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I gave a message to Ladybug.
Told her to meet me at a cafe on the outskirts of Paris. Not overly populated so we could have some privacy, but visited enough so we couldn't make a "super" scene.
Well, her anyway.
I won't use a Miraculous ever again.
Cat Noir, or this Cat Noir, is gone. As my former Kwami once put it, there'll always be others who can feed him that discusting cheese.
These days, I sometimes think I shouldn't have listened to him and left before Fu finally saw fit for me to know him. Not that I didn't make my fair share of mistakes, like with that time with that Party Crusher guy. But I digress.
It did me good in some form to be Cat Noir, like allowing me to gain more independence. But it simply swapped some bad stuff with other bad staff.
Nevertheless, I'll always remember my final fight as Cat Noir.
I was under the control of that Cerise witch and the Kingdom for weeks, spying for them. Guess Ladybug, Mayura or my "dear" disowned Argos should've known those rings were fake. Argos hadn't even bothered to sense if those rings I wore were amokized in the first place. And he always thought of himself as such a genius.
They wanted me to spy on my friends to see if they were part of the Miraculers. For you see, Chrysalis had a very good hunch about a pig-tailed girl. The data and identities they had from Hawkmoth for some the Miraculers didn't help. Felt bad about it at first, then I realized thay all knew. About me. About Monarch.
Eventually, as they captured all my former friends from the Miraculers, other heroes from other counties like Lady Dragon, the United Heroez, those Tokyo Zodiac Guys, and that Irupe girl were called to help, but they too fell. Others who knew, like my "dear" aunt Amelie and Mayura, who tried to play as a double agent for Ladybug to find Chrysalis' identity, were captured. Ma-Ladybug was finally captured, after she was hunted like a criminal.
Even Bunnyx was captured, and they had me test the Rabbit in case it was damaged.
The older Bunnyxes refused to help. Something about this being how it should be. Whatever. Tough she did give Ladybug a future Cat Miraculous so she could become Bug Noire. Spoiler. Didn't help much this time.
That left one hero unacounted.
Cat Noir. Tough most considered him a nuisance rather than an actual threat, and gave up. A mannequin to wear the Cat so that Ladybug wouldn't be to powerful. The worst part is that they were right. They lost interest when the had the "true" Cat Miraculous.
Luckly for me, that time with Desperada actually came in handy for once. When they forced me to reveal if I am or was ever a part of the Miraculers, I revealed I was Aspik. The order didn't specify if I was a hero in the present. Gotta love loopholes.
As for Cat Noir? I managed to sneak away to use the Miraxulous Cat Noir to wipe out Viperion's memory of my and Ladybug's identities. Though that was as much as I could do. Couldn't sent my Kwami to Ladybug; the hideout was covered in a membraine that worked like Kwamibuster's equipment. Would only capture him. So he stayed with me. Tried to apologise and comfort me for this mess. I ignored him.
As Cerise took the Ladybug earrings and the Cat ring from the future, she betrayed the Kingdom and started to make a wish; Gimmi's force field kept the others at bay. She only had me stand with her.
As a final act of cruelty toward Mar-the unmasked Ladybug, Cerise wanted to destroy her "toy", so she broke my rings with her cane.
What no one, not even the insightful Viperion, the genius Argos, the experienced Su-Han or the great and powerful Ladybug, knew was that human Sentinonsters, if they live long enough, actually evolve so they can exist without their amoks.
After a bout of pain that had me on my knees, I realised I had control again and quickly transformed and took down Cerise. Bashed her head instead of Cataclyaming her. I had many things taken from me, wasn't about to loose whatever soul I had to murdering Lila Rossi of all people.
Wothout an active user, Gimmi dissolved back into its componenet Kwamis. I took them and orher Miraculouses Chrysalis had on her, and prepared to fight the Kingdom. Arrogant rich fools tried to ambush me imediately, and I needed to dodge before I could take the Butterfly.
I manged to defeat most of them, broke Bob Roth's nose and left arm, blinded that Tsurugi witch again and broke both arms to teach her a lesson, broke the jaw of the guy who is that idiot Ray's dad. Left that Luxus guy without teeth, but gave him a black eye in return; how about that shiner, Diamond?
By the time I won, I realised Mayura's dad made himself scarce with the Butterfly.
The fury I felt at that moment was somewhow tempered by the (probably sick) satisfaction of seeing the shock of the Miraculers, especially Ladybug, once they realized that the one they tried to protect was actually the one they left in the dark and ended up hurting in the process.
I am so angry, and sad, and confused. I needed something, something impartial, that would guide me toward a resolution.
The next thing I did, I used the Ladybug Kwami's Lucky Charm, and the answer was simple.
I ordered the kwamis.
"You will stay with your Miraculouses in the air for about 30 minutes. Then you will let the Guardian and her soldiers out."
The Kwamis looked at me with sad and tired eyes (thought I saw some guilt there, but I wasn't sure).
I bolted. The next thing I did was to take some clothes from the mansion, CATACLYSMED the mansion, used the Miraculous Cat Noir to erase the memeories of people who shouldn't know of identities and secrets and took every penny I could find from my trust fund. Then I lost myself in the crowd.
That was about two weeks ago.
Returning to the present, I waited for about 15 minutes before I hear some commotion and see Ma-Ladybug helping a man lift his groceries after she accidentally bumped into him, probably from running, and caused them to fall. Same clumsy woman. I almost felt a smile on my face. Almost.
She saw me and immediately ran at my table. She was wearing a long coat with a pink scarf that matched my blue one. The one she, and not Hawky, made. God, that scarf feels like a bad, decade-long foreshadowing.
I continued to watch her as she, out of breath, watched me. She was wearing a hat to hide her disheveled hair, sunglasses to hide red eyes, wether from crying, sleepless nights or both, I couldn't tell. She was shaking, despite the black and green sweater and black pants with green...were those cat claw marks?! Are those...?!
"Are you in your pijamas?" I ask.
"Yes."
I look at her without saying anything.
"I rushed here. I was already halfaway when I realised I was in my pijamas. Didn't care much. You've seen me in my pijamas before." We both knew she could use a jetpack to fly back or have Pegasus do it.
Or she simply could've let me know she could be late. I was 95% sure she would be, anyway. That's just who she is.
"Didn't want to be late. Tough, as you saw, my clumsiness still causes me problems. Madly clumsy, as you know." she said, voice shaking but with with a hint of fondness in it.
Wish I could share that. Still, I couldn't stop looking at them.
"Yes. They're new, in case you're wondering. Made them for myself. Made a matching red and black pair for you.. well, Cat Noir. Was meant to be your Christmas present, but.. I don't think you'd want them now...." she said as she looked down, tears starting to form in her eyes.
Right...I wanted to meet her like this to talk this out.
"I..."
"I'M SORRY! FOR EVERYTHING. FOR NOT BEING A BETTER PARTNER, FOR NOT TRUSTING YOU, FOR NOT RELYING ON YOU! ON EITHER OF YOU! I...I KNOW THAT YOU PROBABLY HATE ME RIGHT NOW, BUT, PLEASE, PLEEEEAASSEE, LET ME..."
"MISS DUPAIN-CHENG!" I scream.
That shuts her up. She looks at me with wide eyes. Don't know if that's simple shock or shock laced with fear. I wish I could say I didn't care if she was scared of me. I couldn't. Probably never could.
I sigh.
"Look, I came here to say what I want to say, what I need to say. If you've ever cared enough about me, respected me enough...cared about this" I say as I wave between us "then you'll be quet and listen. Can you do that?" I ask seriously.
She looks hurt. I knew she probably feels incredibly guilty and that I probably pressed a deep wound, especially when I reffered to our former relationship. Good. It seems this is what makes her listen.
She nods, tears still in her eyes.
"Good." I say.
I close my eyes, put my thoughts in order, and begin.
"I don't hate you."
Her eyes widen.
"I know, I know, that you almost always try to save and protect and make everyone happy, despite hurting yourself. That's why you did what did, at least at first. That's why you're a hero. That's why you're you!"
I pause.
"You're brilliant, able to come with creative ideeas and designs, as well as tactical plans, in the span of a few moments. And those ideeas and designs can and did inspire people. That makes you a great leader, strategist, and artist. And you try to encourage others to express their fears and ideeas and potential and talents so they could be their best selves. Not for you or somenody else, but for their own self-confidence and mental and emotional peace. On top of that, you don't do this for fame or glory or money. You do this because it's the right thing to do."
She cries quetly, two rivers of tears falling from her eyes as she looks at me.
"All of these traits are what made me fall in love with you. And I don't think that will ever change."
She sobbed. An ugly, wretched sob escaled her throat. She didn't bother to hide it.
"Even when you kept secrets and lied, even about what I am, about who and what my father was, that was always with the best intentions. To protect me and the world. Despite the hurt those secrets caused, I see now that it was...I wouldn't say the right thing to do, but it was the only thing, at least in most cases. Sometimes, heroes need to make tough choices. When I was.. captured, and forced to test the Rabbit Miraculous for Chrysalis, I went at ou-your beginning, and witnessed Master Fu say you'll be a great Ladybug because of your creativity and desire to help others. Before he lost his memories, he stated you'll be the greatest gurdian ever. I agree with both, and I believe Fu would be proud of you. As for myself, I forgive you."
She smiled at me. Her eyes filled with hope. That was the worst part. Squashing that hope.
"Adri-" she tried to speak but I lifted my hand to silence her as I closed my eyes.
"However, I need to returm these to you."
I opened my bag and took out several things:
- The lucky charm bracelet Marinette gifted me during Gamer's first rampage. Incorporated in it is the Kwagatama that P-, that my..., that the Kwami of Destruction gave to me.
- The Mini-Miracle Box, which I opened to reveal the Cat Miraculous.
The hope in her did not deem, or dissapear.
It was Cataclysmed.
"Adrien....I don't understand...I thought...."
"I forgive you and I love you, but I don't trust you, Ladybug."
"Adrien, please..." she says brokenly.
"No. That's not right. I trust you are a good person, you are a great hero, you are everything Fu and the Order require from a Guardian....But, despite all of that, or perhaps because of that, I can't trust you as my partner. Romantic, in battle or in life."
"Wha...What?" the crying Guardian asks. "Why?"
"Because I am not a hero, or a good person. Not even sure I'm a person exactly...."
"YOU ARE!!! YOU'RE THE GREATEST, KINDEST, MOST LOVING, STRONGEST PERSON I HAVE OR WILL EVER HAVE THE HONOR, THE PRIVILAGE, OF KNOWING!"
I smile sadly, feeling tears in my own eyes.
"Kind words, Guardian. But, as I've said, I don't trust you. So your words have no value for me."
"Why...Why are you reffering to me as Miss, Guardian, or Ladybug? You know who I am! You know me!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT USING MY REAL NAME?!
"Because I don't know you."
"What?"
"I don't know you, Ladybug. Because that's who you are, who you've always been since I've met you."
"What do you...?"
"I never knew the girl without the Ladybug. And I'm confused. I tought I've known the girl, the woman, who is open with her feelings and thoughts and prone to clumsy messes and stalkerish behavior and who wants to be a great fashion designer. But then I've also known the Ladybug and the Guardian who keeps secrets about what SHE thinks is right and the rest of the word doesn't get a say, decided what I should and shouldn't know about ME or about my parents, lies, lies to an extreme, when she sees no other choice and gets others to do so as well, and drives herself so far into her work that when I tried to make a joke or help her, she either shouted at me to not waste her time, told me I don't understand but actively kept things from me, tried to manipulate me with revealing my identity to Viperion and that baldie without considering talking to ME and threw me into a trash can when I made a stupid joke."
She was silent and was looking away. So was I. And I wasn't even done.
"Nor did you tell me about the times I was akumatized."
Her eyes widened.
"How...How did you know about...Wait...You...You said TIMES?!"
"Oh...So you didn't know about Ephemeral..."
"Who?"
"Me, akumatized. For a second time. By Shadowmoth after he found out my identity. At that time YOU tricked me."
"I didn't...!"
"No, because you were interrupted by the temporal glitch."
She looked away, sniffling.
"That's not even the ideea. Let's forget about the "second time". Let's go back to the "first time". Hawkmoth akumatized me and I DESTROYED THE WHOLE WORLD."
Ladybug flinched.
I pauze, looking away.
"I'm sorry. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you to see me like that, or what I've done."
The Guardian closed her eyes, shaking again.
"Tha fact that you defeated me and stopped me from destroying the entire universe was proof of how strong you are and how you truly can do anything you put your mind to."
She didn't smile. But she did look at him.
"But you should have told me. Or talked to Fu. Then you two could've decided what to do. Like replace me."
"No"
"No?"
"No. You are not replaceable. Period."
"You say that because I'm Adrien."
"No. I say that because you are <span;>my Kitty. You are my partner."
I didn't say anything.
"Right..." she says, with a small laugh that sounded more like a sob. "You don't trust me. That's....that's fair. But the time in New York and that time with Catwalker as your replacement didn't make it clear that I want you as my partner?"
"Right....Catwalker." I said as I looked away.
"He was a good Cat user, but he wasn't you."
"He was."
"What?"
"Catwalker was me."
"WHAT?"
"I'm sure you're familiar with reinventing identities. Rena Rouge did it as Rena Furtive. Hawkmoth did it as Monarch. And you as Chronobug. Not that you needed to, anyway. Your regular Ladybug outfit was seen only at the press conference. Before and after that, you were either Bug Noire or... detransformed."
"How do you...?"
"Forced to use the rabbit, remember?"
"Why? Just...why? I know I don't really deserve to complain. But...Was you leaving part of some plan? To get me to fall in love with you?"
I raised my eyebrows.
"No. I was serious then."
She let out a snall sob.
"Now I wish it was a plan to get me to fall in love with you."
"Huh?"
"The alernative is that you decided to leave me again. And for a few seconds, the thought that you planned this with Plagg actually filled me with relief."
I...I was speechless.
"Why...Why did you think I was making a plan for that when were perfectly clear that you didn't feel like that?"
"Well, I know you left because I couldn't return your affections at the time-" She started to say.
"Wiat, what?"
"Yeah...Plagg told me.."
"He told you that I WHAT?"
"He told me that you left because I hurt your feelings because I couldn't return them."
I look at her...speechless.
"From our fight - if that could even be called a proper fight - that is what both you and the Kwami got from it?"
"I-"
"I left because of the secrets!! I wanted to be included, be a proper part of the team! I thought that, as the most senior member of it besides you, I could know some stuff to help lighten the load, but every time I asked, you were silent or told me it's your responsibility or to not worry about it."
I was on a role here. Seems pent up frustration really is a thing.
"I wanted to be your confidant, platonically! Yes, I loved- I love you, and yes, I wanted to know who you are, but I didn't expect your identity or your love. I only wanted to be your partner, your equal!"
She opened her mouth.
"If you say I was always that, when that was Rena, or Scarabella, as your heir to both the Ladybug and Guardianship, I'm leaving right now. " I said, my voice filled with venom. I didn't care. I'm tired of this charade.
She shut her mouth immediately. Good. Didn't know if the threat did it, or if she truly opened her eyes to the lie she told herself. Didn't care much. She could lie to herself as much as she wanted, as long as she leaves me out of this. She had no problem with that before.
After a few minutes of silence for me to calm down and for her to try not to cry, I speak again.
"A few weeks before the fight, you had literraly thrown me into the trash after I made that joke. And it was only a joke!!!"
She looked away.
"Furthermore. The more I tried to get involved, the more you pushed me away. You wanted to trick me with Viperion instead of talking to me like a normal person, you didn't tell me about Scarabella, which left me to think she was an anumatized villain. I fought her. I wanted to CATACLYSM her earrings and yo-yo thinking that's where the supposed akuma was! Furthemore, you started using new heroes, which was good, but you wanted to train them and guide them by yourself, and you and Fu never thought to let me choose someone I deemed worthy!"
I couldn't help the bitter laugh.
"Tough I guess it didn't matter, because every close friend of mine was already chosen. The only person that was seeingly confirmed to not be a current weilder was Multimouse, who was the only permanently removed hero for getting her identity blown away to me, not Hawkmoth, so that wouldn't have worked. You made a good illusion, I give you that. "I though you guys shared everything. HA!" What a joke Cat Noir was.... You know, taking that book from Mothy's safe was what ultimately got you and Fu that knowkedge. But now, I wish I'd never found it. Because then everything started to change. I wish I'd never found that stupid book. It only brought pain and misery both short and long-term!"
"I'M SORRY!!!! she screamed .
That shut me up.
"I...I'm sorry. I only now realize I didn't properly apologise to you about any of that. I'm sorry. So sorry. For that. For everything." she says with a trembling voice, and I believe her.
"I forgive you. I'm sorry, too. About the Catwalker fiasco and other things."
"Other things?"
"Like Aspik"
"Oh...OHHHH....IT WAS YOU!"
"Yeah. I admit that was a blunder on my part. I seemed to fail more and more with each try. One time, ut of sheer hopelesness, I even revealed my identity to you because I knew it wouldn't matter."
"How...how many...?"
"25.913 times, but who's counting." I say, at a poor attempt at a joke. Guess it's my dafault Senti-setting.
"You...You've tried so many times just to prove you can be useful to me."
I stayed quiet.
She tentatively snaked her hand across the table and around mine.
"Thank you. Thank you for trying."
I huff.
"I'm serious. Not only did you try for months, but accepted that it wasn't your job."
I stay silent.
"I'm 100% sure that Luka succeded only because you were there. And that experience served you well during that Miracle Queen fight. You even saved me from mind control. You were the key to that victory. I thank you, Adrien."
I raise a brow. How did she-
"Sass told me."
"Ah."
For a few minutes, we stay quiet, processing the new info.
After a few minutes, she asks.
"As long we're completely honest, any other things you've kept to yourself?"
"Well, you already know this, but I aready knew Rena and Carapace's identities. Carapace let it out when he thought he was being cheated on with me. Though now I kinda know the feeling with those three Stooges' actions while akumatized."
Ladybug shivered. She didn't want to remember Heartfixer.
"I'm sorry. It mustn't have been easy finding out like this."
"No. And so close to when I found out about Scarabella."
"I'm sorry..." she said, devastated.
"I should have let you have a safe person. Like me."
"Wouldn't have mattered. The only safe persons I could think off were Multimouse, so tht was a hard NO, and Carapace, who tought of Cat Noir as the sidekick grovelling at Ladybug's feet and flirting with any other girl when he could."
"No way he said that."
"He did. Was mostly in anger over the percieved betrayal, though. He was partially right."
"HE WAS NOT!"
"Cat Noir was always a sidekick. That's what he was meant to be."
"NO!"
Instead of rebuffing her, I say.
"That's all of the things I've had as secrets."
Sensing I wasn't going to believe her anyway, she changes the subject.
"Well, at least you had your own secrets to keep, huh? I mean I know those aren't as inportant as mine, but..."
"Ladybug, I only had those secrets because they didn't matter in the long run. Catwalker was a one-time thing, as was Aspik. As for Rena and Carapace, both you and Shadowmoth knew who they were. So that didn't matter either."
Ladybug stayed silent. She was thinking how to salvage this. Instead, I say this.
"Though I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that I knew when this Chrysalis showed up. Not that it mattered anyway."
We stayed silent for about 5 minutes. Processing everything.
"Again. I'm sorry, too." she says with a tentative smile. "But now, we can rebuilt from scratch and-".
"No."
"Adrien....Wether it was you or not, did Catwalker or our returning partnership against Monarch not convince you that I want and need you as my partner? As my Kitty?"
"Yes, I knew you wanted me as Cat Noir back. So? Nothing ever changes."
"Butt...!"
"No secrets were revealed after Monarch's announcement, or after his deafeat. Every time, you said you'd let me in and that I'm irreplaceable, and you might even mean it at the time, but something always comes up. New Guardianship, Monarch's Reign, your lie. The only reason I didn't ask further is because I felt I was overstepping due to not being there to fight Monarch with you. Not that I knew where you were, or how you found out. But if Cat Blanc and Ephemeral were any more obvious, I actually made the right choice in sending the Cat's Ring to you."
Mari-The Guardian flinches.
"Rena, I understand. Viperion and Su-Han too. Even Ryuko. But you were fine with Argos and Mayura, your former enemies knowing who you are. Heck, you revealed yourself and your biggest lie to the whole dang TEAM except for Cat Noir!"
"Please, I know there were several, I know I don't deserve this, but please! Give me one more chance. Fu knew we were the perfect duo! That's why he chose us!" she said, and I think we both know that she was desperate to say something like that.
"I did tell you I witnessed Fu at your beginning, right?"
"Yeah. What-"
"He said to Wayzz that we were perfect for each other. He said about you exactly what I said to you now."
She stayed silent, probably sensing there was a "but" ready.
"About me? He said that I have the necessary personality to listen to you."
Silence. She didn't know what to say.
"So no. If anything, Cat Noir was always just supposed to follow orders and be told however much someone else deems fit. I'm the fool here, really. I thought being Cat Noir would allow me some freedom, but I was held in a cage of lies and secrets. And the worst part? It didn't really matter because everything worked out, so both you and Fu were apparently right in keeping me in the dark."
"NO! No, we were not! I was not! Please, Adrien!"
"No."
"Adri-"
"I NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY!"
Ladybug shut up.
"I...I need to come to terms with what I am, and what my parents' fates were because of me."
"You are NOT at fault for their fates. They literraly did it to thenselves with their hands-".
"AND I need to find my place."
"Your place is here. With-"
"You?"
"...."
"That's what I'm saying. Monarch's son, Ladybug's partner/boyfriend. I need a place where I can find people who will choose me and be honest with me, about good and bad stuff! My father and my supposed partner both actually became my bosses and I had to go by THEIR rules!!! Since you becane Guardian, being Cat Noir felt like being Adrien at my house with him!"
Ladybug's eyes widened. After a moment of silence, she got up and ran to a nearby bush and wretched. Guess she finally noticed the similarities between her and Monarch. After about 10 minutes, she returned.
However, instead of sitting down, she fell to her knees near me and grasped my hand.
"Please...PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!"
I looked at her. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"Please. Let me at least come with you. Let me try and make up for my mistakes."
After a few seconds of silence, I revealed the Lucky Charm I summoned after the final battle.
"After all of...that, I needed something completely imperial to give me a sign of what to do. I didn't know if to leave or to stay, so I literally let the universe guide me."
It was a a simple red paper with a giabt blaxk spot on which there was only two red words.
Go forth.
The Guardian started to beg again.
"Adrien, please."
"I'm also leaving you your lucky charm bracelet. It's function is to bring good luck, so it's obvious it doesn't work for me. Because everything got gradually worse after I got it."
"Adrien..." Ladybug said, sobbing.
"Have a nice life, Marinette."
I got up and left, choosing to ignore the sobs behind me.
It was time for a true fresh start.