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“Katara…”
Her water glows in her trembling hands over the dark pink flesh. It has long since healed, no longer raw, but it’s not enough.
“Katara.”
She discards the water and calls forth more from a basin. It glows brighter, nearly white, but the scar does not fade.
It’s so hot. So much fire, red and blue. A burning world.
Not enough. Not enough. It will never be be enough. Not after…
“Katara!”
His voice jarred her back to reality. She was in his bedroom, not on the battlefield. The only fire was the one that raged in her mind.
“Katara, stop. Please.” Zuko dipped his hand into the water to clasp hers. “I’m okay.”
The water undulated at his intrusion as Katara’s control fractured. “No you’re not.” Her voice was hoarse, her vocal chords rubbed raw from nights spent sobbing in the room next door.
Zuko’s grip tightened. “I haven’t felt any pain for days. We don’t need to keep doing these healing sessions.” He cracked a weak smile. “Not that I don’t enjoy them.” These were some of the only quiet moments he got in his hectic days as the newly crowned Fire Lord. The sessions were necessary for a while after his final battle with Azula, but he hadn’t needed them for a while now. At first he kept the act up for selfish reasons, chief among them to postpone his goodbye to Katara.
When he finally came clean and she didn’t leave, he thought perhaps she didn’t want to say goodbye either. But the longer she stayed, the more nights he heard her sobbing through the wall, unsure of whether his presence would help or hurt, the more he thought these sessions were still needed. Just not for him.
“You can’t…” Katara murmured. Water droplets began to slip down his abdomen. Her shoulders shook. “You can’t have...another...”
Zuko tightened his grip on her hand. “Another what?”
She met his gaze with misty eyes. “Scar,” she whispered.
If not for the tortured expression on her face, Zuko would have laughed. “Katara, it’s fine. It’s nothing new for me.” The water bubble burst along with Katara. Zuko paid no mind to the soaked sheets as he sprung up and pulled his crying friend into a hug. He cradled the back of her head against his chest and rocked her back and forth. He hadn’t seen her cry this hard since she spared Yon Rha’s life. “It’s okay. Everything’s okay,” he whispered into the crown of her head.
Katara balled her fist against his bare chest. “No it’s not! If I hadn’t run into that courtyard, Azula wouldn't have…and if you hadn’t…” Fresh sobs racked her body and Zuko held her tighter. His heart ached. He desperately wanted to heal her pain like she had his. “It’s all my fault! I’m so sorry!” she cried.
That’s what she thought all this time? That notion was so divorced from his memory of that day that it had never even occurred to him. Now he kicked himself for not seeing it. He rubbed his hand up and down her back and kissed her hairline, doing his best to calm her down though his own eyes were beginning to sting as his guilt rose and mingled with hers. Eventually her body went slack and quiet, utterly spent from the exertion of grief. “Katara, look at me.” She slowly dragged herself up just enough to see his face. Her eyes were red and blue ringed with black. Zuko kept one hand on her shoulder to prop her up. “I want to keep it,” he said simply.
Katara’s eyes opened and shut like old windows on rusted hinges. “What?” she croaked.
Zuko took her hand and pressed it to the puckered flesh on his abdomen. “I want to keep it.”
Steady. His gaze, his voice, his touch. Everything about him in this moment was steady while she was falling apart. Memories bathed in green flashed through Katara’s mind. The first time she touched the scar on his face. The first time she dared to think of him as human. She wanted to heal him then, she really did. She knew now that the scar on his face hurt every day and she couldn’t bear the thought of him feeling that pain anew. “Why?” If she’d just stayed out of the way he wouldn’t have had to save her. He nearly died because of her. That scar was a reminder of her foolishness. She needed to erase it, needed to forget what she did to him, needed him to forget before he could grow to resent her because surely he would.
“I want to remember how we saved each other.”
If Katara hadn’t cried out every tear she had, she would have started again. “But—”
“No.” He took her face in both hands and fixed her with pleading eyes. “Do you know why I asked you to face Azula with me?” Katara shook her head no. “Because I knew if she tried to hurt you, I wouldn’t hesitate. You were the one person I knew for sure I would do anything to protect.”
She heard him, but her mind was too hazy to understand. “Zuko...what are you saying?”
What was he saying? Why had he waited so long to tell her he was healed? Why couldn’t he bring himself to say goodbye? With gentle hands, he tilted her face down and leaned his forehead against hers. “I needed you with me.” ‘I still do,’ he couldn’t admit. “This scar is proof that I protected you.”‘That I love you.’ “So please stop trying to take it away from me.” ‘Please don’t go.’
Katara hung on every word, fighting through the fog to follow him. It sounded like for him, this scar was a badge of honor. She felt like there was more he wasn’t saying, but it was probably her addled mind playing tricks on her.
Zuko felt her hands, still damp with healing water, cup his face. “Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll stop.” They sat like that for a little while, breathing each others’ air until Katara’s head began to droop.
“You’re exhausted,” Zuko said. Katara sat back in her chair and nodded. “You should stay a few more days to rest before you...go home.” He hoped she wouldn’t notice the slight hesitation in his voice. With a lazy wrist motion, Katara pulled the moisture from his sheets and let it slosh into the basin. He was preparing to bid her goodnight when she leaned in to him. Their faces were inches apart as she clenched the bed sheet behind his thigh. “Katara…” his heart raced, eyelids drooped, lips parted, and… She climbed over him and collapsed onto the other side of the bed facing away. “What are you doing?” Zuko asked breathlessly. He felt like he’d gotten whiplash.
“Can I stay here?” Katara asked, peeking over her shoulder. “Just for tonight,” she added hastily. Zuko smiled and nodded. Katara kicked off her shoes right away and slipped under the silk sheets. Zuko slid in beside her and kept a respectful distance. He felt her scoot a little closer. Carefully, he reached out and brushed his fingers along her arm. “C’mere,” she mumbled. Zuko didn’t need to be told twice. He moved towards her incrementally, ready to stop at a moment’s notice. She didn’t ask him to. He settled in behind her, one arm draped over her waist, the other under her pillow. Her contented sigh made him melt. “Just for tonight,” she mumbled. It sounded like sleep was already taking her.
Zuko squeezed her close. “Just for tonight.” ‘As long as you want.