Chapter Text
Yuno never intended to stay.
But there was something about Los Santos.
It drew him in every time.
At first, Yuno returned only to see how everyone was doing. He’d planned to catch up with some people, to see where his old friends were at after five whole years of being apart, but like most great plans, it was bound to crumble eventually.
The first crack appeared when he left the apartments.
He wasn’t intending to run into anyone he knew quite so soon but the second he stepped out of the apartments, he saw him. Yuno’s feet stalled, his body reacting before his brain could catch up, and he almost turned around then and there.
But he was too slow.
The figure lifted their head, and dark brown eyes fell on him.
Instantly, they lit up.
Ray didn’t waste a second. He strode toward Yuno, every step radiating purpose, and when he pulled Yuno into a hug, he either didn’t notice or chose not to mention how Yuno stiffened in response. “Habibi,” he said. “It’s been so long. I’ve missed you.”
Yuno swallowed.
“I’ve missed you, too, Ray.”
Ray grinned and released him. His eyes ran over Yuno, his smile dimming slightly when he noticed all the tiny ways that Yuno had changed; he didn’t carry himself the same. His eyes were heavy, and he stared at the floor instead of meeting Ray’s gaze. He’d lost weight too, and there was something stiff about how he held himself, like he’d forgotten how to exist in his body.
Ray frowned.
“What brings you back here?” he asked.
Yuno shrugged. “Not much,” he lied.
“Well, I’m glad you’re back. So much has changed in Los Santos. You wouldn't believe all that’s happened in the few short weeks the city has been up and running again.” Ray proceeded to launch into a long-winded explanation, his earlier hesitation forgotten. Yuno listened to him talk, and it was strange. It was strange being back here after everything that had happened.
He didn’t know how he felt about it.
A lump had formed in his throat.
He noticed that for all Ray talked about the city, he rarely talked about himself. He only briefly mentioned that he’d returned looking for a fresh start, and while Yuno was curious, he knew better than to ask about it. It’d be inviting Ray to ask the same questions back.
Yuno couldn’t afford that.
He really hadn’t meant for this to happen, but he had to admit that it was nice being around Ray again. He made it easy to fall back into old patterns, treating Yuno as if nothing had changed in the five years they’d both been away, and before long, Benji joined them.
The day passed in a blur.
They tried all sorts of odd jobs, and the more time Yuno spent with them, the easier it was for him to forget. He was almost disappointed when they transitioned to the criminal side of the city because he was having so much fun just existing with them. They’d even managed to draw a laugh from him once or twice, and he felt both heavy and light at the same time.
Somehow, they ended up near the Manor.
Yuno had to take a look.
He wanted to see what had become of their old home. Ray and Benji had no such desires, so they left Yuno alone for the first time since that morning. Yuno padded down the long driveway, his feet striking the stone in tandem with his heart, the slap of his shoes the only sound.
It was strange.
Being back here.
He wandered onto the roof, the sun setting in the distance, painting the sky golden.
In truth, he’d missed this place.
Probably more than Los Santos itself.
There was a time when he’d sit up on the roof for hours, listening to the steady stream of laughter and shouts from inside the house. Most of the time, he’d join them, but every once in a while, it was nice to exist separately from them, knowing they were there if he wanted them.
During those times, the house had seemed to shake from the sheer amount of life and personalities it contained, but now, so many years later, it was silent.
Yuno was the only one here.
Everyone else had moved on.
It was ironic, considering that he’d left first, and even though Yuno knew that he’d have to leave again, that he couldn’t stay in Los Santos for long, today had been nice. It was nice pretending that nothing had changed, and it’d be easy to forget that he didn’t belong here.
Not anymore.
His fingers lifted briefly to his neck before falling to his lap. They trembled there, the very motion itself a testament to the fact that things weren’t the same, that he was no longer the same, and when his phone rang, Yuno steadied his hands before picking it up.
“Yeah?”
“Habibi, you’ll never believe what Benji did—” Ray proceeded to tell him all about the crazy antics he and Benji had managed to get up to in the last twenty minutes while Yuno had been sitting on a roof, watching the sun set, thinking about everything he’d lost.
But now, with Ray talking, he realized that maybe he still had a few good things left.
He shook his head and tried to clear those thoughts from his mind, to focus on Ray and what he was saying, knowing that his time here was limited, that every second counted.
For a few days, he’d pretend.
And after that, well, even he didn’t know what he’d do.
***
The next crack appeared when Yuno ran into Tommy T.
It wasn’t Tommy T himself who caused his plan to fracture again, but rather the brawl they noticed while they were at the hospital planting weed—they’d lovingly named the two plants Bendy and Wendy—because Yuno would recognize that harsh, slanting speech anywhere.
Once again, he considered leaving.
But that voice sounded like it was in trouble, and Yuno’s feet brought him closer against his will. He and Tommy T poked their heads around the corner, their eyes falling on the three figures in the middle of cornering a blonde man. They had their knives out, and the shouting was loud enough to attract everyone in a ten-mile radius. Yuno grimaced.
He could’ve left.
He really could’ve.
But instead, he slipped forward, his voice intentionally light. “Excuse me,” he said. “Does anyone know where the nearest bathroom is?” All three of the figures turned to stare at him, and they weren’t the only ones. X glanced up sharply at him as well, his scowling deepening.
Yuno shivered under their stares.
One of the men took a step forward. “This has nothing to do with you.” His knife was grasped firmly between his fingers, his knuckles turning white around it, and Yuno wondered what X had done to warrant this reaction. The air was so thick with alpha hormones that it was making Yuno’s head spin, and he felt faintly nauseous, but he held his ground. He didn’t back down.
He tilted his head.
“I could’ve sworn the bathroom was back here.”
“Well, it’s not,” the man said gruffly. “You’d better leave.”
Yuno didn’t move.
They took another step toward him, only for X to mutter, “It’s not my fault you’re a bunch of motherfucking dogs.” The men's eyes flashed, and they whipped around, lunging for him. There was a flash of silver, and Yuno’s heart jumped into his throat. His body reacted before his head.
He threw himself in between them.
His arms went up in an attempt to “catch himself”, and the blade was knocked aside. It clattered uselessly to the ground, and Yuno immediately started apologizing. “Oh, sorry, I can’t believe I tripped like that. I must’ve not been looking where I was going—”
The men didn’t care.
They launched themselves at Yuno, and Yuno tensed, preparing for a fight, when Tommy T finally arrived. He intervened, quickly shutting those two down, and although they had no problem attacking X and Yuno, their hands stalled when faced with Tommy T.
His reputation preceded him.
The man with the knife sneered at X. “We’ll be back,” he spat. “Don’t think you’ve escaped us.” His eyes briefly flashed to Yuno. “And we’re coming for you too next time.”
They left after that.
Yuno forced a laugh. “Well, that was fun.”
He turned toward Tommy T and X. Tommy T’s brows were lifted at him, and Yuno intentionally didn’t meet his gaze, his hands tucked firmly behind his back. X scowled in response. “I had that, you know,” he said. “There was no need to play hero—”
“Oh, I wasn’t, don’t worry. I really did just want to know where the bathroom was, and they were being so rude. They deserved this, really.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it’s great to see you, X.”
X frowned at him.
He said nothing, and eventually, Yuno asked how he’d been lately. They fell into conversation, the entire incident like it had never happened, and Yuno made sure to keep his hand carefully out of sight. He’d bandaged it up later when he was alone.
Eventually, Tommy T left, and it was just him and X again. X gave him a look.
“I know what you did.”
Yuno blinked. “What?”
“You intentionally tripped.”
“Don’t be silly, why would I do that? I’m just a naturally clumsy person.” He shrugged. “It could've happened to anyone, really.”
“Right.” X’s eyes narrowed. “Maybe once I would’ve believed that.” Yuno frowned. What was that supposed to mean— “You’re different now.”
Yuno stilled.
He forced a laugh. “That’s ridiculous. I’m still Yuno.”
For a long moment, X stared at him. Yuno had to force himself not to fidget, and his fingers curled into his coat, doing their best not to tremble. “Okay,” X said and let the subject drop. He didn’t bring it up again—not even when Yuno dragged him into the sewers, claiming there was buried treasure down there—and Yuno hoped this would be the last time they talked about this.
He already had enough to deal with.
If X became suspicious, it’d force him to leave faster.
***
Yuno had a headache.
He was hoping it would go away, but the longer the day wore on, the less likely it seemed that would happen. He ended up running into Mr. K while trying to find a way to clean money, and he asked how he’d been, wanting to catch up. Mr. K had given Yuno a strange look.
“We just talked the other day.”
Yuno tilted his head. “We did?”
He would’ve remembered that.
“Oh, I see how it is. You’re fucking with me, Yuno.” Mr. K scowled at him. “You know, I’ve killed people for less of an offense.”
“Mr. K, I really don’t—”
But Mr. K was already walking away, done with this conversation. Yuno tried to forget about it. It was probably just Mr. K messing with him, but it felt like more than that for some reason. He decided to earn money to distract himself and ran into a bunch of old friends.
He joined Ash, Kitty, and a girl named Gigi on their job.
It was nice catching up with them, but when Ash mentioned that Hydra was alive again and invited him to join, Yuno hesitated. He didn’t plan on staying in the city for much longer, and it seemed unfair to join, only to leave shortly after, so he said that he’d think about it.
She seemed happy enough with that answer.
Kitty began talking—mostly about Octavio. Not Goofy anymore. They were doing well, according to her, and while it was nice hearing that at least someone had managed to make something of themselves in the years the city had been under construction, it was also painful.
Painful to realize that Kitty was happy.
She said that she loved Octo so easily—like it was nothing. His chest tightened, and he stared out the window while she talked, trying not to fidget again, but he felt Gigi’s gaze on him. She was the most observant out of the four of them, and even though he’d just met her, Yuno had a feeling that he’d have to be careful around her. She was the type who saw more than people wanted her to see, and Yuno had a lot he didn’t want people to see.
Like his trembling hands.
He realized that this was going to become a problem and that it might benefit him to get some clothes with better pockets—these were crumbling, worn from years of disuse—even if he was just going to leave again, but he shoved that idea aside for later.
For now, he did his best to focus.
It wouldn’t do him any good to make them suspicious too.
***
Yuno was starting to feel it now.
He was exhausted all the time, and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. His time was running out, and he was painfully aware of the added weight in his pockets, of the one thing he’d promised himself he wouldn’t take, as the clock ticked further and further down.
But he wasn’t that desperate.
Not yet.
He fixed his hair, and when Benji called him, he answered as cheerily as possible. “Hey, Benji!”
“Hey, we’re thinking of trying trucking. You wanna join?”
“Sure!”
He met up with Ray and Benji, and eventually, after driving around for a while, they ended up at the pier with Mickey and some guy named Eli. Eli kept shoving Yuno around, and Yuno really couldn’t care less, but Ray’s eyes narrowed, and he immediately pulled Yuno behind him, crossing his arms and standing between them. “Oi,” he said. “Hands off.”
Yuno nearly laughed.
Ray was just being protective, but he had to admit it was nice that someone cared enough to be protective of him. Everything would’ve been fine if Eli had taken the warning seriously, but, of course, he didn’t. He laughed. “Oh, really?” he asked. “What are you going to do about it, old man—” He shouldn’t have said that, and he definitely shouldn’t have reached for Yuno afterward. Ray reacted and whipped out a knife, stabbing Eli before his hand could brush Yuno.
He went crashing to the ground.
And Ray stood there, heaving, his body still blocking Yuno. “Oh fucking hell,” Benji muttered behind them. “This is why we can’t take you anywhere.” He and Mickey shouted at Ray, saying that he’d gone and done it now—they ignored Ray, insisting Eli had been asking for it—and Yuno’s body took over. He went on autopilot and loaded Eli into the trunk.
“Woah, Yuno, what are you doing?”
Yuno froze, his fingers stilling on the body. His face heated. “Oh, sorry, I just figured we were oceandumping him.” They were already on the pier, and it wasn’t like they could take him to the hospital, so it seemed like the best solution. They stared at him for a few long moments.
Ray was the first to move.
He walked over and gently pried Yuno’s fingers away. “Here, let me.” He lifted Eli’s body and hauled him toward the ocean. Yuno trailed after him, Mickey and Benji following. It was Mickey who ended up tossing Eli into the ocean, but Yuno wasn’t really paying attention.
The world was spinning around him.
He hadn’t intended to jump straight to oceandumping—and he worried that they’d notice, that they’d wonder why that was his first reaction. His breaths came too fast, too quickly, and he swayed on the edge of the pier, recognizing that something was wrong.
It’d been wrong for a while.
He listed to the side, and that’s when Ray turned around, Eli in the water someplace far below. Ray’s eyes widened. He reached for Yuno, but he wasn’t fast enough. Yuno tipped over the side of the pier, and Ray let out a startled cry as Yuno fell.
Yuno squeezed his eyes shut.
A moment later, he hit the water. The air was sucked from his lungs, and it was cold, cold enough for it to shock his system, for a numbness to seep into his limbs. He tried kicking toward the surface, but his body was failing him, and it refused to move.
His lungs began to burn.
But he couldn’t do anything.
He was accepting that he might just die here when strong arms hooked around his waist and hauled him toward the surface. They broke the water, and Yuno attempted to breathe, but his helmet was still clogged with seawater, and he choked. Ray couldn’t stop to help him; he was too busy dragging Yuno toward the shore, but the second they reached it, warm sand rising to meet them, he released Yuno. Yuno collapsed on the ground, his entire body shaking.
“Yuno, let me—” Ray reached for him, for his helmet, and Yuno’s heart jumped into his throat. He scrambled away from Ray, his fingers going to his helmet and holding on. He didn’t care if his helmet was actively shedding seawater and smelled like fish poop; he wasn’t taking it off.
Ray frowned at him.
Yuno realized that his pockets were heavier now, that they’d gotten soaked. He inwardly cursed and hoped to God that it would still work. He should’ve known better than to carry it on him, and he realized that he had a choice to make. He was either going to have to take the wisteria, or he was going to have to go back to Japan—because this wasn’t working.
A hand settled on his shoulder, and Yuno flinched. “Habibi, are you okay?” Ray’s gaze was bright, worried, as his frown deepened, and Yuno forced a laugh.
“Of course!”
Of course, he was fine.
Ray shook his head, but he didn’t get the chance to say anything else. Benji and Mickey had finally reached them. “Oh my God, you’re fucking insane, Yuno.” Benji ran his fingers through his hair, and his laugh echoed Yuno’s. “I can’t believe you just fucking jumped—”
Oh.
Oh.
Mickey grinned at him, his eyes sparkling, and he crossed his arms. “Let me guess,” he said. “The guilt got to you, and you decided to oceandump yourself in solidarity.” He lifted an eyebrow, fully expecting Yuno to nod, to say that’s exactly what happened, so Yuno did—in a way.
He forced another laugh.
“Sorry,” he said. “I just wanted to make sure Eli didn’t escape somehow.” Mickey whispered knew it, and Benji laughed again. Laughed hard enough to break down in a coughing fit.
“Damn, Yuno,” he said, gasping. “That’s fucking ruthless.”
Yuno shrugged, trying not to pay attention to the added weight in his pockets, to Ray’s gaze on him. It hadn’t left Yuno, and Yuno knew that Ray knew. He’d watched Yuno fall; he knew that Yuno didn’t jump after Eli, that he hadn’t intentionally thrown himself into the sea.
But he didn’t say anything.
For that, Yuno was grateful.
Benji offered him a hand, and Yuno took it, letting Benji haul him to his feet. He swayed slightly, nausea hitting him again, and he squeezed his eyes shut. It took everything in him not to collapse right back onto the sand, and Benji’s hand tightened on his arm.
Steadying him.
Once Yuno could, he opened his eyes and realized that Benji was frowning at him. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, and Yuno shivered.
“Of course,” he said. “It was just a little more than I bargained for.”
Everything in Los Santos was more than he bargained for. He’d told himself that he’d leave before it got this bad, that he wouldn’t take any wisteria, but he’d brought it anyway, and maybe some part of him had known. He’d known how easy it was to get sucked into Los Santos.
Benji nodded.
He led the way back to the car, and they took Yuno back to the apartments. Ray walked him all the way to his room—even though Yuno insisted that there was no need. Once they reached his door, Ray hesitated. “Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own?”
Yuno nodded.
He couldn’t bring himself to speak.
Ray shook his head. “Alright,” he said. “But call me if you need anything.” He left after that, and Yuno entered his apartment, his body heavy, trying to drag him down. He didn’t walk toward his bed, though; he made for his microwave and carefully took out a bottle of white pills.
His fingers trembled around it.
But he needed more time.
He couldn't go back to Japan, not yet, and so he took a few of them. They dissolved on his tongue, and a bitter taste filled his mouth, a familiar heady scent washing over him. He grimaced, all too aware that he was swallowing money, that every single pill cost a fortune.
Sooner or later, he’d run out.
But until then, Yuno would be fine.
He didn’t have any other choice.