Chapter Text
It was just before 7 a.m., a quiet Sunday morning. Robert was already at the coffee shop. Not like he was doing much sleeping anyway.
He felt sick to his stomach.
No matter what Herman said, he knew he’d have to move forward.
Herman had every right to be angry. To walk away.
“I’ve lost people before,” Robert thought to himself.
But this felt different.
He saw the old Buick pull into the lot.
There was no going back now.
He watched closely as Herman stepped out of the car. Robert’s body tightened as he drew closer to the building.
Herman stepped out of the Buick, closing the door a little softer than usual.
He paused for a second, keys still in his hand, eyes drifting toward the building.
“…okay,” he muttered under his breath.
He made his way up, pushing the door open.
The bell chimed.
Warm air hit him, the smell of coffee right behind it.
He spotted Robert almost immediately.
Already standing.
That alone felt… off.
Herman slowed slightly as he got closer, studying him without making it obvious.
“…hey,” he said, giving a small nod. “You’re up early.”
Robert met him at the door.
“Hey, Herm,” he said, a little quieter than usual. “It’s good to see you.”
Herman gave a small, polite smile.
“Yeah,” he said. “You too.”
A beat.
He glanced past him, then back.
“…you’ve been here long?”
“No,” Robert said quietly. “Just a few minutes.”
He gestured slightly.
“Here… let’s sit.”
They made their way to the table.
Herman noticed it immediately.
Robert was stiff.
His arms didn’t sit right at his sides, shoulders drawn up like he was holding something in.
Herman didn’t say anything.
Not yet.
They sat.
Robert leaned forward slightly, hands resting on the table, but his fingers wouldn’t stay still. His eyes stayed down, locked somewhere between the surface and nothing at all.
For a second, Herman thought he might actually be sick.
“Robert,” he said, leaning in a little, voice lower now. “Are you okay?”
Robert’s eyes lifted slowly.
It took effort.
He let out a short, uncomfortable laugh.
“I was gonna try some small talk first,” he said. “But I don’t think I can.”
Herman’s eyes widened slightly.
“…okay,” he said.
Robert swallowed.
“Herman…” he started, his voice tightening just a bit. “I asked you here because I need to talk to you about something.”
Herman felt his stomach drop.
This wasn’t a normal conversation.
Not a check in.
Not a favor.
Whatever Robert was about to say… it was going to change something.
“Herman,” Robert began.
He stopped for a second.
“I’m Mecha.”
The words didn’t come out fast.
They dropped.
Like they’d been sitting there for a long time.
Robert pulled in a breath deeper than he meant to and finally looked up.
Herman didn’t react.
Not immediately.
His brow tightened slightly.
Then he let out a small laugh.
Forced.
“…you’re joking,” he said quieter than he meant to.
Robert didn’t answer.
That was the first thing that made Herman’s stomach tighten.
“You’re not serious,” Herman said louder now. “You’re m messing with me.”
His hands tightened against the edge of the table.
Robert swallowed hard.
“I figured you’d say something like that.”
His voice sounded strained now.
Not playful.
Not dramatic.
Honestly scared.
He reached for his phone fumbling it slightly before finally unlocking it.
“Here.” He pushed out a breath. “Just… look.”
He turned the screen toward him.
Pictures.
Not staged.
Not clean.
Robert in the suit with the helmet off.
Another half suited up with his hands braced against the chest piece.
Another backstage with cables hanging around him while the rest of the suit sat behind him.
One more after a show sitting exhausted with the upper half removed, sweat soaked hair stuck to his forehead.
Real.
All of it felt painfully real.
Herman stared at the screen.
Then at Robert.
Then back again.
Robert looked terrified.
That hit almost harder than the pictures did.
Not proud.
Not smug.
Terrified.
Like Herman might stand up and leave.
Like he’d ruin everything by saying it out loud.
“I wanted to tell you earlier,” Robert admitted quietly. “I just…” He shook his head once. “…every time I tried I thought you’d look at me differently afterward.”
That settled heavily between them.
“I d didn’t want to lose you over it either,” Robert added quietly.
That one landed hard.
Herman leaned back slowly, his hands pressing harder into the edge of the table like he needed something solid underneath him.
His heartbeat started climbing.
Loud.
Sharp.
He looked at Robert again.
And suddenly everything started rearranging itself.
The audition.
The way Robert watched him.
The way he listened.
The karaoke night.
The protectiveness.
The way Robert looked at him when he sang.
It didn’t feel new.
It felt confirmed.
And somehow that almost made it worse.
Because suddenly Herman realized something terrifying.
Robert chose him.
Not as Mecha.
Not as some famous musician.
Robert Robertson saw him walk into that room terrified out of his mind and kept choosing him over and over again afterward.
Herman’s chest tightened painfully.
“…Robert,” he said quieter now. “Can you… excuse me for a second?”
He stood before Robert could answer fully, the chair scraping softly against the floor.
“Herm—”
“I just need a second,” Herman said quickly.
Not angry.
Overwhelmed.
Then he disappeared toward the restroom.
The door shut behind him.
The room immediately felt too small.
Herman moved toward the sink gripping the edge of it tightly while staring at himself in the mirror.
“…what the hell.”
His breathing came uneven now.
Not panicked.
But close.
“…why did he wait so long to tell me,” he muttered.
His reflection didn’t answer.
He looked down at the sink.
Then back up again.
“…Mecha.”
It still didn’t sound real.
Didn’t fit beside Robert’s face in his head.
His mind started moving too fast again.
Mecha.
Actual Mecha.
The posters on his bedroom wall when he was younger.
Late nights laying in bed with headphones on listening to albums all the way through.
Watching old concert videos over and over because something about them made him feel less alone.
The voice.
The stage presence.
The mystery.
The person sitting across from him had already existed in his life years before he ever walked into SDM.
“…oh my God.”
Herman physically grabbed the sink harder.
His thoughts kept stacking over each other now.
Robert watching him sing.
Robert sitting beside him in the car.
Robert laughing with him.
Robert listening to him ramble.
Robert fixing his bass.
Robert holding him.
And somehow all of those memories were colliding violently now with giant stages and chrome armor and screaming crowds.
“…he was THERE,” Herman whispered to himself.
Not physically.
Emotionally.
Mecha had been there during some of the loneliest years of Herman’s life without Robert ever knowing it.
And now suddenly the two versions of him were crashing together in Herman’s head so hard it almost hurt.
“…Jesus Christ.”
Herman covered part of his face with one hand pacing now.
“I h have the shirts,” he laughed weakly in disbelief. “I have the fucking posters.”
His face burned red immediately afterward.
“…my celebrity crush.”
Another breath.
“…out loud.”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
“…to him.”
That one hit him hard all over again.
But underneath the embarrassment sat something heavier now.
Robert trusted him enough to say it.
To hand him the thing he hid from the entire world.
Herman stopped pacing slowly, the room finally starting to steady around him.
Because underneath all the mythology and panic and confusion sat one simple truth that refused to move.
Robert was still Robert.
Still the man who looked at him softly across tables.
Still the man who remembered little things about him.
Still the man who made him feel safe somehow.
“…it’s still him,” Herman said quietly.
That settled into his chest slowly.
Not perfectly.
But enough.
“…it’s still Robert.”
He let out one long breath before finally pushing himself away from the sink.
“…okay.”
More steady this time.
Then he turned and headed back out.
The minutes stretched.
Robert sat alone at the table, his leg bouncing uncontrollably beneath it. His hands were clasped so tightly together his knuckles had gone pale.
He kept staring toward the hallway waiting for Herman to come back.
Or not come back.
And somehow that possibility hurt more than anything else.
Then a door shut.
Robert looked up immediately.
Herman.
Walking back toward the table.
Robert straightened slightly without meaning to.
Herman stopped beside him.
“What… coffee do you want?” he asked.
Robert blinked, thrown off for a second.
“Uh just… black,” he said, a little winded. “Black coffee.”
Herman nodded once and turned toward the counter.
The woman behind it glanced between them as he stepped up. She leaned in slightly.
“Honey… everything okay?”
Herman gave a small smile.
“It w will be,” he said.
She studied him for a second, then smiled back.
“Good. What can I get for you?”
“Iced vanilla,” Herman said. “And a black drip.”
She nodded and moved quickly, setting the drinks out a moment later.
Herman picked them up and headed back to the table.
He sat down slowly, staring intently at Robert like he was still trying to fit two different people together in his head.
“Robert…” Herman started quietly. “Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
Robert looked down at the table, his fingers tightening slightly around the cup.
“…because I knew what it would do,” he said.
He exhaled.
“You’d look at me different. And I didn’t want that.”
Herman didn’t interrupt.
Robert kept going.
“I didn’t think it mattered at first,” he admitted. “You were just… supposed to be another client. Somebody coming through.”
He paused, jaw tightening slightly.
“But then you weren’t.”
Robert swallowed.
“You actually cared about it,” he said quietly. “The music. My music.” A small breath. “You weren’t trying to get something out of it.”
He looked up now.
“I didn’t want to mess that up.”
Another pause.
“I didn’t want you thinking I was… something else. Or that everything between us was fake.”
Herman’s expression shifted slightly at that.
Robert held it there.
“…I didn’t want to disappoint you,” he admitted quietly. “…not like that.”
Herman stayed quiet for a second before finally leaning back slightly.
“…you keep saying that,” he said quietly. “That I’d look at you different.”
A breath.
“…you don’t get to decide that for me.”
The words hung between them.
Herman wrapped one hand around his coffee cup without lifting it.
“I mean… yeah,” he continued softer now. “You ARE different. You’re Mecha. That’s…” He shook his head once. “…that’s n not nothing.”
A pause.
“But that’s not the part that matters.”
Silence.
Herman exhaled slowly.
“You didn’t disappoint me,” he said.
He hesitated before adding quietly,
“You just didn’t trust me.”
That one stayed there.
Heavy.
Herman looked down briefly before forcing himself to continue.
“…and I d don’t really know what to do with that yet.”
Robert leaned back slightly.
Not defensive.
Just tired.
“…yeah,” he admitted quietly. “That’s fair.”
A small breath.
“I think…” He paused. “…I thought I was protecting what we had.”
His jaw tightened faintly.
“But really I was just trying to control it.”
The words sat between them.
“I’m sorry,” he said simply.
Herman nodded once.
Not quickly.
Just once.
“…okay.”
He looked down at the coffee in his hands turning it slightly before looking back up again.
“I believe you,” he added quietly.
A breath.
“But it doesn’t make the feeling disappear.”
Silence.
“I’m still trying to f figure out what’s real and what isn’t,” Herman admitted quietly. “Like… how much of you was just you and how much of it was…” He stopped shaking his head once. “I d don’t even know how to ask that.”
He looked down at the coffee in his hands.
“I hate that this is even in my head now,” he admitted. “Because none of it felt fake.”
His eyes lifted again.
“The way you talked to me… listened to me…”. “…none of that felt calculated.”
Another breath.
“…right?”
Not accusing.
Just needing it.
Robert didn’t hesitate.
“Yeah.”
Immediate.
“It was real.”
“All of it.”
He leaned forward slightly now.
Not pushing.
Just present.
“I didn’t fake any of that,” he said quietly. “The way I talked to you, listened to you… that was me.”
His eyes stayed on Herman’s.
“That’s the part I was scared of losing.”
Silence settled again.
Not as sharp now.
But still there.
“…okay,” Herman said quietly.
He looked down at his coffee before speaking again.
“So… you just let me talk about you like that.”
Robert’s expression tightened slightly.
“The whole…” Herman swallowed awkwardly. “‘Celebrity crush’ thing.”
“In front of everyone.”
His eyes stayed on Robert now.
“…you just let me take it that far?”
Robert looked down for a second.
“…yeah,” he admitted quietly. “I did.”
A small breath.
“I didn’t know what to do.”
He shook his head once.
“I didn’t want to stop you, and I didn’t want to pretend I didn’t hear it either.”
His eyes came back up.
“So I just… froze.”
Herman looked down at the table.
“I get that,” he admitted quietly.
A small breath.
“But you have to understand what that feels like on my end.”
He looked back up.
“I thought I was just saying something stupid,” he said. “Something I’d regret later.”
A faint humorless smile crossed his face.
“…which I still might.”
“But you were just sitting there,” Herman continued quietly. “Knowing exactly what I meant.”
His jaw tightened faintly.
“And I didn’t.”
Silence.
“That’s what I keep getting stuck on,” Herman admitted.
Robert nodded slowly.
“…yeah.”
Another breath.
“I get that.”
He looked down briefly before continuing.
“You were saying something real,” he said quietly. “And I was the only one in the room who actually knew what it meant.”
That sat heavily between them.
“That wasn’t fair to you.”
“I should’ve said something. Or stopped it. Or…” He shook his head once. “…something.”
His eyes stayed on Herman’s.
“I didn’t think about what that would feel like for you afterward.”
Another pause.
“I’m sorry for that too.”
Herman sat quietly for a second.
Then nodded.
Not like everything was fixed.
Just acknowledging it.
“…okay,” he said softly.
He picked up his coffee finally taking a sip before setting it back down again.
“I’m not gonna pretend that doesn’t affect me,” he admitted. “It does.”
His eyes stayed on Robert.
“But I’m still here.”
That one visibly hit Robert hard.
Herman leaned back slightly afterward.
“I just need a second to figure out what this is now,” he added quietly.
There was a long silence between them afterward.
But it wasn’t heavy anymore.
It was calm.
Robert slowly reached across the table resting his hand lightly over Herman’s.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
Herman’s smile came back slowly.
He lifted his head meeting Robert’s eyes again.
It’s still him.
“…so,” Herman said softly, a faint smile forming now. “You’re Mecha.”
A quiet breath.
“And you’re still Robert.”
He let out a soft laugh.
“S so… what do we do now?”
Robert smiled.
“I think we just keep doing what we’ve been doing,” he said quietly. “Just… a little different.”
They sat there a while longer.
Robert’s coffee going cold. The ice melting in Herman’s.
Neither of them in a rush to leave.