Archive of Our Own

Lohen’s leg shook the table as it bounced up and down. The Flagship was packed full of people, none of whom were the gray haired captain he was looking for. He was sure that Illuga had received his letter stating he would arrive in Nod Krai today. He made sure it was brief, best not to waste his words when his fists would suffice. 

Lohen would’ve preferred to meet Illuga at Piramida, but apparently the Lightkeeper had been stationed on Lempo Isle for the past two weeks. “For no good reason,” his letters had said, and Lohen had to agree. There was apparently a Wild Hunt flare up on the southern shore, too close to Nasha Town to not send most of the Ratniki to deal with it. 

Through listening to the whispers of other patrons in the tavern, he’s learned that it’s been nearly fully contained, meaning not only should Illuga be here right now, but that he’ll be able to return to Piramida with Lohen. 

If he ever shows up… Lohen sighs. This…this impatience was new to him. He was used to the ever present itch beneath his skin, preventing him from focusing on tasks or sleeping when he hadn’t had a good fight in a while. Before Illuga had shown up in Mondstadt, Lohen had resigned himself to the fate of always being itchy. But then, Illuga had shown up, shy, but hiding something underneath that bulky coat. He fought Lohen, scratching the itch, and then fought Kaeya, going even harder (but probably not even as hard as he could), and the itch came back, even worse. 

But underneath the itch, underneath the buzzing in his muscles, the restless excitement and anticipation of a real fight, there was something else. Lohen didn’t know what to call it, didn’t know how to begin to describe it, but he wanted to satiate it even more than the itch. 

He felt like a hunting dog without a master, stuck chasing his own tail while he waited for birds to fall from the sky. 

“Who left you at the altar, young master Lohen?” A familiar and sultry voice says from next to him. 

Lohen shakes his head. “I’m sure you’re aware of who did, Mr. Flins.”

The Lightkeeper laughs beside him. “Yes, I am aware.”

“Mind telling me where he is?” Lohen says, patience for the older man wearing thin. 

“The infirmary. It’s a few buildings down from this one, you can’t miss it.” Flins sighs. “You young captains have no appreciation for the mysterious.”

Nope, you B-grade creep! 

Lohen didn’t actually dislike Flins, he just didn’t like that Flins would take up all of Varka’s time when they would spend time together. Varka would brush off Lohen’s attempts to spar and somehow Flins could detect and keep Varka out of Lohen’s traps. He was nothing but a problem for Lohen. 

Except for today, I guess.

Lohen doesn’t bother saying goodbye to Flins as he leaves the Flagship. 

If Illuga is hurt again after promising me a spar, Lohen thinks to himself. I don’t think I’ll be able to hold myself back. 

The door with “medical” written haphazardly on a piece of scrap metal led into a large room where Ratniki and treasure hoarders were milling about. Nurses and doctors and volunteers ran between them. Lohen scans the crowd, looking for Illuga. Distantly, he spots him, sitting in a chair as a young nurse looks him over. 

Lohen, calmly, walks over, twisting around the people in the room who dare to get in his way. 

“Captain,” Lohen says once he sees Illuga. He holds his arm in front of his body, fist clenched and palm facing towards the floor. Despite their friendship and different alliances, Illuga does technically outrank him. 

“Vice Captain Lohen,” Illuga nods. “I thought I requested for you to wait at the Flagship.”

“I thought I requested for you to be on time,” Lohen replies, lowering his arm. “Are you hurt?”

Illuga shakes his head. “No, but I still need to get checked over. It’s protocol.”

The Lightkeeper stands and turns to the nurse. “I assume I’m free to go?”

She nods. “Thank you Mr. Lightkeeper for helping us.”

He smiles and hands her a small bag of mora. 

“That wasn’t a lot of mora. Was that your bill?” Lohen whispers when out of earshot. 

“Not really. That hospital is run by the treasure hoarders, so it’s a lot more expensive. The Starshyna handles the payment. That was just a tip for the girl.”

“Wait!” The young nurse calls behind him. She runs towards the two men and tugs on Illuga’s sleeve. Quieter than before, she speaks again, “Mr. Lightkeeper, you forgot your pills.”

Lohen watches as Illuga takes two bottles from the girl, placing them in a pocket on the interior of his jacket. 

“I know I asked if you were injured, but if you’re sick-”

“I’m fine,” Illuga says through his teeth. “Don’t worry about it.”

Lohen doesn’t say anything else about the pills. It’s probably just pain medication. Or maybe allergy meds. He laughs to himself when he pictures the grumpy Lightkeeper next to him sniffly with watery eyes. He’d look even more like a kicked puppy. 

“To Piramida, then?” Lohen asks. 

Illuga sighs and nods. “Yes, finally. I’m so sorry that you had to wait here.”

“It was alright, the Flagship was fun.” Lohen pauses. “I ran into Flins.”

Illuga turns to him, eyes wide. He grimaces, “What did he say?”

Lohen waves his hand. “Nothing of importance. Just told me where you were.”

Illuga sighs for the second time. “Thank the moon goddess. Don’t trust anything Flins says.”

The Vice Captain laughs. When he looks over, he notices that Illuga is just a little bit shorter than him. His hair is messy and filled with sand, actually, most of him is covered in sand. 

Lohen pauses when he realizes he doesn’t just want to make Illuga dirtier with blood and sweat and mud, but wants to clean him up afterward. He’s never felt the want to care for an opponent, beast or brother-in-arms. 

He shoves the sensation deep into his chest where he doesn’t have to think about it.

Illuga yawns next to him. “Let’s pick up the pace so we can get home before it gets too late to bother with sleep.”

“You’re gonna nap instead of fighting me?”

“If you won’t let me fight you when I’m injured then you shouldn’t let me fight you when I’m half asleep.” 

Lohen laughs. He follows Illuga as the other man navigates the twists and turns of the city until they reach the harbor. 

Illuga flags down a captain, handing mora to the woman as she points at a cargo ship. He looks apologetically at Lohen. “That's all they have to Piramida at this time. And it’s probably going to take all night.”

“That’s fine,” Lohen says as he walks to the ship, Illuga trailing behind him. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been cargo.”

Illuga doesn’t laugh. Instead, he climbs into the ship, turning to hold a hand out for Lohen. The Vice Captain takes it, expecting Illuga to act as a steady hand hold. Instead, Illuga pulls Lohen up as if the man weighed nothing. Lohen shoves the realization that he liked that down with his other feelings. 

“C’mere,” Illuga says, leading Lohen into the ship. “I know the best spots here.”

“Oh?” Lohen laughs. “Do you spend a lot of time on cargo ships?”

“Just this one. It runs all night, which makes it the fastest way to get between Nasha town and Piramida.” Illuga takes twists and turns in the hold, finding a gap between two crates. 

“Are you usually looking to travel between them after dark?” Lohen hums as he sits across from Illuga. Because of the small space, the two men have to alternate knees. Lohen ignores how close Illuga’s shin is to his crotch and tries his best to keep his own leg close. 

“Yes,” Illuga replies. 

“Visiting a secret lover in Nasha town?”

Illuga sputters. “Wha- No, I would never- ugh, did Flins tell you to say that?”

Lohen was starting to dislike Flins more and more. “No, just a guess.”

“I- I wouldn’t mess around like that when I’m on duty.” 

“What about when you're off duty?” Lohen presses, mostly wanting to annoy Illuga. He leans his head on Illuga’s knee between his legs. “I’m sure you’re a hit with the ladies.”

“I’m always on duty,” Illuga replies. “That’s part of being a Captain, Vice-Captain.”

Rude. Lohen pinches the inside of Illuga’s thigh. The captain yelps, covering his mouth with a gloved hand. 

“In all seriousness,” Illuga whispers. “I just- I’ve never been interested in that kind of stuff.”

“Me too,” Lohen confesses. “Why would I waste my time in bed when I could be on the battlefield?”

Illuga laughs. “You’re so predictable.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

Illuga looks at him through his hair, sandy and oily from the weeks of patrols. “I like being able to anticipate you.”

Lohen reaches up to brush Illuga’s bangs out of his face. “I’ve been told I’m the opposite of easy to anticipate.”

“Well then they didn’t really know you,” Illuga replies. Lohen’s hand drops, returning to Illuga’s thigh. “Or if they did, they didn’t bother thinking.”

“You’re so right, little birdie,” Lohen laughs. “None of my subordinates can do that. If only you would join my squad.”

“I couldn’t do that,” Illuga says. “Not while the Wild Hunt is still active.”

“But what about after?” Lohen asks. “The Knights always welcome new members.”

“I don’t think I could ever leave Nod Krai unguarded,” Illuga whispers. “Why can’t you join the Lightkeepers?”

“I considered it, but Varka doesn’t want me to be out of his sight.”

“Is this your way of hinting to me that Varka’s also here? Or did you sneak out?”

Lohen laughs. “Neither. Technically, I’m on official business.”

“And what business would that be?” 

Lohen fishes a letter out of his pocket. “For the Starshyna from the Knights. Grand Master Varka wants to set up a joint training camp.”

“I haven’t heard anything about this,” Illuga pouts. 

“That’s because Varka just came up with it. He said it was perfect that I was leaving for Nod Krai, so if anything, you’re the first Lightkeeper to hear about it. Do you have any thoughts?”

“Well, without any specifics-” Illuga yawns. “-I think it would be wise. Camaraderie would be strengthened, along with the respective-” Illuga yawns again. “-combat capabilities of our troops.”

“Someone’s sleepy,” Lohen observes. 

“It’s been a long week.”

“It’s okay to sleep, little birdie. I’ll keep watch.”

Illuga yawns again. “Hold on.” 

Lohen watches as Illuga tries his best to maneuver his body around to be less crumpled like a pretzel. It doesn’t really work. Illuga is just more cramped than before. 

“You can lay in my lap, birdie,” Lohen jokes. 

“Are you sure?” Illuga asks, completely seriously. 

Lohen shrugs, letting the Lightkeeper decide. “It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve fallen asleep on me.”

“That was-” Illuga yawns. “-that was because we were at risk of frostbite.”

“Uh-huh,” Lohen replies as Illuga lays his head in his lap, body laid out on the ground. He’s placed Lohen between himself and the exit to their enclave. 

He trusts me to protect him. 

Before Lohen can tease him for this little fact, Illuga is already asleep, snoring lightly. Lohen starts to comb a hand through Illuga’s hair, acting more on instinct than intent. He’s glad he’s wearing gloves; Illuga’s hair is disgusting. It’s greasy and filled with little grains of sand. Lohen was no stranger to the mess that came after long hours deployed in the wilderness, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. 

He’d still make Illuga fight him before showering though. No use wasting the water when Lohen was going to get him dirty again. 

He was getting excited just thinking of all the things he was going to do to the other man. Maybe he’d knock his legs out from under him, forcing them to grapple for the rest of the fight. Maybe he’d convince Illuga to use his bird. Ooh, or maybe he’d see if Illuga could dodge bullets from his flintlock. 

Well, maybe not that last one, since he couldn’t dodge my icicle.

It made sense that Illuga’s ability to dodge would be poor. The Wild Hunt wasn’t exactly known for their agility. Additionally, large, purple flaming claws were rather easy to spot and avoid compared to lead ammunition. 

Lohen leans back against the cargo. They’d have such a good time tomorrow.

~~~

“I thought you said you would keep watch,” Illuga says as he shakes Lohen awake. “C’mon, we’ve landed at Piramida.”

Lohen blinks the sleep out of his eyes as he crawls out of the enclave. His back pops as he stretches, but when he looks at Illuga, he starts laughing. 

“What’s so funny?” Illuga asks, glaring.

“You didn’t tell me you have a bedhead,” Lohen replied. 

“Hmph, well someone wouldn’t stop playing with it,” Illuga says as he starts walking out of the cargo hold. 

Lohen follows him, relishing the feeling of fresh air after sleeping in the dank cargo hold. He can see his breath in the dawn light. He looks forward, then up. He has to squint to see it around the sunlight, but distantly, Illuga’s hometown makes itself known. It’s an imposing structure built from scrap metal and stone brick. Yet somehow, contrasted with the green sky, Lohen thinks it's beautiful.

“Have you been to Piramida before?” Illuga asks. 

Lohen shakes his head. “No, not yet.”

“We’ll go there after our spar,” The Lightkeeper grabs his wrist. “This way.”

The two men travel through the harbor. Lohen is grateful that it’s so early, otherwise, he’s sure that everyone would be trying to talk to Illuga. The man is popular and well respected, a pillar of his community. 

When they cross the bridge to the larger island, instead of taking them right to the lift, Illuga leads Lohen left to a rye farm. 

“Are we going to fight here? It wouldn’t be wise to destroy the Lightkeepers’ food.”

“Do you think I’m that foolish?” Illuga asks. “Obviously we’re not fighting here. C’mon.”

Illuga walks through the rye, avoiding the new shoots in the ground, leading Lohen to a cliff’s edge. He points, “Down there.”

Lohen looks over the steep ledge. Below them, the grass is yellow-green and the sand is a dark blue. He would never get used to the difference in coloration compared to Mondstadt. He notices that it’s low tide as well. The area is mostly clear, with one large plant, stone formation, or perhaps fungus in the middle. Lohen doesn’t know much about Nod Krai’s wilderness. 

Illuga jumps down, deploying his glider. Lohen follows him. Together, the two men set their packs down by the weird plant-stone-fungus thing. Lohen touches it. He can feel it pulsating, which leaves him with more questions than answers. 

“Any rules?” Lohen asks, preparing for his birdie to disappoint him yet again. His birdie, his birdie, his birdie, he repeats to himself. That’s new. 

Illuga looks up at the sky. “No maiming, no killing. You win when you force the other person to yield?”

Lohen nods. His birdie didn’t disappoint him. “Sounds wonderful. Promise me you won’t hold back?”

Illuga sighs, laughing. “After how mad you got last time, I wouldn’t dare to.”

Lohen smiles. After a split second decision, he decides to put his flintlock down. Illuga walks towards the sand, stopping on a yellow patch of grass. Lohen mirrors him, standing about ten paces away. He summons his polearm, a standard issue Favonius lance. 

Illuga does the same, summoning his own Favonius lance. Lohen distinctly remembers that Varka had mentioned giving the Lightkeepers Favonius weapons. Thus, Lohen brought one of his own, instead of his personal spear. He wanted this to be a true battle of personal strength, he wouldn’t let his weapon interfere. 

The sand is soft beneath his boots. His feet give in the grains, he would have to make sure to stay steady. 

“Ready when you are, birdie,” He calls. 

Illuga glares at him. “I thought I told you not to call me that.”

Lohen shrugs. “If you best me I might stop.”

“Fine. Let’s begin.”

Illuga sends the bird out first. Golden light trails behind it as it aims directly for Lohen’s chest. Luckily, the Knight has plenty of experience dodging gunfire, so dodging the bird is just as easy. He rolls to the side, knowing that the soft sand would cushion his body. Lohen springs up from his crouch, polearm extended forward towards Illuga’s midsection. 

Illuga pivots to the side, smacking it down with his own weapon. Lohen uses this momentum to stick his lance into the ground, using it as a vault to twist his body, sending his heel into Illuga’s gut. 

The Lightkeeper grunts, but doesn’t falter. He grabs Lohen’s ankle and pulls it upward. Lohen’s bottom foot drags, causing him to fall on his back. 

Lohen can’t lose the upper hand this easily. He summons up his cryo elemental energy, sending a bolt of it to Illuga’s shoulder. Before it can make contact, it explodes in golden light, showering ice down onto Lohen. 

“Good job Aedon,” Illuga replies as Lohen jumps at him through the falling shards. 

Illuga swings his lance up, trying to work with Lohen’s momentum to get the man off balance, but it ends up working in Lohen’s favor. 

With Illuga putting most of his weight behind the strike, he’s off balance. Lohen grabs his shoulder, swinging the Lightkeeper around him to the ground. Lohen tries to get on top of him, but Illuga brings his knees up to his chest kicking Lohen back about a meter. 

“Such strong kicks,” Lohen pants. I wonder what else they can do, he thinks, beginning to be distracted by thoughts of Illuga using those same legs to choke him out. He shakes his head. Focus. 

Illuga is back on his feet, charging towards Lohen. Sparks fly when their lances clash. Illuga sweeps from the left, Lohen blocks. Lohen twists, trying to strike downwards. Illuga swings around, preventing the lance from making contact. He brings the weapon up, aiming a jab at Lohen’s chest. Lohen steps back, using his own lance to circle Illuga’s, preventing it from making contact. 

Lohen laughs as the two of them grow tired, letting hits slip through the cracks. Illuga lands a particularly hard hit to his bicep. He grunts, swinging at Illuga’s leg. He wasn’t going to give the other man a second to rest. The metal spike on the side of the blade embedded itself in Illuga’s thigh with little give. Lohen’s heart starts to beat faster as he watches Illuga’s reaction.

The Lightkeeper exhales sharply, dissipating his own polearm to grab Lohen’s. He pulls it from his leg with little difficulty, leaving a spray of blood in his wake, coating the pale yellow flowers on the ground. 

Now without a weapon, Lohen has to resort to his vision. He manifests a replacement spear out of cryo, swinging it in a wide arc over his head. The wind whips around the weapon as Lohen swings it at Illuga.

Unfortunately, metal is much stronger than ice, so the spear cracks in two. Lohen takes advantage of this, dual wielding the shattered pieces like knives. 

Illuga, unsteady because of his injured leg, is forced onto the defensive. He uses Lohen’s polearm to block the ice shards, slowly losing his advantage as Lohen picks up the pace. He can feel his muscles burn with the effort required to hit Illuga. 

He connects with a hit to the face, cutting Illuga’s cheek, then another to the shoulder. He gets too caught up in the euphoria of having landed two hits back-to-back and doesn't realize that Illuga has spun, swinging his, Lohen’s, polearm like a bat. It collides with Lohen’s stomach, causing him to cry out as he curls around the metal with the impact. 

Lohen falls back, dropping the cryo daggers. He dissipates his polearm, not wanting to let Illuga keep it. Illuga doesn’t falter. He jumps on top of Lohen, straddling his hips with his (strong, so strong, please) thighs. 

Adrenaline pumps through Lohen’s body as he realizes he’s about to get exactly what he wants. He prepares his face for the impact of a punch, but it never comes. Illuga has grabbed his wrists, pinning them above his head, but the Lightkeeper hasn’t hit him. He hasn’t even raised his other hand. 

“I haven’t yielded yet,” Lohen pants. “Why are you stopping?”

Illuga looks down at him, pupils blown wide. His chest is heaving. Blood drips from his shoulder and cheek, falling onto Lohen. He resists the urge to lick it away, not even knowing where that urge comes from. Oh Illuga, you’re introducing me to so many new things. 

“I wanted to give you a chance to breathe,” Illuga says. Lohen squirms underneath him, trying to kick the other man off. Even with his hurt leg, Illuga doesn’t budge, his strong legs keep Lohen pinned (please please please put them around my neck Illuga, please I need-). 

Lohen, realizing he’s not going to be able to beat Illuga in a match of pure strength, decides to fight dirty. He spits, aiming it directly at Illuga’s face. 

Illuga freezes when it lands on his cheek. Lohen smiles. Perfect. Before Illuga has the chance to wipe it away, Lohen bucks his hips up, attempting to dislodge the other man. Instead, Illuga rides it out, thighs tensing as he tries to stay balanced. The shock of his failure doesn’t set in before Illuga has punched Lohen in his shoulder-the shoulder that Illuga had broken. 

Lohen tries to cry out as he feels the bone crack again, but Illuga has brought his hand up to Lohen’s throat, cutting off his air supply. 

Cheeky birdie. How am I supposed to yield if I can’t even talk?

The hand on his throat doesn’t tighten, holding him just enough that he can’t talk but can still breathe. They’re short, shallow breaths, but keep Lohen conscious enough that he can watch Illuga. His sight has become fuzzy at the edges, but the center, where Illuga is, is clear as day. 

He watches as Illuga looks down at him angrily, releasing his pinned wrists to wipe the spit and blood from his cheek. Lohen takes his newly freed hands to grasp the arm that's still choking him. Not to resist, but to hold Illuga’s hand there. 

It’s comforting, he discovers. Normally, he wouldn’t think twice about the thought of something around his neck, but here, now, with Illuga’s scarred hand caging him in, he wants nothing more than to stay. 

Oh birdie, you are doing some awful things to me. Lohen had a reputation to maintain. He was supposed to be as free and untamed as the winds from home, like a blizzard. Right now, he feels like breath is being held. Probably because he was being choked out. Yes, yes that has to be it. 

Illuga releases his neck, but doesn't take his hand away fully. Instead, he rests it on Lohen’s chest. 

“I,” he pauses. “I know you didn’t yield, but I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Lohen ignores the pang of disappointment in his chest. “You didn’t want to give me payback for this?”

He brings his hand down to Illuga’s thigh, using his palm to press down on Illuga’s wound. His hand comes back sticky with blood, and this time, Lohen gives in, licking a stripe up it. Illuga’s blood is salty and warm on his tongue. 

Illuga frowns, but doesn’t stop him. Lohen holds up his hand. “Want a taste?”

Expecting Illuga to tell him off or lick his hand, Lohen is fully unprepared when he feels Illuga lean down to kiss him, licking the inside of his mouth. 

“It tastes like blood,” The Lightkeeper says, pulling away. No, no, no, get back here birdie. Illuga stands up, summoning his polearm to act as a cane. “I need to stop letting you hit my legs.”

“Block better,” Lohen replies quietly. The itch is gone, which would be a relief, if the other sensation wasn’t back, stronger than ever. He needed Illuga’s tongue in his mouth, needed to bite his lips and make him bleed. He recalls a story from the library, about creatures who need to drink blood to survive. Maybe he was turning into that, only able to be satiated by drinking from Illuga like a parasite. 

Illuga huffs. “We’re going home. I need to get this patched up and I need a shower.” He looks at Lohen. “You need that too.”

Lohen stands up, wincing when he uses his injured shoulder to help him up. 

“Birdie, I think you’re forgetting something,” Lohen says, pointing at the cliff face, ignoring Illuga’s frown. “Neither of us are going to be able to get up in the state we’re in.”

Illuga rolls his eyes, grabbing Lohen’s arm to make it point at a strange golden flower. “We’re using that.”

The two men walk to it, grabbing their packs on the way. Lohen is cautious of the flower to say the least. It’s hovering over the ground, surrounded in swirling golden energy. He’d seen them before when he came to Nod Krai, but like anything that was strange and couldn’t fight him, he gave a wide berth. He’d learnt his lesson after straying too close to electro crystals and exploding barrels and-

Illuga grabs him and pulls him into the flower. Before he can react, they’re in the air. Illuga is holding him around the waist with one arm, deploying the glider with his other. Once again, Lohen is acutely aware of how strong Illuga is. I need to make him wrestle with me. No weapons, no visions. 

The two float gently eastward over the farm. Lohen tries not to think about the buzzing in his chest. He needed Illuga to hit him again, he needed to make it stop. His mind was scattered, distracted with thoughts of Illuga’s hands around his throat. Illuga was doing horrible things to him. 

The two land close to the base of the lift that takes them up to Piramida. By this point in the day, people have begun to come out of their homes and mill about. Illuga whispers, “Walk on my left side.”

Lohen, without the usual protests or teasing, complies. Oh Illuga was really doing something awful to him. How had the Lightkeeper tamed the Knight’s biggest problem in three days spent with him? So much so that after less than two months of knowing him, Lohen would follow any of his orders without any hesitance? He didn’t even give Varka the same respect. 

But, Lohen reluctantly notices, listening to him has briefly satiated the hunger. Yes, hunger. That’s a good word for it. I’m hungry. 

“Master Illuga,” a lightkeeper says, running up to them. “You’re both hurt. Was it the Wild Hunt?”

“No, no,” Illuga says, shaking his head. “At ease, Levonty.”

“What happened?” The black haired man asks. 

“Nothing,” Lohen replies curtly. 

Illuga sighs. “Don’t worry about it. And don’t mention it to anyone.”

“Understood, sir,” Levonty says, saluting. 

When he’s turned away from them, Lohen wraps his hand around Illuga’s waist. How could that Ratnik think that Illuga wouldn’t be able to handle himself?

Illuga looks down at Lohen’s arm, but doesn’t shrug it off. If anything, he lets it rest there until they get on the lift. Then, he leans on Lohen, taking the weight off his leg. 

Illuga doesn’t say anything when they get off the lift, he just leads Lohen to his home. Unfortunately, a familiar face that Lohen was getting rather tired of seeing was waiting right outside. 

“Hello young masters,” Flins smiles, yellow eyes squinting in the midmorning sun. “I take it you both had a good morning?”

“Ki-”

“Yes, Mr. Flins,” Illuga says sweetly, interrupting Lohen. Lohen didn't like that Illuga was using that tone for him. 

“I’m happy for you both. Oh, young master Illuga, did you get what I suggested?”

Illuga flushes and nods. “Yes, I did. Um, thank you for the recommendation.”

Flins’ smile grows, still not reaching his eyes. “I’m always happy to help strengthen our alliance with the Knights.” The man stands. “Well, I will be off, I’m needed at the cemetery.”

Lohen glares at him as he leaves. “What was he talking about?”

Illuga’s back straightens. “Um. Hah. It’s- It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He pushes open the door to his house and steps inside, dragging Lohen along with him. Because of Illuga’s rather uptight and proper demeanor, Lohen was expecting the house to be spotless and tidy. It was anything but. The small space of the area didn’t help. It had an open floor plan; the kitchen, dining room, and living room had no walls separating them. At least the bedroom was lofted above everything, accessible by ladder, but the ladder was covered in drying sheets. Books and files were stacked up on the dining table, with a small area blocked off for Illuga to eat at. Well, Lohen isn’t very sure of that, since most of the chairs are covered in clothing, stiff from drying inside. 

Lohen pokes at a pair of jeans. “Don’t you have a clothesline outside?”

As Illuga removes them to put them on a different chair, he replies, “It’s been too rainy to use it.”

Illuga sits in the chair, leaning his head back. Lohen just watches as the other man bares his neck, covered in moles and scars. Didn’t those creatures from the books drink the blood of their victims from their neck? Yes, yes they did. That must be why he’s so tempted by Illuga. 

“Can you get me the first aid kit?” Illuga asks. “Cabinet above the sink and to the left.”

Lohen obliges, pulling the box down and handing it to Illuga. When his back was turned, Illuga had taken off his boots and jeans, revealing scarred, muscular legs. The little voice in Lohen’s head begging to be choked is just as loud as before. If Illuga wasn’t sterilizing his needle in preparation, Lohen would’ve begged him then and there to wrestle with him on the floor. 

Lohen looks up at Illuga’s face, watching as he bites the tip of his tongue in concentration. He winces when the needle passes through his flesh, but otherwise doesn’t react. 

“You have a high pain tolerance,” Lohen observes. 

Illuga looks up after he ties the thread, reaching for gauzes. 

“‘Prolonged consumption of acute amounts of Kuuvakhi will increase one’s pain tolerance’,” He quotes. “That’s what Ms. Nicole told me. 

“What?” Lohen asks, staring at Illuga’s leg as he wraps it. 

Illuga laughs, bringing Lohen’s attention back up to his face. The other man is placing a butterfly bandage over the cut. “Do you know the mandragoras?”

Lohen nods, thinking of the cute but harmless little yellow creatures. 

“Well they taste delicious,” Illuga says, placing a gauze pad on his shoulder. “And apparently, increase pain tolerance and injury resistance. According to Ms. Nicole, that is.”

“Interesting,” Lohen says. He wouldn’t want that. 

“What’s that look on your face for?” Illuga asks. 

“Wouldn’t being unable to feel pain be detrimental to your position as Captain?” Lohen asks, tilting his head. 

“I can still feel pain,” Illuga says. “And if anything, it makes me a better Captain. I don’t falter if I’ve been hurt, I can pick up the slack of my subordinates.”

Lohen frowns. “By allowing yourself to remain hurt, your subordinates will end up picking up your slack when you inevitably overexert yourself. Pain is important.”

“Hmph,” Illuga huffs. “We live different lives, Lohen. This is what I have to do.”

Lohen isn’t happy with that answer, but he lets Illuga have the last word. If Illuga allows himself to fall in battle- no, he would never be bested like that.

“Are you hurt?” Illuga asks, turning to Lohen. He grabs one of Lohen’s hands, turning it over to inspect it.

“Mostly bruised,” Lohen shrugs. He tugs lightly on Illuga, using his other hand to grab Illuga’s waist. Illuga goes down easily, straddling Lohen. Lohen begins to lightly kiss Illuga’s neck as the other man leans on him. This close, Lohen can smell Illuga’s sweat, his blood, and the faint scent of ozone. 

Lohen nips at the skin, relishing in the way Illuga gasps. Just because he has better pain tolerance than most doesn’t mean he won’t feel Lohen’s teeth on his throat. 

“I-” Illuga breathes in. “I’m glad it’s just bruises.”

Lohen hums as he continues to kiss and nip Illuga’s throat. He notices that as he gets closer and closer to Illuga’s jaw, the other man gets more and more out of breath. Lohen bites Illuga’s ear as the other man lets out a whine. 

Lohen pulls back to tease the other man, but Illuga grabs his jaw to pull him in for a heated kiss. He barely has a second of reprieve before Illuga’s tongue has darted into his mouth, licking his teeth. 

As Lohen tries to get the upper hand, tries to bite Illuga’s tongue, he feels his hand drift up to his neck. It tightens just a little, letting Lohen know that Illuga has basically collared him with his hand. Lohen groans. 

He leaves one hand on Illuga’s thigh, squeezing it, as the other snakes underneath Illuga’s shirt. He doesn’t get far up until Illuga jumps back like he’d been burnt, pulling away from Lohen. 

“What’s wrong, birdie? Ticklish?”

Illuga looks away as he stands up, turning to pace in front of Lohen. “No, no it’s not that.”

The itch is back. Lohen is getting impatient. He thinks back to when he thought Illuga was going to punch him, then didn’t. This was worse, this was so much worse. 

“I just-” Illuga doesn’t make eye contact. “I just don’t want you to take my shirt off. Or try to touch me underneath it. Or-” 

Lohen stands, walking towards Illuga quickly. The other man backs up until his back is pressed up against the wall. 

“Are you hiding something from me, birdie?” Lohen asks angrily, already picturing someone else’s hands on Illuga, someone else’s weapon hurting him, someone else getting to see the side of Illuga that Lohen wanted to keep for himself. 

“Yes- no- I just-” Illuga sputters as Lohen cages him. Oh no no no, Lohen was not going to let his birdie keep secrets. He grips the hem of Illuga’s shirt, attempting to pull the cloth over his birdie. 

Illuga’s eyes go wide with panic, looking like a caged animal. Quickly, he flips the two of them, one arm pressing on the back of Lohen’s neck, the other twisting his arm behind him. He pushes Lohen against the wall, pulling his arm upward. Lohen whines. 

“Do not do that,” Illuga whisper-yells in his ear. “What the fuck did I just tell you?”

As Lohen pushes back against Illuga, he realizes three things: One, he likes it when Illuga pins him to the wall. Two, the ever-present new itch isn’t because he just wants to fight Illuga, but because he also wants to fuck Illuga. Three, Illuga does not feel the same. 

Lohen grinds his ass back against Illuga, extremely disappointed that he can’t feel Illuga getting hard against him. He groans as Illuga pushes him more, pressing against him. 

“What are you doing?” Illuga pants from behind him. 

Lohen stomps on his foot, hard, causing Illuga to stumble back. He turns. The two men look at each other, silent, eyes wide, breathing like both had just run up and down Dragonspine. 

“Lohen, what is wrong with you?” Illuga asks at the same time as Lohen asks “Why aren’t you getting hard for me?”

Illuga freezes. He looks like a wolf caught in a trap, dangerous not because it’s a wolf, but dangerous because it’s scared. 

Lohen backtracks, knowing that he’s made a mistake. “Illuga, don’t tell me I’ve been reading this wrong. The kissing, the letters, the-”

Illuga interrupts him. “You haven’t been reading it wrong. I- I do want to continue.”

The Knight relaxes his posture. The last thing a trapped animal needs to see is a hunter ready to pounce. He stays silent, lets Illuga talk. 

“I want you this way,” Illuga whispers as he sits back against the chair. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing either,” Lohen admits. Until Illuga, he really had no desire for carnal pleasures, but now with Illuga, he wants to have everything to do with Illuga’s body, both on the battlefield and in bed. 

Illuga sighs, some, but not all, of the tension leaving his body. “I’m sorry, Lohen.” 

Lohen walks slowly towards Illuga, toward his birdie. “What for?”

Illuga pulls his shirt off, revealing-

“An undershirt? That’s your big secret?” Lohen asks, puzzled. He looks at the undershirt. It’s a black tanktop, cropped right over his midsection. Lohen’s eyes widen as he realizes what it is. He smacks himself internally. He should’ve recognized it sooner. 

“Lohen,” Illuga says, looking at him. “Lohen it’s a binder.”

Lohen slowly walks forward, kneeling in front of Illuga, between his legs. He leans against one, placing his cheek on Illuga’s knee. 

“I’m sorry birdie, I should’ve known.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Illuga says, looking down at him. “I’m sorry if it’s disappointing.”

Lohen frowns. He could never be disappointed by Illuga’s body, the same body that would beat him and pin him to the wall and punch him and kick him and-

Illuga looks like he’s about to cry. Lohen reaches up to Illuga’s face. “Birdie, I could never feel that way about you.”

“But it’s not- I’m not-” Illuga chokes out. 

Lohen stands abruptly, removing his shirt in one motion. Illuga just stares at him. “Is this your way of showing off what I don’t have?”

Lohen cocks his head to the side. He straddles Illuga, pulling his hand up to the scars beneath his own pectorals. “Birdie, I thought you saw these already.”

Illuga looks up at him. “Lohen, I really don’t understand.” 

“I’m like you,” Lohen says as he leans forward, placing his head on Illuga’s shoulder. “Born in a body I’ve had to mold to be what I want.”

“Oh,” Illuga whispers, running his fingertips up and down Lohen’s scars. “I didn’t realize that’s what these were from. I assumed maybe a battle or something.”

Lohen laughs against his neck. “No birdie.”

“How long?”

“Two years since I had it done, had to go to Liyue for it,” Lohen says. “But I’ve been on my masculinizing medication for four.”

Illuga nods. “Five for me. I haven’t had time for top surgery though, even if we have the doctors here to do it. Two months is a long time to wait when the Wild Hunt is active.”

Lohen nods. His birdie was so honorable, caring for his homeland over his own body.

“Oh,” Illuga says, looking down at Lohen’s head. He grabs a bottle of pills from his bag, shaking them. “I guess I didn’t need these.”

Lohen watches as the Lightkeeper puts down the bottle in his hand. “These?”

Illuga, despite being rather red already, flushes further. He looks away from Lohen, scratching the back of his neck. “They’re- um- temporary infertility pills. I had to import them from Liyue. Apparently they use dendro and pyro energy to prevent fertilization.”

“Aw birdie, were you scared I was gonna get you pregnant?”

Illuga glares at him. “Obviously.”

“Would that be so bad?”

The lightkeeper looks downright disgusted. If Lohen wasn’t acutely aware of how tightly Illuga was gripping his waist, he’d be sure the other man would kick him out. Lohen kisses him on the neck in a silent apology. 

“We could still try,” he hums. “C’mon birdie, let me try to fuck a baby into you.”

“You- I- we- that’s, that’s not how that works,” Illuga sputters, looking away. “You know that.”

“Maybe someday we can get a prosthetic and you can let me fuck you like that, hm?” Lohen asks as he nips at Illuga’s earlobe. Illuga whines, and Lohen pulls away to look at him.

The lightkeeper nods silently, and Lohen makes a mental note to see if any stores in Nasha town sell sex toys. His birdie would look so cute with his tummy bulging from Lohen’s cock. Or maybe Lohen would make Illuga wear it, riding him until he saw stars. He’d have to try to find a model that would let both of them feel it. He wants to take care of his birdie, doesn’t want to leave his birdie feeling nothing. 

His mind races with images of Illuga underneath him, of Illuga on top of him, of Illuga with him. Illuga in one hundred different positions, crying with pleasure, screaming, moaning, all because of Lohen. 

He kisses Illuga, open mouthed and hungry. Illuga licks into his mouth tentatively, still nervous from their conversation. 

Lohen’s never done this before, never been with anyone like this. Hell, he’s barely read the adult magazines and novelles that the other Knights pass around the campfire. Despite that, Lohen thinks he knows what he’s doing. 

As he kisses Illuga, he starts to grind on the other man, his cock getting hard in his pants. He groans when the sensitive head rubs up against his underwear. He needs to get his pants off, he needs to get Illuga’s pants off. 

“Illuga,” he whispers between kisses. “Illuga.”

“Hm? What is it?”

“Pants off, now,” Lohen whines. He gets off of Illuga, turning as he removes his pants and boxers. The cool air of the house feels twice as cold against the wetness between his thighs. He turns to look at Illuga sitting in the chair, but is taken aback when he realizes that the other man has stood, embracing him from behind. Now, with no boxers and pants between them, Lohen can feel the tip of Illuga’s dick pressing up against him. 

He turns to kiss Illuga, noticing, now that they aren’t wearing shoes, Illuga has to lean up to reach his mouth. Lohen keeps kissing him, turning them as he does so until he’s sitting in the chair with Illuga in his lap. 

“Lohen,” Illuga whispers against Lohen’s mouth. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I-”

Lohen can feel Illuga start to get agitated again, body tensing. He also has no clue what he’s doing, but Illuga is trusting him with this. His birdie, such a strong and independent Lightkeeper, who hates being dependent on anyone wants Lohen to take care of him. Lohen cannot fail him now. “Just do what I say, okay birdie?”

Illuga nods against Lohen’s mouth. “I can do that.”

Lohen keeps kissing him, letting Illuga get comfortable. He needs to make sure this is good for his birdie. Illuga worked so hard to give him the fight that he wanted, Lohen couldn’t disappoint him now. 

He pulls away from Illuga, smiling when he hears the other man whine against his mouth. Lohen needs to start small, needs to prove to Illuga that he can take care of him. “Birdie, do you want to kneel on the ground for me?”

“Yes, I can do that,” Illuga says, breathlessly. He climbs off Lohen’s lap, leaving a damp spot on his thighs where he was sitting. Lohen resists the urge to lick it up. 

Lohen scoots to the edge of the chair, aligning his cock with Illuga’s face. He reaches down, spreading his folds to reveal his hard cock. “Look how worked up you got me. You did this to me Illuga. Are you going to take care of it? Finish the job?”

“I don’t-”

Lohen cradles Illuga’s chin with his hand. “It’s okay birdie, just do what I say.” 

Illuga nods. Shit. I don’t know what to say. 

Somehow, Illuga understands that Lohen is just as lost. He speaks, filling the silence as he runs his hands up and down Lohen’s thighs. “You have such a pretty cock, Lohen.”

Illuga looks up at him, eyes wide. His pupils are blown, leaving two thin rings of sky blue and blood red. 

“Go ahead,” Lohen says, suddenly out of breath. “Kiss it.”

Illuga leans forward, gently pressing a kiss to the head of Lohen’s cock. He shivers with the stimulation, fist clenching when Illuga begins to lick him. 

He watches as Illuga closes his eyes, kissing and licking at him. Illuga is so gently, Lohen can barely feel anything. He places a hand over one of Illuga’s own, using it to indirectly squeeze his thigh. 

Lohen wraps his legs around Illuga, crossing them behind the small of his back. With the new pressure surrounding him, Illuga hums in pleasure. 

Lohen sucks in a gasp. “Th-that. Illuga do that again.”

Illuga looks up at him through fluttering lashes, now humming as he sucks Lohen’s cock. He picks up the pace, bobbing his head up and down the length. Despite his masculinization hormone making him rather well endowed comparatively, Lohen is still small enough that Illuga can’t pull away from him. 

Lohen scoots fathers forward, his ass now barely on the edge of the chair. Illuga gasps as his mouth is filled with cock and his nose is pressed up against Lohen’s bush. 

Illuga moans at the stimulation and Lohen feels himself get closer and closer to something. He feels the same way when he has his subordinates fire bullets at him. Time slows as he watches it approach, curious if it will hit him or the target, or if it will miss entirely. 

He’s pulled from his musing when Illuga wraps his arms around his waist. One hand grips his ass, fingernails digging into the flesh. Lohen cries out as Illuga speeds up the licking and the sucking, moaning around his cock. 

“Birdie,” Lohen gasps. “Birdie you’re doing so good, you’re making me feel so good. Fuck, fuck.”

Illuga, eyes still on Lohen, moans, and Lohen knows that it wasn’t because he was told. Illuga liked that. 

“Good birdie,” Lohen whispers as he cards his fingers through Illuga’s hair. “You’re doing such a good job taking care of me.”

Lohen uncrosses his legs from behind Illuga, but keeps squeezing him, pressing his knees into Illuga’s shoulders. He hopes that Illuga understands the action, the confirmation that other man can comply and keep sucking him off until completion, but Illuga pulls away. 

Lohen wants to get mad, wants to force Illuga to keep going, but when he looks at Illuga, any anger dissipates. The other man is looking at him like Lohen could hang the stars in the sky. His cheeks are rosy, but his torso and neck are covered in deep purple bruises. His mouth hangs open as he catches his breath. 

“I-” Illuga pants. “I needed to breathe.”

Lohen leans down, pressing a kiss to Illuga’s forehead. “It’s okay birdie. You were doing so well.”

Illuga blushes and turns to the side, hiding his face in Lohen’s knee. He mumbles something against Lohen’s knee. Lohen tilts his head to the side, gently prodding at Illuga’s bandaged thigh. “What was that?”

“Can I…” Illuga trails off, still avoiding eye contact. “Can I take care of myself while I do this?”

Lohen looks down at Illuga, blinking. The thought of his pretty birdie pleasuring himself as he takes Lohen in his mouth nearly makes him finish there. Lohen uses his heel to pull Illuga’s thighs apart. “As long as I can see it, okay birdie? I want to watch you stroke yourself for me.”

Illuga’s blush spreads farther down his chest, reaching his freckled and scarred shoulders. “I can do that.”

“Good birdie,” Lohen replies before he can stop himself. Illuga begins to kiss up his thigh, moving towards his still hard cock. It seems that he got over his dislike of the pet name. 

He doesn’t even think about himself as he watches Illuga take his cock in one hand, rubbing up and down the shaft. He’s bigger than me, Lohen realizes. I want him inside.

No, that has to wait, he thinks as Illuga starts to lick his shaft, swirling his tongue around the sensitive head. Lohen’s hips buck, but Illuga uses his free hand to hold them down. He buries his face in Lohen’s crotch, hair brushing up against his face. 

Lohen tries his best to focus on the sight of his birdie pleasuring himself, but the feeling of Illuga’s mouth on his cock fully distracts him. He gasps as Illuga picks up the pace, licking him and kissing him and sucking him. “Illuga.”

He shakes as he comes, held down by Illuga’s strong arm. Illuga’s mouth doesn’t leave him, but it does slow down. Instead, his hand picks up the pace, speeding up until Illuga is coming in front of him. As he whimpers into Lohen’s crotch, Lohen thinks he’s going to come again. 

Illuga finishes, panting and turning his face into Lohen’s knee again. Lohen leans down, whispering to him. “No birdie, c’mere.”

Illuga climbs into his lap, still hiding his face in Lohen’s neck. Fine, I’ll give you that, birdie, for being so good for me. 

Lohen runs his hands up and down Illuga’s back, whispering sweet nothings to him. “That was so good birdie, I loved watching you take care of yourself, I-”

Lohen pauses when he realizes that his neck is damp. He grabs Illuga’s shoulders, pulling the other man to face him. 

Illuga is crying. His bottom lip wobbles as tears fall from his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” Lohen asks, surprised at the amount of care he feels for the other man. 

Illuga shakes his head, laughing lightly. “Nothing’s wrong. I just- Thank you, Lohen.”

“What for, birdie?”

The lightkeeper leans forward again, resting his head on Lohen’s shoulder. This time, he does not hide his face. “That was- I didn’t think I would ever do this, let alone like this.”

Lohen is still confused. 

“You just,” Illuga sighs. “This was good. We should do it again.”

Lohen laughs. “Obviously, my birdie. But not right now, you need a shower.”

“I think we both do,” Illuga says as he kisses the underside of Lohen’s jaw. He stands, stretching. Lohen follows suit, bending down to touch his toes and back up to crack his back. He shakes out his leg, pouting. 

“What is it?” Illuga asks as he collects their clothes to dump in a pile of what Lohen assumes is other dirty laundry. 

“I can still walk,” He says, kissing Illuga’s back. “Don’t you think we should rectify that?”

“Wha-” Illuga sputters, spinning around. “Not right now! Next time!”

Lohen laughs, following the other man into the bathroom. Illuga turns on the water, turning to Lohen as he waits for it to heat up. He pulls his binder off, placing the black cloth on the edge of the sink. Lohen runs his hands up and down Illuga, pausing when he notices the scar that stretches from his neck and across his pectoral, ending underneath his armpit. 

“I didn’t realize it was this big. What did this to you?” Lohen asks.

“The Wild Hunt, like most of them,” Illuga replies. Lohen hums, kissing the scar.

Soft kisses are exchanged as the bathroom slowly fills with steam. Illuga breaks away to step in the shower, pulling Lohen in after him. He forces Lohen to sit on the stool in the middle of the tiling. 

“What’s this for?” Lohen asks, completely unfamiliar with the concept of a stool in a shower. 

“If I get injured it's easier to sit and shower,” Illuga replies. 

“Injured like this?” Lohen asks as he squeezes Illuga’s thigh, pokes and prods at his bruises, and runs a hand over the cut on his cheek. Lohen stands up. “You should sit birdie, let me take care of you.”

Illuga tries to protest, but Lohen just squeezes his thigh again. “Fine.”

Lohen grabs Illuga’s soaps and shampoo and gets to cleaning the other man, massaging his skin (and making sure to spend extra time pressing down on Illuga’s bruises.

He takes care of himself quickly, wanting to get the two of them into a bed. Illuga hands him a towel and the two of them finish up quickly in the shower. The lightkeeper barely speaks as he drags Lohen up the ladder and to his bed. 

“We should nap,” Illuga says when Lohen looks at him expectantly. “And then I want food after we wake up.”

“I think I want a taste of you,” Lohen says as he crawls on top of Illuga, collapsing on the other man. 

“You!” Illuga says, poking at his cheek. “I have responsibilities that need to get done.”

“Hm, like me.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Lohen sighs. “When won’t you have responsibilities? There’s only so much time I can spend in Nod Krai.”

Illuga lays his head back. “I have some reports to deliver to Nasha town tomorrow. You can come with, if you want, and then we can come back here.”

Lohen nods as he traces circles around Illuga’s freckles and scars. “I guess I can do that.”

Wait, he realizes, I have something I want to try to find in Nasha town.

He smiles as Illuga pulls the blanket over them. The itch under his skin is gone, for now. He knows it will come back, ever present as the tides of the ocean, stronger than ever. But now, Lohen has found a way to satiate it. He cannot let his birdie have anyone else like this, because Lohen knows he will never need anyone else. 

As sleep claims him, Lohen realizes that he is not just joyous, but happy. Illuga has made him happy.