Chapter Text
“I wish you were here, Eren."
There was a flash of lightning, a loud blast of steam that was so familiar he could hear it in his dreams. He could write a tale of ten about the nightmares that sound began with.
A sound so very familiar.
Eren Jaeger looked up and saw the Colossal Titan staring back at him. It didn't shock him. But what shocked him still were the memories that filled his mind at that very moment. The steam threw everyone off the wall, and it was sheer instinct that had him use his 3DMG gear to latch onto the wall and prevent his own death.
The future had never changed from what he knew. Even if he wanted to change it, it never changed from the course he knew of it.
He could hear Sasha and Conny and Mina, and then he was moving, flying through the air with a skill he had honed as he tried to attack the titan.
The steam was so hot. He had forgotten the sensation. The Colossal Titan disappeared, Bertholdt in hiding again.
Eren stood on top of the wall to Trost district and stared at the Pure Titans lumbering into the city. If he screamed…why did he feel like he could control them all?
“Eren!"
“Eren!"
He heard an echo of two voices, both so different, and he almost didn't want to turn. Their voices were so young. Not innocent, but that shake in their voices that meant fear, as they called out his name. When Ymir had been trying to kill them, had they called out to him, sounding equally scared?
When they finally realized that he would have to be killed, had they been that scared too?
Eren didn't know.
He was terrified of losing them. He would redo the entire thing if he had to, but…
Ah, he was just so tired of this.
“Eren!" Armin called out, an arm on his shoulder yanking him back, and Eren turned.
Mikasa and Armin looked so young, faces untouched by injuries and war. But their eyes…their eyes were grief stricken and fearful.
"It really is you,” Mikasa breathed, before wrapping her arms around him and Armin. "You're here. Eren!”
Eren took a deep breath.
"Mikasa, Armin,” he said their names, tasting the names he had spoken so often in his life. His entire life had been made up by these two names, and then he had added three more- Sasha, Conny, and Jean.
He wrapped his arms around his world.
“You're here," he said, and his voice wavered.
“We're here," Armin said, and his voice was wet too, “Eren. Eren."
“Guys! I know you're glad everyone is alive, but we need to head back to HQ," Conny said with a shaky voice, fear evident.
Eren pulled away, discreetly wiping his eyes. His two friends did the same, and their eyes met.
“Go ahead," Armin said, glancing at Conny. “We're coming in a bit."
Sasha had already gone ahead, carrying the dead body of a fellow cadet, with the others beside her.
“There's no one else but us here," Armin said grimly. “Eren…did you do something? No, it couldn't have been you. Mikasa?"
“I…don't know," Mikasa said, frowning. “I remember sitting beside Eren’s…grave-" she whispered the words quietly, as if it would wipe out what Eren had done and what the result of it had been. “-and I just said I wished he was there. And then the next thing I remember is here.”
Eren sighed heavily, searching inside him for what he should have found, and finding nothing there.
"It's definitely Ymir,” he confirmed in a soft whisper. "She's not there anymore. She handed everything to me.”
He pressed a hand to his chest.
"Or it could have been that creature. I feel it inside me. It's authority lies entirely with me,” he said quietly, and then he looked at the land within Wall Maria that was ravaged by Titans.
If he wanted, he could turn every Titan back to human right this instant. All these Titans who would kill and be killed, all those humans, he could save them all.
And yet, it would solve nothing.
Already he knew that there was no possibility of an entirely new Pure Titan. Without Ymir to create each Titan body, they couldn't be anyone new turning into a Titan. With Ymir gone, new Titans couldn't be formed unless Eren died and replaced Ymir in that world.
The Marleys wouldn’t know that something had happened just yet. However, if they tried to turn someone new into a Pure Titan and failed…they would attempt to check the island. And If they didn't see the Pure Titans on the island…what would happen?
“-en! Eren!" Armin shook him.
Eren looked at him with a faintly lost look.
“Armin-" what should we do?
But Armin was already way ahead of him.
“First we need to get through this battle like before. Let's head to HQ first," Armin said, and the three dodged the increasing number of Titans to reach the Headquarters.
Both Armin and Mikasa had disgruntled looks on their faces at having to use the old ODM gears again. Eren was mildly amused.
"Just because you don't use it that often,” Armin grumbled as he caught the look on Eren’s face.
In contrast to the battles they had been, the Battle of Trost was both important and not as scary as it had been before. The cadets were being gathered together at the central courtyard, and as everyone gathered, his two friends grabbed a corner to talk a little more.
"Eren…you know right? Don't do it,” Armin whispered to him. Eren looked at him.
"Do you have a plan?” He asked.
"Not yet,” Armin said hesitantly.
“Then I will if I have to," Eren refuted.
“Eren!" Mikasa snapped.
“I got it, Mikasa," he sighed. “Its a last option. The last one," he emphasized looking at both their eyes with firmness that came from being a mass murderer that had killed billions of people for his goal. “And, it would go better too. Since I would have better control over the titans. But," he sighed, “I admit that I'm pretty stupid. That maybe it wouldn't have been needed if it wasn't me with all that power. I'll always fight for our freedom," Eren sighed, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips, relieved.
“But for the first time, I don't feel a path ahead of me," Eren looked at Armin and then at Mikasa. “I don't see an inevitable future. There's no future at all. It's a blank slate."
“So, she cut off our past and future?" Armin asked in a hushed voice. He caught Eren’s arm tightly. “Then this time, we can talk. We can- we can do something."
Armin sounded almost excited, tired eyes widening with hope. He smiled at Eren and then at Mikasa.
"We can do it!” He told them.
"What crazy plan are you three cooking up right before the battle?" Reiner asked, voice tight but trying to be deliberately cheery. “Don't do anything crazy, you hear? Especially you, Eren."
Eren froze, a multitude of emotions rushing through him.
Reiner.
In the end, Eren had genuinely forgiven Reiner. He still wanted that asshole to atone, but in the end, Eren had created all of his own problems. He had urged Dina’s Titan form to go towards his mom instead of a tired Bertholdt.
Rewatching his past with Zeke had been both cathartic and refreshing, creating an undeniable truth of who he was. And it had made the path to the inevitable future even more painful and inevitable.
Eren couldn't be stopped, not until that future came true and he caught that glimpse of peace with his own hands. But now, even though Eren would still fight for freedom, he had reached an inevitable truth- all of what had happened was because he was a fucking idiot.
He didn't mean the Marley vs Paradise or even the different levels of fucked up Marley's military government was. He meant the actions he had taken to them. He meant the inevitable future that he had seen. The future that had only been formed because he was who he was, and he was the one the coordinate had fallen to.
In the end, he hadn't shared anything with everyone. The Hizuru hadn't helped them enough, greedy for their resources, but Eren had never quite wanted a peaceful resolution anyway. He had taken out his hatred in the world, he and Armin had seen the land as they had dreamt of it- the sea of fire, the sea of water, a land full of sand, a land full of snow.
Now, Eren understood a little of what made up Armin’s freedom too. Their last talk had still been too late, the Rumbling set off across the land, but it had been good.
He remembered that feeling. He bit into it and thought about the small pieces of peace that he had enjoyed- Historia running after an orphaned boy 2 months after she had been crowned, cleaning up the old rickety house with the new Levi squad made up of his friends, Hanji screaming in excitement as they succeeded at a new success or idea.
He had always yearned for freedom, so much so that he had been sure that his was the right path- and he couldn't say for sure it wasn't either.
Ymir and that creature had both died with him. Every Titan had disappeared for good and his lifelong goal had been fulfilled. But that goal had originated from his own decisions. He had allowed his own mother's death, and caused his hatred for Titans to consume him. He had killed for freedom again and again.
Levi had once told him this- I don't know the right answer. But no one ever knows how it will turn out. So choose for yourself, whichever decision you will regret the least.
Eren didn't regret his actions.
He remembered being tormented by the deaths of the people he respected, and he was equally tormented as he saw people fight against his army of Titans, when he saw them run and not succeed, when he saw someone he recognised die under the trample of Titan feet, or burn alive in the steam.
But no matter how painful it had been, the ending was this- Mikasa, Armin, Levi, Jean, Conny and even Reiner and Annie had been alive. Titans had all disappeared and the Scouts who had pledged their hearts had witnessed the end of the era of Titans.
Wars wouldn't end between humans, but at least Eren had bought the lives of the ones who still lived. He didn't regret that. He could never regret that. But at the same time, he loathed to repeat his actions.
Even the thought of it made him simultaneously nauseous and want to claw out his own heart to see if it was still there. The screams of innocents still rang in his ears, and the fact that he had thought it was inevitable until the very end...
He didn't know how to feel about that.
Reiner had been right though. Eren had always always been the worst person to hold this power.
If the holder was Historia, had been Armin or Jean or heck, even Levi- he knew that the future they would see would be so vastly different from what he had seen. He didn't know if it would have saved their lives or not, but it certainly wouldn't have been as bad as the one he had seen was.
“Eren!" Mikasa shook him, and Eren blinked up at her. "Let's go, we need to line up!”
“You keep getting lost again," she said quietly, standing behind him, a small frown in her face. Eren looked at her. She looked so soft, her face was so young. But he could see who she would become too.
“Did you guys become heroes?” He asked, and it might be abrupt to them, but he hoped that they did. He had wanted them all to live long long lives.
"Ah,” Armin gasped, and then rubbed the back of his head with embarrassment. "We did. Ambassadors for peace treaty to Paradis too actually.”
He nodded slightly. A faint smile flickered on his face. Then he looked at the two again.
“This time, I'll leave it up to others to find a more peaceful option," Eren decided. “Armin, what do you think we should do?"
"For now, we should stick to it,” Armin whispered to him. "We need more time, and we don't have any right now. Can you…?” he trailed off, and then took a deep breath.
“I can do everything she could, you know that right? Are you sure I should stick to that?” Eren asked, looking at Armin.
"We need to stop the next breach and get into the Scout Regiment. We'll- We'll do the rest," Armin glanced at Mikasa.
Needless to say that showing off Eren's titan form was the only way to stop Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie's decision to destroy more of the walls. And Eren being a titan had made most of their yearmates to go into the Scout Regiment. Along with Eren himself, of course.
“Marco?" Eren mouthed, as everyone quietened. Armin squeezed his arm reassuringly.
We'll save him.
Without Marco’s death, Jean wouldn't be who he was. He might actually choose a cushy life. But it was something they were willing to accept. Marco's death had scarred Jean in a way almost nothing else in the rest of his life had- ecen Eren's decisions, even Sasha's death.
Even if it wasn't for Marco himself, they would do it for Jean.
Everything was for his friends.
Eren focused on the front, he vaguely remembered their orders to stay in HQ, and Keith Shades, his parents' friend, looked equally scared while ordering them to their deaths. Everyone in this time was still scared shitless of facing the Titans. He remembered the people who were called Jaegerists- they were people Floch had chosen from their own cadets.
Why had it been so much easier and yet somehow more difficult to raise their guns and swords against their own people? In the end, too many things hadn't gone how he planned.
He had never wanted them to actually take over their island even if that's what the future said would happen.
He had wanted Commander Pyxis to live. He even wanted their Premier to live. He hadn't wanted any of his captains or comrades to turn into Titans by Zeke’s roar, but no one could control everything- not even someone who knew the future. He had seen one and he had seen the end, and he had accepted it.
His desire for freedom was its own shackle, and it had created a future where he died to fulfil it. He had emptied the lands of its people, he had seen- oh, he had seen.
There was everything that Armin had said and much more that he hadn't imagined. But the only thing he could see was the blood soaked future that could come with them all. Despite knowing that they were all humans, Eren would soak the land in its blood.
Keith Shadis’ speech over, everyone separated, and Eren walked towards the building, towards their assigned area.
Someone bumped into him, and Eren was pulled outside of his mind. He looked up.
Jean.
Angry, and scared and scowly.
Jean was scared to death of the Titans that had rushed into Trost. If everything went well, Mikasa and Armin would prevent Marco’s death and Jean would finally become that MP he had always wanted to be.
“What's wrong?" He asked, even though he knew already.
“What's wrong?!" Jean yelled. “Unlike you, I don't have a death wish! Since you wanted to join the Survey Corps, I'm sure you're ready to become Titan food anytime! But I was to go to the Interior tomorrow!"
“Calm down," Eren said, grabbing the arm that was pulling him close by his collar. Jean almost hesitated, noticing that there was something different about him, but then anger hit him again at Eren’s words and he tightened his grip.
“I'm supposed to stay calm and die?" Jean yelled back.
“No," Eren yanked Jean’s hand from his collar, annoyed. Even when Jean was a kid, he was so annoying. “Don't forget the three years we endured! In those three years, how many times did we almost die? How many of us really did die? Some ran and some were kicked out, but out of everyone- we made it.”
Eren pulled away, but didn't drop Jean’s arm, grabbing it tightly, as he stared at Jean’s relatively innocent eyes.
"We made it. You made it. So, we can make it through today. You'll survive today and go to the Interior tomorrow, right?” Eren asked, and he could see the look on his face change, as he cursed under his breath, looking away.
Goodbye, idiot.
"We'll say our goodbyes tomorrow then,” Eren scoffed, almost smirking, at the pissed off look on his face.
"Shut up idiot! Don't end up as Titan chew first!" Jean yelled at him, and Eren dropped his arm.
Even if it would happen…heh, was it cruel to say he would miss the Jean he knew? That guy was still in there, and maybe Jean would come back to the Survey like Floch, or maybe he would choose the Survey Corps like he did even without Marco dying.
Either way, it was out of Eren's hand.
The only thing he could do was remember the brave idiot who chose to fight for humanity. He was a true Survey Corps member.
Eren turned away, towards Armin and Mikasa, and a familiar electric feeling went through him. Eren turned instantly, eyes locking with Jean’s shocked, familiar ones.
Jean took a moment, and then his face descended to a fearsome scowl, as he advanced towards Eren.
“You suicidal idiot!" He roared with grief and irritation and affection and just the innate desire they had to hit the other. “What the fuck-"
Mikasa punched him in the face, before pulling him down to her.
“Don't yell," she said quietly to him. Jean’s eyes flickered to everyone watching them, and Mikasa let him go. Jean looked away, huffing in irritation, rubbing at the light punch Mikasa had landed on his face.
“Let's go inside," Armin suggested, a pinch of fake nerves in his voice. Eren almost rolled his eyes, but Mikasa gently bumped into him.
“Let's go then," Eren said, and the four of them shuffled inside.
“What did you do?" Jean turned and pulled Eren up by his collar again. “Literally destroying the world wasn't enough? You wanna do it again, you asshole?"
Even though Jean was being a tad cruel with his words, he could tell he didn't really mean them. Eren had talked to him too, before he died. So Eren couldn't help the smug grin.
“Hey, Jean," he said, and Jean’s scowl only got deeper at his expression, even if he looked relieved too. “Marco’s alive, you know?"
Jean’s scowl faded. In fact all expressions from his face faded. He looked stunned.
“Oh shit," Jean blinked. “Oh shit, you're right. He's alive." He looked at Eren grinning smugly, and he scowled again. "I'm not gonna thank you, you smugly asshole!”
Eren tilted his head towards Mikasa.
"It wasn't me. It was her,” he said, still smirking, "I was dead, you horseface.”
Jean glanced at Armin before he looked at Mikasa, then clicked his tongue.
"You three are always causing problems, huh?” Jean let Eren go, sighing.
"So,” he rubbed his face. "Do you have a plan?”
"Eren does what he did, we save as many as we can,” Armin said shortly. Jean glanced at him, and then at Eren.
"How much of that power do you have?” He asked Eren. "Can’t you just turn everyone back like you did at the end?” He asked that but he didn't seem to expect Eren to actually have it.
"I can,” Eren confirmed. "I am stopping most of the Titans from farther away from charge in, and I can even strip the ones we know of off their power,” he glanced around, barely stopping at where he saw Ymir with Historia, and Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt gathered together.
Jean clasped Eren’s shoulder, shaking him, eyes wide.
"Then do it,” he said, and he looked almost desperate. It would probably stop a lot of deaths if he did.
"And then?” Eren asked. "You know, right? You're an idiot too. Something like that would just end with us dying when the military finds out and kills me before we deal with the bigger problem. We need an explanation, and we'll get it if we keep going like before."
Jean scowled, but he let Eren go, sighing deeply.
“Can you make everyone remember that time?" He asked. “Then Conny and Sasha…?"
“They're too loud right now," Armin interrupted. “I would suggest Captain Levi whenever you can, but no one else. He'd be the only other person who would understand our need for discretion, and he probably wouldn't spill everything to Commander Erwin. He knows what's at stake. If there are any problems, he's high enough in the Survey Corps to help you."
Eren nodded, thinking of the Captain.
“I was thinking of him too," Eren said, and he thought about everything the man had taught him- harsh about everything, from cleaning to their discipline and technique, but in the end, he had told both Erwin and Hanji to die for the sake of the world.
In the end, he had even told Eren he regretted saving him all the time because it made him think they were coming to save him any time he fucked up, and Eren had laughed then, dry and broken but still unbearably grateful to the man.
Eren smiled a little at the memory.
“If you three die, don't think I won't bring you back as Titans," he warned the three, and was rewarded with scowly blushes from the three. Jean scowled at him even more heavily, even with his reddened face.
“You’re the idiot who doesn't even use his 3DMG, unlike us. We're the veterans. You're going to start your path as the idiot who didn't even get his first kill in Trost," Jean scoffed.
“All right then. Let's see how many you can kill when compared to me. I'll finish off my gas before I turn," he grinned, challengingly.
“No," Mikasa interrupted. “Throw it at Armin. Don't waste your gas. Our ODM gear is too clunky now," Mikasa tapped at her own gas canister with a scowl. “Don't waste too much time either. You can gather up the Titans near you, and remember that this is still your first transformation. Even if you know what's coming, it can still be tough on you."
Eren sighed.
“You still like bursting my bubble, Mikasa," he complained, and Mikasa scowled at him. He looked away and agreed.
“Okay fine! I'll do it like-"
“What. Are you four doing?! Stop wasting time! Go fill up canisters for the vanguard! And you, you're Mikasa Ackerman from the 104th Cadet Squad, right? You're needed in the vanguard,” a man scolded them.
They saluted and Mikasa stepped forward, following him as the senior officer turned and walked off. Mikasa spared them a glance before following him without a word.
"Make sure everyone survives,” Eren tapped both their shoulders before returning to their duty.
They stayed busy and it went like it did last time. They stayed near the Headquarters, a basic defense from the Titans who might approach it and prevent the vanguard from reaching it in time to refuel.
And after that, they were sent out to support the vanguard while the citizens evacuated.
"Let's go,” Eren said, looking carefully at his team standing on a broken rooftop. Mina, Thomas, Nack, and Milius. He would make sure they all returned alive this time.
“Team 34! Support the vanguard!”
"Yes!” Eren responded. "Let's go! Keep your eyes on your surroundings!”
They all dove off, using their gear to rush towards where the vanguard had let the Titans slip past them. While their teammates shit talked their seniors, not paying too much attention, Armin and Eren positioned themselves near the others, eyes darting warily.
"Aberrant!” Eren alerted, "Spread out!”
But even though he said that, Eren and Armin latched onto the body of that Aberrant. Armin caught Thomas who the Aberrant was jumping for, swinging them both just off while Eren used his momentum to swing high, coming down with gravity to cut through its fingers reaching for him, and then slashing through its nape.
The six of them landed on a rooftop, eyes wide with shock. Thomas was coughing on his knees as Armin patted his back.
“You killed it, Eren!" they stared, shocked. Eren could see the tremble in their arms that fear gave.
"That was close,” Eren said, approaching Thomas.
"Thanks, Armin,” Thomas said, gratefully holding onto Armin with a shaking arm.
"Be careful,” Armin patted his arm and he stood up. “We're useless if we're dead. That's probably how the vanguard died too. We're basically in Titan territory now.”
"We're gonna kill the Titans one at a time,” Eren said. "Don't pick up speed in a straight line like Thomas just did. There's more around us.”
"I see it,” Mina said in a shaky voice. "Two 5 meter titans.”
"There's three more on this side,” Nack called out.
“Armin and I are going to distract the two 5 meters and you three stay out of reach of its hands until they're distracted and then kill them," Eren commanded, and the six of them set off towards it. Armin and he swung almost into their hands, before darting away. Armin cut off a finger, and the two titans were facing each other.
“Now!" Eren yelled, and the others set off in pairs to kill the two. Armin and Eren exchanged a glance, before Eren jumped in too, flying right between their eyes as Mina slashed through one of their necks with a scream.
"It's not deep enough!” screamed Thomas, and Armin was there, slashing through its eyes. The Titans’ swinging arms caught Milius’s leg, and he screamed as he crashed into the rooftop.
Eren glanced at the Titan, slowly healing up from the cut on its shoulder and its eyes. Armin was looking at their team hurrying towards their injured member, leaving the Titan alone.
Armin twisted mid-flight, one of his anchors digging into the Titan’s flesh before he swung wide and slashed into it's neck, killing it.
"How bad is it?” Eren asked, and then saw Milius’s broken arm and bleeding head, unconscious on the rooftop.
“He won't make it to Wall Rose," Armin said grimly.
"You mean we won't make it,” Eren said quietly, looking at their path back to Headquarters. "He's not conscious. Leave him inside the house.”
“We don't have much of a choice if the retreat isn't sounded soon," Armin said glumly.
“We- we can't!" Mina yelled.
“There's another coming," Eren said, exchanging a glance with Armin. “I'll get it."
“No, wait!" Nack yelled shakily.
Eren didn't listen, launching himself up. He slipped between the buildings, turning the corner to cut through the loitering Titan's nape. He glanced back once, and saw everyone staring at him with horror, and when he looked forward- he saw the wide mouth of another Titan, gaping open.
Eren’s hand darted to the straps on his side but he didn't manage to get them off in time.
The Titan’s teeth snapped shut around his legs, cutting them off.
“Eren!" He could hear the screams, and Eren scowled, his entire body slipping. He plugged one of his anchors to the inner flesh of the mouth, unstrapping his blade and gas, before he pushed the Titan’s mouth open.
He could see Armin’s pained expression, and Eren almost laughed. It was almost like the first time.
"We'll get you out!” Mina screamed. "Eren!”
"No,” he said, and Mina froze in place, caught in the determination in his eyes. "Grab this!”
He threw his two attachments at them, and Mina caught it with wide eyes, mouth gaping.
"Go to- to Headquarters. Be careful, you idiots,” Eren said, looking at the people in front of him. He looked last at Armin.
"1 minute,” Armin mouthed, and Erin grinned at everyone.
"Sorry for leaving you like this,” he said, and then let go, the Titan snapped it's jaw shut, and he slid right down into the Titan’s stomach.
The heat burned. The coagulated blood and body parts were melting through his flesh. It was exactly like the last time.
Stay alive, he thought. Then he counted, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
No one dropped down after him so it was safe to say Armin had taken them away for now. He would turn to a Titan and Armin would follow him from a safe distance as he killed Titans while walking around the Headquarters.
-31, 32, 33, 34-
Eren had never thought about how clumsy they were in actual combat. There were less Titans in Trost than last time, but how many had died here? Every time the Survey Corps went out, they came back more skilled, but with even more sacrifices.
For now, he knew that at least Jean and Marco wouldn't die so easily. Mikasa would return soon and she was ridiculously strong, especially after years of running after him and saving him again and again.
Eren would really like to laugh about it, but he clenched his fingers, thinking about how being younger, and not having a future set out for him, and knowing everything and still aiming for the same goal, made him feel both relieved and conflicted.
He wanted to make it a little more of Armin's world too. Maybe they could find a way to make peace. Erwin and Pyxis and more veterans of the Scouts were alive. There had to be something they could do, some way to use Eren's strength to bring peace instead of war.
Armin had told him that there was freedom in the small things too, just as there was freedom in the big things. He wanted to aim for a time without Titans, but that day was inevitable. He wasn't Ymir. When he died, he would let go of that creature- Hallucigenia.
Ymir had found peace and she had given Mikasa and Eren a chance too. Eren still wasn't sure what it was. He had died after all, but he knew that it was Mikasa who had truly freed Ymir. But Ymir was linked to Eren, and so the entirety of her strength had been granted to him.
His enemy-
His enemy used to be the whole world.
Now, he thought that maybe he should give Armin’s way a chance too. Maybe, it was fine to not have a grand enemy. He couldn't kill the entire world one person at a time, but he could protect Paradis, one person at a time.
He had Ymir’s memories, and she was strong. She was ridiculously strong.
The only problem was that…she had given her everything to King Fritz.
But War Hammer’s ability plus Ymir’s timeless work had given too much strength to Eren now. But Eren understood how to use that strength now. Ymir…that woman had created bridges and roads, had created with more than her powers as a Titan. She had created palaces and refugees and bridges and made paths throughout the kingdom she lived in. She had created a basis of peace. But her master and king had ruined it all.
More than anything, Ymir had yearned for freedom, and unlike Eren, she had created things that would help her people, instead of only killing for them, like King Fritz had commanded of her.
Eren…he could do that too.
He had his freedom to choose, and he didn't need to choose to kill. He could save the Eldians outside the walls too.
Soon. Soon.
-58, 59, 60.
It was with a loud roar that Eren burst through the Titan’s flesh, ripping through everything as he took the form of his Attack Titan, and ripped out a chunk of it's neck.
There won't be any more nightmares, he thought at them, remembering their Ymir's words about how it had felt like to be a Titan. I'll give you freedom.
They would be more glad if they could turn human, but some Titans wouldn't be able to hold onto their consciousness. He could sense that most of the Titans had lost even that small consciousness that Ymir had once had in those 60 years as a Titan.
He wondered if she had been like all the other Titans- eating humans- or if she had just been wandering helplessly alone.
The other Titans who had lost their consciousness must have been tortured by the senseless killing and eating they must have done.
Come, Eren screamed- roared- in his Titan form. Come to me. I will free you.
The Titans rushed at him, and Eren knew nothing else, a wild frenzy eating at his own consciousness as he tore an arm and threw it out. As he tore through the nape of another Titan.
He just needed to kill the Titans. Armin, Mikasa, Jean- they would all deal with everything else.
“Armin! Mina! Thomas, and Nack…is that Milius?” Conny asked, staring at the slumped figure with wide eyes. "Where's Eren?”
Everyone looked away, and Armin stepped forward, looking down.
"Let's regroup first,” Armin said quietly. They all brushed past Conny, swinging carefully with Milius carried between two people.
They all gathered together, Jean looked up at them, and let out a silent relieved sigh.
“Is this everyone?" He asked, and Armin locked eyes with him, before nodding firmly. “Mikasa isn't going to like this."
Armin felt nauseous all of a sudden, a shudder running through him. It had been months ago, but he still couldn't get over Eren dying. Eren being actually permanently dead felt impossible…until it actually happened.
Armin pressed a hand to his face, and then went to the edge of the rooftop, gagging.
“Calm down Armin," Jean went to his side, rubbing his back, while his other squadmates carefully laid Milius out.
"He's not dead,” Mina said carefully. “But he's really injured."
“Oi, what happened to Eren? Is he-" Conny asked, landing on the rooftop after the five of them.
"We shouldn't have fought,” Nack said from where he was kneeling beside Milius’ unconscious body. "If we weren't fighting about what to do about Milius, Eren wouldn't have tried to fight a Titan on his own. If we had all gone in-”
"-you would have died too,” Jean snapped. "If someone like him didn't see it coming, you wouldn't have either! He scored better than you in the training!”
"He did kill that Titan,” Mina said quietly. "Eren killed two Titans by himself. And then those two 5 meter ones too- Armin and Eren distracted them while we failed to kill them.”
"I’m- I'm sorry,” Thomas sobbed. "I didn't cut it right! I’m sorry, I'm sorry, Milius-”
"Hey! Don't cry over someone who's not even dead yet!” Jean snapped. "We have much bigger problems right now. They sounded the retreat, if we don't get to the Headquarters soon, we're dead.”
Mikasa landed on the same rooftop as them, staring at the sight of the overrun Headquarters.
“I get the situation right now," Mikasa said quietly, and then she looked at Armin, who was kneeling at the edge of the rooftop. “Are you okay, Armin?" She rushed to him.
She looked around.
“Where's Eren?" She asked, and a hush fell over everyone. Mikasa looked at Armin and he stood up slowly and wrapped his arms around Mikasa.
“He's dead," Armin said, and he could feel a flash of remembered pain, tucking his face into her neck. “Mikasa, he- he's dead."
Mikasa stood frozen in his embrace. For one long minute, she was still, and then she rested her hand briefly on his back and breathed out slowly. She stepped back.
“What should we do about the Headquarters, Armin? I can lead the charge," Mikasa said.
“Take this," Armin shoved two gas canisters they had taken from Eren’s gear. “It's Eren’s. He- he opened the Titan’s mouth to throw it at us."
Jean scoffed from behind them, probably finding Eren’s drama ridiculous. Mikasa’s hand shook as she took them, taking a deep breath before she replaced her almost empty ones with Eren’s almost full ones.
Armin stepped away from Mikasa.
“We saw an Aberrant Titan killing other Titans on our way here. I think we can use it to get close to the Headquarters," Armin said tightly. “It was only killing the Titans and it completely passed by us."
"What, really? A Titan killing other Titans? Is that…is that even possible?” Marco asked shakily.
"We saw it,” Mina spoke up, "But… I don't know how we can lead it there.”
"We can get the Titans to follow us,” Armin said. "As long as we make a path towards the Headquarters, the Aberrant will definitely be attracted to them."
"The other Titans are attacking it too?” Reiner asked, a frown on his face.
"Yeah,” Nack answered, stepping away from Milius’ unconscious body, his head wound wrapped up. "I think Armin is right.”
"Is it even alive, if it's been attacking the Titans?” Ymir scoffed.
"Let's go look,” Mikasa said, and then she swung out. It took a couple of swings to reach Eren's Titan form, and Mikasa let out a relieved sigh.
Eren’s movements were rough, the first transformation must have robbed him of his consciousness again. He clawed a Titan’s nape off and then looked at Mikasa. A part of him was still awake then. Not completely under it either.
Mikasa rushed to the side, towards a Titan and when Eren caught sight of it, he roared, running at it, an arm coming down on it to force it down in submission and bite its nape off.
"It's actually fighting other Titans,” Conny whispered.
"I guess everything’s possible huh,” Ymir scoffed.
"Let's go gather up Titans and lead it towards the Headquarters,” Jean said, and everyone followed him.
Mikasa and Armin spent most of their time saving their fellow Cadets, while Jean led from the front, making sure no one rushed too far into Titan territory and died.
Unsurprisingly, since there were 3 titan shifters and 3 people who had lived through worse battles, they survived. Even Milius, who was being dragged between Nack and Thomas, made it to the tower where the Supply Team was cowering.
Jean snapped at everyone until they all managed to do what they had done last time and refilled their gear, complaining the entire time about the asshole senior officers who had left the Headquarters undefended.
Mikasa and Armin quickly left Jean and everyone else behind, going up high to watch as Eren’s Titan slaughtered everyone around the Headquarters, roaring in defiance even as chunks of his flesh were torn right off.
Finally, when the fighting was over, his Titan slumped over, and Eren dragged himself out of the burning flesh.
“What the hell is that?” Conny said, horrified. Jean glanced at him, and then back at Eren coming out of his Titan. He looked at Armin and Mikasa rushing to him, both embracing him tightly, relieved.
He saw Annie and Reiner and Bertholdt, all looking shocked at Eren's emerging figure. He saw Eren as he was brought to the rooftop and Eren gained a bit of his consciousness and his figure relaxed completely in his two friends’ embrace. His eyes met Jean’s with a relieved smile, before looking at Sasha and Conny and then skipping to Mina and Thomas. Nack was still refueling.
I'm glad you're okay, Eren expressed with his eyes, and Jean clicked his tongue annoyed at the sudden heat on his face.
Goddamn it. Their suicidal idiot had become a complete simp on top of being a nutcase. He only had to say it that once! Jean didn't need any more reminding that Eren cared about them.
The idiot who had ended the world for them- Jean didn't need anything else to put all his bets on him.
Asshole, he glared.
Horse fucker, Eren glared back.
Armin smushed Eren's cheeks and Jean snorted, trying not to laugh as Eren tried to glare at him with a smushed face.
“You're never ever leaving us-" to deal with everything alone “-ever again," Armin emphasized. Eren nodded, pouting a bit at being bossed around so much.
“Let’s go," Mikasa pulled Eren up and the two of them helped Eren get geared up and everyone went back to the walls. Mikasa and Armin lagged behind everyone, and Jean led from the front, avoiding the few straggling Titans nearer the Wall.
Like before, Jean and the other cadets reported Eren turning into a Titan and getting alarmed, their asshole of a superior decided that he had to kill Eren. Jean followed what he had done in the past, not interfering as Eren protected his childhood friends from the first shot and Armin stepped forward to speak passionately in Eren’s defence.
With much more experience, Armin's words were more firm, based on more than blind belief. Jean could see the way it made more people waver, soldiers hesitating even though their superior was shouting at them.
Finally, Commander Pyxis made his appearance and whisked the three away, and Jean sighed in relief.
“Jean, you know, you seem kind of different from before," Marco told him as the Cadets separated to do their own thing.
“Marco," Jean said and smiled. He was so glad to see him again. “I don't know," he shrugged. “This was crazy but…I think I kind of understand what Eren was getting at. Is that strange?"
The one who ended the world and the ones who saved it. Jean smiled wryly.
“A little. My hands are still shaking from when I saw the Titans. I didn't even manage to kill one. I was too scared to," Marco confessed. “It's scary to think there are people who keep doing this again and again."
“Yeah," Jean admitted. “It's crazy scary. It's super crazy to think of facing the Titans again…but I feel like I don't have a choice, you know? We're so weak. Our world is already so small and it feels like shit that it keeps getting smaller. I don't know what else we can even do."
To be honest, Jean wasn't even sure how to deal with Marley. Even when they were going off to kill Eren, if the world had managed to survive…what would they have done against the entire world coming to kill them?
In a way, he really did get Eren. It was so extreme and yet Eren was trying his best to save the people he cared about too. For some reason though, they had time travelled to the past and Eren wasn't planning to do what he did before. He wanted to give peace a chance too.
Jean honestly didn't know if it would work, but he didn't want to sacrifice Eren and the world again for them. The way Eren had looked- there was something very soft about Eren now.
Jean had known from the moment he has seen him in Marley- Eren had been shattered. He had cut off his own leg, had taken out his own eye. He had killed innocents on a level no one who cared like him should ever have had to. He had broken himself again and again, for them. All for them. Everything for them.
Shinzo wo Sasageyo- Eren had embodied that to the fullest. To the point where even if everyone hated him, Jean would understand. He just couldn't make himself do that.
Eren was theirs. No one could take him away from them. His perceived betrayal had been the worst thing they had ever imagined, and knowing the truth had ruined them. But it was Eren. It was their Eren. Their Eren who loved them.
No one else would be able to see it, of course not. They had only ever seen how intensely Eren had hated. They were the ones who had seen his love.
Shinzo wo Sasageyo.
Heck, the way he was smiling at them made a part of Jean cringe away, blushing in embarrassment. It was the way he had said their goodbyes in their last life, before he died- happy and almost relieved, like he was done with his work and could rest now.
Jean didn't want Eren's sacrifice. They never had. And now with time and Eren on their side...they would find a way. He didn't know how, but he had faith in them.
Eren, Mikasa and Armin were sitting on top of the wall while Commander Pyxis drank his alcohol, looking out at the view of Trost district.
Eren didn't try to awaken him, leaving the Commander to continue as he was.
“The plan you mentioned, did you have something in mind or were you saying that just to survive?" Commander Pyxis asked.
"Sir, both!” Armin said sincerely. "If Eren can control his Titan form, then he can use it to pick up the large boulder and place it in front of the broken wall. That would block the wall and prevent Titans from entering."
“Control his Titan form, huh?" Commander Pyxis said, stoking his jar of alcohol. He turned to look at Eren.
Eren was already staring back at him, gaze firm. Commander Pyxis laughed.
"Looks like I don't even need to ask you, do I? You have the look of someone who would have done it alone if you had to,” he said, looking at Eren.
“I won't allow Shiganshina to repeat while I still breathe," Eren vowed looking Commander Pyxis in the eye. "Even if I have to do it by myself.”
Armin pressed his lips together, looking a little pained. Commander Pyxis stopped laughing, looking at him with a smile.
"I like your determination, Eren Jaeger,” Commander Pyxis said frankly, not taking offense to what was almost a threat of mutiny. "All right. We will launch the plan to retake Trost!”
And he started commanding the officers to form up and get ready. Armin was taken away to plan while Pyxis walked with Eren. Mikasa stepped away, joining Armin instead of Eren.
Eren didn't look back.
Honestly, at the end there, he had understood that Mikasa's affections for him were…not platonic. She was violently protective of him, but he had genuinely never considered her romantically. He loved her with everything he had in him, he had told her that before his death, but he had never, he could never think of actually liking her.
She was like his limb, he would ache and miss her like a part of his body when she was too far. But he had always thought liking someone meant having a separate identity from someone and being compatible with them, fitting in like a jigsaw.
He saw how his parents were. He knew how his dad and Dina were too. He had broken memories of generations of Founder Titan possessors and the few times they had found someone they loved, or witnessed someone close to them who loved another, and Eren couldn't imagine him and Mikasa in their place.
Mikasa had understood that from his words and actions too. He loved her, but he didn't love her romantically.
To be frank, he still didn't understand how she liked him like that at all? With the virtue of hindsight, he could tell that he had never shown himself as even a half decent romantic interest. Not like Niccolo and Sasha. Not even like that kid Falco who kept putting himself in harm’s way for that girl who killed Sasha, who had almost killed him.
“They say that before Titans gained dominion over the earth, there was endless slaughter of human life in wars over race and ideology. Then someone said, ‘if a powerful external threat were to appear, humanity would cease it's wars and unite’” Commander Pyxis spoke aloud.
Eren glanced at the Commander.
Every time he talked to Pyxis, he would have some kind of a talk that would leave him with a taste of what wisdom sounded like. Even if he was considered eccentric by the rest of the world, Eren almost wanted to awaken him like he did with Jean.
But he couldn't help hesitate.
What would Commander Pyxis decide if he awakened at this moment? Would he consider Eren too big of a risk?
When he had spent time in Marley as a recovering soldier, when he had asked his comrades to come attack the center of Liberio during the Tybur’s speech, what had the Commander been thinking? Had he been one of those people who wanted Eren to give up his Titan powers to someone they could control?
They hadn't even managed to talk yet, too busy being hassled by everything in Trost, running from one battle to another, always something to do so they didn't just die immediately. If Eren awakened Commander Pyxis, would he side with the Military Police in the trial? Would he backstab Eren's friends?
The questions stayed his hand.
It was better to do it after he could awaken Levi and then Erwin. The Scouts were the ones who shared his dream the most, even at the end there. How many would have commended him, how many would have disdained him?
Either way, the Scouts would always understand where he was coming from. If he could get Commander Erwin on his side, then he wouldn't be as worried about Commander Pyxis’ decisions.
But either way, he wanted- deeply- for the man to not condemn him for his choices.
“What do you think?" He asked Eren.
“At most, for a little while," Eren said.
The allied global alliance had tried futilely to stop the Rumbling from destroying all land. While there were many officials who had run away beforehand, there were many of them who had stayed behind trying to stop him- delay him.
“Just like the Scout Regiment who unite under the threat of Titans, using their lives to find a way forward, there would definitely be people who chose that. But,” he looked at the scared people under the wall, “there will never be any true unity of humanity, unless you take away their free will."
"Take away their free will, huh?” Commander Pyxis said. "You have an extreme mindset. But you're not wrong. We don't necessarily need to take it away, however. Just convince them that the correct course of action is what you want them to see. People are never black or white, and can be convinced to go on either side depending on their circumstances. Only a strong will can ensure that you are not swayed. Whether that's good or bad depends on you."
Eren caught Hannes looking at him with a relieved expression, and he tipped his head, smirking, then he stuck a tongue out before turning back straight faced to Commander Pyxis.
Hannes was alive too, huh.
His death had felt like a moment when Eren had really started to find his life worthless in the grand scheme of things. He would sacrifice his life a million times over to prevent all the tragedies that had happened.
I exist in this world, he reminded himself of his mother's words, and turned away from the memory of that day.
"Atten-tion!” Commander Pyxis yelled from over the wall, and somehow silenced everyone under it. Eren had witnessed this speech and this exact situation once before, but it didn't feel repetitive at all, instead, it sent a tingle of excitement through him.
This was a past that he could change. This was a past they could affect, and a future he couldn't see. He had no guarantee that his friends would survive if he started the Rumbling again, but if only they could find a peaceful result…if only they could do what they hadn't managed to do last time.
Not only Paradis, but they could save everyone. Those refugees and citizens who had been the biggest victims of the Rumbling could be saved. The people who had died burnt and trampled, none of them would have to die this way.
Eren, too, wanted to hope for its possibility.
“For this mission, our objective is to seal the hole where the gate was destroyed," Commander Pyxis sounded confident even if he had absolutely no clue about Eren's abilities, and his confidence invited the soldiers to hesitate in their fear. “Let me introduce you to the one who will seal the hole for us. From the Trainee Corps, Eren Jaeger," Eren saluted on cue.
“He is the result of the top secret experiment to turn humans into Titans. He can create and control a Titan’s body. He will become a Titan, pick up the giant boulder near the gate, carry it over and seal the hole. Your job will be to protect him from Titans while he moves the boulder!”
It was a plan Eren had already gone through, but this time…he would do it right. This time, he wouldn't allow people to sacrifice their lives pointlessly for him. More than 200 people had died and around 800 had been injured.
Out of them, most had been veterans. The loss for the future of Paradis was undeniable, and it had all happened because of Eren's own weakness.
With the plan and most of the veterans still alive, the total number of deaths and injuries would be massively reduced. People who faced the Titans knew the danger of it, and could face not only the Titans but the danger that other humans would pose to them in the future too.
The reactions were the same as before- overwhelming fear.
But Commander Pyxis used that fear to motivate them. For the same reason that they wanted to spend their last moments with their family, the same fear would motivate them to sacrifice their lives to prevent that fear from reaching their children and family.
Even if Commander Pyxis said, “I beg you, for the future of humanity, please die here," the soldiers would shed tears and die for him.
Eren had never managed to motivate people in this way. He had never been that kind of leader at all, and it was why Paradis Island had never quite bloomed the way it should have, even with their enemies mostly dead.
Eren had destroyed too much of Paradis on his way out.
As the sun started its descend on the distant horizon, they started the mission. They ran quietly over the wall, Titans being pulled towards the edges of the wall.
"We'll soon reach the shortest route to the boulder!” Their leader announced, "I'm not seeing any Titans, they have been lured away successfully.”
"Listen to me carefully, Jaeger,” the ash blonde woman said. "More than a few will die on this mission. For you. They will be our seniors or juniors. As soldiers, they're prepared to die, of course. But they're not pawns without a voice. They have names and families, and all the feelings those entail. Alyosha, Dominic, Phone, Isabel, Ludwig, Martina, Guido, Hans. They're all humans as alive as either of us. I've known some of them since my trainee days. And today, many will die for you. You have a responsibility to ensure that their deaths will mean something,” she kept talking, imposing the importance of duty onto someone she considered a new Cadet.
"No matter what happens. Never let yourself forget that, and be prepared to die for that responsibility,” she finished.
Mikasa flinched minutely, and Eren looked straight as they kept running.
"I’ll take responsibility,” Eren promised quietly, gaze firm.
“Here! Let's go!" Their leader yelled, and everyone jumped off the wall, their ODM gears anchors latched onto two buildings, swinging them through, until Eren spotted the boulder.
The ash blonde senior blew out a green smoke signal from the wall.
Eren bit into the meat of his hand and roared into his Titan form with a flash of lightning. He didn't spare more than a moment, fingers digging into the stone, eyes determined as he heaved the heavy stone onto his shoulders.
This was the most vulnerable he had been in his Titan form. He was completely unable to defend himself aside from using his hardening ability like the War Hammer’s.
The three seniors and Mikasa flew around him, swinging from house to house, cutting through the Titan's in his path before they could reach him. He could spot three teams with Mikasa right by his side, all spreading out on all sides to defend him.
He could see the splatters of blood as people died in his periphery, and it pissed him off. If only he was enough alone, if only he didn't have to worry about how everyone would fear him after…he would have saved them all already!
But, he couldn't be reckless about this again. He needed the Scout Regiment, just as much as they needed him! No matter how much it frustrated him, he would have to keep his eyes forward instead of lingering on the people who died for him.
The path through the houses ended, leaving only the open path from the houses to the gate. Eren couldn't order Titans to turn back. He could only nudge them to follow a slightly weaker desire.
Eren pushed the Titan's to follow the humans farther- go to the ones on the rooftops, let them use their 3DMG gear instead of dying on the empty ground!
But people still died all around him.
It was so frustrating. It was so frustrating.
He wanted- he wanted these Titans to stop killing his people!
But the boulder trapped him down. He couldn't scream, he couldn't call the Titans to him. He couldn't fight them as he was even if he did.
That hardening ability- if only he didn't have to hide it from Marley for now.
Eren roared, pushing the boulder off his shoulder and slammed it down on the gate to Trost. He breathed hard, before turning around and roaring again.
“He’s calling the Titans!" Mikasa yelled to all the teams. "He's going to fight!”
"Support him!” Someone screamed as the hoard of Titans who were going after the humans on the ground all stopped, turning to face him.
Eren stepped forward, roaring again, louder. And used a pinch of hardening as he smashed his fist through the closest Titan. He clawed through another's neck, throwing a few who latched onto his feet to the holes on the ground.
The sound of 3DMG filled his ears, and he wrapped his fist around someone, protecting them before they were yanked down by a Titan. He let them go over a roof, before biting into the Titan who was crawling over his body and shoving off another dead Titan body Mikasa or someone had killed.
It took another 10 minutes before the area was cleared out, and Mikasa dug her sword into his flesh- a signal to leave.
Eren froze, his Titan body standing still as he pulled his upper body free from the nape.
“Wait! He's human!" Mikasa screamed all of a sudden, and Eren turned, eyes wide with shock as a blade stopped short of severing him in two. He hadn't heard the wires of the ODM gear, hadn't even realized anyone was there until the sword stilled all the momentum it had just gathered without injuring him.
"What the ever loving shit is going on here,” Levi Ackerman demanded, looking down at where Eren’s arms and lower body was still fused with his Titan shell.
“Um…” Eren blinked, head blanked by the sudden surge of fear and adrenaline after the fight was over. The only thing he could remember was 'gotta lie to him' and what slipped out was, "Human…experimentation?"
Levi raised a judgemental brow.
A dozen people in various states of injuries dropped down around him, and Mikasa pulled Eren free from his Titan form. It was still a bit of a struggle considering this was his second full transformation of the day and he barely remembered his first.
Well, human experimentation was a shallow lie that Commander Pyxis had only been able to carry a veneer of for the day. The moment Trost had been sealed, he'd been in a hot bed with the Military until he had been thrown to the Survey- it was the only way he would survive (unless he planned to become 'King' which...yeah, no fucking way in hell).
“Sir!" The woman who had been scolding him what seemed like ages ago, saluted to Levi. "Eren Yeager can transform into a Titan! We used him to seal Trost after the 60-meter Titan destroyed the gate to Trost," Rico Brzenska reported, her gray eyes and ash blonde hair even dirtier from running around killing Titans and rolling around in half broken buildings. “Commander Pyxis is in charge of the operation.”
Eren felt a deep tiredness from the three transformations, and the relief from having finished his last mission for the day hit him as soon as he saw Levi relax his stance. He stumbled.
“Eren!" Mikasa caught him, alarmed.
Despite the fact that their relationship was still complicated from the last time they had a proper talk- back before he had died, after he had set off the Rumbling, when he had been so certain that all the deaths would result in peace for his friends- Eren only felt a bone deep relief in the arms of his almost-sister.
“I'm just tired," Eren mumbled reassuringly to her, before his eyes rolled back and he passed out in her arms.