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August was scrolling through Twitter as he occasionally did until he saw an article that managed to make him facepalm and audible sigh at the same time.
“Woman ‘Married’ a ragdoll and now has a ‘Baby’ How is that even humanly possible?
He didn't even want to think of the logistics of it or what that would Imply.
Honestly, he just wanted to wipe this article from his memory and go on with his life, but he needed video ideas, and he didn't want to make another video on some clout-hungry cringey tiktoker or, god forbid, Dhar Mann.
Though he was a bit opposed to the idea, he still went with it, and besides, he desperately needed new content after not posting for almost a week.
Now, August wasn't the type to judge people, even though that’s basically what he does for a living now that he really thinks about it–
“But how could someone be in love with a puppet?” August said to himself, still in utter disbelief.
“It’s a literal inanimate object, and no offense– he skimmed through the article a bit more to see what the name of the supposed ‘Wife’ of this uncanny puppet was until he finally found it, Meirivone.
Yeah, No offense, Merivone but a puppet really? He couldn't believe this.
She just had to be looking for fame or attention, but just to see the believability of this story, he kept reading the article; he didn't want to waste his time on obvious bait after all, then he would be the goof in this situation.
“The 37-year-old from Brazil said her mum made her the rag doll named ‘Marcelo’ after she complained about being single and having no one to dance with”
“Aww, what a sweet gesture from her mom, I bet she regrets it though giving that her daughter is now married to a ragdoll or should I say puppet” he jeered while giggling it a bit it was almost comedic how sad this story was but it was mostly just weird and probably satire so he didn't feel that bad for poking a bit of fun at it.
“Little did she realize it would be love at first sight, and after a few months of dating Meirivone she fell ‘pregnant’.“
Okay, once again I don't even want to think about nor explain how this whole ordeal would work even if the article does tell me so the viewers are just going to have to use their imagination for this one.
August was admittedly appalled; he didn't want to even touch the surface of such a taboo topic, plus more importantly he still wanted to be monetized.
“They decided to tie the knot before the newborn arrived in a ceremony that was attended by 250 people.”
“Two hundred and fifty people?” Okay, this was insane at this point. He couldn't believe that that many people would willingly show up to a wedding in which a woman gets married to a puppet.
But this just begs the question, Were all the guests from Merivone’s side or did Marcelo invite anyone?
Once said again, how would that even work? Did Merivone just buy more and make more Ragdolls’ so that Marcelo’s “family and friends” could come to the wedding too?
He didn't know if he was just sleep-deprived or if the thought of a reception where half the people are puppets was extremely funny, but regardless he was caught in an outburst of laughter.
Yep, he was probably just sleep deprived, and he hasn't even written down a script or recorded any audio much less, great.
Did he not start recording?
He checked the time on his phone and saw that it was 1:30 am and he groaned.
It’s already 1:30 and I haven't done anything, I was supposed to make a video by yesterday.
“This is a new low, August ” he sighed to himself. How did his own critics of himself manage to get to him so much?
He thought of just closing out all the tabs on his computer and just going to bed like a normal person would, but he tiredly scrolled through the article a bit more despite finding it incredibly stupid.
"It was a wonderful day for me, very important, very emotional.”
“Wow, I can see why, Merivone I would be emotional if I had to marry a puppet, probably not in the same way you were though.”
August rolled his eyes as a smug smile crept up on his face, he imagined his YouTube sprite in a wedding dress with one teardrop rolling down his face and Marcelo in a black tuxedo still sporting the same creepy uncanny valley pink smile he always made.
After thinking about it for too long, he shuddered and shook his head as a way of getting that horrendous image out of his system.
It was way, way more disturbing than funny now that he thought about it.
"He is a man I always wanted in my life. Married life with him is wonderful."
“Honestly, I have no input on this segment of the article– if marrying a ragdoll makes you happy, well then, you do you.”
August has frankly just given up at this point, he doubts that this is fake now and if it is this was a lot of dedication to something that probably well just be a few seconds worth of clout.
"He doesn't fight with me, he doesn't argue, and he just understands me. Marcelo is a great and faithful husband. He is such a man, and all women envy him.”
“Oh jeez, so it's one of these things. Maybe she’s just lonely, which I mean hey there's dating apps for this type of stuff– Merivone, I mean this in the nicest way possible, you seem like a decent woman I don't think that you should just have to settle for a doll. “
This article wasn't even that long but August felt like he was reading the entirety of Moby Dick in one sitting, he should definitely go to bed.
"It was because I didn't have a forró dancer. I would go to these dances but wouldn't always find a partner. Then he entered into my life and it all made sense.“
Once said again, were there no dating apps at her disposal? Like I promise you, Im not trying to be rude here but I don't see how this puppet could be the solution.
“But as is often the case, marriage isn’t always easy, with the doll-mum-of-one adding: "He has so many great qualities but the only downside is he's lazy. He doesn't work at all. But I am a warrior and I keep it going for us." August laughed, was this lady being serious? Wow, Merivone I wonder why your husband you know, the puppet who can’t walk, talk or do anything for that matter can't get a job its truly a mystery. But good on you for supporting your family, Merivone. I suppose that I can give you points for that. “Meirivone said after Marcelo ‘didn’t use a condo-” Okay, Im going to stop this article right here, I would love to be monetized also, this is just getting weirder and weirder by the second.
Someone please explain how a puppet can get a woman pregnant because correct me if Im wrong, but I dont believe that's possible.
Could you imagine if objects could get people pregnant? That means that they would also have to have functioning umm– Im just going to change the subject while I still can.
August stared at the plush he had of his YouTube sprite–that was well technically himself that was on his set-up and grabbed it.
It was a good size, about sixteen centimeters, and it was exceptionally plush as a plushie should be.
He quickly hugged the stuffed toy, pushing it up against the lower half of his face and his chest.
“Now, this is just sad. Do you really need to play with a stuffed animal when you're twenty!?” He reasoned with himself as he put the plushie back down on his table.
Nope, he doesn’t need that stupid toy.
It’s just some piece of merch that was meant to look nice.
Yep, a very soft, squishable, huggable, and oddly cute display item that he uses for decoration purposes only.
He stared at it for a bit feeling bad for it even though he knew it wasn't sentient.
He rolled his eyes, agitated with his own pointless emotions towards the soft toy as he pushed it between his thighs. The frigidity of the small duck plush in contrast of the heat of his inner thighs made his insides stir up. He knew that he should remove it because it was clearly wrong to be attracted to a stuffed toy, especially when it was made to resemble a youtube sprite of himself.
But it was just so squishy and soft and it just felt so good that he just wanted too—
He mindlessly began to hump his stuffie now more focused on stopping the aching feeling in his crotch then any shame he felt before. After a few seconds of this, he quickly powered off his computer and started to pull down his pants.
Precum was already starting to leak from his cock, with all the editing he constantly has to do there hasn’t been much time to “help him” for lack of a better word.
“I am so, so, sorry for this.” August mumbled to the plush as he pulled his dick out from the crotch part of his underwear and started to push his tip against the center of it.
“Yeah, you feel so good… you're so cute… ”
He puts one hand on each side of the plush, his gaming chair creeking as he starts rutting into it.
“Stupid stuffed animal, you’re just basically a mini version of me.”
August loved how the makeshift cunt he was creating with his hands felt but it could be tighter.
So he squished the stuffed duck even tighter, looking into it’s blank sewed on black eyes as he kept on fucking it.
“Yeah my mini me… you don’t seem to have much complaints about this though.”
His laugh turned into a suprisingly loud moan as he felt his cock twitch around the softness of the plush.
He wonders if he should have cut a hole in it before doing this since he has a few spares anyways but stuffing inside of it probably wouldn’t feel right against his cock & he wouldnt live with himself tomorrow if he went through all that effort to fuck a stuffed animal.
“Just so dumb and cute… I should have thought of this sooner.”
His face flushed pink as he pulled on his plushie’s tie as if he could feel it.
“Oh, Duckie, I can’t hold it anymore… I’m about to cum… it’s like you were made for this, oh my god…”
He whimpered as he came inside the center of the duck and stopped gripping it, causing his cum to drip back onto his lap.
How embarrassing.
“I can go a bit longer.” August thought as he used his own cum to keep jacking himself off, leaving a few more droplets of cum for the ducks beak.
Even though he’d stop cumming he still kept getting off on to the toy until he realized what he was doing and stopped himself.
It was weird enough already but now it was getting even weirder.
“Shit.” He looked at the cum-drenched stuffed animal and then at his reflection on his blank pc monitor.
He tossed the plushie underneath his bed, promising to himself that he would wash it tomorrow when he was less tired.