Work Text:
“You don’t even need to be here. You can definitely leave.”
Darcy spat the words at Harry, as though he were the reason they were here, rather than Darcy’s own insistence that they could carry the fake-injured dummy down the two flights of stairs in the fake-burning building. Obviously they hadn’t expected to slip near the bottom and twist their ankle, even after the Red Cross instructors had explained several times that they really should have asked for help.
Harry had been in attendance as well, since the rugby team was also participating in the first aid training along with several other campus groups, including Darcy’s improv troupe. Hey, you never know when someone might throw a really heavy tomato towards the stage. Might as well be prepared to recognize the signs of a concussion!
And when the instructors checked on Darcy and realized they needed actual medical care, Harry was the only freshman present with a car (and a nice one, at that), so he got voluntold to drive them to the emergency room. Hence Darcy, lap full of clipboards and forms to fill out, was now hissing at him to piss off — their way of thanking him for his service.
Didn’t work, though. Harry rolled his eyes and threw himself down in the cracked pleather chair next to Darcy, determined to do his good deed for the day.
“Hell, no. If I left you here alone I’d get beat up by Nelson, if not first by your girlfriend. Tara is strong.”
Darcy raised their eyebrow at the easy way Harry talked about getting beat up by an AFAB person, like it was no big deal. How was he not taking the cheap homophobic shot? Has this annoying arsehole had a revelation and grown as a human being as he got older? Nah, couldn’t be. They shook their head and turned back to the forms.
One thousand, nine hundred and forty-seven years later (approximately), when they were finally called back into the bowels of the emergency room, Darcy repeated that Harry could go. By this point though, he’d actually had a decent nap in chairs, gotten snacks that were pure sugar from the vending machines, and had laid out a mental plan to pick up one of the doctors or nurses for some fun tonight after their shift. He was feeling no pain, and brushed off the suggestion once again to follow a hobbling Darce back behind the curtain.
He started to do some hunting (and hopefully gathering, heh heh!). The chick doing triage was alright, but she seemed way too timid for his taste. Besides, he heard some co-worker of hers mention something about her parents working upstairs, and he didn’t need to try and start any drama with parents that close by. Sadly, she was off the list.
Another person came to take Darcy’s vitals a few minutes later, and she looked more promising – cool hair streaks, smiling, and generally fun looking. He wasn’t shy about staring at her while she worked, and when she left the curtained area he immediately got up to follow her. However, about one second later he was stopped with an outstretched hand from another staff member giving a weary warning that sounded like it had been given dozens of times before: she’s got a boyfriend.
What, thought Harry to himself, no one’s poly in this place? He sat back down in a huff in his chair in the corner of the triage space, only for Darcy to kick him in the shins moments later as they stood.
“They’re moving me from triage to an actual spot inside. Gotta wait in line for x-rays, I guess. What are you even doing, Greene?”
He jumped up to follow their scowl to their new spot. “What do you mean? I’m here for emotional support.”
As Darcy let themself fall onto the new bed with a thump, they winced and snorted at the same time. (Surely this is a hot combination for somebody. Hopefully Tara.) “Emotional support? I don’t think so. You literally brought me to the hospital so you could hit on people??”
Harry leaned back in his chair, balancing on the two back legs in that way that makes mothers across the globe wince. He crossed his arms across his chest and smirked. “And why not, exactly? This place is full of on-their-way-to-wealth, probably-not-looking-for-a-committment, don’t-get-easily-grossed-out, clearly uniformly hot” – he swept his arm in a circle as he spoke – “and caring and dedicated as well, people.”
Darcy opened their mouth to debate but had to close it again to once again consider Harry’s choice of words. Since when does he notice care and dedication? Or value them? Did they actually get a concussion when they fell and just forgot??
In the meantime Harry’s gaze continued to travel around the room, and Darcy saw clearly when he came to an abrupt stop and his eyes bugged out. They turned around as carefully as possible, protecting their ankle, and looked in the same direction.
Okay, maybe he had a point. There was what looked like an entire gaggle of attractive women standing together looking up at the board. A range of ages, looks, hairstyles, builds – a freaking AFAB artistic display. Darcy had to hand it to Harry that maybe he was right about hotness of medical staff, and hadn’t simply watched way too many episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.
“Okay, they’re beautiful, Greene, but I really think it’s maybe the worst idea ever to just try and start talking to them randomly at work-” They swallowed the rest of that sentence in a groan as Harry ignored them, stood up and marched over.
Oh, but wait. While he marched in that general direction, he didn’t really even seem to notice the people Darcy had been transfixed by. Instead, he passed them right by? And ended up at the other end of the central station counter. He was currently standing behind two dude doctors talking to each other. And he looked nervous? Weird. Was one of them like…his uncle or something?
Darcy shifted slightly on the bed, still cushioning their ankle, so they could have a better shot at reading lips. But alas, it was too far away. Right at that moment, the first doctor, Javadi they think her name is, showed up at the foot of their bed.
“Everything going okay, Darcy? It’ll still be a while unfortunately. I’m so sorry the wait is so long for the x-rays tonight.”
“No, no, it’s fine. Actually I might need to apologize too. My ride may be causing some drama right now.”
“Oh?” Dr. Javadi asked, totally perplexed.
Darcy sighed and tried to summarize as best as they could. “He is an okay kid, but he’s got stuff to learn still. About respecting people. And I am pretty sure he was hoping to come in here with me and try and get a date with a doctor.” They rolled their eyes as Dr. Javadi giggled.
“This is quite the place to pick someone up, most people here aren’t going to take any shit.” She was silent for a second and then added, “Although some people like that?”
Both of them howled with laughter then, and Darcy felt brave enough to put out a feeler.
“So like, he went over there, I thought to try and flirt with the doctors standing by the board, but he’s too far away so I can’t hear anything.”
Dr. Javadi looked where Darcy was pointing and scrunched up her forehead. “Also, that’s not where he is now!”
“No, I know, that’s why I need to hear better! I don’t have a clue what he’s up to and I am going to need to report this gossip back to my girlfriend and our friend group!” Darcy cleared their throat and tried to sound like a good, decent, kind, gentle soul. “Any chance you could grab me some crutches so I can limp over there?”
Dr. Javadi gave a short laugh this time. “No, no, no, you need to stay put! But I can do you one better.” Darcy’s eyebrows raised again, in delighted curiosity at the way this all was turning out. “I can go over there and eavesdrop myself! I wouldn’t want you to miss the fun of the gossip!”
Darcy couldn’t believe their luck, nodded eagerly, and then shooed her away. This was going to be great.
From Dr. Javadi’s vantage point at a charting desk, Darcy could tell she was going to be able to hear everything. And it was clearly already working, because with her head pointed in Darcy’s direction, it was easy to see every shocked expression as it crossed her face.
Darcy quickly shifted her glance over to Harry again, to see he was now talking directly to the two men, who had turned around and were glaring him down without speaking. Harry was speaking a lot though, albeit at this distance it was impossible to tell if he was making excellent points (about what??) or just babbling.
Darcy watched their body language for a bit since that was all that was reaching them. The slightly taller of the two, the one with the salt-and-pepper beard and moustache and features that even at this remove screamed “stern but caring,” shifted his weight at one point, seemingly either to prep himself to push off from the counter and run away screaming, or hold himself up at the shock of something very exciting he must have heard.
The other doctor smirked a bit watching the first, but also turned his glance to Harry more than once. Was that a one-over Darcy saw him do?? He had much less facial hair, almost none except for an annoyingly rugged 5-o’clock-shadow, but did have a generous pile of curls rakishly spilling across the top of his head.
Darcy was going to examine Harry’s face once more and try to guess something, anything, but then they spied Dr. Javadi hurrying back. She dashed in past the curtain and closed it behind her, breathing hard.
“Oh my god!”
“What??” screeched Darcy.
Dr. Javadi put her finger to her lips. “Shhh!!! Try and be subtle, please!”
“Not my strong suit, but I’ll give it a shot!”
They both laughed again, but Dr. Javadi got herself under control, because there was important news.
“He did it!”
“Who did what??”
“Your friend! He hit on doctors!”
Darcy was stunned into silence. “Uh…which doctors? Did I miss something?”
Dr. Javadi turned and pointed. The three men were still standing together chatting exactly where Darcy had last looked. Were they standing a bit closer now, though?
“Those doctors. Dr. Michael Robinavitch and Dr. Jack Abbot. Who exactly zero guys have ever hit on before, much less as a unit.”
“Oh my actual god.”
“I know!”
Darcy’s head snapped around. “What did they say? Did you hear the end of the conversation??”
Dr. Javadi’s eyes widened. “Oh god!” And she once again dashed away.
As the evening wore on, Darcy basically never saw Harry again. The conversation over at the countertop lasted a bit longer, longer than they would have expected, but Dr. Javadi got called away in the middle (sending an apologetic stare across the room to Darcy) and then when they looked back, no one was there!
Well. Many, many people were there, as it was quite a busy evening in The Pitt. But the two dude doctors, and Darcy’s dude friend (such as it is) were gone. And there was literally nothing they could do about it.
The line for the x-rays eventually caught up to Darcy, and they were taken upstairs and back. There was a period of waiting for the results, and then a new doctor (an extremely sweet one and, in Darcy’s opinion, a much hotter one than the two Harry was wasting his time on) came in her hoodie and in a soft, understanding voice, talked to Darcy about proper care of their ankle for the next few weeks.
At long last they signed the final discharge form and were ready to go, but where in the blazes was their ride?? They stood up somewhat unsteadily from the wheelchair, which a very kind and awesomely bearded and tressed gentleman had used to bring them curbside, and looked around worriedly. They were pretty sure Donnie wasn’t going to leave them there at the side of the road, but they hadn’t brought their phone with them in the commotion after the fall, and didn’t have a frigging clue what they were going to do if Harry didn’t show up again.
Suddenly Harry’s car came roaring around the corner.
“Ah! Thank god!” Donnie gave them a pat on the back and started wheeling the chair inside again. Darcy timed it just right and let themself lean on the car door as it pulled up. They then thrust their head down to the open passenger window. “Literally where the fuck have you been?”
Harry answered in a stern voice incongruous with the mix of a sheepish grin, tousled hair, and wrinkly clothes.
“Never mind, alright! Would you just get in the car?”
Darcy smirked wide. “Nuh-uh. I’m not budging until I know who else has been in here and what fluids I might come into contact with if I sit down.”
Harry rolled his eyes. “Jesus christ, nothing happened in the car! I just ran to get it from the garage when I got back to your bed and you were already gone.”
“Um, yeah, because you disappeared for hours??”
Harry looked mildly scandalized. “Hours? Really?”
“Yep. Now are you going to fill me in or am I going to call Tara and tell her I have to walk home because you’re AWOL?”
Harry flung the door open in panic. “OkayyesIhitonthehotdoctorsandtheywentforitanditwasfun andIguessittakesawhilewhenthere’sthree??”
Darcy folded themself into the car with difficulty over their hysterical laughter. “Oh my god, Harry, how?? In what universe do you proposition men?? And, frankly, what was it about you that convinced those two to shirk their duties, if you know what I mean?”
“God, how did you make that sound sexual? It is so not supposed to be.”
“Seriously though!”
“Seriously though?” Harry turned to Darcy to make sure their seatbelt was on, and then looked them straight in the eye. “I know I was a shit back then, but I’ve grown up since being a homophobic little teen twat, and I don’t hesitate to shoot my shot, and I’m persuasive. He smirked as he turned back to the road and put the car in gear. “Oh yeah, and I’m very woke now. So I don’t discriminate anymore, in any way whatsoever. Equal opportunity sub.”
Darcy wrinkled their nose and pointed forward, reminding themself internally that in just a few more minutes, they’d be rid of this ridiculous spectacle, back in Tara’s perfect arms. They sighed with relief as Harry finally started the car and pulled back into traffic. Only one thing left to say, really.
Sigh. “Pleased for you, mate.”