Chapter Text
"Nervous or excited?" Wen Ning asked as they stood in line waiting to board the train to Gusu. "You're fidgeting."
Wei Ying couldn't lie to him— the boy had a heart of gold and have never been anything less than honest during the time they'd been roommates, but he didn't want to bare his soul either. Truthfully, he'd been tempted to tell Uncle Q he couldn't make it for the winter break. He would have, too, had he not skipped out on Thanksgiving. The disappointment in his Uncle's voice still wore on his conscience; he couldn't miss two holidays in a row.
"A little of both," Wei Ying hedged. He loved his family, and the year he'd spent apart from them physically hurt. Yet, at the same time, he still felt insecure about his place there. If Lan Zhan still hated him, he wasn't sure how he'd endure the next two weeks.
"But I'm glad you'll be there."
Wen Ning beamed at him a moment before his smile faltered. "Are you sure it's okay I'm coming? They've never met me."
Wei Ying had a suspicion that if he said, Yeah, you're right, you should just spend the holidays by yourself because your sister can't get a break from the hospital, the boy would take his bags and head back to their apartment without a single complaint. The last thing he ever wanted to be was an imposition, which is why they'd become such great friends. And why Wei Ying was emphatic about including him wherever he could, even if it meant springing him on his family for the holidays with very little warning.
"It's totally okay. Uncle Q's heard enough about you already and you did meet Huan-ge, remember? He came to the awards ceremony for the Emerging Young Scientists competition."
It had been a hectic night for them both, so he can't fault Wen Ning for not remembering. They'd swept every category they'd entered with the water filtration module designed for impoverished, drought stricken areas. He'd only gotten a few minutes with Huan-ge before being accosted by all sorts of industry types offering to help him get a patent, as if Uncle Q hadn't already started the process. By the time he was able to get away, Lan Huan had texted an apology about having to leave early.
"You have another brother, too, right?"
Wei Ying swallowed thickly and nodded.
"Lan Zhan, but we're uh, he doesn't really consider me a brother. More like the stray his uncle adopted." He meant it as a joke, but it came out sounding a little too bitter. "Don't worry, he'll do his own thing and we'll do ours. The house is more than big enough."
Wen Ning shot him a wounded look. "You're not a stray, Wei Ying. You're the smartest kid on campus."
He couldn't help but laugh at the indignant and the determined way the boy marched forward as the train doors opened. As meek as he could be at times, Wen Ning didn't take kindly to anyone slighting him— whoever they may be. It was a good reminder to be careful about what he said. The last thing he wanted was the tension between him and Lan Zhan to bleed through to Wen Ning by association.
They found their seats quickly and Wei Ying tossed both of their bags in the overhead bin while Wen Ning settled in beside the window. He was happy to give him the better seat, as the boy tended to get motion sickness easily.
The train ride to Gusu would take the better part of two hours, and Wei Ying could already feel his anxiety rising. He repeated the words he'd told his roommate. The house was big enough. It was a mansion, for crying out loud. He shouldn't feel such anxiety about going back home, and yet…
"I don't know what to do, ge. Every time I turn around, he's there. I just can't escape him."
"Can you tell me about them?" Wen Ning asked soon after the train started to move, rescuing him from his thoughts. He looked a little green already, and it seemed like a productive way to distract them both.
"Well, first off, they're kind of wealthy. Old money sort, but they aren't really stuck up about it. Uncle Q runs The Lan Group and most of the time he lives at work, but he takes the holidays really seriously. Expect lots of ugly sweaters and eggnog. He's kind of a grump, but in a cute way. And he loves nerdy stuff, so I think you two will be thick as thieves.
"Huan-ge just started working for the family company as a mid level finance manager. You remember Nie Huaisang? He visited earlier in the semester? Huan-ge is marrying his brother. Kind of an opposites attract thing, I guess. But Mingjue's been courting him since middle school and I guess he finally wore him down.
"And Lan Zhan's our age. He goes to GIHL. Really athletic, one of those guys that's just good at whatever he wants to do. And hilarious, but you don't really notice it at first. He's a really good writer, too. Well, at least he was. He used to write these short stories about ancient Chinese cultivators that won some awards, but I'm not sure if he kept up with it."
"Oh," Wen Ning commented with a slight frown. He had his thinking face on. "You made it sound like you didn't get along."
Wei Ying shifted in his seat. "That's like, kind of a more recent thing. When we were kids, we were inseparable. We were like, each other's safe person. But things changed when we got older. We kind of went our different ways. People need space, you know?"
Wen Ning just looked at him before giving a heavy sigh. "No. It's hard for me to read things like that."
"Hey. Me, too." Which is why things got so bad in the first place. If he'd just been able to read the signs earlier, maybe he wouldn't have pestered Lan Zhan to the point of growing sick of him.
"Promise you'll tell me if I'm ever in the way?"
Wei Ying looked into those soulful brown eyes and nodded. It was a lie. If there ever came a time Wen Ning overstayed his welcome, he'd die before he ever said the words.
He knew how deeply they cut. He'd heard them once, by accident, and they still bothered him on late nights in his dorm when the worst of the homesickness refused to let him sleep. Lan Zhan hadn't intended for him to hear, and Wei Ying knew he never would have said a word had he known he was listening.
It didn't make the cut any less painful.
Wei Ying's entire world had shifted on its axis that night. And it was entirely his fault, he knew, because he shouldn't have stayed. But then Lan Zhan said his name and morbid curiosity compelled him to know what followed. He hadn't been completely oblivious, things had been strange with him and Lan Zhan for a while, but the boy would never admit to anything being wrong. He spied because he thought it was his only way of knowing.
"He's everywhere, ge. At school. At home. I can't turn around without seeing him or something that reminds me of him."
"Didi. You have to give it time."
"I've given it time," Lan Zhan had snapped. He never sounded like that, and Wei Ying had to stifle his gasp to not be discovered. "I don't know what to do, ge. I can't escape him."
"Just talk to him. Wei Ying will understand."
"No. He won't. He tells everyone we're brothers like he's proud of it. And every time I correct him, he just looks like a wounded animal. Ge, I don't want to be his brother."
He'd torn himself away before he could hear anything else, but he'd been so disoriented with his world turning upside down that he'd run straight into the door frame, banging his head loudly. It served him right for spying.
Lan Zhan had been livid when he found out he’d heard everything, so much so that he wouldn't even look Wei Ying in the eye, but at least the secret was out— Lan Zhan didn't want to be his person anymore. Wei Ying decided that night to attend college in Yunmeng to give him the space he needed. It was a gesture to show he respected Lan Zhan's desires, but it didn't make things any better. He barely acknowledged Wei Ying's decision, and didn't even come with Uncle Q to send him off.
He gave Lan Zhan exactly what he'd asked for, but it wasn't enough. Nothing improved between them. Lan Zhan never called or texted, much less apologized. He went from a brother and best friend to a painful memory.
He sighed, dropping his head on Wen Ning's shoulder. It did no good to ruminate about a past when there was nothing he could do to control the future. Instead, he thought about ugly Christmas sweaters and tackily wrapped presents under the tree as the mountains grew larger in the distance.
Wen Ning survived the ride without losing his breakfast, but Wei Ying still needed to support his weight as they exited. It was a bigger hardship than it used to be; his friend hardly weighed much when they met. He'd been sickly as a kid, he'd told Wei Ying once, and felt like he'd be on the smaller side forever. Then he grew about six inches in as many months and was almost as tall as Wei Ying now. Most boys their age would have been happily relieved, but Wen Ning didn't seem concerned about it. Where as most of their peers worried about their looks and stature, Wen Ning only ever concerned himself with research.
"A-Huan is supposed to be picking us up. Keep your eyes peeled."
The station was crowded more than usual with the holiday travelers, and more often than not they had to squeeze together to make it through the throngs of people.
"Is that him?" Wen Ning asked, nodding his head off to the side. "I don't remember his hair being that long."
Wei Ying's eyes followed, and his steps faltered. Out of instinct, he clung tighter to Wen Ning's arm and felt the boy wince because what is he doing here?! "Sorry. That's um, no. That's not A-Huan. That's Lan Zhan."
Wei Ying's stomach sank. Lan Zhan wore his same placid expression, the impenetrable mask he'd donned in middle school and never took off, but annoyance was evident in his posture. He looked aggrieved. Lan Huan must have gotten tied up and forced his younger brother to come, even though Wei Ying would have been more than happy taking a cab. Thrilled, even.
Like Wen Ning, he'd grown since Wei Ying last saw him, not as dramatically but a good couple of inches. His jeans clung to his runner's thighs and he must have spent all the hours Wei Ying's absence gave him in the gym. The thin, gray GIHL tee shirt he wore was almost too small on him now.
"He's gorgeous," Wen Ning whispered, and Wei Ying couldn't dispute it. Lan Zhan had always been pretty, with his symmetrical face and fair complexion. But there was a ruggedness to him now. More of a man than of a boy. More handsome than cute.
Time and distance had treated him well. It wasn't lost on Wei Ying that he had far better places to be now, and picking up his hindrance of a— well, he wasn't sure what he could call himself that Lan Zhan would allow. Not brother. Not even friend. Whatever it was, Lan Zhan probably just wanted to get this over with.
Even so, every step felt heavier than the last, and it wasn't until they were almost face to face that he realized the roles had reversed and now he was grasping onto Wen Ning for support. Pathetic.
"Heya Lan Zhan. I thought Huan-ge was coming?" He tried for nonchalant; it did not come off that way.
"Something came up." Lan Zhan's light, golden eyes ran over Wen Ning's frame and he seemed unimpressed. "I wasn't aware you were bringing company."
The rudeness of the glance triggered Wei Ying's defenses, but he wouldn't give Lan Zhan the satisfaction of snapping at him, so he kept his tone as polite as possible.
"This is my partner, Wen Ning. Wen Ning, Lan Zhan. Uncle Q knows, by the way. I sent him a text." He saved the longer explanation, figuring it was none of Lan Zhan's business why Wen Ning had accompanied him. Once they were back home, he wouldn't have to bother with either of them anyway.
"I know who he is." Lan Zhan's eyes traveled down again, resting too long on where their hands were clasped together. Finally, he delivered an almost imperceptible bow towards Wen Ning. "Nice to meet you."
Wen Ning smiled and said the same, but Wei Ying saw the interaction for what it was. Lan Zhan knew far better manners than that. He'd seen him meet tons of people for the first time over the years they'd lived together and he'd never once been so dismissive. But because Wen Ning hadn't noticed, and they'd be stuck in a car together for the next 45 minutes, he kept his anger to himself.
Lan Zhan didn't speak a word once he took to the road. When it became apparent that conversation wouldn't be happening, Wei Ying turned on the radio just to kill the awkward silence. Internally, he seethed. He wasn't upset at Huan-ge, but if he'd just communicated the issue Wei Ying could have handled it himself. Instead, Lan Zhan was put out and Wen Ning got caught in the crossfire.
He pulled out his phone and texted him.
<< sorry its awkward
>> it's awkward?
Wei Ying snorted. Leave it to Wen Ning to be completely oblivious. At least he didn't have to worry too much.
<< want to check out the science museum after we get settled?
>> !!!!!
The car jerked as Lan Zhan shifted gears, and Wei Ying noticed his grip on the gear shift was almost white. He never figured him to be an aggressive driver, but then again he could be in a hurry to get home.
>> Could we also see the Gusu Library?
<< nerd
<< course we can
The music cut off abruptly.
"How is school going?"
It was a simple, innocuous question, the kind anyone would ask, but it still took Wei Ying by surprise. He'd been in Yunmeng for almost a year and Lan Zhan hadn't once called or checked in— not that he expected him to. Maybe his manners were returning and this was his way of feigning civility or making small talk.
"Oh you know. It's going."
"No, I don't know," Lan Zhan retorted, voice tight. "That's why I'm inquiring."
He didn't know because he never asked, but Wei Ying wasn't about to say that. He didn't get the chance to, either, because Wen Ning piped up from the back seat.
"He's number one in our class. And he's in the running for a stay at MIT!"
Fortunately the noise of the road hid his groan. He loved Wen Ning like a brother, but there were times he wished he could strike him mute. The boy was a wild card at times, and since Wei Ying hadn't specifically told him not to bring it up, he only had himself to blame. He took a deep breath and waited for the fall out.
"You're moving to Boston?" There was a sharp sting of accusation to the question, like Lan Zhan had been personally offended but Wei Ying knew better. He'd always been protective of his uncle, and he was most likely worried about Lan Qiren's reaction to Wei Ying traveling so far away.
"Nothing's decided yet. I know it's nothing to you, but would you let me be the one to tell Uncle Q?"
"Suit yourself."
Lan Zhan stared at the road ahead, still white knuckling the gear shift. To anyone else, including the back seat passenger, he just looked the part of the focused driver. Wei Ying knew better. Lan Zhan was pissed. It was an overreaction— Lan Qiren would be happier for Wei Ying more than he'd miss him — but Wei Ying decided to give him a wide berth once they got back to the mansion anyway. No need to make things worse when he got into one of his moods.
"Why is it nothing to me?"
He wanted to say it clearly then, and if it wasn't for Wen Ning's listening ears, he might have. He'd have squared on him and let it fly. Because you don't give a shit where I am as long as it's not in your way. Because you'll get your family back and won't have to share them anymore. Because you don't want me here, remember? It wouldn't change anything. They both know what Wei Ying heard that day.
He dismissed the question with a shrug, something he knew would only irritate Lan Zhan more but it was the quickest way out of the question.
Lan Zhan didn't say another word the rest of the way home.
The manor looked just as he remembered, apart from the festive holiday decorations. He couldn't wait for night to come and see everything lit up and as they walked up to the door, Wei Ying felt excitement for the first time since getting off the train. He'd told Wen Ning that his Uncle loved the holidays, but in reality, it was more than that. From what he understood, the rest of the Lan Elders had been fuddy duddies about those sorts of things and every twinkling Christmas light and every glint of light that reflected off a strand of tinsel was an act of rebellion for his uncle.
There was no denying he'd been homesick. School had kept him plenty busy, and he'd made many more friends in addition to Wen Ning. He'd even taken a part time job for some spending cash, so there weren't many opportunities to dwell on what he'd left behind. He felt it though, standing before the house he'd called his home for most of his life, and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat.
There was a small moment of awkwardness when Wei Ying strode confidently towards his own room, only to realize Lan Zhan had taken it for his own. Well, taken it back. Originally they'd both shared the space, back when they were younger and lived as each other's shadow.
It didn't become solely Wei Ying's until middle school when Lan Zhan moved out without warning, claiming the room was too small and he wanted an east facing window. Alone. Wei Ying hadn't questioned it at the time, just took it as an eccentricity, but seeing the room reclaimed gave him some insight to when Lan Zhan's annoyance with him started to grow.
"Your room is this way," Lan Zhan said quietly, gesturing to the one next door. "There's only one ready, I'm afraid. I'll have another one made up, but we can store the bags there for now."
Wei Ying blinked. "The room next door to yours?" Okay, that was weird. He might fancy himself a mad scientist at times but he definitely wasn't crazy. Lan Zhan should want him as far away as possible! He hadn't said a single word to him since he left for school, and he'd always been suspiciously absent whenever Wei Ying called home. It didn't make sense.
Unless this was an olive branch of sorts? A truce for the holidays? But if that was the case, why had he looked so angry at the train station? The data points were conflicting and Wei Ying hated conflicting data points.
They often led to starting over from scratch.
He pushed open the door to find a stunningly designed space— stunning for him in particular. One of the small accent walls was painted black, and when Wei Ying examined it more closely he saw it was actually a chalkboard! A fresh package of Hagoromo chalk sat on the desk, begging him to pull out a stick and go ham all over it.
The bed was larger than he needed, but a comfortable size for two people. (If Wen Ning bunked here, it would be less work for everyone.)
Pictures hung in frames on the wall, and Wen Ning studied them while Wei Ying tried to maintain his composure at the sight before him. There were just so many details! Like Apple the Donkey on the shelf wearing lab goggles, and a recreated version of the silencing talismans he used to make. (They were some of his fondest memories— Lan Zhan had believed they actually worked for an entire month when he was eight!)
He ran his hands over the furniture, the same as before but freshened up with new stain and varnish. The knobs looked like the planets of the solar system, and graduated cylinders sat on top, displaying silk flowers.
"This is for me?" It had to be. No one else would appreciate it. Not like him.
"Mmh. Do you like it?"
"I fucking love it," he grinned.
Lan Zhan responded in the most peculiar way. He smiled. It was brief, interrupted by Wen Ning opening the closet and tossing his bag inside, but Wei Ying saw it for one very quick, confusing moment before Lan Zhan cleared his throat.
"Wen Ning, may I speak to Wei Ying privately? You're welcome to wait here. It won't be long."
"Sure. Take your time. I might just take a nap, if that's okay."
Lan Zhan didn't look like that would be okay in the least, but before it could become an issue, Wei Ying swept him outside, turning the light off before shutting the door.
"He shouldn't be sleeping in your bed. I'm having another made up," Lan Zhan started, but Wei Ying stopped him with a finger to the lips. What possessed him that would be a good idea, he had no clue, as his own eyes watched the movement, horrified. But, he did it, and Lan Zhan was so startled his complaint died on his tongue.
"He's had a long trip and he doesn't have the strongest constitution." He lowered his voice even further, just in case Wen Ning could hear them. "He's already worried enough he's imposing. Please, be kind to him."
Lan Zhan backed away, but the slump of his shoulders said he wouldn't be fighting Wei Ying's wishes. Instead, he led him to his own room and softly closed the door behind them. It had also been redone, though not with the same flair as Wei Ying's. Lan Zhan had always been minimalistic and the new decor represented that.
How many years had passed since they'd been in this room together? It almost seemed like a fever dream, their late nights giggling over lewd jokes, or the weekends where Lan Zhan would watch impatiently as Wei Ying digested his stories.
He's glad the room looked different now. It would be too painful of a reminder otherwise. Lan Zhan as well. His everything, even his aura, seems so much bigger now. Wei Ying's gaze drop to his forearms and he starts to feel a little hot under the collar. Maybe they should open a window or something.
"I apologize if I came across as unwelcoming to your— to Wen Ning. As I mentioned at the station, I thought you'd be alone."
As far as apologies went, it was sincere. Delivered to the wrong person, but sincere still, so Wei Ying let his defenses fall.
"He's important to me. I just don't want to see him get hurt."
Something flashed in Lan Zhan's eyes, something Wei Ying couldn't quite label. He looked away, out the window, and his face turned a light shade of pink.
"Mmh. I understand."
Wei Ying wondered if he did. Did Lan Zhan know how powerful his words could be? He used them so sparingly that whatever message they sent tend to be delivered ten fold. It was wonderful as a kid, when he'd laud Wei Ying's achievements. And it was pure misery when his feelings had changed.
"So, what did you want to tell me?"
Lan Zhan tore his eyes away from the view of the outside world and turned them towards his desk. Slipping a hand in the drawer, he pulled out a crisp, white envelope and looked down at it for a moment before extending it in offer.
"For you. Tickets to the Science Museum. They have some new exhibits I thought you might enjoy."
Wei Ying took them, a bit sure of how to react. It was an unexpectedly nice gesture that stood counter to everything he'd expected from this visit home. His best hope was a cold shoulder, and now he's got museum tickets and a bad ass room to sleep in. It wasn't the apology he'd been wanting, but it was effort.
"Wow. I didn't— Um, thank you. Wen Ning's been dying to see it."
Lan Zhan's face tightened, and he glanced towards the door. "Mmh. I should be going now. I've got— things. I have a thing with— Huaisang. Enjoy the museum."
"Yeah, I'm sure we will." Wei Ying tried for nonchalant, but all of this was weird. Just like that overheard conversation had made him reconstruct his entire world view, Wei Ying once again had to question his understanding of everything. Lan Zhan bought him tickets to the museum. He put their rooms side by side. He picked him up from the station, and yeah he might have been roped into it, but he came. It doesn't fit with everything he'd said, nor did it jive with the year of radio silence.
Yeah, it was safe to say his suspicions were aroused. Something had definitely changed with Lan Zhan and Wei Ying desperately wanted to know why.