Chapter Text
The episode starts at a camp called "Camp Wawanakwa", somewhere located at Muskoka, Ontario, where a host named Chris McLean introduces himself.
Chris: Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario, I'm your host, Chris McLean. Dropping season one of the hottest reality show on television, right now! Here's the deal, twenty-four campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgement of their fellow campers. Every three days, one team will either win a reward or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame. Take a ride on the loser boat, [Laughs] and leave Total Drama Island for good. Their fate will be decided here at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all but one camper will receive a marshmallow.
He grabs a marshmallow with a stick, he eats it then he throws the stick away.
Chris: In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small [Holds a tiny treasure chest] fortune, which let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle [A bear tries to shoo the flies] black flies, [A grizzly bear roars] grizzly bears, disgusting camp food.
Grub: Hey now.
Chris: And each other.
Chris: Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out right here, right now on Total. Drama. Island.
The theme song plays.
Chris: Welcome back to Total Drama Island, all right, it's time to meet our first 12 campers, we told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort so, if they seemed a little T.O.-ed, that's probably why. Anyways, here's our first contestant, Angie!
A boat pulls up. Angie doesn't say a word; she just stands there nervously rubbing her left arm, looking at the dilapidated dock with wide eyes.
Chris: What's the matter, Angie? Why aren't you smiling? Aren't you glad to be here?
Angie slowly shakes her head "no."
Chris: No? Oh...
Angie doesn't respond. She just tightly grips the handle of her designer luggage and walks silently toward the end of the dock. The next boat pulls up.
Ben: Hi, everyone!
Chris: Hi, Ben!
Ben walks up to Chris and they share a crisp high-five before Ben joins Angie on the dock. Beth arrives.
Chris: Beth, what's up?
Beth: [She runs and hugs Chris] It's so incredulous to meet you. Wow, you're much shorter in real life.
Chris: Uh, thanks.
Beth waves at the audience. Bridgette arrives with her surfboard.
Bridgette: Hey, what's up?
Chris: Our surf chick, Bridgette is here.
Ben: Nice board. Though I'm not sure this is a safe environment for you to surf.
Bridgette: I thought we were going to be on a beach.
Chris: We are!
A seagull with plastic on his neck gets waved by the waves.
Bridgette: [Sighs, sarcastically] Great.
Chris: All right, that makes-
Bridgette knocks Chris with her surfboard.
Chris: Ow! Darn it, that hurt!
Bridgette: Hey, guys.
Ben: Hey, I'm Ben.
Bridgette: [Almost knocks the girls while the girls duck down trying to avoid getting hit] What's up?
Beth: Hi, I'm Beth.
Bridgette: [Once again she almost knocks Angie down while she and Ben duck down trying to avoid getting hit] Hey. [Cody arrives]
Chris: Cody, the Code-ster, the Code-Meister! [He & Cody high five]
Cody: Dude psyched to be here, man, I see ladies have already arrived, all right.
Chris: Cool, and here comes Courtney.
Courtney: [She arrives and waves, Chris gives her a hand] Thank you. [Cody walks and stops] Hi, you must be the other contestants, It's really nice to meet you all.
Cody: [Shakes Courtney's hand] How's it going? I'm Cody.
Courtney: Nice to meet you, Cody. [DJ arrives]
Chris: DJ.
DJ: Yo, Chris McLean, how's it going? Hey, you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub at?
Chris: Yo, dawg, this is it, Camp Wawanakwa.
DJ: [He lifts his luggage, he does not look happy] Hmph, looked a lot different on the application form.
Rock guitar music plays. Duncan arrives. He doesn't look happy.
Chris: Duncan, dude.
Duncan: I don't like surprises.
Chris: Yeah, your parole officer warned me about that, man, he also told me to give him a holler any time and have you return to juvie.
Duncan: [Sniffs] Okay, then. [Glances at Angie] Meet you at the campfire, gorgeous. [Eva arrives]
Chris: Eva. Nice, glad you could make it.
Cody: [He tries to high five with Eva, but Eva's bag drops on Cody's foot] Ow, what's in there, dumbbells?
Eva: Yes.
Duncan: She's all yours, man. [Ezekiel arrives]
Chris: Ezekiel! What's up, man!
Ezekiel: [Points up] I think I see a bird. [Duncan laughs]
Chris: Okay, look, dude, I know you don't get out much, been homeschooled your whole life raised by freaky prairie people, just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early, okay?
Ezekiel: Yes, sir.
Courtney: That's just... wow.
Geoff: [He arrives, party music plays, his boat leaves] Chris McLean! 'Sup, man! It's an honor to meet you, man!
Chris: The Geoff-Ster, welcome to the island, man.
Geoff: Thanks, man.
Eva: They say "man" one more time, I'm gonna puke.
Chris: [He and Geoff high five. Gwen arrives] Hey, Gwen.
Gwen: You mean we're staying here?
Chris: No, you're staying here, my crib is an airstream with AC that-a-way.
Gwen: [Not happy] I did not sign up for this.
Chris: Actually, you did.
Gwen rips her contract and smiles gladly.
Chris: The great thing about lawyers is they make lots of copies.
Gwen: I am not staying here.
Chris: Cool, I hope you can swim though, [Gwen's boat leaves] because your ride just left. [Gwen's boat honks]
Gwen: Jerk.
Chris: [He giggles quietly. Harold breathes loudly] Welcome to camp, Harold.
Beth: What's he looking at?
Harold: So you mean this show is at a crappy summer camp and not on some big stage or something?
Chris: You got it.
Harold: Yes! That is so much more favorable to my skills.
Chris: [Shudders]
Harold stands beside Geoff and Gwen, which she is not happy about. Heather arrives, with sunglasses on, she gives a look at the contestants.
Chris: Heather.
Beth: [Runs to Heather] Hi, looks like we're you new friends [She spits saliva due to having braces, Heather looks disgusted] for the next eight weeks. [Izzy is on her boat]
Chris: Hey, everyone, Izzy!
Izzy: Hi, Chris! Hi! Whoa! [She trips and hits her chin on the dock]
Ezekiel: Ooo, that was bad. [Laughs]
Courtney: [She runs to help Izzy] Guys, she could be seriously hurt! [She helps Izzy up]
Izzy: [Shakes her hair to wipe her hair] That felt so good, except for hitting my chin This is summer camp? This is so cool, do you have paper Mache? Are we having lunch soon?
DJ: That is a good call.
Heather: Okay, we've met Crazy Girl, can we get on the show, please?
Duncan: Someone missed their cappuccino macchiato this morning.
Heather: Get bent.
Justin with pretty looks arrives. Everyone reacts to Justin. Justin smiles at the audience. Eva faints, Angie swoons.
Chris: Everyone, this is Justin. Welcome to Total Drama Island. [He & Justin fist pump]
Justin: Thanks, Chris, this is great.
Girls: Oh, wow!
Chris: Just so you know we picked you based entirely on looks.
Justin: I can deal with that. [Walks to the dock. Katie & Sadie arrive]
Chris: Ladies, Sadie, Katie, welcome to your new home for eight weeks.
The scene shows a crummy old cabin house where flies are heard buzzing.
Katie: Oh my gosh, Sadie, look, it's a summer camp!
Sadie: Okay, I always wanted to go to a summer camp. Eeeeeee! [The girls grab their bags and run happily. Chris looks unsure]
Leshawna: [Arrives while waving] What's up, y'all? Leshawna's in the house. [Harold gasps as he sees] Yo, baby, hey, how you doing? How's it going? [She & Chris high five] Feel free to quit now, save yourself the trouble 'cause I came to win! Oh what's up, my brother? [She & DJ high five] Give me some sugar, baby!
Harold: I've never seen a girl like you before.
Leshawna: Excuse me?
Harold: You're really big... and loud.
Leshawna: [Angry] WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?! OH NO, YOU DIDN'T! [Angie & Bridgette look shocked] YOU HAVE NOT SEEN ANYTHING YET! [Harold defends himself with some of his karate skills, Bridgette & DJ try to stop her] I'LL SHOW YOU BIG, BABY!
Harold makes karate sounds while karate music is heard in the background.
Leshawna: OH YEAH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS? WELL, COME ON THEN!
Chris: All right, campers, settle down!
Leshawna calms down, Harold smiles at her.
Chris: Everybody, this is Lindsay.
Pop music plays while Lindsay is introduced.
Chris: Not too shabby.
Lindsay: Hi! Okay, you look so familiar.
Chris: I'm Chris McLean. [Lindsay looks confused] The host of the show.
Lindsay: Oh, so that's where I know you from.
Chris: Uh, yeah. [Noah arrives] Our next camper is Noah.
Noah: You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?
Chris: Sure, someone did.
Noah: Good, is this where we're staying?
Duncan: No. It's your mother's house and we're throwing a party.
Noah: Cute, nice piercings, original, do them yourself?
Duncan: [Grabs Noah's lips] Yeah, you want one?
Noah: Uh, no thanks, can I have my lips back? [Duncan lets go of Noah's lips] Thanks.
Owen: Woohooo!
Chris! What's happenin'?!
Owen: [Laughs] This is awesome! Wooohooo!
Chris: Owen! Welcome!
Owen: [Hugs and squishes Chris] Awesome to be here, man! Man, this is so...
Gwen: Awesome?
Owen: Yes! Awesome, woohoo! Are you going to be on my team?
Gwen: I sure hope so.
Owen: Woo!
Chris: You about finished?
Owen: Sorry, dude, I'm just so psyched!
Chris: Contestant number twenty three is Trent.
Trent: Hey, good to meet you, man, saw you on that figure skating show, nice work, man.
Chris: Hey, thanks, man. I knew I rocked that show!
Beth: I saw that, one of the guys dropped his partner on her head, so they got immunity that week.
Harold: Lucky, I hope I get dropped on my head.
Lindsay: Me too!
Trent: So, this is it? [Heather adjusts her hair] All right, then.
Heather: I'm calling my parents, you cannot make me stay here.
Chris: [He holds up Heather's contract. A horn honks. Tyler is water-skiing] Ladies and gentlemen, Tyler! [Tyler slips and flies over the contestants, he bumps into the luggage]
Beth, DJ and Gwen: Ooo!
A luggage flips and splashes into the water which makes Heather's hair wet.
Heather: Ugh, my shoes!
Chris: Wicked wipeout, man!
Tyler's hand comes out of the luggage and gives a thumbs up to Chris. DJ & Geoff also give a thumbs up. Gwen crosses her arms.
Chris: First things first, we need a group photo for the promos, everyone on the end of the dock. [The twenty-four contestants walk there. Chris jumps onto the boat] One, two, three... [A snap sound is heard] forgot the lens cap. [He puts the lens cap on] Okay, hold that pose. One, tw- Oh no, wait, cards full. Hang on.
Leshawna: [Rolls her eyes] Come on, man, my face is starting to freeze.
Chris: Got it. Okay, everyone say "Wawanakwa!"
Twenty-Four Campers: Wawanakwa.
Suddenly, the dock collapses, the picture is taken, the picture shows the campers almost drowning and swimming for their life.
Chris: Okay, guys, dry off and meet at the campfire pit in ten.
The screen goes black. The episode continues where Chris and the campers are at the campfire pit.
Chris: This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks. The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition and maybe even your friends. You dig? [Harold smiles at Duncan. Duncan threatens Harold] The camper who manages to stay on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000!
Duncan: Excuse me? What will the sleeping arrangements be? Because I'd like to request a bunk under her. [Points at Angie. Leshawna gasps]
Heather: They're not co-ed, are they?
Chris: No. Girls get one side of each cabin and dudes get the other.
Geoff: Excuse me, Kyle. Can I have a cabin with a lake view since I'm the coolest?
Chris: Okay, you are. But that's not really how it works here. And it's Chris.
Katie: I have to live with Sadie or I'll die.
Sadie: And I'll break out in hives. It's true.
Gwen: This cannot be happening.
Tyler: At least girls don't have to sleep next to him.
Rock music plays, Duncan wraps his arm around a confused Angie. Beth & Bridgette look at each other confused, realizing.
Beth: He likes her.
Bridgette: Yeah, he definitely likes her.
Chris: Here's the deal. We're gonna split you into two teams if I call your name out and stand over there. Gwen, Duncan, Angie, Leshawna, DJ, Heather, Harold, Geoff, Tyler, Sadie, Eva, and Ezekiel. From this moment on, you are officially known as... [A logo shows an angry bass like in a boxing match] the Killer Bass!
Leshawna: Yeah! I'm a Bass! Woo!
Sadie: Wait! What about Katie?
Chris: The rest of you over here. Trent, Lindsay, Justin, Beth, Owen, Izzy, Courtney, Bridgette, Ben, Noah, Katie, and Cody. Move, move, move!
Katie: But Sadie's a Bass! I have to be a Bass!
Courtney: Katie, is it? Come on, it'll be okay.
Katie: This is so unfair! I miss you, Sadie!
Sadie: [Crying] I miss you too!
Chris: You guys will officially be known as... [A logo shows a Gopher screaming] the Screaming Gophers!
Justin: Awesome! It's like.... amazing.
Chris: All right, campers, you and your team will be on camera in all public areas during this competition. [Confessional] You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries anytime you want. Let the audience at home know what you're really thinking. Or just get something off your chest.
Tyler: [Confessional] Um, okay... so far, this sucks.
Geoff: [Confessional, facing the other way] I don't get it. Where's the camera girl?
Chris: All right. Any questions? Cool. Let's find your cabins. Gophers, you're in the east cabin. Bass, you're in the west.
Duncan: Bunk beds? Isn't that a little summer camp?
Tyler: That's the idea, genius.
Duncan: Shut up, weird jock boy!
Gwen: You're so smart, I feel that!
Tyler: Should you be on the girl's side?!
Gwen: [She flies from the boys cabin, she is thrown by Tyler off-screen] AH! [A loud crash is heard]
Geoff: Where are the outlets? I have to plug in my vinyl player.
Chris: There are some in the communal bathrooms. Just across the way.
Geoff: Communal bathrooms? But... I'm not Catholic.
Chris: Not communion, communal.
Tyler: It means we shower together, idiot. [Geoff complains. Tyler covers his ears]
Leshawna: I'm glad we're in our own cabin with just girls. Know what I mean? [Laughs. Angie and Eva look unsure by this, crickets chirp in the background] I mean no! I didn't mean it like that! I love dudes. [Laughs] I just don't wanna sleep near them. [Incoherent noises] I mean...
Lindsay: Excuse me, Chris? Is there, uh, a chaperone of any kind in this facility here?
Chris: You're all 16 years old, as old as a counselor in training at a regular summer camp. So other than myself. You'll be unsupervised. You've got half an hour to unpack and meet me back at the main lodge, starting now.
Lindsay: Nice! [Geoff screams]
Leshawna: Ooo, man, that white boy can scream.
Geoff: What is it? Kill it, kill it! [Lindsay gasps, then screams like a little boy. She shudders]
Tyler: That was my bed.
The campers scream, lifting their feet up. Cody slams a glass cup over the spider, trapping it against the floor. Eva walks into the cabin.
Courtney: We caught it, Eva!
Eva: Move, Chill Dude and Type A.
Eva kicks the glass cup away, smacks the spider with her bare hand, throws the spider away, and washes her hands like nothing. They are dumbfounded. Scene cuts to the campers inside the Mess Hall where the cook, Chef Hatchet is serving lunch to the campers.
Chef: Listen up! I serve it three times a day and you'll eat it three times a day! Grab a tray, get your food, and sit your butts down NOW!
Leshawna: Yo, what's up girl? [Eva blinks at her and leaves] Oh, it's gonna be like that, is it?
Chris: Welcome to the Main Lodge!
Beth: Excuse me, but will we be getting all the major food groups?
Harold: Yeah, cause I get hypoglycemic real bad if I don't get enough sugar.
Chef: You'll get a whole lot of SHUT THE HECK UP! [Angie winces and runs outside to find peace. Chef raises an eyebrow]
Leshawna: Great! You scared her off!
Gwen: What is with that girl?
Ezekiel: Maybe... she hasn't left her nest yet, eh?
The campers look at Ezekiel with pure confusion.
Ezekiel: [Facepalms] I'm saying she's shy!
The campers still look at Ezekiel with pure confusion.
Chris: Anyways, your first challenge begins in one hour!
Sadie: What do you think they'll make us do?
DJ: It's our first challenge, how hard can it be?
The scene shows the campers on the cliff, looking nervous.
DJ: Oh, shi- [Censor beep]
Chris: [Walks in] Anyways, next time on Total Drama Island. Your first task is to jump off this 1,000 foot high cliff into the lake.
Izzy: [Confessional] I'm looking at this girl and thinking, “There's no way she's gonna make it”.
Tyler: [Confessional] I actually thought “If she jumps this, she's gonna die”.
Leshawna: I'm going to die now. I'm going to frickin' die now. [Screams]