Work Text:
It was one Sunday morning when the sun rays slipped through the blinds of his apartment. Dazai slowly lifts his eyes and stares at the withering filters of chemicals dancing in the sun rays, billions and millions of organisms finding ways to eat, breathe, and live.
He stares at it. Fingers of his right bandaged hand raise and envelop the micro bits of fragments swirling in the atmosphere, making it gasp soundlessly and strode away from his hand, as if it were a fish seeing a hand in the river and swimming away.
He hears the doors click with a beep, a person entering it with soundless movements of limbs, and the crinkling and rustling of a plastic held in one hand.
He sees Chuuya standing at the doorway of their bedroom. He doesn’t see him yet when the redhead puts down the plastic and takes off his slippers.
He lifts his head to see Dazai’s lying form on the still crumpled bedsheets beside him. Steady, and breathing alive.
Dazai stares at him.
Chuuya smiles fondly at him and walks towards him.
The smile was just a smile, but he feels the love all at once. All at once at 15, all at once when death and life brings them closer together. All at once when there’s nothing to do anymore.
Chuuya sits beside him, and says, “Good morning. How are you feeling?”
He has a peaceful expression plastered on his face. And his hands brushing on the side of his hair felt like life had touched him.
“I don’t know anymore, Chuuya.”
The sun rays continue to exist and breathe life into the air they inhabit, it somehow continues and continues even until it is at the end of their life.
“I don’t know anymore.” His voice was shaky, and controlled by the tears swimming in the insides of his eyes. Everything around him was life. He doesn’t know why everything around him was life.
Chuuya’s face contorted into a split concern, with a mix of sudden understanding and repeated heartbreaks. He doesn’t say anything, urging him to continue. A sound reminiscent of a body falling down seemed to disturb the silence they cherished between them.
But Chuuya knows. Somehow he always knows. He always knows when to look, when to care, and when to let go of the things that have long since ended.
He knows that Chuuya is life, breathing and loving him with all his life.
“It’s okay.” He completely sits on the bed close to Dazai and hugs him to his chest. Dazai’s face is buried on his collarbone.
“It’s okay.” Chuuya said once more.
“You will be okay.”