Chapter Text
It was a normal day in Tenshukaku, the home of the inexorable Narukami Ogosho Raiden Shogun. Although people close to her true, inner self calls her Ei. She took another sip from her teacup, admiring the scenery from the top of her home. From there, she could see the bustling streets of Inazuma, the tranquil Chinju forest, and even the seas that connect her nation to the greater world of Teyvat.
“My, my, it seems my intuition was correct.”
Ei turned to the entrance and saw a familiar pink-haired kitsune leaning on the doorframe. Yae Miko. Everyone knows her as the beautiful, wise, and sagacious head priestess of Narukami shrine, but behind her appearance lies a rather mischievous woman who enjoys fleeting leisure and playful pranks. No doubt she came here to fulfill one of them at Ei’s expense.
Ei sighed. “What are you doing here, Miko?”
She sauntered forward and placed herself on the opposite side of the chabudai. Ei decided to play a good host and poured her friend some tea. Yae Miko took her time savoring the servitude of her Archon.
“Hmm… Your tea is as good as always,” Miko said with a smile.
“I don’t think you come here just for tea,” Ei said. “Now, what brings you here?”
Yae Miko rolled her eyes. “So business-like. And I thought I was talking to your boorish puppet." She took out a peculiar book from the sleeves of her outfit. “There’s a story making rounds around the city lately. We didn’t know where it came from, and it was suddenly distributed to the shelves when I was not looking. I figured that you would like this story.”
Raiden Ei took a look at the cover of the book. It showed two men facing off each other with manic smiles on their faces.
“Shuumatsu no Valkyrie.” The words barely rolled out of her tongue. “I had never heard of such a term.”
Before Ei could open the book, a familiar gust of wind took her by surprise. Her gaze turned to the two people standing by her door frame.
The shorter man in a green and white outfit stepped forward with a bright smile. His face was young and considered to hold immense feminine beauty. Venti, commonly known as a regular bard, greeted her with a bright smile.
“Ohohoho, are we interrupting something?” he asked in a playful tone. Despite his demeanor, he was known in their circle as the god Barbatos. No doubt he’s paying a visit to a fellow god along with his companion.
“What a surprise,” Ei said. “And I thought you two were occupied with something.”
“Hardly,” the other man said in a refined voice.
To the mortals, he was known as Zhongli, a humble and knowledgeable consultant of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. His refined brown suit and dignified posture attested to that fact. Unknown to the pederstrians, he was once known as Rex Lapis, the god of Liyue.
“We were just visiting the area,” Zhongli said as he walked forward and took his place at an unoccupied side of the chabudai. He placed down a box full of the finest snacks from Liyue and Inazuma. Venti followed suit and brought his very own jug, no doubt containing an alcoholic drink for everyone to share.
“It has been a long time since we gathered like this,” Venti said. “Ah~ How time flies.”
Zhongli’s eyes turned to the book on the table. “Reading something?”
Ei nodded. “Miko brought it to me. She said it was a rather peculiar book.”
“To be honest, you three might enjoy it.” The three archons looked at the shrewd smile she gave. Despite being higher than her in powers and authority, Yae still made them rather uneasy.
Ei shrugged and sighed. The sooner they could deal with this, the better. She didn't want to pull the other archons in whatever scheme her friend had cooked up this time.
7,000,000 Years Long History of Mankind is Coming to an End.
“Oho. Quite a strong opening.” Venti said. He had already taken a first sip of his wine.
“I never realized that humanity had lived that long,” Zhongli said.
Venti’s eyebrow rose. “Really? And I thought you're an old curmudgeon now.”
Zhongli didn’t throw a retaliatory barb and flipped the next page.
The pages show a girl and a woman walking side by side towards a bright exit. The tall one exudes a guarded confidence while the shorter one shows hesitance. They were introduced as the youngest Valkyrie Sister, Goll, and the oldest Valkyrie Sister, Brunhilde, respectively. Just as they were about to reach their destination, the narrator asked about the possible causes of humanity's doom.
Nuclear Warfare?
Asteroid Collision?
Or Maybe Alien Invasion?
The mankind is being threatened to its total destruction by none other than the gods themselves.
Ei instinctively placed her hand over her mouth at the image of these god-like beings watching and toying with the collective suffering of humanity. The archon's face turned serious.
“Who– Who could write such a thing?” Ei asked.
Yae shrugged. “I do not know. Nobody does.”
Zhongli stared at the other parts of the book. “I am unfamiliar with these concepts. Such as nuclear warfare, among other things.”
“Does that matter?” Venti asked with a serious tone. “I wonder what makes this person write such a story.”
The archons knew the machinations of Celestia. They knew how much the heavens would execute their divine will against those who committed grievous blasphemies that threatened the natural order. Even if the heavens stayed silent now, there is no assurance that they will stay silent forever. Is this book inspired by such events? If so, who dares dance around the judgment of the heavens just to publish it in a regular book.
The next page showed the Council of Valhalla, where a slumbering dragon rested in the middle. Various gods had gathered around the center while they watched an old man slowly approach his throne. He gave the dragon an affectionate rub before hitting the gavel.
“It’s been 1000 years since the last time we gathered here. Let us start the conference, shall we?” The god known as Zeus, Chairman of Valhalla, and the Chief god of Greece decreed.
Venti spoke first. “Never seen this many gods around after…” he kept silent after that.
“So he’s the leader of this congregation,” Ei muttered. She then turned to Zhongli. “He reminds me of you in some way.”
“You mean the leadership position? That is true, my responsibilities to the adepti and even other gods used to be quite expansive.”
Venti wanted to add a joke about Zhongli’s age but decided that he would rather read this book for now.
“Still, he’s significantly older,” Ei said. “Perhaps he’s feeling the effects of the erosion by now.”
Once every 1000 years, gods across realms gather to hold a conference. The Conference of Mankind’s Survival
“I can’t even imagine something like that happening around here,” Venti admitted. “Too much work and too much managing.”
Zhongli spoke next. “To be honest, I also don't get what this means to us. Why should we end humanity? Shouldn’t we guide them and trust them?”
“We can’t say they didn’t try.” Miko reminded them. She wants to chime in as much as she wants, but revealing spoilers is hardly good etiquette. Especially when the three archons are absorbed in just a few pages. Ah, if only she had a kamera right now~
Zeus opened the vote on humanity’s survival.
“Show me the will of the gods,” Zeus said.
Numerous signs containing an X mark rose up in the air. A certain god floated higher than where his compatriots were sitting. His multiple arms raised multiple X signs.
Shiva, the four-armed Chief god of India and the one known as the Destroyer, spoke his piece in a very tired and bored tone.
“Mankind doesn’t want to repent at all. Trying to guide them is such a pain in the ass. Once we’ve erased them all, let’s evolve another god next time.”
Zhongli clicked his tongue in annoyance. He knows this is just a fictional work (or so he thinks), but the attitude of this particular god is rubbing off on him in the wrong way.
“How could they look down on humanity like that?” Ei asked. Just until now, she realized the true potential of humanity, and even during her pursuit of eternity, she had never even once looked at her subjects as mere animals.
Venti shrugged. “I think you guys are forgetting that there were a lot of those guys before the archon war.”
Zhongli couldn’t help but sigh at the fact. “I know that. It’s just that… It had been too long.”
A goddess agreed. Aphrodite, the Goddess of Beauty spoke. “In the last 1000 years the Earth has become too ugly. Seas are filled with waste and oils, forests are gone and living beings have become extinct one after another. So to speak… Mankind is the most dangerous living cancer on Earth. A disaster that will bring Earth to its destruction. Isn’t that true?”
Venti raised both of his hands. “Alright. First of all, those guys being her chair and holding her breasts upright are something else. Second…Earth? Oil? Either this author has a vivid imagination or…” Venti stared at the others to finish his sentence.
Zhongli sighed and answered. “This is not from this world.”
“Absolutely correct, Zhongli,” Venti said. “You deserve a prize.”
“Enough shenanigans,” Ei interjected. “If this is indeed from beyond, then we need to inquire this to an expert.”
“The Traveler,” Yae said abruptly. There’s no way she would let her set foot in here.
The archons seemed to agree on inviting the Traveler next time. For now, they continued reading.
The other gods agreed on Aphrodite’s assessment. Goll looked around as more and more signs were raised, each agreeing to the destruction of humanity. Before Zeus could pass judgment, Brunhilde shouted in objection.
The gods watched as the valkyrie walked towards the center. Mutters of confusion and irritation filled the room, yet despite the glare from the gods, Brunhilde walked forward unflinching.
“Pardon my intrusion, furious gods. There is one thing that I have to say.”
“Mind your manners, Brunhilde!” a white bird shouted. Goll clung to her sister’s side with fear.
A one-eyed god stared at them with contempt. Odin, the Supreme god of the Nordic Pantheon, stared at her, anticipating her actions while the two birds from his shoulder hurled a barrage of insults at her.
Brunhilde didn’t waver. Instead, she continued her speech. “But to just destroy them like that. Isn’t that a bit…Boring?” Her words struck a chord with Odin. “Whether the survival of mankind has any value or not…with the might and mercy of the gods, why don’t we test them?”
The archons leaned towards the pages. Zhongli is no stranger to tests, but he was worried about what the other gods might have suggested. He knew inside that with this much arrogance, any test would just be an opening act to their cruelty. Still, a part of him believes in Brunhilde's gamble. Fictional or not. He doesn’t take kindly to throwing human lives just like this.
Gods vs Mankind’s Final Struggle Ragnarok.
Every god, both in the pages of the book and those reading it, was shocked at the proclamation.
“Ra…Ragnarok?” Goll asked.
Brunhilde summoned a book and flipped open its pages.
“Article 62. Explained in Paragraph 15 of the super special clause. 1 vs 1 showdown between gods and mankind.”
“Humans against gods?” Venti said with a wry smile.
Zhongli shook his head. “Such events are normal, but to see it like this… If the gods accept, they will have to send their strongest.”
“Or weakest,” Venti said.
“Even so… how will humanity win alone?” Ei asked herself. “It would take exceptional humans to do such a thing.”
“Are you underestimating them?” Venti asked with a sly smile.
“Hardly, I want to see these humans as soon as possible.”
Ragnarok, a battle between 13 gods and 13 humans to decide the ultimate victor. Whichever side gets to seven wins first will be crowned victor. However, it was treated as a joke, a mere jest because in reality, humanity never stood a chance against the gods.
The room was silent. Then, the birds perched on Odin’s shoulder spoke first. They declared that the proposal was pointless. The other gods agreed saying that such an old law was forgotten. Despite that, Brunhilde continued.
“So…the will of the gods is to destroy mankind and also to avoid direct confrontation with humans am I right?” The gods were stunned, but Brunhilde knew she ensnared them. “We want to destroy mankind without fighting them. We don’t want to be put in the same ring as them. Hm… Don’t tell me… Are you Chickening out?”
Brunhilde continued her speech casually despite Goll’s protest. The gods giggled and tittered at her proclamation. It was a lighthearted laugh, comparable to a parent playing along with their children’s pranks. But Brunhilde was confident. The jovial atmosphere turned dark. Slowly, surly, the laughter turned to growling, teeths were grinded in anger. And then…
“How dare you!”
“Piece of shit!”
“Know your place!”
The gods hurled insults at Brunhilde. Their glare turned murderous while their voices were cursed with venom. Despite all of that, Brunhilde stood triumphant with a smile on her face.
Meanwhile, Venti hollered at the proclamation. “This is golden. This woman just managed to turn their arrogance against them.”
“Who knew they were easy to provoke?” Ei said with wonder.
“Ah, who knew indeed,” Yae said with a teasing tone.
“Ho ho ho… I see.” All eyes turned to Zeus. “Ragnarok, huh?”
He caressed his dragon gently despite the shaking from his old hands. The Dragon purred in enjoyment. Just then, his words turned sharp and in an instant his arms grew large, ripping the jaws off the dragon.The sound of flesh being torn sent a shiver to everyone’s spine.
“Why…Why would he do that?” Ei asked.
“Yeah, this old man had gone bonkers,” Venti said casually.
Zhongli was quiet. He always knew the gods would not spare a quarter of mercy to the humans.
Zeus turned to everyone with a bloodlusted stare. “It’s been a long time since we’ve seen the might of the gods. What do you say? Shall we battle the mortals?”
The chief god did not wait for an answer before slamming the gavel down with a crazed posture, destroying the item and the surrounding area with his immense strength.
“So it begins…” Ei said ominously.
Within the halls perched on top of the floating islands of heaven, the two valkyrie sisters walked side by side silently. Finally, the youngest one, Goll knelt down. Her sister asked her what was wrong, and the young valkyrie just complained about Brunhilde challenging the gods. In the end, she answered in a solemn tone.
“The bond between Mankind and Valkyrie is deeper than that of the other gods. There’s no way I could just abandon them.”
The archons nodded in agreement with Brunhilde’s words.
“If I were there, I would have done the same thing and found a way to help the humans,” Zhongli said. “Even the Adepti will follow my lead.”
“I would even join the fray on the side of humanity myself,” Ei added.
“I’ll support you guys from the background,” Venti said playfully.
Before the two sisters could discuss their plan, an unwanted presence butted in on the conversation. It was a demon of lust, Incubus. He approached the valkyrie before grabbing her by the waist and licking a portion of her cheek with her tongue.
Ei rolled her eyes at such a display. Zhongli’s eyebrow furrowed.
“Ew, why does heaven have these guys running around?” Venti asked.
Finally, Brunhilde knelt on her knees. The Incubus mocked her with glee and theorized what kind of voice would come out of her mouth. During his excitement, a white rod-shaped thing emerged from his pants.
“I didn’t start kneeling because of you,” Brunhilde replied coldly.
Before the demon could realize it, a massive hammer slammed him from the side, turning the incubus’ upper half into a mass of gore and guts. Blood sprayed from his lower half like a fountain, showering Brunhilde with unholy blood.
Still, she spoke calmly. “It’s been a long time, Thor.”
The Nordic Pantheon’s God of Thunder, Thor, stood tall in front of her with his hammer behind him. He stared at her with an unreadable emotion. Goll froze at the mere sight of him. Try as she might, but her trembling body prevented her from acting so quickly. The god of thunder walked past the two Valkyries.
“Brunhilde. What are you plotting?”
“What are you insulating?”
Thor turned to her. His imposing stance was enough to scare Goll once more. Despite that, Brunhilde remained silent, confident of her schemes.
“You better best entertain me or consider yourself dead.”
After that, he left.
Venti whistled. “Hey Ei, you said you want to fight, right? How about that guy right here?”
“I’ll take him,” Ei said without an ounce of hesitation. “I wanted to see how well I do to other gods with the same dominion as I do.”
Yae sighed. “Ah Ei. Always an eager warrior. How about you calm down, huh?”
Zhongli chuckled at Ei’s eagerness. Despite her being there during their gathering, she was always a quiet one and allowed her sister to talk. Seeing her side like this is refreshing.
Once Thor had left, Goll breathed a sigh of relief. “I almost wet myself, but you are really calm, sister.”
Goll looked around and saw Brunhilde exhaling in relief. She stood up quickly and took out a device from her pockets. Despite Goll’s protests, Brunhilde activated the device and various portraits appeared in front of them.
Venti smiled. “Hey, look at this human. He’s sticking his tongue out.”
“Why did he do that?” Ei asked.
Venti shrugged. “Maybe he’s just feeling a bit silly.”
“I’ve already decided on our vanguard,” Brunhilde said. “He should be able to do it.”
The archons read the page with anticipation.
Brunhilde continued. “I met him on the battlefield. He’s probably the strongest. No… the worst, the most barbaric warrior.”
“No way!” Goll remarked.
Then, it cut to the Valhalla Arena.
“Way to keep the suspense up,” Venti said with sarcasm. He took another swig of his glass to calm his nerves.
The Watchman of the Apocalypse, Heimdal, spoke with energy, riling up every god and every human that ever existed. Up in their private quarters, the chief gods watched with quiet anticipation. Finally, he introduced the fighter for the gods.
“Any god would tell you that they want to see him fight in earnest. His hammer, Mjolnir, crushes the ground beneath him. Who would not fight if not him!? He lives in battle; he dies in battle. The Mightiest Norse god! The Berserker of thunder THOR!”
Up high amidst the roaring support of the gods, Odin sat still and uttered a simple decree. “Crush and annihilate them.”
Brunhilde watched with apparent nervousness.
Hemidal continued. “And the vanguard from the mankind’s side is this maaaaan!!”
A man clad in armor hit the gong loudly, announcing the arrival of their champion.
Zhongli’s eyes widened. A faint smile formed on his lips. This will be familiar to him then.
Men smashed their drums with a furious vigor. They shook their arms and mustered their voices to drown the arena.
Heimdal spoke. “Is it going to end here? Seven million years of footprint? Is it going to be forgotten here? The Seven million years of pride?”
“NO!” the Men shouted enough to surprise even the gods on the other side of the stands.
A terrifying presence exudes from within the other side of the great hall. All of a sudden, the horse stormed forward into the arena. Even the chief gods were stunned at such a display.
Heimdal continued. “This man is channeling the will of mankind!”
On top of the horse was a man covered in bandages and seals. No doubt he was awoken from his eternal slumber just for this purpose.
“Hear them out. Who else could do this if not him!”
His muscles tore through the aged bandages.
“Will this man be devoured by the gods?”
“NO!” His millions of followers shouted in unison.
“He is the strongest man since the dawn of history. Does anyone have any objection?”
“NO!”
Their fist slammed on their palm as a sign of respect for this warrior. In front of these soldiers was the warrior’s most trusted aide, barely holding back his tears as the man finally ripped himself free from his bondage. Dragon tattoos adorned his muscular body, and his long hair burst wildly against the wind. The gods were stunned, but Heimdal remained unfazed as he announced the hero's name…
“LU BU!”
Venti cheered at the man. “Hey, this art is getting me pumped up.”
Zhongli nodded. “The artist of this work has a particular talent in conveying the excitement of the characters.”
Yae then pointed at one of the pages. “I agree. Although the aesthetics of this China share similarities with your nation. What can you say about that, Mr. Zhongli?”
“An astute observation,” Zhongli said. “I never heard of someone like this general in the history of Liyue, but here, he seemed like a very powerful and charismatic individual.”
“Now I wish to cross blades with him as well,” Ei said.
Venti playfully placed his hand over his forehead. “Oh Ei. At this point, you might as well rule Natlan.”
Yae shrugged. “Well, at least I can send Mizuki there to keep watch over you.”
Ei just rolled her eyes.
Lu Bu and Thor stared each other down amidst the boisterous shouts from the stands. Amidst the cheering of the mortals was a lone monk chanting a prayer nervously.
“Human, you better stop praying,” Brunhilde said. “Since the ones we have to defeat are none other than the gods that you are praying to.”
And thus, the first bout of the Ragnarok begins.
Venti chuckled. “This…this is certainly an entertaining piece. Not a fan of blood sports myself but the concept is rather novel.”
Zhongli nodded. “Blasphemy aside, it is really interesting to see how humanity would fight against the gods themselves.”
“They had already proven themselves to me before,” Ei said. “But to see it like this… All we could do is to anticipate what will happen next.
All of the sudden, the three archons looked at Yae Miko.
A playful smile formed on the kitsune’s lips. “Oh my, it seemed that I was right all along.”
“So where’s the next chapter?” Venti asked.
“In due time,” Yae said with a flippant tone. “For now, let us savor the anticipation before the next chapter appears after all… You are not the only ones reading it now.”
What Yae said rings true. Countless copies had already been spread amongst the bookshelves of Teyvat.
In the encampment of the knights, a certain vice-captain showed a manic smile, eager to see such a bloody carnage much to his grandmaster's chagrin.
The book was given a passing glance by the Qixing; they have better things to do. But despite that, those who live on the ground have mixed feelings about the theme of challenging the divine. Still, it doesn’t stop the young master of the Guhua clan from recommending the story to his friends.
Within the land of knowledge, a trainee forest ranger read the story with nervousness. Is this not blasphemy? The scholars of academia debated for the same thing. Unbeknownst to them, the young archon read the pages with a cautious anticipation.
The Iudex of Fontaine raised his brow at the news of the new story making rounds. A story where humanity challenges the gods’ judgment? That is a worthy story to hear about for sure. Meanwhile, the Children of the Hearth regaled their Father with the story with gusto.
In the vast savannah of Natlan the Pyro Archon reminisces of the old days when she once challenged the divine seat. From the looks of things, it seemed that her citizens were pumped out as well. After all, who in Natlan doesn’t love such a good fight?
Up north, some of the people give out a passing read of the story. Being an almost godless nation, such themes were hardly worth their time.
Further up north and within the mighty palace of the Tsarista, a young harbinger eagerly discussed the contents of the book to his fellow comrades. The man known as the Captain patiently listened to his subordinate’s ramblings about joining the bout, should it happen in Teyvat.
Somewhere, sometime, a wandering pair managed to get themselves a hold of the book.
“Oh…Paimon is not so sure about this.”
“Why not? Afterall, you never knew what humans could do when pressed like this.”