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Summary:

Complex Sports @ComplexSports
“Good luck.”
Former Montreal Metros Captain Shane Hollander-Rozanov gives an “inspiring” two-word message to his former teammates ahead of the much-anticipated rematch between the Centaurs and the Metros.

-or-

Everyone wants a piece of Shane Hollander. Ilya has something to say about that.

Notes:

This series might be the most fun I've had in a long time. It's a rough world rn. Y'all take care.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Hock-Tea😈 @HockTeaGossip

👀

Video 1:

[A clip taken from the latest episode of the Puck Around and Find Out Podcast:

Cunningham: (shrugging) I mean, it’s rare but not unheard of, no?

Jacobson: (shaking his head vigorously) There’s no world where Shane Hollander even considers an offer from the Metros. No way.

Cunningham: It’s been an unprecedented couple of years. Shane Hollander loves to win, and the Metros are still a legacy team. Truth is, Hollander was able to make magic with them.

Favreau: He does have quite a bit of leverage. He took a pay cut to move to Ottawa. He could probably ask Montreal for the moon, and they’d find a way to give it to him

Jacobson: (scoffing) I just think he already has what he wants. Proximity to his parents. A team he’s had a hand in re-shaping. I mean, he gets to play hockey with his husband for god’s sake; It’s not happening. Hollander’s never given the impression that he could be bought. 

Cunningham: (Waving his hand) Well, either way, there are rumors that Montreal is thinking about making an offer. We’ll have to see what happens.]

 

Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

The generational metros fan in me wants Shane Hollander back like air. The Shane Hollander fan however….

 

Hollander’s #1 Girl @allabout24

Boooooo tomato tomato i’m throwing tomatoes 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

 

hollanov on top @itsashutout46

🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅




Complex Sports @ComplexSports

“Good luck.”

Former Montreal Metros Captain Shane Hollander-Rozanov gives an “inspiring” two-word message to his former teammates ahead of the much anticipated re-match between the Centaurs and the Metros.

Video 1:

[Shane Hollander-Rozanov is seen arriving at the Bell Centre in his gameday suit and sunglasses. He’s scrolling on his phone as he walks.

Reporter: Shane! Shane over here! What do you have to say to your former teammates before tonight?

Hollander: (without looking up from his phone) “Good Luck.”]

 

24♥️35 @allaboutshayden

Oh the wind just shifted fuckkkkkkk

 

Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

…..lemme run and change my bet rq

↳↳caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Who tf is still betting against Hollander???

 

missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Anyone else hear boss music? 😩😩😩

 

 

 

Puck Buzz @puckbuzzgossip

Video 1:

[Announcer: And tonight, we of course welcome back former Captain Shane Hollander

The words “Make Some Noise” flash on the jumbotron before the camera cuts to the bench, where Hollander sits. He looks surprised to be acknowledged and gives the camera (and crowd) an unsure wave. The audience roars.

The camera sweeps over the crowd. Throughout the audience, many fans are wearing “vintage” Hollander Metros jerseys. The camera pans quickly past a sign that says,“We Miss You, Shane.” 

The camera cuts back to the Centaurs’ bench, where a visibly annoyed Ilya Rozanov-Hollander can be seen rolling his eyes. Hollander elbows him.]

 

Free24_NOW @deportRozanov 

He can’t even PRETEND to be happy for Shane

Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly

Girl what is there to be happy about I wouldn’t want my husband around his abusive ex, either 

 

 

Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Oh Shane the birthday fr fr

↳↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

I don’t know what that means and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

↳↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

And look at Theriault’s face all red he the birthday balloon

↳↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

The birthday candle fr

↳↳↳↳Jelly Belly @gearheadbi 

He mad he the birthday bill

↳↳↳↳↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81

Girl what??? What the HELL are yall talking about? 😭

↳↳↳↳↳↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Everyone point and laugh at the millennial. 




 

let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

Aaaaaand they’re fighting

Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

We literally just started what is going onnnnn

↳↳let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

It’s gonna be a long game






Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Roz swinging lorddddd

hollanov on top @itsashutout46

Noooo he was doing so good this season

↳↳No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

Reset the counter boys

↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Its’ been 0 days without Roz in the sin bin




caecilia 🙂@caellysworld

Free my boy he did nothing wrong





missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Maybe if Montreal spent more time with their eyes on the puck than on the centaurs, there MIGHT be a point on the board

Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

This shit is embarassing bruh

↳↳Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

Nah i turned that shit off

↳↳↳Free24_NOW @deportRozanov 

Fuckin up my mood on the TV i pay for tf???





Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

I feel disappointed in this chilis tonight

Ex Montreal Stan @imonlyhereforhollander

Is this how cowboys fans feel holy fuck





Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

THEY LET THE TWINK SCORE AGAIN

Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

Who’s guarding Luca Haas

↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

I think we may need to familiarize ourselves with what a twink is because….

↳↳↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

Just throwing words around





Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

Anya’s twin putting points on the board yup!

Anya’s secret sister @allaboutthepuck

My manifestations are working





Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

And that's the end of the period. Y'all mind if I scream?

Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

No seriously take me out back and shoot me

 

 

 

No It IS That Serious 🏒 @hockeyismylife46

At some point, we’re gonna have to acknowledge that Shane went to see that lady

Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

*Ilya

↳↳Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

Baby, Ilya IS that lady 

Image Insert 1:

[An old photo from Boston of Ilya Rozanov kissing his his cross before a game.]

↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

Yeah i fear a hex has been laid

↳↳↳↳Cents Stan @centsoncentsoncents

You’re all wrong its Yuna





missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

I’m too sober for this 




Suffering Montreal Fan @gometrosgoiguess

They’re letting the rookies play REF DO SOMETHING

ally 🏒 @allywallypally

Girl what are they gonna do? Penalize them for scoring???





Boiziau’s Baby Mama @JJBrescueme

aaaaaaaand they’re fighting 🥴

let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

It’s Troy quick someone play bet on it





Its Metros 4 Lyfe @montrealmetrosfan1996

And hollander scores. Again. 🚬🫩

Shelly 🏒 @gearheadgirl  

Every time hollander scores theriault turns a new shade of red

↳↳Shane Hollander’s left tit @lilylaughsart

Would love to see his blood pressure rn

↳↳↳Ra Ra Rozanov🐻@mrsraiders81 

His heart  is actively fighting to stay alive rn





Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

And the rookies are going “6-7” on the bench 🫩🫩🫩

let my cens fight @censgoaliestan 

We’re watching two very different realities clash in real time

↳↳Dream Girl 🌈@dreamgurlevul

The metros are in Titanic and the Centaurs are in Yo Gabba Gabba bruh

↳↳↳Its Hole-ander actually @hollalujah

😭😭😭😭




Cents and Centsability @goodgollymissmolly 

“Hi, I’m Nick Young, and we're gonna make a bunch of 30-year-old homophobes wanna kill themselves! Welcome to jackass!!”





missing the Holz @metros4hollanov

Meanwhile, the cens rookies are hitting the skubaaa bro this ain't fair





Shilya’s Third @lolaboutjaney

Smooches for Shane. Smooches for Ilya. Smooches for Troy. Double smooches for Luca. And nothing for Montreal! Just as the good lord intended.