Chapter Text
The last part of their stay in Námo’s realm had been absolutely mind-numbingly boring, without any redeeming quality in Celegorm’s opinion, but right now, he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t have preferred to still be in the halls of the dead.
The feeling of being in a body again was downright foreign to his fëa and he had to fight to contain the nausea and instinct to flee it.
“Ugh. That is… Extremely disturbing.” He heard one of his brothers say, Curufin. Good, he was there too.
“It’s actually interesting to note that being in a body can become such a foreign feeling…” Maedros mused.
“Nelyo, another word and I’ll bite you.” Maglor grumbled, sounding strangely like an extremely grumpy cat to Celegorm’s ears.
“Why did we wait so long to return to life, someone remind me please?” The twins whined.
“Because we collectively decided that we should wait to come back all together instead of one by one when we were ready and allowed to leave individually.” Caranthir answered helpfully.
“If it induced this feeling right now, then it was a stupid idea.” Celegorm grumbled.
But… that was everyone accounted for. Maedhros and Maglor, Caranthir and Curufin and the twins. And… Where was Celebrimbor?
Celegorm looked around and saw Celebrimbor looking comically well and bright-eyed next to his father who was looking like he was going to throw up if he moved even so much as a finger.
Yes, all accounted for. Good.
They hadn’t separated since Maglor slid into death sometimes in the second age, arriving in the Hall moments after Celebrimbor himself did, Celegorm really didn’t want to imagine being separated from one of his siblings now that they were returned to life.
Their stay in Mandos had been… An experience that Celegorm hoped to never live again. It had been filled with boredom and heartache. They had been placed in what looked like a single room, a cell, filled with tapestries that seemingly forever showed, over and over again, their worst regrets. Every time they looked…
They could choose of course to not watch the tapestries… And let boredom drive them mad. Or they could watch, and grief would do the same, until they came into a resolution. They had taken some time to understand it. They came to terms with their issues. That had been the extremely badly executed in their not so humble opinions aim of the Halls.
Maedhros decided they should forgive the Powers on the ground that no one wanted to start a new war against a vala. For now. And the tapestries all disappeared when Celebrimbor arrived, in need of healing and of his family’s fëar to strengthen him after what Sauron did to him.
The only one missing was their father who was to remain in the hall still, his fëa still healing. Or too busy arguing with the maia of Námo and Námo himself to bother caring to come back right now, Celegorm wasn’t too clear on the matter, and frankly really didn’t want to know in the first place.
Celegorm felt the nausea come back in a sudden wave and closed his eyes tightly, he wasn’t going to throw up. He really didn’t want to throw up.
“Can I do something to help?” Celebrimbor asked simply, still sitting next to his green-faced father.
“You can pretend you’re not absolutely ecstatic at being back to life, thanks.” One of the twins noted, absolutely disgruntled.
“Alright. I’m very sorry we’re all back to life.” Celebrimbor cheerfully said.
Maedhros couldn’t help it and started laughing at that, exchanging a look with Maglor who soon joined him in his hilarity.
“Believable and all.” Celegorm snorted, faintly amused.
“Don’t encourage his doubtful sense of humor!” Curufin grumbled.
Really, Celegorm would call it whining, but he understood well that his brother was really not enjoying being back to life for the moment…
And it was damn hard to remember that he was supposed to want to be alive for it to stick.
“Did Dread Námo warn someone of our return or are we going to barge in and scream ‘surprise’ at Arafinwë’s face?” Celegorm suddenly wondered.
The king of the Noldor would have been Finwë but meeting their grand-father in the halls had been… Interesting. Fëanor and Fingolfin both had had long explanations with the elf. Miriel herself apparently had had some choice words for Finwë. For his illogic behavior regarding both his wives and his children from both his wives…
And Celegorm thought he remembered his father saying that Finwë decided that if Finarfin was a well liked king he wouldn’t fight to get the crown back upon reimbodiement.
Celegorm hoped it’d turn out to be true because he really didn’t want to have to deal with Finwë again.
“King Arafinwë was warned and is waiting with his entourage in the village down the path in front of you.” A maia of Námo said, remaining at a careful distance of Celegorm, standing behind Eonwë... And when did this maia arrive anyway?!
“Herald.” Maedhros greeted Eonwë cautiously.
Eonwë was carrying a box that somehow seemed important, something that made Celegorm feel hungry and grabby and…
Celegorm closed his eyes tight and tried to breathe through the feelings. Oh he knew what the box was holding. There was no mistaking the feeling of the oath awakened. He didn’t want to start this new life by attacking a maia of Manwë no matter how stupid and ‘in your face’ the maia could be…
“My lord Manwë, in his great mercy has decided to allow you access to the last Silmaril holding your oath incomplete.”
Oh Celegorm could just feel his brothers also restraining themselves tightly while Eonwë pronounced his little discourse and was just yapping on and on and on… The maia clearly never learnt to read a room.
“Eonwë!” Maedhros snapped finally even as Celegorm’s nerves were all singing with the need for violence and blood and he had no weapon but so help him he’d BITE Eonwë if he needed to…
Eonwë put the box in Maedhros’ hands, and they all stepped closer as their elder brother opened the box, hands shaking. He tried to reach for the gem but the burning memory of the last Silmaril he had in hand held him back. The memory of the pain seeping through their Osanwë bound.
Maglor didn’t even dare look toward the box for the same reason. He yearned, but he feared.
Celegorm held no such fear. If he needed to burn his hand in order to have that cursed oath of them out of their collective lives permanently then so be it.
He grabbed the Silmaril…
And instantly, they felt as if a weight had been lifted from their fëa, as if a bound holding them by the throat was suddenly gone and they could breathe for the first time in forever.
His hand didn’t burn. The Silmaril hadn’t burnt him. Was it because they were given the gem this time, or because they served their time in Mandos and he learnt to accept the punishment for his deeds? Or did the Powers forgive their deeds?
Maglor fell to his knees, shock ringing throughout his body, and Celegorm let the gem escape his hand, wanting nothing more than to throw the cursed thing for which they destroyed their lives once away from him.
Curufin caught it as it fell and flung it back to Eonwë, who yelped as he caught it, frantic about not letting it fall on the floor.
Like something as simple as falling on the grass and soft soil could damage that stupid gem!
Curufin then slid against Celegorm. The elder of the two could feel him shiver against him. They were all light-headed. They were all feeling… Feelings. All of the feelings, all at once. They wanted to cry and laugh and scream and…
Celegorm eyed Eonwë thoughtfully, as the maia announced he would return the gem to Earendil. Maedhros told him their collective agreement. Void, none of them wanted to keep the thing close to them. In the sky was still too close in Celegorm’s opinion.
Eonwë disappeared.
The maia of Námo also disappeared.
The Oath was gone for good…
It didn’t matter why the Silmaril didn’t burn him now. It just didn’t. Perhaps later he’d care to know. Or he’d have forgotten everything about it.
Right now, the nausea and general ache was still there despite their collective mildly hysterical joy at having no more terrible oath hanging over their heads.
They remained there a little while longer, just basking under the sun, just happy to live in the moment. To live knowing that they could actually live for themselves this time.
Well, and to repair what they broke the first time around certainly. They owed thousands of apologies between them, if people wanted them.
But unfortunately, far too soon, it appeared that knowing Arafinwë was waiting for them in the village down from Mandos’ gates made Maedhros decide that they really should start to hurry up and get down the path.
It’s with a groan that the eldest of the siblings stood up, although wasn’t Maglor technically older than all of them now? Since he survived them all for years?
“Celegorm, up!” Maedhros called, seeing that his fair brother wasn’t actually moving, eyes lost in contemplation.
“Who’s the oldest? Maedhros or Maglor?” Celegorm asked, starting to rise.
“Absolutely Maedhros. I don’t have the patience to claim firstborn rights over you lot. That’s out of the question. Nelyo can keep it!” Maglor answered immediately.
Celegorm tilted his head to the side and then shrugged. That was fair enough. He wouldn’t want it either in his brother’s stead so…
“Really, Tyelko? That’s what bothers you right now? Not the thousands of people who hate us on principle alone and may totally be already planning to send us back to Mandos or make our lives miserable?!” Curufin grumbled.
“I think that the kinslayings are a bit more than just a principle, but…” Caranthir pointed out, making a show of examining his nails.
“You know what I mean. And stay out of my conversations with our brother!” Curufin snapped.
Celebrimbor shook his head, fondly amused, as they all started to walk, slowly, down the path leading to a village, all the while bickering like only siblings in a bad mood could.
Celegorm grinned at his nephew and cheerfully bite back an answer to Ambarrussa’s latest jib at Curufin.
They arrived at the village and Arafinwë seemed to look both tense and extremely tired at the mere sight of them. That alone was a victory as far as Celegorm was concerned. Arafinwë wasn’t a bad sort, so to speak. He was just excessively boring and needed to be a bit shaken up if Celegorm had any say about it.
Not that he had any say about it usually, so Celegorm would take what he could.