for her bag and produces some liquid concealer. She starts applying it to Ena’s neck with a deep frown that just makes her look absolutely adorable.
“What’s your obsession with hickeys anyway, huh?” Ena asks as she tries to comb her own hair with her fingers. Ugh, Mizuki has made such a mess. There’s knots everywhere.
Mizuki shrugs, a little smile tugging at her lips as her thumb, slightly cold, gently rubs some concealer on the side of Ena’s neck.
“Your neck is soft. And you look cute with hickeys.”
“What is that supposed to mean…” Ena mumbles, pretending to be annoyed even though she knows she’s probably blushing. Oh, Mizuki will be the death of her one day.
Mizuki squeezes a little more product on her forefinger, and touches two more spots.
“How many-”
“Shh, I’ll lose focus.” Mizuki is grinning and Ena glares at her.
“I will kill you, why do you-”
Her phone chimes, and Ena stops mid-sentence. No point arguing with a wall, anyway. And if it wasn’t that hickeys are embarrassing, Ena wouldn’t even mind them. It’s actually nice to see them when she’s home, and Mizuki is far away and Ena is aching for her.
From: Mom
Don’t forget to pick up your brother’s cake and welcome back gift. I know you probably forgot.
Also, family dinner tonight. Touya-kun is coming. We eat at 8pm.
Ena groans. Akito is coming back from the US, his flight should land in about… 10 minutes. Her mom and dad are both driving to the airport to pick him up. From what Ena understands, the plan is that they’ll keep Akito (and apparently, Touya too, because of course he’s coming, those two are attached at the hip after all) busy as Ena goes to pick up a cake and a present her mom ordered for him. She had mentioned how she’ll keep him out of the house until after Ena has come back from school or something.
To: Mom
Yeah yeah, I didn’t forget, I’ll pick them up on my way home.
From: Mom
Thank you.
“Why do you look like you swallowed a lemon?” Mizuki asks, capping the concealer. She stuffs it back in her bag as Ena leans with her back against the metallic net behind her.
“Gotta pick up a cake and stupid present for Akito. He’s coming back from the US today.”
“Oh, yeah! Touya-kun mentioned it.”
Ena makes a noncommittal noise.
“Well, don’t sound too excited,” Mizuki jokes with an amused smile, and Ena rolls her eyes.
“It’s just… While he was away, we didn’t have to do any of those stupid family dinners. And now I gotta pick up a cake for it?” Ena groans, rubbing her face. Whatever.
Suddenly, she jerks upright. Hold on. Dinner at 8pm. Everyone away until Ena is back from her classes. If she skipped school…
“Why are you looking at me like that? You’re scaring me, Enanan,” Mizuki muses teasingly as she lets out a little chuckle, though she seems genuinely confused. Ena knows she probably looks like a madman. She’s just staring at Mizuki with her eyes so wide, they’re starting to burn. The cogs in her head are spinning. This might… Oh, they need to go, right now. She doesn’t want to be caught by any teacher or classmate.
Ena frantically stuffs her sketchbook (where she was drawing while waiting for Mizuki), her phone and make-up in her bag, her hands shaking.
“Grab your stuff, quick, let’s go, come on!”
Mizuki hesitates, and Ena makes an impatient noise.
“Hurry up!” She hisses through gritted teeth, as she unceremoniously shoves all of Mizuki’s belongings in her bag. Mizuki quickly catches up and helps Ena gather the rest of their stuff – Ena’s discarded blazer and her uniform bow, as well as Mizuki’s cardigan.
Ena gets up and grabs Mizuki by the hand so that she can drag her with her. They run through the mostly-empty school, as butterflies start to gather in Ena’s stomach. She’s almost nauseous with excitement and the thrill of doing something so risky.
They run out of the school gates, hand in hand, and when Ena turns to look at Mizuki, she sees that Mizuki has flushed deep red, and is suddenly looking quite bashful. Of course Mizuki already figured out what Ena is planning.
“You’re okay with it?” Ena asks, not slowing down.
Mizuki nods. “More than okay.”
Ena throws the door to her home open, giggling madly. They get inside kissing and laughing in each other’s mouth. They both clumsily kick their shoes off without looking, letting their bags fall without a care. Ena can’t stop giggling like an idiot, and she finds she also can’t stop kissing Mizuki for a single moment, even though what they are doing can barely be classified as “kissing”. More like chuckling as their lips touch and barely even move together.
Ena unbuttons Mizuki’s cardigan and slides it off her shoulders which was probably not her wisest idea because she slips on it almost instantly and ends up knocking their teeth together.
“You’re such a mess, Ena,” Mizuki teases her, and Ena lightly pulls her earlobe.
“Stop… Talking…”
She grabs Mizuki by the hips and pushes her towards the living room. Mizuki almost trips over the step that leads from the genkan to inside the house, and Ena laughs madly, holding her up.
“Who’s the mess now, hmm?” She asks, smiling smugly as she peppers kisses all over Mizuki’s face and neck. She untucks Mizuki’s shirt from her skirt and keeps pushing Mizuki towards the general direction of the couch in the living room – though she’s struggling with directions, since she’s reluctant to separate from Mizuki for even a single instant.
Finally, the back of Mizuki’s knees hit the arm of the couch, and Ena pushes her down on it, following suit.
“Yip!” Mizuki squeals as she falls.
Ena straddles her waist, bracing herself above Mizuki by planting her hands at either side of Mizuki’s head.
“You sure we shouldn’t go to your room?” Mizuki asks, squirming a bit.
“Too far,” Ena breathes, sinking down to capture Mizuki’s lips again.
In that moment, the front door opens. Ena freezes. Her whole body cools down so quickly, she actually shivers. Her stomach drops as cold sweat pools on her back.
“E-Ena? You’re home?” Her mom’s voice asks. She sounds confused. And surprised.
She and Mizuki stare at each other like two deer caught in the headlights. Okay, calm down, Ena thinks to herself. She’s panicking. She has to hide Mizuki, and quickly. Except, Mizuki has left her shoes, bag, and cardigan on the floor of the stupid genkan where her mom currently is. Ena can picture her frown as she looks at the ground, so she takes a deep breath.
She can still salvage this.
She sits up like a spring, dragging Mizuki up with her. She desperately tries to fix Mizuki’s hair and clothes to make her look less rumpled. But her shirt is untucked and wrinkled and her hair is a mess and her lips are red and kiss-bruised and her eyes are glossy and her mom isn’t an idiot.
Ena is doomed.
“Y-yeah!” She yells, trying to sound normal. Judging by Mizuki’s amused, nervous groan, she did not succeed. Ena glares at her.
“Be cool,” she threatens under her breath, stabbing her finger at Mizuki’s face.
“I’m cool as a cucumber,” Mizuki whispers back with a grin, and Ena loses her will to fight.
It’s all over.
Ena listens to her mom’s steps approaching, and she feels like she’s in that horrible movie Akito used to like when they were kids, the one with the dinosaurs in the park, in that one scene where the ugly T-Rex is approaching and some water in a cup is shaking with every step it takes and Ena could never watch the rest of the movie beyond that scene but she imagines that’s how those scientists or whatever felt like as they locked the car. A useless move, a desperate attempt to survive.
Ena’s desperate move is to suck her thumb in her mouth and then rub her own smudged lipstick off of Mizuki’s lips. Once she’s done, her stomach sinks. Mizuki’s lips just look even redder now – she’s made the situation worse. The steps stop, and she turns.
The worst part about meeting her mother’s eye when the woman finally enters the living room, is that she does not look surprised in least. On the contrary, she shoots Ena an unimpressed look, accentuated by an eyebrow arching slightly. It pisses Ena off.
Before she can say anything, her mom turns her attention to Mizuki, and Ena’s words all get stuck in her throat along with her breath as a knot forms in her windpipe.
Ena keeps whipping her head between Mizuki and her mom, to check for both of their reactions to one another. It makes Ena feel like she’s at a tennis match and is following the neon ball being chucked back and forth. It’s going to give her whiplash. But she has to check, she has to – even though she can’t understand why. Why, why, why is she so anxious about this?
Mizuki looks quite relaxed, the devil, though Ena knows her well enough to spot some nervousness in the way her smile is slightly tighter than usual. She knows no one else would be able to spot that, but Ena is a Mizuki expert, after all. Mizuki is smiling charmingly at her mom, leaning a bit forward with her hands resting at the edge of the couch.
Ena’s mom also looks at ease, and is smiling at Mizuki amiably, though she is clearly trying to figure out as much information as she can just from the way she looks.
After a few more head whips Ena’s head starts to spin, and she suddenly realizes it’s been at least five to ten seconds of utter silence which must be weird, right?
Ena clears her throat, and her mom finally looks at her again.
She arches her eyebrow again, inviting Ena to explain herself without saying a word. Oh, Ena is getting really pissed.
“You’re home early,” she says, which, fuck! Not the best way to start. It makes it too clear Ena was was hoping for the house to be empty.
Her mom crosses her arms on her chest. “No, I’m not. You are, though.”
Ena bristles. “What do you mean you’re not early, you said-”
Oh. Oh no. Oh nononono-
With a sinking feeling in her stomach, Ena finally remembers a conversation she had with her mom two days ago.
“I ordered the cake and already paid for it, will you pick it up after your classes on Thursday? The bakery is right by your school.”
“Hmm.”
“Oh, and the present! I ordered it online, it should be delivered- Are you listening?”
“Hm’yeah.”
“Well, the present is to be delivered to a locker right next to the bakery tomorrow, so will you pick that up as well on Thursday? I’ll text you the locker code.”
“Hmm.”
“We’ll probably have a family dinner around eight, and I actually want to wrap the present properly before we give it to him so let me know when you’re coming back so we can clear the living room for a couple of minutes while you bring the cake and the present in, okay? I’ll wrap it while he’s busy.”
“Hmm.”
“…And remember to walk the dog.”
“Hmm.”
“I knew you weren’t listening! Since when do we have a dog? Put the tablet down.”
“Gee, mom, whatever! It’s a stupid present and a stupid cake, it’s not rocket science!”
“Repeat what I told you-”
“Ugh, I got it! I can listen and draw at the same time, you know?”
“You’re just like your father-”
“No, I’m not, because I was actually listening and I got it so can you drop it now?”
“Maybe I’ll just remind you via text on Thursday.”
“Whatever.”
If Ena was alone right now, she’d hide her face in her hands. What was she thinking on the rooftop just earlier? That her mom and dad were going to keep Touya and Akito, exhausted from their trip around the the world, away from the empty house for hours and hours while Ena was in class? Just so she could sneak in a present and a cake they were going to give him right away anyway? Stupid, stupid! Too ashamed to blame herself any longer, she turns to glare at Mizuki, who looks back at her with an innocent smile. Oh, it’s all her fault. Kissing Ena like that, on the damn rooftop, just to distract her and cause her to make such an embarrassing false-step.
At the sight of her angry glare, Mizuki’s smile grows wider. Ena is going to complain about all the kisses that made her forget Important and Obvious Things later. Yes, Mizuki will hear about it.
“I knew you weren’t listening,” her mom sighs, shaking her head to the floor.
Ena turns her glare to her, ready to defend herself, but she gets cut off.
“Did you even pick up the stuff?”
“Well, I was going to do that after my classes-”
“Which you’re skipping.”
Ena swallows thickly. Her mom finally smiles at her, letting out an amused sigh as she places her hands on her hips.
“Ah, to be young and in love again. Introduce me now, hmm? You’re being rude,” she chides in a bit of a patronizing way, though without any annoyance behind it. Oh, she finds this whole situation funny.
Mizuki probably does too, and Ena is suddenly very aware that this meeting could be her downfall. So, she isn’t going to introduce them to each other herself. She’s annoyed and she feels stupid and embarrassed and those two are going to team up against her anyway so whatever.
She burrows herself deeper into the back of the couch, crossing her arms on her chest, and kicks Mizuki’s leg.
“Go ahead,” she grumbles. She has given up in trying to salvage this horrible situation.
Mizuki tilts her head at her, clearly asking if it’s okay for her to introduce herself as Ena’s girlfriend. Ena nods, and Mizuki shoots her an amused look that seems to say, “Are you really sure you’re setting me loose like that?”
To which Ena replies with a groan and an eye roll. “Do your worst,” is what she means, and Mizuki gets the message just fine and grins at her with her eyes shining devilishly. Ena braces herself.
Mizuki stands up and raises a hand high above herself.
“Hiii! My name is Akiyama Mizuki! I’m Ena’s junior at Kamikou! I’m in the day program, though! I’m the super duper cute girlfriend Ena has been telling you all about, nice to meet you!”
This said, she bows slightly at Ena’s mom, who has to cover her mouth with her hand to hide her laugh, though it looks like she cannot contain it. Ena looks up at the ceiling for a couple of seconds, inhaling deeply. She needs to find acceptance within herself. Acceptance of her fate. For she loves the stupid idiot who’s currently craning her neck to beam at her over her shoulder and who just made her mom burst out laughing in the living room.
“Sorry,” her mom breathlessly apologizes to Mizuki, waving a hand in front of herself, “it’s just… You’re not what I expected.”
“Hehe, in a good way I hope.”
“Definitely in a good way,” Ena’s mom says with a final amused sigh, her eyes shining with approval. For some reason, her mom’s words make Ena’s chest feel warm as a sudden sense of relief washes over her. It’s not like she needs her parents’ approval of Mizuki – she doesn’t need anyone’s approval, about anything, actually, but she suddenly realizes that it’s important to her that her mom seems to genuinely like Mizuki. She can’t really understand why, but it is.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Are you staying for dinner?”
Ena knows the color drains from her face. Mizuki looks at her before she replies, and Ena shakes her head in a panic, not even caring that her mom can see her do that.
“I, uh, I’m quite busy tonigh-”
“Mizuki-chan- ah, can I call you Mizuki-chan?”
“Go full steam ahead!” Mizuki replies, saluting and even tooting an invisible ship horn with her other hand. Ena might actually kill her.
Her mom chuckles. “Listen, Mizuki-chan. I’d love for you to stay. I really would. So, let’s do this,” she says, clapping her hands and shifting her gaze to Ena, “I’ll go pick up the cake and the present myself. Your dad and the boys should be here in about half an hour, more or less, and I’ll probably be back around the same time. So… just let me know then, whether you’re staying. I have enough ingredients for six.”
Oh, she’s giving them some time to talk it out in private and decide. That’s nice of her, Ena thinks.
“Thank you,” she says, and her mom nods at her.
“Hope I’ll see you tonight, Mizuki-chan, but if not, know that you’re welcome over any time,” Ena’s mom says warmly, smiling at Mizuki with affection.
Though Ena can only really see the side of Mizuki’s face, and not even that well, she can tell just from the way she bows her head and her overall body language that she’s feeling a bit flustered by her mom’s warm welcome. Ena can empathize with that – she had felt similar, when she had first met Mizuki’s parents and they had showered her with attentions.
Mizuki nods, her mom blows both of them a kiss, and then she’s gone.
“Nghhh,” Ena whines, hiding her face in her hands and sinking to the couch.
“That bad, huh?” Mizuki asks, sitting down next to her head and patting her back. She sounds both amused and comforting.
“Mizukiii,” Ena whines, not caring about sounding childish. She crawls forward, a bit like a worm, blindly reaching for her girlfriend. She lies down with her head in her lap and her face burrowed against Mizuki’s abdomen, as her fingers clutch at her shirt.
“There, there,” Mizuki comforts her, running her fingers through her hair soothingly.
“That was awful,” Ena mumbles, her voice muffled against Mizuki’s body.
“I think it went rather well, considering the circumstances. Your mom seems nice.”
“It was so embarrassing… It was so obvious what we were- nghh,” Ena whines loudly, in a high-pitched, miserable voice, as she burrows herself deeper into Mizuki’s stomach. She feels Mizuki’s quiet chuckle vibrate through her skull. She wraps her arms around Mizuki’s mid-section, seeking even more comfort.
“Hey, it could have been worse,” Mizuki says, sounding amused.
“Hooow…”
“Well, she could have walked in a few minutes later than she did. There could have been even less clothes invo-”
“Stooop talking please, I… Mizukiii.”
Mizuki laughs again, rubbing Ena’s back soothingly with one hand as she cards the other through Ena’s hair.
“It’s all your fault anyway,” Ena finally mumbles, once she feels a bit more grounded thanks to Mizuki’s touch.
“Oh?”
Ena turns her head to glare up at Mizuki, and finds her grinning down at her.
“Yes, you… you distracted me with all those kisses and I got confused and I forgot-”
“Ohh, so what I’m hearing is I’m such a good kisser I blew your mind?” Mizuki teases, wriggling her eyebrows.
Ena’s scowl deepens as she purses her lips. “This isn’t funny. You cannot kiss me like that on the rooftop anymore.”
“Eeh, why?” Mizuki sounds genuinely distressed, even though she’s jokingly pouting her lip.
“Because it’s not a private place and we’re always in a hurry and then I forget things and then I look like an idiot!”
“I’ll think about it…” Mizuki muses, and Ena knows what she means is that she’ll think about it, and decide to kiss Ena even more.
Ena rolls so that she can lie on her back, her head still on Mizuki’s thighs. Mizuki brushes the hair out of her face with an amused smile as Ena narrows her eyes at her. “You’re a menace. Remind me, why am I together with you?”
Mizuki places a finger under her chin as she ponders.
“Hmm… Because I’m cute?”
“I guess you are, yeah.”
“And funny?”
“You have your moments.”
Ena’s lips are starting to stretch into a smile as Mizuki lists more qualities and she replies.
“For my pretty hair?”
“Sure.”
“My charming smile?”
“I guess.”
“My video-editing skills?”
“Sure, why not.”
“Is it because I can fix your clothes?”
“That does come in handy, yeah.”
“My natural charisma?”
At this point, Ena laughs. She loves the stupid idiot holding her. The tension and embarrassment she was feeling earlier has mostly evaporated, and she is finally able to take a deep breath. So close to Mizuki as she is right now, all she can smell is her natural scent, and the fabric softener her family uses. Ena feels safe, grounded.
She sighs as she sits up better, so that she and Mizuki can be face to face.
“You probably want to stay for dinner, don’t you?” She asks, looking down at her own hands as she plays with Mizuki’s fingers.
“I want to do whatever makes you most comfortable,” she replies softly. Ena keeps her eyes on their hands, as Mizuki starts to play with Ena’s as well. Their fingers interlace and separate over and over. Ena’s movements convey all her uncertainty, whereas Mizuki’s are meant to comfort her.
“You know,” Mizuki’s hands still as her grip on Ena’s grows tighter, “You never really explained…”
Mizuki’s words fizzle out, as though she has lost her confidence halfway. Which is suspicious, to Ena. She immediately looks up with a frown, so that she can check her expression.
Mizuki looks careful. She’s observing Ena intently, and Ena is very confused for a few seconds. Then, as soon as it clicks, annoyance bubbles up to the surface.
She snatches her hands away from Mizuki’s hold so she can cross her arms over her chest as she glares and gets ready to give her a piece of her mind.
“Spit it out.”
Mizuki just sighs.
“Ena-”
“Just ask me. You think I’ll break, if you do?”
“That’s not-”
“It is, though!” Ena roars. Mizuki sighs again reaching out with her hands. Ena ignores her.
“You always do this,” she hisses almost under her breath, because she doesn’t want to yell at Mizuki about this, and she’s very close to. “You don’t need to… to tiptoe around me! And you should understand, more than anyone, how awful it is to realize someone you love is just walking on eggshells around you-”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Ena deflates. She’s a bit taken aback by Mizuki’s apology – she was expecting she might have to rant a bit more before it.
“Yeah,” she says in a bit of a confrontational tone, which is a bit of a dumb thing to reply to someone who just apologized to you.
Mizuki smiles at her, with that soft expression where her eyes crinkle at the corners and her cheeks color and she looks… in love.
“I love you, Ena.”
“What’s this, all of a sudden,” Ena mumbles, feeling a bit flustered. Her stomach is flipping over itself.
Mizuki shrugs. “Just felt like saying it. I love you.”
“You too…” Ena suddenly remembers what they were talking about and shakes her head forcefully, to dispel all the fluttery feelings Mizuki has evoked. “But you’re not distracting me! Ask me.”
Mizuki closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
“You said… When I introduced you to my family, you told me you had no intention of introducing me to your father. You said you didn’t know why you felt that way, but you did. And I didn’t press, I didn’t push. It’s not my place. But…” Mizuki leans forward to tuck Ena’s hair behind her ears, and then cups her face. “I know your history. And I know your relationship hasn’t always been easy. Trust me, I… I don’t feel the best way about him, because I love you. But… I thought after his exhibit, you were in a better place. And I was wondering if maybe talking about your feelings might help you, somehow.”
“Help me how?” Ena asks, defiant only for the sake of it. Her chest is starting to hurt. It’s the same feeling she gets every time she thinks of her father. It’s… shame. Betrayal. Despair.
Mizuki seems to read her pain in her eyes, because she gasps softly and for a moment, Ena thinks she’s going to backpedal – that she’s going to crack a joke and say, “Never mind, I’ll go home!”
Mizuki’s thumbs stroke Ena’s cheeks as she finds her determination again. Ena can read her so well.
“You just never really talk about him, you know? And you never told me why you don’t want me to meet him.”
“I don’t know why, I just don’t like the idea… It makes me feel… sick.”
“You… I think talking about it out loud might help you figure it out. Maybe. But you don’t have to push yourself.”
Ena grabs Mizuki’s wrists to halt her soothing motions.
“Lie down,” she commands.
Mizuki frowns, but does as told. Ena flops down on her, hugging her. She nestles her head under Mizuki’s chin and presses her ear against her chest. She just didn’t want to look at her face while talking. And the sound of Mizuki’s heart is helping her ground herself. Mizuki’s arms wrap around her.
“I really don’t know why I don’t like the idea,” she begins, mumbling a bit, “But, if I really have to look into it, I guess… You know, I never did. I never dug deeper. Because it hurts. And I feel… ashamed, for some reason. So I never really tried to understand. Even now, I’m struggling. It hurts so much, I-” Ena takes a shuddering breath, and Mizuki holds her tighter. Ena finds her courage again. “I think the truth is, I have come to understand him better. I think I might even forgive him, one day. I know why he said what he said. But it really did break me. If you hadn’t found my art, and we hadn’t joined Kanade and Mafuyu, I really don’t know what I-”
Ah, this might be too much, after all. One of Mizuki’s hands comes up to smooth down her hair with a slow exhale. Ena focuses on the sound of Mizuki’s heart, and is surprised to realize it seems like its rhythm has picked up, ever so slightly. Ena is hit by the sudden realization that Mizuki loves her so much, she’s completely and fully empathizing with Ena, feeling her pain as though it’s her own. Her eyes fill with tears. She wants to continue. She wants to dig deeper, she wants to understand herself so she can tell Mizuki about it. Because she trusts Mizuki will treasure her feelings.
“I hated him for so long. But not because I hated him, but because just looking at him filled me with shame. He betrayed me on every level. And he made me feel completely humiliated. I lost everything, that night. I didn’t feel safe, when he was around. I used to hide from him, did I ever tell you? I know it’s pathetic-”
“No, not at all,” Mizuki whispers seriously, giving Ena a squeeze. Ena is hurting all over, her throat is burning with tears she’s deperately trying to hold back. She can’t breathe, so she tries to inhale and ends up letting out a horrible little sob instead.
“I think… I think the truth is- I’m not ready to fully forgive him,” she forces herself to continue through gritted teeth, “And you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. And he does not deserve to know how happy I am, he does not deserve to know more about me- ah, I sound so awful. I swear, I think I could forgive him, one day, when for years I thought I never would. But… You really are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I think I also have this fear that he won’t understand how great you are, or how important you are to me, or how huge it is that I am introducing you to him. He’s so… He’s very emotionally… distant, I guess. And I am used to reading his coldness as contempt, that I’m scared I’ll get mad at him for his reactions to you and I don’t want you to see what I’m like around him, I don’t want to make a scene, I don’t want him to see me as emotional and dumb and I don’t- It’ll just be a mess. I think that’s it.”
Mizuki hums to indicate she’s been listening.
“Ena… I think I understand a bit better. Thank you. For what it’s worth, there isn’t a version of you I wouldn’t love, so there is absolutely nothing you could say or do in front of me that would make me think any less of you. And I’ll be there to hold your hand, and I’ll always, always be on your side. Always. So, it’s entirely your choice, Ena. I won’t decide for you and assume, out of fear of hurting you. It’s up to you. Do you want me to leave?”
Ena closes her eyes, causing some tears to escape and land on Mizuki’s uniform shirt. She does not want Mizuki to leave. It would be nice to have her there during family dinners. She might make them bearable, with her wit and easy charm and her funny jokes – she’d get along with her mom. She’d tease Akito. She’d chat with Touya. And… with her dad… Ena cannot imagine it. It’s terrifying. But the thought of Mizuki leaving, right now, while Ena feels so vulnerable, is even more terrifying. The thought of that stupid dinner, without Mizuki and after this talk, is more repulsive than any scenario Ena’s anxieties are supplying.
“Stay. Staystaystay.”
Mizuki holds her breath for a couple of seconds, and when she exhales, she sounds breathless. Ena raises herself up, so that she can look at Mizuki’s face. She looks stunned, and a bit scared.
“…Unless you don’t want to.” Ena gives her a way out. She’ll always give Mizuki a way out. Because she trusts that even if Mizuki runs away from her again, she’ll come back to Ena. And if she doesn’t, Ena knows she’ll find her, and she knows Mizuki knows that, too.
“I want to,” Mizuki breathes, surprising Ena. She crawls a bit forward, so that she can look at Mizuki from above and study her face carefully.
“Why?”
“He… He’s the one thing that brought us together, in a way, inadvertedly so. He hurt you so much, and I was there to watch you pick yourself back up and flourish and become this amazing…” Mizuki doesn’t finish her sentence, choosing to simply smile up at Ena, who is crying again now, embarrassingly. “For better or worse, he’s another part of you, a piece of the puzzle, and I want to know everything about you. And you don’t talk much about him, so I want to see for myself. So, to answer you. I want to stay because I love you.”
Ena drops her forehead on Mizuki’s, feeling utterly overwhelmed. “You just say the most insane things, sometimes… I love you, too.”
Mizuki shakes her head lightly so that their noses can brush together. The gesture makes Ena smile.
The front door opens again and they both sit up, fixing their clothes. Much quicker this time than the last.
“Why is Akiyama’s cardigan on the floor?” Touya’s voice says. Oh, it’s already time. Ena’s heart isn’t ready, after all. She shoots Mizuki a panicked little glance, and Mizuki leans to kiss her cheek.
“How do you know that’s Akiyama’s? Could be Ena’s,” Akito replies distractedly.
Mizuki straightens up with a reassuring smile and reaches for Ena’s hand, so that they can lace their fingers together. “It’s going to be okay,” she mouths, and Ena takes a deep breath, pressing her free hand against her chest to will her racing heart to slow down. She’s feeling nauseous.
“No no, that’s definitely Akiyama’s – she uses it all the time.”
“Akiyama?”
At the sound of his voice speaking Mizuki’s name, Ena feels every muscle inside of her harden. Without saying a word, Mizuki squeezes her hand, giving her courage.
“Oh, yes, Ena-san’s-”
“Touya’s classmate,” Akito interrupts him. Despite the awkwardness and the bile rising to her mouth, Ena smiles. She bribed Akito well.
Her father grunts in reply, not asking any more question. Footsteps approach, accompanied by the sound of the wheels of multiple suitcases.
“Ngh,” Akito says as soon as he enters the living room. Ena glares at him, ticked off by his reaction.
“Is that how you greet your older sister after so long?”
Akito is about to reply, but he gets interrupted.
“Oh, Akiyama!” Touya greets cheerfully as he emerges from behind Akito. He waves Mizuki’s cardigan. “Found this in the entrance, I told Akito it was yours.”
“Hehe you have a good memory, Touya-kun.”
Touya grins back at Mizuki, and then he bows slightly in Ena’s general direction. “Ena-san, good evening.”
“H- hi,” Ena replies politely, though she’s sweating. Her dad cannot be far behind. It’s a matter of seconds.
“Don’t you have evening classes? You skipped?” Akito asks. Suddenly, his eyes widen. He looks at the cardigan in Touya’s hand and then at Mizuki and Ena. He sighs and rubs his face with a tired hand. “You can’t be serious…”
Ena is going to throw something at him. Just as she’s scanning the room looking for the best object to chuck at your insufferable little brother’s head for maximum damage, he comes in.
“Oh. Ena. You’re home.”
His eyes land on Mizuki. Ena takes a deep breath.
“Dad, this is Akiyama Mizuki. She’s my girlfriend. She’ll be joining us for dinner, tonight.”