Chapter Text
Liam never had the Rookie experience.
It's a little fact he hardly thinks about truth be told, a small thing that only sometimes nags at the back of his mind, something so small, so irrelevant he feels a little embarrassed to even acknowledge at all most of the time, let alone allow himself to feel anything regarding it.
It wasn't even a thing honestly, not at the beginning which makes the whole thing even more embarrassing, he came to Formula 1 mid season to hold the seat for Ricciardo as he recovered from a broken wrist, thrown head first in the middle of a race weekend with barely enough time to even know the way around the car before having to race, there wasn't time for anything back them, to think about anything but the need to prove in such a little time that he could withstand the pressure, that he could perform.
Then, the same thing in the next year, once more coming to replace Ricciardo on the later part of the season when things were in full swing and he had to adapt to a new car, a new team and the whole thing on a instant- The truth about the F1 is that the cars aren't the only fast part of it all, the whole thing moves in such an insane speed that Liam almost feared he would be swept away by it, swallowed by a storm that had been breeding a long time ago and he had been thrust in the middle with little time to prepare.
F1 is fast. F1 is unpredictable. F1 is harsh.
At least that was his experience: Liam wasn't taught how to navigate it, he was one of those kids who learned how to swim by being thrown on the deep end while the adults around watched with vague interest, not overly worried about the possibility of him sinking because they had other kids waiting by the shore. Liam learned how to swim because he had no other choice, because sinking would mean that all the sacrifices made until then would have been for nothing, that all his parents had given for his sake would be wasted because Liam would have failed where it mattered the most.
He learned, not easily, not without difficulty, because it was hard, it was terrifying, he would not do the disservice of denying it, especially because it was around the end of the season, a championship battle in full swing, worry about the next years car already clouding the air, the new regulations looming closer and closer in the distance, talks about contracts and extensions and all the chaos of a season coming to its end and Liam was just a small footnote of it all, everyone had others worries that didn't include holding his hand and helping him settle, after all he had raced last year right? That was what his race engineer had asked once with distracted eyes towards a screen, it wasn't like this whole thing was new to him, he could find his way.
Of course, the man was talking about Liam finding his way to a debrief room at the time, but the implications reached farther than that, they hung unspoken but ever present in the air around the garage, one of the many expectations that sat heavily on his shoulders. Liam had been there before, no matter how little time that was, he could find his way around, he could deal with things, he didn't need someone to hold his hand, to guide him around.
So he had done what he does best, he had swallowed the fears and the insecurity and had built walls to protect the soft part of him who felt like a child left alone in a busy street with the expectation he could make his way home in one piece with only the vague instructions of the path, the part of him who wanted to ask questions who looked obvious, who felt silly in his mouth every time he thought about asking so he swallowed them back and just tried to wing it with the information he could collect by himself.
That was fine.
Truly, Liam didn't even know things could be different.
That was just how things went in F1.
Fast, unpredictable, harsh and achingly lonely at times.
At least until the 2025 pre-season began and a creeping realization nested itself on the edges of his brain, settled heavy and uncomfortable in his chest.
Liam was starting his first full season with a new seat, a new team, a whole new world opening ahead of him, a hundred of little and big things that he had never partaken in, that were new and terrifying on a whole other level, and he had his walls secured, his defenses sharp and ready to be thrust upon the storm once more, to make his way around the busy street without anyone to hold his hand.
Nothing had changed for him, he had races under his belt already, he had scored points no matter how few, people looked at him and expected him to know his way around, to know who to speak to, how to behave, what questions to ask, what answers to give, no one cared if he had never experienced a pre season because he wasn't a new face and Liam had not expected anything different, truly he hadn't.
He didn't know things could be different.
But oh how clearly he saw that they could.
Just not for him.
They were different for the Rookies.
It didn't take him too long to notice it, the difference, he probably couldn't miss it even if he tried with the way it was just plastered around for everyone to see. The media team were eating it up, the group of promising stars entering the Grid was a full plate of content for them, videos and reels and fanfare from both the teams and the F1 social media itself, the journalists were on them like sharks smelling blood of course, a frenzy that was impossible to miss even among the chaos of pre season and testing and Liam's own windwhirl of emotions and responsibilities.
But that was not the part that got Liam's attention. It would be easier if it was, because that wasn't something he envied at all, the spotlight shined on them so bright it was probably blinding, he very much could do without the fanfare and what looked like endless media duties alongside the work to be done with the car and just the general adjustment to the environment of the F1, no, what Liam noticed was the small things, the little details that looked so small, so simple in the big scheme that the rookies probably didn't even pay attention to it, but for Liam they seemed to be under a magnifying glass.
The way Liam never really saw any of them looking lost in the Paddock because there was always someone there to guide them place to place, to introduce them to people, to show them where things are, how things worked.
How they asked the silly and obvious questions that Liam had hardly ever dared to ask and instead of exasperated looks they got actual answers and explanations, because no one expected them to know those things.
The way people stopped to talk to them with easy smiles and relaxed postures, the drivers welcoming them with friendly handshakes or pats in the back, offers to show them around, advice on restaurants, on hotels, the small talk of people getting to know each other with unhurried calm, the frenzy of the season not yet creeping on the edge of their minds, the competitiveness of a championship battle still looking far away enough that they could allow themselves relaxed banter and easy laughter.
The advice that flowed easily, kindly, questions about tyres and track and set ups encouraged and answered with enthusiasm.
The small things Liam didn't have because he entered the Grid always in the middle season, when tension had climbed high, when everyone had other worries that didn't involve playing nice with the new driver who replaced someone they liked.
It made sense, he tried to tell himself when something like bitterness curled in his chest as he watched Isack being guided to the briefing room Liam had to find by himself and had been late to leading to pursed lips and displeased expressions, their circumstances are different, it would be different for him if he had started at the beginning of the season.
But the bitterness and something that he refused to name still clung stubbornly to his chest when he watched Kimi asking a hundred questions a minute to anyone who stood next to him, regardless if they were from Mercedes or not, and being answered, his teammate always hovering just behind him as if to make sure he would be alright, when he saw Ollie looking at his teammate for reassurance and tips for dealing with the media and being met with thoughtful answers and steadfast support even if everyone and their mother thought he would find scorn and cold distance, when he saw Gabriel easily fitting with a teammate who almost hovered over him offering quiet companionship and support even after he claimed he would not care.
It feel selfish.
Liam tried to swallow it, to water down the ugly thoughts that insisted on surfacing when he witnessed another difference, another way the rookies were allowed mistakes, were allowed clumsiness, were attention was given to them, because he didn't want to be that person, the spoiled child who wanted the world to pay attention to him, who couldn't deal with others having something without wanting them for himself, Liam was competitive, not selfish, a difference that mattered to him even if no one else would care about it, he allowed himself to be jealous of lap times, of race results, of points, of tyre management, things that impacted the race, who impacted the points, he allowed himself that indulgence, but he drew a line about the things outside the track.
And it's not like Liam was truly destitute of support, it was disingenuous to pretend otherwise.
Max for example was a welcome presence, a proof that sometimes meeting someone you admired didn't end with disappointment because Max was even more of a great presence that Liam could have expected, surely he was an amazing driver, even more sharp and brilliant from up closer now that Liam could hear first hand his feedback and his ideas, but outside the track Max wasn't what the media built him to be- Max was nice.
Not the type of nice with fake smile and small pointless conversation, the type who tries to please everyone around him, no, Max was the type of nice who gave you his full attention when you spoke, who gave thoughtful answers, who gave back as much respect as he received, who didn't look at Liam like he was taking space that didn't belong to him, who walked with him to places, who allowed Liam to follow him around because even if Liam could not muster the courage to ask the silly questions, the little things like at what time was lunch served or where he could ask for a replacement towel or extra soap or the minimal little things, there were things he could learn from following Max, he could map out the Paddock, learning which path had the least amount of journalist, the quickest way to the debrief room, he could try to memorize peoples names without having to ask them again and again.
Max was the type of nice who allowed it, who didn't comment on it, who waited for Liam before leaving for somewhere they had to go together. There were no loud expectations with Max, he didn't look at Liam like he was trying to judge how long he would last, how spectacularly he would fail the expectations, it made existing inside of Red Bull easier.
And as much as Liam tried to remain professional, to draw a line in the sand regarding his relationships with the rest of the Grid, being around Max meant being around the Rookies more often than not and it just made Liam feel worse when the bitterness reared its ugly head because they too were so nice, they accepted his presence with an easiness that startled him because Liam knows himself, he is aware of his sharp edges, of how sometimes his mouth moves before his brain can catch up and his words come more biting than he meant them, how his sarcasm can be too heavy sometimes, how sometimes people think he is speaking seriously when he is just taking the piss out a situation and all attempts to clear the air just get him accusations of backtracking so Liam has learned how to maintain his walls, to be professional, to not get close because eventually it will crumble and it will be painful, experience taught him that before F1 could dream off, but the Rookies took it all in stride.
They are easy to talk to, easier than the rest of the Grid by a long margin because Liam never truly felt like he belonged there, arriving in the midst of things as he did, like they always looked at him and saw replacement, saw outsider, saw someone temporary. That wasn't the feeling he got when he was around the Rookies, with the capital R and all, perhaps it was because their ages are similar enough but they could understand each other and being together didn't feel like a shore, didn't feel like something Liam had to endure.
But at the same time he couldn't shut his mind out. He couldn't not notice the subtle differences about them, Liam doesn't remember ever feeling the same quiet excitement they carried on their shoulders about their debuts, he was excited about finally getting to race in F1 don't get him wrong, but the circumstances didn't really allow him to bask in the feeling like they are doing, not when he barely had time to wrap his head around it before being put to race in a car he barely knew, now he watches as they share expectations, as they get to know their cars and just bask into the whole thing in an unhurried pace that sends something sharp inside his chest.
Liam wishes he was afforded it too.
But he isn't. Because Red Bull doesn't look at him and see rookie, he has raced before, they expect him to act as such, there isn't anyone to show him around the Paddock, to explain things in depth to him even if Liam never properly was part of a pre season before, he is older, he has raced before, he should know better, his mistakes will not be attributed to youth, to inexperience, there is no grace to be given to him, his failures will only be that, failures, and Liam knows that Red Bull, that the racing world as a whole, has no space for errors, its a fast paced world and as easily as Liam replaced Ricciardo they can replace him before he can even blink.
It's obvious on the small things, it hangs unspoken above his head, settles heavy and ever present on his shoulders, stands out in the way people look at him, analyzing and Liam can't help but think they are always thinking he is falling short of expectations they haven't ever properly voiced.
He wants to ask Max about it, about how to read the room, how to know what they expect of him without having to ask outright and be met with the disappointed glances because he isn't a rookie and that is something he should already know, wants to ask how to deal with the pressure, with the journalists.
But the words always die in his throat, they settle awkwardly inside his mouth because as nice as Max is, he is also always busy, his presence stretched thin in multiple directions, everyone wanting a piece of him for something- Sponsor responsibilities, feedback about the car, media duties, testing on the sim, testing on the track, and Liam feels awkward to ask for even more of his time than Max is willing to offer him.
He wants this to work. He wants Max to like him, or at least tolerate his presence, and he can't do that if his teammate thinks he is annoying, clingy, unable to deal with his own problems like an adult, so Liam observes, he learns quickly that the best way to get the advice he wants is to hoover closer when Max is talking to the Rookies.
Because of course Max makes time for them. Liam sees the way his eyes soften when he is around them, an easiness on his posture, a friendliness that the media would fall over if they ever got to witness first handed, he enjoys their company, truly wants to make things as easy as possible for them, he says it to them one day, that he still remembers how it felt to enter the Grid young, and he was even younger than all of them, and he wants them to know he will be there for them if they need, that a rookie year is both the best and the worst one can have and he wants to help them enjoy it.
Liam clings to the edges of it.
The advices aren't for him, Liam isn't a rookie, no one treats him as one, and it is probably a little pathetic that he still clings to the pieces of advice Max gives to them like he is, mentally wishes that one of them will ask one of the questions that burn inside his head.
He isn't a part of the Rookies, but that is alright.
They still offer him companionship, Max is still nice and welcoming towards him, and Liam is content with that.
He has to be.