Archive of Our Own

1:28 pm 

“Shane? Have you seen my charger?” Ilya called out from the bedroom, peaking his head out into the hall. 

“Bathroom sink! You charged it to listen to music in the bath.” Ilya padded into the bathroom and snagged the cord, hand splayed over his stomach. They were repacking for the hospital, Ilya's nerves having struck something fierce. 

“Thank you,” he called, startling as he came back into the room at seeing Shane in the bedroom with their daughter's bag now on the bed. His stomach churned at the idea of needing it, and its contents soon. 

“Sorry, baby,” Shane smiled, but nodded. “I've got her coming home outfit,” he held up the little sage green romper and hat. “Her swaddle and outfit for the picture we're posting when she's here.” They were only posting one picture of her face before she was to be hidden. Neither felt comfortable enough to post her fully when she got older. 

Ilya walked to the bed and settled down against the headboard, one leg tucked under him as he watched Shane pack. 

“And I've got some basic onesies for the days in the hospital after she's born. And burp cloths.” As he spoke, each item went into her diaper bag. “Diapers, wipes, and bottles are packed as well.” He handed the bag to Ilya so he could paw through it, nodding quickly. “We've got all we need for her. Now it's just our bag.” 

Ilya held up the small black duffel bag and opened it. “Since we leave in a few hours, cords now,” Shane stuffed both their chargers in a smaller bag, and then Ilya’s headphones. “Three pairs of shorts. One for when we get there, one for when you get out of the tub, and one for after she's here. I've also got sweats for you if you change your mind. Hoodie, long sleeve, short sleeve, and tank top. Boxers, socks.” Each item was folded to make room for the two of them. Shane's own sets of clothes went in next. 

“Finally, toiletries. Do you want your travel hair care, or full routine?” Shane knew what to grab for either, having helped him pack more than once. He had also helped him with his hair quiet often. “I'm more than willing to help you with a full routine after she's here, baby. It would be the least I can do,” he pressed a gentle kiss to his temple and rubbed his back. 

“Full then, please.” Shane went to gather the items and took his time to pack everything with care. He grabbed both of their skin care routines, smaller in size compared to a full curly-haired one. 

“Got it!” He packed them between their hoodies and sweats, making sure the bottles were secure. “Alright. For us,” he began. “Clothes to leave, clothes to wear there, both during and after. Hair and skin care. Cords. Your headphones. I'll get us some snacks packed next. We'll have our wallets, my keys, and phones. Ah, my glasses!” He grabbed the case and put it in the front of the bag. 

“Sexy glasses to distract?” Ilya teased, watching as the bag was zipped. He wiggled his eyebrows and grinned at Shane's sigh and head shake. 

“Sure,” he chuckled. “That's what you'll be focused on,” he stepped forward into Ilya’s space, but kept his hand to himself until Ilya allowed him to touch. Ilya pulled his hand to where their girl was kicking. 

“Hi, Lottie-girl,” he cooed. “Papa and I can't wait to meet you. Neither can your grandparents.” Ilya smiled at that, love blossoming for David and Yuna as it usually did. 

Charlotte Irina Hollander-Rozanov. A mouthful for sure, but so wholly loved, was two weeks overdue, and making her papa anxious and sore. Everyone who was excited for them was on pins and needles for the husbands, waiting for the message that she was here and healthy. 

“Last thing before we go down there,” Shane was stalling slightly, knowing that people were gathering downstairs for a small get-together before she made her appearance.

“I do have a present for you. I went down a rabbit hole, and push presents are apparently a thing? A couple of mom blogs, and Jackie, suggested it.” He pulled out a beautifully wrapped package. “With as much as we both make, I know you could buy anything you'd ever want. So I disregarded what they suggested slightly.” As always, he had done research on what he should get, rather than how much he should spend. 

Together, from a joint bank account made for their daughter’s needs, they had bought everything in one panic-induced night. It had gone against Russian tradition, but it was a compromise that they had chosen together after the scare they had. It had been a compromise that made Ilya give up some control, but it had made them both feel better in the end. 

“My love,” Shane shook his head, effectively cutting off what Ilya might have to say. 

“You'll see what it is later. I promise it will be worthwhile.” It had taken a few days for him to find an artist he was willing to commission. He had looked through portrait after portrait until he found one he thought would do Irina justice. And when he had, he had made sure it was a priority piece, paying enough that the artist would be willing to do it on such short notice. 

Shane helped Ilya up, taking his weight easily and letting him lean into his strong chest. Gravity hadn't been a friend to Ilya in months. Let alone now, when she pulled so heavy at his back. Ilya’s face scrunched up, and he placed his hand over his bump and pulled up gently, trying to ease some of the weight. 

He allowed him to get his bearings, hands resting on his hips as he held tight. “When you are ready, turn around for me, and I’ll lift.” Ilya sagged at the promise, nodding with a little smile. While he was giving up his body, sleep, and everything else for their daughter, Shane was giving up a lot too. He was giving up control of their future, now on their daughter's schedule. He was giving up security of knowing what was going to happen and when. His plans were out the window too. He knew that Shane didn’t want to carry. He would never begrudge his husband of his decision. He loved every moment that he wasn’t spent doubled over, throwing up. He loved getting to feel her grow, kick and learn to move. 

Ilya pulled out of Shane’s arms a few minutes later and let himself be turned. This was a favorite of his lately, and Lottie’s. Shane kissed his neck, wrapping both arms under his stomach and pulling up enough to get her weight off of him as much as he could. Ilya melted into his chest, head dropping to his shoulder. 

They stayed like that, swaying side to side, until a particularly hard kick hit his ribs. “She's active today, huh? Almost like she knows her… what did Yuna call it?” 

“Eviction date?” 

“Da! Eviction date is today,” Ilya laughed, taking a deep breath in when Shane warned him he was going to let go. 

“She is making the most of her space until there is no more,” Shane hummed, steadying him when he stepped back. “She knows she is going to be doing some hard work here in the next however many hours.” Ilya suppressed a snort at the optimism, knowing it would be a lot longer than a few hours. 

“I wasn’t even dilated at last appointment.” He reminded with a grimace of the invasive check. “I don’t want to think what that means for me.” 

“I know. I’m sorry for what it's worth,” Shane admitted. “You have been amazing with everything and I know this can’t be easy. I know we have talked about it already, but the hospital shift is mine, especially at night. The same goes for when we get back home. I will bring her to our bed when I have her settled down for some snuggles. It is my turn to do something for the both of you rather than just offer comfort where I can.” 

“I love you,” he didn’t know what else to say. Hayden’s few times at the house during the pregnancy, always with Jackie, were filled with vitriol laced remarks that were not subtle. He had mad many comments about everything he could, and took pride when it got to Ilya. He had talked about how he hadn’t done much this time around with Amber because he was always on the road. That if Jackie with three other kids could do it alone, Ilya might be able to. 

Most notably, had been right after the scare. Ilya was laying across the couch, hands splayed over his stomach. “Heard you had a scare,” the voice was too light, too full of mirth. “Better be more careful. Wouldn’t want him to leave you,” Ilya had excused himself to their room, saying he wasn’t feeling well. Shane had found out and wanted to go on a war path that Ilya forbade. 

“I love you too baby.” 

Finally, after snagging Ilya’s pregnancy pillow, they made their way downstairs slowly, Ilya still oblivious to the gathered people down there. When they turned the corner, he jumped as they all waved. “Hi!” Yuna greeted them first, warm and loving. “We wanted to come and spend some time with you two before Miss Lottie makes her appearance.” Ilya forced the tears at bay as she hugged him close. 

Everyone who meant something to him was there, smiling and talking to each other. Their young guys were scattered amongst the older players, just happy to be included in something with their captains. 

“I know you didn't want a baby shower. That's not what this is. This is a gathering of friends to celebrate you and our baby,” Shane whispered into his ear, rubbing his back. 

Members of their team came up, hugging their captain and wishing him luck. Svetlana and Cliff were there as well, and his eyes welled up at all the people there for them. “We've got all your favorite foods. We have a few hours before we need to leave for the hospital. All our family is here. Harris is here for pictures as well as to be here for you. Barret, Boyle, Haas.” Harris waved from somewhere near the back of the line, Troy next to him. “Even Coach is here.” Coach Weibe was standing next to David, the two had been in conversation before the man was called from it. 

“It's perfect,” Ilya promised. Luca Haas was next in line, relaxing into his captain's arms when he was hugged. He handed Ilya a picture he drew with flushed cheeks and Ilya’s mouth dropped open. “Haasy,” he breathed, finger tracing the drawing of their last ultrasound. She had been sucking her little thumb, other hand tucked up to her face. 

“Shane said no store bought presents,” Haas explained. “Said to bring something meaningful if we felt the need to. I've been working on this for about a month.” Ilya hugged him again, and wiped his eyes when they pulled back. He handed the drawing carefully off to Shane. 

“Thank you.” Luca beamed and moved off. 

Bood and Cassie had a stack of letters from everyone in the team. “These are for those times where you can't get her to sleep and nothing seems to be working. They are words of love, encouragement, and affirmations. There are letters for labor too if you want to read them to take your mind off of things while you wait.” The stack was thick, and wrapped in a beautiful pale pink ribbon. 

“Those of us who are parents have offered words of advice that actually managed to help up. Not that bullshit that people think is helpful.” Cassie hugged Ilya after Bood did. “Yuna and David have a few in there too.” 

“Ours are for the nights you three need some time alone and no in-laws breathing down your neck, but still need some help,” Yuna promised, smiling in an easy way. 

Ilya took the stack, and the box that had appeared almost out of nowhere from Shane. If he had been paying attention, he would have seen the dark mahogany box sitting on the table, waiting to receive them. He set them in gingerly, like they were worth millions, before setting them to the side to hug the next person. 

Hayes and Lisa were next, both hugging Ilya before pulling back. She pulled out a sage green crocheted baby blanket, C.I.H.R was in the corner, and Ilya was in love.

“Pack this in a bit, please?” He asked Shane. “It's beautiful. I love it,” he promised, running his hand over the folded blanket. 

“It is beautiful,” Shane agreed. Ilya reluctantly handed it off to Shane, watching as he folded it into her baby bag, ready to be used soon. “We’ll get a picture of her in it and send it to you,” Shane offered, and both beamed. 

Troy and Harris were next, and Ilya let them hold him longer. Let their warmth and friendship be felt through the touch. “I'm not a professional by any means. But I'm okay with a camera. I want to offer you pictures. For her first year of life. I won't post any of them. They will be strictly for you two.” Harris promised. 

“I would love that.” Ilya was getting more and more emotional as their friends came forward and offered him these priceless gifts. Each proved that money didn't mean a thing when it was heartfelt. 

They hugged him again, before Troy pulled away, he whispered into Ilya’s ear. “Good luck. You are going to do amazing. I'm not sure how much you will feel like texting. But I'm here if you want it.” He rubbed at his shoulder blade for a moment before pulling back. 

“I will take you up on that. I'm-” he couldn't believe he would willingly admit this. “Terrified.” 

Coach Weibe and his wife were next. His was larger, still homemade, and beautiful and fitting the requirement Shane had apparently set. “This is for when she's older. But it's to track her height.” He explained, forgoing a hug for a minute. It was done in almost white pink color. “Grow loved & Grow strong” was written across the top. Already marked out were height measurements with room to write the day, month, and year to track. 

“Well put it up in her room, right by the door.” Shane stated, taking it so they could descend upon Ilya with outstretched arms. He went willingly, letting his eyes close as another pair of almost parental figures held him. 

The younger three came up together, like they did everything it seemed. They handed Ilya a crib mobile with flushed faces and moved on, not daring to hug their captain. They did however, claps his forearm and squeeze as they passed. He allowed it, suppressing a chuckle as it lightened the mood. He thanked them just as profusely, thankful for their gift. 

Hayden and Jackie approached next, though it was clear who was leading. She had a basket of items put together, and handed it over. “This is for you,” she explained. “A book in Russian that Svetlana said was your favorite, but that you didn't have a copy of. Some small care items. I know Shane's going to do an amazing job at helping to take care of you, but your priority will be her. Little things to remind you are helpful.”

“Yes, because you will be useless. She figured she could keep you functional.” Hayden grunted as an elbow caught  his ribs. “Geeze Jacks. I'm just being honest.” Ilya looked down at the basket to avoid Hayden's gaze. The comment too sharp for him to think of a chirp. He was too caught off guard from the others thoughtfulness. He was already terrified of becoming his father. Terrified of becoming his mother too, and leaving her. 

“I'm just saying. He's dramatic. It wouldn't surprise me if he stuck Shane on diaper duty for the foreseeable future.” Shane stepped forward in warning. 

“He's two weeks overdue, Hayden.” Jackie hissed. “And don't forget you were on diaper duty after the twins and Arthur.” She pushed at his chest to get him to step back. 

Ilya let out a shaky breath as Shane put a hand on his back, sending Hayden a glare as Jackie shoved him forward. Their four children were next, bouncing in joy at having their uncle Ilya’s attention on them. 

“It's from all of us! We already put some stuff in it,” Jade handed over a cardboard box. “Keepsakes” was messily written over the top, and he pulled it open. Inside were scraps of paper with child’s logic on it for Lottie. “Don't cry too much. Your papa will be sad too.” He pulled out another one, and it was Hayden’s writing on it. It made his stomach churn as he crumbled it in his hand. 

Other items were a plushie that he knew was love by one of the twins, and some drawings. “Thank you Jade, Ruby, Arthur, and Amber.” He thanked them individually, hugging each one as they went to stand by their parents. 

Shane took his hand, and Ilya passed the paper into his palm as he leaned into his side. 

Yuna and David were last. Yuna stepped into his space first, wrapping her arms around him tightly, refusing to let go for a long moment. He relaxed into her, needing the hug more than he would admit out loud. 

“Ours is a few things. We are allowed to bend the “no buying” rule,” David chuckled, handing over an envelope. “This is a wellness spa package. Like Jackie said. You are going to be taking care of her. You will need to be taken care of too. There's massages, anything you need, recovery treatments too. We know you want to be on the ice as soon as you can.” 

“You didn't-” 

“We did. You will forget to rest. You will lose time. And while it will be magical, it will also test you. We've already booked the first appointments for three months from now. We will watch our grandbabies while you go.” 

Hayden scoffed, but it was quickly ignored in favor of moving forward. “What we bring to you not bought, is something we would have done anyway. We are here, any time of day or night. We will cook for you. We will do dishes, or laundry. Or whatever you might need. You just need to call us, and we will be on our way.” Yuna promised. She gently pulled back so David could hug him. 

“If you ever need to come over and have a moment to yourself, I have puzzles I've been collecting for us and Yuna has two arms.” Yuna nodded once firmly, smiling. 

“Thank you. I love you both so much,” he whispered, wiping his eyes. 

Once everyone had gone through the line, he was free to roam, talking to people as he went. He didn't see Hayden and Shane slip out the door. But he did hear the front door slam shut and Hayden storming out. “You five are always welcome. Your husband is not.” Shane stated, and Ilya's eyes widened. He handed Jackie the wadded-up piece of paper, and she smoothed it out. Her face turned red in embarrassment. 

“I'm so sorry, Shane. That's unacceptable.” She hugged him, gathered their kids, and said their goodbyes before leaving. 

“What-” 

“Later my love. Enjoy right now.” 

Time rolled by until it was time for them to leave. As everyone filed out, they wished them luck and love and a safe delivery. 

Shane had packed some snacks into their bag, including a bottle of Coke for Ilya. It had been a craving the man was fond of, and he was sure it would be asked for later. 

Shane packed the bags in the backseat of their car, helping Ilya get in after. For a moment, they both stared at the car seat about to be in use by their whole world, and just smiled. “You ready?” Ilya shook his head, pulling his lip between his teeth. 

“Did you add the letters?” He asked instead of giving a response to Shane. 

“Yes, and the blanket.” 

6:36 pm

The ride was mostly silent when they finally pulled away. His knee was bouncing with anxiety thumbnail in between his teeth. He felt like they were driving to his doom. His stomach clenched, the child pushing up and out against its tight home. “I know,” he mumbled, pressing a hand against the little foot. “Soon,” They had been saying that for the last two weeks, that he was overdue. “Shane,” He sighed, taking his husband's hand and pressing it against the taut skin. Shane beamed and rubbed where his hand had made contact. 

“I would say soon, but I am so sure you’d get irritated with me,” Shane chuckled, pulling up to the red light. Ilya shot him a pointed look before nodding. 

“Yes. Many have said this. Is lie,” he grumbled, heart lurching into his throat as they pulled away from the light. Each movement was toward the hospital where he would be induced. 

“You okay, baby?” Ilya shook his head and closed his eyes tight, fighting the nausea down. Shane looked at him briefly, moving his hand from his stomach to grab his hand gently. “Tell me what you are feeling,” he said, squeezing gently, bringing his hand up to kiss his knuckles. 

“Anxious. Scared. It’s happening fast.” Shane nodded, pulling off into a gas station so he could give Ilya all his attention. “We have to be there soon,” he said, looking at the clock; the time displayed was 6:38 pm. 

“We’ve got time,” Shane promised, turning in his seat. “We are ten minutes away, and don’t have to be there until seven.” Ilya gave a tight smile, brushing his hand over his stomach. 

“It’s going to hurt,” he whispered. That was the least of his worries. The pain was something he was anticipating, but it was the easiest to hold onto. “I feel sick,” he mumbled. A second later, he threw open the door and gagged, his shoulders shaking as he threw up. Shane reached forward and rubbed at his back. His touch firm.

“I’m here, baby,” he winced. Shane didn’t flinch when Ilya’s body jolted forward again, another wave of nausea wracking through him. His hand stayed steady against his back. “I’ve got you,” He murmured again, softer this time. 

Ilya spat, breath coming in shallow bursts, his whole frame trembling as he tried to pull himself together. “Bad start,” he rasped. He wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. Shane handed him a water bottle, letting him rinse his mouth out before handing over the mouthwash he had stashed early on when Ilya’s morning sickness struck while they were out.

Ilya swished, the sharp burn of the mouthwash cutting through the sour taste lingering in his mouth. He leaned out enough to spit again before sinking back into the seat, head tipping against the headrest with a quiet, exhausted thud. 

“Thank you,” He muttered hoarsely. Shane’s hand found the back of Ilya’s neck, thumb brushing slow, steady circles just under his ear. The other was taken between Ilya’s and set on his stomach. After a second, he placed his hand over Shane’s, looking down. He pressed down firmer, like he needed the reassurance. 

The clock read 6:40 now, and Ilya glared at it with disdain. “Traitor,” he muttered as if it had personally wronged him. 

Shane followed his gaze, huffing a quiet laugh. “Time usually is, yeah.” He smiled as the baby kicked his hand firmly. 

“It is moving too fast,” His grip tightened along with the anxiety rolling through him. Another slow shift beneath their hands, the baby stretching and unbothered. Ilya exhaled shakily, shoulders rising and falling as he tried to match his breathing to something more controlled. “We could miss the appointment,” He suggested, turning his head to look at Shane. His tone was far too falsely casual. “Turn around. Go home and try again tomorrow?”

Shane didn’t even pause. “Nope.” 

Ilya clicked his tongue. “You didn’t even consider it,” he pouted, seeing the mirth in Shane’s eyes. 

“I did, actually,” Shane said easily. “For about half a second. Then I remembered you’d hate that more in an hour.” Ilya sighed and let his head fall back against the headrest again. He wasn’t wrong. 

“I hate how well you know me,” Shane only hummed in response, raising an eyebrow. Ilya didn’t. When Shane demonstrated how well he knew him, a warmth always spread through him. Easy silence settled between them, the easy kind that came from long years of uncomfortable silence that was filled with sex and something else they couldn’t name. Ilya’s thumb moved slowly over Shane’s knuckles, a repetitive motion that was grounding for both of them. The nausea had eased, leaving behind that hollow, uneasy feeling. 

“Ten minutes?” Ilya asked, eyes flickering back to the clock. Shane nodded, his own thumb rubbing near Ilya’s belly button where the baby most liked to stretch. “Stay until forty-five? Then we go?” His voice was quiet, and Shane wouldn’t say no to that request when he knew it was made in fear. 

“Okay, we can do that,” Shane smiled, both their gazes dropping to rest on their hands. Five more minutes before they were out of control. 

The car hummed softly around them, engine idling. The world outside continued on like anxiety wasn’t crushing the two first-time dads. Someone walked past them with a drink in hand, laughing at something on their phone. A car pulled in, music thumping before cutting off. 

“I want a Coke,” Ilya mused suddenly, having seen the bright red label. He had some cravings. Things they usually had on hand because of their preferred diets. Sometimes it required a quick trip to a convenience store for chips, or junk food they didn't keep readily available. Those were few and far between, their daughter proving to be Shane's with her wants. 

“I’ve got you one in your bag. I was going to give it to you later.” Ilya melted, tearing up at the small gesture. He blinked fast, trying to stave it off. 

“You already—” he started, then stopped, throat tightening in a way that had nothing to do with nausea now. His hand drifted to the bag without thinking. 

Ilya swallowed hard, shaking his head faintly as he reached into the bag. His fingers brushed the cold bottle, and he let out a small, broken exhale like he’d been holding his breath without realizing it. “Can I have now?”  

Shane nodded gently. “Of course, baby,” he said softly, thumb brushing over Ilya’s knuckles again. “Take your time.” It was permission to sit in the moment and think of nothing else. That they still had a few minutes before they should leave. 

Ilya uncapped the bottle with trembling fingers, tipping it just enough to let the first sip slide past his lips. His eyes closed as the cold Coke hit his tongue, a tiny spark of relief easing through him. His leg was still bouncing, his stomach still churning, and the time changed to 6:45. “Fuck.” 

Shane didn’t react to the word, just tightened his hold on Ilya’s hand. “Hey,” he said softly. “Look at me.” Ilya’s eyes were still closed, his breath uneven as he gripped the bottle like it might keep him from falling apart. His knee kept bouncing, restless energy spilling through him no matter how hard he tried to hold still. “Look at me, baby.” 

Ilya opened his eyes, turning his head against the rest to look at him. His expression was calm in a way that felt unfair to Ilya in a way. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” 

Ilya let out a shaky breath through his nose. “It’s time,” he said, like that explained everything and nothing at once. “I am not ready,” he admitted, voice small. He was. He was almost two weeks overdue and miserable in a way he had never been. “Let’s just go,” he sighed. “I won't be ready.” Shane pulled out of his spot after putting the car in gear. 

The ride was tense, the kind of quiet that pressed in at the edges rather than settled comfortably between them. Outside the window, streetlights blurred past in steady intervals, each one marking another second he could not slow down. The road stretched forward, too real, too inevitable.

Ilya shifted in his seat, then immediately stilled again, breath catching as the baby moved low and heavy beneath his palm. His other hand tightened around Shane’s fingers without him meaning to.

The ride was tense, the kind of quiet that pressed in at the edges rather than settled comfortably between them.

The Coke bottle had gone warm in Ilya’s hand, the cold relief fading into something neutral and useless. He still held it anyway, like letting go would mean admitting how close everything felt now. Ilya shifted in his seat, then immediately stilled again, breath catching as the baby moved low and heavy beneath his palm. His other hand tightened around Shane’s fingers without him meaning to. “I know,” he whispered again. “I’m sorry, I am so anxious.” 

They got the car parked with five minutes to spare. The engine ticked softly as it cooled, but neither of them moved right away. The hospital building sat ahead through the windshield, bright and steady, people coming and going like it was just another night.

Ilya finally reached for his seatbelt, fingers moving carefully, deliberately. His breathing was a little uneven, but he kept himself steady, focusing on each small motion instead of the enormity of what was waiting inside. Shane was reaching into the backseat, where their bags were waiting to be grabbed. The car seat was ready to go, a reminder of what they were doing. 

He finally gathered the courage to get out, swinging his legs over and pushing himself up. He was grateful for the strength and training he had been able to keep up during the pregnancy. While it had been scaled back from season training, it was still enough that the weight hadn’t started to bother his back and hips until month seven. Still, the movement took more effort than it used to. 

He paused with one hand on the car door, steadying himself for a moment as the hospital lights reflected off the pavement in sharp, pale streaks. The air outside was cooler than the car, and it made him inhale a little deeper without thinking.

Each step toward the hospital doors felt heavier than it should have, not because his body could not handle it, but because his mind was catching up too quickly. Shane fell into step beside him a moment later, bags in hand, Ilya’s hand back in the other. “Ready to do this?” Ilya shook his head, taking a deep breath. 

“No.” He gave a wry smile as they stepped inside. “Ilya Rozanov. I am here to be induced?”

Within minutes, a nurse appeared and guided them through a set of secured doors. The noise of the main hospital softened again, replaced by quieter hallways and the steady rhythm of a unit built for waiting and beginning at the same time.

“This way,” she said gently. “We are going to get you into a birth suite.” The word made Ilya glance sideways, just briefly, like he was checking whether Shane had heard it too. He had. Shane only squeezed his hand once, steady and warm. No reaction beyond that.

They turned down another hall, then another, until the nurse stopped at a doorway and pushed it open. The room inside was brighter than Ilya expected. A soft overhead lighting, a large bed positioned in the center, monitors already mounted on the wall, a chair pulled close beside it. It looked clinical, but not cold. Prepared. Waiting.

“This will be your room,” the nurse said. “You can settle in, put your things wherever you like. I will get your nurse assigned, and we will start getting everything set up for your induction.”

Ilya stepped inside slowly. The door clicked softly behind them. For a moment, he just stood there, taking it in. The bed, the equipment, the quiet inevitability of it all.

Shane moved first, setting the bags down near the corner with care, then stepping back to Ilya’s side immediately, distance was not part of the plan. 

They were alone for a few minutes as she stepped out. Shane took the time to guide Ilya into a hug, bodies angled to accommodate their growing child. “I love you,” Shane whispered. 

“I love you, too.” Ilya leaned into him, letting his head rest against Shane’s shoulder, breathing shallow and uneven at first, then slowly finding a rhythm. The quiet hum of the room felt almost protective, the soft beep of the monitors a subtle reminder that they were no longer in the chaos of the outside world. Shane rested his cheek against Ilya’s temple, fingers brushing over the curve of his back.

A nurse came in a few moments later, knocking once on the door to signal her arrival. “Good evening. I’m Lex.” She spoke, hands full of paperwork. She gave them a kind smile as she set it down on the rolling table. “Let's get this wristband on,” she held it up. Ilya let one arm drop so she had access to where he was still buried. “Good!” she beamed. “Okay, I have a hospital gown here for you to change into. I will do a quick check to see where you are. Then I will get the induction plan, and we can go from there,” she pointed to the ugly fabric before stepping out. 

When Ilya made no move to pick it up, Shane nudged him gently, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder. “You can change into your shorts and shirt after, yeah?” Shane offered, seeing the look. Ilya picked the garment up and sighed. He ripped his shirt off and looked down at himself before he pulled the gown over his arms. 

“Can you-” he turned around, and Shane tied the back up. “And sweats?” he turned around to face Shane again, looking away as his face reddened. Shane knelt before him, smiling up as he tugged gently. 

“Thank you,” Ilya whispered, looking away from the too-loving eyes. Shane stood back up and folded the clothes to set on top of the counter before pulling Ilya into a kiss. He leaned in willingly, smiling into it. 

“We will be meeting her,” Shane kissed his nose, then his forehead. Ilya nodded and let out a deep breath. 

The nurse knocked on the door, peaking her head in. “Ready for me?” Shane nodded quickly to cover whatever Ilya had prepared to say. “Alright, Mr. Rozanov, if you could just get on the bed for me,” She smiled. 

“Ilya,” he grunted, past pleasantries as he lowered himself onto the bed. 

“Alright Ilya,” She pulled on a pair of gloves after washing her hands. “If you would just lean back for me, I am going to put the bed flat.” He leaned back, Shane’s hands helping him down. He whispered a thank you in Russian, trying to control his breathing again. She pressed the button and the bed slowly went down. “If you can place your heels together and let your legs fall to the sides for me,” she instructed. He did as she asked, throwing an arm over his eyes and holding onto Shane’s hand tightly. 

“Alright, you will feel pressure.” His breath hitched high in his throat as she gently pushed her fingers in, his thighs locking where he forced them to remain spread. She gave him a sympathetic look as she measured that he did not see. When she was done, only a minute later, but a minute too long for Ilya, who was already sore, she pulled her gloves off and tossed them. “You are barely at maybe half a centimeter.” She informed him, and he groaned. “So, we are going to admit you. And I am going to get the induction plan and see what we are doing,” her cheerfulness returned, and he suppressed the urge to throw a pillow at her face. 

“Thank you,” Shane spoke again, seeing the look and the way his hand not in Shane’s twitched. 

When she left the room, he grumbled about too peppy nurses and miserable exams that did not feel good. Shane turned to grab their phones, suppressing a grin as he heard the bed rise back up. “I know, Malysh,” he cooed to the bump when she pressed out. “I know.” 

“She’s nice,” Shane couldn’t help the teasing tone his voice took on, grinning at the look Ilya shot him. It was full of disdain and something akin to a warning that he would not act on.

“Too much,” he corrected, sighing. “I am-” he was what? He didn’t have a name for the mix of emotions he was feeling as he waited. “It’s too much,” he said again, picking his phone up from the table by the bed, refusing to meet Shane’s much softer look. He hadn't turned it on, it was just something to grab, something to focus on if he needed to. If Shane kept pushing the teasing too far for his frayed nerves. 

But Shane didn't. He caught on, and a grimace crossed his face as he realized. “I’m sorry, baby,” Shane sat on the edge of the bed, one hand resting on Ilya’s thigh. “I didn’t think of it like that,” he admitted. With his other hand, he gently pulled the phone out of Ilya’s grasp and set it off to the side before pulling him into a hug. Ilya went willingly, resting his head on Shane’s shoulder. 

“It’s not your fault,” Ilya sighed, eyes watering. “I’m ready for her to be here,” he mumbled. “I hurt, all over. Back, hips, thighs.” he pulled back to look at Shane’s face. “The exam didn’t help.” he had gone most of the pregnancy without complaining, save for when the morning sickness came back full force. 

Shane reached up and wiped the tear away that fell down Ilya’s cheek, letting him rest his head back to his shoulder when his hand moved away. “When she has left again, I will call mom and dad to come for the rest of visiting hours as we've talked about. After, I can rub your legs.” Shane offered. “Then back and hips.” he had taken to doing that at night right before bed, hoping to help alleviate the pain where he could. “Then, we get you comfortable in the bed.” 

“Cuddle with me too?” Ilya asked, and Shane nodded. He usually wouldn’t, the last few times either had been in the hosptial, he was firm but gentle about not when it was Ilya in the bed. When it was him, Ilya was strung just as tightly and refused to let his guard down. Given that they were here for an entirely different reason, he didn’t see the issue with squeezing onto the bed. If Ilya needed comfort, Shane was going to give it to him.

When Ilya pulled away again and leaned against the bed only a minute later, Shane snagged Ilya’s phone to tell his parents that they were there and that they could come for the rest of visiting hours. He got a response immediately and relayed the information to Ilya who smiled. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

Yuna and David had been invaluable during his pregnancy. There with advice that helped, and not those meant for people to push fear at him. Had catered to his cravings when Shane was away for his last season before he took a season or two off. Had been there to hold his hand until Shane could get there when he almost lost the baby. They were his rock, and he didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t have them.

The nurse came in again, her hands full of the needed items to start an IV, and Ilya’s breath caught thin in his throat. “Alright!” She began, setting the items down to look at the both of them. She stepped back to wash her hands and donned a pair of gloves as she spoke.

“I have contacted your OB. We have a plan in place to get things started tonight,” she continued, her tone bright but not nearly as overwhelming as before. Maybe Ilya was just too tired now to bristle at it the same way. “We are going to begin with a medication to help your cervix soften and dilate, and then we will go from there depending on how your body responds.”

Ilya swallowed, nodding slowly as he tried to process the words through the haze of nerves and exhaustion. It sounded clinical, something that would happen to him rather than something he had to actively work for.

“Okay,” he managed, his voice quieter than he intended.

“First things first, though, I am going to get this IV started,” she said, already moving with practiced ease as she opened packaging and prepped supplies. “Nothing for now. It just makes it easier on you in the long run. That way you aren't fighting a contraction and having to stay still for us. Medications later on, it just makes everything easier.” He looked away as she stepped forward, her gloved hands making contact with his skin. He jumped as she looked for a usable vein, silently pleading that it did not go in the back of his hand. 

“Alright, I have a good spot here,” She lightly tapped at the area once more, making sure she could feel it under her gloved finger. She uncapped the needle and brought it to his skin, hearing the inhale. “Small pinch,” She warned, inserting the needle. His arm tensed up, pain blooming behind the needle. 

“Ow, what?” He looked over when she pulled it out, placing a gauze square over it. 

“The vein blew,” she explained, taping it down in place and discarding the needle. “I will not be trying again. Im going to have them come in with an IV ultrasound.” 

Ilya braced for her to blame his body as they were want to do. Ready for her to berate him about his level of hydration, or something that he couldn't control. “That was my skill issue,” she began. “I thought I felt the vein correctly, but seeing as it is not usable now, I clearly did not. I will be back shortly.”

The door clicked shut behind her, soft but final. Ilya stayed where he was, face pressed into the pillow, breath uneven and too loud in his own ears. His shoulders were tight, drawn up. He was bracing for something that had already happened. The sting in his arm pulsed dully now, but it wasn’t what made his throat feel tight. It was the knowledge it was coming again. 

Shane placed his palm on his cheek, rubbing at his cheekbone with his thumb, his other fingers curling around his neck slightly. He leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead before resting them together. “I want this to be done,” Ilya’s voice was wrecked, so small from the man Shane knew. 

Ilya groaned when the knock on the door broke them apart, only to relax when Yuna and David came in. “Hi, my loves,” Yuna turned the light over the bed off, seeing both let their shoulders drop. “They can always turn the light over the bed on,” She motioned to the chain above them.

“Thank you,” Ilya reached out to take her hand when she offered it. The headaches he had started to get somewhere near month two had left him seeking out dark rooms more often. It had not failed to amaze him how supportive she had been, no matter the time he called.

She brushed her hand over his curls before looking down at the arm near her. “She missed once, and stepped away. She went to go get another nurse to place an IV.”

She was about to speak when someone knocked on the door again, a new nurse and Lex coming in together. “Alright, this is Marc. He is from the ER, and good at getting the vein.” He had another IV set in his hands, and a smile on his face.

“May I?” He asked, and Shane stepped aside after squeezing Ilya’s hand and coming to the other side of the bed.

Ilya laid his arm out from where his and Shane’s had gravitated to his bump, turning his head away from Marc. “I heard we had a bit of a struggle already?” Ilya nodded, not in the mood to talk much. Marc’s gloved hand made contact with his skin, prodding firmly at his arm. He was deliberate in his moves, but fast in a way that implied he had done these many times in more stressful situations.

“Alright, quick pinch,” he hadn’t even needed the ultrasound, something that worried Shane momentarily. Until the needle slid home and Ilya didn’t even flinch.

“Just going to tape it down now,” Ilya looked down at the site of the IV, and then up to Marc’s face. “It’s all good to go.” He smoothed the tape down, stepping back.

“Thank you.” It was more than simple thanks. Something closer to relief that the next step was done. That they could move on even though moving on scared him. Marc nodded before he left, wishing them a goodnight as he took his leave.

“Alright,” Lex began. “I've got a pill here for you it will help you to start dilating. Then I'll leave you be for a while,” she promised, handing the cup over. “Between your cheek and teeth, let it dissolve. Lastly, if you would like to change out of the hospital gown into some of your own clothes, you're welcome to. I know those can be uncomfortable.”

He took it, making a face as it started to dissolve. She left the room after charting, leaving the family alone. “I'm going to change now that I've been allowed to,” he pulled at the front of the gown, unsticking it from his chest.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, letting Shane hoist him up. “Wait,” he groaned, wrapping his arms around Shane's neck and leaning his weight into him. Shane took him easily; hands firm on his hips. “Ah, fuck. I have to pee.”

Shane chuckled and led him to the bathroom. “I'll grab your clothes to change into. Call me when you are done.”

He closed the door before putting his bag onto the bed and digging through it. He found the shorts and big shirt they had packed for that reason.

“How are you feeling?” Yuna asked Shane as he waited to be called.

“I'm excited. Nervous for him. But excited to meet her.” He admitted, a soft smile on his face. Ilya called for him, and cracked the door open, slipping in.

“Alright,” Shane helped him step into the shorts after guiding his hands to his shoulders. “I've got you.” He promised. When Ilya was was steady on his feet, Shane stayed where he was knelt down, pressing his hands gently to his daughters first home. Ilya placed his hands on top of Shane’s, looking down at him with loving eyes. 

They got his shirt on when he stood up. It covered his bump completely, and the small shorts that had been packed for comfort. They left the restroom after a moment longer. 

“Alright, I've got cards,” Yuna held the deck up when they came out, and Ilya laughed. “Ready to be beat?”

Ilya sighed dramatically. “I could win!” All threes’ eyebrows raised and he pouted. “I could,” he huffed. “Or I teach game?” Yuna looked hesitant, knowing she was sure to lose if that was the case, but willing to go with it.

Ilya taught them a game he and Svetlana would play as kids, giggling together when the world wasn't so bad. “Bullshit” Yuna’s voice was hesitant, and Ilya shrugged one shoulder.

“Is it?” He grinned. “It is and I have to take all the cards, or it's not, and you have to.” She studied him closely, huffing but let it go. “3 Fives,” she laid the cards face down. 

“Bullshit,” he stated immediately, grinning. Two fives were in his hands.

“Fuck!” She picked the pile up, organizing the cards in her hand. “You were bluffing!” She glared as she came across the threes he had laid down.

Ilya grinned and nodded. “Da.”

“He's got a tell,” Shane snickered, and Ilya’s grin fell into a playful warning glare.

“Hollander!” He gasped, hand over his heart.

“Watch his hands,” is all Shane said, shrugging.

“You've got a tell too,” Ilya huffed playfully. They had all called Shane out the few times he had lied.

“Yeah, yeah.” Shane was glad this was taking Ilya’s mind off of why they were there. “Two sixes,” he placed the two cards down on the now empty playing space.

“Three sevens.”

“One eight.”

“Bullshit.”

It kept on and on for another hour, everyone but Yuna winning multiple rounds until Yuna had thrown her cards down and declared she was done. “Sore loser,” David laughed, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her cheek.

“Watch it,” she huffed, but let him. “I demand a rematch soon,” he was sure they would have time soon. They were over at their house often enough to eat dinner.

They stayed for another hour before leaving when visiting hours were over. She pressed a kiss to both their heads and hugging them. “Get some sleep. We’ll be back tomorrow when you are ready for us,” she promised into Ilya’s ear.

He clung to her tightly, nodding into her shoulder. “Thank you,” he squeezed gently before letting her go. As she pulled back, he grabbed her hand gently and pressed it to his stomach. The little girl pressed up into her grandmothers hand, and Yuna beamed.

“Be nice to your papa, my love.” She stepped back to pull Shane into a hug too, letting David take her place.

“See you tomorrow, son,” Ilya relaxed into his hold, letting David’s arms soothe some of the anxiety brewing. He took David's hand as he had Yuna’s, and the baby repeated her movement for him. “What your grandma said," David told the bump, thumb rubbing for a moment before they left.

Ilya bounced on the balls of his feet, shaking his arms out to expel the energy clinging to his limbs. “I’m ready to lay down. Lay with me?” Shane let himself be dragged to the bed. 

Ilya climbed up on the bed carefully, making room for Shane to cuddle up by him. They got him situated first, turned on his side with a pillow between his knees. As promised earlier, Shane's hands found the tender areas of his legs. He massaged at the muscles, gentle at first before working up. He stopped when Ilya’s hand clenched the sheets, hiding his face into the pillow. 

He took his time, as he did every night since they started this. Hands never straying, focused only at the task at hand. However, unlike most nights in their bed, it didn't have the same affect on Ilya. He would usually be dozing off by the time Shane had strengthened his efforts on his calves and feet. Tonight, he was too scared to do such a thing. Not that he would admit it. 

When he finally finished, a half hour dedicated to massaging his legs, Ilya declined his back being rubbed. He just wanted Shane’s arms around him. Shane climbed into the bed, letting Ilya rest his head against his chest. It had been one of the only comfortable positions lately.

“I love you,” Ilya whispered in Russian into the dark room. 

“I love you too.” 

Neither slept right away. The sounds of the hospital beyond the room too loud for their frayed nerves. They turned the tv on, letting the noise fill the silence in a way they didn't allow at home.

Ilya did fall first, energy zapped. Shane's hand had been rubbing up and down his back, pressing gentle kisses into his hair. It took Shane an hour longer. 

1:13 am 

As hospitals and its staff tend to do, they interrupted their sleep at nearly one in the morning. Pulling a bleary eyed Ilya’s face out of Shane’s chest as the dim light by the door was turned on. It bathed the room in its glow, and he suppressed a groan as Lex came in. “I know,” she promised. 

Shane woke up when he was nudged, removing himself from the bed when she came closer. “I'd like to check you really quick. See where we are at. See if more medicine is needed, or if we can move on with the pitocin.” She explained, watching his face as it drew up. 

He nodded tiredly, rolling slowly onto his back. The muscles there screamed at him, the heavy weight of their daughter trapping him, making it hard to breathe. “Hurry.” It was said in that quiet rasp, begging urgency. She laid the bed flat, the hum of it filling the room softly. 

Ilya and Shane pulled at the waistband of his shorts, working them down over his legs so she had access. “You know the drill,” he let his legs fall open, throwing his arm over his eyes again in an attempt to escape. 

Shane took his hand in his, squeezing gently. “Pressure now,” she warned. He gasped lowly, fighting to relax his muscles. “Two centimeters!” She declared, pulling her gloves off. “We can get you started on pitocin and get you moving in the right direction!” 

She left the room quickly, leaving the pair to star after her before righting his clothes. “Shane.” 

Shane squeezed his hand again, kissing his knuckles gently. “I heard her baby,” he promised, thumbing over his skin. 

They righted his shorts before Shane climbed in bed with him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders when he laid his head against Shane’s chest again. He didn't say anything about the too fast breaths Ilya was taking in. Or the way he could feel a tremble under his hand, knowing he wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, he dropped a kiss to his head and smiled secretly. They were so close to meeting their daughter. Closer than they had been this morning even. 

“I know you're smiling,” Shane tried to stop it. Let his features relax into something neutral. He knew Ilya was still anxious. About it all, not just the pain like he said earlier. “Is fine,” Ilya added, knowing his husband well and what he was trying to do for his sake. “It's happening. It's going to, no matter if I'm anxious or not.” 

Shane tightened his hold on Ilya, nodding. “It is. But I can be better about my emotions and feelings when you've told me yours.” Ilya pressed a kiss over Shane’s heart. 

“No,” he looked up finally, finding his eyes in the dark. “You are allowed to be excited. Is exciting. We are finally meeting her.” 

Shane held his eyes as thought, not for the first time in all of this, how much he loved Ilya. How much he had given up for him, and their future. “I'm taking next season off.” It wasn't a question. It was fact. “I missed a lot during this pregnacy. Times I should have been there. Thankfully, the times I needed ti be by you, I was close by.”

He wouldn't forget the call at 3 pm. Ilya crying into the phone, whispering he was sorry over and over again. That he thought he was losing the baby. Shane had only been at practice that day and had gotten to the hospital as soon as he shed his layer of gear. But it was still too long. 

Ilya melted into his side, arm wrapped securely around Shane’s waist. “I love you,” he said again. Thank you didn’t feel right for the decision. Didn't feel like enough, or something that should have been needed. 

“And I, you,” he whispered it in French. 

Lex broke their moment, knocking one more time before she came to the bed. Ilya still wished to hit her with a pillow, a thought Shane must have read because he shifted, leaning more weight into the back of the bed and giving him a look. “I've got the medication to start contractions. It's just going into your IV now. It could be as soon as thirty minutes, or it could be hours,” she warned, hanging the bag up.

Ilya's eyes tracked it, a weary feeling welling up as he did. She primed the bag and reached for his iv site and connected them. “You could feel nauseous, headaches. Itchy. We can help with the nausea and headaches if they get too bad. Just let us know if you need something.” 

The nausea hit thirty minutes later, burning deep and miserable. He had a sick bag clutched in his hands, body tense. The majority of the pregnancy had been easy enough. His morning sickness had stopped when they said it was going to, but the headaches that started around the same time persisted. His body had held out until month seven, his years of rigorous training aiding that. 

He gagged, hands flying up as he breathed deeply. It didn't ease; it surged. He closed his eyes, groaning as he swallowed thickly. He lost the fight, throwing up what little he had managed to get down before they left. Shane took the full bag and threw it out, handing him another. Ilya dropped his head to the pillow, watching Shane as he moved around the room. 

He only got a moment of reprieve before he was throwing up again. It bubbled up, burning his raw throat. “Call,” he begged.

Shane didn’t hesitate, he pressed the button on the side of the bed. “Hey, we need nausea meds in here,” His voice was clipped with worry. 

“On my way,” Lex promised, before the room plunged into silence. Ilya didn’t hear her. Another wave tore through him, sharper than the last. His body folded in on itself, one hand braced weakly against the mattress while the other gripped the bag like it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely. His shoulders shook, breath hitching between each gag.

She pushed the door open, forgoing the knock this time to reach him as quickly as possible. “Alright, I have something here to help. It will work quickly,” She connected the syringe to the port and pushed the medication through. 

Shane brushed damp curls back from his forehead, and Ilya chased the comfort, leaning into it. The relief wasn’t coming all at once. It was taking its time, leaving him restless. “Thank you,” he whispered, and she smiled.

“If it gets bad again, we'll give you something different.” He nodded, blowing out a breath. When the nausea was gone, an agonizing thirty minutes later, he looked intently at their bag, debating with himself.

“Can you get the letters? I want to read one or two before I go to bed again,” Shane grabbed the ones that he had packed. After a quick flip through of the ones in the stack, he had grabbed everyone conveniently labeled “Labor,” “Birth,” or some other indicator as to what they were. He handed them over and sat on the bed with him. 

“Cap! Bood here. I am going to keep this short and sweet, man. You are going to do amazing things tonight. She is going to be so loved and cherished. Remember, grit your teeth, get through the hard stuff, and let the reward guide you. You’ve done harder things than this before. This one just comes with tiny hands and a louder victory cry. We’re all rooting for you.” 

“Maybe not such a good idea,” he wiped his eyes quickly, putting the letter back in its envelope and looking at the next one. Each letter was more love and well wishes. It was people who wanted nothing but the best for them. 

The last one caught his attention, and he looked to Shane when he caught the handwriting.

It was in Russian, and Ilya just stared at it unblinking. “I am sure there are parts that I messed up on. But I did my best,” Shane kissed his cheek.

“My love, 

Mine is not short and sweet as I was asked to do. There is too much I need to say for that, and not enough time to tell you before we are parents. You are my everything. Twelve years ago, I met the man who became more important to me than hockey and anything else. You have given up so much for me, and now our baby girl too. I will forever be thankful for it all. I will never take you or her for granted. 

I know what you fear the most. Becoming like your mother and her sadness. Becoming like your father and his anger. I promise you this. You have people here who will help you fight to stay. I will help you fight to stay. On your bad days, Lottie and I will cuddle you. We will love you even when you can’t love yourself. We will make sure that you know how important you are to us. Not just because you are my husband or her papa. Not just because of what you will do for us. But because that is what family does. I’ve known you since we were still kids, exploring a world that was terrifying and new, and professional. I know, even in the moments you got angry with the world, I was safe. That you would never hurt me. You could never be like your father. 

I love you, Ilya. More than I can ever tell you. You’ve got this.” 

Shane was pushed into the bed, and Ilya tucked himself into Shane’s side, tears on his face as he cried quietly. 

Ilya eventually fell asleep curled up into Shane, tears drying on his cheeks. Shane followed half an hour later, letting the quiet of their room settle his nerves. 

7:00 am 

By the time shift change came around, Ilya had gotten five hours of sleep before the new nurse barged in, flipping on the bright lights with no care. Lex had belatedly followed her in, sucking in air between her teeth. “That wasn’t necessary. He had a rough night,” She sighed. But the damage was already done, Ilya’s eyes were squinted against the light, his face turning into the fabric of Shane’s shirt. 

“And I need to see,” the new nurse dismissed Lex. “Mr. Rosanov,” she looked over his chart. 

“Ilya,” he said on instinct. 

She only barreled on. “On pitocin for five hours,” She looked at the monitors. “No contractions. Okay. I am going to up the dosage a bit.” She adjusted the IV pump before stepping back. “Your OB will be in soon. While we wait. I will get vitals.” She wrapped the cuff around his arm tightly, looking up when there was a knock. 

“Lab.” 

Ilya let out a low groan as another person filed in, the room feeling suddenly too full, too bright, too loud. His migraine sharpened instantly, a hot pressure behind his eyes that made it hard to focus on anything except the tightening cuff.

“Can I get something for migraine?” He shifted slightly, trying to breathe through it, but the squeeze around his arm hit again. A sharp pulse of pain shot through his head.

“When I am done with your vitals,” she dismissed, before moving on. “Blood pressure is elevated. We will recheck later. I want to check dilation before I leave the room.” 

The lab tech stepped around the bed, opposite Shane and the nurse, and began to palpate the area. Ilya let his eyes fall closed again, ignoring the flurry of movement as best as he could. The lab tech took his blood, needing two sticks to find a vein, and he forced himself to stay still through it. The nurse had been forced to unlatch the cup around his arm and wait. 

The tech left quickly after, Lex following him out to go and speak to the charge nurse on duty. “Dilation. Then meds.” 

“Shane,” he motioned to the green bag on the table, throwing up into it as soon as it was in his hands. He had barely managed to push himself upright, his shoulders shaking as he it all came to a head. The migraine, the anxiety, everything rolled into one tight ball. 

The nurse's nose scrunched up as she watched, being bumped aside by Lex and the charge nurse who had come in. “He asked for medication for a migraine. Since she has upped the Pitocin dosage, I was going to suggest she offer an antiemetic too.” Lex took over, shooing her out of the way. 

“Alright, Ilya. I’ve got medicine for that migraine and nausea,” Lex promised. She injected the first medication. “I also have more nausea meds,” She held up the packaged syringe, and Ilya nodded, chest heaving and throat too raw to speak. 

The other woman in the room, silent until now, spoke up. “You are being reassigned,” she told the nurse who hadn’t even introduced herself. “Leave the room.” 

She did, anger written on her face, but Ilya relaxed into Shane more, sighing in relief. “Thank you,” he whispered. Both women nodded. 

“We are going to let that take effect. I am going to get someone else reassigned to you. The new nurse will be in within the hour to introduce herself.” Both women left, flipping the lights off as they went, plunging the room into darkness again. 

Shane handed him the travel bottle of mouthwash again, and he rinsed his mouth out. “Thank you.” 

They laid there for a half hour before she found his bladder, and he was getting up to use the restroom and to wash his face. Shane pulled his phone out while he was in there and texted his parents to let them know what was going on. Then Harris and Troy, knowing that the three were close. 

Yuna had replied almost instantly, saying that they would wait for the okay from Ilya before coming again. It had taken longer for Harris to answer, with a reminder that they could request new medical staff in their room if they needed it. Shane had told them that she had been removed, thankfully, and that the reminder made him feel better. 

Ilya finally came out of the restroom, looking more awake, if not miserable still. “Migraine is still there. Nausea is not,” He informed Shane, standing at the edge of the bed, not ready to get back in it yet. 

“I am glad you are getting some relief.” Ilya came closer, stepping between Shane's spread legs. Shane laid his chin gently against his stomach looking up into Ilya’s eyes. “Hi,” Shane smiled, hands coming up to cradle his stomach. 

“Hi,” Ilya's hands cupped his cheek, thumb brushing over his cheekbone. “Last time to sit like this,” he murmured. “She'll be here,” he was starting finally believe it. 

“She will. Last time it's just us.” 

Behind Ilya, his phone lit up with a message from Troy and Harris. Ilya turned to grab it, smiling as he saw a picture of Anya. “Our first baby,” he showed it to Shane. Both Anya and Chiron were playing together, running around with joy. 

“She's been so excited too,” Shane mused. She had been glued to Ilya’s side, her head resting on his bump when he was laying on the couch. On his heels when he moved, and in their bed at night. 

Ilya eventually texted Yuna and David that they could come to the hospital, and got an enthusiastic reply back. 

“Hi, good morning,” a knock on the door followed by a woman peaking her head in cause them both to look up. “Oh, good! We're up. My name is Sara. I'll be your nurse today. I'm just going to look at your chart here for a moment.” 

“I see you've been reacting to upping the pitocin,” Ilya nodded, leaning more into Shane. “And migraine. Alright. Next time we up the dosage, I'll have on hand some medicine for the nausea. There are some other things that can offer a little fast relief too if it doesn't hit fast,” she pulled out a prep pad and handed it over. “Just open it and bring it to your nose.” She explained. 

“I see you were at 2 centimeters at one-ish this morning. Would you be okay if I did another check?” He sighed but nodded. “Take your time getting into bed! I'm going to wash my hands.” 

Shane stood up from the side of the bed and helped him down, bracing his hand in his forearm to ease him to the bed. They worked his shorts down again, and he debated on changing into a gown, but decided against it just as quickly. Shane covered his lap with the blanket and smoothed it down, gentle hands resting on his strong thighs. 

She pulled the gloves on and lubricated her fingers before lifting the blanket. “I know you've had a few checks already, but you're going to feel my fingers, now pressure.” He closed his eyes tightly against it and breathed out, willing his body to stay relaxed. He grunted in discomfort when she pressed in more, and reached up to press on the top of his stomach. “Still two, but that's okay. We're gonna get you changing positions every half hour to work her down,” she smiled. “Probably have you sit up for a while before.” 

She pulled her gloves off and tossed them. “You can get your shorts back on and then I'll maneuver the bed once you have,” she smiled. They got him redressed just in time for Yuna and David to come in. 

She sat the bed all the way up, and instructed him how to sit. “Cross your ankles but keep your hips as wide as you can comfortably sit.” She left just as quickly, telling them she'd be back in a couple of hours. 

“Bad night?” Ilya just nodded. 

“Understated.” 

Yuna winced sympathetically, before pulling out a can of coke from her bag and offering it to Ilya. He took it with a thank you, watching as Shane was handed a can of ginger ale. “Now, I've got a regular deck of cards and I've got uno-”

“No uno!” All three said, remembering the last time they played. 

“No fun,” Yuna laughed, putting them away before she began to shuffle. “Same game?” 

“Yes!” There was a pillow put behind Ilya’s back, and under his arm when he leaned forward, and Shane sat beside him. 

They played for an hour, Yuna only won once in that whole time. “Seriously,” she sighed, taking all the cards and putting them up. 

“At least it didn't get loud this time,” David chuckled. 

They left at dinner time, wanting to give them time to themselves, and to get a quick bite to eat before they headed home and waited for the call.

2:03 am 

They were a day under Pitocin now. 2 am and the hospital was as silent as it would get. Especially on a labor and delivery ward. Ilya flinched at the cry of pain erupting next door and swung his legs over the side of the bed. The contractions had started shortly after Yuna and David left. They were bordering on painful now, but he could still talk through them. 

“Baby?” Shane asked, watching Ilya stand up. 

“Need to move,” his voice was tight as he pushed himself up, eyes flickering to the wall occasionally. “Cant-” he waved a hand to the wall, eyes wide. Shane nodded and helped him stand up. He dragged Ilya's arms around his neck and held onto his hips, swaying them side to side. 

“Starting,” Ilya mumbled, body dropping heavily into Shane’s arms. “Fuck,” he groaned. 

Shane tightened his hold, bracing his stance as Ilya leaned into him. “I've got you,” he promised. 

The pain peaked, and drew in a sharp breath, eyes squeezing shut as he forced it out. “Good, baby,” Shane praised. 

The pain released him slowly, and he sagged more, thankful for Shane’s strong arms around him. The cry came again and he flinched, eyes opening. “Fuck,” he said again, fear in his face. 

“Do you want to listen to music?” Shane offered, and Ilya gave a jerky nod. “Alright, where do you want to be?” 

“Bed.”

Shane helped Ilya get comfortable, stuffing a pillow between his thighs and knees when he turned onto his side. “I'll grab the earbuds and then we can cuddle if you want.” Shane grabbed them from their bag, before thinking for a moment. “How about something to focus on too?” 

“What?”

“I read some people bring an object to focus on during contractions.” Shane explained, pulling out the crocheted baby blanket Cassie had made. He got back into the bed with Ilya, laying the blanket out over his lap. “It will really help when they are closer.” Ilya laid his hand over the blanket, too dark to see the colors or lettering, but his hand still found her initials. 

“Thank you,” Shane handed him the earbuds, settling back in to be a pillow. 

Ilya pulled up instrumental music, needing something low stimulation but something he could turn up to drown out everything. He hesitated only slightly about putting the other bud in, before a scream of pain had him shoving it in. Shane rubbed his back when he laid his head against his chest, pressing a kiss to his head. 

He ended up falling asleep between the last contraction and the next, deep enough the next pull didn't wake him. 

He slept for three hours, not long enough to his exhausted body. But the next contraction that came didn't arrive. It ripped through him, bringing a wounded gasp from Ilya. Still in his music, he couldn't hear Shane, but could feel the rumble of his voice from where he was laying, could feel his broad palm against his back rubbing circles. “Ow,” he whimpered at the peak, barely able to hear himself. 

He blew out a sharp breath when it finally began to release, body relaxing into the bed. He pulled the ear buds out and set them on the table, done with the music. “Hey,” Shane smiled. It was soft, loving. Something that made Ilya's eyes well up. 

“That one was bad,” he mumbled. 

Shane didn't say anything. Nothing he could would help, so he simply nodded. “Do you think you can go back to bed?” Ilya shook his head. 

8:22 am

By the time David and Yuna came back at eight, the contractions were five minutes apart, and excruciating. He would go silent when they hit, curling into whoever he was leaned against. David and Yuna both offered their hands when Shane was forced to go and get a quick breakfast. He was currently leaning into David, the man's arms firm around him like Shane’s had been. They were swaying, David's arms wrapped around his back. “I did this for Yuna too. Movement helped her when Shane was taking his time.” He whispered into Ilya’s ear. 

The pain peaked and his breath caught in his throat, arms tightening. “There you go, it's all down now,” David murmured. 

Yuna can came up behind him, hands settling on his hips and applying as much counter pressure as she could. 

That was the scene Shane walked into after a hastily eaten breakfast. He let them help Ilya through it, snagging a quick picture as his heart soared for the three. He loved how much David and Yuna loved Ilya. How they had welcomed him after their initial worry and shock. How they were there for him when he needed someone and it couldn't be Shane. 

“Hey,” Shane said when Ilya came down. Ilya lifted his head for a moment and smiled, before dropping it again, content to stay with David until the man made him move. 

“Want to try the tub?” Shane asked. Until David made him move or something else was offered, Ilya corrected. 

“Please.” 

“Alright baby, I'm going to get the nurse.” As if summoned their new nurse, who Ilya forgot the name of promptly after she gave it, came in. 

“How are you doing?” She asked, and David put his hand on the back of Ilya’s neck to keep his head pressed to his shoulder. His back was to the nurse, but he pulled a grimace to Yuna who had to look away to stop the laughter. 

Shane spoke up before Ilya could, both men preventing the laboring man’s sarcasm or biting words to drive the woman from the room if he had finally reached his pain threshold. “He wants to try the tub.” 

“Of course. I'll get it started, but I'd like to check his dilation and check on baby before he gets in,” David squeezed his neck again gently, cutting off the start of Ilya’s next sentence, chuckling as he heard Ilya huff. 

She left the room to get the water started. It flooded the silence fast, and Ilya sighed softly as the promise of it relaxed him for a moment.

They waited for the next contraction to work its way through him, hands tightening and a gasp breaking through. Yuna pushed her hands together again, having taken her position at his back again. Shane was gathering up his clothes for after and setting them in bathroom as his parents helped Ilya. 

He came back just in time to help Ilya get settled against the bed, David and Yuna turning to give them privacy as Shane worked his shorts down again. Shane laid the blanket over his lap, the crocheted one gripped in Ilya’s hand as he turned his face. “Ow!” He gasped, her fingers probing roughly. 

“Sorry!” 

Shane squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “Breathe baby.” 

Ilya gave a jerky nod, inhaling deeply as he did. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until that moment. “Alright, you're at five!” The nurse exclaimed, and Ilya’s face fell, tears welling up in his eyes. Shane pulled him into a hug immediately, and Ilya cried quietly into shoulder. 

Hours of agony, hours of stalling, and nausea just for five centimeters. He eventually got himself together, the tears tapering down, and he wiped his eyes, breath stuttering. “I'm so-” Ilya tugged at his shorts, pulling them up when Shane got them to mid thigh, then removed the blanket. 

“No, don't you dare apologize.” 

The nurse had stepped away to give them privacy, charting at the computer by the bed. “I'll get those monitors removed, and push the IV in with you two when you are ready.” 

The nurse unhooked him quickly, and he swung his legs over the bed, pushing himself up to standing. He and Shane entered the bathroom, leaving the door open. 

The warm water enveloped him quickly, soothing his aching muscles. By the time David and Yuna came back at eight, the contractions were five minutes apart, and excruciating. He would go silent when they hit, curling into whoever he was leaned against. David and Yuna both offered their hands when Shane was forced to go and get a quick breakfast. He was currently leaning into David, the man's arms firm around him like Shane’s had been. They were swaying, David's arms wrapped around his back. “I did this for Yuna too. Movement helped her when Shane was taking his time.” He whispered into Ilya’s ear. 

The pain peaked and his breath caught in his throat, arms tightening. “There you go, it's all down now,” David murmured. 

Yuna can came up behind him, hands settling on his hips and applying as much counter pressure as she could. 

That was the scene Shane walked into after a hastily eaten breakfast. He let them help Ilya through it, snagging a quick picture as his heart soared for the three. He loved how much David and Yuna loved Ilya. How they had welcomed him after their initial worry and shock. How they were there for him when he needed someone and it couldn't be Shane. 

“Hey,” Shane said when Ilya came down. Ilya lifted his head for a moment and smiled, before dropping it again, content to stay with David until the man made him move. 

“Want to try the tub?” Shane asked. Until David made him move or something else was offered, Ilya corrected. 

“Please.” 

“Alright baby, I'm going to get the nurse.” As if summoned their new nurse, who Ilya forgot the name of promptly after she gave it, came in. 

“How are you doing?” She asked, and David put his hand on the back of Ilya’s neck to keep his head pressed to his shoulder. His back was to the nurse, but he pulled a grimace to Yuna who had to look away to stop the laughter. 

Shane spoke up before Ilya could, both men preventing the laboring man’s sarcasm or biting words to drive the woman from the room if he had finally reached his pain threshold. “He wants to try the tub.” 

“Of course. I'll get it started, but I'd like to check his dilation and check on baby before he gets in,” David squeezed his neck again gently, cutting off the start of Ilya’s next sentence, chuckling as he heard Ilya huff. 

She left the room to get the water started. It flooded the silence fast, and Ilya sighed softly as the promise of it relaxed him for a moment.

They waited for the next contraction to work its way through him, hands tightening and a gasp breaking through. Yuna pushed her hands together again, having taken her position at his back again. Shane was gathering up his clothes for after and setting them in bathroom as his parents helped Ilya. 

He came back just in time to help Ilya get settled against the bed, David and Yuna turning to give them privacy as Shane worked his shorts down again. Shane laid the blanket over his lap, the crocheted one gripped in Ilya’s hand as he turned his face. “Ow!” He gasped, her fingers probing roughly. 

“Sorry!” 

Shane squeezed his hand, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. “Breathe baby.” 

Ilya gave a jerky nod, inhaling deeply as he did. He didn't realize he was holding his breath until that moment. “Alright, you're at five!” The nurse exclaimed, and Ilya’s face fell, tears welling up in his eyes. Shane pulled him into a hug immediately, and Ilya cried quietly into shoulder. 

Hours of agony, hours of stalling, and nausea just for five centimeters. He eventually got himself together, the tears tapering down, and he wiped his eyes, breath stuttering. “I'm so-” Ilya tugged at his shorts, pulling them up when Shane got them to mid thigh, then removed the blanket. 

“No, don't you dare apologize.” 

The nurse had stepped away to give them privacy, charting at the computer by the bed. “I'll get those monitors removed, and push the IV in with you two when you are ready.” 

The nurse unhooked him quickly, and he swung his legs over the bed, pushing himself up to standing. He and Shane entered the bathroom, leaving the door open. 

The warm water enveloped him quickly, soothing his aching muscles. His shoulders dropped as he eased back, letting the tub take some of his weight. A slow exhale left him, longer than any he’d managed in the last hour.

“Better?” Shane asked quietly. He settled on the floor by the tub, his back against the wall and his hand dipping into the hot water. Ilya nodded, head lulling back. 

His hand tightened on the edge of the tub, his face pinching in a grimace. For the first time since he woke back up, it was manageable. It still bit deep in his stomach, made his thighs and back ache too, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. 

He eased back against the tub, breath punched out of him. “It wasn't as sharp this time.” 

He stayed in for an hour, contraction after contraction hitting him in waves. They were still every five minutes, still the dulled down feeling that seemed to sharpen the longer he stayed. Yuna had been in and out of the bathroom, getting them water and whatever they needed.

At one point, Shane’s phone was blowing up from Hayden, and he had stepped out to tell him to stop. Yuna had come in take Shane’s place during the call, brushing his curls out of his face and holding his hand. 

“Shane?” He had sweat dripping off his face, the water too much too suddenly. “Need out.” 

Shane stood up immediately, hands reaching down to grasp Ilya's so he could help him up. Ilya shifted forward, water sloshing around him. He got Ilya standing and a towel laid down before helping him out. “There you go my love.” 

He helped him strip the wet clothes off and into some dry shorts and a shirt, before he hung the wet ones out to dry. “Where do you want to go from here?” 

“Couch?” He asked, having eyed it when they first got settled, a potential spot to rest when he got further in. It felt safer than the bed right now, something that wouldn't remind him of what was happening more than the pain would. 

He made a beeline to the couch, smiling at Yuna as he got comfortable. “I did the same thing,” she chuckled. “Couch felt better than bed.” He nodded, letting his head fall back. 

“Yes, too much.” They talked to fill the space, pulling him in after the contractions ended, and letting him go silent when he needed to. They talked about the foundation and the work they were planning for the summer camps. Neither would be there full time this July, coming in occasionally when Lottie allowed it. She'd be three months by then, and they might be comfortable bringing her with. If not, they knew Yuna and David would willingly watch her. 

“Do you think the centaurs have a chance in the playoffs without you two?” Yuna asked, seeing Ilya fall into himself. Both looked up, before nodding. 

“Yes. We tapered down my time on the ice the last couple of games, as much as we could. The last win we had was almost all them. I scored one goal, and set up an assist.” Shane was proud of their team and how far they come. “Now, will they win a cup?” He tilted his hand side to side. “I think they could go far. Maybe even second to last round. But whoever they play might have a better shot at that.” He admitted. “Don't get me wrong, I'd love for us to win!” 

“Da, I agree.” Ilya sighed. “They'll go great. But there's some discord still. And if they get put against the metros, they still play… dirty. Fuck,” he pressed his hands into the couch. 

“They aren't going to change anytime soon with how I ended things with Hayden,” Shane rubbed Ilya's legs from where he was sitting in front of him. “Breathe. Don't hold your breath.” 

His cheeks puffed up with air, and he slowly blew it out. His leg was bouncing again, and Shane did nothing to stop it, letting the movement ground Ilya. “There you go baby.” 

“Talk,” Ilya begged. 

“I've got you a coke waiting for after she's here. And an energy drink. And as soon as we can, we'll get you your favorite sandwich.” Yuna promised. “Or whatever you want to eat after labor. I had sushi,” she laughed. “I didn't care for it before, but I craved it.” She shot shane a pointed look who laughed. “And he doesn't even like it.” 

Ilya let out a pained laugh. “If she doesn't like coke, or pickles in the future, I'd be surprised.” Shane mused. “I swear that's all she tolerated for a month there.” 

“Ugh, don't remind me,” Ilya shuddered. He breathed out harshly, leg stilling beneath Shane's hands. 

5:33 pm

Time distorted itself. The pain got closer and stronger, and Ilya was so tired. His body hurt and he was ready for it to be over. 

Tears were falling down his cheeks as the pain peaked, hands gripping Shane's tighter. “There you go baby,” Shane whispered in his ear, resting his cheek against Ilya’s. “Doing so good.” 

“Im tired,” Shane wanted to cry with him.

“I know.” 

“Fuck, it won't stop!” Ilya whimpered, rocking his hips side to side as another contraction rolled in right on top of the last. 

“Do you want the epidural?” The nod against his shoulder felt defeated. 

David was quick to press the button, Yuna’s hands pressing into his hips again. “I've got it son,” David promised. “Hey, can we get the nurse in here? He wants the epidural.”

“On my way.” 

He went through two more before their nurse came in. “I've put the order in with anesthesia. You're the next one,” she promised, a smile on her face. “The last check we did you were at 5, and that was a half hour ago so we're okay on that.” She checked the lines, the Pitocin, and monitors, making sure everything was good to go so they could get him laid down when they were done. 

His hands were shaking the longer it took for them to get in. “Let's get you sitting?” Shane gently lowered Ilya to the bed, kissing him softly when he was settled. 

His anxiety was picking up, the idea of the needle in his back was terrifying. He had gone down a spiral looking at what could go wrong. How often they did. And while the numbers were low, it could still happen.

It didn't take long before the anesthesiologist came in, pushing his cart into the room. And Ilya's heart rate picked up, hands squeezing tighter on Shane’s. The man looked at the monitor and chuckled. “Excited to see me?” 

“Da,” Ilya deadpanned, lifting his head. 

Yeah,” he said mildly, picking up the joke. “That tracks. Most people aren’t exactly thrilled to see my equipment.”

Ilya huffed out something that almost qualified as a laugh, but it broke halfway through. Shane immediately tightened his hold. “There you go,” he murmured. “Stay with me.”

The anesthesiologist stepped closer, tone shifting into something more grounded, more matter-of-fact.

“Your heart rate’s up because you’re anxious,” he said simply. “Not because anything is wrong. That part’s important.”

Ilya swallowed, jaw tight. “I looked it up,” he admitted, voice low. “I know what can happen.”

“I figured,” the man replied calmly, not pushing it away. “Most people do. The few who have a story to tell like to tell it. Scare other people. I'm sure you've had a few horror stories pushed your way with general labor?” Ilya gave a tight nod. 

The anesthesiologist continued, still steady. “So let me give you the part that actually matters. Serious complications from this are rare. Not ‘rare like winning the lottery,’ rare like I’ve not had one. And I do this a lot.” A beat. “I’m not guessing with your spine. I’m working in a space I know very well.”

Ilya’s fingers flexed tighter in Shane’s shirt anyway, but his breathing stuttered less sharply. The anesthesiologist nodded toward him briefly. “Your only job is to stay still when I ask. I’ll do everything else.”

Ilya let out a slow breath through his nose, trying to steady himself. “And if I can’t—”

“You will,” the anesthesiologist said, not sharply, just confidently. “But if a contraction hits at the wrong time, we pause. I don’t fight your body. We work around it.” 

He stepped around the bed and began to set up. A nurse put a pillow into his lap, “Curl into that, and lean forward into him, and put your arms under his.” Ilya wrapped his arms around Shane, leaning forward. He drew his shoulders forward and rested his head against Shane’s chest. Shane's hands found their mark easily, one hand at the base of his neck, squeezing gently, and the other against his side to keep his arm there. “I'm going to put a drape against your back and clean it. It'll be cold.” 

“Wait,” Ilya said, forcing out a breath. 

The anesthesiologist did, watching his heart rate and how he dealt with the contraction. A minute later, Ilya sagged back into Shane and nodded. “Okay.” 

He began to drape Ilya's back, taping it up and informing Shane to keep his hands where they were. He wiped his back down, and Ilya shuddered as it wiped across his heated skin. 

“Alright, now comes the pinch. It will burn after and then go away.” 

Ilya's hands tightened in Shane’s shirt. “Ow,” he barely got it out, eyes closing tightly against it. 

“Worst is over.”

“Wait,” this one hit harder, tightening faster. It traveled down his thighs and burned in its wake. Shane squeezed the back of his neck gently, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Along with the horror stories about the failed epidurals, the what could go wrong, he had also heard stories about the anesthesiologists placing them. Some were down right rude, some were snarky when it didn't listen when a would hit. 

This one lasted longer, Ilya mused in the pain. “Too long,” he groaned. 

“As soon as it's over, we're going to jump back into it. I want to get it placed before your next one so you're not trying to sit still.” It was coming down, and Ilya nodded. 

“Alright, it's done,” the nurse spoke up from where she was looking at the screen. 

“Alright, I'm going to begin again,” Ilya nodded and curled forward again. “You'll feel pressure now. Let me know if it doesn't feel right.” 

Ilya took a inhaled before going still. “Beginning. Stay very still for me,” the pressure was insistent, but not as bad as the pain. “Doing so good. Needle is in, I'm threading the catheter through now.” 

“It's done. Give it a few minutes to start to work.” Ilya sagged back, sighing in relief. “You shouldn't be able to feel from your chest down. Mine don't usually fail. I've had maybe one or two a year that just don't take. If that's the case, I will come back. Congrats, and good luck.” He smiled, leaving the room.  

They helped him swing his legs back into the bed and get settled. “Once that kicks in, we're going to get a peanut ball between your knees and try and get you dilated more.” The nurse said. “Then you can sleep.” 

1 am 

He had gotten real sleep sometime after the epidural was placed.  They had only come in twice, getting his hips opened up as much as possible the first time, and then a check to see if it had worked. 

Shane had fallen asleep on the couch an hour after Ilya, after a long discussion that he absolutely should and better try.

He stirred slowly, face turning into his pillow and his brow furrowing. A faint pain creeping over his back and around his stomach. It dragged him from sleep fully when it peaked, not nearly as strong as before, but enough it stung. 

He looked to find Shane still asleep, and smiled softly. He was glad that he had gotten to sleep too. The idea of waking him didn't sit right, but he knew he would need him. Instead, he pressed the button on the bed to call for his nurse. 

“Hello?” 

“I'm feeling pain,” his accent was thicker after waking up, making the English feel weird on his tongue. 

“I'll send your nurse in.” 

She plunged the room into silence again, and he dragged his phone over to himself, looking at the time. He groaned lowly to himself seeing it. “You've got weird timing princess,” he whispered in Russian, fond and very loving. 

“Oh, I can wake him!” She was far too willing to disturb Shane's sleep for his comfort. He hadn't even heard her come in. 

“No,” he said quickly. “Let him sleep. He's been up with me all this time.” She rolled her eyes at his defense, thinking Shane lazy and Ilya just protecting him. 

“He really should be up helping you.” 

“And he has been. You don't know what we've gone through to be here. That's why I'm not calling anyway. The epidural is wearing off?” 

It was more a question as he was unsure. He read it was a thing that could happen, and did. “Alright, I can get them back in to top it up,” Ilya shook his head. 

“No. Can you check me? I feel pressure,” he admitted. “Low.”

She washed her hands quickly and pulled on a pair of gloves, before helping him remove his shorts. Her check was quick and efficient, but he still squirmed, a pain lancing up his back. “You're at 9.” 

His eyes widened in shock, a cold rush of fear traveled down his back. “Water still hasn't broke yet. We can do that for you if you'd like.” He hesitated and looked at Shane again, before nodding. She left the room to gather the tools. 

“Shane?” He called out, loud enough that he knew Shane could hear him. Shane was awake immediately, sitting up. 

“Baby?” 

“I'm at 9.” 

Shane quickly came to stand by the head of his bed, kissing his cheek softly. “That's great baby,” he beamed. 

“Call David and Yuna after she breaks my water?” He asked, and Shane nodded. 

“Of course,” he promised. Ilya laid his head back against the pillow he was resting on. “What woke you up?” 

“I was starting to feel the contractions again,” Ilya admitted, face scrunching up as another one tore through him. “Ow, ow,” he groaned hand squeezing Shane's tightly.  

“Breath through it baby,” Ilya gave a nod, forcing air out at the peak. His back arched up off the bed, breath catching in his chest. 

The nurse re-entered as it dissipated, leaving him breathless. Ilya was still catching his breath, chest rising and falling unevenly. His hand was locked around Shane's, grounding them both in the touch. 

“Alright, ready?” She asked, holding the package up and showing him the hook. He nodded. “I'll insert this against my fingers. This hook will grab onto the sac and I'll drag it. There should be no pain,” She explained, opening the package after washing her hands and pulling her gloves on. “The pad under you will catch it, and we'll get the bed changed after we get moved. Since you are at nine, it would be best to get you as active as we can to get baby here.” 

It was over quickly, and the next contraction that slammed into him hit harder without the cushion. He curled in on himself, an aborted yelp leaving lips. “Ilya, breath.” Shane pulled his hand against his stomach and exaggerated his breathing for Ilya to follow. “In through your nose, out through your mouth,” he instructed. 

Ilya tried to copy him, shaking his head half way through, unable to. It ended slowly, dragging fire up his legs and back, leaving him panting for air. “Alright, before the next one, let's get you moved. Hands and knees.” 

“We’re going to get you down here,” she repeated, gesturing to the lower part of the bed. “We’ll lower it so you can rest on your forearms. It can help take pressure off your back and encourage baby to shift.”

He stared for a second longer, then gave a small nod. “Okay.” They helped him get settled, lowering the bed when he was stable. He leaned onto his forearms and dropped his head between his shoulders, nodding when he was as comfortable as he was going to get. 

He tugged at the dry blanket, and Shane grabbed it to drape over his back. “Call, please.” 

Shane grabbed his phone, keeping on hand on Ilya’s back and made the call to his parents. 

Shane let out a breath when his mom answered on the second ring, groggily saying hello. “Hey. Yeah, it’s happening. He’s at nine.”

There was a sharp inhale on the other end.

“We’re coming,” she said instantly.

By him, Ilya let out a low sound as another contraction crept in, his body tightening again where he rested on his forearms. Shane shifted closer without thinking, keeping his voice steady on the call while his hand pressed firmer into Ilya’s back.

“He just had his water broken,” Shane added quickly. “They said it should move fast now.”

“We’re on our way,” she repeated, already moving in the background of her end of the call. “David!” 

Shane chuckled lowly, shaking his head. “They're on their way.” 

2:33 am 

“I need to push,” Ilya gasped, hands fisting in the blanket. Shane had climbed up on the bed after they changed it from when they broke his water. Ilya's face was turned to the side, resting on Shane's lap. Shane's fingers were carding through his curls. Yuna and David were standing on either side of him, having made it only ten minutes after Shane called. 

David jammed his finger against the button and told them as much. A flurry of commotion crowded the room, and their nurse checked him quickly. “You're fully dilated!” She declared. “How do you want to be?” 

“Like this, let me,” he pleaded, body bearing down for him. He held it for ten seconds, a near silent groan stolen from his chest. The contractions had been agony. This at least had a place to go. An outlet for him to make progress. 

“Don't like this. Back,” he shook his head after the contraction ended. Shane got off the bed quickly, and together with David and the nurse, they got him settled with his legs in stirrups. 

Yuna and Shane took a leg, Shane's other hand gripping Ilya's. On his other side, David had his hand in his. He looked up tiredly to find her face and she gave him a smile. “You've got this,” she promised, hand brushing over his curls across David’s arms. “Let's meet your girl.”

Their doctor, who was thankfully on duty, came in the room and got gowned up. “Alright Ilya, you ready to meet her, finally?” He gave a stilted nod, cursing as another contraction hit. 

“Please, I need to-” he cut himself off, putting his chin to his chest and pushing. Shane counted down from ten when instructed, leaning in close to Ilya's ear so he could hear. When Shane got down to one, he fell back against the pillow. 

“Good! Keep doing that and we'll see her soon!” 

An hour of pushing passed, and frustrated tears welled up in his eyes, falling down his cheeks. 

Another contraction rolled in and he pushed through it on instinct, chin to chest, body locking forward as Shane counted down again in his ear. “—three… two… one…”

He dropped back against the pillow at the end, chest heaving, a broken sound slipping out of him before he could stop it.And then, it didn’t reset the way it had before.

His breath stuttered. His face tightened, but not from effort this time. From frustration. From something cracking at the edges. “I can’t—” he started, voice rough and uneven. “I’m doing it, I’m—why isn’t—”

His words broke off completely as another push hit, but when it passed, it didn’t bring relief like before. Just more of the same endless cycle waiting for him.

“You're doing it. She's almost crowning. One more push and she will be. It's going to burn.” 

Yuna rubbed his knee, staying silent but offering encouragement. David was whispering encouragement in his ear, and Shane was squeezing his hand. 

He nodded to whatever David had said, closing his eyes tightly and blowing out a harsh breath. On the next surge, he disentangled his hands from their and gripped his thighs. “Good! Curl over her, force her down.” 

The next contraction came and he pushed hard, face reddening from the exertion. “Good! I can see a lot of hair!” She said gleefully, but didn't elaborate. “You gotta get her here to know,” she said, knowing they hadn't wanted to know until they could both see. 

“Alright! Her head is about to crown. Pant for me Ilya,” she instructed. “Don't push!” 

He sobbed as the burn intensified, flailing to reclaim their hands as he panted. Shane dropped a kiss to his knuckles, eyes full of love. “You're doing it baby!” He whispered in awe, watching Ilya work through it. 

“Alright! The forehead is out. Give me a small push for the rest of her head.” 

He tried to give a small push, but his body had other ideas. “Ow! Ow, ow,” he groaned. White hot agony shot through his lower body and flinched back against the bed. 

“You tore. It's okay though, it's small. Keep going, we'll get you stitched up.” She grabbed a warm cloth when it was handed to her, staunching the blood flow. He whimpered at the added sensation but pushed again when directed to. “I know. Just making sure you don't tear more!” She promised. “Ilya, her head is out! Do you want to feel?” 

He hesitated and looked up to Shane, before nodding. She took his hand gently and placed it on top of Lottie's head. He breathed out in shock, a small smile coming to his face. The warm, wet weight of her had his strength redoubling. It was quickly stolen though, “Alright. Shoulders next.” He took a deep breath and bore down again, one shoulder slipping free. The sensation making his face scrunch up again. 

“One more, and the rest is easy!” He gave his everything with the next push, her shoulder slipping free. In the same push, the rest of her body did too in a nauseating rush of fluids. He fell back against the bed, panting again before she was placed on his chest. 

“You did it!” Shane was openly crying now, in awe of Ilya. He pressed a kiss to Ilya's temple, letting his hands move up to cup their daughter and steady Ilya's shaking ones. “Look at her baby.” 

She had a head full of black hair, and Ilya was instantly taken. “Hi baby girl, Hi Lottie,” his hands were cradling her gently against his chest. She began to cry, loud and indignant at being forced from her warm home. 

“Oh, I know sweet girl,” Ilya cooed to her in Russian, a breathless laugh leaving him. “I know.” 

“We're going to get the cord cut in a minute. Then the placenta taken care of. We can give you the hour of skin to skin before we do tests and vaccines with her right there on your chest.” Ilya barely nodded, not taking his eyes off her. 

“Dad? Do you want to cut the cord?” Shane was handed a pair of scissors and shown where to cut. With shaking hands he cut the connection. Ilya had looked up for that, the smile never leaving his face. 

Shane returned to the both of them, setting the blanket over their daughter when it was handed to him. “I can't believe she's here. You did so good. I'm so proud of you,” he kissed his temple again, before gently turning his head to kiss his lips. It was chaste, but he poured all of his love into it. 

“You might feel some smaller contractions here soon. It's just the placenta. One or two small pushes and you'll have it done with. We’ll stitch the wound and then we can get your legs down after.” 

Lottie shifted slightly against him, still fussing, her tiny face scrunched and red as she protested the cold, the light, everything that wasn’t him. Her cry softened in little bursts as she settled into his warmth, her cheek pressing against his skin.

“Hey. Hey,” Ilya murmured, voice wrecked but gentle, instinctively rocking her the little bit he could. “It’s okay.  I’ve got you.”

His body started to shake, teeth chattering. “That's the hormone crash, do you want a blanket?” Someone asked from off to the side.

“P-please,” he stuttered through the chattering. It was laid over them, but the shaking didn't stop. 

His fingers trembled where they cradled her, like he still didn’t trust his own hands not to break something so small. Shane’s hand covered his, steadying both of them. Yuna and David were still pressed against the bed too, hands on his shoulders and against the top of his head. 

He looked up at the two, surprised when their attention was on him and not the little girl on his chest. “We're so proud of you Ilya, you did amazing,” Yuna’s voice was thick and she pushed it down, refusing to cry. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and 

“You’re good,” Shane whispered, voice still thick with emotion. “You’re perfect.” 

“Alright, small push for us Ilya,” he tensed up when the smaller contraction hit, thankful it wasn't the same intensity of the others. 

He gave a small tentative push. “Good! All done! We're going to get you cleaned up and stitched and then we'll leave you alone for a little while. Keep your attention on baby and you won't notice anything but the initial sharp pinch and sting.” 

The shaking refused to stop, uncontrollable shivers that rattled through him, teeth still knocking together as he tried to steady his breathing. 

Lottie barely stirred. Curled against his chest, she seemed to settle further into him, like she instinctively knew where she belonged. One tiny hand pressed weakly against his skin, her breathing soft and uneven but there.

“I’ve got you,” Ilya whispered again, though it came out shaky, his voice catching between the tremors.

Shane’s hand stayed firmly over his, anchoring both of them. His other hand moved up, rubbing slow, steady circles into Ilya’s shoulder beneath the blanket.

Yuna’s hand smoothed gently over his hair again, lingering there. “You did so well,” she said softly, emotion still thick in her voice despite how hard she was holding it back. “So, so well.”

The nurse’s voice came gently from below. “Alright, we’re going to start stitching now. You’ll feel a quick pinch.” Ilya nodded faintly, though his focus didn’t move.

“Little poke,” the doctor warned. The injection burned, sharp and sudden, and Ilya flinched slightly, a quiet sound slipping out of him. 

They stitched him up, placing four in the tear before helping him lower his legs. The entire time, his focus was her warm weight against his chest, and her little hands opening and closing into fists. 

They got a diaper and hat on her, hands gently working between Ilya and Lottie as they got it secured. She fussed when they moved her, settling immediately when they stopped. 

When the hour had passed he gently handed her off to Shane, beaming when he easily took her in his arms. She gave a cry before settling when Shane cooed to her. “Hey Lottie-girl,” his voice broke. “Hi.” 

She hardly weighed anything to Shane, her little body so light that he was surprised. They had told them she could weigh up to eight pounds. Through his own spiral some time ago at five in the morning, he knew they weren't exact. 

He got to hold her for ten minutes as Ilya was being cleaned up gently. His eyes never leaving the two. His whole world standing so close by him. “You're going to be so loved.” He caught Shane whispering to her. “So strong, and talented too.” Lottie huffed softly, and he chuckled. “Are you telling me about it?” 

4:30 am 

Lottie had passed all her newborn exams with flying colors. She was six pounds and five ounces, and 20 inches long. 

They had moved him to a new room for recovery, and he had made the slow change from bed to wheelchair and back. “Cuddle,” he demanded of Shane, leaning into his arms when they were wrapped around him.

She was currently resting her grandma’s arms, snuggled up happily in the knit blanket Cassie had made her. They had all gotten pictures with her, and Ilya was currently drafting up a message to their friends. 

“Charlotte Irina Hollander-Rozanov. Born 3:46 am. She was 6lbs 5oz.” He attached the pictures and sent them to the large group chat he created. 

“Alright Miss Lottie. I'm going to give you to your papa and grandpa and I are getting out of here for a few hours. We'll be back though. I promise you that.” She stood up gently and transferred her against Ilya’s chest. “What would you like to eat?” She asked Ilya, stepping back a moment. 

He thought for a moment, unsure. “Breakfast and lunch.” Yuna added. “We're getting you both for such a beautiful granddaughter.” 

Shane spoke up with a laugh, knowing his husband well. “A McGriddle and sub sandwich, and Coke.” Ilya flushed but nodded, causing Yuna and David to laugh. 

“You got it.” Yuna pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, hugging him carefully. He hugged her back tightly. 

“Thank you.” He whispered. 

“We love you,” David hugged him too when Yuna pulled away. 

When they left, both posted the pictures to their social media, expressing their love and excitement for their future. 

“Get some sleep, baby. When you wake up, if you feel up to it, you can get a bath and I'll help you with your hair. Then our other family can come if you want them too.” 

Charlotte Irina Hollander-Rozanov. Grow loved & Grow strong.