Chapter Text
Skip. Skip. Skip.
Eric sighed. There was a serious lack of normal people on this site. Most of the time he was greeted by either a black screen, or some old dude hoping to find a naïve young girl to perv on, and when he did come across a seemingly regular person, they'd skip him for reasons Eric was still trying to figure out. He didn't know why he even bothered. Well, he did know; he was isolated enough to spend every evening on an online chat service hoping to find a real connection.
Eric wasn't popular at his last school, or any school he had attended for that matter, he was the furthest thing from it, that's where his loneliness really stemmed from. It's not as if he wanted to be popular, the thought of that made him feel sick, he just wanted people to see him. In all honesty, he despised school, the people, the teachers, the classes, he hated every second of it. He hated the way everyone looked down on him, like he was some subhuman creature undeserving and devoid of human emotion. He especially loathed the way everyone refused to acknowledge him, walking straight past him as though he was invisible. The one thing that brought him a semblance of joy was the fantasy of bringing his guns into some school and giving it exactly what it deserved. Payback for isolating him, for never including him. But he could admit to himself that he was too much of a coward to actually do it (alone, at least). That's what led him to sitting at his desk every night on his computer cycling through the other lonesome inhabitants of the internet.
To make matters worse, Eric had just moved states again, fucking Colorado. He was dreading starting a new school next month. He grew up moving from state to state, but it didn't ever get easier, the kids at the next school never treated him any better than the kids at the last school. He had to prepare for the worst.
Old man. Black screen. Black screen. Gaggle of little girls. Black screen.
Fuck it, Eric thought. He entered 'guns' into the interests section. Whenever he'd enter any of his interests the site became barren, it seemed as though not a single person on earth had any common ground with Eric. But he still tried, he still hoped he could find someone.
After waiting for what felt like an entire lifetime, Eric's screen finally lit up with a normal-ish person who didn't instantly skip him. He was immediately intrigued.
The guy had no shirt on which Eric had learnt was always a bad sign, but he looked to be around his age unlike the usual offenders. He'd give him a chance to prove he wasn't a degenerate. The stranger's camera was quite high up, giving Eric a good view of him and his room. The guy was pretty skinny, with pale white skin stretched over his bones, and rather long hair for a man. Here goes nothing.
You: Hi
Eric watched as the guy began typing. All of a sudden he felt quite self conscious. He was wearing his cap backwards and his stupid sunglasses, who wears sunglasses inside? Eric had always been insecure, but it was especially apparent when he was around people he'd like the approval of, which was idiotic considering he had known this guy for about five seconds. Eric's insecurity was never something he'd disclose to anyone, if anything he tried hide his self-loathing behind a façade. To those around him, he was just a normal moody kid. Nobody was aware of what laid beneath his skin.
Stranger: Hi how are you
You: Good
You: How are you? Whats your name?
The man’s fingers moved quickly.
Vodka: Im good. You can call me Vodka
Vodka: What can i call you?
Eric liked that name. He took a second to think, he probably shouldn't give Vodka his real name, not yet anyway. Eric always tried to be careful as to not get ahead of himself, caught up in fantasies of potential friendship.
Reb: You can call me reb
Vodka: OK Reb. Do you have a mic?
Eric glanced at his flimsy microphone. He was way too insecure to ever use it, not that he would admit that. And anyway, Vodka was the first normal person he'd come across in a few days, he couldn't risk messing up the opportunity of a genuine conversation by saying something thoughtless and stupid, or having an embarrassing voice crack.
Reb: No sorry
Vodka: Thats fine
Reb: Do you?
Eric hoped so. Hearing voices other than his families', and the grating voices of his passing classmates, made him feel like he wasn’t perpetually stuck in a downward spiral heading straight towards his brain matter being splattered across a wall. It reminded him that connection, although rare, was possible, though he often doubted it was feasible for him.
Vodka: Yes
Vodka: But i wont use mine since you dont have one
Vodka: Equality ;)
Eric’s eyebrows furrowed, but he didn't protest. He imagined immediate whining would be awfully off putting.
Reb: So you like guns?
A small, almost shy, grin crept across Vodka’s face. Eric enjoyed being able to see the face of the strangers he spoke to online as it made them slightly easier to read, which is something Eric had always struggled with.
Vodka: Hell yeah. I have two
"Fuck," Eric muttered aloud. He didn’t expect that. He felt like he'd finally met his match.
Vodka: Do you have any?
Eric's face twisted into that same bashful grin Vodka had just presented.
Reb: Yes i do
Eric then leant closer to his computer, he was eager to find out more about Vodka’s guns.
Reb: What ones do you have?
Vodka hesitated before he stood up, head moving out of frame. He looked tall. He reached over his desk and revealed two guns. Vodka bit his lip, looking nervous, Eric wondered if he had them legally.
Vodka: Got a tec-9 and a stevens 311
Vodka then, to Eric’s surprise, pointed the tec-9 up to the camera, inaudibly making 'pow' noises. Eric had to stifle his laugh. This guy was surprisingly cool. He didn't have particularly high expectations for anyone on this site, so this was a pleasant surprise.
Reb: Dude. Cool. How did you get them? Are you 18?
Vodka placed the gun down and got back to typing.
Vodka: Thanks. I got them through friends. Im 17
So he did have them illegally. Eric approved of that. He was relieved to hear Vodka was the same age as him. Most of the people he’d spoken to on here were either way older or way younger, making it difficult to hit it off. He was sure he’d get along better with someone closer in age, as long as they weren’t anything like the kids at school.
Reb: Nice. Im 17 too
Vodka: Cool
Vodka: So what guns do you have?
Reb: A hi point carbine and a springfield 67
Reb: Id show you but i dont wanna risk my parents seeing
Eric could not afford to be caught with those guns, especially after his dad found a pipe bomb of his, even it would disappoint Vodka and make him sound like a coward. His dad wasn't particularly concerned over the homemade bomb, but Eric figured having a gun illegally wouldn't be as trivial.
Vodka: Thats too bad
Vodka: Cool guns though
Vodka returned his guns to their original place.
Eric wondered what someone like Vodka, who seemed relatively sociable, was doing on a site like this, full of a bunch of pathetic solitaries such as himself.
Reb: So what are you doing on here?
Vodka's face twisted in thought for a second, almost like he was asking himself that same question, unable to locate the answer.
Vodka: Dont know, just bored.
Vodka: Why are you on here?
Eric debated whether he should be honest, 'I have no friends and I hate my life so I spend all of my time on my computer,' or lie, 'I'm just bored too.' He settled for the latter. He wasn’t going to humiliate himself in the name of truthfulness.
Reb: Just bored too.
Suddenly Vodka's head snapped towards, presumably his door, and he began to type while speaking inaudibly to someone.
Vodka: Sorry ive got to go
Fuck. Eric’s heart sunk, this was it. Vodka was going to leave and never speak to him again, there was no potential friendship here, there never has been. He wasn't sure why he let himself get his hopes up.
Vodka: Same time tomorrow ill be here under the same interest, see you there maybe?
Eric’s eyebrows shot up. Huh, he spoke too soon. Same time tomorrow. Eric wont hold him to that, but he already knew he'd be there tomorrow, waiting for Vodka. Eric rushed to reply.
Reb: OK see you there maybe
Vodka: Nice talking to you
Black. Vodka disconnected before Eric could reply. Back to reality.
Eric switched off his computer and migrated to his bed. He laid staring at his ceiling, unsure what to think of his newfound friend, if he could even call him that. In the past he had stumbled upon a handful of strangers that he'd made decent conversation with, but in the end they'd always disconnect with no promise of talking again. This time it felt different, Vodka felt different. If they shared the interest of guns they definitely had other things in common, maybe music taste, video game taste, hatred for humanity, life. God, Eric wished. He hated to admit it, but he was hopeful for the first time in a very long time. It was humiliating to place so much belief in a fleeting interaction, but how could he not? He wondered what Vodka thought of him. He wondered a lot about Vodka; where did he live? What was his real name? Did he have a girlfriend? (Not that that was important).
Eric could've continued searching for people late into the night, but he didn't bother. He went to sleep early that night, wishing that tomorrow would come quicker.
-
The 'same time tomorrow' finally came. Eric was absently staring at his computer, waiting. He triple checked he was under the 'guns' interest, but it was all in vain. Vodka never showed. Eric waited upwards of two hours for him. What an asshole. He knew it was too good to be true, who would ever actually want to talk to Eric again? Things like this only made Eric's distain for people grow stronger.
He knew he shouldn't have trusted Vodka. He shouldn't trust anyone.
-
The day after that great disappointment, Eric found himself, once again, spending his afternoon skipping through dozens of people.
Old man. Black screen. Black screen. Old man.
Eric was used to this, but it wasn't any less irritating the more it happened. Eric had been, involuntarily, thinking about Vodka all day, but he hadn't given into the urge to check if there was anyone under the 'guns' interest. He was scared he'd be disappointed. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him, right?
Eric typed 'guns' into the interests section.
As soon as he pressed the enter key, behold, Vodka graced his screen. He had a shirt on this time. Eric was stunned, was Vodka really there waiting for him?
Vodkas eyes lit up and he immediately began to type furiously.
Vodka: Hey reb
Vodka: Im sorry I wasnt there yesterday
Vodka: I got caught up with something :/
Vodka: I hope you didnt wait for long
Eric exhaled. He had waited for a while, but he wouldn't admit that. He was pretty pissed off, and was lacking in trust, but him complaining wouldn’t do either of them any good. Vodka seemed pretty sincere anyway.
Reb: Hey V
Eric didn’t really mean to call him ‘V’, he did it without second thought. He hoped Vodka didn’t mind.
Reb: Thats fine I didnt wait for that long
Vodka: How are you?
Reb: Good what about you
Vodka ran his hand through his hair. Eric was concerned, Vodka looked troubled. Eric knew that look all too well.
Vodka: Eh
Vodka: School fuckin sucks
Eric let out a small laugh. That might have been the most relatable thing anyone had ever said to him.
Reb: That it does
Reb: What happened?
Vodka leaned back and rubbed his face with his hands.
Vodka: Nothing
Vodka: Some people are just assholes
Vodka: How is school for you?
Eric hesitated. He could almost hear the mocking laughs of his classmates, feel the bump of shoulders as jocks barged past him, see the glares, taste taste the blood in his mouth from nervously chewing at his cheek. There wasn't a single word in the English dictionary that could encapsulate that feeling, so he settled for the best his mind could conjure up.
Reb: Shit
Reb: Ive moved a lot so
Reb: Ive been to lots of em
Reb: And they all suck
Reb: I moved recently so im starting a new one next month
Reb: Its gonna be hell I already know it
Eric picked at his nails, wondering if he was oversharing. He just doesn't get the opportunity to complain about this shit very often. Everyone would just tell him to suck it up, after all, these were the best years of his life after all! It was refreshing to find someone who shared a similar hatred for school.
Vodka: That must be shit
Vodka: Where did you move to?
Eric knew he probably shouldn't tell people on the internet where he lived, but what harm could it really do? Vodka probably lived on the other side of the country. Maybe he was Canadian.
Reb: Colorado
Vodka's face twisted into something completely unreadable to Eric, he looked fucking anxious. He slowly began to type.
Vodka: Im in Colorado too
Vodka: wtf
Eric's jaw dropped slightly. There was no way. He didn't believe him. He was making fun of him, baiting him. Regardless, even if, by some miracle, he was being sincere, he probably lived hours away knowing Eric's luck.
Reb: Nah
Reb: Youre joking
Vodka shook his head and begun typing again.
Vodka: No I swear
Vodka: Im in Littleton
Eric froze. His fingers moved involuntarily across his keyboard.
Reb: What the fuck me too
Eric sharply inhaled, instantly regretting revealing that fact. What if their proximity turned Vodka away? What if he didn't want to be anywhere near Eric?
Vodka: Dude
Vodka: Thats so cool
Vodka: Ive never met someone on here who lives so close
Vodka: How are you liking it here?
Eric felt the tension leave his body. Vodka still wanted to talk to him, thank fuck.
Reb: I mean it’s ok
Reb: Not been here for that long so
Reb: Do you like living here?
Vodka: Its shit but it could be worse I guess
That didn’t sound particularly promising to Eric. He wasn’t stupid, he knew Colorado wouldn’t be a paradise, but he’d hoped it would’ve been better than other states he’d lived in, although Vodka disliking it piqued his interest.
Reb: Man i cant believe you live here too
Reb: So you go to columbine?
Eric could see Vodka's face falter.
Vodka: Yeah
Vodka: Fuckin hate that place
Vodka's eyebrows furrowed in thought, as though he was connecting the dots in his mind.
Vodka: Wait
Vodka: Does that mean youre gonna go to columbine too?
Reb: Yeah
Eric watched as Vodka let out a sign of sudden realisation, unable to read the meaning beneath it.
Vodka: When do you start?
Reb: Next month
Reb: So like 20 days
Eric anxiously bit his lip, he wondered if Vodka would want to see him.
Vodka: I wonder if we'll see each other
Vodka: That would be cool
That answers that. Eric was beyond relieved to hear that. A weight was lifted off his shoulders knowing he'd know someone at his new school for a change. He usually felt like a lost puppy on his first day, misplaced and disoriented, but with an ally he felt brave. Perhaps his luck was turning around.
Reb: Yeah it would be
Eric nibbled on the skin of his lip, debating whether or not asking for Vodka's number was too far too soon. The worst he could say was no, he supposed.
Reb: Maybe we should exchange numbers?
Reb: For school and stuff
Eric added that to soften the deal.
Vodka: Yeah sure
Vodka sent his number in the chat and Eric promptly pulled out his phone and entered the digits, sending a text so Vodka had his number.
Vodka: Got your message :)
Reb: Sweet
Considering they lived in the same place, were going to go to the same school, and now had each others number, Eric thought it was appropriate to ask for Vodka's name.
Reb: Can i ask what your real name is?
Reb: To put in my contacts
Vodka: Its Dylan
Vodka: And yours?
Reb: Eric
Vodka: Nice :)
Eric and Dylan spent the better part of the next hour chatting. They found that they had very similar taste in music and games. Dylan flaunted his KMFDM shirt, Eric showed off his Rammstein shirt, they compared their consoles, CDs and records. They joked with each other, complained about school, briefly discussed girls. Eric's cheeks were sore from how much he'd smiled. He got used to Dylan's company incredibly quickly, they bonded faster than Eric ever thought was possible.
Eric watched as Dylan let out a long, resigned sigh.
Vodka: Alright ive got to go
Vodka: Dinner
Vodka: But i will text you later?
Reb: Sounds good
Reb: See you later
Dylan smiled and gave Eric a small wave. Back to black. He felt empty.
Eric stretched his arms in front of him. Fuck, what were the chances of this happening? It felt like a bizarre combination of fate and pure luck. Eric no longer had the urge to skip through countless strangers online, he'd found 'the one'. He kept eyeing his phone, waiting for it to light up with Dylan's name. Eric was quickly finding out that patience was difficult when it's Dylan who your waiting on. He'd just have to suck it up.
-
A few hours had passed and Eric was idly laying on his bed and flicking through a catalogue when he heard a ding, he scrambled to check his phone. Dylan had finally texted. A short and simple 'hey'. Eric moved to reply instantaneously, eager to talk to him.
Eric (20:34): Hey!
Eric (20:34): Whats up
Dylan (20:35): Not much
Dylan (20:35): Just chillin, listening to music
Dylan (20:36): How are you
Eric sighed. He didn't realise how important being able to see Dylan's face was, it made things much easier. The disconnect was apparent, but things eventually warmed up.
Eric texted Dylan late into the night, talking about everything and nothing. Talking to someone had never been so easy, it felt like a second nature to him, like he was born for the sole purpose of being in Dylan's company.
The conversation was sailing smoothly when Dylan asked a question a question Eric had been dreading.
Dylan (23:18): Would you wanna call?
Eric's heart sped up. Everything with Dylan was going well, there was no reason to think a phone call would ruin anything, but Eric was still nervous. He hesitated to answer.
Dylan (23:20): Its okay if not
Eric (23:21): Like right now?
Dylan (23:21): Yeah if you want to
Eric rubbed his eyes. He was going to have to face Dylan in person in person eventually, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. He couldn't be a coward forever.
Eric (23:22): Okay sure
Eric's phone immediately lit up with Dylan's name, he let it ring for a few seconds before picking up. He held his breath, not wanting to make a sound, wanting Dylan to speak first.
"Hey," Dylan spoke.
Eric thought Dylan's voice was nice.
"Hi," Eric replied.
Eric quietly gulped, concerned this would be awkward, but before that thought could set its feet on the ground Dylan began rambling. It might've been idle chatter, but it filled space. Eric found himself contributing little, purely listening to whatever nonsense Dylan had to say.
In a way Eric felt like this was too good to be true, he harboured some doubts about his newfound friend. He'd never had a friendship bloom so quickly, he'd never met someone he liked quite as much as Dylan, but he wasn't going to let his scepticism spoil anything.
After another hour or so of speaking to Dylan, Eric yawned loudly.
"Am I tiring you?" Dylan suggested with a playful tone.
Eric smiled, "No, it's just getting kinda late."
Eric wanted to keep talking to Dylan forever, but he had to admit he was tired. Falling asleep on the phone would be incredibly embarrassing, and regardless, he could always speak to him tomorrow.
Eric heard a shuffle on Dylan's end.
"Oh shit, yeah, it's pretty late," Dylan noted, "might be a good idea to go to sleep."
"Yeah, maybe."
"Alright well..." Dylan begun, "It was cool talking to you today."
Eric was inclined to agree.
"Likewise," Eric paused for a moment, "maybe we'll talk tomorrow?"
"Definitely."
"Okay, well- goodnight," Eric stumbled.
Dylan replied with a sleepy goodnight and then hung up.
Eric looked at his clock with squinted eyes, it was already way past midnight. Time seemed to pass ridiculously fast when talking to Dylan. He was so pleased to have a friend, a real friend. It felt like they'd know each other for much longer than a couple days.
After settling down to sleep Eric stared at the ceiling in thought. What a curious change of events the past two days had greeted him with, not that he was complaining whatsoever. Eric hated to admit he felt happy. He was so comforted in sadness that feeling remotely any joy shamed him. He wasn't supposed to smile, he didn't deserve that, he didn't deserve Dylan. Part of him felt like he'd let Dylan get too close, it's not as though he had told him his violent fantasies, or how deep his hatred really ran for most people, but he let his guard down, which thankfully Dylan didn't take advantage of. He did not like to let people in close, it made them all the harder to push away. Complex thoughts surrounding Dylan bounced off the walls of Eric's head, following him into sleep, where he dreamed of him. Eric couldn't wait for tomorrow to come.